Latest / Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith / Watch Your Words

Transcript

Watch Your Words · Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith

• 0:09
  Don Smith: What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
• 0:14
  Don Smith: But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
• 0:20
  Don Smith: I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
• 0:25
  Don Smith: And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
• 0:31
  Don Smith: Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
• 0:37
  Don Smith: Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
• 0:43
  Don Smith: We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
• 0:50
  Don Smith: Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
• 1:01
  Don Smith: Welcome to Wedded Wednesday.
• 1:03
  Don Smith: Uh continuing to improve the studio a little bit.
• 1:06
  Lisa Smith: A little bit.
• 1:07
  Don Smith: Some new lights.
• 1:08
  Don Smith: How do you like those lights?
• 1:10
  Lisa Smith: I like them as long as you don't look straight at them.
• 1:12
  Don Smith: Okay, they're great.
• 1:13
  Don Smith: And uh if you are logging on for the first time, this is Wedded Wednesday.
• 1:18
  Don Smith: I'm Don.
• 1:19
  Lisa Smith: And I'm Lisa.
• 1:21
  Don Smith: And we are excited to be here each and every Wednesday that our schedules allow us.
• 1:26
  Lisa Smith: You know what that reminded me of?
• 1:27
  Lisa Smith: Remember when Kaelin and Callie used to do their little reviews of things and go, hi, I'm Kaylin, and I'm Callie.
• 1:35
  Don Smith: We should get them in here and let them do their reviews.
• 1:39
  Don Smith: Oh, and they're a little buzzword.
• 1:41
  Don Smith: It's good to be here this morning.
• 1:42
  Don Smith: We're gonna let a few people log on and we're gonna get started.
• 1:45
  Don Smith: This is Wedded Wednesday, and uh we're excited to be here once again.
• 1:49
  Don Smith: Um, each and every Wednesday, we love to come and just talk about marriage.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:55
  Don Smith: So, what we need you to do as people are logging on, though, is we need you, right, uh, to go to podcast, wherever you get your podcast.
• 2:04
  Don Smith: And we need you to subscribe, like, share.
• 2:07
  Don Smith: Waited Wednesdays with Pastor Donna Lisa.
• 2:09
  Don Smith: You can find on Spotify, you can find on Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast from, uh, you can find it there in audio form.
• 2:18
  Don Smith: Now, we do it live on Facebook.
• 2:20
  Don Smith: Those of you who join us each week know that.
• 2:22
  Don Smith: Thank you so much for your uh support and your comments.
• 2:27
  Don Smith: Put comments in the in the comment section.
• 2:29
  Don Smith: I know Lisa reads every one of them.
• 2:31
  Lisa Smith: I try to.
• 2:32
  Don Smith: She does.
• 2:32
  Don Smith: Uh and uh the problem with Facebook distracted.
• 2:36
  Lisa Smith: Sometimes I'll go, oh, what are they?
• 2:38
  Don Smith: Here it is.
• 2:38
  Don Smith: The problem with Facebook is it only keeps it for 30 days.
• 2:41
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 2:41
  Don Smith: So we we put it in audio so that we have it forever, so you can have it on your podcast as well.
• 2:46
  Don Smith: But everybody say but.
• 2:47
  Don Smith: But very soon, very soon, are you excited about this?
• 2:52
  Lisa Smith: What?
• 2:52
  Don Smith: We can't give you a date yet, but very soon.
• 2:55
  Lisa Smith: What?
• 2:55
  Lisa Smith: What's that?
• 2:56
  Don Smith: We're gonna turn the podcast not only into an audio form, but video form as well.
• 3:01
  Don Smith: So, yeah, it's gonna be great.
• 3:03
  Don Smith: Uh, we are making some adjustments.
• 3:06
  Lisa Smith: That means I can't come in my house slippers and my top.
• 3:09
  Don Smith: No, I mean they can't see your house slippers right now anymore, but no, you can't do that anymore.
• 3:14
  Lisa Smith: I gotta have my hair did.
• 3:15
  Don Smith: You gotta have your hair did.
• 3:17
  Don Smith: So uh we're excited about that.
• 3:18
  Don Smith: Hope you're excited about that.
• 3:19
  Don Smith: I'm hoping that sometime uh, you know, uh maybe late this year, right now, if you're watching, you know that it's late September uh in 2026.
• 3:30
  Don Smith: If you listen on the podcast, I don't know, you may be listening this year's later or whatever.
• 3:34
  Don Smith: It's just audio.
• 3:35
  Don Smith: Hopefully.
• 3:35
  Don Smith: Hopefully, yeah.
• 3:36
  Don Smith: Um, so maybe late, late this year.
• 3:40
  Don Smith: Uh there's a lot going on between now and the end of the year for Lisa and I and the ministry and everything that's going on.
• 3:46
  Don Smith: But um, if not, we'll hope by the first of the year for sure, 2027.
• 3:50
  Don Smith: So it's gonna be great and we're looking forward to it.
• 3:53
  Don Smith: Well, I've got something for us today for the reason that you all tuned in here on Wedded Wednesday.
• 4:00
  Don Smith: Yeah, I got scripture for us.
• 4:01
  Don Smith: Are you ready?
• 4:02
  Don Smith: Yes, I'm gonna put my glasses on uh because I am getting a little So you can look studious.
• 4:07
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 4:08
  Don Smith: Um, watch this.
• 4:09
  Don Smith: Psalms chapter 4, verse 4.
• 4:12
  Don Smith: Okay, married people, you're paying attention.
• 4:13
  Don Smith: Here we go.
• 4:14
  Don Smith: This is gonna hit us all, including me.
• 4:16
  Don Smith: This is gonna hit us all.
• 4:18
  Don Smith: It should and it should be pretty relevant, even for some conversations that Lisa and I have been having lately.
• 4:23
  Don Smith: Watch this.
• 4:24
  Don Smith: Psalms 4-4.
• 4:25
  Don Smith: Don't sin by letting anger control you.
• 4:28
  Don Smith: Think about it overnight and remain silent.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 4:33
  Don Smith: Now, listen, doesn't the Bible tell us not to go to bed angry?
• 4:37
  Lisa Smith: Yes, it does.
• 4:38
  Lisa Smith: It does.
• 4:39
  Don Smith: So now Psalms 4.4 is saying, hey, don't speak so fast.
• 4:44
  Don Smith: Take some time and process it.
• 4:47
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 4:47
  Don Smith: Now, let me give a little clarification for those of you who want to think the Bible may be contradicting itself there.
• 4:52
  Don Smith: Again, the when the when you think the Bible is contradicting itself, it's not.
• 4:57
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 4:58
  Don Smith: Uh the contradictions in your interpretation.
• 5:01
  Don Smith: All right.
• 5:01
  Don Smith: So they're not contradictory scriptures.
• 5:04
  Don Smith: The Bible says don't let the Bible uh don't let the sun go down on your wrath.
• 5:08
  Don Smith: Wrath.
• 5:09
  Don Smith: Okay, that's great.
• 5:10
  Don Smith: So uh the Bible also says be angry but don't sin.
• 5:14
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 5:14
  Don Smith: Okay, so don't go to bed sinful.
• 5:17
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 5:18
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 5:18
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 5:19
  Don Smith: Uh it doesn't say you can't Psalms is telling us, hey, you know what?
• 5:23
  Don Smith: Make sure you process your words.
• 5:28
  Don Smith: Because we all, and married people especially.
• 5:31
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 5:32
  Don Smith: Married people especially know the damage that a harsh, unprocessed word can do.
• 5:41
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 5:42
  Lisa Smith: That's the truth.
• 5:44
  Lisa Smith: And sometimes when I think people go read that one scripture about don't go to bed angry, and they're like, we gotta fix this right now.
• 5:53
  Lisa Smith: We gotta fix it right now.
• 5:54
  Lisa Smith: But sometimes someone is a slow processor and needs to slow down and not say things uh.
• 6:03
  Don Smith: And I think over the years you and I have switched positions from time to time.
• 6:07
  Don Smith: From time to time.
• 6:08
  Don Smith: Sometimes you're the slow processor and I'm the one who speaks fast, and sometimes I'm the slow processor.
• 6:13
  Lisa Smith: Sometimes you're like, let's let's in the beginning you were like that, and I'd be like, dude, back up.
• 6:18
  Don Smith: Yep.
• 6:19
  Don Smith: All right, let me now I just read that scripture to us in the New Living translation.
• 6:23
  Don Smith: But let me read it to you in a different translation.
• 6:25
  Don Smith: It says, in your anger, do not sin.
• 6:28
  Don Smith: Right.
• 6:28
  Don Smith: Okay, okay.
• 6:30
  Don Smith: And when you are, uh when you are on your beds, sleeping, uh, search your hearts and be silent.
• 6:41
  Don Smith: Now I like I like the way this is putting it because here's the deal.
• 6:45
  Don Smith: We don't often talk about it enough, but when when two married people or when two people get married, that means two personalities get married.
• 6:55
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 6:56
  Don Smith: And see, different what we love, watch this.
• 6:59
  Don Smith: What we love about marriage is we when we're really wanting to get married, we fall in love with someone, we're like, oh, we have so much in common, oh, we have so much in common, right?
• 7:07
  Don Smith: We oh we have so much in common.
• 7:10
  Don Smith: But we also like to use this term, opposites attract.
• 7:14
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 7:16
  Don Smith: Right?
• 7:16
  Don Smith: And and uh like, oh, they complete me because see, opposites attract.
• 7:20
  Don Smith: So they have this part I don't, and I have this part they don't.
• 7:24
  Don Smith: But what happens in marriage after a little bit, that opposite that we said attracted starts causing friction.
• 7:34
  Lisa Smith: Well, it attracted all right, but now it's becoming impactful.
• 7:38
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 7:39
  Don Smith: Oh, that's good.
• 7:40
  Lisa Smith: You're you're clashing.
• 7:42
  Don Smith: You're clashing.
• 7:42
  Don Smith: This is it.
• 7:43
  Don Smith: So personalities clash.
• 7:45
  Don Smith: They can.
• 7:46
  Don Smith: What else happens?
• 7:47
  Don Smith: Goals can clash.
• 7:48
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 7:49
  Don Smith: And and married people often like, what happened?
• 7:52
  Don Smith: It was so perfect.
• 7:53
  Don Smith: That's why we got married.
• 7:54
  Lisa Smith: We had the same goals.
• 7:54
  Lisa Smith: We had the same goals.
• 7:55
  Don Smith: We had the same everything.
• 7:57
  Don Smith: Fatigue and stress often erase our patience that we originally had with the things that were different.
• 8:07
  Lisa Smith: Is that what happens?
• 8:08
  Don Smith: That is exactly what happens, right?
• 8:11
  Don Smith: Because you fall in love with someone, loves blind, and you kind of overlook all of the things that like would kind of rub you raw or be like, oh, I don't like that.
• 8:19
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 8:20
  Don Smith: Like, uh, what's the one thing your spouse does that when they do it, you're like, ooh, I don't that I don't feel loved.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:26
  Don Smith: We ask that a lot, don't we?
• 8:27
  Don Smith: To couples.
• 8:28
  Don Smith: What's the one thing your spouse does that when they do it, you feel loved, right?
• 8:32
  Don Smith: So we all have them, but when we're initially married, we kind of ignore the things you're like, ooh, I don't.
• 8:38
  Lisa Smith: Do you think that's what it is that we ignore it, or do we are we just oblivious to it because everything is great in the beginning.
• 8:47
  Lisa Smith: Let me put it, I don't think we ignore it.
• 8:49
  Lisa Smith: I think we don't notice it.
• 8:51
  Don Smith: This is really good.
• 8:52
  Don Smith: I hope you guys are paying attention.
• 8:53
  Lisa Smith: I don't think we notice it as well.
• 8:55
  Don Smith: We don't let me tell you why.
• 8:56
  Don Smith: Because fatigue and stress erase our patience, and what happens is we frustrate each other despite our best intentions.
• 9:07
  Lisa Smith: Yep.
• 9:09
  Lisa Smith: Try to be loving and no, don't.
• 9:14
  Lisa Smith: That's irritating.
• 9:15
  Don Smith: Stop it.
• 9:16
  Don Smith: I like have you ever said something to your spouse and instantly they got frustrated, and that is not what you intended.
• 9:22
  Don Smith: You were like, no, I was actually trying to be nice.
• 9:26
  Don Smith: Why do you like that?
• 9:28
  Don Smith: No, I know you do.
• 9:29
  Don Smith: No, I don't.
• 9:31
  Lisa Smith: I don't have one at the top of my head because I never know what this stuff is.
• 9:35
  Lisa Smith: So almost processor.
• 9:38
  Don Smith: Oh my goodness, no.
• 9:39
  Don Smith: Tempers flare.
• 9:41
  Don Smith: Right?
• 9:42
  Don Smith: And conflict pushes us apart.
• 9:46
  Don Smith: Even when our best intentions are there, and then what happens is walls go up and we close our ears and our hearts to each other.
• 9:53
  Lisa Smith: True.
• 9:53
  Don Smith: Isn't that true?
• 9:54
  Lisa Smith: It's true.
• 9:55
  Don Smith: They go right up, and and so uh out of God's wisdom.
• 10:00
  Don Smith: If we look at this these scripture, whichever translation you read it in, but out of God's wisdom, what he tells us is that we have got to learn how to find peace over and over and over again.
• 10:14
  Lisa Smith: And over.
• 10:16
  Don Smith: And then hurry up and do it over again, right?
• 10:20
  Don Smith: So I got a couple of things.
• 10:21
  Don Smith: I think a couple of uh, you know, just um little advice, little nuggets that we can take.
• 10:32
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 10:33
  Don Smith: First, first, I wrote them down.
• 10:35
  Don Smith: First, be careful with each other when you're angry.
• 10:40
  Lisa Smith: That's easier said than done.
• 10:42
  Don Smith: Oh, see she's a woman of practicality.
• 10:45
  Lisa Smith: It is easier said than done.
• 10:47
  Lisa Smith: It's like when um when they would give me steroids for my arthritis.
• 10:54
  Don Smith: So, yeah, you that you'd have a a time, a season where you're struggling with the arthritis, and the doctor would say, Okay, I'm gonna give you some steroids.
• 11:01
  Lisa Smith: Yep.
• 11:01
  Lisa Smith: And you And it would help.
• 11:03
  Lisa Smith: It would help.
• 11:03
  Lisa Smith: You would notice, right?
• 11:04
  Lisa Smith: Oh wow.
• 11:05
  Don Smith: But I didn't notice.
• 11:07
  Don Smith: I noticed.
• 11:08
  Lisa Smith: But hey, be nice.
• 11:10
  Lisa Smith: I'm being nice.
• 11:11
  Lisa Smith: But um, I didn't notice.
• 11:13
  Lisa Smith: But one day he said, Hey, you're kind of mean when you're on that.
• 11:19
  Don Smith: Boy, that every man that's listening to this right now knows what type of bravery it took to say those words.
• 11:27
  Lisa Smith: And it didn't go very well.
• 11:29
  Lisa Smith: It did not go very well.
• 11:31
  Lisa Smith: It didn't go very well, but it did help me to realize okay, some things change about me when I'm on this for a season.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:43
  Lisa Smith: You just kind of with your words.
• 11:49
  Lisa Smith: Mean.
• 11:50
  Lisa Smith: I don't want to say the word mean.
• 11:51
  Lisa Smith: I said it was mean, okay.
• 11:53
  Lisa Smith: You gotta sound like something totally different.
• 11:56
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 11:56
  Lisa Smith: But anyhow.
• 11:59
  Lisa Smith: I'm glad we can laugh about this now.
• 12:01
  Lisa Smith: But but even though I initially I did not like that you told me that and I I think I got even more whatever, and I stomped and went away.
• 12:12
  Lisa Smith: But I did get to process that and I go, okay, I need to be aware of my own body and my own mind when I do certain things or when I take certain medications and stuff like that.
• 12:27
  Don Smith: For sure.
• 12:27
  Lisa Smith: And so I think that helped me.
• 12:31
  Don Smith: It did.
• 12:32
  Lisa Smith: Uh, because then because we processed.
• 12:35
  Lisa Smith: And then I went through a season of I was okay, and then if you have a flare-up, that's what they prescribed again.
• 12:40
  Lisa Smith: And I would immediately tell them, hey, they're prescribing this.
• 12:45
  Lisa Smith: In other words, warning.
• 12:46
  Don Smith: We would prepare ourselves because we knew it was coming.
• 12:50
  Don Smith: In other words, here don't push my buttons.
• 12:53
  Don Smith: What I had to learn to do.
• 12:53
  Don Smith: So here's the deal be careful with each other, with your words, with each other when you're angry.
• 12:59
  Don Smith: In other words, what I had to learn to do in those moments is I had to learn to say, okay, I gotta show self-control with my words and my actions in this moment, okay?
• 13:08
  Lisa Smith: And same with me.
• 13:09
  Lisa Smith: I had to realize, okay, I can be very straightforward.
• 13:13
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 13:14
  Lisa Smith: A little too straightforward.
• 13:15
  Don Smith: Or just that's just your personality anyway.
• 13:18
  Lisa Smith: But then it was like, okay, take a step back, Lisa.
• 13:22
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, you know what you're going to say.
• 13:24
  Lisa Smith: And I'm not saying some people are just naturally not very nice with their words.
• 13:32
  Don Smith: Correct.
• 13:33
  Lisa Smith: You know, and it doesn't even take medication, but we need to be aware of our own.
• 13:40
  Lisa Smith: So people will be asking us right now.
• 13:41
  Don Smith: So how do we do that?
• 13:43
  Don Smith: Well, you gotta slow down uh to accuse or to blame in those moments.
• 13:48
  Don Smith: Right?
• 13:49
  Lisa Smith: Like what, you think I'm not doing enough?
• 13:51
  Lisa Smith: Is that why you're doing that?
• 13:52
  Don Smith: So you gotta take time to calm down before you work through the issue.
• 13:56
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 13:57
  Don Smith: And I think that's what the scripture is saying.
• 13:59
  Don Smith: Hey, process this.
• 14:00
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 14:00
  Don Smith: Now don't go to bed with sin in your heart.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:03
  Don Smith: But it's okay to tell each other as husband and wife, hey, I need a minute to process this.
• 14:08
  Lisa Smith: Or I need a day or two.
• 14:10
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 14:10
  Don Smith: So, and that what happens is in those moments when you are working.
• 14:14
  Lisa Smith: Well, I mean you're angry because you have to process it.
• 14:17
  Don Smith: You're what you're doing is you're given respect and you're given kindness in those moments, even when you, especially when you disagree as a husband and wife, okay?
• 14:26
  Don Smith: And and it allows you to have a humble heart, okay, to forgive.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:32
  Don Smith: And so the first thing we want you to do is we want you to just process this.
• 14:36
  Don Smith: We want you to be careful with each other when you're angry.
• 14:41
  Lisa Smith: True.
• 14:42
  Don Smith: And and we have really said, I've said this before.
• 14:44
  Don Smith: I've said, hey, you know what?
• 14:45
  Don Smith: I'm I'm angry and I just want to take a minute and process, have an eye.
• 14:51
  Don Smith: Yes.
• 14:52
  Lisa Smith: Or I'm just not at the place that I can talk right now.
• 14:55
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 14:55
  Lisa Smith: So because I I don't want to get angry.
• 14:59
  Don Smith: In order to keep from developing a pattern of sweeping things under the rug and not dealing with it, just using that as an excuse, I don't want to deal with it.
• 15:09
  Don Smith: I'm angry, I don't want to talk about it.
• 15:10
  Don Smith: Right.
• 15:11
  Don Smith: No, no.
• 15:11
  Don Smith: Now that's what I'm saying.
• 15:12
  Don Smith: When you say that, when you say that, you have to set a time of when you can.
• 15:15
  Don Smith: So I literally have said to Lisa, hey, I'm I'm I need to process this.
• 15:20
  Don Smith: I can't talk about it right now, but I can this afternoon at three o'clock.
• 15:25
  Don Smith: Now she's okay with giving me a moment to process because she knows I'm gonna keep my word and where I'm gonna be at three o'clock.
• 15:35
  Lisa Smith: And mind you, sometimes the frustration isn't with each other that you can't talk about something.
• 15:40
  Lisa Smith: Sometimes it's just like sometimes it's work, sometimes it's other issues, and you're trying to connect with your spouse and you're trying to figure out what's going on.
• 15:52
  Don Smith: Most of the time the things you and I are frustrated with have nothing to do with each other.
• 15:55
  Don Smith: It's everything to do with all the other issues.
• 16:00
  Lisa Smith: And how to fix, sometimes like you've asked me, and sometimes I just sit there and go, I really don't know at this moment.
• 16:10
  Lisa Smith: I don't know what you can do, I don't know what you could say.
• 16:13
  Lisa Smith: So I need time to process if you'll give me the space for that.
• 16:19
  Lisa Smith: And when when I figure it out, I'll let you know.
• 16:22
  Don Smith: That's so good.
• 16:23
  Don Smith: So, first, be careful with each other when you're angry.
• 16:26
  Don Smith: Second, okay, here's another yeah.
• 16:27
  Don Smith: I hope you're writing some things down or not, just put this on repeat, play it again, that kind of thing.
• 16:31
  Don Smith: The second thing we want you to do is focus on your own heart and your own behavior.
• 16:37
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 16:38
  Don Smith: Well, I guess I you let us let us no, you didn't.
• 16:42
  Don Smith: It was perfect.
• 16:43
  Lisa Smith: I touched that.
• 16:44
  Don Smith: Yeah, so you led us right into the second thing, which was all right, um, the Bible says what?
• 16:50
  Don Smith: That God offends the flesh to reveal the Oh, and I hate that.
• 16:55
  Don Smith: So oftentimes when I'm offended, especially towards Lisa, or I'm angry, or something has happened, and you stop, you step back and go, okay, Lord, um, do I need to pray that you work on her in this moment?
• 17:11
  Don Smith: Or am I supposed to be praying that you work on me?
• 17:14
  Don Smith: You know, like most people say, You're you're the problem.
• 17:20
  Don Smith: And how many times have we heard how many times have we heard married people who are wrestling, struggling, going through a season of discouragement saying, I don't have the problem, they have the problem.
• 17:29
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 17:29
  Don Smith: I don't have a problem, they have a problem.
• 17:31
  Don Smith: It's not me, right?
• 17:33
  Don Smith: They have to, oh, oh, I I'm it's yeah, it's she says more than 50%, but I bet it's it's greater than that.
• 17:39
  Don Smith: So here's the deal you're married, and so if your spouse has a problem, you have a problem.
• 17:44
  Don Smith: You have a problem.
• 17:45
  Don Smith: Because the two shall become one.
• 17:48
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 17:49
  Don Smith: So let me put it to you in this way.
• 17:51
  Don Smith: If one spouse has a pornography issue, both spouses have a pornography issue.
• 17:57
  Don Smith: It affects maybe from different sides, different angles, but it affects you both.
• 18:01
  Don Smith: If one spouse has a spending problem, both spouses have a spending problem, okay?
• 18:08
  Don Smith: If if one spouse is a workaholic, I don't know anyone like that.
• 18:13
  Don Smith: Um both spouses have to deal with workaholicism.
• 18:19
  Don Smith: Is that a word?
• 18:20
  Don Smith: I just made it up.
• 18:21
  Don Smith: What I'm saying here is we gotta focus on our own heart.
• 18:23
  Don Smith: We gotta consider the part, okay, that we play in the matter.
• 18:28
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 18:28
  Don Smith: My dad used to say this.
• 18:30
  Lisa Smith: I know what you're saying.
• 18:31
  Don Smith: And it applies to everything, right?
• 18:33
  Don Smith: And I've I've shared this for years, I've shared this in sermons, I've shared it.
• 18:36
  Don Smith: My dad used to say this to me, Don.
• 18:38
  Don Smith: If you have a problem and you're not willing to be part of the solution, you will always have a problem.
• 18:44
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 18:45
  Don Smith: So when we focus on our own heart and our own behavior, what we're doing is saying, okay, what's my role in creating the problem?
• 18:53
  Don Smith: Right.
• 18:54
  Don Smith: And what's my role in fixing the problem?
• 18:58
  Don Smith: Brilliant advice.
• 18:59
  Don Smith: Thanks, Dad.
• 18:59
  Don Smith: Shout out to Terry Smith, right?
• 19:01
  Don Smith: A man of great wisdom and those things, right?
• 19:04
  Don Smith: So be willing to listen.
• 19:06
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, just like when you shared with me about what the medication did to me, I had to listen to it.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: That was tough.
• 19:13
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, it was tough on me too, because I'm like, no, I'm not.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:17
  Lisa Smith: You know, I got very defensive.
• 19:19
  Lisa Smith: But yeah, that's not being angry at you or anything.
• 19:23
  Lisa Smith: No, it's just that one, but that's controlling yourself.
• 19:27
  Don Smith: Oftentimes when we're angry, the first thing that happens is our ears and our hearts close to hear our spouse.
• 19:35
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 19:35
  Don Smith: And their side of it.
• 19:36
  Lisa Smith: But have you ever like had your sp spouse or parent tell you something and you get very defensive?
• 19:44
  Lisa Smith: But then someone else.
• 19:46
  Lisa Smith: A perfect stranger gives you the same exact words, same exact advice.
• 19:52
  Don Smith: And all of a sudden, it's like a light bulb went off.
• 19:54
  Lisa Smith: And all of a sudden they receive it.
• 19:55
  Lisa Smith: Oh my gosh, isn't that annoying?
• 19:59
  Lisa Smith: It's so annoying.
• 20:00
  Lisa Smith: But that's what happens.
• 20:02
  Lisa Smith: They we close off to our spouse because we feel they're nagging or they're complaining all the time instead of actually trying to be helpful or trying to share.
• 20:12
  Don Smith: When you when you consider your own heart and your own behavior, what this allows you to do as a spouse is confess any wrong that you've done so you can ask forgiveness.
• 20:21
  Don Smith: I remember uh when we first got saved back in 1992, we yeah, if you know mine and Lisa's story, uh, we came to faith in 1992 because our marriage was terrible.
• 20:31
  Lisa Smith: Well, all right, yeah.
• 20:32
  Don Smith: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:34
  Lisa Smith: We got married.
• 20:35
  Lisa Smith: I mean, we were we had a lot of baggage coming up.
• 20:38
  Don Smith: We weren't Christians and uh we had a lot of baggage, and we were new to this Christian thing, and our pastor, uh, I remember sitting in the McDonald's in Chipley, Florida.
• 20:47
  Lisa Smith: While I was working.
• 20:48
  Don Smith: She worked in the McDonald's in Chipley, Florida, and I was meeting with Pastor Rick, and I was just Can you can believe he was complaining about me?
• 20:54
  Don Smith: And I was complaining about Lisa.
• 20:55
  Don Smith: Uh while she she was there.
• 20:57
  Don Smith: While I'm working.
• 20:58
  Don Smith: She would come back and fill up Pastor Rick's cup of coffee just so she could spy on us and those times.
• 21:02
  Don Smith: That's true.
• 21:03
  Lisa Smith: I did that to all those elderly cup uh elderly people that came for coffee.
• 21:08
  Don Smith: And I remember telling Pastor Rick about the struggles, the problems uh that Lisa had.
• 21:14
  Don Smith: And I remember him looking at me and saying, you know what, Don?
• 21:17
  Don Smith: Here's what he said to me.
• 21:18
  Don Smith: He said, Don, even if you're only 10% a part of the problem, you're a hundred percent responsible for your 10%.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 21:29
  Don Smith: I'll never forget that.
• 21:30
  Don Smith: I mean, that that was 1992.
• 21:34
  Don Smith: Here it is, 2026.
• 21:35
  Don Smith: I'll never forget him looking at me.
• 21:36
  Don Smith: He has glasses, he's looking at me over his glasses.
• 21:40
  Lisa Smith: You do that now, you know that, right?
• 21:42
  Don Smith: You do that now.
• 21:43
  Don Smith: Oh, it's a little bit of Rick in me, I guess.
• 21:45
  Don Smith: Uh he does it's crazy, right?
• 21:47
  Don Smith: Because like you've got to own that part.
• 21:49
  Don Smith: I confess, hey, this was my role, and I'm sorry.
• 21:51
  Don Smith: Will you forgive me?
• 21:52
  Don Smith: It's you know, what when you develop a practice of confession, it it be it comes easier.
• 22:00
  Don Smith: And easier and easier.
• 22:02
  Don Smith: At first, it's like, oh, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to do this.
• 22:06
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 22:07
  Don Smith: But it's like apologies.
• 22:09
  Don Smith: That lets you let go of any desire to win or have the last word.
• 22:14
  Don Smith: And I'm gonna say this to married people.
• 22:16
  Don Smith: If you're more interested in being right than you are in being in relationship, your relationship is always going to struggle.
• 22:25
  Lisa Smith: Truth.
• 22:26
  Lisa Smith: Yep.
• 22:27
  Don Smith: That's the truth.
• 22:28
  Lisa Smith: We can be right when we're playing the game.
• 22:33
  Lisa Smith: And you can want to win when you're playing a game.
• 22:36
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 22:37
  Lisa Smith: But your marriage is not a game.
• 22:39
  Don Smith: Yeah, you can't relationship with that.
• 22:41
  Don Smith: I'm not saying that we should put up with bad behavior.
• 22:42
  Don Smith: No, okay.
• 22:43
  Lisa Smith: That's different.
• 22:44
  Lisa Smith: I'm not saying that we should put up with speaking truth to someone.
• 22:48
  Don Smith: What I'm saying though is I would rather be in relationship with you than I would get the last word or win or that kind of thing.
• 22:57
  Don Smith: Listen, I I want, we have learned over the years to do everything we can to make peace.
• 23:02
  Don Smith: We don't do it perfectly all the time.
• 23:05
  Don Smith: No, we don't do that.
• 23:06
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 23:06
  Lisa Smith: If there's an issue, we have to talk about the issue eventually.
• 23:10
  Don Smith: Absolutely.
• 23:10
  Lisa Smith: So it's not about letting things slide.
• 23:13
  Don Smith: I almost said it.
• 23:13
  Don Smith: Uh I almost said that's why we're on the talk about it.
• 23:16
  Don Smith: But maybe we should move this over to one of the talk about it episodes.
• 23:19
  Don Smith: That's my personal podcast was talk about it with Pastor Don.
• 23:22
  Don Smith: But uh at least and I do Wedded Wednesdays together.
• 23:24
  Don Smith: That's our podcast together.
• 23:26
  Don Smith: Um what we're trying to tell you today is this that the Lord can use your struggle to uncover selfishness and pride in your marriage.
• 23:35
  Don Smith: And what if this moment, this season of struggle is not to destroy you, but it's the Lord uh working in your marriage to uncover some things that would destroy you if you don't deal with it.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:50
  Don Smith: And and so you gotta be careful, right?
• 23:52
  Don Smith: Trust in him to use your difficult days to make you more like him as a married couple.
• 23:59
  Don Smith: Oh, we should write that down.
• 24:01
  Don Smith: We should write that down.
• 24:02
  Don Smith: Uh, because that that's really good.
• 24:04
  Lisa Smith: You don't have a pen.
• 24:05
  Don Smith: Uh no, not I don't have a pen on me, but it's on the podcast, so it we can replay it.
• 24:10
  Don Smith: So watch your words.
• 24:12
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 24:13
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 24:13
  Don Smith: Uh Psalms chapter 4, verse 4.
• 24:15
  Don Smith: In your anger, do not sin.
• 24:17
  Don Smith: When you are on your bed, search your heart and be silent.
• 24:20
  Don Smith: Uh, I like it in in the in the New Living Translation.
• 24:24
  Don Smith: Let's read it again.
• 24:25
  Don Smith: Don't sin by letting anger control you.
• 24:28
  Don Smith: Think about it overnight and remain silent.
• 24:32
  Don Smith: Wow.
• 24:33
  Don Smith: Uh that that's amazing.
• 24:36
  Don Smith: Uh, I think it's good advice.
• 24:37
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, there's nothing wrong with taking time to make sure you've got the right words to share.
• 24:42
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 24:42
  Lisa Smith: And I know we've shared it probably over a hundred times about the five to one.
• 24:48
  Don Smith: That's your that's at least it's got this five to one ratio.
• 24:51
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 24:51
  Lisa Smith: If I want to explain it real quick as we start to close, frustrated or upset about something, and this can relate to everyone in your life, you know, co-workers, whatever.
• 25:03
  Lisa Smith: Um I guess I get to practice it most with my husband.
• 25:08
  Don Smith: Oh boy.
• 25:08
  Lisa Smith: And uh I have to slow down, I gotta think of five positive things to say to my husband or about my husband before I can speak that negative thing that irritated me or whatever is going on in our situation at that time.
• 25:27
  Lisa Smith: And majority of the time, if if I take the time to do that, and you think that's easy, it's not easy when you're upset.
• 25:34
  Lisa Smith: It's not easy to think about five positive things about me.
• 25:37
  Lisa Smith: Not when you're upset with him.
• 25:39
  Lisa Smith: But um if you take the time to do that, half the time, well over half the time, I never even tell him about whatever it was.
• 25:51
  Lisa Smith: Because by the time I'm working through that, God always asks me, so why did that bother you so much, Lisa?
• 26:02
  Lisa Smith: Why did that irritate you?
• 26:04
  Lisa Smith: Why did that trigger you?
• 26:05
  Lisa Smith: What is it in you that that's an issue?
• 26:10
  Lisa Smith: And most of the time the Lord speaks to my own heart about stuff, and then I just go, Yeah, it really wasn't that big of a deal, was it?
• 26:17
  Don Smith: I love it.
• 26:18
  Don Smith: Maybe that's something you can do.
• 26:19
  Don Smith: But now when there's I I have done that.
• 26:23
  Don Smith: Oh, yeah, no, she comes and I know right away.
• 26:26
  Don Smith: I'll just I know right away she starts going, hey, I I need you to know something.
• 26:30
  Don Smith: I appreciate this about you, and I love this about you.
• 26:33
  Don Smith: And and this made me so happy.
• 26:34
  Don Smith: She's on number three, and I'm like, oh yeah, I know what's happening here.
• 26:37
  Lisa Smith: I think you tried to stop me when I first started doing it.
• 26:40
  Lisa Smith: I was like, hey, I think just go ahead.
• 26:42
  Lisa Smith: I said, nope, you better stop.
• 26:44
  Don Smith: Yep, for sure.
• 26:45
  Lisa Smith: It took me eight hours to come up with that.
• 26:48
  Don Smith: And I got two more things that I love about you that I'm gonna say.
• 26:53
  Don Smith: It was a hilarious moment.
• 26:56
  Lisa Smith: So now, so now he, if he's watching football, yeah, he will turn off that TV and give me his undivided attention to listen because he knows I really prayed and worked through something to share something that was important.
• 27:11
  Don Smith: It's it's great.
• 27:12
  Don Smith: Maybe you can adopt that.
• 27:13
  Don Smith: Try it this week.
• 27:14
  Don Smith: There you go.
• 27:14
  Don Smith: We want to leave them every every week with something they can apply to their marriage.
• 27:20
  Don Smith: This week, uh, you can do two things to start with.
• 27:22
  Don Smith: You can watch your words and you can focus on your own heart and behavior, and and you can do that.
• 27:28
  Don Smith: And but overall, you can say, how can I use the five to one ratio when I need to say something that might sound negative and see what God will do in your marriage.
• 27:37
  Lisa Smith: Well, it calms you down so that you can have better work.
• 27:40
  Don Smith: What can say just what it says here?
• 27:42
  Don Smith: Think about that five to one ratio helps you think about what is reality.
• 27:49
  Don Smith: And I I love us so much.
• 27:53
  Don Smith: Here's what I said to her one time.
• 27:55
  Don Smith: I literally said this, and I've put it in a marriage sermon series before too, but it came out of just a moment.
• 28:01
  Don Smith: I said, I I love us too much to destroy us with my words.
• 28:09
  Don Smith: And that's something I think that we want you as married people to just kind of embrace in a moment.
• 28:13
  Don Smith: Isn't that good?
• 28:14
  Don Smith: That's so good, right?
• 28:15
  Don Smith: Wow, thanks for being here today.
• 28:16
  Don Smith: Hey, can we pray for them?
• 28:18
  unknown: Sure.
• 28:18
  Don Smith: Let's pray.
• 28:19
  Don Smith: Hey, pray with us as we end today's Wedded Wednesday.
• 28:22
  Don Smith: Father, we love you.
• 28:23
  Don Smith: Thank you for this advice from the Word of God.
• 28:26
  Don Smith: We know that you have given us the word uh to help us apply it to our lives, even in our marriages, so that our marriages can become more and more like you.
• 28:37
  Lisa Smith: Father God, I just thank you for each person that's listening, Lord.
• 28:40
  Lisa Smith: And I pray right now that your peace just enter their home, Father God, and that your rest is laid upon them.
• 28:47
  Lisa Smith: And Father God, I just thank you, Lord, that you want to move in their marriages, Lord.
• 28:55
  Lisa Smith: You want to heal, you want to strengthen, unite them, Father God.
• 28:59
  Lisa Smith: And I pray as you're working in these marriages, Lord, that they will see you in a deeper way and grow deeper in relationship with you.
• 29:08
  Lisa Smith: And Father God, give them your eyes to see their spouses, Father God, that they are their ministry, Lord, and that you want them to reveal who you are to this world through their marriage, Father God.
• 29:23
  Lisa Smith: And I just thank you, Lord, that you will help us all to process, to think, to pray, to turn to you, Father God, before we speak harsh words to our spouses, Father God.
• 29:35
  Lisa Smith: Continue to join them in Jesus' name.
• 29:38
  Don Smith: Amen.
• 29:39
  Don Smith: Hey, we appreciate you guys.
• 29:40
  Don Smith: Thanks for tuning in each and every week, right?
• 29:42
  Don Smith: It's gonna be great.
• 29:43
  Don Smith: Hey, we want you to, we want to let you know that if you're listening live right now, um, our next marriage sermon series titled Marriage Mana is gonna start October 4th, 2026, right here at Firm Foundation Ministries every Sunday morning, 8, 10, and noon, okay, uh, for that for eight weeks following that.
• 30:06
  Don Smith: So we've got an eight-week marriage sermon series coming up.
• 30:11
  Don Smith: We want you to attend.
• 30:12
  Don Smith: If you can attend, we want you to tune in online.
• 30:15
  Don Smith: These series, these messages, my team and I have been working on them for months.
• 30:20
  Don Smith: They're gonna be incredible.
• 30:22
  Don Smith: And so that's good.
• 30:23
  Don Smith: But right now, we want you to just like, share, and subscribe on Facebook, uh, the live podcast that you just watched.
• 30:31
  Don Smith: But go to Spotify, go to Apple Podcasts or iHeart, wherever you get your podcast, okay?
• 30:36
  Don Smith: Uh, subscribe to that podcast there and then give us a rating.
• 30:40
  Don Smith: That help helps the algorithm because if this helps you imagine who else it can help.
• 30:45
  Don Smith: So share it on your social media because you're connected to so many people that Lisa and I are not.
• 30:50
  Lisa Smith: Correct.
• 30:50
  Don Smith: And if this helps you, it can help your friend base as well.
• 30:53
  Don Smith: And that's our heart.
• 30:54
  Don Smith: We just want people to have healthy marriages.
• 30:57
  Don Smith: That's why we do Wedded Wednesday each and every week.
• 30:59
  Don Smith: So we love you.
• 31:00
  Don Smith: God bless you.
• 31:01
  Don Smith: Thanks for tuning in, and we will see you next week.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.