Latest / Goon Tavern / 10 Things You'll Want in a Wife; 10 Things You Don't

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10 Things You'll Want in a Wife; 10 Things You Don't · Goon Tavern

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: According to the Institute for Family Studies 2026 report, America's Demoralized Men, based on a nationally representative UGov survey conducted in April 2025, more than 59% of young men ages 18 to 29 are not currently in a romantic relationship.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: 59%?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: That is an alarming number, but what does it actually mean?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it that so many young men are single?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: What is keeping them from forming relationships, getting married, and building families?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to look into some of these hot topics, but we're also going to examine something that may not receive enough attention, because it seems increasingly difficult for young men to find a suitable, godly spouse, and there are several factors worth examining.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: One is the influence of modern feminist ideology, which does not only affect the culture outside the church, but it has also crept into the church itself.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Another major factor is modern dating culture, particularly dating apps, where expectations and standards can sometimes become uh unrealistic.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Creating an environment where a relatively small percentage of men are considered desirable while many others are completely overlooked altogether.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: We tell young men, find a woman who loves Jesus, and yes, that's good, but it's gotta go deeper than that.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: But we gotta ask ourselves, is that enough?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: What does it actually mean to find a biblical wife as it talks about in Proverbs?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: What character should a young man be looking for?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: What should he examine beyond outward appearance, personality, chemistry, or even simple profession of Christian faith?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: What does scripture actually teach us to look for in a woman who will become a wife, mother, and a partner in building a household one day?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps just as importantly, are we also teaching young women what it means to become that kind of wife that a godly man would desire?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because from my perspective, a lot of young men are finding it very difficult to find traditionally minded godly women within the church, and it's becoming more and more difficult to find that.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're gonna go deeper than the idea of does she love Jesus?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk about character, femininity, faithfulness, submission, family, wisdom, modesty, motherhood, and the biblical vision of marriage and why these things matter when choosing a spouse.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And for the ladies, of course, listening, this isn't simply just a message for men, so pay attention.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're hoping to marry a godly man, you should also ask yourself, am I becoming the kind of wife that a godly man would want?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So whether you are a young man trying to navigate the modern dating world, which is crazy out there, as I know, or you're a woman preparing for marriage, or perhaps a parent raising sons or daughters, or simply someone concerned about the future of Christian marriage and dating culture, we're going to explore this together.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, this conversation will not only challenge us but encourage us, and most importantly, point us back towards God's design for marriage.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody, welcome to the Goon Tavern.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: We are back, ladies and gentlemen.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is exciting news because, because, because, I will tell you why.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is our official start of our second season of the Goon Tavern.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I know, it is absolutely amazing.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Please, please.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you do me too well.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for that.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope all of you are doing out there.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you had an amazing summer.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And what else happened?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see, gosh, we had let's see, we got riots going on in Ireland, and we got stuff going on in France.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, good old France.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I got tons of notes here.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I know that you are all having a great day, and today we're gonna talk about something really important.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Probably the most important decision that any man will ever make in his entire life.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And no, I am not talking about what type of underwear between boxers or briefs.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: I am not talking about that whatsoever.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Even though I know some might think that we could do a whole episode on that, I'm not going to do so.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm pretty sure there is some episode or probably some long-winded YouTube video that probably explains why one is better than the other.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't really care.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just know this, you know, just avoid polyester.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I heard.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna get into it.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And as we were talked about in the opening, we are gonna talk about 10 things, all right?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: 10 things that you men out there need to look for in a wife, and 10 things that you want to avoid.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And sure, we could have probably made a list of 20 things or 30, but 10's is just a nice round number, and people just like the number 10.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of a popular thing.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why, but something about a what is it, mojo those videos top 10 of everything, and it's always something like, oh, the best disaster.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, is there such a thing as a best disaster?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna have some of my tea there.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And uh but I'm excited about this because I have been in the same boat that a lot of you guys that are listening, and even you ladies that are listening, this will be valuable as well as you.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So don't tune out on me, okay?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know that it is a daunting task out there.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: We have obviously talked about past episodes of dating and relationships and what it's like out on the dating apps, and it's crazy out there.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: As Donald Trump would say, it's a complete disaster, it's a total, complete disaster out there.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: The dating apps are not doing very well out there.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: People aren't finding the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I tend to agree, it's tough.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that people, it's not only just you want to find love, but it's the idea of honestly looking at the overall picture of the future, where you want to head in life, and who you want to be by your side when you head in that direction.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And guys, I would say this.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I told my wife, okay, I told her that you know what?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am looking for a Christian wife that when I ride into battle on my steed.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I'm a helpless romantic.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can't help it.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: That I don't want my wife to stop me from going into battle.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I want her to be able to pick her up and she gets on the back of my saddle and rides into battle with me.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, that's the type of life that you want.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You want a wife that's gonna follow you into the mission, into not only the sunset, but into the dark places that you're gonna face together, whether that be like possibly hardship, trouble, raising children, possibly sickness along the way, maybe a family member or yourselves.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the idea of something that goes beyond yourself.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: But we lose the idea of like it's very easy to have your checklists, okay.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I tend to find that guys have a shorter checklist than ladies most of the time, from my perspective that I've seen.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you also have to have realistic expectations.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I think this list is a fair expectations that I think young men, and even if you're not young and you're still trying to find someone, that these will still be of value to you and not be a deterrent or discouragement.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, we can dive right into this, but I want you guys to think of this well.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: These are obviously this list is subjective.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's from my perspective of what I think are the most important things, but I could be completely wrong.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And please leave comments if you like at the bottom of ones that you think I missed or that I should have added.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And please, at the same time, we are growing right now.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're on a lot of different platforms right now, which is really exciting.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, any type of platform you can think of, our podcast is on there.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And for sure, give us a like, give us a share if you think someone else can benefit from this wisdom and knowledge that I've accumulated over these, say, over four decades on this measly little planet.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: But we're gonna dive right into it.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna start with number one.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, all right.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, okay.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And this is obviously gonna sound like a given, but it has to, it's we're gonna go deeper.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so first is obviously a genuine love for Christ, okay?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Her faith isn't merely a label, okay?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It can't be just like, I'm a Christian by title, slap the label on me.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: But she actually seeks God.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: She wants her life shaped by the scripture, not just by her own ideas, her own way of thinking or emotions or feelings, but she really is convicted by the scriptures.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: She not only is convicted by the scriptures, but that she pours over the scriptures.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: She reads.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Find a woman that likes to read as well, a woman that likes knowledge and not just, and I'm not talking about just reading trash novels or romantic novels, but there's books that you know you can read that I get or might be romantic, but not the trashy romantic, obviously.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: But that she likes to read and understand scripture and theology.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of times we kind of think like, oh, theology is kind of like a do thing.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I would like a wife that cares about what the Bible says and what it is supposed to be, how it's activated, how it is not translated, but transcribed in terms of like understanding it and the context and hermeneutics.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is something you want to look for, that she really cares about God's word.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the contrast of that, okay, is obviously like love of self.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: She is self-centered, she uses the idea of basically herself is the center of it.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the scripture.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: She tends to rely too much on her feelings or her gut.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, granted, there's discernment, that's a good thing, but you don't want to have it where someone is always basically that's how she determines her direction of where she's gonna head in life.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: You want it to be where it's definitely anchored in God's word and scripture.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: The number two that we have on here, we have character and integrity.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: So she's honest, all right.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: She's trustworthy, does what is right even when nobody is watching, okay?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say honesty, it's with the sense that she's willing to give you a good advice, or if she's concerned about something, that she voices her thoughts on that.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: You want your wife to be a counsel to you.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're guys, you're gonna make a lot of hard, tough decisions as you get older, and especially as you get married, because it tends to change your dynamic when you're making decisions because it's not just about you anymore.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now you have a wife and possibly kids coming along.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So you're gonna have to make some very big decisions down the road that you're going to have to, you know, sometimes it might be obvious, and you might not have to have it where you have to have a ton of counsel on some things, and some are bigger than others.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: You like you're gonna get a different job, you're gonna move somewhere, possibly join a different church.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Those are all very big decisions that you want to have a wife that's gonna be honest about that.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: That she's trustworthy as well, that she has high uh integrity, that she is praised by her peers.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of times we investigate the person that we're dating a lot.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: We ask a lot of questions and stuff.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I would also say that ask a lot of questions of the people that know them best, you know, anyone that interacts with them, that has seen their character, that you can be able to have a different perspective than just what they are presenting to you.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And because it's very easy to do, it's very easy to just hone in on okay, I trust what they're saying and everything else.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not to say that everybody out there is a complete liar and they're just always, but within dating, it's always about putting your best foot forward.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes time before those little ugly gremlins pop their head out and you're like, oh, they I didn't know they would get upset about that, or I didn't know how they react to that way.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: So you want to have that, you know.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: You want to have it where she does things without always having the attention on her, that she does the right thing even though she doesn't have an audience.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think with today a lot with social media, we want that recognition when we say something right or we do something right.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I really hate those videos, by the way, where they just go and they buy a homeless person all this stuff, and it's like, oh, look, I put it on YouTube.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Aren't I such a great person?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, sometimes they are very touching videos, but it's just the idea that scripture is clear that do something that your father in heaven sees, and that he will give you glory rather than the praise of man.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that's very important.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: The contrast to that would be a lack of accountability.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: You do not want a woman or a wife that is going to basically deflect from having accountability.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: If she doesn't have mentors in her life, if she doesn't have someone that she confides in, whether that be an older lady that is older than her in the church that is mentoring her, that would be a good sign of that she is above reproach.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: She wants someone that has wisdom in her life to speak into her life, that she's not just going about always just consulting her friends that are of the same age that aren't exactly where she wants to be in life.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a tendency a lot of times with ladies, and even guys, sometimes we probably like seek advice from our own age group.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that we can't get wisdom from that per se, but a lot of times, you know, we we're talking to people that aren't exactly where we want to be.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: If we're talking to our single ladies that aren't married, they don't have kids, they haven't been married for a long time, they're not gonna have the best advice of like, well, I got I got some news.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know all about marriage and I know about raising kids and how to keep a man, and they're not gonna know that.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, for ladies that are listening, seek out older women that can give you great advice on how to become a godly woman in that regard.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: But accountability is a big one, and I think like there is definitely uh it's like a kryptonite to a lot of ladies out there.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have it where the whole Lindsay Clancy thing happened, it's very easy to just lean on that's like she had a mental disorder, so therefore it's justifiable and understandable that she killed her three kids.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that all the women out there are obviously Lindsay Clancy, but the point I'm trying to make is that there is a huge lack of accountability.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: You want a woman in your life that is going to admit wrong, that's going to want to better herself, that's gonna want to repent, that is going to want to seek out people that are going to keep her in check, honestly.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: You want that because there are gonna be blind spots that even you might not see.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes if she has older women in her life and they are able to spot those things and she's able to rub off on those women as iron sharpens iron, it's gonna be a good thing for you, and you're gonna have a stronger wife all for it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing we'll move into is number three, okay?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: We have kindness and compassion, all right?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Does she treat people well?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: And including people who can't do anything for her, all right.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that, okay?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is I'll give two examples, all right?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: One is how does she treat the waiter or waitress when you go out to eat?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is she snooty?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is she snobby?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Does she say please?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Does she say thank you?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it the idea that she's very much focused on that, oh, you are to bow down to me and do as I say and as I please?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do get it wrong, I will make sure to rub your nose in it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference, like when your orders, if she gets her order and it's wrong per se, how does she react?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Does she politely tell the waiter, oh I'm sorry, this isn't what I exactly ordered.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I ordered this, and or is she kind of like, What's wrong with you?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you get my order wrong?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: I no, that's not why I ordered that.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: I ordered this.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you not get me what I asked for?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good thing to look at how she treats her family, how she treats her parents as well.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Does she show respect to them?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's important.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And kindness and compassion, it's not that men don't have this trait, but I think women excel in this very well.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's a sense of compassion, just when how does she react when she sees a homeless person?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: How does she react when she sees a stray dog?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or has she react also when she hears about someone that's struggling from an illness?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have a heart to okay, let's pray for that person?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Is there's a sense of selflessness that she considers others before herself?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say including people who can't do anything for her, it's basically is there examples in her life where you can see that she's done kind things knowing that she's not gonna get anything out of it.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, in other words, there's no gain other than just doing something righteous, kind, and compassionate out of the love that Christ has done in her heart.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: If that's there, that's a huge bonus because how she's gonna treat other people is also how she's going to treat you.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I know my wife, she loves babies, she loves dogs, she always has a heart for people that are hurting, and there's definitely a sense of her heart is just is large, wanting to take care of people.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: She loves her family dearly, and I see that greatly in my wife, and that's something that you want as well because that's how she's gonna treat you, that's how she's gonna treat also your parents, her parents as well, and when they get older, also her kids as well, like being nurturing and stuff.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that those are huge things that you want.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: The the contrast to that, other than being obviously kindness and compassion, is she's cold to others.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is when she's cold to others, it's like does she see herself in certain classifications that other people will never even touch?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, how does she respond to people that aren't in the same vocabulary?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: If someone's not as smart as her, or someone's maybe not as well dressed as her per se?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh that just depends on the person, you know.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Some people like care about fashion more than others.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: But does she have this lens that she observes people that it's just not the same as where it's almost like a comparison in terms of like how she views people?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be shown also in, I would say this too, this is another factor that sometimes can pop out sometimes.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be on social media as well.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is she always just posting pictures of herself all the time?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Bathroom selfies, whatever, the the typical the phone at an angle with the like puckered duck lips.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what she's trying to portray to the world?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge red flag.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't want that.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm currently working at a data center, and I can't help but think of like the percentage of this massive large building that I'm working at.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I thought about this the other day.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, golly, I can't think of how much percentage this building is probably gonna hold bathroom selfies.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder what it is.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a third?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is it half of the building?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to think about it.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh, it just gives me chills just thinking about it.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: But so anyway, we have number four.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: All right, we have humility.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Can she admit when she is wrong?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is she able to receive correction?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Does she apologize without constantly shifting blame?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll go through a few of these.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And admitting when she's wrong is just like if she lost her temper or she just maybe didn't take in account what you thought about a certain situation or something.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Is she sensitive to your how she's treating you in terms of respect when she receives correction?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you observe, like, how does she act when her parents point out something, or if she's let's say at a sermon, does she like react to it?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Does she talk in a way that she says, you know, that last sermon, like I felt convicted about this part that was said by the pastor?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Those are good signs because it means that she not only just has the humility to be able to acknowledge when she can do better, but it's not always this idea that I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, and you better just accept that.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the princess, I'm the queen, and don't you forget it.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: We have also shift blaming is something that can happen as well.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: When let's say you have a disagreement, let's say you're dating this person.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is there always an excuse that's made for her bad behavior?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or is there blame shifting that takes place?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge contrast.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want that.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so the contrast.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Contrast to humility is that you also have she's never repentant and never says that she's wrong.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge problem as well.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: You want to have it where you have a wife that is wanting to grow with you, that is able to see their sin and want to cut the dragon's head off as much as you do.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And because that's going to be a huge problem down the road if there ever is a time where there is sin in her life and she just is unrecognizable to it, or she wants to take accountability for it, or she won't ever admit that she is wrong.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that kind of goes back to what we talked about a little earlier about accountability and having someone in her life.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Those are huge problems because a marriage can't really survive without accountability.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, a marriage can't survive if there's not a willingness to grow as Christians and to repent and to ask for forgiveness of each other.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's massive, massive.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's so many times where I've messed up and I have to ask for forgiveness.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: And but I don't look at it as this idea that I'm less special because I have to ask for forgiveness.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a beautiful thing.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Asking for forgiveness could only come from God's Holy Spirit working in my heart to do the right thing.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not an ugly thing.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times I know sin can be ugly, but thank God that we have a heart that's wanting to repent, that's wanting to make things right.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have a fiance or a girlfriend right now that are you're looking for a wife, you want to have someone that has that spirit that wants to learn and wants to do better.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's massive.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: You really got to have it where that is the case.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: So humility is a very big thing.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: We have, and this is where it gets kind of like dicey, okay.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: You have number five here, okay.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've heard this several times from pastors before.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: They'll say, ladies, if a guy talks to you and you're dating him and he talks about wanting you to submit to him, you run for the hills, ladies.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: You run like heck, okay.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the question, okay.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: I biblically, how the passage works is it talks about wives submit to your own husbands.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that is correct.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies, your boyfriend isn't your husband.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: However, though, if you are dating him, you're wanting him to potentially be your husband.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say this.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, you don't have to obviously give a speech of you need to submit to me, lady, kind of thing.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I think you should ask her the question, though, of hey, what is your what are your thoughts on how do you understand biblical?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's a key word, biblical submission, as it talks about in Ephesians chapter five.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the questions you want to ask, guys, because it's not that she has to submit to you because obviously you're not married, but how she acts towards you while you're dating is how she's going to act with you when you're married.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, in other words, here's a good sign, guys.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: If let's say she has a friend that is probably not the best influence on her life, and you see this, okay, but she has other friends that are good influences, but maybe she doesn't.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you went talk to her and said, I was just observing and I was just kind of concerned of some of the friends because I see kind of the things that they like to promote and what they like.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just, I'm just concerned that might rub off on you.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to be careful with your friends and just be careful, like how much time you spend with people that don't think the same way that you do in terms of a biblical worldview, because that can be very, it can be very enticing to want to be like them in terms of them influencing you more than you influencing them.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if her reaction, guys, if her reaction is like, you know what, I'm gonna I'm gonna consider this and look this over and think about that, yeah, because I care about what you think.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: If she ends up listening to you when you give that advice and she's following your lead, okay, she's following your lead because the whole idea of when you're dating is that if she's not willing to follow your lead while you're dating, she's not going to follow your lead when you're married.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: And she should have a submissive heart, how she reacts to you being the boyfriend or fiancee at the time.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you see that, that is a good sign.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, granted, yeah, you're not her husband yet.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I know pastors like to say that, but I think sometimes they miss the idea of, yeah, I don't think boyfriends need to go around and say, lady, you need to submit to me because you're not married yet.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: However, I think the question should be brought up though, is what are your thoughts on biblical submission?
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: In terms of not blind obedience, but to have the ability to respect your lead and respect your input and your advice that you give and to take that into consideration and want to grow from that.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that she's not argumentative.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, you don't want a combative wife that's constantly always going to just challenge every single word you say.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about things that are like major, I'm talking about little things for the sake of arguing.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: For the sake of arguing, it's just not healthy.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want that.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: A contentious woman is like a constant dripping, as it says in Proverbs.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to have a wife like that.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to end in disaster.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually it's going to eat you up.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: It really will.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so you want to have it where there's genuine respect, she appreciates you, a desire to build up her husband or you, how she treats you, builds up her own rather than to tear you down.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if she is constantly encouraging you when you have goals and aspirations, and she wants those to exceed and she wants to help you with those things, that's huge.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if she is able to always build you up, talk well about you, especially in front of others, like she honors her father and mother as well.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's another sign of submission.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Does she respect her father?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Does she respect her mother as the authority figures in her life?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: Even if, let's say, she's moved out.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times I know I think a lot of Christian circles, they feel that once their kids move out, that okay, they're not my responsibility anymore.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, every, of course, father and mother would say, that's not the case.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: We obviously are still going to care about our kids.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's never going to go away.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a good thing.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think though, what happens is sometimes is there's this idea that the father feels like, okay, she's a grown woman, she can do whatever we want.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I would say that fathers need to still be involved with their daughters even after they move out and to give advice and counsel to them.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's important.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly don't think, even from my perspective, I don't think that, you know, women necessarily always need to move out necessarily within a certain time period.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's good that they are under her father's teaching and guidance and counsel and that her father then hands her over to her husband, and then the protection continues on through her husband to spiritually guide her, and it carries on.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: So how she treats her mom and dad is a huge sign.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Does she respect her father when she has when her father has rules and regulations, especially as she's still living with them?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or does she also seek out their counsel when she has to make big decisions?
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's huge because that's her wanting her her parents or her father to help her to make better decisions.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a sign of respect that she has for her father, and that will carry on to you.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: If she respects her father, she will likely respect you.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: So if she's talking down to her father, not respecting her father or tearing him down or making fun of him, then yes, there's a huge problem.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd like to also know where did she learn that if she was doing that?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's a huge thing that needs to be uh addressed and talked about in dating, because it's a huge part of marriage, guys.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you want to have a wife that's gonna have a heart to want to follow your leadership, to respect you, to submit to you as to the Lord.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: And get this too.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this might help as well.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because we tend to always, when like there's rules that are placed on us as spouses, whether it's husband or wife, we like to complain that, well, they're not following their part of the bargain, so why should I have to?
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the husband might think it's the same way as the wife or whatever.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's the problem: you are following scripture not just to please your spouse, you're following scripture because you love Christ.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you cannot follow your role as you would because you love Christ, then you have no business getting married.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: End of story.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to hear it anymore.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: I am so sick and tired of hearing excuses after excuses from a lot of times.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this is like, you're picking on the ladies, you know.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: How dare you! But here's the truth, okay?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime there's something up about submission, I hear constant loopholes why they don't have to do it, why they think it's not biblical, mutual submission, baloney, because they don't understand context or hermeneutics in the passage in Ephesians chapter five.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: And ladies, I think you need to stop making excuses for being rebellious.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, from my perspective, I see it constantly.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: And ladies, you're not gonna find your husband being happy.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're just not if you're always because your mentality is like you're placing your husband's performance based on your reasoning of why you want to follow scripture, and you can't do that, you just can't.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have to approach it from the idea that this is about glorifying God and obeying Christ and his example that he set before us.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the thing.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, guys, I just want to say if you have it where you bring this up in dating per se, and there's a lot of excuses of where she doesn't think that this is how it's supposed to be, or it's mutual submission, I would just get out of there.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have a terrible marriage.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: The contrast to this, obviously, from submission is this idea of false independence.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I say false independence because no one's truly independent, okay?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's dependent on someone to some extent, okay.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're wanting to get married and you're wanting to be independent, don't get married.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because getting married is not about being independent, it's about being dependent upon each other, your spouse, your wife, your husband.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would avoid boss babes that are just wanting a huge career and make lots of money because their focus is still gonna be the same when they have kids.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Unwilling to allow you to lead, a lack of trust in you.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is she a feminist?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Does she hold to secular feminist ideology with the idea of I don't need no man and I can take care of myself and I don't need you.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: I got my own money, and we're gonna have our own bank accounts.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: And or I've heard videos where I've seen it where it's like, oh, well, there's your money, which is my money, and my money is my money.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is not going to make a good marriage.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be combative, it's going to be argumentative, you're gonna butt heads.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like trying to drive a car with two steering wheels.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna work.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to just crash or go straight off a cliff because someone has to lead.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: Someone has to lead.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: And God has made it clear like how that looks.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a lot of pressure on men to do so, and they have to.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's required of them.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's what they are designed for.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: God has designed mind to men to have that ability to take on heavy pressure and heavy loads, not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally, to be able to hold the family together, to be that strong pillar that whenever your wife comes to you and has an issue, she knows you're going to take care of it and you're going to do the best thing out of the interest of her.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what makes, of course, at the same time, submission a lot easier.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like both would have to just do their part.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can't have it where people are playing two different tunes at the same time.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: You both have to play your part.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: And play your part as unto the Lord, not unto your spouse.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: But granted, yeah, if you play your part unto the Lord, your spouse will be happier.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: I guarantee you.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: The hard part is to do it when the other one isn't.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's still required of you, whether you like it or not.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: There is no clause that says, well, if my wife respects me, I'll love her.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no clause that says, well, if my husband leads and loves me well, then I'll submit to him.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't work that way.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't work that way.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're thinking of having a marriage like that, it's going to be a complete failure.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, we have faithfulness and loyalty.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: She takes marriage seriously and is committed to working through difficulties rather than treating divorce as the first solution.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is she committed to helping you achieve your mission and goals that God has called you to be as a husband and leader?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is crucial as well.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mentioned that kind of analogy of the idea of me riding into battle, okay.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: The thing is, it's always easy in the beginning when everything is rosy.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: But then let's say one of you gets sick, or one of you gets in a car accident and you're paralyzed.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: Then it doesn't become the ideal situation of how you expect it.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or you have a child that has special needs.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: Those are challenging things.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps you maybe aren't going to be able to have kids.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, you got to ask these hard questions up front and actually consider these things.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think a lot of times we get married and oh, she's healthy and I'm healthy and like it.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: So well, sickness and health, to death to us part, for rich or for poor.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies, you can marry a guy that's very successful.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: He could lose his job and business overnight.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you don't have the anchor of God's word in your life, when those hard things hit the fan, it becomes very difficult for marriage.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I say faithfulness and loyalty, does she take it seriously and is committed to working through difficulties?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll see that as you're dating someone.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so keep an eye out for those things.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: It could be something small, like you lost your job while you were dating.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: How did she react?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Did she say, like, oh, well, God's going to provide something?
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be praying for that you find a better job than you had.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or does she start to worry?
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have the ability to go to scripture when there's difficult times?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have that maturity?
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good thing.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is she committed to helping you to achieve your mission?
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is huge too.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot have two missions in a marriage.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: And as it's talks about in scripture, like Eve was made for Adam.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't the other way around.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: I will make him a helper for him.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so, guys, you want to have a wife that is on board with your mission and your goals that you have set before yourselves.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: That could be actually missions work in terms of wanting to go to the missions field.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: It could be want to do pastoring.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it might be.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: It could also just be a business.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: It could be that you're just going to have a certain career either in the trades or you're going to have like your own, I don't know, law firm or whatever it might be.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: Does she back you up in your goals and helps you get across the finish line?
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know, like right now, my wife is a huge help with me in trying to reach my goals.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: And she's my secretary.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: I call her my sexy secretary.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: And there's times where I might need something specifically, she's on it.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: She's willing to take those little things that like I don't have time for or that I can't get done.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not, it might seem little to some people looking from outside, but it's huge.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's huge for me because I don't have to worry about these things because she is such a big help to me.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she wants me to achieve what God has called me to be.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what you want.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can't have it where you have she has her own goals and her own aspirations, and then you have your missions and goals, and you're gonna think that those are just gonna completely they're gonna fork at some point.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: One's gonna pull the other direction.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have to both be on board.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: And some might say, like, well, that seems unfair.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean like the wife can't have any vision or something?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, the idea is for her to have a vision of how she can be a helper to her husband.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: That is what it's called to be a wife, is to be a helpmeet, to be a helper for her husband.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that she can't have something on the side to make money.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: We have the Providence of the One Woman where she did certain things to make money, planting a buying a vineyard to make extra income for the house, entrepreneurship in that regard that can help financially to pay off the house sooner, whatever.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: You talk about all these things as a husband and wife to figure out how that works.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because your wife has gifts and talents and she has a lot of things to offer.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a beautiful thing when you can find that for your wife.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want your wife to feel bored or unused.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to feel useless.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone wants to feel needed in some way.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that goes back to the main thing that I mentioned is that you cannot go into marriage thinking independently.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to work.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to work.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: So those are some huge things.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: The contrast to that, too, in the one that we just went through, which was faithfulness and loyalty, is a course for faithfulness and loyalty to condition, and is it based on your decisions to follow them sometimes?
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, in other words, does her faithfulness and loyalty go as far as until it gets difficult?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: And based on your decisions, will she follow them sometimes?
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: Is her loyalty just well, okay, I'll follow this time because that doesn't sound so bad?
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or this one, okay, yeah, I'm okay with that.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds great.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and there's gonna be that times where that's gonna be the case.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you might have a crazy idea and you might have a great idea, depending on what it looks like.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: The same thing you can look at too is how her friendships and family are.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing you don't want as well, if you're going to marry this woman, is her loyalty stronger to her friendships and family more than you.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: A marriage cannot survive extra people in the marriage that are bucking for position or her attention.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are to become one flesh.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: For a husband, a man will leave his mother and father, and the two shall become one flesh.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so what you need to do too is you need to protect your oneness.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: If she is too concerned about what her mom thinks, what her dad thinks, and she's not cleaving to you, that's a huge problem.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because if she has her own goals and isn't supportive of your goals, or she just expects you to do your own goals on your own time, it's not gonna work.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're gonna feel like you're doing things on your own, you're not gonna feel like you're maybe achieving certain things, and it's gonna be really hard.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: You have to have a team.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like for me, I call it it's like we are McKeever Incorporated, you know, and we treat it like a business.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: How we make decisions, how we decide things, how we work together.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, I can do this part and you can do this.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: And would you like to do this part?
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like, oh, I'd love to do that.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be great.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Han.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be sweet.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I can, oh, I can kill that.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: And they do, and she excels, and it's great.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: You really want that.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want it where her faithfulness and loyalty are just based on the condition when your decisions go well, or that when things are going just smoothly.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: You want to keep an eye out for how she her faithfulness and loyalty, how she responds when things don't go well, and you have to pick up the pieces and try again, or you might fail, either at a business or something.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: How does she react when those things happen?
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Number seven, we have emotional maturity, okay?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: Can she communicate honestly?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: Does she hold back?
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Does she s tell half-truths?
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is she just very not vulnerable in the right way?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: How does she handle disagreements?
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's a huge one.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say for both of you, like, how do you both handle disagreements?
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: To does she like to mold it over once you have a disagreement and think about it?
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Does she like to handle it right then and there?
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: And there's not necessarily a right or wrong answer to that.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: People handle disagreements differently, and you got to cope with that and you gotta dance with that and figure out like how to work at it and just talk through that.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: The best time to talk about it too is not when you're in the argument, just to clarify.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: That can get really, really nasty.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: But definitely have it where just ask that question one time on a date.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: How do you handle disagreement?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do you usually like to just voice certain things that you disagree and then I share some things that I agree with or disagree with?
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then how do you work it out?
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: Can so when I say can she communicate honestly, like when then when there is a disagreement, that she doesn't hold it in as well.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: Does she reveal when she has an issue or when she's concerned about something?
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Something because that means that she trusts you as well if she does that.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good thing.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: And does she handle disagreements without manipulation, without having it where it's this emotional game, trying to use her emotions to manipulate you by crying or by trying to make you feel bad for asking a question that's legitimate and there's nothing wrong with asking the question or trying to figure out those things because maybe she wants it her way and she feels like you're not letting her or whatever, whatever it might be.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: Manipulation's a huge red flag as well.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: And does she work towards to resolving the conflict?
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: Does she want peace?
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: Does she want to resolve the issue?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you don't want to have it where you have a wife that's constantly gonna just not bring peace to your life.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: You should want to be around her because you can just go let's just do that one more time.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, where there's this sense of just equilibrium and you're just at peace and you don't have to think about anything because you're just with her.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's a beautiful thing.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: I feel that way with my wife every time.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: When I get home, every time we just hold each other for at least 20 seconds.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard why the reason why I did that is because of these little, I don't know, not what they call it, the not endorphins, where they call it, I forget what their stupid things are called that react in your brain.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: But basically, when you hold each other for 20 seconds, it just creates a lot of it's not dopamine, it's I don't know what it's called.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just put it in the comments, whatever it is.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: But so, but anyway, there's just this sense of you know that she brings peace into your life to resolve conflict, to not want to dwell on it, to make things right, and to move on.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: And to realize that you're both gonna get upset at each other.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's gonna be times where you're gonna miscommunicate, you're not gonna say the right thing when you wish you did, and it's frustrating.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: But how does she react with that?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: The the contrast with that be is that she doesn't manipulate you with her emotions, she's aware of her emotions.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with women being emotional, it's a beautiful thing because it contrasts how men think more logically.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's that balance of times where men can overlook certain things that are emotional and women can overlook things that are sometimes logical.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't mean that one is stupid and the other one is smarter or whatever.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's how God has designed us.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's a difference between men and women, and this is the problem with the world, is because they keep on acting like there isn't, and we all know there is.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a beautiful thing that they are different.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: Stop trying to make women into men and stop trying to make men into women, but that she's aware of her emotions.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that she tries to hide her emotions or that she doesn't cry when something makes her sad or anything like that, but that she's aware that that's how she is.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's times where this is happening in my own marriage where my wife is very aware of her emotions.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I also am glad that she has them.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: But she doesn't use them in a way to manipulate me either to get what she wants or to try to rear the rudder, or as they say, the man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's just manipulation.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not really respecting your husband as a head, you're just trying to manipulate him to get you him to do what you don't want to do, and that's not honoring God.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't want a wife like that.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: But she doesn't also suppress her emotions because she's feminine, but she can discern between biblical emotion and I'm being unbiblically emotional.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's good emotions and there's bad emotions.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: And as we all know, there's times where there's good anger and there's bad anger.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's times for good sadness and sometimes there's manipulative sadness or wallowing in self-pity.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's does she have, is she always depressed?
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have high anxiety as a result of a lack of faith?
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge problem.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know this is a huge hot topic these days because we tend to always cater to the psychological ideas out there in psychology these days, and we throw the Bible out with it.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we just like, well, they're depressed because that's how they are.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they have anxiety because that's how they are.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, depression is a natural thing if you lose a loved one, or you might lose a job and you feel sad for a while, or you didn't get a promotion, or you were let down by someone, okay?
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: Those are natural things.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_00: You are not to wallow in it forever.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's a problem there.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: You have to, the joy of the Lord is our strength.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry, guys, if there is a lady in your life that you're interested in, but she has a lot of depression or she has high anxiety, that's gonna be a huge problem because you're gonna have to deal with that, especially if you don't have it and you can't handle that, you shouldn't marry this woman.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's gonna upset some people, but the thing is, you should never marry someone thinking you can handle it when you can't handle it in the dating sphere.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna be able to handle it when you're married either.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're dating someone that is always depressed or has high anxiety and you don't have that, and you feel that you start to become depressed or high anxiety because you're around them, that's gonna be really problematic.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that has to be addressed.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies, if you have depression, if you have high anxiety, you have to try to figure out how to lasso that and kill that dragon.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a friend, he was engaged and he had someone who had a lot of depression and it was really weighing on him because he really liked this lady and she had a lot of good qualities, but she was just depressed a lot and had a lot of high anxiety, and he did not know how to handle it.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I told him, I said, Well, it has been shown that those that are depressed, if they work out three to four times a week, that their depression usually decreases by about 60%.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I challenged him to do a few things.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Hey, bring it up to her and say, like, hey, if you want to have it where you um we go and let's go work out at the gym.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: And let's also, on those days we go to the gym, we'll go to a coffee shop and we'll read through some scripture that are encouraging to build you up in joy and confidence in God in your life.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she wouldn't follow his lead.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I told him, I said, Well, I'm sorry to say, dude, that that was her action, but this isn't gonna work.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: She's not following your lead.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people want to be depressed and they love their anxiety.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to say that because we don't want to touch that, because that's a no-no.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's because of their mental illness, Jamin, and you're being totally insensitive.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, look, I am not saying that people can't struggle with any sin like anything else, but depression is a sin.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety is a sin.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a part of who we are as Christians.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: We are to be joy and light.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean that Christians can't get depressed or anxiety at sometimes?
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we can, but we have to take every thought captive.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's times where I get low and down, and I have to remind myself wait, I'm not gonna allow Satan to take my joy.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna allow Satan to make me worry about the future because that is in God's hands, and I can trust in him with all my heart and with all my mind, and he will give me peace that passes all understanding.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: We have to either believe what scripture says or we're just doubting it.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that seems like just I don't know why this is an argument, but it seems like it is lately a lot that there are times where when we address depression and anxiety, it's like it's a free-for-all.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, you can just be that way forever how long you while and everyone's gonna struggle it forever.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't believe that.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: If that's the case, that's the idea of are we gonna do that with everything else that's a sin?
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're just gonna struggle with lust forever, you're gonna struggle with pride forever.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: Who cares?
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's I don't think that's good.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is she on depressive medication as well?
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes these meds, I'm sorry, I don't think they help a lot of the times.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes we go to medication first because we want to put our trust in man.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry, some of those medications and drugs, they're toxic, they're not always the best, depending on which ones they are out there.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know all of them, but some of them that I have known of, they're not the best in terms of health-wise.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say start with God's word, start with physical exercise, a good diet, and see what happens.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm wrong after 60 days, then find another method per se.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I think a lot of times we tend to too quickly just want to dismiss things as well, we gotta go for the meds.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we are just well, she's just like that.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's just how she is, or that's how he is, okay?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think it's not healthy.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think Christians are meant to be that way.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_00: We go on to number eight, all right.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're getting close, all right.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have a desire for family?
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is huge, okay.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: Children are a large part of her and your vision, okay?
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: Look for someone who gently wants to build and nurture a family, all right.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_00: And here's why I say that.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: Some might say it's isn't it about what do you want?
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't want kids, who cares?
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that a big deal?
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: As a Christian, I'd say no.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_00: I believe this.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve was to be fruitful and multiply.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say if you're dating someone and she's like, I don't want kids, I wouldn't marry her.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that's just a rebellious, selfish attitude.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think she's gonna be the same way when she gets married.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I know some people are gonna say like, that's not true.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know people that are married and they don't have kids and they love each other to death and they're great people, blah, blah, blah.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm implying though, here's what I'm saying: there's a difference between a couple that cannot have kids naturally, and I would say, from my perspective, I would say the best thing for that couple would be to foster or adopt kids.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's understandable too if you're wanting to have your own kids, but I would say that I think you should want a family.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_00: To raise kids and more Christian kids is what we need desperately right now.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_00: There is a deficit, and the Muslims are outbreeding us right now, folks.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we really need to get going because I'm telling you, we are falling behind.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think Christians need to have a lot of kids.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love the the best part of like going into church every morning.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many kids, so many kids they outnumber us probably five to one.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty much close to that.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of like how it was at our wedding, actually.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: There was at least almost more kids than there were adults.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved it.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: Kids are just amazing blessings.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's something like I think a lot of times there's a selfish mentality of not having kids, and the idea is like we can do whatever you want, and we can go wherever we want and do what we want, and we don't have to question anything, we don't have to think about others.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just it's selfish from my perspective.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's Christian, if you can biologically have kids that you should not have kids.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is not being obedient to God.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say, guys, if they're if you're dating someone and they don't want kids, especially if you want kids, that's gonna be a huge problem.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_00: But then I would also challenge it too.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you both don't want kids, I would say, why?
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's biblical.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you getting married if you're not gonna have kids?
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a totally different story.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: I know everyone's gonna be saying in the comments, like, well, what about people that can't have kids?
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I'm not talking about that.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_00: But she should have a desire to want a family, and that's a large part of her vision to look for someone who gently wants to build and nurture a family.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_00: The contrast, as I already mentioned, is obviously not wanting the fruit of children.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: Selfishness, God's first command.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_00: As I mentioned, it's there's something missing in terms of, and I would just ask the question why if you're dating someone, what's her reason?
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: What's her motivation?
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if she tells you because she's had some tests done and that she can't have kids, I can understand that.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or if it's not going to be safe for her to have kids or whatever.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I would say that a woman that is still wanting to have kids, even if they're not her own and wanting to adopt, I think that's huge.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a huge thing.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is a good, good major green flag that you want to pursue for sure.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing we have here on number nine is wisdom and good judgment.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs places tremendous value on a woman's wisdom.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_00: And especially how she handles money, relationships, household responsibilities, and difficult decisions.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_00: Money's huge, okay.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: How does she spend her money?
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you met her, does she have a lot of debt when you met her?
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_00: Does she spend her money recklessly?
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_00: Does she not keep to a budget?
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_00: Does she buy things that she can't afford?
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_00: Does she max out her credit cards?
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to marry someone like that because it's going to be very, very difficult, especially if you're building your own, put your last name and add incorporate on the end of that.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_00: How is that going to look?
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_00: How is it going to be when you have someone that's going to fight you when you're trying to keep a budget and she still spends money that you don't have?
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's going to be a huge problem.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another thing that you need to sit down and talk to each other about money, finances.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_00: How do you spend your money?
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_00: How much are we going to give to the church?
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_00: How much are we going to tithe?
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_00: Are we going to give to charities?
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_00: Are we going to give to missions?
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: Those are questions that you have to ask up front.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_00: And how she also treats her relationships, wisdom and good judgment.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have good company with her relationships?
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or are they bad influences?
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_00: As we talked about like earlier, would she listen to your advice if you saw someone that she was with as a friend and it wasn't the best person for her?
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_00: Will she respect you and understand that, yeah, you know, you're probably right.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_00: I probably shouldn't spend so much time with this person.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, there's household responsibilities.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: How does she be when you're dating someone, how does she keep her place, her apartment or her room?
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is it tidy?
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_00: Is it messy?
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I'd also advise don't go to her apartment alone, guys.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's just a stupid idea.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're with other people, are things tidy?
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: Are things in order?
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't keep things in order, you want at least someone that's going to keep things in order.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because otherwise, you're just going to have this like conflict of this like a really sloppy house.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: But then I guess two slobs, two pigs, love a pen together.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it might work out, I guess.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: But also difficult decisions.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: How does she handle difficult decisions?
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_00: Does she use wisdom when she's trying to pay off debt?
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe she isn't debt when you meet her, but she's trying to pay it off.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: How is she approaching that?
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is she putting the right motivation behind what is more important than things that she's wanting currently?
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_00: That she's thinking more down the road.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: Does she clip coupons?
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: Does she find the best deals or is she frugal?
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that she can't like nice things, but is she smart with her finances before you meet her?
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_00: Those are huge things to observe and watch because that's going to carry over into your marriage.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you got to ask yourself, are you able to handle that?
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_00: The other contrast as does she also not seek counsel?
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like when she has high debt, does she seek out people that are smart that have taken on their debt?
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_00: That figured out, is she impulsive on social media?
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: Does she kind of flaunt things that she does in terms of every trip?
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have to share it all the time?
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is it more of a bragging sense rather than really just sharing things so that her friends or family sees it?
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_00: Just kind of be observant of those things.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is she always seeking the attention from others?
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes like having good judgment as well is like understanding, okay, like what do you post online?
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_00: What do you not post online?
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have to post every little thing?
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone cares what you had for breakfast.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: They just don't.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_00: And most people that do, they're probably gluttons anyway.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it's probably not helping them out either.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_00: So probably just stop posting your breakfast pictures, everybody.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're making other people that are fat more tempted to eat food when they're not supposed to.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_00: And number 10, we finally got there.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_00: A heart that wants to grow.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a perfect woman.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's shocking, but you're not going to find her anyway.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_00: So stop trying to seek a unicorn, guys.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_00: You want someone who is teachable.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_00: She's repentant and she continually wants to become more like Christ.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_00: And teachable is important because, like in general, you want a spouse that's going to be teachable, uh, wife or husband.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is really what's going to carry you on as you change and as you grow, as the relationship continues on year after year after year.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to have to change and be adaptable.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: And teachable is a big component of that.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if she's not teachable, the the contrast to that is she's not teachable.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_00: She won't listen to your wisdom, and she's not interested in growing deeper as a believer or becoming a better wife.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or obviously you're not married yet, but that she's wanting to better herself into becoming the type of wife that you want and what you need.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 31:10 says, An excellent wife who can find she is far more precious than jewels.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the key, guys that are listening to this.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this is a lot to take in with all these 10 points.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it's daunting out there.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you're probably wondering how am I going to find someone like this?
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I can find someone that has two of these virtues, five, six, maybe seven.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like this I had to travel very far to find my wife, and it was a big investment.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I look at it this way, guys.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'd rather spend a lot of money to find the right wife than to just go on a cheap date to McDonald's because it's just cheaper to only find a crappy wife.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_00: You have to invest your time and think very hard about what you're looking for and what you want.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say if these 10 should be on your list from my perspective, they should be on your list.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I didn't put it in there as number as any other number, but I would say we'll put it in as a runner-up kind of thing.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be attracted to your spouse.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I think sometimes we tend to skip this over, like, oh well, beauty is fading, but a woman who feels the Lord will be praised.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that is very true.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_00: However, there's a lot in Song of Solomon where Solomon is obviously glowing and bragging about the beauty of his wife and how much he loves her and cherishes her.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you should be attracted to your future spouse.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_00: You should be attracted.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_00: You should be attracted enough that you want to have sex with him, okay?
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I say that because you should.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a natural thing.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to have sex for the rest of your life with this woman.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_00: You should be attracted to her, okay?
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not shallow, it's not, it's not wrong, it's how God has wired you.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_00: However, with all wisdom, a woman could be drop dead gorgeous and not have any of the qualities that I just went through.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_00: And no marriage is going to be able to survive beautiful looks without having these other godly characteristics.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's just one more thing that's probably makes it maybe harder.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that the idea from the verse in Proverbs is who can find?
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's a question.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: Who can find?
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_00: You have to seek.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_00: You have to seek out and try to find the wife that is going to be your helper and your cheerleader and encourage you and pray for you and be the mother of your children and to greet you when you come home and give you peace and comfort and build a home together that glorifies God.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a hard task, I know, out there.
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I know there's a lot of guys out there that are probably wondering, how am I going to find that?
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is, you gotta think big.
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_00: You might have to cast a bigger net.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_00: You might have to have it where your dating app goes as far as the world.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_00: And not just in your state.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe start out the entire US.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not easy the idea of, oh, I gotta fly and I gotta go find this person, I gotta fly to another country.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you this, guys: it is better to sleep in a bed alone than to sleep next to someone that doesn't respect you.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's the hard truth.
• 1:05:13
  SPEAKER_00: And a good marriage can be heaven on earth, but a bad marriage can be hell on earth.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't take credit for that quote.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, but I think that hopefully, with with all these things said, because I know there's a lot of red pill stuff going out there, and there is I'm not going to deny the fact that it's very difficult out there, guys, because I've been there.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you're all going through, and you're probably thinking, How on earth am I going to find a good wife?
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the question is, you obviously got to be active, you got to think outside the box.
• 1:05:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you have to go to another state, if you have to go outside the country, do it.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is far better to put the investment in now than to put in a little bit of investment and then have a terrible marriage.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_00: It really is.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes it's very easy to just want to do the easy thing, but I would advise you not to.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_00: I would advise you because I care about you, whoever's listening here, men or women, because I know it's daunting out there to try to find someone that is going to fit the mold these Jays.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the church is difficult as well.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: The church is no exception.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_00: We got tons of secular crap and feminism that has crept in the church that has made it very difficult for a lot of guys to find good, godly women.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes a lot of people they point to certain women and they say, like, oh, what's wrong with her?
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_00: She's great.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a lot of women think they're Proverbs 31 women and they're not.
• 1:06:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so, ladies, if you're listening, I'm not saying that that's you, but I hope that this has been maybe an eye-opener for you as well.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is the type of woman that you want to be, that a guy is gonna look for and pursue these 10 elements.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are, awesome.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I pray that whoever's listening to this, if it's man or woman, that you will find a great godly spouse.
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously, this is for the men in terms of 10 things that you want in a wife and 10 things that you don't.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_00: But overall, I thank you guys so much for chiming in.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember, don't give up.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_00: Have hope, continue to pray and be active.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_00: And remember this when someone says God's gonna bring in myself, yeah, God can bring your spouse, but it's gonna be the FedEx lady you're gonna marry.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you gotta get out there, you gotta actually be engaged.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you have to go to the ends of the earth to find your love of the life, I say you do it.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be a coward, keep fighting the enemy, and don't ever back down.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening in.