Latest / The Stand with Meg Show / You Do Not Have to Wait for Rock Bottom with Mike Loverde

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You Do Not Have to Wait for Rock Bottom with Mike Loverde · The Stand with Meg Show

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Nobody asked that.
0:00
SPEAKER_01: I had a mom, her son was painting graffiti in and out of mental institutions.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: I said, What is he painting?
0:06
SPEAKER_01: She goes, Nobody's ever asked that.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, how has nobody ever asked that?
0:10
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's a key piece of evidence.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: No doctors, no doctors like, oh, he's bipolar, he's this, he's that.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Just write him a script and have him come back in 90 days.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: What is he writing on the walls?
0:19
SPEAKER_01: Nobody ever asked her that.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: It's my first thought.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: We got to get back to caring about people.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: I 100% agree.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Stand with Meg show.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you something.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: What if you don't have to wait for your loved one to hit rock bottom?
0:46
SPEAKER_00: This is a show where we rip the mask off the same system that wants to destroy our families.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: We defend parents' rights.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: We protect children.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: And with a voice for the voiceless, I'm your host, Meg, investigative and journalist exposing what's really happening with our families.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: My guest today is Michael Laverdi, owner and a clinical director of the Family First Intervention.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: He holds a Master of Science in Addiction Studies and Counseling and is a certified intervention professional.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: For 21 years, he's helped families and their loved ones with substance abuse and mental disorders.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: He teaches families that they do not have to wait for their loved one to want help.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: His book, Safe, S-A-F-E, a Self A Wellness Family Education, comes out October 29th.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: Mike, so excited to have you to the show.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the show.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the show.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you're here.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: We are with an amazing person.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: And I would love for you just to kind of tell me who you are, what you do, and what's your mission in life.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: How about that?
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Mike Laverdi, Family First Intervention.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm the owner and clinical director.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: And jumping to the mission, um, my goal is to help families and people with substance use and mental disorder rewrite their family of origin story, right?
1:59
SPEAKER_01: So that they can get well and not pass it on to the next generation.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Because I do believe, as do many other professionals, that addiction and mental health is largely in part anyway, uh generational family of origin dysfunction.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: So we want to help rewrite your story.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: So what kind of got you into this?
2:17
SPEAKER_00: Any personal story?
2:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, our family uh had an issue with addiction uh in 2005.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: I originally have uh went and worked in finance.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: I have a degree in finance.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: And uh yeah, I worked for Ameritech, you know, big phone company in the Chicago area, and then I worked on site at Arthur Anderson, one of the big five accounting firms, uh, working in their telecom in the finance department.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: And I changed my entire career because of an incident in our family.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: And it took my family 10 years to pull the trigger on an intervention that took literally three minutes for the person to accept help.
2:52
SPEAKER_01: And what it yeah, and what it did for my family and for them is just it, I it's I'll never forget it.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: And I went back to school, got my master's of science in addiction studies and counseling, worked for an intervention company for a little while, and then started Family First.
3:06
SPEAKER_01: I incorporated an 09 in Illinois, and uh, and here we are.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: That is awesome! Wow, cool.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, just a little bit about uh my I have eight siblings, and um my older sister has a different dad, and she's the only one that has struggled with addiction and has gone to prison and you know, she's better now when she's 45, but it really this also showed me that it's either a generational curse or genetic, too, because none of the other ones have that problem but her.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, the genetic thing's interesting, they're still trying to find that gene.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, I do believe the proven theory is the generational family of origin dysfunction model.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: That's the one that I work off of.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: But also at the end of the day, whether it's a disease or not, or genetic or not, you do have a choice as to whether or not you want to maintain a victim mentality or a survivor mentality and do something about it.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: Because people in addiction, they weaponize their trauma and they hurt people who they love the most because they think those are the very people that cause the pain.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: And it's almost it really is the driving force of addiction and in mental health.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, as long as we can hurt people and be victims, then we can justify our actions.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, it's like Bill Wilson said in Alcoholics Anonymous, or they say in AA, it's like people drinking poison waiting for the other person to die.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: So explain, you keep saying this big long word.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: What is it?
4:39
SPEAKER_00: What is how you your counseling, or what do you believe this is?
4:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, we what did you say?
4:44
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I want you to really explain that so people really understand how you guys do it.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: We address the environment that's the number one predictor of outcomes.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think the the most challenging thing that I hear from families is that they have to want it.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: They already want it, that's why they're using substances and acting out behaviorally, they're crying for help.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: It's whether or not they have to do it.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: And I go with the science of what I was taught in school that most therapists don't.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: It's it's it's just insanity when I look at what I was taught, and then I hear other professionals say the opposite of what they were, what they learned.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: And that is if the consequences of the environment are less than the perceived benefits, whether real or perceived, then the person doesn't move through the stages of change.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: You have to see that the consequences to your actions are greater than what you're getting from the drug use and the lifestyle.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: That's why you have it's not about whether or not you want it, it's about whether or not you have to do something about it.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: So you're you're when you say that other people in your field don't follow what you learn, is it because they learned things from you know, long time ago where they were taught maybe differently and they're not keeping up with their education?
5:56
SPEAKER_00: Or what why would they do that?
6:00
SPEAKER_01: It's just like, why does it say that whenever substance use disorder is present, the clinician or healthcare provider must always assume that the behavior is as a result of drug use until proven otherwise, and they're diagnosing people with mental illness two minutes into detox and giving them a bunch of psych meds.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: I have to believe it has to do with money.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: Um, I really do.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, I have to believe that it has to do with keeping people sick.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: I have to believe it has to do with you know political beliefs.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm not getting into any of that, but it's it's it's just they bring in their own belief system rather than the science.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: And I think we live in a world right now where we're afraid to offend anybody.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, now everybody's a victim.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: And you know, the old way of treating alcohol and drug addiction was to hold you accountable and to move you into survivor mode, and today we're afraid to say anything and offend somebody.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what's screwing us up.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: So, what is the first step that you do?
6:54
SPEAKER_00: Let's say um a mom comes to you and says her child has a problem, you know, drinking too much or has an addiction.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: What do you do in that?
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's your step protocol?
7:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, right before I got on this, I was on the phone with a family and I had to wrap it up.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna tell you exactly what happened because it happens like this on every call.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: I have a son, he's in his 30s, he's an alcoholic, he's been to treatment four times.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: The first where my brain goes is why?
7:22
SPEAKER_01: Why?
7:23
SPEAKER_01: Where does he live?
7:24
SPEAKER_01: He lives with us.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: Is he working?
7:27
SPEAKER_01: No.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: Has he been to rehab?
7:29
SPEAKER_01: Yes, three times.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Where does he go when he's discharged?
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, he comes here.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: I'm painting the picture of the why he's not why he doesn't want help.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Because if I'm an alcoholic and I'm this guy, I'm not going either.
7:41
unknown: Right.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: So then you have your house, you have everything to provide it for.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: Well, mate, what would make you, right?
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: So I immediately look at what is gonna prevent this intervention from happening and why is this situation this way?
7:55
SPEAKER_01: Most people just focus on, oh, tell me more about him.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: I go for the number one predictors of the environment.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the environment.
8:03
SPEAKER_01: Tell me more about that.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: And I start looking at the why.
8:08
SPEAKER_01: Why does he not have to do these things?
8:11
SPEAKER_01: And I find it very quickly on every call.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: And then I'll ask about other family members.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: He's got an older brother, okay.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Now I'm dealing with a hero role, you know, and it's like, are you enabling?
8:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes, we enable.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Is he married?
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Okay, then I'm dealing with a martyr, you know, like and I because I know family systems theory.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: So I'm looking at all of the reasons why this thing's a mess.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's the environment and the dysfunctional family roles that have formed as a result, coupled with enabling in victimhood.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: And I attack that.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: How do you attack that?
8:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you say to them?
8:41
SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, a lot of parents would be like, Whoa, you're, you know, they can be very offended by that.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I attack it, I don't attack them.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: I just start asking questions.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: So, like, my 11-year-old twins can tell you what a heroin addict's gonna do when you give them 50 bucks.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: It's a no-brainer, right?
8:56
SPEAKER_01: My question is, what are you getting out of the enabling?
8:59
SPEAKER_01: Because behavior is not defined by the behavior itself, it's defined by whether or not you receive a reward from it.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: If I rob banks and I don't get caught, that is a negative behavior, which leads to what's called a positive consequence until I get caught.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: Now the consequences are greater than the benefits, and I stop.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: So I'll just ask them, you know, do you think like I I asked this mom, do you think if I had somebody who wanted to get well right now, they were on their knees begging me for sobriety.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: If I refer them to your home, would they get better?
9:32
SPEAKER_01: No, why would no, and absolutely not?
9:34
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, sit with that, sit with that.
9:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, then they start asking me the questions, and I have to help them understand that we all enable our kids.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: You're not and they're not wrong, it's not their fault, it's an instinctive parental reaction.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: So you don't guilt or shame them, but I ask them, what are you getting out of the enabling?
9:54
SPEAKER_01: And it's because there's a role of being needed, there serves a purpose.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: The delusional manipulations that the alcoholics put on, like they start to call, he's never gonna go.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: No, I know that, not under these conditions.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: And then I bring up, like, well, where can he go after rehab?
10:10
SPEAKER_01: I says, a sober house, a dad.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: Oh, those places, I I've heard about those places.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: There's drugs there.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: It's like there's drugs everywhere.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
10:19
SPEAKER_01: It's like they make more excuses.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: There's even drugs in jail.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: A hundred percent.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I mean, they make more excuses for their loved one than their loved one makes when we get there.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: So tell me about a time where it was your hardest person to bring in, most you know, defiant and want to.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: A meth addict in California.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: That's one I did personally.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: Um he was it was unbl he was it was unbearable.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know how I pulled this off in California, but this was back in 07.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: And I went to the courthouse and I went and got an immediate order of protection because of his abuse on mom.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: And this he was a big man, he was 6'4, you know, 250 pounds.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: And uh I went in there and he wouldn't unlock the door.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: And uh I broke the door in, and I took the paper, and I did the paper.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: I did.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: I I I I asked the mom if it was okay.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: She says, please.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: And I I shouldered the door in, and he was just sitting there on the on the bed hitting his pipe, and I took the papers and I threw them at him.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: I says, Pack your shit.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: Excuse my language.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: And then uh he came up and he slammed the door and he was in there for about 15 minutes and he came out and he just it was bad.
11:53
SPEAKER_01: And uh I ended up driving him to treatment and uh had an incredible ride with him for three hours and he apologized.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: Wow, how cool! What a roaring job that is.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and he hugged me too when I when I left and he was crying, so yeah.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: Oh, did he get through and everything?
12:10
SPEAKER_00: And do you stay there six months?
12:12
SPEAKER_01: No, I did.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he stayed there six months.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: I stopped following him after that, and he did go to a sober house, and uh yeah, it was just yeah, I'll never forget that.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: I got kind of getting like flut fluttered talking about that one.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean it it hits home when you have to pretty much come in and rescue a child like that, even an adult child, because they're still a child, but they're adults.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, and you're trying to do what's best for them and their family, and for you to walk in like that, that's an emotional thing that you have to just say, okay, let's do it, let's go.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: You're going to treatment today, man.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's awesome.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: I bet that mother was just so in awe of you.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: That's so cool.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: You she couldn't believe it.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: I bet not.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I mean, because you don't look like that big, but he, I mean, I just can't believe you just open the door and you're like, let's go.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, and and and you know, it's interesting too, because when I'm on the phone with a family, I have to be nice, and they come up with tons of excuses, and I can't turn it into a sales pitch.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: But I'm thinking, how do you want me to be when I get there?
13:14
SPEAKER_01: You want me to just roll over with their excuses and walk out the door and take your money?
13:19
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
13:20
SPEAKER_01: And it's just interesting because when I'm on the phone doing the consultation, I'm intervening on the family, but God forbid I challenge them and then I'm a salesman.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: But when I get there, they expect nothing less.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: And uh, and we do do that.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: So it's it's a delicate balance between dealing with the family dysfunction on the front end and then gloves off when you get there.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: And I've had some interventions where you walk in and they read they hear the first letter and they're like, they'll go.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: And the family, like, why didn't you read the rest of the letter?
13:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, just pack them up.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: And they said yes, like I'll go over the letters with them when we get there.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
13:50
SPEAKER_01: So right, right.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: So I've had some amazing success stories.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: But at one time I had a gun pulled on me in Houston.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, another meth addict.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Meth at meth interventions are not my favorite, but anyway, there's just we've done 6,000 as an organization, so the stories never end.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: But uh for the most part, they go real smooth.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: They really do.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: I mean, most people are waiting for it, you know.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: They they want to be rescued, and they don't want to be rescued by the people in that room because they're they they think they're the reason for the for the way that they are, and they listen to us, you know, they do because we carry depth and weight in our conversation, and we're not the source of their trauma or pain or their dysfunctional belief system, and we connect with them.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just need 10 minutes and the person to have a smoke.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Right, you know, yep, you can build that trust.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: It's funny.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: I used to be a photographer, and same thing when I had shooks off random, but when I would the kids wouldn't listen to the mom, right?
14:44
SPEAKER_00: Even a teenager girl would be like, no, mom, I would don't want to do this, or even a boy, a teenage boy, and I'd be like, Hey, let me talk to him.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: And when I go and suggest something for him to wear, her to wear, or how to act, they're like, Okay, you know, it's just totally different.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: 100%.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Same thing.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's crazy.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: The same thing when they're adults.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: Quick favor before we go any further, if you made it this far, I know you're already in this.
15:05
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15:12
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15:17
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15:23
SPEAKER_00: Also, don't forget to go to standmate.com and fill out the failing courts rights survey if you've been affected with courts in America.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to Mike.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: So, what is the age group that you focus on?
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Or do you have like a the youngest can be this and the oldest can be this?
15:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, we don't do adolescents, um, so it's 18 and up.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, the meaty part of the curve is really about 30 to 40 year old addicts and alcoholics.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, we do get some, you know, calls from mom in their 70s, you know, we get those all the time.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: Um but yeah, I'd say 30 to 40 is pretty much the meaty part of the curve on on who calls for help.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: I mean, who they're calling about.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay, because why do you think it's like the most most is 30 or 40?
16:06
SPEAKER_00: Is it because you think they finally are just done?
16:08
SPEAKER_00: They think maybe it was 20 phase, or is it something they grew into, or as they always had it?
16:15
SPEAKER_01: Families are unwell and they think it's gonna get better, and they just keep believing the patient that they're gonna one day snap out of it, and that's not true.
16:22
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Great advice.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: If you're an addict or an alcoholic, you can't just stop on willpower.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm not talking about the heavy frat guy who comes home from college that can turn it off.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about if you are a true addict or alcoholic, you know, families think you know, a job will save them, the next special somebody will save them, you know, the DUI will knock some sense into them, and they just and the longer they stay in that rut, the harder it is to get out of it.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Have on your experience, does any of this come from childhood, like being, you know, essayed, sexually assaulted as a child?
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Um you guys deal with that during the process?
17:03
SPEAKER_01: No, we're our j well, it has come out, of course.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I didn't mean to interrupt you, but yes, I mean every patient has some form of trauma in their past, sexual, mental, physical abuse, and other things like that.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: And that's another reason why families don't want us there, because families are sick with they're sick with secrets.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: You know, you gotta remember families who don't help their loved one.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: There's there's a I know this is a horrible choice of words, but there's a benefit to it.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: What is the family getting in exchange for the person staying sick?
17:41
SPEAKER_00: That's a great point.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: What is the most you've seen?
17:46
SPEAKER_00: Like the praise or yeah, molestation.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: A molestation, yeah.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: They can keep doing it because the child drugged.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or just like the childhood trauma.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: Like the biggest one is the person was molested when they were apt by an uncle.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: They told their mom and their dad and they did nothing about it.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: Or a woman was sexually assaulted and raped, and she did you know, she brought it to her family, they did nothing about it.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: It's always infliction of pain on the people who love them the most for whatever reason.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, so do you believe, in your opinion, that if we caught this earlier when they were actually in their teens, would it maybe help them not go into the severe addictions?
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, like any other medical illness, I think the earlier you catch it, the better it is.
18:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I follow Dr.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: Gabor Mate, and he's a world-renowned addictionologist out of Vancouver, Canada, and he believes in the socioculture model as I do.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, wherever it came from, there is a way out, and you're not a victim and it's not a disease.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: But once you have that kind of trauma, it really comes down to the way that you look at it, and it's the way that you treat it.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, you've got mothers who lose their loved ones to a DUI, you know, whose child is killed in a drunk driving accident and they go into a dark hole.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: You got another group of women that starts mothers against drunk driving.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: It's about moving from victimhood to survivorhood.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: And even in therapy, it's about I can't change the fact that you were molested, but I can hopefully help you get better, and maybe you can help other people who were and realize that your attacker was probably molested too and it wasn't personal.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was, but at the end of the day, you have two choices.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: You either weaponize that experience and you throw yourself into a dark hole, or you do the best you can to persevere out of it.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: Now, not anybody watching this, I'm not saying that's easy, but I'm saying those are your choices.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: Right.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: You can, you know, we all have pain in our lives.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: We all will get hit with something unbearable.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's to me, I've always said it's it's how you how you go through it with it, because you can either create tons of weeds or you can create tons of flowers and growth and trees, right?
20:06
SPEAKER_00: And through that, everyone will have something and that's their story.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: I don't have that as my story, but I have my own that I've had to say, okay, nope, I'm not gonna go put my head in a hole and go down a bad area.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to fight and make it better and help people.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: I will say helping people really helps even me.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh, have you found that with your patients when they help others?
20:25
SPEAKER_01: The reason Alcoholics Anonymous is the number one treatment.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it it outperformed cognitive behavioral therapy and motivational enhancement therapy and studies is for that reason, right there.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: It is about the fact that you help somebody else.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: I mean, there is no better relief to addiction and mental health than to help others.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's why we're on earth, right?
20:48
SPEAKER_01: To help other people.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: And when we do that selfish, unselfishly, I'm not talking about donating money and then showing everybody that you had the money.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: Right, look what I did.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: I helped.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Right.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: You made it.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: What I should, yeah.
21:00
SPEAKER_01: I mean, an unselfish, altruistic, you know, wanting to help somebody else without any, you know, anything in return.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, that is the best therapy for addiction and mental health.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's finish up that because I do want to tell you a little bit about what my my audience, about 280,000, would like to hear from like questions that they would ask.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, because of my I have a very specific audience.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I want you to talk real quick about your book that's coming out in two days.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Tell me about that and how is it different than any other book and what made you decide to do it?
21:41
SPEAKER_01: It's more of a textbook.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it really helps families learn and understand what their loved one is up against, how they got to where they are, and how they get out of it, and why they do the things that they do.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: And if I can say this really quick, one of the parts of the book.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: It's called the horse and water example.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: And may I share that?
22:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, please, yeah.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: So this was back in 07, and this is before my education.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: I pulled this out of thin air.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: I was on the phone with his dad, and he was just fighting me on everything that I said.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: And he said, You know, Mr.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: Laverdi, you could lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: And I said, That is so untrue.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: I said, the guy that wrote that is a thin thinker inside the box.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: And he and he he said, Well, how?
22:31
SPEAKER_01: And I said, and I just pulled this out of nowhere and I put it in the book, and it's a registered patented thing.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: I said, All you need is a fence that's tall enough that the horse can't jump over, strong enough in which the horse can't run through, and you leave it a drinking trough.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: And at some point its survival instincts will kick in and it will drink.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: You may not be able to force its head down, but you need two things.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: You need patience and you need boundaries.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: And you're damn right I can make a horse drink.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: And they booked the intervention.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: And that's really the theme of the book.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: It's how do I get unstuck from this?
23:08
SPEAKER_01: And what am I doing that's you know putting gas on the fire?
23:11
SPEAKER_01: And the biggest piece is is you got families got to change their communication with their loved one.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: But they also got to reduce their reactivity because remember, it all circles back to you're taking the bait, they're hurting you, and your reactivity is confirming that what they're doing is working.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: So if you want to learn how to unstick yourself from this situation, this would be the book for you.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: What's the book called?
23:35
SPEAKER_01: It's called Safe, Safe Aware Self-Awareness Family Education.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: It's the intervention model that I designed and we put into practice.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: So when when parents do this, when kids go in, do you provide help to the family members that are enabling them?
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Because they have to change too.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: That is the sole purpose of our curriculum.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: We spend 90% of our time with the family and 10% with the patient.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then we do the ongoing aftercare support for the families because, like, you're not gonna get well in treatment in one day, and families aren't gonna get one well in one day.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: So we offer an aftercare curriculum for families to stay engaged.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: And then we, you know, as long as there's a release of information, we can also help families, you know, not react to the phone call of you got to get me out of here, there's drugs here.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: I mean, just last week, not last week, last month, I had a call from a mom.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: She says, Mike, my daughter just called and said she needs$200.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: She's at the nail salon with the clients and she's got to pay the bill.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: I said, Okay, let me, let me, let me check on that.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: So I call up the treatment center.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: They were at the nail salon, but they didn't need$200.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: And then they found out that her and another client were trying to leave.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: So it's things like that we get in front of.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: But see, the difference between that mom and other moms is she didn't react.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: She called us because she paid for that, and that's part of her ongoing support that she'll get for as long as she needs.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: And we prevented that AMA right there.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: She was about the Venmo 200 bucks.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: So I had a sister that went through this.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: She never got to go to rehab, but she did get to go to prison, and I think it cleared her up.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, but what do you do with siblings?
25:13
SPEAKER_00: So I I still love my sister.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: She made a mistake, right?
25:16
SPEAKER_00: Um but and I don't judge her for it.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: And she works really hard to be normal and do well and not be addicted to anything.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: And she's been clean for years.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: But my other siblings, I have a lot of them that won't even be around her.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: Like they just nope.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Like they always will relabel her as somebody that had a drug problem.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: Do you help people like that?
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Or what do you say to those type of siblings or parents that are just kind of like you will always be that to me?
25:45
SPEAKER_01: I can't expedite their their healing.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: I can only work with them to see why they still have up that wall.
25:54
SPEAKER_01: Because again, that behavior, there's a reward to keeping that people out.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's something in their childhood in which they've been hurt too many times and they're not ready to be hurt again.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, so many people live in an ejection seat.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: They get in relationships, they don't want to be married, and it's just like, oh, I just want to be married.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, you don't want to be let down.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, there's always a reason behind the behavior.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: So I look at the behaviors, tell me why you're not willing to let them back in.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not here to tell you to do that, but I want to know why.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: And there and the reason, see, every anytime we're disturbed, there's something wrong with us.
26:28
unknown: Right.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: And I want to get to the bottom of that and hopefully they give that person a chance one day.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think they should, but I can't tell them to do that.
26:41
SPEAKER_01: But there's a reason why they're doing it, and it has it doesn't have everything to do with your sister, it has something to do with them, and they need to explore that.
26:49
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's one thing that really taught me because one year we had Christmas and I invited her to come and she'd been clean for a while, and and um, and they all wouldn't come to the Christmas because she was gonna be there.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I they they had they could they had that choice and they didn't come, but I stole at my sister because she's my sister and she paid for her price and she, you know, got out of jail.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: And you know, um, and I don't think people realize I remember I was at court with some family court stuff, and I saw a person go in front of a judge and the mom was in the stand, and this person comes out with chains and stuff, and it brought tears to my eyes thinking of my sister in that position.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: And and thankfully my she could we wouldn't be able to afford help for her, and so her help was jail, which um and and maybe she probably didn't get completely healed because there's not much they don't offer that in jail, which I think is ridiculous, but um, which needs to happen.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: But to see that see to know that that like my mom has sat there and saw that your child with the chains and everything.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: And do you ever talk to parents like look, that's where they could be?
27:50
SPEAKER_00: Do you want to really see them like this or do you want to see them like this?
27:54
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't work um as much as you think it would, because they don't think it's gonna happen to them.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: Wow, wow.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I remember I was called back to Chicago in 2023, and I was gonna be a witness for the defense, and it was a man who um who killed somebody.
28:18
SPEAKER_01: He nodded off on heroin, and it was an accident, obviously, but he did do that.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: And I remember you know being there, and I don't even know why you triggered this memory, but I I love addicts and alcoholics.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: I do.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: That's who I try to help.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: But I remember I was in the bathroom and I was washing my hands, and there was this man in there, and he knows work boots, big rugged guy, and I just said, How are you?
28:42
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, There's no good days anymore since that SOB in there killed my kid.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: And I'm in the bathroom, and I'm and I'm I'm here, you know, to give my expert you know testimony on addiction on the for the defense side.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: I didn't really know what what did that guy know who you were?
28:58
SPEAKER_00: Because you probably got given it.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: I told him and I said, and I told him who I was, and he just he hugged me and we hugged, and we were two guys hugging in the man's bathroom, and uh I got choked up.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: And uh I remember I went up there and when the prosecutor asked me, he said, Do you think it was this guy's fault?
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Is this a disease?
29:19
SPEAKER_01: And I said, No, he had a choice that day.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: I just had to say it because when I saw that family and the kid was a University of Illinois graduate, you know, worked for an aerospace company, he was 25 years old, and his life was taken because he was going to Napa Auto Parts to go buy a$3 fan belt for a Jeep.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: Him and his dad were rebuilding in their barn.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: And I just, you know, it's like, but that family didn't think that that was gonna happen.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
29:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, you just don't think it's gonna happen.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: And I just I'll never forget that day.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: It was probably one of the most emotional experiences of my life because it was just like that guy did have a choice that day.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: I I'm sorry, I don't want to hear that he didn't.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: Do you believe, and that's kind of I believe, in my opinion, that you know, if I if some one person, like let's say that I do heroin, right?
30:10
SPEAKER_00: And someone else says heroin, I've never ever wanted to hurt somebody in my life, kill somebody, do anything, but maybe someone else does.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is that drug can open up that part of their brain to where they're vulnerable and they want to.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: That's my that's kind of what I've thought.
30:25
SPEAKER_01: Well, you're not wrong.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, what I meant by they have a choice is you have a choice to get well or you have a choice to stay sick.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not here to say that I'm not here to say that that's easy, right?
30:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't want anybody on anybody watching this to say this guy's crazy, it's not a choice.
30:39
SPEAKER_01: I I get what they would be saying, but you either stay sick or you don't.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: And again, it comes back to the environment, and you have to have to do something.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: But I just think about that day, just how those two people lined up.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the guy had been to rehab before, you know, he had the same enabling family setup that everybody else has, and it's like he was able to do that day because the consequences in his life were less than his benefits until that moment.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
31:08
SPEAKER_01: Then he went to the Illinois Department of Corrections for five years.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: That's it, he only got five years.
31:14
SPEAKER_01: I mean, given the circumstances, I mean, he didn't the judge, you know, obviously he didn't wake up that day thinking I'm gonna go kill somebody.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: It was it was an accident.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: It was an accident, it was an accident.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: So that is a tra and nobody win, nobody wins.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: Nobody won that day.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: My saddest is when there's little kids involved, like you know, all of a sudden they lose both parents or you know, because of it.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: Don't get me started from the other side because when a family calls me and there's little kids involved, you want to talk about generational family of origin dysfunction.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: You may if you can't do this for yourself or you can't do this for them, you got to do it for those kids because the longer those kids live and grow up in that environment, the more high the more likely they are to grow up and follow in the same footsteps as their parents.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: And I call it 0.5 parenting.
31:59
SPEAKER_01: Dad's an alcoholic and mom's stressed out, she doesn't have the ability to give all of her love and attention to the one child.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: As much as in the heart as she tries, and I don't mean to say the man's the drunk and the woman's, sometimes it's the other way, right?
32:11
SPEAKER_00: It can be, yeah, it could be the ordes.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: And it's like those kids are growing up, they got half a parent holding the fort down, and they got the other half of the, they got the all their full parent checked out.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, don't get on the phone with me and make excuses why as to why this won't work.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: If you do nothing, save those kids and get them out of that environment.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: But they love their children.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: I didn't say they didn't, but they love their drugs and their alcohol more.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: So that kind of brings us to what I do, what our platform is.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: So our platform has over, you know, a great amount of built in two years because of what something happened to me.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: But we have a survey out there, it's called Family Rights Survey, and over 6,000 families have filled it out.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: And it's really just opening and exposing what's happening in family court nowadays in CPS.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: And what we are finding, there's over been like almost five, no, almost 600 families just in California filled it out.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: And it's affected about 12,000 children.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: And so, and it's actually gone into Australia now and in Canada.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: So everyone now has their own report within the courts within their state to show what's going on.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: With that said, I have a lot of data that nobody has tried to get of why are parents in family court for 10 years or what got you in, you know, stats from why is it that 98% of parents that are going through divorce are now involved with CPS as well, and only you know, 5%, 3% is just CPS.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: And so I've been digging.
33:36
SPEAKER_00: And the one thing is either a parent will say the other parent has an addiction problem, or majority of it, there's been SA involved.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: And when a parent now, when a parent, man or woman, when they report it, then all of a sudden they get backlashed by the court system and they take the child away from the good parent and give them to the abuser.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of why I got into this.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: Um happened to my daughter.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: And um there, and I might have a true story with it.
34:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't talk much about my on that story of it because she's now just turned 18 and I don't want to tell her story for her.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: But this whole I lost all five of my children on January 29th, 2024.
34:17
SPEAKER_00: Haven't had them, no trial, nothing gone.
34:20
SPEAKER_00: Their dad's a millionaire, they live a mile away.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: But um they are now having to play the part to stay with the wealthy father that this up to their daughter his kids when they're little um to survive.
34:35
SPEAKER_00: And I've found this all everywhere.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: And then when my daughter, you know, was 14 and started telling the police and people, not me, that this happened to her when she was a little girl, she started cutting, drug addiction, you name it.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: She went through hell.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I couldn't get help for her.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: There was no one I could get no one could get help.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: And then so that's where I kind of I feel like it's gonna get even bigger epidemically wise, because we now have, you know, it used to be where parents covered it up and didn't say anything.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: But now when they do report it, the DA doesn't go after them.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: Trust me, the tons of those.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean every state.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: And it all starts with somebody, a doctor can even just report it that this child has problems.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden the state comes in and takes that child away from the good parent.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: And I know why they're doing it, but have you seen any situations like family court and anything like that, um, come in saying, you know, this happened because of trauma from family court or anything like that yet?
35:37
SPEAKER_01: We know I have not because we don't get that involved with the courts.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: However, we will use as mandated reporters if we intervene and there's children involved and the person doesn't accept help, we will file a DCFS report on them for what's going on.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, have I heard of the parents molesting the kids?
35:58
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: I hear it more times than I want to.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and I do believe that, like I said earlier, I mean, sometimes I think the court systems and the way things are today favor the ones that shouldn't.
36:11
SPEAKER_01: And I see that a lot too.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I mean, I remember when I first started doing this, you'd call the police and they'd be like, Yeah, pack your stuff and get out of here.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: They come there now, and if there's nothing they can do, their hands are tied.
36:23
SPEAKER_01: And it's just things have changed drastically.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: But uh, yeah, I've seen it.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they talk about it, but that's something that I don't get involved in.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: But I've heard some stories like yours way too many times that I shouldn't have.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think that's kind of what I have people reach out to me saying, I want to report it, but now I'm scared I'll lose my children.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: And um, and then there's no one really talking about it besides now we're getting louder, right?
36:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, but it shouldn't be that way.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: And um, I found I'm finding that the reason this is happening is because when they take children away from the good parent, a it creates a messed up generation, right?
37:02
SPEAKER_00: The children are gonna have trauma, more trauma.
37:04
SPEAKER_00: But secondly, that parent, man or woman, won't stop fighting.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: They'll spend, they'll go bankrupt, they'll do anything they want.
37:11
SPEAKER_00: I mean, spend that millions and millions of dollars just to see their children.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like they've realized, ooh, it's a little good moneymaker from my pockets.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: Um and I think that is um where people need to educate themselves on that, and then also your book, because there's gonna be a lot of children now with problems, and people need to get ready to know on how to handle it because I can't imagine the guilt.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, some parents are getting reunited now finally after their kids were taken for years when they're adults now, and that guilt of probably then how much easier it is for that parent to enable that child as an adult to let them do whatever they want because they have that guilt of what happened to them.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where yeah bingo.
37:54
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's important that people so there I had another I had an author on here a week or two ago, and she makes children's books, but they're from like 10 to 14, they're so cool.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: But she teaches kids on how in in a really cool way um to stand outside of the crowd and to stand up for you know, you and she and then she also teaches you about how there can be pain in your life and how to flip it around.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: She's seeing so many children go through, you know, COVID and all that.
38:21
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I bet you're seeing a lot of COVID people starting to come up, right?
38:25
SPEAKER_01: Unbelievable.
38:27
SPEAKER_01: Unbelievable.
38:28
SPEAKER_01: Our our mental health cases have tripled, if not quadruple.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: I bet I bet I had five kids and they were all home for eight months and I homeschooled five.
38:36
SPEAKER_00: My daughter wasn't allowed to go back to school for a year and a half and she was stuck in front of a computer.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that didn't help start.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that was just I couldn't believe it.
38:42
SPEAKER_00: And now she's 18, so I know there's kids above her that are probably really struggling right now.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: I bet they're even younger now, right?
38:48
SPEAKER_01: Because Yeah.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: It it was kind of COVID, obviously, was bad, but the lockdowns killed us more.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: The ripple effect of the lockdowns, it's just starting.
38:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's I agree.
39:00
SPEAKER_01: Everybody was locked in their house on social media, and you know, I don't have so I mean the business says social media, I do not have any social media.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: I refuse to have social media, I don't use any of it because I can't do that.
39:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't even watch the news.
39:13
SPEAKER_01: People they're like, hey, did you hear about this?
39:14
SPEAKER_01: I didn't.
39:15
SPEAKER_01: Right.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: I can't.
39:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can't get sucked into that polar vortex of where we're headed, and that's why I'm not on social media.
39:22
SPEAKER_01: Like, people like, oh, do you see all the people that said something about your post on Facebook?
39:25
SPEAKER_01: It's like, I didn't and I don't want to.
39:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't care.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: They're they're they're they're cell phone gangsters and keyboard warriors.
39:30
SPEAKER_01: Let them let them say it to my face.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: They won't do that.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: They're gonna do it 2,000 miles away from their from their from their iPad.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: They're just tough guys from afar.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't get involved.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: Well, and it's funny, I didn't have social media.
39:42
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I had social media because I was a photographer, but I had a private just for my personal friends and family.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: But um, I never had social media until this all happened.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm realizing there's a huge problem with it and mental illness too.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: Because I would love it if more people like you would really start focusing on the younger generation, you know, from like 12 on, because that's just it's severe what's happening to them, and there's not really a place for them and no one helps them.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: And then you get stuck into the court order, you know, you have your court ordered for court therapist, but that therapist isn't specialized in SA or what's what to do when somebody starts cutting their arms and legs up, right?
40:16
SPEAKER_00: And so, anyway, that's my whole soapbox.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: What is one thing that you could tell the uh my audience that they could do besides writing the book?
40:26
SPEAKER_00: Because I think parents need to prep.
40:27
SPEAKER_00: All parents, I think, should prep for just in case if you have a child that grows up to be an adult, right?
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Because if you wait till it's in you're in the motion, you're almost like it's almost like you can't think you know, think clearly because you're so upset about your child having this drug problem problem or addiction, and you don't know how to focus on it without that stress.
40:48
SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
40:49
SPEAKER_01: Yes, very much.
40:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, when you were talking, when you were talking, you made me think it's not the crime, it's the cover-up.
40:56
SPEAKER_01: And when we talked about enabling, it's like, what's the cover-up?
40:59
SPEAKER_01: What's the secret?
41:00
SPEAKER_01: You know, how do you help families?
41:02
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think the biggest thing is that we have to stop believing that they have to want it.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: We they already want it, they're screaming for it.
41:09
SPEAKER_01: That's why they're using and acting out, that's why they're doing self-mutilation.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: You know, I I know that when you study self-mutilation, and I have it that does not say that you are uh a victim of sexual abuse, but I've never met somebody who cut that wasn't.
41:26
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I just I think about that, and it's like just these diagnoses of mental illness and prescriptions right out of the gate rather than addressing the trauma.
41:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, we have to start looking at that too.
41:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I could walk into a doctor, into a family doctor right now, and if I lay enough things on his or her plate, I could probably walk out with something.
41:46
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm sure I can convince somebody to give me Adderall because I'm racing that day.
41:51
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, where is the trauma coming from that's creating the presenting symptoms of?
41:57
SPEAKER_01: Like I get the DSM labels in there, but what's causing it?
42:02
SPEAKER_01: What's causing it?
42:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'll share with you.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: I remember when I was a kid and I was walking home from the bus every day, and I was walking over cracks in the sidewalk, and I was talking to myself, and the kids would make fun of me, and it got back to the school nurse.
42:17
SPEAKER_01: And long story short, I ended up in therapy, and nobody ever asked me why I was walking over cracks in the sidewalk.
42:26
SPEAKER_01: No doctors, no therapists, no psychiatrists.
42:28
SPEAKER_01: They never asked me.
42:29
SPEAKER_01: No, of course, I was only what 10 years old, so I didn't think to tell them, but nobody asked me.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: It was you're mentally ill, you're this, they're that.
42:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, you want to know why I did that?
42:38
SPEAKER_01: Because it was the only way I can get my mind off of when I got home if my dad was going to use the buckle end of the leather end of the belt to beat the hell out of me.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
42:47
SPEAKER_01: But nobody wanted to ask that.
42:49
SPEAKER_01: It was just label, label, label.
42:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's like nobody asked that.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: I had a mom, she her son was painting graffiti in and out of mental institutions.
43:00
SPEAKER_01: I said, What is he painting?
43:02
SPEAKER_01: She goes, Nobody's ever asked that.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, How has nobody ever asked that?
43:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's a key piece of evidence.
43:10
SPEAKER_01: No doctors, no, it's like, oh, he's bipolar, he's this, he's that.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: Just write him a script and have him come back in 90 days.
43:17
SPEAKER_01: What is he writing on the walls?
43:19
SPEAKER_01: Nobody ever asked her that.
43:22
SPEAKER_01: It's my first thought.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: We got to get back to caring about people.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: I hundred percent agree.
43:28
SPEAKER_00: And I think being raised in such a large family, my younger siblings had a different mom and dad.
43:35
SPEAKER_00: I had, you know, I was one of the oldest, the third oldest.
43:37
SPEAKER_00: And so I had a mom stay home and a dad work, and we only had one car, and I had a very involved mother.
43:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then as I became a teenager, my mom then had nine children with teen, like five teen, four teenagers, right?
43:49
SPEAKER_00: And then little kids.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: And so we always the younger siblings of mine had a way harder life.
43:54
SPEAKER_00: My parents started fighting, um, just my mom worked, my dad worked.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: She homeschooled.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: It was just anyway.
44:01
SPEAKER_00: So I've seen the difference between how I handle stress and do things versus how they are.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: You know, I never had anything happen to me as a child.
44:08
SPEAKER_00: I had a really good upbringing.
44:10
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't until I was a teenager that things happened.
44:12
SPEAKER_00: But, you know, when people realize that there's actually something really there's a reason listening, like you said, walking on the track or on the um said railroad tracks, walking on the uh concrete.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: Kravisness, what's it called?
44:28
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
44:29
SPEAKER_00: The cracks in the sidewalk.
44:31
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
44:33
SPEAKER_00: A thousand birds aren't the cracks in the sidewalk.
44:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, it's funny because when I was younger, I was babysitting a lot, and I could literally walk in and see a three to eight-year-old, and all of a sudden can just instantly know something was off.
44:47
SPEAKER_00: And I talked to the mom and the dad, and they're like, Oh, you know, and it's if really people just sat and looked in, you know, my daughter was scribbling out my heart, my her dad's pick picture, like his whole face, like blurted out, and I found her finding it in her room, and no one cared.
45:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh, do you I also see then then when they are messed up, they just pump all these drugs in them.
45:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, every month they gave my daughter a new medication, a unicorn.
45:13
SPEAKER_00: And to me, that just even made her win more.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
45:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, do you ever see that movie Molly's game?
45:19
SPEAKER_01: No, I haven't.
45:20
SPEAKER_01: I'll watch that.
45:21
SPEAKER_01: It's with Kevin Costner.
45:22
SPEAKER_01: It's it's it's based on a true story.
45:24
SPEAKER_01: I won't tell you anything about it.
45:26
SPEAKER_01: But there's a scene where the night before she's supposed to get sentenced, and Kevin Costner is a psychotherapist, and he's sitting on a bench in New York City and Central Park, and he says, Molly, I'm gonna do something for you that we they've been people have been wanting therapists to do for the last hundred years.
45:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna give you the answers.
45:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna sum up three years of therapy with three questions, and that's that's us.
45:48
SPEAKER_01: That's us.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not I'm not beating around the bush.
45:51
SPEAKER_01: Like, I ask the questions, I immediately look, and I'm not better than anybody.
45:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm just this is because of what you're saying and is bringing this out.
45:58
SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
45:59
SPEAKER_01: I we got to get away from like, you know, like they have a problem, and it's just immediately a mental illness.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: It has to be a chemical imbalance, and it has to be a label in the DSM.
46:13
SPEAKER_01: You know, we got to get people out of the line at the pharmacy and into the therapy chair.
46:17
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
46:18
SPEAKER_01: There's not a lot of money in that.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: The money is in the medicine.
46:21
SPEAKER_01: Go watch the Chris Rock stand-up if you've ever seen it.
46:25
SPEAKER_01: You know, and I'm not an anti-mental illness, I'm just here to tell you that I have never had a call for a meth addict where the family didn't start off with he's manic and schizophrenic.
46:34
SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, he's presenting those symptoms.
46:37
SPEAKER_01: You know, the alcoholic is depressed.
46:39
SPEAKER_01: Well, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant.
46:41
SPEAKER_01: And alcohol and drugs, they destroy your thyroid, they mess with your hormones, they mess with your diet, they mess with your gut health.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: And you go to a psychiatrist and yeah, you're this, this, that, and then take these.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: Here's more drugs to mess up your gut health.
46:54
SPEAKER_01: Here's more drugs.
46:55
SPEAKER_01: Let's let's surge your serotonin, let's surge your dopamine, and that'll make you feel better for a while.
47:01
SPEAKER_01: But you're it's like an opioid, right?
47:03
SPEAKER_01: If I have a broken ankle and I take a hydrocodone, I don't have a broken ankle for four hours.
47:08
SPEAKER_01: But when I take the SSRI, I don't have a problem for a while.
47:11
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't fix the problem.
47:14
SPEAKER_01: That's why they do the opioids and physical therapy, but psychiatry just does the medicine, it doesn't do the mental therapy, and that's the issue that I have.
47:26
SPEAKER_00: And I completely 100% agree.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where I hope more people like you come up and you know step forward and really addressing this problem that we have.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it it like you said, it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: And they want it, they want us to because they make more money doing it.
47:42
SPEAKER_00: All of them on all platforms, doctors to court actors.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: Where can everyone follow you?
47:47
SPEAKER_01: Or uh yeah, not you, you're yeah, you, but not you, but you on our website, family hyphen, little dash intervention.com, there's links to Instagram, Facebook, our YouTube channel, and of course TikTok.
48:03
SPEAKER_01: Uh, they could follow us on there and they can go on our website.
48:06
SPEAKER_01: I have tons and tons and tons of videos on all the platforms, little snippets every day.
48:11
SPEAKER_01: I do webinars twice a month where I have a huge audience and I and I do and I do topics and people attend, and then there's a QA at the end.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, I'm not reinventing a wheel, I'm just going back to the days when things worked better.
48:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
48:27
SPEAKER_01: You know, before the disease model, before the DSM got bigger than a New York City phone book.
48:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, just kind of putting people first, and you'll see that in the social media feeds and on the website, you know.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: And I've I've never um, you know, molded myself to roll with the new way of the masses go.
48:47
SPEAKER_01: I've just always stayed true to the mission, and I think you're the same way where it's I call BS when there's BS.
48:53
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, you know, if you're mentally ill, you're mentally ill, but I want to I want to see why you have the trauma, see if that helps first.
49:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:01
SPEAKER_00: I I guess I'd never really understood what um essay was for children to go through.
49:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was talking to one of my girlfriends, and we were talking about what you know, she's married and I wasn't, but I was talking about when I was with in a relationship, how I like to be woken up at night, you know.
49:15
SPEAKER_00: And she goes, Oh, if someone touches me in the middle of the night, I'll punch them in the face.
49:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, why?
49:19
SPEAKER_00: And because when she was a little girl, her uncle or dad would sneak in while she slept and touched her.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: And I just would never, I would never have known that it can still trigger a woman, you know, an adult.
49:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's and and that's where parents, if you guys they don't know it, they don't understand it.
49:37
SPEAKER_00: So start educating yourself and learning on that because you need to know how to handle your child and realize that if they have an addiction, there's something really there.
49:46
SPEAKER_00: And to get the right person, not just a pop and pull pills.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: So sorry.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: Can I share a quick story with you?
49:53
SPEAKER_01: It's fast.
49:54
SPEAKER_00: Please, no, you're fine.
49:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:56
SPEAKER_01: So we were at Stepping Stones Recovery Center in Joliet, state-funded Illinois Department of Correction discharges, DCFS.
50:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm not plugging anybody here.
50:06
SPEAKER_01: This is this is their clientele.
50:08
SPEAKER_01: And we went in there to go talk to the clients.
50:11
SPEAKER_01: And one of the men that was with me, this man, Bill, he's sober 44 years, he was doing a fourth-step presentation from the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
50:21
SPEAKER_01: And he's going through, and in the fourth, in the fourth step, you write in this column who you're angry at, who you're resentful at, perhaps somebody that molested you.
50:30
SPEAKER_01: And then you check all these boxes of how it's affected you.
50:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, in the right-hand column, we're supposed to write what we did to put ourselves in that position to be hurt.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: And then you check all these other boxes.
50:43
SPEAKER_01: And I'm getting angry at this guy thinking, all these guys are DCFS Illinois Park Corrections inmates.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: And he said something I will never forget.
50:53
SPEAKER_01: He just out of nowhere says, and for all of you in here that were sexually abused, emotionally abused, or mentally abused as children, you have nothing to put in that column because you did nothing wrong.
51:04
SPEAKER_01: And you won't check any of these boxes except for the last box, and it said inconsideration, and you're being inconsiderate to yourself because you're in here because you're weaponizing that experience because you're mad at the world.
51:18
SPEAKER_01: And if you can continue on that path, you're gonna die.
51:21
SPEAKER_01: And that's why you're using drugs and alcohol.
51:23
SPEAKER_01: You did nothing wrong.
51:24
SPEAKER_01: Forget this part where it says you have to find your part in it, because a lot of times you can in a resentment, but for those people, and I'll never forget looking every single one, every single one they started writing, and you just knew that every one of them would had gone through that experience.
51:41
SPEAKER_02: But I think that's yeah, go ahead.
51:43
SPEAKER_01: But the way, yeah, no, no, go ahead.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: The way that he presents, I got chills.
51:48
SPEAKER_01: You're inconsiderate to yourself, and that's been the what I've been pushing my whole life.
51:53
SPEAKER_01: It's just you're weaponizing your pain, you're hurting and using and acting out at people because you want them to know what you're going through, and you're pushing people away to see if they'll actually come and fight for you.
52:10
SPEAKER_01: That is the core of this entire thing.
52:14
SPEAKER_01: And every time you stick that needle in your arm, you're you're you're trying to hurt somebody else.
52:20
SPEAKER_01: When you're acting out at mom and dad, you're punishing them for something you think they did or they may have done.
52:26
SPEAKER_01: And then mom and dad cover it up with enabling, as you said so brilliantly, with guilt and shame.
52:32
SPEAKER_01: Every reason, every behavior has a reason, and we look for a reward system to that behavior, and sometimes it's just straight up maladaptive thinking.
52:43
SPEAKER_01: And that is what they didn't teach us this in grad school.
52:47
SPEAKER_01: Therapists don't understand it.
52:50
SPEAKER_01: It's just we got that is where this is coming from.
52:53
SPEAKER_01: It is generational family of origin dysfunction and a trauma response to something, and you're weaponizing that, be a survivor or a victim.
53:02
SPEAKER_01: And if you choose the victim route, you're not gonna have a happy life.
53:06
SPEAKER_00: Well, and I completely agree.
53:08
SPEAKER_00: I had this one little girl once that um one time a teenager boy, she was five, he was 16, just touched her once down there and put in a room with tons of people.
53:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, she was brave, she got up, she ran to her mom told.
53:21
SPEAKER_00: She never saw that male boy again.
53:23
SPEAKER_00: But then, um, and that boy finally got reported.
53:26
SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
53:26
SPEAKER_00: It happened to him when he was a kid, right?
53:28
SPEAKER_00: Because they kept just sweeping it under the rug.
53:30
SPEAKER_00: And so I was really proud that this his parents to finally he got in trouble and he got counseling and he got probation.
53:37
SPEAKER_00: And you know, he was only 16 at the time.
53:39
SPEAKER_00: And um, but then that little girl, people are like doctors and you know, therapists, more or less therapists, were putting her in this box and she got great, she got SA'd.
53:51
SPEAKER_00: And I remember her coming to me and she would get triggered.
53:54
SPEAKER_00: You could tell she would see a boy that kind of looked like that boy, and she'd come talk to me and get triggered.
53:59
SPEAKER_00: And I said, You did everything right.
54:03
SPEAKER_00: You stood up for yourself, you went to your mom, you told you did everything right.
54:08
SPEAKER_00: You're a hero, you're not a victim.
54:11
SPEAKER_00: You stopped him.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: And that's where I would just get frustrated was with anything in life.
54:16
SPEAKER_00: You can take the victim victimization and get more attention, or you can stand up and say no.
54:22
SPEAKER_00: I am a fighter, I am a hero for stepping up and saying no and reporting it, and then and then giving that, giving your voice that would help encourage others to not feel like the victim and of shame, shame, shame, shame.
54:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, that's my dear sense.
54:37
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of like what you're saying.
54:39
SPEAKER_01: You're 100% right.
54:41
SPEAKER_01: And then her trauma could be not even the fact that the boy touched her, but the fact that nobody believed her or wanted to do something about it.
54:48
SPEAKER_01: You know, you know, like it could go that way too, but good for her.
54:52
SPEAKER_01: You should never be touched by anybody.
54:54
SPEAKER_01: But right, yeah, it's just human beings, you know.
54:58
SPEAKER_01: We we trauma hurts us, you know what I mean?
55:01
SPEAKER_01: Like we're we're smart people, but I don't know, things hurt us, you know.
55:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we all have a story, don't we?
55:09
SPEAKER_01: We all have something we went through, we're all running from something, and I think that's why like you and I are on here.
55:15
SPEAKER_01: It's just you just give back, you try to help people, it works, it really does.
55:19
SPEAKER_00: And uh and I think that's kind of what I tell hope to parents, because even my children, I know.
55:24
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I we had a wonderful weekend and I dropped them up to school and never saw them again.
55:28
SPEAKER_00: And um, and that's where it hurts, and I've been through a lot of pain.
55:32
SPEAKER_00: But my children have a story and I can't change it.
55:35
SPEAKER_00: I tried, right?
55:36
SPEAKER_00: But what I can do is help other children and may and my my dream one day is to have a camp where kids that have been taken away from their parents or had problems like that go and help each other.
55:46
SPEAKER_00: You know, an older 15, 18-year-old can help a 10-year-old that got ripped from their mom or dad and hadn't seen them in five years or was told horrible lies.
55:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, but because they just need to know that they can help each other, and when we help each other, it it creates us to get stronger and to help people instead of going down the alcohol, drug, or medicate medication.
56:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, everyone's gonna have something.
56:07
SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, like you, you're helping people, and that makes you stronger.
56:11
SPEAKER_00: You're a better father, better person, better, you know, you are more compassionate because the pain that you went through.
56:17
SPEAKER_00: Um and you understand.
56:19
SPEAKER_00: So I applaud you very much.
56:21
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for everything you do in the book, guys.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: You need to go check it out.
56:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, I would love to get the book.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: I've been trying to collect books up here of everybody I've talked to so I can show it more and read it more and help because anytime I'm I have people on here that I support, um, it's because I want more and more people like you to be acknowledged and to be blasted online everywhere because we need more people like you um and less of everything else.
56:47
SPEAKER_01: So I agree.
56:49
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for that.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: I hope you do get the book.
56:51
SPEAKER_01: It comes out.
56:51
SPEAKER_01: You said two days, yeah.
56:52
SPEAKER_01: I think the 29th.
56:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 29th.
56:54
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
56:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm excited.
56:56
SPEAKER_00: So all my email your people say, Hey, can you send me a copy, please?
56:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, thank you again for coming.
57:01
SPEAKER_00: I'll do the exit after you get off so you don't have to worry about me jacking up.
57:06
SPEAKER_00: But um, again, oh, tell everyone your websites that they can go to.
57:11
SPEAKER_00: It's family.
57:12
SPEAKER_01: Family dash, there's a little hyphen, familyintervention.com, family dash intervention.com, and you can check out all the videos and the content in the social media.
57:20
SPEAKER_00: And people can like join your webinars and watch you speak too.
57:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
57:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
57:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:27
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
57:27
SPEAKER_01: They could just go on there and sign up for the webinars and they'll get the notifications when they're coming.
57:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh, next Wednesday is the first one of November, I think, or I'd have to check, but yeah, just sign up, you get the notification, you just join.
57:38
SPEAKER_01: It's anonymous, it's not showing anybody's name or face.
57:40
SPEAKER_01: And at the end, there's a QA, and you just send it in and I answer them live.
57:44
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
57:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, so one thing I like to do at the end of all my guests is what is one thing that you are proud of in your life, and is what is one thing you regret or you wish you could have done differently.
57:58
SPEAKER_01: The one thing I'm proud of, I don't know if I being a dad, you know, I I guess I didn't want children, and then I was blessed with twin daughters.
58:06
SPEAKER_01: God has a sense of humor.
58:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, I just love being a dad.
58:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I like spending time with my family.
58:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, that the one thing I guess I would have regretted is if I didn't do that.
58:16
SPEAKER_01: But my biggest regret probably I beat myself up a lot when I can't help a family.
58:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, when it's just when you know you can and it's just all right there.
58:32
SPEAKER_01: You hang up and you think you're inadequate.
58:35
SPEAKER_01: You think, you know, there's been times where I've wanted to give up, wanted to sell the company, you know, just stop fighting.
58:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, the biggest regret I have is that I I know this may sound corny and cliche, but is that I I couldn't help more people.
58:48
SPEAKER_01: I just couldn't get the message across.
58:50
SPEAKER_01: And uh people have died.
58:52
SPEAKER_01: And that's uh that's uh yeah, it's just I don't know, it sucks.
58:59
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a great feature you have though, because it it's kind of, and I hate to always bring this back to my stuff, but when I was a photographer, I never thought I was the best photographer.
59:08
SPEAKER_00: I always learned and said I can get better, and every year I wanted to learn to get better and better and better.
59:13
SPEAKER_00: So that way you have that as a good act, it's a good thing because then you can constantly like what can I learn from this situation to grow better and be better?
59:21
SPEAKER_00: Because if you didn't have that part of you, then you wouldn't ever want to learn to be better and to have that heart of yours, um, to grow into changing the way you might address one child versus the other.
59:32
SPEAKER_00: You know, we have to have that constant judgment of ourselves, I guess, to keep learning and growing.
59:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, it's my opinion.
59:41
SPEAKER_01: No, I agree.
59:43
SPEAKER_00: So that's why you're so amazing.
59:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you.
59:46
SPEAKER_01: You know, you stumped me with those questions.
59:48
SPEAKER_01: I I I'm gonna think about those later.
59:50
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I'll email it.
59:51
SPEAKER_00: I always like to do that.
59:52
SPEAKER_00: I think it's important sometimes to do that because then you can kind of see what's really right there.
59:57
SPEAKER_00: You don't you don't have time to think on it, you know.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, actually, and I gotta plug this.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_01: The the best thing I think I ever did for my kids is some people may not like this, but at six years old, I put them in MMA in Krav Maga.
1:00:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, good for you, yeah.
1:00:13
SPEAKER_01: Jiu Jitsu and kickboxing, and they're 11 now.
1:00:15
SPEAKER_01: And uh yeah, I don't think a man, if they stay with it, is gonna ever be able to do that to them or raise their hands to them.
1:00:22
SPEAKER_01: So I I like protecting my girls and uh I've I've they're learning how to protect themselves.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_01: So maybe one day you'll see them on the UFC.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_01: But I that's probably what that's one of the things that I I I do love that I did for them.
1:00:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, because uh I want them to be safe, I want them to be okay, I want to protect them from trauma, I want to protect them from the things that I know happen to children at an early age.
1:00:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, that's another reason why I do this too.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, they just have a completely different life than my wife and I have or had.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_01: And uh I just know those things that happen, you know, and so far, so good.
1:00:57
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean there's gonna be bullying, there's gonna be all that stuff, but you know, you just I don't know.
1:01:02
SPEAKER_01: I just uh I'm just grateful for the life that I have had, you know, and and what I've learned and what uh I don't know.
1:01:10
SPEAKER_01: I've just I'm blessed, I'm just lucky.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm just I just I wouldn't if I have one regret, it was I wish I would have gotten into this earlier and not went into finance because that's boring.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:01:21
SPEAKER_00: Now you're opposite of me.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_00: I had I was only married six years, I had five kids in five years, three kids in one year.
1:01:26
SPEAKER_00: So by the time I was 30, I was pregnant with twins.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_00: My ex left for another woman, and I was a single mom of a five-year-old, three-year-old, one-year-old, and newborn twins.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh, and that is one reason I'm still single 13 years later, because I didn't ever want to bring in sh my kids are so little that all they've known is single mom, right?
1:01:45
SPEAKER_00: My oldest was five, and she's the only one that remembers dad in bed one time, but my kids never saw a man on my bed.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, I only dated every other weekend when I didn't have them.
1:01:53
SPEAKER_00: Um I had 80% for 10 years, but I didn't want to bring in another person in case of that.
1:01:59
SPEAKER_00: Of my, you know, and what if I have a husband that does stuff in bed and I didn't want to risk it.
1:02:04
SPEAKER_00: And so I always knew I wasn't gonna date until they're teenagers, at least they're adults, to be able to, you know, stop anyone from doing anything to them.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_00: Um and then, you know, but and it was awesome because I could do whatever the heck I wanted.
1:02:16
SPEAKER_00: If it was nine o'clock on a summer night and the kids were all going crazy and it was time for bed, but they're all like wired.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, all right, let's go around the circle and the bicycle and have a bicycle ride, right?
1:02:24
SPEAKER_00: And we we could do whatever we wanted.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_00: I put cardboard boxes all the way down the stairs and they slid down to slide.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_00: That was there for weeks because I had it was just me.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_00: Um but I think I chose though my kids.
1:02:35
SPEAKER_00: I did I I'm fine being alone, right?
1:02:37
SPEAKER_00: I knew one day I'll meet somebody and I still will, still single, which is fine.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_00: But I think that's another thing is parents need to put their children first.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_00: They do.
1:02:46
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's different if you're married, but you know, like your situation.
1:02:50
SPEAKER_00: You're married, you have kids.
1:02:51
SPEAKER_00: But when you're in a situation like ours and our people, I say don't you don't need a date.
1:02:55
SPEAKER_00: You can be single, raise your children until they're old enough to protect themselves.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_01: As long as you're happy.
1:03:01
unknown: Yeah.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, they had a mom that when they would sleepovers, I would be playing with them, all of them, playing games, doing like crazy fun games with all the kids, because I didn't have a person to hang out with.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_00: I hung out with them.
1:03:11
SPEAKER_00: We watched movies every night, and well, we always did on the weekends during school, but um, but yeah, so that's why I have chickens now because I don't have any kids.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, I went back to Chicago just last weekend and my sister has chickens.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you something.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_01: You have eggs from a fresh chicken out in the backyard, you you don't want to buy store eggs again.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I know, I'm screwed.
1:03:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I wish you looked closer.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_00: I have so many eggs now.
1:03:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my gosh, I get like 10 a day and I keep giving out to my neighbors.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you don't have to keep them in the refrigerator.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_01: That's something else I learned.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_01: That's in it.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you don't, as long as they're not cleaned.
1:03:45
SPEAKER_00: So, all right.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for coming.
1:03:47
SPEAKER_00: And everyone needs to go check out his book and his information.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_00: And when I get his book, I'm gonna look into it and make some um shorts and reels about it because I think it's so important what he is doing, and um, every family needs to be prepared just in case.
1:04:01
SPEAKER_00: I need to, just in case.
1:04:02
SPEAKER_00: So, all right.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much, Mike.
1:04:04
SPEAKER_00: We will talk to you later.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much.
1:04:07
SPEAKER_01: Have a great day.
1:04:08
SPEAKER_00: If someone in your family is struggling, remember what Mike told us.
1:04:11
SPEAKER_00: You do not have to wait to hit rock bottom.
1:04:14
SPEAKER_00: They really need our help and they want it.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_00: As long as the fear of facing the problem is bigger than the fear of staying in it, nothing changes.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself what Mike asked, why are you letting your loved one continue to ruin and run your own life?
1:04:27
SPEAKER_00: And why do you feel hopeless and helpless?
1:04:29
SPEAKER_00: Please start at the family-intervention.com, or you can also reach out to Mike on all the platforms on social media.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_00: If this conversation has moved you, please follow and share this to someone that might need to hear it.
1:04:41
SPEAKER_00: Because here we defend parents' rights, we protect children, and we're the voice for the voiceless.
1:04:46
SPEAKER_00: All right, stay with Meg.