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The Truth About Influencer Integrity · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
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• 0:30
  The ones with the biggest followings often had the smallest integrity. I see misalignment everywhere. Don't listen to people's tongue in their mouth. Watch their tongue in their shoes and see what they do. Actions speak louder than words. The actual killers, the ones building something real and legitimate in the world. They did five things every day. Their word is non-negotiable. They train their mind and body. They say no way more than yes.
• 0:59
  They guard their ecosystem like it's their life. And they listen more than they speak. It is the standard. What you say, you do. Public matches private. No misalignment. Period. Pick yours and get started today.
• 1:21
  Those of you that are watching and you tune in every single week, please smash that subscribe button. We are focused on growing that for you to get bigger and better guests. I appreciate it. It means the world to me and our team breathing into you. If you're watching this on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify, subscribe on that platform. I've been in rooms with influencers in this space whose names you would know. I'm not going to name them.
• 1:51
  But what I've noticed up close was that the ones with the biggest followings often had the smallest integrity. I see misalignment everywhere. Say one thing on stage, do the opposite. Once you're off and you're out in the wild. And then I watched a different group of people in the same rooms, the actual killers. The ones building something real and legitimate in the world. And they did five specific things every day. None of which the pretenders did.
• 2:20
  will ever post about, talk about, and definitely not do. Today I'm gonna give you all five, and I'm going to tell you which one
• 2:28
  I'm still failing at in public on this show today. Yes, I share my failure. You guys know that, HGL Nation. Most of the content of these five habits of the top performers is written by people who've never been an actual top performer in their life. They're repping from a Forbes list and a James Clear summary. I, drives me insane. You can spot them a mile away. At least I can feel them.
• 2:57
  And my job is to repel them for you, enable you to be able to spot them. You don't learn operators operate by reading about them. You learn by being in the room. And I've seen the room. I watch them. I say all the time, don't listen to people's tongue in their mouth. Watch their tongue in their shoes and see what they do.
• 3:18
  Actions speak louder than words. You've all seen it. The public posts that don't match the private life. I was in a situation where I saw someone said, I never eat fast food. And they even posted about it. And then we're at an event. He's like, hey, you want Wendy's? And, you know, it happens to be a friend of mine. I'm sure it wasn't, it was a coincidence. But it made me go, hmm. I still...
• 3:46
  subconsciously kind of pulled away just a little bit because
• 3:51
  I'm all about alignment. Guys, I'm up here drinking the Kool-Aid, fighting the fight. I'm in this thing called life right there with you. That's why we call it harder than life and we're in it together. I'm going first and I'm making it cool and courageous and awesome and showing you the messy parts, the lows, the highs and all between. Again, you'll never get farther or faster by trampling in others. That's why I didn't name any names. It doesn't matter. You guys follow me. You know I'm real. That's all that matters.
• 4:21
  I'm in it for the long haul. Other people tend to be in it for the algorithm. Just different games. So without further ado, let's just jump into it. Habit number one. If you guys listen to me for any amount of time, this one's going to be easy.
• 4:34
  Your word is non-negotiable, and you definitely do not negotiate with yourself. It is the standard. What you say, you do. Public, matches private, no misalignment, period. Literally, like I just said to you, I had a major influencer friend, still a friend,
• 4:54
  posting about never eats fast food and I've eaten with him twice. I didn't have the heart to call him out. I just laugh. It's, it's small, but it's still, I'm watching and I'm not judging, but it makes me think, man, I am not going to say one thing and do another because it just destroys your believability. And, and
• 5:16
  Even if someone else isn't watching, you yourself, your subconscious, the little you, the future you is watching. Remember, also too, I'm looking for the founder. They honor their handshake as much as they do a written contract. It's small, boring stuff. And that's where the integrity lives. If you posted a screenshot of your last 30 days of behavior, would it match what you say publicly? If the answer makes you flinch, that's habit one.
• 5:44
  Again, integrity isn't what you say on stage. It's what you do day in and day out. My word is my bond. I mean what I say, I do what I say, and it's done. Habit number one, because so many of us abandon ourselves first.
• 6:01
  No longer Heart of Life Nation. Habit number two, train your mind and body daily. Not occasionally. Make this a baseline. It's part of my TLC process. Train your mind and body daily. This is not motivational driven. This is not a vibe. The body and mind are the foundations. Everything else gets built on. Killers don't skip. They don't make excuses. They travel and find a way. They get sick.
• 6:30
  and adjust the dose, not the practice. The mind and body are non-negotiable infrastructure. It is the foundation, literally. I will tell you, I don't get sick very often because I take care of my mind and my body. I see a lot of influencers posting the cold plunge. The people actually doing the work, just do the work. Insecurities are loud. They're doing it for a reason. I just show you my hair sticking up in the morning just to prove it.
• 6:59
  They ain't freaking screaming and yelling. They're just doing the thing. A weak body creates a noisy mind. A noisy mind makes bad decisions. Bad decisions destroy families and companies. This isn't vanity, man. This is protection. This is how I live harder than life, which will make you happier than life, which eventually will be healthier than life. Hint, hint, plug, plug. Book number three. Coming soon. Habit number three.
• 7:29
  Boy, did I learn this yesterday between me and my girlfriend, Brittany. Habit number three is to say no more than you say yes. In fact, say it 80% more. Audit your yeses. Killers protect their calendar like it's a vault and all their money is in that vault. And it is because your money is your happiness and your health.
• 7:53
  So protect that calendar. Don't say yes to everything because it could be an opportunity. Two points. Revenue generating activities or needle mover tasks. That's it.
• 8:04
  That is the signal, cancel the noise, they may have referrals, they may not have time for maybe. So most people say yes by default and then they resent the commitment because they're people pleasers or they just don't want the drama. Love yourself first. All of these things are to love yourself so you can choose you. The killers default to no and only convert to yes when it's obvious it's a fit for the mission or that aforementioned signal. Signal.
• 8:32
  which is your goals. Discipline isn't in the work. It's in what they refuse to add to their work. Every yes is a no to something else. Top performers know what they're protecting. Most people don't even know what their priorities are. So they say yes to everything and wonder why nothing is moving forward. For me right now,
• 8:55
  I say to no to almost everything that takes away from my sleep. Right now, the Detroit Pistons, my favorite basketball team, are in the playoffs. And sometimes I got to shut it off at halftime because I got to get my seven hours of sleep. So you don't have a time problem.
• 9:12
  You have a no problem. Habit number four, guard your ecosystem like it's your life because it also is. Again, I know I keep saying this is your life, but this, just five simple, small things. When I say ecosystem, everything that's around you, the people, the places, the things that you consume, the food, the radio, the news, social media, your high school, college friends, who will you tolerate?
• 9:41
  will spill all over you. Who has access to your ear, your calendar, your emotional bandwidth? It's all part of it. These killers, the high performers, the people that are winning, all of you HTL Nationers, you run a tight perimeter.
• 10:00
  The misaligned crowd is open to anyone with a pitch. Anyone to anything. Hey, you wanna party? You wanna go to the beach? You wanna go do this? Noise, noise, noise, noise, noise, noise, noise, noise. Everywhere. There's also a spiritual and religious foundation that tends to show up. Most of the real ones have something they're anchored to that's bigger than themselves. Not all, but most. And I think it's worth naming. I'm finding that
• 10:30
  The more and more I heal, the more and more I realize how small I really am. And I'm here for a bigger purpose. Show me your five closest people, top five inputs, which is gym, music, podcast, books, social media.
• 10:54
  and your top five tolerations. What do you say yes to? And I'll show you the next five years. The ecosystem is your life. Most people are letting strangers decide their futures. That's my friends is that noise. Cancel the noise. Habit number five, is they listen more than they speak. It makes you feel like the most important person in the room.
• 11:20
  When I come across real ones, man, the ones they don't scan the room, they don't pull out their phone, they're not taking pictures, they don't redirect to themselves. They make you feel seen, heard. It's not a tactic, man. It's a state. They're comfortable with who they are, and they're going to make you feel like the most important person in the room.
• 11:43
  Because at that moment, you are. Master that and everything else falls between it. After they're done listening, they then turn it inwards. This is the one, full disclosure, I'm still working on. And I'm going to tell you exactly why, because the diagnosis matters. Guys, listen, this is a full vulnerability. There's two voices talking to me all the time. And if you're watching this on YouTube, I'm looking down because I'm trying to think of
• 12:07
  exactly how I want to articulate this so it lands the best for you because everything is for you. All of this, all of this pain and suffering and sacrifice is just to pay it forward. I have a higher calling than I ever thought of. I've tried to do, go against all this. This is what works guys. I used to be so excited to help people that I'd jump in because I'd see the pattern. Cause I'm so smart. So somebody tells me, I'm feeling a little tired. I'm feeling a little off.
• 12:36
  I jump in, cut them off, don't ask a single question, go, oh, did you work out today? You're drinking enough water, blah, blah, blah. But now, the healed Kelly, the transitional Kelly, because I don't fully trust myself yet, I'm listening to respond, not to hear, because I'm still proving I belong in that room. I'm still proving I belong in that room, and my nervous system, racist. There's no coincidence that the Harder Than Life logo is a shield.
• 13:06
  My cyber security company, National Technology Management, I didn't even realize the logo is a shield. Because if I could, I'd come through this screen and I would jump in your body and I would do everything I could to make sure that your life is better than it is now. But if you listen to the Heart of the Life show religiously, I'll keep paying it forward to you and follow at least some of the things I say. I'm a little bit insane and I know it, I get it, but I've been through it all.
• 13:35
  I've messed everything up. Wise people learn from other people's mistakes. Smart people learn from their own, but I'm not smart. So let me pay it forward. Here's the breakthrough. First time in my life, I'm being the model example of what winning looks like, and it takes getting used to. I'm doing all the things. I used to listen from shame, looking for my opening, proving I was worthy, I belonged. Now I'm learning to listen from worth because I know I am.
• 14:05
  Just that little reverberation shows I'm still a work in progress. I'm healing. As I share it with you, I'm out in front of you guys. I'm not claiming I'm perfect. I'm not claiming I'm better than anybody. I'm not claiming anything other than feeling pretty good these days. And it's from doing this ridiculously challenging work to heal my childhood trauma, to get better and get bigger and help all of you.
• 14:35
  I used to respond because I needed to prove I was worthy. Now I'm listening. I'm learning to listen to hear because I already know I am. I just wanted to reiterate that. It's so important for little Kelly to hear that I am worthy and so are all of you.
• 14:50
  I see you as all they're trying. I'm seeing the podcast grow. I know we're doing something right. It sure in the heck isn't the advertising. It's just me coming on here being real. Therefore, if you're a chronic interrupter, ask yourself, which Kelly are you being? Are you listening from shame and fear or from worth? The answer tells you where you need to work.
• 15:09
  It's so hilarious how all the signs to a better life, a next level are right in front of us and we ignore it. I am beating a dead horse with this TLC approach because it is so simple and I want to share it with the girl. This is a reminder because I said this enough on the show. TLC stands for train, learn and coaching. Train your mind and body.
• 15:32
  Learn like your life depends on it from reading and podcasts. And for the love of God, hire a coach and a counselor. Remember, I'm not a coach. I'm not doing this for money, guys. I'm doing this because it's calling. It's the framework I run for myself, on my team at NTM, and on every person I work with. And here's what I'm noticing, building the list. Most of these five habits got strengthened in that C, the coaching and counseling. That's where the deep work happens.
• 15:59
  but the T and the L sink them in. You can't skip any of the three. So again, train is where you build the discipline and the reps, the body, the mind, the nose, the ecosystem, the audit. The learn, study why you do what you do, where it started, what it's protecting. Pro tip, if you're saying that's just who I am, you need TLC, especially the C, because it is not just the way you are, it was learned.
• 16:26
  and it can be unlearned and unlock you to the next level. Remember, counseling is just therapy. It sounds better TLC. You get the outside eyes, the professional, the mentor, the IFS work that I've been sharing with you that is literally unburdening me. Oh, I feel so good to say that. Because the part of you that built the problem can't see the solution. I just talked about it. That problem that you built was for survival. You needed that. But I got news flash for you.
• 16:52
  You don't need that anymore. We're harder than life, getting happier than life, and then eventually healthier than life. Most killers I watch are in that sea, heavy. They hire a new coach almost every year. They go seek out the person that is doing the thing that they want to do and they hire them. Most influencers aren't. They're just telling you all this stuff.
• 17:16
  Insecurities are loud. It's a major difference. Killers do the work. Influencers are just loud and freaking yapping. You can train forever and never change. I did it last year, 555 workouts. The change happens in that coaching and counseling. The training is what locked it in and made it non-negotiable. Here's the move. Don't try and install all five habits at once.
• 17:42
  That's how you fail. Too much, too fast, too quick. Pick just one. And it's the one that you flinched when I said it. The one that exposed you while I was talking. You know which one it is. You thought about it twice already since I've been telling you this.
• 17:57
  Then run the TLC on it. Train the reps. Learn. Why have you avoided it? Get the coaching and counseling on the part you can't see alone. That's how it locks it in. That's how you heal. What are you waiting for? Are you doing it yet? Give TLC the harder-than-life style way you do things. And the ones ready for the work, man, congratulations. You know what this episode was. You know the climb.
• 18:24
  Keep going. I love you. I'm proud of you. I see you. And for everybody else, jump in. Jump on the bandwagon. Just keep going and I'm going to keep sharing it. Please, please.
• 18:37
  All of you, Heart of Life Nation, share this with a person in your life who needs it. And subscribe to us, our Heart of Life show on YouTube. We're building something here. And the long haul is the only game I'm playing. Remember, I'm not sitting here selling you anything. This is all on my dime. I'm paying it forward because I see a world that needs TLC, needs love, needs empathy, needs communication.
• 19:07
  And I'm going to lead the way. Remember, the killers do five things daily. Their word is non-negotiable. They train their mind and body. They say no way more than yes. They guard their ecosystem like it's their life. And they listen more than they speak.
• 19:25
  The fifth one I'm still working on. The first four are the foundation. The TLC engine. These are different games, man. Pick yours and get started today. This is Harder Than Life, and I'll see you next Thursday.
• 19:40
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.