Latest / Jess Ask / Don’t Fail in Fear: Faith, Femininity & Finding Yourself | FT Britta Tabor | EP132

Transcript

Don’t Fail in Fear: Faith, Femininity & Finding Yourself | FT Britta Tabor | EP132 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica Smith, and you already know
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another Do you
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: already know what it is? And then you know it's
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: about to get real, So be sure to show your
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: girl the love and like, come subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: For another day? Hey, hey, I know we could be
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: another way.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Very transparent moment. Oh Jesus, my love my life.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Jesus.
• 0:43
  Speaker 5: Yo, yo, yo, it's your girl, Jessica S.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Smith, and you have entered the safe space for influences
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: to decompress, have fun and guess what, just just as
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I love it, I love it.
• 0:53
  Speaker 5: I love it.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Y'all know I love y'all and y'all love me. But
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: I also know y'all of my girl, DESI rate Desil,
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: doesn't Ray doesn't Ray doesn't Ray does a right? Who
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: is not in the frame?
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: Y'all know we we we be working in progressing around here.
• 1:12
  Speaker 5: Doesn't let me. I'm about to get up and move
• 1:16
  Speaker 5: your frame.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: No, it's good.
• 1:18
  Speaker 5: Let me just go over, let me just cool, just
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: this a little school.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: I was just out of the frame.
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: I told you, we don't care. We we we work
• 1:25
  Speaker 5: with what we got. Does a right how you feeling?
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 1:28
  Speaker 5: Uh, you know, I'm all right.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: You know, the little uh, the little weather change trying
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: to try to take take me down through that a
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: little bit with so I'm screaming.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: We watched so much TikTok Instagram.
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: Okay, screaming, But overall, I am good. I am grateful
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: and thankful, grateful and thankful.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: You went down at the Enterprise to see your folks
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: for the holidays and just came back a little a
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: little stress, little little tiede. But we're gonna we literally, y'all.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I had to pray for a hand because this was
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: something going on with his hands, something going on this eye,
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: just all the things.
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: I mean, Lord is good, The Lord is good. You know.
• 2:11
  Speaker 5: The thing is, I was thinking about this on the
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: way over here.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes, if if we're honest, you don't always
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: feel like doing a thing that you're doing.
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: Today was probably one of them days.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: I was like, you know what, I really could just
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: be just laid up in the bed somewhere, you know
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. But for me, the covenant, in the
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: commitment that was made is deeper than how I feel,
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: so we hear, and I'm excited about this conversation because
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: then later right.
• 2:36
  Speaker 5: Here, pretty walked up in here regulate snatching edges and nicks.
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: And everything, but she came with edge control.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: I'm glad she came with She came, she snatched them out,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: and then she put them back. So I guess that's
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: a blessing because the conversation has been commensating all the
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: way it has been. So I'm very excited to have
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: our guess here today and I'm very excited to get
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: into this conversation.
• 2:58
  Speaker 5: So I'm ex and I'm gonna tell you a reason
• 3:01
  Speaker 5: why I'm excited.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: Why are you an excited girl?
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Because this relationship started years ago, back in naturally devoted days.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: And if you don't know what naturally devoted is, I
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: used to have a magazine.
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: That was called entitled Night Naturally Devoted.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: And it was for women of faith and going through
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: different genres. It was basically if you think about the
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: podcast and the magazine form, that's what it was.
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: And this lady, not.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Knowing who I was, agreed because my best friend shout
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: out to Aaron Aaron Thomas almost called her Aaron Dale's
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: but that is not her merrit name because BT is
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: not gonna get me, but Aaron Thomas. I think they
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: went to church together and she asked at the time,
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: she was helping me my magazine, and we did her spread.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: We did an article on her being a fastionista or
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: being a woman of faith. Her celebrating the curvy girls.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I mean, like, the lady was just impressive and she's got.
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: Beautiful she is bad.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: Okay, So I am super excited and beyond honored to
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: have our friend of just as the podcast, miss Rita to.
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: Boy, Hey, hey, hey.
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: Listen, you came in here with the you came with
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: the party.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: I did you know I never travel alone. You know,
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: that's my Papa ROSSI, that's my get along game. Broke
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: best friends.
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: Shout out to Cindya wille if you know you know Beretta, Yes,
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: you you came in. Guns are blazing.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: Hey, we got work to do. We do, we do,
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: And it all starts with a conversation.
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: It all starts with a conversation.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: One of the things we were talking about that I'm
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: very surprised that you mentioned in the car was that
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: you are hesitant on success. And it surprised me because
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: I deem you successful. I deem you success, and I
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: can believe that your followers deem you successful.
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: But you mentioned that you have a fear.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: Attached to I get I would say more success. Can
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: we talk about that?
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: And why would Britta say this? In our minds, you're
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: already successful.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: I appreciate that huge compliment, and I don't take it lightly.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: But I think if we look at it, we all
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: know that to who much is given, much as required.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: So with that requirement, it is that I don't want
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: to do it wrong. I want it to be done
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: right and in the spirit of excellence. So how do
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: I continue to stay humble in what it is that
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: I'm doing, to do it the right way, serve the
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: right audience, and do it for the right reason. We
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: all know that when it comes to this social media space,
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: nine times out of ten, what you see is not real, right,
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: But we create those real safe spaces, and that matters
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: to me. So it doesn't have to be done perfect,
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: but it has to be done so well that we
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: don't get the glory in it. But in all that
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: we do, he is seeing in her without even saying
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: his name, If that makes sense.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: That now that's I think that's something that is important.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: So if you didn't know she's a god fearing woman
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: and then she speak a little tongue.
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: Oh, don't do that.
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: Oh I felt real quick.
• 6:33
  Speaker 5: She speaking a little tongue.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Okay, just some gage I didn't know.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: But I think the challenging part, and I'm just gonna
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: be transparent from me is when I thought about entrepreneurship
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: and faith, I didn't come from somewhere. I saw both
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: a line. I saw what either or affect. Okay, how
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: did you learn to I don't want to say blend because, oh,
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: mar Elcatry, I'm not sure if you're familiar with you.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: He is, but he says, like, entrepreneurship is, you know,
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: God's way.
• 7:05
  Speaker 5: Of doing things.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying when you think about it,
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: and he's like, you don't have to balance anything, that's
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: just who you are. I didn't have that conceal have you?
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: Always had that concept?
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: It was embedded in me watching my father all of
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: my life as an entrepreneur. He was a talent agent.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Oh so he was one of the first black travel
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: talent agents in Atlanta. So to see him build nothing
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: into something and to build all of these beautiful relationships
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: within the industry after to sad to all of it.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: He was the role model of doing something and doing well.
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: The other side of that is seeing the struggle of it,
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: to seeing the struggle and to go without and to
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: try to make the ends meet. That is the piece
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: that I'm afraid of in this for preeneurial space.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Because you're full You're not full time. You still have
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: a full time nine to five.
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: Yes, I have a nine to five virtual work from home.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: That's the blessing of that. And I also have Cindy
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: and Willie, so that's additional income as well. However, coming
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: out of a divorce in it just being me now,
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: it puts another layer of oh my gosh, I can't
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: afford not to do. I can't afford to spend the
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: extra money to tap into what I know I'm supposed
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: to be doing in this creative space. And then at
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: the same time can I afford to do what are
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: all of the resources going to be available to me?
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Who can I partner with and build the right relationships with,
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: Because what I've also learned in this space is everybody's motive.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: It is not right, It's not right. And if there
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: are money minded, that's not necessarily my goal. It is
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: about connected with the right people, building the right relationships.
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: And the money comes like you're looking forward to come
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: out of the window, it's coming through the Yeah. So
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: that's my fear of doing it right and doing it well,
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: and I'm afraid to succeed because I know that there's
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: gonna be another layer of responsibility that comes with that.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: Am I gonna get it right?
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: No? You're talking really good.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: And I think I can relate to you on that
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: because it's like you can. It's almost like when God
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: shows you the plan, right, and because he showed you
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: the plan, he trust you with the plan, which makes
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: you responsibility with what He's responsible for with what he's
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: giving you. Absolutely, and so I think that the stewardship part,
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: that's a child.
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: It is not to be taken lightly. When we look
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: at our social media platforms. If y'all ask me about
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: an algam or a rhythm, I can't tell you nothing.
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: I can't tell you anything about it. But what I
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: know was how intentional I was going to be about
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: coming into this platform and who I wanted to serve.
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: And it wasn't just about oh, showing up in pretty close.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: How dare I show you how to dress well but
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: not feed the soul?
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: So my four pillars coming into this were family, faith, fashion,
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: and femininity. I don't have to say nothing about faith.
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: It speaks. People will see your vibe and your energy
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: and this stay there's something Balian. Yeah, yeah, I don't
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: know what it is, but it's just so attractive, right,
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: that's how we pull them in with who he is
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: in our lives. So for him to trust me with
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: three different platforms, with over one hundred thousand people on
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: who does that? Why me? What do you want me
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: to do with this? How am I supposed to handle it?
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: What do you what do you really want me to do?
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: And help me get out of the way to do it.
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: So it is that piece that I struggle with. This
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: is what Brita want to do. This is how Britall
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: would really like for this to look. But then when
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: he pushes that, no, that's not what I want. Okay, bro,
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: say this can you can?
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: You?
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: Can you tell me? But then when he doesn't give
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: it to us moment, it's like, okay, you gave me this,
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: I don't what's the direction?
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: And it's that waiting season. It's that waiting season that's
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: just like.
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: Okay, what did your wait a season look like?
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: I'm in it now. I'm so in it now.
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: It is quiet, it is lonely, I could say. In
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: some cases it gets a little depressing because you want
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: an answer so you know how to move forward. But
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: I know that he's behind the scenes working get out.
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: I know he's putting the connections together. Yeah, and it's
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: not easy to sit still and just wait on.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Him, especially when you're the type of person that knows
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: how to get things correct.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: You were and Shaker absolutely.
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: Because, like you said earlier, you know how to build relationship. Absolutely.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: One of relationships we were.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Just talking about earlier, you guys, is a relationship with
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: David Shanon's and shout out to my mentor.
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: Hey Dave, Hey David. We didn't know.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: We just recently saw the podcast on me and so
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: super When I saw you girl, the joy of the
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: Lord that was on both of us, it was like,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I can't believe she remember. She was
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: like yes, like my god, so girl, thank you you've
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: been My confidence went from here to here. Okay, I
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: found out about you quite often. I love what you're doing,
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: and I love how you choose to show up.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: I love your authenticity. I love how you're creating space
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: for others. Everybody doesn't do that, everybody doesn't share in
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: this creative space, and I love the way you're doing it.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: I love it.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: I appreciate you so much. But and because ain't no bullet,
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna counsel out with the woman that's got.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: The reason why I brought David up is because you
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: just shared offline how you guys were, you know, start
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: building relationship and how you knew him. And I think
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: that relationship collateral. God got you to the place that
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: you wanted to be or where you are right now
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: and where you're going. And so I wonder what relationship
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: now is helping you, because I know you say it's
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: feels lonely, but there's got to be somebody that's keeping
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: you like sane, like a desert ray. Do you have
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: someone in that space or is God really like shifting
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: everything and everyone in this season for you?
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: He is shifting everything and everyone in the season, not
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: just from a professional standpoint, but even in my personal circles.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: From someone who has been married for over thirty years.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: Those intimate circles and relationships and couples, I've had that
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: for over thirty years. But because I'm in this single space,
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: that's a whole nother language. That's like talking a whole
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: nother tongue. Yeah right, I'm talking gibberish out here, because
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: it's just like ooh, child, Yeah, after thirty years and
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: you want me to be out here and say, ooh,
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: that's what does that look like? Yeah? So that's a
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: whole other space of I'm not necessary with my wives anymore.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: That's a lonely space.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: And then when it comes to my single friends, they're
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: not really my vibe in that single arena. So it's
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: just like, oh, what.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Does it make the single vibe that you're looking for?
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Like what would complete you in a single season? And
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: we're gonna get into that thirty years after thirty years
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: and done?
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, I don't I don't have an answer because I'm
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: still figuring it out. I'm figuring out this whole dating process,
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: whether it's going to be through a dating app, whether
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: it's going out into some of these places and spaces,
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: and when I go to them, I look at some
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: of the women in the first Traps and whatnot in Georgia, Like,
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: oh wow, it's I can't compete with that. I'm not
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: throwing all this around. It's like, okay, yeah, I'm good
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: on this.
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: So it limits the places that I go. And then
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: because I work from home, that's another factor that pulls
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: me out of the socializing out in public and then
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: being on these dating apps.
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: It's just like, oh, it's kind of ghetto.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: It's kind of ghetto it is.
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm still figuring it out. I would love
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: for someone that I know to connect me with other
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: people because I know that you know good people, right
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: all of my friends because a lot of our friends
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: are still the same. Nah, Britt, We're not getting in
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: the middle of that one yo, this sees the family.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: Y'all got to figure it out. I'm like, for real,
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: So y'all just tell me. And y'all know I come
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: from good stock, but no bridge. You know we all
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: want to so I deal with that too. So that
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: makes the path even lonelier on this single journey. Am
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: I excited about it? Absolutely? Do I have any regrets?
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: No?
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: Because I did it right the first time.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Okay, So let's just go ahead and get into it,
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: because thirty thirty plus years of marriage and there's not
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: none existing anymore.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: Like why, it was one of the toughest decisions I
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: ever had to make, And in making that choice, when
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: you see something that is drowning, you have to make
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: a decision to save yourself if you can't save it.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: And that was hard. That was hard, But I knew
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: if I didn't make a decision, I was not going
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: to be okay. I was going to lose me in
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: the process. This is what I will say about my ex,
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: and I will never speak that of him because he's
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: a great person. Yeah, he made some horrible choices. When
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: people hurt, hurt people hurt people, and when it goes
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: from unintentional to intentional, that makes the difference. I was
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: fighting for something that I couldn't fight for by myself,
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: and in losing him, I was losing me. So I
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: had to save me in the process. I did not
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: want that to be my ultimate end. However, in some
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: of the decisions that he made, I wasn't given a choice.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: So because he is the father of my son and
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: the grandfather to our grandchildren, I love him and I
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: will not wish anything bad on him. We have a
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: very good relationship. If I have any issues with Willie, hey,
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: I need your help.
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: Can you come?
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: He's there on a heartbeat, he cuts his hair. So
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: we still continue to have a very good relationship. But
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: when it came to marriage, we did it well for
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: so long. Oh I can say that I have experienced
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: what it looks like to be loved well. But when
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: your partner can't give you what they're not even willing
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: to give themselves, then there's a problem. I can't you
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: can't give me what you're not giving you. But this
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: is what I need in this season. So it took
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: me about five years to finally make that decision. And
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: it's almost as if I were mourning the relationship before
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: it ended. It's almost like watching somebody on life support. Yeah,
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: just come back, Oh please just come back. You pray,
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: you cover, you throw the blood of Jesus on them,
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: and then when it still doesn't come out the way
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: you desire, what do you do? You stand, you pray,
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: you fast, Then what do you do? Okay, God, you're
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: a will, not my will. Now when you say that, yeah,
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: be ready for the answer, because when you get it
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: and it doesn't feel good.
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: I was like, is this are you sure?
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: No, this is not I don't think this. I invested
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: too much in this. Yeah, thirty years, Nick gro are
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: you kidding?
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: This was my best work, this job I ever had
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: had come on after thirty years, Jesus. And then when
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: he asks you this simple question, are you gonna trust
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: me or not? And then I say, well, why me?
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: Why do I have to go through this? And then
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: he turns around and says why not? Okay, now, okay,
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: Like what.
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: Do you do?
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: What do you do with that? But when you lean
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: into it, as uncomfortable as it is to see me
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: now out of the marriage, out of the last two
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: or three years of my marriage.
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: Man, I'm all right, Yeah, I'm all right.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: I'm not bitter.
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: I'm not angry.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: What he did before, he'll do it again. That's how
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: much he loves me. So I'm okay. It was a
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: good decision. It was an uncomfortable decision, but a good decision.
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: You you different? You different?
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: Before I get into you being different, Yes, I'm curious
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: to know the timeframe of the correlation.
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: Betwe when you becoming this.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Sensation via social media and the adjustment to the marriage.
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: Did they correlate on time?
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: Was it found a new level of companies because from
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: my understanding, you've always been comforting. Your parents instilled that
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: in you, so there's never been a problem. Big girl, no,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: small girl, whatever, girl I was being a crazy that
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: was there, correct, But there seemed like a new level
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: of it because the responsibility was different.
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: The way you were showing up was different.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Now I have the not only him loving me, but
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: I have the world loving me. Did that play a
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: part in the adjustment of the relationship.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: It all kind of happened at the same time. So
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: I would say yes, because even as my social media
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: presence grew, that was also another piece in the relationship
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: to where it could become. When you're in a partnership,
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: your partner can see that as a what's the word
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: I'm looking for? Not attack or no, it is a
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: Instead of us being on the same team, it made
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: it competition. Thank you, that's the word I was looking for.
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: It became a competition for my spouse. You don't have
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: to compete with them, they're in the house. They don't
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: even matter. But what I do know is that I
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: know that this is a part of the calling and
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: what it is that we could honestly do together in
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: this space, because we could actually take what we have
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: gone through to help so many other people and help
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: them come out and be transparent about what it is
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: that we actually went through. Both people have to be
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: at the table in order for that to happen, and
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: if the other party wasn't ready to do something like that,
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: I get it, But I'm not gonna stop doing what
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: I'm doing because I know I'm supposed to do this
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: and I would love the love and support along the way.
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: But when it looks like a competition, I can't support
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: you in a competition. So that's where that's where that
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: kind of took a role in the relationship as well.
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: And when there are so many people who are watching,
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: and also now you're just Internet famous, now you're that girl. No,
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: I'm still Britter.
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: Yes, it's still me.
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: That does not display who the person that I am.
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: My core values in my circles are solid. But when
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: you see that as an intimidation, I can't compete with that.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: It seems like he felt like he was losing you
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: in the midst of you finding yourself. Yes, so I'm
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: about to just have a transparent market at you. I'm
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: still single. I really want to be married, I really do.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: The fear I have with that is because I do
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: know what the Lord has called me to do. I
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: don't want anybody to feel like they're competing. I've been
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: called an alpha man, I mean an alpha woman, just
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: giving that energy like I don't need a man type thing,
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: and I really genuinely don't do that.
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: But I also know that that's part.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Of me is so I won't to say sensitive, but vulnerable.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I want to be protected, and I feel like part
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: of me, just a little part of me, fears that
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: fears that I won't find a man that doesn't feel
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: like this is a competition, like my growth isn't a competition.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: And so how I heard you say that you're willing
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: to date like you do? How do I date?
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: How do you not punish yourself for experiencing that portion
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: of the marriage and want to wanting to find love again?
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: Okay, so let's unfold a little bit of everything that
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: you've just said. The most important thing that you said
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: that I'm not going to agree with is is that
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: you want to find someone that you don't have to
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: compete with and who will let you be in this
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: for lack of better word, soft girl error one. You're
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: not gonna find nobody. The Bible says a man that
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: finds out the wife finding the good thing. So he's
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: going to find you. And I even believe with you
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: that even in this season, he's preparing him for you
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: as you're doing the work for yourself. There's nothing like
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: I think most men don't get that. There's nothing like
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: being able to take off our wonder woman or superwoman
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: cape and just be that girly girl that cries over
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: the little things like I can't move that, can you
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: please take the cabo or me right and just look
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: at our God knowing not gonna did there, but just
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: to look at you like, oh my God, you're so
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: I could not have done this without you. That's that's
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: the innocent girls in us that we want that guy.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: But what they sometimes translated and see as oh so
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: you just did that to make me feel like I
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: was out with somebody. No, you are somebody. So it
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: is that balance. But my prayer is that he is
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: making that way in that person for you. What I
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: know about God is this, he knows the desires of
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: our heart. If he gave me something for thirty years,
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: as sweet as it was during the good, bad and
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: the ugly, I know he'll do it again. I know
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: that I will be able to be in my soft
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: girl era even though I am very much at alpha woman.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: He is carving a way for me in that person's space.
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: Is it hard? Absolutely? Because I tend to see a
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: lot of men these days, and this is just my
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: small opinion, who are really walking in their feminine energy.
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: And that's because a lot of women have given them
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: the opportunity to be in that space. So that kind
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: of competition, that's something to deal with as well. Does
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: that mean I'm going to shift my standards. No, what
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: you see is what you get. Yeah, so if you
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: don't like it, you can't ever say you didn't see
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: it for what it was. So don't stop being you.
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: Your confidence is one of the most attractive things a
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: man will look for. And if you can hold your
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: own ny can sit back and just be like, yo,
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: that's me, that one right there, she's me. They love that.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: But then when they go to a space of feeling
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: a lack of confidence, whether it is in the provision
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: being able to provide or to be able to cover
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: their household, and in their lack of that's when they
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: see you as a threat because it turns into so
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: you can do this without me, like for real, for real, don't.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: If I got to, I will, but I don't want to.
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: Still a great team. But they come into their own fears.
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: But what they don't do they don't have conversations like
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: this men if they ever have the opportunity to sit
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: at the table and have transparent conversations with each other
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: without looking like this information will be used against me
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: or I'm gonna be judged or man, these men got
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: it better than they don't want to be vulnerable in
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: these spaces. We will be the first one to say
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: it says I ain't got it. Yeah, I don't know
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: how to do it, but if you show me, I
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: could so back into it. If you show me and
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: teach me, we are vulnerable to the Hey, this is
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: the lend I got together and can come up with
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: some cotton. Let's do it. Yeah that's not them, and
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: that's the unfortunate spaces when it comes to marriage. But
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: I think in between different podcasts and in between different opportunities,
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: they can create those spaces for themselves.
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: So I don't want you to change who you are
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: and how you're moving, not unless God is making those shifts. Yeah,
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: listen to that. Trust him. I don't know how old
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: you are, but he ain't never left your Norman. Listen,
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: and he's and he's doing his good workm me, Hello,
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: he's doing good work.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: No, I'm so glad.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: I appreciate the poor I think I'm through therapy and
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: just like navigating and just being vulna because that was
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: one point where I wouldn't say that, Like, I just wouldn't.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: I honestly wouldn't say that because you know, I would
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: deem it embarrassing. I would deem it all right, does
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: a great well tissue at just give it to me
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: because I feel I feel like onions are in my
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: face right now.
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: I would deem that part embarrassing because I've tried so hard,
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: so because I've experienced the voice as.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: A child, I.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: Try to set myself up to be like, oh, I
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: wouldn't you know, I don't want to ever get a
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: divorce or I don't want to be her, you know
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I just I just know what the
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: experienced from like a child's perspective is.
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: And I'm just like, I don't know.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: I feel like I've adjusted myself or demean myself in
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: spaces where I shouldn't have demeaned myself, meaning like I
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: wasn't me, meaning like I wasn't Jessica and I was
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: changing alter to try to keep a man.
• 29:03
  Speaker 5: I would I would do that. This is me and
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: you right now. You know what I'm saying.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: Something y'all can be the this me and you. I
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: would alter myself into being the woman that.
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: They desired.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And in most cases, I lost myself every time.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: And so this time I'm almost fearful of stepping into
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: another relationship because it's like, dang, I won't.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: Won't.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Can somebody just accept your girl for who she is?
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: Okay? But if you want them to accept you for
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: who she is, you have to show them who you are, because,
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: just like you said to me, you've given them a
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: different version of who you are. So who are you
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: really and who are you willing to share? This is
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: what I have learned in relationship. You will only get
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: out of it what you put into it. So if
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: I choose to go into it with my fist tight
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: and nothing can barely get in there. That's what you're
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: gonna get now. If I choose to be vulnerable enough
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: to stay open to whatever comes, good, bad or ugly,
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: you'll still get the same version of me. And this
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: is what you keep doing, you in and out with
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: what you want to give. This is the Jessica that
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: I know, and it's gonna come from hurt with it
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: in that vulnerable space. But is it worth it? What
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: I will say for me, even after thirty years, was
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: it worth it? It's still worth it. I saw my
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: parents go through divorce. But what I will say about
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: my parents, they made everything look sweet. They made some
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: of the worst stuff in our lives look sweet. When
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: my parents got divorced, my mother moved across the street,
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: across the street, across the street, brouh. My father still
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: had a key to her house, she had a key
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: to his. My God, when you were the most functioning,
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: dysfunctional family you would have ever seen. And up until
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: my mother passed in twenty nineteen, my parents still lived
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: within a five block radius or five mile radius of
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: each other all of my life. They weren't good as
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: husband and wife, but they made it work. As parents,
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: they always saw it as the glass half full instead
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: of half empty. So based on what you saw in divorce,
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: if it was not a good picture, you still get
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: to create what you would want it to be in
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: your own life. You don't have to be what you were.
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: You don't have to be what you went through. You
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: have a choice to create a whole new picture in
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: the canvas. But I think that holds you hostage on
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: being who you really are and how you choose to
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: show up in the world. If somebody else is going
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: to accept it, they will, and if they don't, somebody will.
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: They will find you. Your person will find you. You
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: don't have to adjust like that. Oh my gosh. I
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: want to be ready for this. For well, lord, if
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: I lose about seven more pounds or yea like big girls, okay,
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: and if you don't, somebody will. This is a heavyweight.
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: Everybody can't handle me on they can't handle me.
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: So the one that's being prepared you can handle the
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: weight literally and figuratively. They lad.
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: Please handle me.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: I'm ready.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: You have to look at it, Yes, you have to.
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: You know, it's there's always a silver lining into it.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: You put your spin on your joy and what it
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: is that you bring to it. You have a lot
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: to offer and you don't have to alter that for
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: one person. You're enough for and all of your imperfections
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: you're enough at one time for.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I did not know that was gonna
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: go there. But it's just we've been talking on and
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: all cameras. I just feel like people. I don't think
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: I'm the only one that you know, experiences that. And
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: I feel like when people see you or see like
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: what you're doing, they can misconstrue its like, oh, she
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: got it going on in every area of aspect of life,
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: and I still got it going on, you know what
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: I'm saying. But I also those are those are things.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: There's one thing that you know deal with and not
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: like that you brought that up. So I'm grateful and
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: I receive the poor.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: So I need you to be intentional about what it
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: is that you're asking God for in it too.
• 33:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Right.
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: We are so busy thinking about what it is that
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: we want in a significant other from a materialistic standpoint
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: or from a physical standpoint, but when it comes to
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: the spiritual makeup of a man and what it is
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: that you are desiring and needing. I often think about
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: Sierra and she was very intentional about what it is
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: that she was looking for and wanting in a spouse
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: and a father to her children. And she Be intentional
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: about what you're putting into the atmosphere, Be intentional about
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: what it is that you're asking for, and you don't
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: have to put a limit on it, and you don't
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: have to settle. He will give you those things. There's
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: nothing like having a partner as strong as I am,
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: or as we are as alfa women, to have someone
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: who helps you be better. Yeah, to have someone who
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: wants to see the best out of you and willing
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: to do the work with you. That is what couples
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: are about. But I think even at this season or
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: age that we are in, some people look at it
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: as Okay, maybe you've hit your ceiling, maybe there's no
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: more growing. Always have room to grow to whatever that
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: next thing is, you know, Pastor Carrie, doctor Carrie Bryant,
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: she listen that thing right there, She got what she asked,
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: She met her match right and all of this time
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: her being designed for her mate and all it is
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: that he went through publicly.
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and her.
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: Still being refined on the back end for him. Come on,
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: your person's out there, they're still doing the work.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: Yes, that's my amen.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, let's let's get off this because Desiree funna get
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: on my nerth No, but we can touch on this
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: because you are the fashionist stuff right. Yes, and in
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: correlation on being intentional one of the things that I
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: have an opportunity with and Desirae and I have talked
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: about this. It's my clothes be jacked up. I have
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: my Okay, so I don't know my style. I don't
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: know my style and it might be so.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: Agree, don't agree like that?
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Agree, I'm very comfort Okay, before you start attacking me
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: with your logic, I'm very comfortable.
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: I like wearing my hoodies. I like, you know, athletic gear.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: I like the overside shirts, the hats, the cool I
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: like the cool girl vibe. I also like the batty
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: vibe where you know, I might pull out of soup.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: You know, I like that, you know, I just I
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: don't know if it sometime my feet hurting heels, it
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: just stresses me out. The whole idea fashion stressed me out.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: So for somebody like me, where do I start because
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: that's stressful.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: You're overthinking all of it. You can be that battye
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: sneaker girl, you can. But what you also have to
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: do is you have to start dressing for where you
• 36:36
  Speaker 4: want to grow, not for where you are, for where
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: you want to grow. Who you want to see you,
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: who your audience will be. Who do you want to attract? Right,
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: You're not just attracting your age. If you get your age,
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: and that means that you can get them, and you
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: can get their mama and bring their grandmother to the table. Yeah,
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: it's about generational wealth, right, Yeah, instead of taking the porch,
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: get the whole house. So women who are my age
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: are not necessarily going to be attracted to this. However,
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: when you put a spin or a cute flare skirt
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: with your little sneakers in your so and south, I
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: can dig that. That's cute enough. It's not even about
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: heels for me anymore. It's about cute and comfort.
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: Now, the way you are showing up in this world,
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: there's no way that I'm going to I'm not gonna
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: attack you.
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: No, you're not taking you're helping me.
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: Because let's let's go ahead and talk about she got
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: she got me together when we was at the podcast
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: like me because she looked at me and what I had.
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: On it was it wasn't like all the par or whatever.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: I'm going through the weight transition and uh, I just
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: didn't invest in the clothes.
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: I just didn't. I was like, whatever, if.
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: You know what you didn't do for me? You didn't
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: invest in the confidence because you you looked like, okay,
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: you know what it is, what it is whatever, Okay,
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: that's what I got right, and that's what it gave.
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: You came for me there, So it's not we just
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: making the public. And I appreciate you for loving me
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: enough to say, Jessica, you're better than this.
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: That's what I heard. I was not offended.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: I know this is the area where my grace is
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: kind of limited.
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: I need other folks grace.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, because I grew my daddy
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: raised me like and I'm not saying he had had
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: us out here looking like.
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: No, but that's where you're masculine energy.
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: So, but I'm not going to be the person to
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: say something but not also offer the help to do it.
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: And I said or say, last I got you. Let's
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: figure this thing out. You just recently came back from Texas.
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: You went to speak where pivot Yeah, Pivot conference. Okay,
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: shout out to Danielle. I saw every snippet. I had
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: to watch it without watching you because I'm a visual person,
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: So my first my first eye is gonna go to
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: the esthetics, Right, That's what I did first. But then
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: I put my phone down and I listen to what
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: you were saying and how powerful and impactful it was.
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: People who are on social media now they'll see it
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: before they hear it, So I want that to match.
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: So you'll they'll you'll have them at hello when they
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: see you. And now I'm definitely tuning into what it
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: is that you're saying. So we are going to work
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: on that because I want you to show up on
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: these stages in such a place where you're comfortable and
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: not a place of Okay, I just did what I could.
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: Keep it pushing. Yeah, I don't want that energy on
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: you anymore because it shows up across the screen and
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: you can't take it back. Yeah, it's almost like saying
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: something you'll regret. It's almost like wearing something you'll regret.
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: You go, child, it'll go down in history. Yeah, it'll
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: go down in history. So twenty twenty six, we're gonna
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: help you pivot. Yeah, shift in your attire.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: I love it, and I'm excited because I desperately need
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: help in the area and I'm gonna lose weight to
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: the hills, bring the boys, and you're going to be comfortable.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: You're happy where you are because I don't care how
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: much you way. You are still fearfully and wonderfully made.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: Ma'am yo, I am, I am, and embrace that.
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: Okay, So when I invited her here, I did not
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: know that I was I.
• 40:26
  Speaker 4: Was gonna be the subject matter.
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: But I am put I tell y'all say, I'll crucify
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: myself so we could get helped. So logically, speaking to
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: something like if you were talking to me, when we
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: do start talking, let's just have this conversation. Where do
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: we start Like do we start with colors? Do we
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: start with like what's comfortable for me? Like what does
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: that look like? When if you were talking to somebody
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: that's trying to find their their identity in fashion, we
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: have to tap.
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: Into who they are, whose they are, and how they
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: really want to show up in the world. You know,
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: your sin of style. It is yours. Nobody can take
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: that from you. It really is a matter of refining
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: and showing you how to think outside of the box.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: There are some things that we put limits on or
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: whether it's colors, shapes, lengths, sizes, you can still do it.
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: Just have to look at it from a different lens.
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: And that's what we need help doing. Just singing it differently.
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: That's it. Because your hair is beautiful, your frames to
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: die for. It's about making it all mesh and making
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: it all sing together. That's it. Once you get once
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: you get here, because this is what they see. Yeah,
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: that's bam. This is all I gotta give you downstairs?
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: Oh girl, what is you doing? Okay? All right, that's
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: when we start, got it? Oh yeah, we just have
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: to finish the song. That's it.
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Oh I liked it.
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: Finish the song. So right now I'm an incomplete song. Yes,
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: I got a hook.
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: You gotta a hook. But when you're lean into that
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: first verse, baby, right right, it all comes together. You
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: love I love it, and I just got the hook.
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: At least, at least I got the hook at least,
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: because you don't.
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: My hair is the hook.
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: Is your hair.
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: My hair is the hook. So it was long.
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't ever get to change this color. No,
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: everybody can't do it. And when I tell you you
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: do it, well, it's nasty. It's nasty work you hear me.
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: I love it, you love it.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: I'm most confident about my hair, like most confident about
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: my hair. And I was like, if I'm not confident
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: about anything else, it's my hair. This red is I
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: love the red, and so I say that's my fashion.
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: So how do you feel about these hips and thighs?
• 42:48
  Speaker 5: So the hips ain't Oh no they're not. I've tried it.
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: They're just not gonna go.
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: You realize you have a great set.
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: I'm just saying, thank you. It's a waste. It's the waist.
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: So when I was, when I was smaller than what
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: I was, I am now the waste, the waste was snatched.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: She was you was holding all like this. She was
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: like this. I know on the audio you might not
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: see it, but just hold your hands together.
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: But look like, oh hear me, all right, but i'ma
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: be honest. That was depression weight.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize I was depressed, and so I was
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: able to lose that weight because I wasn't really eating
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: and stuff like that, and so.
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: And then I also gain weight because of depression, so
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: it can go either way.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: Way mean, but I'm trying to take control over my weight.
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: But that waist though I needed because I do have
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: so many hips. I can't be like, can't breathing, and
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: then my hips already bringing boards to the yard. I
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: can't breathe right here. So I'm really like waste focused
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: and like firm. I think I'm okay with my size.
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: I guess, but I guess just because I just want
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: everything that just makes sense. And right now it's like.
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: While you're on this health journey finding it, we create it.
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: We create what we want until we get it.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: Do I buy a lot of clothes now though knowing
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: that I'm intentionally losing weight because that financially, that don't
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: make sense to me.
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense financially, but it all depends on
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: the pieces. So for me, I purchase things that can
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: go up and go down with me. So fabrics are important.
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: So no matter if I lose or if I gain,
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: it still looks good. So that also gets a little
• 44:36
  Speaker 4: frustrating in this weight loss process because it has the
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: right stretch. I may still be in the same size,
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: but I just lost three inches here and four inches there. Yeah,
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: I'm like, God, my sizing didn't change. Don't ever really
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: get stuck on the size. Focus on the fit.
• 44:50
  Speaker 5: So what's the fabric that looks like that that goes
• 44:53
  Speaker 5: with you? Like what type of fabry.
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: It has to have a little bit of like five
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: percent of span dex in it, It has some stretch
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: in it. It can always work your satins that have no
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: stretch whatsoever. They and everybody's ministry. So you have to
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: be mindful of those things. But you also stated that
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: you like big and baggy. But how do you make
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: big and baggy looks feminine? Whether it's the wide belts
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: that that the rat belts or the wide ones that
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: have the spandex in the back that will bring you in.
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: You have to create what you don't have. So if
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: you don't have the waistline, you created Okay.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: So I can give you two examples of what I
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: mean by like big and baggy.
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: Oka.
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: For one, everybody know Tabitha Brown, Yeah, she so one.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: I didn't think you could look cute and flat like
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: she wouldn't. I've never seen her in the hill, so
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: like she wears the suits or whatever. As I'm not
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: as colorful as she is, but I appreciate like the
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: different pieces. One day she's like, she'll wear a hoodie
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: but still like look feminine or whatever.
• 45:52
  Speaker 5: She'll be cool. But another person I really like that.
• 45:55
  Speaker 5: I'm surprised.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: I like it's Jackie Hill Pierry. I don't know, okay,
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: so I'm gonna have to sing you her stuff. She's
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: so cool, Like she'll wear some stuff and I'm like, man,
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: I didn't know they went together.
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: And now that I think about it. Also, what's her name?
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: Megan Ashley? So she would be I love her style.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: She might pull all hell along, but I haven't seen
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: her wear a lot of heels lately. I liked how
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: she had some of her pictures. She had those big suits,
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: but she's still that girl like kind of like and drogy.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: This kind of style.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what that mean, but yeline, yes,
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: and and having them meat nicely.
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, then that comes in with your chunky heels because
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: I can't stand up in hills anymore because I have
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: a bad knee. Right. But if it all depends on
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: the base of it. If it has a nice base,
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: I'm good. It doesn't even have to be hot. This
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: is still a Kitting Hill season, right, so you don't
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: have to be a helly girl.
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: You don't.
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: I keep hearing you say that as if it's a mandate.
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: Why is that?
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: I guess it's my ideal with feminin it looks like
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: because cause honestly, I'm still learning with feminine. Like I
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: put let me tell you, I put perfume on today.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: I've been putting on perfume. Shout out to my pastor,
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: Pastor Kareem Gardner. She is into like the sense and
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: all that stuff like that, and she's trying.
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: To teach me.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: It's just taking a minute because I don't know what
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: I'm doing. But I just I just bray stuff like
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: I just spend spray and stuff.
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: Because I want to be more feminine, I really do.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: I don't want to come off as so masculine it
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: I can't be approached. So I'm trying to at least
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: let me try to smell good, or let me try
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: to put effort in, like putting something on, because I'll
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: come to church.
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: I ain't gonna lie to put a T shirt.
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: It's jeans on collar today and I worshiped, I'll worship you,
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: and we'll speaking to I can do all that, but
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: I'm really trying to put effort in it, and I'm
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: trying to do the smells. You probably don't smell me
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: right now because I probably did it wrong. Like it's
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: probably wrong. It's it stresses me out. But it also
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: goes back to I was not raised by my mother.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: I was raised by my father, and he did not
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: teach us this though.
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: I don't know what he means. I don't know what
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: femininity looks like for me, yet I'm learning it.
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: You are, and it really comes with peeling back the
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: layers of who you are. You are so much of
• 48:16
  Speaker 4: your dad that that's kind of what comes across. But
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: as you find your sweet spots, as you find out.
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: Have you ever seen the movie The Runaway Bride.
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: I've heard of that.
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: There was one part in this movie where he was
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: asking her what kind of eggs she likes. She had
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: no idea what kind of eggs she likes, whether it's
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: post boiled, fried, scrambled, whatever, but she had to try
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: all of them to figure out what works for her.
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: So this is going to be a trial and era
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: season were you you might like wood, he says, that's
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: not my ministry. I'm more of a floral and sweet.
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: But it's not until you spread them all or find
• 49:01
  Speaker 4: the right mix, or you may have to mix the
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: two of different works, you're gonna find it. But because
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: it creates so much anxiety for you, you're gonna miss the
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: lessons in the moment.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's fair, and it's accurate because it does give
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: me exiitty, yes, yeah, real big.
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: So you have to embrace it and just breathe, sit
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: in it, and you're gonna find what works for you
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: and stop overthinking. Oh okay, if I find it, or
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: they're gonna like it. If you like it, they're gonna
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: love it.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: I can't smell me though, I can't smell Did you
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: smell me when I came here?
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: Does?
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: No?
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: You ain't smell me?
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: But then you have to. I don't know it works
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: well in some sense, they don't stay with you. You gotta
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: find the right ones. And that's that goes into more
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: pricier items or things that hold a smell.
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: I don't know what brand you're.
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: How do I know how many? What you call them?
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: Per pheromones. Fair, what is it called that you gotta?
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: People got different pheromones?
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 50:00
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: Well, I guess your your natural thing, your body seeing
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: and how I don't know what it's chemistring.
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: So I was like, man, I must have some strong body.
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: See that's my logic.
• 50:15
  Speaker 5: Like, that's my logic. Y'all don't know what else to
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: do with that.
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: Okay. So I'm not a mixed ologist. Yeah, that's not
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: my ministry. But I'm very picky when it comes to
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: sense two. And even when I think I can't smell
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: it or I know I can't smell it, but when
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: somebody else does, I.
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: Was like, you still smell that. He's like, oh my god,
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: you smell Okay, thanks. So your body gives off different
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: hormones as well. But I will also say that even
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: as you're growing in this space of tapping into your femininity,
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: there are certain hormones that have not even been released
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: for you yet.
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: Okay. That's a point. That's a that's a point I
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: never considered.
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: Yes, So there's that that energy that's on the inside
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: that once you start to explore you more and you
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: you give yourself permission in certain places and spaces and things.
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: There's there are things that open up on me inside.
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: It's like, oh, that's a new sent on me. Yeah,
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: so it's it's gonna happen. I didn't deliriate.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: I really didn't know that this was gonna be a
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: I loved it a session.
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: Well, this is what we do.
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: I have a I have a hot question though, before
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: we wrap this up, because I can talk to you
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: all day, which I am gonna talk to you all day,
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: like like.
• 51:33
  Speaker 5: You okay, okay, Twin, what have you been?
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: What I do know about you and your audience knows
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: about you, is that you've been married.
• 51:45
  Speaker 5: You still are a mother to Cindy Willie and tell
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: me his name again.
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: Had a son and four grandchildren.
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: You are a leader in your community. Yeah, you are
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: a leader in social media. You serve your community. You
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: have all these things going on. My question is who
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: takes care of the caretaker.
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: I'm not gonna say anybody nobody, because I get my
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: care in pockets. My dad does an amazing job tapping in.
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: My girlfriends they tap in. But I'm still the alpha
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: of our group, so I'm still the one that's Hey,
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: I keep my finger on the pulse of it all.
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: There are only a few people that I can lean
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: on only because our my girls have life. They they
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: I see what's going on with them. Nah, they can't
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: handle this one. I'm good. I'll figure it out. I
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: got it.
• 53:14
  Speaker 5: I got it.
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: I got it, I got it, I got it. That's
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: my middle name.
• 53:18
  Speaker 5: I got it. Is that you're deciding for them.
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: No when that when when they see me coming and
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: if i'm if there's a tear, they they spass, Oh
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: my gosh, what's wrong? Okay, what do you want me
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: to do? I don't know how to help, So they
• 53:36
  Speaker 4: get very It creates anxiety because I never really like that.
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: So when I do come, it's just like, oh my god,
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: how do we fix you? What can we do? That's
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: not the energy I need. I'm good. Yeahkay, I'm gonna
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: go back this way. I'm gonna figure it out. So
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: it really is a lot of it really is a
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: lot of me and the Lord. He is my keeper,
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: he's a fur he is my he's my all. And
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: even in those those vulnerable places, when I tell you
• 54:04
  Speaker 4: there's a difference in between being alone and being lonely
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: and I'm never I'm never alone. He keeps me. I mean,
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: even in the roughest of moments, I know what it
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: means to have perfect peace, to be in the middle
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: of the storm and to see the houses and the
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: tractors and everything flying around in the tsunami of it's
• 54:28
  Speaker 4: I know what it is to be still and to
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: still have peace. So I didn't answer your question. I
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: don't have a person. It would be good to have
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: it because I can. I can be heavy and know
• 54:45
  Speaker 4: that He positions people around me who can handle my
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: heavy weights. You can't handle all of it. I can
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: get it to this person, or peace to.
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: This person, but one person, that man, that would be amazing.
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: I'll be honest, does to raise my person. But I
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: had to learn that because I had to put myself
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: in a position where it's like, can she handle this?
• 55:07
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: She got tested real bad. She got tested real bad.
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: Why are you looking at me like this? Because she
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: and I was trying to figure out why this girl
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: being so vulnerable with me, why she letting me know this?
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: Like it was just certain things. I was like, who
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: tells somebody that like? And I guess she just trusted
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: the Holy Spirit in her and me because I was like,
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: I didn't know, because I was so afraid of being
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: like judged. And people have told me or in conversation,
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: and maybe they didn't mean it before, but sometimes that
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: stuff sticks with you, like why are you still going
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: through this? Why are you still dealing with this? She
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: never once said it to me, you know, so I
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: understand that, And but I also know that the Lord
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: has everybody has somebody.
• 55:54
  Speaker 5: We just have to know who that somebody is. And
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: so I was.
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: Curious, like, man, he's a caretaker. She's doing all this stuff,
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: like who is her person? Like how is she being
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: taken care of? Because you're you're definitely a jewel, Like
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: you're such you feel safe, like you are the epitome
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: of what safe space is. And for you to come
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: to this safe space to feel not only to feel safe,
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: but be safe enough to like teach us and teach
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: me and just pour into me and desert ray, it's
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: a complete honor. I mean, y'all, she's the real deal,
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: Like this ain't this, ain't fake. She's text me, she
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: has reached out, she is poured into me off side
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: this camera and to be able to experience you beyond
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: the social media platform.
• 56:47
  Speaker 5: It's such an honor. I love you.
• 56:50
  Speaker 4: I just love you so so much, and I'm glad
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: to hear what you and desi Ray have because my
• 56:58
  Speaker 4: desire is to have that myself. Even in this season.
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: I'm such the little girl right now because I'm in
• 57:07
  Speaker 4: the vulnerable place of social media. I don't know what
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: I'm doing. I'm figuring it out as I go, no
• 57:12
  Speaker 4: matter what people say and how they perceive it. Oh
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: my gosh, she just has it together. Hey, I don't.
• 57:18
  Speaker 4: I really don't, but I walk in that confidence of
• 57:24
  Speaker 4: God knows, and he sends me what I need when
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: I need it. Being in this place, I would love
• 57:31
  Speaker 4: to have someone that I can sit at their feet
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: and learn and be poured into. But then at the
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: same time, he keeps reminding me, I need you to
• 57:40
  Speaker 4: pour into your own cup. I've equipped you, right, that
• 57:44
  Speaker 4: doesn't always feel.
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: Like I know you.
• 57:46
  Speaker 4: Yes, somebody else do it. So I'm grateful for what
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: He's given me to be able to give to myself.
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: But I know he's positioning me around the right people. Yeah,
• 57:59
  Speaker 4: it's all about position and also me being willing to
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: say that I need help, Yeah, because you know we
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: will sit in the corner. Now, I'm gonna figure this out.
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: Just give me a minute. It's gonna take a little
• 58:09
  Speaker 4: bit longer. But here I am suffering in silence because
• 58:13
  Speaker 4: I don't want to ask the wrong question. And so
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: many other people have things on their plate, but you
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: never know what somebody is willing to do when you
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: ask for help. Yeah, So being more vulnerable to that, Yeah,
• 58:25
  Speaker 4: And that's being the little girl in the room.
• 58:28
  Speaker 5: That's so good, desiree, m it's baby.
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: I feel like we could just talk to her for
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: hours and now it's been so good. I think that
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: the the thing, the main overarching thing that I just
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: keep hearing is important, the importance of being authentically yourself.
• 58:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: Right, So, whether that's you're waiting on the manifestation of
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: your king or queen to come, whether it's you figuring
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: out your space and social media, whether it's you figuring
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: out your style, it's just important that one that we
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: surrender that space to.
• 59:08
  Speaker 5: The Lord and allow him to show us.
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: Because who better to ask and allowed to help lead
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: us in those spaces than the person that manufactured us.
• 59:16
  Speaker 5: Right. So that's the heart that I just keep hearing.
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: It's just the importance of authenticity, even even as as
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: in a space of waiting for your spouse, right, Like,
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: how how can we expect them to accept who we
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: are if we don't even really fully know who we
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: are ourselves. So really taking that time to you know,
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: date yourself, you know, try try different fragrances, try different
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: foods and things like that to see what it is
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: that you like and what you don't like.
• 59:42
  Speaker 5: So then when they show up to be like, hey,
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: I had I had, you know, tell somebody one time
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: I had. I got chin hairs. Yep, I got some
• 59:50
  Speaker 5: chin hails that I pluck off all the time. And
• 59:53
  Speaker 5: they just let me know it don't matter.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: I like your chin hairs and everything because I like
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: you as a person, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: So here's here's a funny part. I went on a date,
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 4: and I think about the third date at this point,
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: so we were having a very intense conversation about what
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: we desired in our person and potentially moving this to
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 4: the next level of a quote unquote courtship. I said, Okay, well,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 4: I got a couple of questions. I'm just gonna keep
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 4: it one hundred with you, I said, how do you
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: feel about me passing gas? That's real. I'm just I
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 4: don't I don't have time and different, Yeah, because I'm
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 4: not getting out the bed to go run to the
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: bathroom the past gas, So I'm gonna pass gas. How
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: do you feel about that? Because I have a cousin
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 4: who is literally only passed gas in front of her
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 4: husband one time after twenty thirty, somebody one time, Wow,
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 4: say what girl bye? That's not gonna be my ministry.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: And his response was, Okay, well cool, if you would,
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 4: if you cool, will be putting your head up under
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 4: the covers if I passed, We get it. That's what
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm talking about. Let's just go ahead and
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: keep it one hundred.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: Because everybody is so tippy toeyah on the dating thing.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 3: It's like, I'm gonna pass gas and I want to
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: have whole conversations while you're on the toilet while I'm
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: fixing the that's.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: That's Those are the things that people don't want to
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 4: talk about. I have a burp out of this world
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: that will embarrass any man as long as you can
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 4: deal with it. I want to embarrass you in public.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: But it's gonna happen. So it's it's those things I
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 4: want to talk about, the things that people break up over,
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 4: to make sure we're on the same page. All the
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: other cute stuff. We can figure that stuff out, right,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: So it's it's those things. My breath is gonna stink
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: when I wake up in the Yeah, it's those things
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: that turn people off. Have those conversations up front. That's
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 4: brou This is it this. I know how to adapt
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: to where the environment is. I am a thermostatic. Yeah,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: I adjust the rooms. They got to adjust to me.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: It seemed like the voice women date differently, like I
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: would have never thought, say hey, are you okay with
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: me passing? Like I would have Now I'm now I
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: got a different question ab not holding my gas like
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: like that's a big deal because for some men turn
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: like yo, for real, that's what you're getting down.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 5: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, you passed gas. Yeah yeah,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 5: that's that's that's all weird. This is weird, Like through
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 5: this you passed gas.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, things will only be as uncomfortable as you make it.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's good, So why not have the uncomfortable conversation? Yeah,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: I need to add that to my line of a
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: fan do you pass gas?
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 5: Do you mind me past gas? If you do this,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 5: thing gonna work out.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: I thought, that's the kind of stuff when you talk
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: about a list. I had a list, but it wasn't
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: super extensive, right, It was a few.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 5: It was to be attracted to you.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: But most of the things on there were character and
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: spiritual things, right, And I almost I was trying. I
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: almost negotiated the number one part on there, which was
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 3: a relationship with the Lord.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 5: I was really asking the Lord because I was meeting guys.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 3: I was like, dang, Lord, like, it is somebody idea
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: that that has an authentic relationship with you. I ain't
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: talking about you got to you go to church every day,
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: but I'm saying, like they have a relationship.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 5: I was like, I just put it down like number two,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 5: a number three.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: He's like, no, well, let me ask you a question.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 4: How do you feel about how do you feel about
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: the one who was not there? And he wants you
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 4: to lead them to him? I was open, okay, but.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 5: She ain't got to do that no more. She she
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 5: solid as a rock. You hear me as a rock?
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 5: My girl take it very so she's straight. The Lord
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 5: she's straight got the hold.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 4: Lo wait.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, ain't wait no more.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 4: This is the disclaimer. If he's blessing your neighbor, that
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 4: means he's in the neighborhood. In the neighborhood, he's in
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 4: the cold.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: To second what I'm saying, yeah, right, So that's what
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: I the word I'm holding on to.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 5: I'll tell you this I told and I thank God.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 3: This is the importance of having somebody like Desiree is
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: that she holds me to my word and my commitments.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 3: And I made a commitment to the Lord in June
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: July that I would not date for a year. I
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: would date him because I kept finding myself altering myself.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: But I want to alter myself into what God has
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 3: given me. Not to say I won't talk to people whatever,
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 3: but like just full out day, Oh you my man,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: like no man, no men, no man, Jesus, my man,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 3: like Jesus. And so there was a situation that came
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 3: up and I started getting the butterflies and all this stuff,
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: and she said, but what you had told the Lord,
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 3: And I was like, but that's not what I'm saying.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 3: But the sound of what I was saying was correlating
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: what against what I said, and so she's been holding
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: me fast into what I committed myself too, because I
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: don't want to keep going through the same thing.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 4: So I think that we all know that we all
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 4: serber jealous God, and I was one of the things
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 4: that he had to show me that and my husband,
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 4: my ex husband's hurt. I was so busy chasing him
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 4: that I stopped chasing after the Lord right And then
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 4: when he finally said to me, he says, give me
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 4: what you're giving him right now. I was like, oh
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 4: my god, you keep chasing him. And he turned his bag,
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 4: He's walking away. I'm right here, I'm right now. I
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 4: was like, Okay, I get it.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 5: I get it.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 4: When I tell you, it was one of the best
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: intimate times that I had or I have with him
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 4: that the person who never leaves me or forsakes me
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 4: chases me like that on a constant and the least
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 4: I could do is reciprocate it. When you get lost
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 4: in that, My pastor always says, the next person that's
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: gonna find you, he's gonna have to find you in him.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 5: Say less yeah, say less yeah.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: That's where you can meet me.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: Yea.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: And when you tap into that and you start to
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 4: stimulate that in me.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 3: Listen, Britta, this saint your last time comes up. Yeah,
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 3: like she gotta come back right, that's alright to any
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 3: time my name, I'll be that period because the folks
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: want to know what my dress code gonna look like
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 3: because you were about.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 4: To get it. That's the whole thing that we can do, right, that's.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: The brital and Justica show what it was. Whatever we're
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: gonna do, Yes, that's gonna be real good. I can't
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: wait to gotta come to Atlanta though, because you know
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 3: in Birmingham we got some stuff with Atlanta always have.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 5: The updated true but you just gotta know where to
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 5: look for it. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna turn a corner to what I can say.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am, yes man, we gotta figure out our size
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 3: is too. But traditionally, uh, we allow our guests to
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: have a final say so. And I know there was
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 3: a a plethora of things that we went over. I
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: also know that because you're a woman's god, you can
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 3: hear the different things and you might have come with
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 3: something on your heart to just release. This is your time,
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: So final words from our beautiful gifts. Britta, I want
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: to give you the opportunity to leave us with your heart.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 4: So my final words are not going to just be
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 4: for you, they are truly for me, and that is
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 4: don't fail in fear. This is a season where we
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 4: cannot afford to fail. So as difficult as it may be,
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 4: sometimes do it in fear and your faith will stand
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 4: above the fear. You just got to do it. We
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 4: have work to do. There's a responsibility that comes with
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 4: our purpose and our passion. And as fearful as I was,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 4: and stepping into some of the new that is coming.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 4: Even doing this today is putting that at ease and
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 4: what you need, he'll send it. He'll put it directly
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: on your path. If you have to position yourself to
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 4: recognize it, you have to recognize it when it comes.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 4: So don't fail in fear.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: Don't fail in fear. So, Gredda, I'm so grateful for you.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 5: Thank you. Locked in ain't now and no switching up.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 4: Thank you. I don't take lightly the invitation because everybody
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 4: is not invited, so to have had the invitation extended
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 4: was an honor. Then I don't take it lightly. So
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 4: thank you for having me.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 5: You just you just made me feel so important.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, oh my god, you are you are?
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, Well I appreciate you. Listen if y'all
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: watch this thoroughly, y'all, y'all go ahead. We're gonna make
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 3: sure we collab with you on YouTube so they can
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 3: know where to find you, because we got some big
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: things popping soon, big things popping soon, and so make
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 3: sure you're following Rita on her on her platforms to
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 3: stay updated. We're gonna be letting it y'all know about
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 3: my clothing situation. We're gonna we're gonna take you through
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 3: the journey. Okay, So again, thank you, does a ray.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 5: I love your girl.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 3: I love you too, you your dad, your amen corner
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 3: was a little bit strong.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 4: Jesus.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: All right, good good, Thank you'all for tuning in, and
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 3: remember until next week. Until next time, life could be
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 3: much more simple if you just ask, oh, thank you for.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 5: Tuning in to this week's episode.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: Since you've made it this far, you might as well
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: connect with us on all social media.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 5: Platforms at the Jessica S. Smith.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always thank.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: Thank God for one another day. Hey, I know we
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for another day.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: Hey.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: Hey, I'm just thankful another day. Hey Hey another day, Oh,
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: another day wise, another day to get it right, another
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: day to rise up, another day living, another day.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: We loved ones.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: I always remember hold it down for a ball, one
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: ye