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Why others reveal what we need to heal (INFP/HSP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bearers Library.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kate Harmony.
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  SPEAKER_00: In today's journal entry, I want to talk about how we can use the triggers that are coming up in our life to heal ourselves, heal our emotional hurts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a lot of us, as highly sensitive people, have a really heightened sense of emotional sensitivity as well.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: So when we come into conflict or contact with really anybody, it can feel like there's just a tenderness to us.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it can feel like the world is really callous right now.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we've talked on my channel about just this sort of lack of empathy in the world right now.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so it can feel really painful to be in relationship with, you know, friends or family or colleagues that are less sensitive, less empathetic, and are just doing their best to get on with the world.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's fine.
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  SPEAKER_00: But for us, it can feel really, really painful.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the thing is, is that I I realized I was listening to something the other day that said that research shows that the pain of emotional hurt is processed in overlapping circuits in our brain with where physical pain is processed.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the physiological response is the same to emotional pain and physical pain.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, like sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, that's actually not true.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So the the thing is is that we need to really I think it starts with with honoring ourselves as as highly sensitive people.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um like we are to other people we're too much, right?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's we're too sensitive.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's like that that's fine.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's there's things that there's a a a scale, right, of you know, more sensitive and less sensitive.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we should we should honor our own sensitivity even when the world doesn't, even when those around us do don't.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think today is the full moon in Libra.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been wondering how I can connect more with nature these days.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm um I'd like to kind of keep track of the moon cycle because I think it's a it's a grounding thing for me.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I need some groundedness and some some reflection on cycles that happen, you know.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when we're in such an intense moment, it can feel like this is going to last forever.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I'm finding it helpful to be like, you know, spring will come, you know, and things will shift.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So looking at the moon cycles, the the full and the new moon, and reflecting on those, those times, it it's it's a it's just a nice moment to touch in with this the the bigger cycles that are happening outside of my own little life and the the being bashed around by stuff that's happening for me.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so the idea of of Libra, so I like I like a little bit of astrology.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um I love the the framework and the system of it, but um it's about relationships, relating to others.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I have actually found this in my own life is that I don't always see myself clearly, right?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um sometimes when I'm talking with a friend or in the past, um talking with a friend, you know, and they're talking about their life maybe, and there's just sometimes there's a sense of I get a a really great reflection.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: I often talked about my friends as mirrors.
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  SPEAKER_00: They would mirror back to me things that I wasn't seeing in myself, or and not necessarily like bad things, like really, really profound things, really um things that helped me to grow.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I always so appreciated um my friends for for that.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, and family can do that sometimes in a different way if we've got struggles with family, and um, but using seeing relationships as a as a as a mirror to ourselves.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that a lot of us as sensitive, big-hearted, empathetic people, we can really find ourselves, you know, triggered as a I'm I'm not sure that I like that word, but that's kind of how it feels when we like there's just this sense of emotional chaos or overwhelm that happens in us.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I often think about it as like um, you know, the the sediment to this in in you know, in the lake when you stir up the sediment, it gets all cloudy.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of how it feels like inside.
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  SPEAKER_00: It feels like watery and when it stirs up, it's like and I can't I can't make sense of anything until I let that all that sediment calm down.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I know for me, when I get to that place, I always need to just say to whoever I'm talking to, mostly my husband, because that's who I'm who I interact with on a daily basis, to say, I just need a timeout to let let things settle for a minute, and then I can come back and and talk through what what just happened or whatever.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: But um so we can use our relationships and especially especially the painful ones to reflect on what is happening for us, right?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: To say what what is this what is this showing me about my own psyche, my own patterns, behaviors?
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  SPEAKER_00: What what's what's happening for me?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so using that as a tool of growth, and it can be really hard.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's like to sort of ask, why am I being why am I offended by this person?
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  SPEAKER_00: Why am I hurt by this person?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what what's happening?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And to to just kind of calm the emotions a little bit and to think through what what might be what childhood hurts and patterns might be coming up for us.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know for me, and that's why we'll I'll get there.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that those are some questions we can ask.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, and then on the other hand, it's like, what does that part of me need right now?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I'm getting better at asking that question and being kind to myself and giving myself kindness and empathy.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I have this abandonment wound.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a very early one from when I was a baby.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: My mom went back to work right away, and I was kind of left with um a nanny or something, I don't even know, you know, and my dad wasn't around.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I think there was just a really that really early sense of separation from my mom.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's been re-triggered in the last number of years with my mom, and it's just like to the point of feeling actually abandoned, just kind of wrote me off.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, all right.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's coming up for me, and daily sometimes a thought will will come up and and really the pain of it, right?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: What I talked about earlier, the emotional pain, it's the same senses, like the same, what is it, the physiological response as physical pain.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you think about when we encounter physical pain, our first response is to like sort of push it away to not want to feel it, to not, you know, and but that that makes it all worse.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've realized.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of need to feel it to heal it.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's my current mantra, feel it to heal it.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's um we can we can choose to I think the the point of of recognizing these things, of of asking and reflecting on these questions and our relationships is to to be able to honor our sensitivity, to recognize what's happening, saying, This is my emotional sensitivity, and it's okay to be this sensitive, like to honor that, because the world and the people around us have, I don't know about you, but it it has kind of made us feel like we need to harden ourselves and and not feel that way, but we can't help it.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: So honoring our sensitivity and and doing our best to find ways, pathways through that uh help us to not harden our hearts.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm really working on this because as you know, I've been dealing with a lot, but it I just feel it feels like I don't want to be this sensitive, I don't want to be this empathetic, this kind, this whatever sometimes it it hurts too much.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: So there's like a hardening, and I don't want to harden.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: I I believe I want to be uh um a soft, empathetic, but at the same time strong and healthy person to be able to hold space for others to have big emotions or whatever it may be.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't want to harden my heart.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's not something that I want to live with in the future.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to, I I want, I want a soft heart.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So um I think something that I I've kind of been thinking about might be helpful in this world, whether it's the world at large that is causing us to feel overwhelm or anxiety, or whether it's certain people in our lives that are causing us to um reflect on these wounds inside of us, these like these things that we're dealing with, whether it's abandonment or, you know, there's lots of things, lots of things.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: But um I was thinking we could do a little visualization of you know, in in one hand, holding in our one hand the hurt, the pain of whatever relationship or or situation you're dealing with, holding it in one hand, the the social exhaustion, the, you know, whatever.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So holding that in one hand, getting a sense of that pain and that hurt and that sensitivity.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And in the other hand, that we hold our resilience.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we hold our our ability to observe what's happening for ourselves inside our emotional well-being, our emotions, the the sea that's happening in there, um, and our deep empathy and this sort of the inner sanctuary, our strength.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we hold our our resilience and strength in one hand and the hurt pain trigger on the other.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if we can just hold those and not try and reconcile them or or get rid of the pain or the hurt or the trigger, just sitting with them both and seeing what happens, seeing what happens when we just sit and breathe and hold space for both of those those feelings.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think so often I focus on the hurt and the pain and the trigger and the all the stuff.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't necessarily always remember to focus on the fact that I am so resilient, you know.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: We've we've gotten this far in our lives being so sensitive.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know, we will we will continue to to survive and thrive, hopefully, and and sort of holding that potential possibility for thriving in in our other hand.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so then, you know, sitting with this, it then can hopefully we can find a way to choose a path forward, to choose a response that honors our ourselves.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so it might be that we need to set boundaries with other people in our lives or with, you know, the world and our our own like contact with the internet.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because that's where all the the news comes in about what's happening in the world.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um so and also maybe recognizing that that their stuff that they're bringing up, the people in our lives that have have stuff, it's like it's not our stuff, and we can kind of let that go and um so that we can, yeah, choose, choose a conscious path forward.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm sitting with with this new moon in Libra, and I hope that this reflection was was helpful, um, gave you some ideas about journaling or exercises, the visualization exercises.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to hear from you in the comments what this what this reflection brought up for you, what it is that that you're going through.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I always love hearing from you about what's happening in your life because it helps me to feel not so alone in my own sensitivities, in my own stuff that's going on, and it can be wonderful stuff that you're that you're dealing with, because we're not dealing with, I guess you wouldn't be dealing with it, but going through, I I love celebrating, you know, the the wins, you know, that people are having, that they're writing more, that you know, that you're enjoying your creativity and and and creating a lot more now.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And and so I just I love hearing it all, and I love supporting and cheering you on in the comments.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: So please, please uh do drop me a comment.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um I would love for you to give me a thumbs up and subscribe to the Light Bears Library because I love having you here.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I wish you so many blessings today.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Signing off for now, XOXO Kate.