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Transcript

A Culture Shift · Lean Out Podcast

• 0:01
  Welcome to the lean out podcast.
• 0:03
  I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:04
  Don baker.
• 0:05
  Are you looking for a new approach to finding authentic and sustainable work-life balance?
• 0:10
  You've come to the right.
• 0:11
  Place.
• 0:11
  For inspiration.
• 0:12
  information.
• 0:13
  and a community.
• 0:14
  community.
• 0:14
  of like-minded.
• 0:15
  Professionals.
• 0:16
  Let's get to the show.
• 0:23
  Hello?
• 0:23
  Hello.
• 0:24
  Thanks for being here.
• 0:25
  We're experiencing lots of late summer mountain thunderstorms on our homestead and I'm reminded about how sometimes seemingly bad things can also bring good ones.
• 0:35
  The rain is cold and wet and it hampers being outside and the fun things that we do outside.
• 0:41
  But at the same time, it's nourishing our soil and our trees.
• 0:45
  And it's preventing the forest fires.
• 0:47
  That can be so common during this warm season.
• 0:51
  Today, I'm bringing you another audio chapter of my book, lean out a professional woman's guide to finding authentic work-life balance.
• 0:59
  This is chapter four, titled a culture shift.
• 1:02
  In this chapter, I described my own wake up call to examine the unwritten rules I was living by at the time that I had my health crisis.
• 1:10
  We all have unwritten rules.
• 1:12
  Do you know what yours are?
• 1:14
  I also introduced the concept of the hedonic treadmill of achievement, which is something that you may have heard me talk about before.
• 1:21
  Lastly, I bring you the story of BC.
• 1:24
  A friend and fellow physician who tells her lien out journey.
• 1:27
  It includes creative writing and palliative medicine in her own blend of unique work life balance.
• 1:34
  I will link the episode where we actually do an interview together in the show notes.
• 1:39
  As always, thanks so much for your support and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
• 1:43
  Pay special attention to the quiz at the end.
• 1:45
  And tell me how you do send me a message through my website, practice balance.com.
• 1:50
  Or DM me on Instagram at practice balance.
• 1:57
  Chapter 4.
• 1:58
  A Culture Shift.
• 2:01
  A great day is when I rush home from the craziness of the office to have dinner with my family.
• 2:06
  Sheryl Sandberg.
• 2:09
  Yes, this is quoted word for word from the book Lean In.
• 2:12
  Sandberg even describes saying something of the sort in an interview, then backpedaling because of the shame she felt from making the statement.
• 2:20
  It took her significant internal work to be able to get to the point where she could, wait for it.
• 2:26
  Leave the office at 530.
• 2:29
  She qualifies this by admitting that she still goes online to work later in the evening.
• 2:33
  It has to be okay to want more than this.
• 2:37
  Sadly, the hard driving work culture of professions such as law and medicine has been around for a long time, and the assimilation starts early.
• 2:45
  In the name of professionalism, medical students are taught to detach from emotion when facing patients and colleagues.
• 2:52
  Falling ill is a sign of weakness.
• 2:55
  There is no way you would ever call in sick unless you're actually dying.
• 3:00
  Law students learn the cutthroat nature of competition and comparison when they discover pages ripped out of the class community books and secret outline making in early study groups.
• 3:10
  These behaviors, which also show up in other professions and work environments, are not only ingrained, they are revered.
• 3:18
  Further, Once the rigors of training are over, the behaviors don't disappear.
• 3:23
  These portions of the hidden curriculum become unwritten rules for our everyday lives.
• 3:29
  In order to mitigate the burdens on women that often accompany this culture, there are now entire businesses dedicated to work life balance solutions.
• 3:38
  Meal prep services that range from boxes of ingredients to a personal chef.
• 3:43
  au pair referral networks, and Facebook groups with thousands of members empowering women professionals to make more money, start side businesses, and crowdsource their work life balance.
• 3:55
  While I'm not against using any of these resources, what I'm talking about goes beyond merely outsourcing your to do list.
• 4:03
  Sometimes the best solution is to remove things from your life as opposed to adding more.
• 4:08
  The rules.
• 4:10
  We each live our lives by unwritten rules.
• 4:13
  Some are easy to identify, especially when it comes to expectations at work.
• 4:17
  Notable examples include, a good doctor puts patients first.
• 4:22
  If I want to make partner, I have to go above and beyond the required billable hours.
• 4:27
  I can't be the last one in the office in the morning or the first one out the door in the evening.
• 4:32
  At the same time, we each have unwritten rules that govern the judgments we make on ourselves and others.
• 4:39
  These could be steeped in cultural backgrounds, upbringing, and life experiences.
• 4:44
  These may be thoughts like, in order to be loved, I must, because I am a victim, I cannot, in order to be a good insert doctor, lawyer, wife, parent, child, etc., I must.
• 5:00
  We might not even realize these rules exist in our brains.
• 5:04
  If you reflect on your actions just over the past day or two, you'll likely find some of these hiding in the crevices.
• 5:11
  Unwritten rules govern our behavior, and sometimes that's just fine.
• 5:15
  The key is in deciding if they're really true.
• 5:18
  Are you living by rules that don't align with your values or vision for your life?
• 5:24
  When we fall into a culture that doesn't quite feel right, it can affect our health.
• 5:28
  Shame and authenticity expert Brene Brown, Ph.
• 5:32
  D.
• 5:32
  said, The space between your professed values and your practice values is where burnout lives.
• 5:39
  Inauthenticity is an energy drain that is linked to stress, anxiety, and depression.
• 5:44
  Where does the line fall between professionalism and authenticity?
• 5:48
  If you want to lead a more balanced life as a professional, this is something you're going to have to figure out for yourself.
• 5:54
  No one else is going to solve it for you.
• 5:57
  Yes, the system is broken.
• 5:59
  Professionals are experiencing moral injury.
• 6:02
  And unfortunately, systems and cultures don't change quickly.
• 6:05
  You can wait around for yours to evolve.
• 6:08
  You can even try to change the system.
• 6:10
  Or, you can take your health and happiness into your own hands.
• 6:15
  It doesn't matter how small of a shift against the culture you want to make.
• 6:19
  To become the truest sense of yourself in this world, you must identify, question, and unlearn the offending rules your brain has accepted as truth.
• 6:27
  Author Elizabeth Gilbert, speaking on what life coach Martha Beck has taught her, said, Your intuitive nature will take care of everything.
• 6:36
  In order to listen to it, you have to step away from trauma, and you have to step away from culture.
• 6:42
  A wake up call.
• 6:44
  Facing a frightening diagnosis, surgery, and lifelong medical treatment, I stared my own mortality in the eyes.
• 6:52
  It brought everything, including my rules, into immediate examination.
• 6:56
  Suddenly, I had nothing to lose.
• 6:59
  I gave up the idea of pursuing the fellowship or the echocardiography boards.
• 7:04
  It wasn't because I was afraid that I couldn't do them, I gave them up because I realized they were antithetical to the life I really wanted.
• 7:12
  When I was sick but didn't know why, struggling with the motivation to even go to work each day, I longingly thought back to my time as an engineer.
• 7:20
  Why had I gone to medical school when I could have just continued to help make faster computer chips?
• 7:26
  On the darkest of days, I even wondered why I hadn't taken the path to becoming a barista.
• 7:31
  I mean, I do love coffee.
• 7:33
  But once I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and optic nerve compromise, and I laid there on that cold, hard operating table wearing only a patient gown like all the patients I had treated in their most vulnerable states, I remembered.
• 7:47
  In my convalescence, I realized what was most important to me.
• 7:51
  I had just experienced a major health event, but it could have been so much worse.
• 7:57
  Through caring for patients, I had experienced plenty of sad.
• 8:01
  And this wasn't it.
• 8:02
  It wasn't.
• 8:03
  I still mostly had my health, and I had serious hope that I could gain back my vitality and joy for living.
• 8:10
  I remembered why I had gone into medicine in the first place, to afford a unique kind of freedom that wasn't available to me in the niche industries that make up chemical engineering careers.
• 8:20
  As a doctor, I could live and work anywhere I wanted because all humans need medical help, not just those in San Jose or Houston or Phoenix.
• 8:28
  I could also interact with a wide variety of people, from patients to families to other health care team members.
• 8:35
  So then, why had I been on this path that would peg me into a very specialized niche in my chosen medical specialty?
• 8:43
  One where I would have to live in a large city and work for either a huge group or an academic institution.
• 8:48
  One that would narrow the types of patients I served as opposed to the diversity of experience I craved.
• 8:55
  The hedonic treadmill of achievement.
• 8:58
  In the third grade, my teacher identified me as a high achiever.
• 9:02
  Aside from recognition, he rewarded me with the opportunity to write an extra report on a topic of my choosing every month.
• 9:09
  Being young and not having many commitments on my time, I happily accepted the additional challenge and added work.
• 9:16
  This began the formation of some of my unwritten rules about what is required for success and what is required for praise.
• 9:24
  Achievements fulfill the higher need that many humans have for accomplishment.
• 9:28
  We want to meet challenges and make contributions.
• 9:31
  We want to belong in our cultures.
• 9:34
  Achievement, however, is a quest that's never ending.
• 9:37
  It can be addictive, even dangerous.
• 9:40
  Edonic adaptation is the concept where, despite the occurrence of significant positive or negative events, your set point for happiness tends to return to a baseline over time.
• 9:51
  Despite experiencing a joyful moment, such as a marriage, a job promotion, or even winning the lottery, our happiness levels eventually go back to where they were before the external input that incited the perceived change.
• 10:04
  The classic example of how this works is when you buy a new car.
• 10:08
  At first, you admire your car and notice its pristine beauty or increased performance over your old car with every drive.
• 10:15
  Over time, this shiny newness fades, and driving the car doesn't give you that same novel joy that it once did.
• 10:21
  It's just an okay car.
• 10:23
  Then you feel the longing to get another car.
• 10:26
  That's where the treadmill part comes in.
• 10:29
  Our expectations rise to meet the new status quo, which prompts us to seek out more ways to increase our perceived level of happiness.
• 10:37
  So, how does this apply to achievement?
• 10:40
  You likely grew up being told you're smart.
• 10:42
  You might have been particularly good at math or English or something else.
• 10:46
  Getting praise gave you a sense of happiness, acceptance, importance, and maybe even love.
• 10:52
  You continue to do more of what you're good at.
• 10:55
  As you mature, you choose to focus your efforts on areas of self perceived strength.
• 11:00
  You keep achieving, so people praise you more, and they reward you with more responsibilities.
• 11:07
  Former lawyer turned writer and happiness expert Gretchen Rubin said, Making partner at a law firm is like winning a pie eating contest and being told that the prize is more pie.
• 11:18
  This pattern continues from your school days straight into your career.
• 11:22
  Achievement is met with more praise and an accompanying wider set of responsibilities, because you do such good work, you can handle it.
• 11:31
  Our self worth also gets woven into the treads on the treadmill of achievement.
• 11:35
  We form more unwritten rules related to our performance.
• 11:39
  I cannot fail or people won't love me.
• 11:42
  I should be grateful I was given this opportunity slash job slash spot in a class.
• 11:48
  What I really want to do with my life isn't possible because it's not reimbursable slash billable slash valuable.
• 11:55
  Soon, our lives are filled with tasks, goals, and projects that, despite feeding our sense of self worth, relevance, and importance, may or may not be related to what actually matters to us.
• 12:07
  Priorities and time spent begin to misalign.
• 12:11
  Values and actions diverge.
• 12:13
  Roles and interests become mismatched, all while we're not really looking.
• 12:19
  Exercise.
• 12:20
  How entrenched are you on the treadmill of achievement?
• 12:25
  Ponder these questions.
• 12:27
  Consider writing your thoughts about each as a journal entry.
• 12:31
  There are no right or wrong answers, nor is there a number of affirmatives that deem you achievement addicted.
• 12:37
  Only you will know how you really score.
• 12:40
  Number one.
• 12:42
  What are your top three priorities right now?
• 12:45
  Number two.
• 12:46
  What Are you spending your time on your top three priorities or on something else?
• 12:52
  Number three, who are your role models and why?
• 12:57
  Number four, could you see yourself doing anything different than your profession?
• 13:03
  Number five, what would you do if you were suddenly disabled and could not perform the tasks required of your profession?
• 13:12
  Number six, do you have difficulty relaxing during your downtime?
• 13:17
  Number seven, what would Do you feel a scarcity of time?
• 13:20
  That there's not enough time in the day or days in the week to get things done?
• 13:26
  Number 8.
• 13:27
  Whose opinions matter to you most?
• 13:30
  Number 9.
• 13:32
  How do you feel when you see a colleague or friend experiencing success or receiving praise?
• 13:38
  Number 10.
• 13:40
  If you were told you only had six months to live, what would be the first thing you'd do?
• 13:47
  BC's Journey.
• 13:49
  You can't really become or do something unless you imagine it in your head.
• 13:55
  Over the past decade, BC has gone from feeling like a widget on an assembly line to living an alternative lifestyle professional journey on my terms.
• 14:06
  She started her medical career as a hospitalist in New York, but when she and her husband, an emergency medicine physician, both became despondent about their jobs, they decided to make a big lifestyle change and move across the country to Florida.
• 14:20
  Financially, it was the best thing we ever did, leaving the Northeast, she said.
• 14:25
  We wanted our kids to be able to run around outside, and they do.
• 14:28
  They come back covered in mud.
• 14:31
  At a young age, B.
• 14:32
  C.
• 14:32
  knew she wanted to live a life less ordinary.
• 14:35
  She found an early role model in the German mother she had as an exchange student during a gap year in Europe.
• 14:41
  She witnessed this woman, an ophthalmologist, working part time while raising three children and carving out space in their lives for travel and adventure.
• 14:50
  When B.
• 14:50
  C.
• 14:50
  and her family moved to Florida, she began to take a page out of her European experience and design a life that does not revolve solely around work.
• 15:00
  First, she pursued a fellowship in the area of internal medicine she loved most, palliative care.
• 15:06
  Afterward, she began a part time position as a palliative care physician in the Veterans Affairs system.
• 15:13
  Over the years, BC's work environment slowly grew toxic.
• 15:16
  It was a very hostile work environment, and it was department specific, she said.
• 15:21
  BC decided to retire because the only other alternative workplace in her geographic area would not consider hiring a part time physician.
• 15:30
  She and her husband had simplified their lives to reach financial independence, so work became optional.
• 15:36
  We always had the goal of using money to control our time, she said.
• 15:40
  Little did she know retirement was not for her.
• 15:43
  I went crazy, she said.
• 15:45
  Then the pandemic happened.
• 15:47
  Her state asked for physicians to come out of retirement, so within one year of retiring, B.
• 15:53
  C.
• 15:53
  returned to medicine.
• 15:55
  And I'm so glad I did, she said.
• 15:58
  She's now in a per diem position in a great hospital system with supportive co workers and supervisors.
• 16:04
  She realized that her desire to retire was driven not by a dislike of medicine, but by a role mismatch.
• 16:11
  Aside from her part time practice of palliative care medicine, B.
• 16:15
  C.
• 16:15
  is also an author.
• 16:17
  She wrote a book about the financial independence retire early fire movement, specifically for physicians.
• 16:24
  She is also working on multiple novels as part of what she calls a DIY MFA.
• 16:30
  Her clinical time takes up approximately 50 shifts per year.
• 16:34
  BC derives joy and purpose from her work, always reminding herself what a privilege it is to serve her community in this capacity.
• 16:42
  While she says that the security and freedom of financial independence have been the best things about taking her unconventional path, BC admits that it's tough being different from her peers.
• 16:52
  I feel like parts of me are split, she says.
• 16:55
  She doesn't fully fit into the author world, nor does she completely feel comfortable in the physician community.
• 17:02
  She recounts physician friends visiting her home once and declaring you have no furniture.
• 17:07
  You have no TV.
• 17:09
  BC has dealt with feeling like an outsider by getting coached, going to conferences, and carving out her own slice of community.
• 17:17
  She's active in a local women in medicine group and she regularly attends conferences and retreats with other physicians on the topics of women's issues and finance.
• 17:26
  Above all, she credits coaching for her greatest growth.
• 17:30
  When asked what she would tell her younger self, she said, aside from getting therapy sooner, I would get coaching sooner.
• 17:38
  I wouldn't be where I am today without it.
• 17:41
  BC's unique career path demonstrates that leaning out does not have to mean retiring from your profession.
• 17:47
  You can derive joy and meaning from your work while at the same time not becoming consumed by it.
• 17:54
  The key is being open to making changes to your plans.
• 17:58
  All of adult life is continuously working what works in the moment, and then you pause and shift and pivot to something else, she said.
• 18:07
  Thanks for listening to the lean out podcast.
• 18:10
  If you find these conversations inspiring and useful, please forward them to a friend and also leave a review on iTunes or Spotify so that other people can find them easier.
• 18:22
  If you want to get in touch with me, you can find me at my website, practice balanced.com, where you can subscribe to my newsletter and get updates regularly about new podcast episodes, blog posts, speaking, engagements, and coaching services.
• 18:39
  You can also support my work by buying my book, lean out a professional woman's guide to finding authentic work-life balance for yourself, a friend, family member, or coworker.
• 18:51
  Have a great day and we'll see you next time