Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Why You Can't Get Past That One Fight | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep479

Transcript

Why You Can't Get Past That One Fight | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep479 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Can't save your marriage from this one thing.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: The impact that impacts trust.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Carrying the load, manipulation, boundaries, and covert contracts.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: The emergency poop story, the erectile dysfunction.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Can't save your marriage from this one thing.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Motor Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first I want to give you a little bit of a story.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I was on the phone with a couple on the weekend who um I mean they've they've been only together for four years, okay?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: But until the three-year marks, like a year from the prior from the call date, okay, everything was perfect.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it didn't matter what I talked about.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: We were talking about intimacy, they had two babies.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: They had mentioned that there was those stresses.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: There was a father loss, a brother loss.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're talking like big grief.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing could get between them.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I they I couldn't get them anything from them.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: This three years was amazing.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then they have this one day, and I'm not gonna give you all the fucking details they give me.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had to say to her, um, you know, when you want a pizza, you know how you you need the certain ingredients you want?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they were like, Yeah.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, you're giving me everything you don't fucking want from the grocery store.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't like the thing is, guys, you will never just to highlight off trap, off topic for just a second, you'll never get anywhere with your situation.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, that's why AI won't work for either.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, last episode, but like, because you talk too much, nobody cares.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even care.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, life was so perfect, and then this day, all the details from the grocery store that didn't need to go on a pizza, the ingredients, was like they just blew up.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: They just she felt completely disrespected, he felt completely disrespected, and now they have X reason why they're calling is because or wanting to get on call is because they relate to our extreme high and extreme low back then.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but nowhere near the abuse.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's what they say.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, but now it's come to a point where the the toxicity in the aggression and anger, especially from him, like because they had one bad day, and I think what you maybe forgot to say is it's been bad ever since that one day.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Ever since three years of good, and then one bad day and a year and a half of bad, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, three systems.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Three years of perfect, apparently.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then one thing happens, and then all of a sudden, a year and a half of bad every single day, highs and lows.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: What in the world?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is what you have to understand is oh, by the way, it's so it's gotten so bad, like when he feels like he's not being respected, he'll say things like, I'll cut off your head and shit down your throat.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my god.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean it's not fucking bad?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean it's not abuse?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously, and like so, anyways, I got- I think that's like you never said anything like that.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was I can't believe she's still married to him, actually.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys are listening, you're lucky that she's married to you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Holy Well, they might not stay married.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think they're gonna join the program.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: At least they didn't get back to me after messenger again.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Stay married to somebody that says that.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they are both treating each other like shit.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing like, the let me explain how this works, guys.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Three I'm gonna believe that it's three years of perfect.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, but let's just go with their story, okay?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We have years of trauma prior, and they saved each other.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably why they believe it was perfect, okay?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So they saved each other.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And um, for example, he felt like he could do anything with her.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like she accepted everything about him, okay?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the moment that she he felt like she was disrespecting him, this is the story doesn't matter, she he basically he he lost all faith.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, I can't believe this one person, this one person that I love so much, that loves me so much, could hurt me that way.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And when I said that to him, he's like, Yeah, that's wow, yeah, that's it.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like light bulb after light bulb after light bulb as we go through.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you guys to understand it.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: No matter what, when you start, when the thing happens, that's basically what happens because they could do no wrong, unless you were, you know, settling for some things or willing to compromise very early on some things.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's kind of a normal thing, but basically they could do no wrong for three years.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: For right, this is all of you, everybody, whenever you meet, you like you're on the edge of your seat, nobody takes things personal, everything's great, whatever.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: But because you don't have the tools, and essentially he relied on her to feel good because she was his savior.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, she felt a lot of the same.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, then what do we have?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: They've been let down, and now the reason why they can't go forward is because it's always back to the pain.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when you have those things you can't take back, like you can't take back those things, neither can she.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: You start to really start like feel something wrong about your partner, and their pedestal is now no longer under them.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the problem in a cycle with highs and lows, like Catherine and I had, like these this couple has, especially when it's extreme highs and lows.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: You you carry yourself so far with the highs, but you destroy everything with the lows without the tools to repair.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, I mean, like this guy was getting defensive on the phone in a very nice way.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you guys don't realize that's still defensive if you're explaining yourself every single time.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but like I'm explaining all these things, I'm explaining about how he doesn't know who he is, and like he's proving it throughout the conversation, but she's also learning, and she's like, Well, I don't know who I am.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm a I'm a business owner, and but I'm a stay-at-home mom.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And like, so here's what I'm getting at where I'm going with this is this is clear that they're so lost, okay.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Their romantic uh love story completely diminished now, and now unwilling, at least at this point, at this stage, they haven't joined our program.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: They want to keep learning.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, learning how.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you've learned a lot from our podcast, could you imagine if your circle got bigger?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: We'll call that the circle of knowledge.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: It got bigger on YouTube, I'm making a little circle and then opening my hands up.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and by the way, their circle has caused them to reflect and not get anywhere.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm bringing this up because the one thing that started it all for you is the thing you can't get over.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It really is.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens is more things stack.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And they have all these other episodes.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: They know exactly when it started, they know exactly why they're here, or do they?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, what we've learned is how to move past all that, to uncover what's deeper, to stop fighting over symptoms.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you how stupid their fucking fight is.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because they literally disagree.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted to keep driving, she was another vehicle, pulled over for the kids, and he felt disrespected.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: She's defending herself still to this day about needing to pull over with the with the little ones.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's super hot out, blah blah blah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't ask if there was air conditioning in the car.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he's dependent defending himself.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Who fucking cares?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Who cares?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But now everything from that moment has become a truer statement of pain, except for they can't even let go of that one.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, this is the problem.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until you break that cycle, you'll have that one thing.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: The one thing will turn to two.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: They thought it was the one thing.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's a pretty painful thing when he gets angry every time.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: How many of you actually we're coming up to talk about that anyways when we're talking about sex in a few episodes here?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll save it for them, but just know this, or for them, but just know this.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: When you let all of those things get to you, it's really about how you feel about yourself.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: If like I I literally was like, you guys want the exact same thing.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And in every time they're hurting, they're hurting over the exact same thing in an exact same way, different version of hurting each other.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how stupid is that?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you want the same things, then remember your partner's probably not trying to hurt you, but they probably feel hurt.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: They probably don't understand.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe maybe move forward.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, see you guys.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think wait, I just think it's so cute.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: You guys can't see because Cass's hands are below the camera, but he talks with them.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's like, it's but they can't see most of it.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: So you're just there.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's all.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.