Latest / Privycast / Ep. 72 One Smart Fella, He Smelt Farts

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Ep. 72 One Smart Fella, He Smelt Farts · Privycast

0:00
>> Speaker A: But there's more opportunities to bomb your
0:03
family with a blast of human processed bean
0:06
air when you're just nominal things that are
0:09
a little higher in fats and
0:12
get more of the tummy juices flowing.
0:18
Welcome back to privy.
0:21
Privy is a podcast about
0:23
bathrooms recorded
0:26
from my home bathroom. I'm your
0:29
host, hunter Hoover, and I love
0:31
bathrooms. Well, welcome to the show.
0:35
I'm glad you're here. Uh, I had a
0:37
moment this morning, um, actually, just minutes before
0:40
the record, uh, where I had
0:43
the thought to myself, you know,
0:46
this is what I get for eating all that corn
0:49
and the amount of beets that I ate.
0:53
Glad m you're here. This week,
0:56
we are looking at.
0:59
We're taking another look at
1:01
the backdoor air chute,
1:04
the rear wind
1:06
escape,
1:09
the thunder from perhaps down
1:12
under. We're going to be talking about
1:15
farts. Now, if you hear that and you go, well,
1:18
that seems a little crass, like you're coming out pretty
1:21
quick on farts here. I did
1:23
open with a comment about the amount of corn and
1:27
beets that I ate. We're just going to let it sit. But,
1:29
yeah, uh, uh,
1:32
we're talking about farts this week.
1:36
This is episode like, I don't know,
1:39
75 or something.
1:42
72. I don't know, it's
1:45
70 something.
1:50
If talking about farts is this much of a
1:52
barrier, I'm
1:55
sorry. Also, I want to
1:58
note, and I want to share, um, and give
2:01
some explanation a ways back. Uh, listeners of
2:04
the show, they might notice that,
2:06
uh, privy switched over to, uh,
2:09
an explicit marking on its
2:12
podcasting platforms. Um, that
2:14
was done after some consideration.
2:18
Uh, I'm still going to try to promote
2:21
as much of a family friendly show as
2:24
I can. Um, but
2:27
also noting that talking
2:30
about farts and taking a poop
2:32
and how that one time
2:37
people shazzed themselves and actually died
2:40
on this stuff is maybe
2:42
not what everybody wants their kid to listen
2:45
to. And so I've decided to put
2:48
the explicit content marker on there,
2:51
mostly for the amount of bathroom
2:54
poop and other related content that we
2:56
discuss. And so I'll still do my
2:59
best to keep it as family friendly as I
3:02
can. Um, but we are talking about farts today, so here
3:05
we go. And before we get into
3:08
specifically what we are going to look
3:11
at, we need to talk about the history of. No, I'm just
3:13
kidding. Um, pretty much, if you want the history of farts,
3:16
dude eats big
3:19
bare leg in wilderness.
3:21
Babar eats big bare leg and gets big
3:24
stinky butt gas. But no,
3:27
we need to look at what
3:30
makes a fart smell. The
3:33
chemistry of a fart, if you will.
3:35
This is one of those classic
3:38
old kid toddler, I
3:41
want to know about everything in this world
3:44
questions.
3:46
Dad, what makes a fart smell?
3:49
I farted, and it smells bad. What makes it
3:52
smell that way? It's an age old
3:55
question. Uh, someone in the family rips
3:58
an impressive beefer, and the room all of
4:01
a sudden smells like the
4:03
bathroom. And kids, they just latch
4:06
onto this. They're like, oh. And they think it's the funniest thing in the
4:09
world as well, somehow. But if you don't
4:12
know what a fart is, first
4:15
of all, get out from under your rock. Also,
4:18
uh, again, I don't know how a person could
4:21
be listening to this and not know about and
4:24
be cool with talking about farts from time to
4:27
time, but if you didn't know
4:30
when you eat your food, your tummy, that's where the
4:33
food goes. Um, since we're explaining
4:35
this, has this habit of releasing
4:38
little bits of gas and air as it's being
4:41
digested. As the food is being broken down,
4:44
bits of air and gas are released
4:46
as kind of the process of your food breaking down. Now, there's
4:49
probably, like, medical. Medical people don't listen to
4:52
this. That's not the target audience here,
4:55
but there's probably somebody in the sciences who's hearing
4:58
this, and they're going, he does not understand a
5:01
fart. And that's okay. I'm not a scientist. I'm a
5:03
youth pastor. I don't believe in science.
5:05
Uh, but I don't
5:08
know. So your food
5:11
breaks down, and it produces air. Think, um, of your large
5:14
intestine as, like a tube
5:17
where as the food is broken down and
5:19
moves through it, it becomes like one of those
5:22
hoses in the cartoons that
5:25
a character, like, clamps
5:28
the end of, and it just keeps building up pressure,
5:30
more and more pressure in the hose.
5:33
That's kind of like what the fart
5:36
does in your large intestine.
5:39
It continues to build up and work its way
5:41
towards the end of the tube. And
5:45
as you gulp down pizza
5:48
and chug soda, all the air that
5:51
enters your system via your mouth also
5:54
gets involved in this tube of air,
5:56
if you will. Well,
6:00
kids, that air inside
6:03
that tube,
6:05
when it comes out, it's called a
6:08
fart. Now, this might be a
6:10
philosophical question. Here is a
6:13
fart. A fart before it is farted?
6:16
Like, what do you call a fart when it's
6:19
still in your body? I would argue it's just called
6:21
air. The fart is the act of the
6:24
air coming out of your boring
6:26
holio. But
6:30
what is a fart made of? Like, what's in
6:33
it? Like, it stinks. So, like, why
6:36
most of the air, like, most of the air that comes out of
6:39
people, there is a good amount of carbon
6:42
dioxide and hydrogen. But
6:45
inside that wax
6:47
smelling cloud
6:49
is a, ah, gas
6:53
called methane. Methane
6:56
is stinky, but it gets even more
6:59
stinky when these gases combine with
7:02
others, like ammonia and hydrogen sulfide
7:05
inside your tummy. The
7:08
result? Well, when you
7:10
squelch the barking spider, it smells
7:13
bad. Admittedly, some smell
7:16
worse than others, and sometimes you rip a
7:19
beefer and there is no smell. Now, there is
7:22
a smell, but as we've talked about on a previous
7:25
episode, we have smell bias and often
7:28
don't think our own fart smells as bad as it
7:31
does. But that's not the point. And
7:34
just like there are things you can eat and
7:36
drink to make your pea smell bad
7:39
or make it kind of red
7:42
tinted, I'm looking at you, beets. There
7:45
are things that are going to be more, how do we
7:48
say, efficient at getting
7:51
the toots flowing.
7:53
Foods like beans, vegetables,
7:57
meats, and foods high in fats. Fried
7:59
foods are more likely to produce gas.
8:02
Beans, beans, the musical fruit. Now,
8:05
here's what I'm going to say. All these
8:08
jokers who are throwing shade at me because
8:11
I call a tomato a vegetable, I don't care about
8:14
the science of the seed inside the flipping
8:17
tomato. Bob, you're a
8:20
vegetable, not a fruit.
8:23
Tomato is a vegetable just
8:26
because it has seeds on the inside and it
8:29
would be classified as a fruit.
8:32
Do you put it in a fruit salad?
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No. Then guess what? It's a vegetable.
8:39
Stop it.
8:42
But these people out here. Beans,
8:45
beans, the musical fruit. First of all, you got
8:48
two options on a bean. The first, I'm pretty
8:50
sure, is a vegetable. We're talking to green
8:53
beans. And second, the one that is being
8:56
referred to by this short adage
8:58
is a legume. So
9:01
you tell me, bean, bean, the musical fruit people
9:04
you want to yell at me about Bob the tomato being a fruit?
9:07
Why don't you yell at yourself about beans not
9:10
being one? You know what I'm saying? But beans, beans,
9:13
the more musical fruit, the more you eat,
9:16
the more you scoot. You know what I'm saying? You just
9:19
toot more when you eat these beans. There's not just
9:22
beans, but there's more
9:25
opportunities to bomb your family with a
9:28
blast of human processed bean air
9:31
when you're just nominal on things that are a little higher
9:34
in fats and get more of the
9:36
tummy juices flowing.
9:40
Also, it should be said, I'm not a doctor. Can't
9:43
say that enough. But if you find foods that seem to get
9:46
the gas moving and flowing more
9:49
so than others, um, it could cause your tummy to
9:52
hurt, but it could also increase your opportunity to squeak
9:54
one out. And this could be a sign of an
9:57
intolerance to some food or an early onset thing.
10:00
Talk to your doctor. I'm not a doctor. Feel free
10:03
to send me a message. I'm not going to tell you and give you medical
10:06
advice. Just go talk to your doctor about it. But note,
10:09
everybody's different, and some things are going to get
10:12
the toots flowing, and some are going to get them flowing in a different way
10:15
than others. If I eat beef jerky and I fart, it smells
10:18
exactly like beef jerky every time. I'm just saying.
10:20
But there's increased
10:23
opportunity to squeak one
10:25
out. I also want to note, speaking
10:28
of clinics and doctors,
10:32
that mayo clinic, that's a website,
10:35
not mayonnaise clinic. Um, could you imagine if
10:38
it was mayonnaise clinic? Is
10:41
that a clinic for mayonnaise or a
10:43
clinic that uses mayonnaise to help our
10:46
lives? Mayonnaise ain't helping my life any.
10:49
I think mayonnaise is absolutely disgusting. It's just
10:52
default wet white. Like,
10:55
there's nothing more white on this planet
10:57
than mayonnaise, but it's also
11:00
just wet, like it only exists to add
11:03
wet to anything. Uh,
11:06
this bloke put mayonnaise on a
11:08
hot dog. That's just
11:11
insanity to me. Like, you're just
11:15
making it wet. I don't
11:17
know. I can't get over this stuff. I have too many
11:20
opinions about things. But Mayo
11:23
Clinic said, quote, farting is probably a sign
11:26
that everything's working just right and you have a healthy
11:28
tummy. That's their exact words, by the
11:31
way. Um, I didn't change them at all.
11:34
But the smell of a fart is a lot less
11:37
crass to talk about
11:40
than what makes a fart make
11:42
sound. Now, you know the
11:45
feeling. You're sitting in class or church
11:48
or in the movie next to that cute person, and you
11:51
feel it. You get the tummy bubbles,
11:54
liquid guts. You hold it
11:56
and you hold it, and the pressure's building up. Remember that
11:59
Tom and Jerry hose? Well, that's the inside of your tum
12:02
tum. And you're getting a big flash of
12:05
wind that's getting ready to fly right out of you. You
12:08
finally hit the point of no return, and you go. Okay.
12:11
Oh, my gosh. I have got to squeak this one
12:14
out. And you kind of lean over and you do
12:16
the left cheek sneak. But even
12:19
then, you know that you're still risking it. Or if
12:22
you're the girl in my third grade class, you
12:25
can just cannon off a
12:28
big beef or loudest fart I've ever heard in my life.
12:31
Not really. And then just instantly blame it
12:34
on your chair. Like, here's the
12:37
deal. Chairs make a lot of
12:40
different sounds. Squeaking,
12:43
scraping, scuffing,
12:45
clattering. You know, chair
12:48
sounds, but they
12:51
don't sound like a full grown man ate a pound
12:54
of beans and cheese.
12:57
And so, like, we all know that that was not
13:00
the chair. It was a fart. But what makes a
13:02
fart make the sound that is a
13:05
fart? Well, it's
13:08
really kind of simple. It's the
13:11
sound of the air passing through the
13:14
opening at the end, or the
13:17
butthole, if you will. And the
13:19
vibrations it makes are
13:22
sound number one. That's why the left
13:25
cheek sneak doesn't always do the
13:27
trick, because you're just trying to spread
13:30
the hole open a little bit more to produce
13:33
less sound. But we all know
13:36
there's still a little bit.
13:39
However, if you have a lot of
13:43
real estate on the
13:46
backside, you got a lot more opportunity
13:49
for that air to interact with a lot more of that real
13:51
estate. And as a result, there's a
13:54
bigger opportunity for a bigger
13:57
disruption. Farts are
14:00
inherently funny. Like,
14:03
uh, I believe. And here on privy, we believe that
14:06
God made farts funny.
14:09
Convince me. Otherwise. God could
14:11
have caused the air to come out of our bodies
14:14
in any way possible.
14:17
Could have had it just, like, seep through the skin.
14:20
Could have had it do it any way possible. And it comes out, and it
14:23
makes that sound. You tell
14:26
me farts are
14:29
funny, and sometimes they stink.
14:31
But are, uh, farts healthy?
14:34
I mean, past. Of
14:37
course, Shrek and his advice,
14:40
better out than in. Shrek knew what he was
14:43
talking about, by the way. Farts are always better out
14:46
than in, both for comedic effect and
14:49
for the relief that the person feels having
14:52
ripped the beefer. But
14:55
it turns out farting has some
14:57
benefits other than just the pressure being
15:00
relieved on your tummy. We
15:03
here right now may live in a
15:06
world where the actual health
15:10
benefits of getting a big
15:12
whiff of toot are real. Now,
15:15
that might sound crass to you, and it kind of is.
15:18
And we're not talking about sniffing beef
15:21
stew, getting laid right in your nose.
15:24
I've told that story here before, but I'm going to tell this
15:27
again, and I'm going to use his name this time, because I don't
15:30
care. Um, this is not a
15:32
hunter's anecdotes, because we've already done that one here. But
15:36
if you want it, just pretend like I played the music.
15:40
I don't even remember. Um, but we were on
15:43
this youth trip, and I've told this story. I just want to get
15:46
to the good part. And we had all decided
15:49
that, uh, we're not going to fall asleep. If anybody falls asleep, we're going to mess
15:52
with and, like, just matters of an
15:55
hour or so before we had to leave for the conference that
15:58
day, my friend Luke, who was. He was a
16:01
year younger than us and kind of one of the. Not the youngest
16:04
kids in the group, but one of the younger ones, he fell asleep
16:07
right on the couch in the middle of the common area.
16:09
And as the girls are getting woken up
16:12
on their wing, we're like, oh, dude, Luke's asleep.
16:15
And this other guy, I'm pretty sure his name was
16:18
Mike, but he gets
16:21
over there, and he just bears his butt, and
16:24
he sticks his cheeks, like, on either side of
16:26
Luke's nose, and just
16:29
farts right in Luke's nose. And the dude
16:32
gags, and, like, the fart
16:35
woke him up by gagging him awake
16:39
right into his nose hole. Luke, if you're
16:41
listening, you might have gotten
16:44
a gift, because that compound air
16:47
substance that gives the tooth some of its stink,
16:50
hydrogen sulfide could be good for
16:53
you. The theory
16:56
of science on this goes like
16:59
this. The mitochondria. All my
17:01
schoolhouse rockheads out there know what the
17:04
mitochondria is all about. Say it with
17:07
me.
17:10
This is me trying to do a dora the explorer moment
17:13
where I let you all respond. The
17:15
mitochondria is.
17:17
That's right, kids. The powerhouse of
17:20
the cell, that
17:22
mitochondria, it could really like
17:25
the stinky part of a fart. This is
17:28
based off the fact that the mitochondria,
17:31
again, the powerhouse where all the energy for the cell comes
17:34
from, um, it uses
17:37
hydrogen sulfide to
17:39
repair damaged cells
17:42
in its own functions. So
17:46
the theory then goes like this. If
17:49
a person is exposed to more
17:51
environments with hydrogen sulfide,
17:54
the idea is it would be easier for your
17:56
cells to repair damage.
18:00
This is important because if the
18:02
cell undergoes too much stress
18:05
and spends too much time
18:08
trying to repair damage,
18:11
it's going to undergo inflammation,
18:13
and, ah, as a result,
18:16
could die. Like, the cell could actually die
18:19
in time again. If the
18:21
mitochondria can't produce this
18:24
hydrogen, sulfide compound to essentially heal
18:27
itself quick enough,
18:30
it becomes fatigued and dies. And so
18:33
the scientists. And again, this is not me. This is
18:36
science, quote, science here.
18:40
Their proposal is that
18:43
increased exposure to the
18:46
hydrogen sulfide compound would
18:48
help the cell along to test this. And
18:51
again, these theories have only been tested on
18:54
animals. Uh, so, yeah,
18:57
imagine a box of rats and dudes farting into the box. No, I'm
19:00
just kidding. That's not what they did. Um, but to test this, they
19:03
created a fake stinky fart compound called AP
19:06
39. Now, I don't think it actually stunk.
19:10
Um, but, yeah, this compound
19:12
mimics hydrogen sulfide,
19:15
and they exposed
19:18
blood vessels to it. And what they found is it
19:21
actually worked like it showed some added health
19:24
benefits to these animals. The research then
19:27
continued, and they suggested the
19:29
compound could help lower blood
19:32
pressure, treat heart conditions,
19:35
improve kidney function, help protect
19:38
your brain after a heart problem,
19:41
and could even reduce aging.
19:43
Sniffing your farts can help you like
19:46
makeup. It's a good skincare routine. You hear that,
19:49
beauty queens? The next time you do yourself
19:52
your little makeup routine, just remember, if you
19:55
sniff a fart, it's going to help them. Help
19:58
them age lines. That's
20:01
probably why I don't have. No, I'm just kidding.
20:03
But maybe the next time someone tells you,
20:06
like, hey, you should probably be
20:09
taking turmeric or whatever the
20:12
heck you need to take to, quote, reduce
20:14
inflammation. Hey, did you know you have
20:17
inflammation? Yeah. Of what? For me, right
20:20
now, I have inflammation of my big toe, and it
20:23
sucks. But hey, you better be taking some
20:26
turmeric or whatever the heck. Just tell
20:29
them, hey, you know what else? You can sniff a fart to reduce
20:32
inflammation. It's backed by
20:34
science. One
20:37
kid even wanted to smell his
20:40
own farts while
20:42
gaming in this segment of,
20:44
uh, poo in the news.
20:51
This poo in the news segment is brought to us
20:54
by tech gaming Report,
20:57
and the title of this article is PC
21:00
in the bathroom. An amateur shows an unusual
21:03
gaming system. This news article was
21:05
originally published at the beginning of August 2022,
21:08
and it says there's plenty of
21:11
case mods for unusual PC cases.
21:14
I believe a, uh, case mod is
21:16
gamer speak for the shell of the
21:19
computer. Like, people make the shell of their computer
21:22
look like all sorts of things. This, um, one
21:25
says that there's, like an aquarium.
21:28
Um, there's one that they
21:31
built into. It's like a hobby people have. I don't
21:34
know, but
21:36
this person, and it's from a
21:39
well known YouTube channel, we're not, whatever, put a
21:42
PC gaming computer in a toilet
21:45
tank. Yeah, they've
21:47
addressed the issue with the past in the fridge, PC in the
21:50
toaster, among other things. Uh, it comes
21:53
together with the wink. Um,
21:56
it's an implementation we're seeing. So I'll
21:59
post pictures of this toilet,
22:01
but there's a narrow separation of water
22:04
inside because do you know what you don't want? You don't want
22:07
a gaming PC to interact with water that often.
22:10
And so they have to build
22:13
a separation so that way the toilet still has
22:16
enough water to function. Um, but also
22:19
giving it the electronics. They also had to install an
22:22
electrical outlet near their toilet because I don't know if you
22:25
noticed, but look around your toilet. There's not usually
22:28
a conveniently placed electrical outlet for a
22:30
PC. They say it's
22:33
feasible and fun. The stated goal
22:36
was to accommodate a system that could run
22:38
counterstrike global offensive.
22:41
Now, I think this is a popular video
22:44
game, uh, and to be able to play
22:46
counterstrike global Offensive on the
22:49
toilet, it has a GeForce RTX
22:52
3060 and an intel core I seven
22:57
nerd. Uh, the
23:00
video games, uh, it also has a monitor in the
23:03
toilet seat back. And this is where,
23:06
hey, people building this toilet. I'm going to let you
23:09
know something here. That's not how
23:12
you sit on the toilet. And you would have to
23:15
sit on the floor with your legs around the post of
23:17
the toilet, hugging the bowl for this to even be
23:20
a feasible way to play video games while
23:23
sitting on the toilet, they
23:26
had an unexpected leak which needed fixed sealant of
23:29
a new design. Uh, the hobbyist sums up his
23:32
project as follows. I know now more about plumbing
23:35
than I ever thought I could, and I've never
23:38
stopped playing. I can just sit and do the bathroom while I
23:41
play. Except based on where you
23:44
put your screen, my friend.
23:46
Oh, wait, no, I see it now. He put the
23:49
screen on, um, the part of your
23:52
toilet that actually lifts off to get
23:55
into the toilet tank to do work so you
23:57
could sit on it, you would have to do like, a reverse
24:00
sit with your legs facing the wall, which is a
24:03
viable way to sit on the toilet to go poop.
24:06
We'll talk about that one day. You'd have to perform
24:09
a toilet hug to play on it. But yeah, this
24:12
kid put a PC in a toilet, so good on him. Um,
24:15
and I'm going to check out this YouTube video for more. Uh,
24:18
but like I said, this was written by
24:20
Ebenezer Robbins. Thank you, Ebenezer, for, uh,
24:23
sharing this with us on tech gaming
24:26
report. And that has been another segment of
24:29
poo in the news.
24:35
Well, hopefully you've finished squeaking
24:38
your sneaker. Oh, uh, wait a minute. No. Sneaking
24:41
your squeaker. Wait, no. That also sounds
24:44
wild. Finish your toot. And
24:46
remember, there could be some added health benefits
24:49
of taking a good whiff.
24:52
Thank you. Hydrogen sulfide.
24:55
See, farts ain't so
24:57
bad. This also
25:00
brings us to the end of another episode of privy.
25:03
Thank you so much for being here and listening. We love that you're
25:06
here. Um, it's national podcasting month. Feel
25:09
free to, uh, show some love to the podcast in your
25:12
life. Leave them a rating and review. It helps
25:15
people find those five star options are preferred.
25:18
Spotify takes 3 seconds. Apple can take 3
25:21
seconds to 30 seconds, depending on if you write a
25:24
review. If you write us a review, we'll read it here on the
25:26
show. We would love to start, uh, reading some more
25:29
of those reviews. And, uh, if you've written a review
25:32
and you're like, well, I haven't seen it, I am recording this
25:35
ahead of time because I'm fixing to go back
25:38
to teaching school again for the year.
25:41
And so I'm trying to get a few of these built up ahead of time. But
25:44
leave us a rating review, and we promise we will get to
25:46
them. Follow us on social
25:49
media. The show is at Privycast. You can
25:52
follow me. I'm at Owl at seven. Weird stuff going
25:55
on on both of those pages. Tread lightly on the
25:58
TikToks. We would like to thank Kevin
26:01
McLeod for the use of bar room ballet as our intro
26:04
and outro music. You can find Kevin's
26:06
music@incompetent.com and
26:09
his music is licensed under Creative Commons license
26:12
attribution 40. Thanks,
26:15
Kevin. We would also like to thank
26:17
Pottington Bear for the use of camp
26:20
as the pooh in the news intro and outro
26:23
music. You can find Potdington's
26:25
music@pottingtonbear.com.
26:28
Thanks, Pottington. We would also like to
26:30
thank Luke for having Mike fart in his nose.
26:34
This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much
26:37
for joining us. And now, as always,
26:40
face, don't forget to flush.