Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 2 - Episode 308 - Boundaries we set for OURSELVES.

Transcript

Season 2 - Episode 308 - Boundaries we set for OURSELVES. · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning From the Chicken Coop Podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop along with all her chickens.
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  Hey, everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So let's talk about boundaries. And when I say boundaries, I am
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  not talking about the boundaries that we set typically for other
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  people and what we will quote, UN quote, take from them.
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  I'm not taking that from them. And I always find this to be an
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  interesting version of how to do boundaries, because it's about
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  the other person. And if you're a listener
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  regularly with me, you know, I'm going to say the same thing I
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  say very often. It's not about other people,
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  it's about you. It's about what you allow for
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  yourself internally, not externally.
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  It's where you start to draw the line internally.
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  So this means that you have to. Change your view of boundaries,
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  and often times we will set them up and we will make them all
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  about other people. We will make them about what we
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  will take from other people, what we will allow from other
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  people. And it becomes too external, in
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  my opinion, for the greater good and for the greater good of you
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  is what I'm talking about. Because we have no control over
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  other people. We can't control other people,
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  no matter how much we want to. We can't control them.
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  We have nothing. That we can force upon them.
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  That will make them shift at all.
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  The only chance we have of shifting a relationship that we
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  have with other people is to shift ourselves.
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  And that is the great conundrum of it all.
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  The great puzzle, The great mystery.
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  Because when we change how we show up in an equation,
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  something else changes. It's the part of the butterfly
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  effect is the way I like to think of it.
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  You know, if the butterfly flaps its wings, does that have an
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  effect on something? Yes, because everything effects
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  everything else. But the reality is that when it
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  comes to human beings, behavior interacting with each other, the
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  only way that you have an opportunity.
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  Is to shift yourself, shift your points of view, shift the way
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  you show up and then everything outside shifts.
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  So the boundaries and and why are we talking about this right
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  now? Well, because the holidays are
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  coming and we know this is where all the chaos ensues and lots of
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  families. I have a client who I mean I
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  100% genuinely leaves. Before at the end of November,
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  end of October and does not come back until the end of January so
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  that she does not have to deal with all of her family.
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  She just takes off and she goes to somewhere in Southeast Asia
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  and tours and has fun and takes cooking classes and it's so that
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  she doesn't have to deal with her family and it's so.
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  Some people get really like, Oh my gosh, that's terrible that
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  she has to do that. No, she's taking care of
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  herself. She's made the decision that
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  this is what's right for her. And I love her boldness of it
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  because it's a time when she is slower at work so she can just
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  do these things. And she does, because it sets
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  her up. In her own head.
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  And she's putting up the boundaries for herself, not for
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  other people. So she says, listen, I don't
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  want to go there. I don't want to have to listen
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  to the conversations. I don't want to have to have,
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  you know, these these intermixed groups of people that I know
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  don't get along, that pretend and it feels weird and I'm not
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  going to go and put my rules on people after all that we've
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  worked on, she says. I'm not going to put my rules on
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  people, I'm just going to take myself out of the game.
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  And that is how she's setting her boundaries.
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  So the funny part for me is I like to say I have to, I have to
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  choose for myself what I'm going to allow to put up with inside
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  myself. That's my boundaries.
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  It's like, am I allowing myself to to get so chaotic about this?
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  Am I allowing myself to take on this energy?
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  Am I allowing myself to? Have to be offended by things.
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  Because here's what's interesting.
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  When you really start to get deep into self development work,
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  you recognize more and more and more that nobody can make you
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  think or feel anything that you do not allow onto your bus.
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  And this is where boundaries come in.
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  I can't. I cannot be forced to think
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  something. It's a it's of my own making.
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  So my boundaries for myself are that I set myself up where.
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  Beforehand, I just say to myself, well, I choose not to be
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  offended by any of the shenanigans that go on.
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  I choose to just be neutral. I choose to be open and loving
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  in any situation, or I choose to take myself out of the situation
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  and I don't participate because I know I don't have the the
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  fortitude to go through with it. And I know my limitations, and
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  there are limitations that I consistently work on, but it
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  doesn't mean that I don't know them.
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  I still know them. So what's so important is to
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  recognize you have ultimate control over the boundaries, but
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  that the boundaries for you you can never control how other
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  people act. Or feel You can never control
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  what they're going to say. You can never control how
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  they're going to show up. All you can do is control you.
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  And ultimately the best part of this is once you really get a
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  handle on this, you recognize that the beautiful part of this,
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  the most beautiful part of all of this, is that you don't have
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  to have any drama because you can.
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  You don't have to tap into the drama.
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  And the boundaries that you've set for yourself are literally
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  just for yourself, nobody else. So I'm going to ask you guys to
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  think about that well before the holidays and start working on it
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  and set yourself up to win. Make the choices for yourself
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  before you go in and stick to them.
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  I hope you guys have a blessed day and I will see you tomorrow.
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  Bye.