Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / CROWD WORK PACK_ Detroit

Transcript

CROWD WORK PACK_ Detroit · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: With that said, turn on the lights and let's start
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: this shit up. Turn all the lights upstairs too. I'm
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: talking about all the lights, like a garage sale. It
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: should look like the show over. Turn all the lights up.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Before I start, for good luck, Please let me rub
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: that motherfucker head you got on.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: I'll stand outside.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: What you got on your head?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Goddamn.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: My hand look like I've been flipping bacon. That's how
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: you got to flip bacon. You can't hang on to
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: it long.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: All right, don't know why people try that. Now, let
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: me get the fuck on people. Sir, I think we
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: should talk. I don't know what you are, but I
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: would love to find out. What's your ethnicity?
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Afghan.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Afghan.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, like the rug. And the dog, I be watching
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: the dog. The dog, so you from Afghanistan. Your parents are,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: so you from Detroit.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Where you from? Ann Arbor?
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's up there with the university, that's what's up.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And so you was up there, you went to school
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: out there? What's your major? Environmental what? Environmental policies? Do
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: you use your major? You don't use it? What do
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: you do for a living? Computer security?
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: For who?
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: No, what's your check say in the top middle when
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: you get paid? It says University of Michigan? You work
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: for the school? How long you been working there? 25 years?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Give me $ 300. I'm not playing, I need you to
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: send it to me with your little computer degree, send
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: it over. Now where your girl at, you by yourself?
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: What?
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: In the front fucking row? Do you want me to
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: get you somebody? I got to make sure we find
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: you somebody that's.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Right for you though. Let's do it fast, what do
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: you like?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: What kind of woman, what nationality, ethnicity do you have
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: an affinity towards? You don't even give a fuck. As
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: long as she's the bomb. Y'all laughing, but if that
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: run out of here right now, I bet half this
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: goddamn theater clear out.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: We got to get the fuck up out of here.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: That bitch will leave her bun. Fuck that. We got
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: to go. Hell no. The Afghani ran. I'm running. You
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: took your glasses off trying to be sexy? Hold on.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: All right. Turn the camera off, but keep it on them.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Put my logo back up there.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: All right. What's your name? Oz, what's that short for? Osman?
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: One more time. Osmot.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Your name Asmat? Your name is fucked up. I bet
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: you have heard that your whole life. Your name is Asmat.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: Don't wipe your feet off, wipe your ass off. Come
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: on in. Come on in.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Their name is trash. But people call you ass, ass, ass. Okay,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: we're going to call you the wonderful wizard.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Of ass.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: All right, now you got an empty front row seat
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: next to you that I'm going to let somebody come
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: enjoy the show next to you in.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: But ladies, don't just be trying to move to the front.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Because when you get down here, you got to let
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: them finger bank.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you ain't going to be using up my homeboys.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: You get down here, he got to pop two fingers
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: in your ass and pull them to the top.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Hit that little spot. We got any other Afghani women
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: in here? Clap two times. Ma'am, you are not.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: She's like, right here, motherfucker.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: No music. She's Afghani. You Mexican? What kind?
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: She's American Mexican? You don't know your heritage better than that?
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: You meet your icon, you Mexicos?
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Aztecas?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Zacatecas?
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: Zacatecas? That's a real, you guys need to do some research.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: That's a real thing.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Y'all like sucking titties. No, suck up tickers.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: You like Mexicans? He said, sure, I don't give a fuck.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to get some. All right, put the logo
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: up there. This is what I need you to do.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Stand up and take your glasses off. Hey, hey, stop
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: getting them all riled up. Now, this is what I
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: want you to do. I want you to make the
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: sexiest face in your face repertoire.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: No, no, this is for the women. Pay attention. Ask Matt,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: you ready? All right. Let me see your smile. Let
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: me see your smile. Show some teeth. Right there.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Hold the bottom of your face like that. Now, hold
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: your chin up some. Hit them with the squinnies. Little
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: less squinnies. Right there, lock it in. Now I want
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: you to turn, look at the camera. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: You changed your face. Let me get right here in
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: front of the camera, look. Turn your body back that way, keep,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: now turn, yeah. Now put your head up. Show a
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: little smile.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Right there, hold it. Now look at the camera. Show him.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Put him on the screen. Yeah. You see that? That's
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: for the bitches. I got you, brother. Now sit down.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: We're going to find you somebody, all right? All right.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: Now I don't know if there's.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Any women in here that want all their bills paid
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: and taxes done for the next six years, but he
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: is in a position to take care of you.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Alright, let's see. Are there any Afghani women up top?
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: One.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: Stand up. The same girl.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: No, she not moving. That girl is old enough to
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: be his grandbaby. Absolutely not.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: How old are you?
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: 51? Do we have any women from the age of
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: 41 to 61?
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Right there? What's your name? Yes, you. Anthony? Brandy?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Stand up. Spin around. Give us a spin. Give us
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: a spin. Give us a spin, the fuck. Now sit down,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: you don't listen. You want somebody to listen, right?
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Goddamn.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Other people are like, give us a spin, bitch, spin.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm going to come back to this, but
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: we're going to get you somebody. You're not leaving here
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: in the same condition that you arrived.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: With no bitches. I got to help my people out.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Goddamn computer security, cyber security for the University of Michigan
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: with no bitches.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: You say Go Blue? That's where you went to? You did? Alumni? Okay.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Hey man, you know when y'all won the national championship?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: That shit was cool. It was y'all versus Alabama. Was
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: it last year? Let me tell y'all something. This is
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: what y'all don't know. They called me, and they was like,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: the night before the game, we want you to perform
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: for the team.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: Both teams.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: That way they don't go out into the city and
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: get in trouble.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: And so I performed for your team right before they went.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: And I knew.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I knew who was going to win based on how
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: the teams were because Michigan was all together like a family.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: And Alabama, they was already all millionaires. So they were
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: sitting in there with escorts and shit. I'm like, God damn,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: y'all about to lose? You want me to hook you
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: up with somebody too?
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Oz. Oz. She asked me to hook her up with
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: somebody too. This took his glasses off like, what we doing? Now,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: this ain't for dick. This is for love. Are you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: interested in a 51-year-old Afghani man? It don't seem like
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: that's your speed. You want your own, your own....
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Sokoteka still trying to come down here. Uh, How old
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: are you, Zacatecas?
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: How old are you? Are they high?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: What the fuck is taking so long for that table
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: to air to me? Is there a lot of.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: Drugs in this community because... Thank you. He was like, yes,
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: it's a fucking problem.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to the high table.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: I don't know what the.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Fuck they're talking about. They're just fucking titties.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: All right, I'm going to come back to that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Now, let's move on a little bit and fuck with
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: some old people and then we'll get to that.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: What about y'all right here? Y'all look adorable. Two beautiful
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: black women. A little person.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Are you a little person? How tall are you?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: 4'11? That's a little person, baby. Anything start with a four.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: You little little motherfucker.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: If we were together, I'm not bending over for shit else.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: I'm like, pick that shit up. She's like, eh. What's
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: your name? Tierra, and what's your name? Brandy?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, y'all got freak names. Yeah, Tierra and Brandy, them
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: hoe names.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: Them hoe names. That's T.T. and B-Dawg.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: So are you African or just your outfit? She on
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: the screen, that's a beautiful outfit. You look like a Wakandan.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I like what you're doing. What you do for money?
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: You got a nice watch on, jewelry and shit, little bangles.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: You a therapist? Physical or like mental? Mental health. Oh,
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: we need you. Yeah.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: There should be more people clapping, but whatever.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: All the crazy motherfuckers like, fuck that bitch.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: Everybody healthy like, yeah, yeah, bitch. So you got your
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: own situation?
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: You got your own building? What?
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: You kind of young to be a full-on therapist.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Shit. Give me some money. You can figure out how much.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Just figure it out.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Look at your account and see what's on your heart.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Where's your therapy joint at? Southfield and California?
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: California? You talking about you flying around? No, fuck that.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: You out here selling. That diamond you got on keep
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: on sparkling in my face. Who you married to? What
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: football player? You getting married in July?
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Congratulations. To who?
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Who's in LA that got your office open?
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: You come visit, get some, do your thing. He's not
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: in LA?
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's his name? Josh, the quarterback for the fucking
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Buffalo Bills. Does he play football?
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Basketball? He used to? For what team? You don't even
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: know this.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I just give him, take his money, I don't know
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: what he does. I keep his brain healthy, that's my job. Okay,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: and what about the midget? I mean the little person.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Stand up just for shits and giggles, let me see.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: Stand up.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: You're kind of a dick dog for a little motherfucker. Goddamn,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: you got ass like a spider. You ain't never seen
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: a spider without ass. That's how I know she's a
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: little person. Little people and spiders have got the same
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: amount of ass. You got a wedding ring on too.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Y'all are somebody's wives. This is famous.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: I know you're somebody's wife. Hell yeah. Is your husband
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: tall or short? He tall.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: He tall. How tall is he? You don't even know.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: You be like, three, five, four, five. You got to
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: climb up a stepping stool to give him some head.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: She said, no, I don't.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: Look, you're a freak. Little bitty nasty ass. What you
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: do for a living? You're a nurse? Damn, y'all got
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: the good jobs.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I like this community, because I travel a lot.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I be asking people what they do, and some of
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: these black people be saying fucked up shit.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: But we got a therapist.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: You own your own shop, and you a nurse doing
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: your goddamn thing.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: That's beautiful. That's black excellence.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Let me talk to some white people, even this out.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Can you put a camera on the dude over here
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: that look like a Harry Potter character that had on
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: a fucking cereal bowl and then cut all the hair
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: out from under it?
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: No, little to your left. Little more, and right there.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Did I describe it right? That motherfucker look like a
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: redneck wizard.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Expelliarmus. Does your shirt say Glock? I'm going to go
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: ahead and move on, sir. What the fuck? I'm traveling.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I don't got none of my shit with me. TSA
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: was bullshit. I'm like, let me get all that shit through, please.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to you a little bit, though.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: What's your, is it Trevor? Chad? Tim Tom, David, Bruce,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: what's your name? Nathan? Shut the fuck up, two Nates?
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: God damn, but why you look like that though? Did
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: you get your hair cut at an Amish barbershop? You
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: look like a red-headed young Abraham Lincoln.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Four score and seven years ago, wow.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: You look old and young at the same time. What
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: do you do for money, man? Tell me about your life.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Who are you and shit?
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: You work with what?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: You work with family? Your own family or other families?
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Your own family? Okay, so y'all own something big.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: No?
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: What do y'all own? You detail cars? Hell yeah. You
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: follow your own rules or O'Doyle rules?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Black people, there was a movie that came out. A
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: whole family full of redheads was yelling O'Doyle rules as
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: they went off a cliff. Just want to make sure
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: everybody up to speed.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: Some black people are like, what the fuck is an
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: O'Doyle rule? That youth pastor was confused right there. Could
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: you show the youth pastor?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: He right behind him in second row wearing his entire
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Easter suit.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: A little to the right, a little to the right,
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: a little to the right, down. White lady, could you
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: move your big ass head out the way? Please, thank you.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: She was like, I'm on camera.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Move your big ass head out the way. I want
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: to talk to Bishop Ebenezer Johnson Jenkins. Got two last names.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: How you doing, Pastor Johnson Jenkins? You been wearing that
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: since Easter? What you do for a living that you
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: dress to the nines? You're a boxing coach?
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Moving on.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: If you were a boxer, maybe, but you teaching. I
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: can't even do it. I went to a boxing class
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: and they kept hitting me in the side of the head.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Put your hand up. Put your hand up. I said,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I'll blow this whole goddamn gym away. You got me
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: fucked up. But I was out of town. I didn't
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: have none of my shit with me or something. So
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: where's your gym at, man? Let's get you some business, man.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: How do people come down, fill the gym up, man?
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Have you got them Creed V?
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: Toledo, Ohio.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: How y'all do a whole city?
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: Is it that bad?
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Damn, that's fucked up. You got work to do, sir.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of people need to get punched in
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: the mouth. Put some respect on your city name. Are
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: you teaching people how to fight in a city where
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: they can't shoot? It's crazy, though.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Motherfucker, I got hands. Okay, I bet you do.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I'm the fastest puncher in Toledo. Okay, I'll run these bullets.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: You so bad. I'm making the same sound. This your
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: wife right here?
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Y'all look good together. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Okay, okay.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, well she ain't got no ring on, so y'all
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: just dating, you heavy into it. That's your girl, so
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: the answer is yes. How long you been with her?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Five years.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Five years? Why she like, she don't know yet. She like, uh.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Shit, what Easter was it where your mama made the
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: collard greens with the, uh.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: How'd you meet her, at a boxing match? In real life,
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: you bullshit. I'll throw up. She don't even know. What's
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: your name, queen?
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Tori.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: And your name, sir? Roshan. And so y'all about to
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: get married and shit. Five years.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Roshan, that's about long enough now. You stop buying suits
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: and get a ring.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: About time. Ma'am, just so, she what? She bought what?
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: The suit?
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you said the ring. I was about
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: to do a fucking cannonball on your stupid ass.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: I'm like, what kind of man is this? Boom, boom, boom,
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: face that.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Well, that's a good choice. You see, I ain't did
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: nothing but mix compliments in about the suit.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: You did good. You did good.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Where'd you get a suit like that? That's what, seven pieces?
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: You got a lot of pieces on....
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: Got on a tie with a goddamn clip.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Was that a clip tie or you tied that up?
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: Stand up and talk your shit.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: Looking like T.D. Jakes with a bad thyroid. Swallowed, head ass.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Roshan, boxing gym out in Toledo. So for those of
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: y'all in Toledo, go check out the boxing gym. It's
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: on the corner of... This is crazy.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: I ain't never heard a city receive hate just off
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: the name. Toledo. Toledo. Toledo. This is crazy.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Anybody from Toledo like, I got to get the fuck
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: up out of there. Now, where's your gym at, man?
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Let me get you some business.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: I believe in small business. Hold on. Anybody booing still?
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: The moment has passed.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: We are now in the uplift moment of the interaction.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Now, where is it? On Jackson? Johnson? Junction?
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Ain't no cross street. Just take the whole goddamn junction
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: until they see you outside. This is why they booed you.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: They can't anybody find you. Junction and what? Junction in Detroit?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: You just like the word Detroit. He talking about Detroit Street.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: She don't give a fuck.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: It's still Detroit. I don't give a fuck. You own Ohio? Okay,
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: that is a very white thing to say. Just want
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: to own every goddamn thing. We own Ohio. All right, now.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Your place that your family work at, O'Doyle Rules Car Detailing,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: is that in Detroit?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: No, where's that at? It's in Toledo as well?
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Fuck.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Detroit. Toledo. Detroit. Detroit. What the fuck? Houston. Only black people.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Oh shit, that's us.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: The fuck?
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: This is insane. H-town, H-town. That's what's up.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: So this your girl that's got her body language all
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: over you? No, no, I like that. I like when
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: your body language would suggest that that's who you like.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Don't change it because I said that. Lean into them
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: some more. Celebrate your love, man.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: There you go. Yeah. I don't know why you put
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: your hands in his mouth. He was like, yeah, that's
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: my girl, bro. How long y'all been together?
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Nine years. Damn, y'all young to have that much time
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: on your belt.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: You got together in high school? Y'all each other's first?
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: Y'all don't fuck around out there in Toledo, huh? Y'all
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: get it in.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Motherfucker lost your virginity to other people. Okay. Neither one
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: of y'all or one of y'all?
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: No? No? Y'all both were just some little hoes out there.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: It's a lead hoe. Okay. And what do you do, ma'am?
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: You work at a staffing agency?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: You do inside sales for a material handling company?
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: And you've been a surrogate? A surrogate mom? Let's just
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: talk about that. Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa,
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: everybody shut the fuck up. You have somebody else's baby
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: for them? It was not your baby at all. Okay. Did....
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: How'd you get the nut? They fertilized it and then
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: put it inside of your uterus and you made some
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: good money, right? How much money? It's different per time.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: How many babies have you had for someone? You've done
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: surrogacy three times? That's amazing.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: Low key. So the last time was $ 100, 000. What were
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: the other two times?
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: 60 and 70, so you made 100 and, how much
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: is that?
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: You're Afghani, how much is that?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: He's like, all I know is 1-0-1-0-0-1-0-0-1, I'm a computer programmer.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: 60 and 70, that's $ 130, 000.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: Ain't that a bitch?
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: You done made a quarter million dollars off selling that
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: without selling that. That's crazy. He about to get you
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: pregnant for free. Ain't that a bitch? He was like, no, no, no,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: fuck that. That's who cut my hair. I already got
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: a kid. I can't even afford a haircut. I did
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: this shit with a cereal bowl right after I ate it.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Fuck that. Your haircut's trash. I just want you to
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: know that's a terrible goddamn haircut.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Your barber should be ashamed of the goddamn sound.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: If I was your barber and you asked for that cut,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: after I was done, I'd be like, leave. Don't let
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: nobody see you outside my establishment with that bullshit you requested.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: It's known as a what? Your son has the same haircut?
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: That's fucking adorable.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: Fuck.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Why you got to appeal to my heart like that?
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Are you pulling up a picture? Let me see this
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: goddamn baby.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: Let me see. Yeah, they in Toledo. You got to
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: find it. You better hurry up. This moment about to pass.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Could you do me a favor?
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Do you mind pulling the bangs up though? I want
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: to see how far.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: God damn. Pull up to the scene with my silly missy.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: I got my roof laid back, laid back, laid back,
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: laid back. Look at this goddamn baby. Can you focus
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: on that?
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: We done fucked that goddamn baby up. That baby look
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: like the bad guy from Charlie's Angels. The one that
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: was smelling all the hair.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's your
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: baby name, man? What's your son's name?
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: One more time. Nate. So he's junior? Outstanding. You're going
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: to have a third, huh? You don't want nothing?
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I'm a junior too, man. I'm going to give me
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: a third about somebody. My baby going to be bald.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: Headed.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Than a motherfucker. Better not fall asleep at a pool hall.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Somebody be like, this bitch corner pocket. This bitch corner pocket.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: That's funnier than a motherfucker.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: It's because of the sound.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I hope y'all paying attention.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: This is good shit up here. Detroit, I love y'all, man.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: I'm headed out. I love y'all so much. Thank you, though.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.