Latest / Mom Wars / Secondary Infertility

Transcript

Secondary Infertility · Mom Wars

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: From the front lines of the mom Wars.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Here's Bethany Mandel and Kara Kennedy.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Hi, and welcome to the mum Wos podcast. I'm Kara
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Kennedy and this is Bethany Mandel. We have a guest today.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: Who do you want to introduce yourself? Maddie.
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and my name is Madeline Freischultz. I'm a contributors
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: editor at The Washington Examiner and a friend. Yeah. I'm
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: really excited to be here. Thank you guys for having
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: me and a friend.
• 0:34
  Speaker 5: That's really why we had you here. It's not because
• 0:36
  Speaker 5: you're like.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Let me do a quick story of how me and Maddie.
• 0:40
  Speaker 6: Matt So, Maddie was one of the people on my
• 0:43
  Speaker 6: radar when I first moved here who I knew that
• 0:45
  Speaker 6: I wanted to be friends with, but I didn't really
• 0:47
  Speaker 6: know how I was going to meet you. And then
• 0:50
  Speaker 6: we both went to the same dinner and we were
• 0:52
  Speaker 6: starting next to each other, and.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I like pretended that I didn't already have.
• 0:57
  Speaker 6: Like a kind of friend crush on her and was like,
• 1:00
  Speaker 6: Oh my god, it's so nice to me.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: You're so random high I do not know that. Yeah,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: that's true.
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: I a little bit I a little bit profiled. What's
• 1:08
  Speaker 5: the word I'm looking for? Not profiled, but groomed, that's
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: what we're looking for. I groomed Maddie also because I
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: really liked everything you wrote for the mag so Seth.
• 1:17
  Speaker 5: My husband used to edit the Washington Examiner magazine, and
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: I loved everything you wrote in the mag and I
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: low key was a little mad at you about it
• 1:25
  Speaker 5: because I wasn't allowed to write for the magazine while
• 1:28
  Speaker 5: he was the editor, and so I was glad that
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: someone was writing the things I wanted to be writing.
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: But I was also like, why can't I write it?
• 1:36
  Speaker 5: This is nonsense. But if someone's going to write it,
• 1:38
  Speaker 5: at least at least they're doing it well. And then
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: sometimes i'd get mad at you when it was better
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: than I would have done, and I'm like, oh, it's
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: actually spirits.
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: We like the same things.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I love that I know.
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: I think it's great. We need more people who care
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: about the things that we care about. So I groomed
• 1:53
  Speaker 5: you as well.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: That's so funny.
• 1:55
  Speaker 6: Well, you learned a lot about as Maddy, and that
• 1:57
  Speaker 6: we need to learn a lot about you.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: You have a baby, no.
• 2:03
  Speaker 5: I mean, you don't have a baby, no real, no
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: baby anymore.
• 2:05
  Speaker 6: Three year old m and three year old is so cute.
• 2:10
  Speaker 6: He came up with Bethany. He came up over to
• 2:13
  Speaker 6: my house two days ago and he was riding around
• 2:16
  Speaker 6: the garden on his bike and he walked back up
• 2:19
  Speaker 6: to me and his arm was covered in bud from
• 2:23
  Speaker 6: top to bottom and he didn't even notice.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: And I was like, you know, what have you done?
• 2:28
  Speaker 6: I thought you had like a fake tattoo on him
• 2:31
  Speaker 6: when I was like, oh, that's kind of cool, and
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: then I wented it. It was like fresh drecken blood
• 2:35
  Speaker 6: and he didn't even notice.
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: That's such a boy move.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't know. My husband was like, I'm gonna
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: ignore it, and I was like, he needs a bandit.
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: This is not good.
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: I think I've only met him once. We were at
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: the Museum of the Bible, like what a week or
• 2:51
  Speaker 5: two ago. And after the Museum of the Bible tour
• 2:56
  Speaker 5: that we were on, a couple people were staying for
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: the Chronicles of Narnia show and I was like, oh,
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: you're brave bringing a three year old to a two
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: and a half hour and then you did it and
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: I was like and I was thinking of you the
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: whole time, because I was like, I'm antsy right now,
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: that three year old would have been totally done in.
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: That would have been it for that kid.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: He was at like the playroom part of the museum
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: basically the time.
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, as he should have been. So he's three and
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: a half. Are you do you say his name publicly?
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: Okay, his name is THEO.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: He's just turned three actually.
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: Ah fun.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so he's full of energy. We love him. He's crazy,
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: but yeah, he's just the best.
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: How old was he when he started walking?
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: He was about one. It was a little after his
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: first I remember he was not walking in his first
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: birthday party.
• 3:49
  Speaker 5: Okay, because sometimes crazy boys are really early walkers, and
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: that's like an indicator of their of their boy craziness.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: He was an early crawler and an early like creepy crawler,
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: like he was in between crawling and walking, and he
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: would do this like weird demonic. You know, didn't your
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: kids do this? Like they're like kind of coming after you,
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: like something from a horror movie, and you're like, can
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: you please just pick one? This is very weird.
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: I had a kid who was a butt scooter, my
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: number four. She never actually crawled. She just screwed it
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: along on her butt. It was really cute. And she
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: was my latest walker by far. She was like nineteen
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: months when she started walking, and we were starting to
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: look into like, are we gonna have to get her
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: some occupationional therapy because this was the middle of COVID
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: and that didn't exist. So I was starting to look
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: into like bootleg people who would do it under the radar,
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: like the under the table for cash. And I was
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: in the middle of that process of trying to find
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: someone who would agree to do that and see her
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: like in person without you know, wearing a mask and
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: being crazy. And then I spent a whole day doing that,
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: and then the next day she walked.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: She was like, what do you guys freak that about it?
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: I could do this though whole time I just didn't.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: Fat she was butt scooting, she was being carried around
• 5:05
  Speaker 5: by her three older siblings, and she's like, i'munderneath this,
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: but if you're going to pay under the table in cash,
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: I'll fine, I'll do it. And so you have this
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: three and a half year old and.
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: And a baby on the way. For a second, I
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: was like, and what I don't.
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: Know it's the whole reason you're here.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm twenty six weeks pregnant with a He's a
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: head of cauliflower this week apparently, which is the vegetables
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: are so weird, Like last week he was corn. In
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: the week before that he was an eggplant, and I
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: feel like we're getting smaller and then yeah, like weirdly big,
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: really jumping.
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: Mary Catherine Ham, I don't know where it exists somewhere
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: on the internet. She created when we were pregnant with
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: someone because we were pregnant at the same time. A
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: couple of times. She create actually all four times we
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: were pregnant the same time for her a junk food
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: to baby like ratio that was actually very good. She
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: did a lot of research and so it was like
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: a Costco bag of chips, a drug store bag of
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: chips when it was smaller, and so it's it's solid.
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: It's really good.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: It's like a package of Klondike bars.
• 6:18
  Speaker 6: Now, I guess I saw on Instagram when I was
• 6:22
  Speaker 6: pregnant and I was checking that she would ass every
• 6:24
  Speaker 6: day the tell she won't kind of fruit. There a
• 6:28
  Speaker 6: woman had the same app and her husband would cock
• 6:31
  Speaker 6: he a meal like a different meal every week with
• 6:34
  Speaker 6: this specific frigial badge that the baby walls and I
• 6:38
  Speaker 6: showed neck and it was like, this is so cute.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Why don't you do this for me? And he was like, card,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: that's the dumbest thing I've never seen.
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: I used to get cravings based on it, Yeah, because
• 6:48
  Speaker 5: I'd be staring at like an egg plant all week
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: and I could go for some eggplant farm.
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: There's actually a famous eggplant parm recipe that has sent
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: a lot of women into labor. There's like a restaurant,
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: and I think it's because it spicy. I think that's
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: the main that makes sense.
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're not going to be twenty six weeks when
• 7:05
  Speaker 5: this podcast comes out because we're holding it. How far
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: apart will they be?
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: So they'll be three and a half years apart. I'm
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: doing early July, So yeah, they're going to be yeah,
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: almost less than four years. But there will be a
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: little age gap there. Do you guys know what the
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: average sibling age gap is in the US right now?
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: No?
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: Not. For some reason, I thought it was going to
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: be a lot smaller. It's actually four point two years.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, that makes sense.
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, My biggest age gap was too, twenty six months.
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: Twenty seven months. That was my biggest gap, just over
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: two years.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Yeap.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: My baby is turn two in December and he's the
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: oldest a youngest child has ever been well, which seems
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: crazy to me because he's still a baby.
• 7:53
  Speaker 7: My midwife said to me that the perfect age gap
• 7:57
  Speaker 7: is three years.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Then she doesn't want to see me go in pregnant
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: before three years on to the day, so she's.
• 8:05
  Speaker 6: Going to be really annoyed me and a couple of
• 8:07
  Speaker 6: weeks when a go in and say, hey, kind of
• 8:09
  Speaker 6: my idea, please you can by yourself.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: No, I'm not doing that. Athan, that's crazy.
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: Have we not talked about this, told me about it.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: I just think it's insane.
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: It's easy. It's like a it's like a little bit
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: more than a tampon. No, I gotta go a little
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: bit higher.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Because I sold people do this through COVID.
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: It was like a whole that's yeah, I took my
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: nap during COVID.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: No, that's fugress, I'm not. I'm not doing that.
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: It's the scene as a tampon.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: It's not I've seen the thing.
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: It slips out just like a tampon.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, my god. No, no, no, we have we have.
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: We have a producer who edits this podcast named Brian.
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: Let's all just pour one out for Brian right now.
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: We appreciate you. Brian Maddie.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Did you go on any birth control? No?
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: I actually have never been on birth control in your life.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: In my life, yeah, are you happy? I'm Protestant anti
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: birth control. It just was never something I did. And
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: then I started seeing stuff about it affecting your hormones,
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: and I was like, I don't want to worry about that.
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: So when my husband and I got married, we were
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: doing natural famine planning with this FDA approved app. And
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: I don't want to knock it because like, I do
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: think that the app is really good.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: I think we were look at them to the one
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: that don't be pregnant.
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: Which one le no I was doing natural cycles is
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: the one that I have. I do think it's really good.
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: I want to I don't want to like like I
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: want to like put a plug out. Like I think
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: this is a good app. You can like get your
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: health insurance to cover it. But I don't think we
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: were fully adhering to its guidelines. And that's why THEO
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: is here. Today, so which I'm not complaining about. I'm
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: happy with how things were out.
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: One of my kids was was a natural family planning mistake.
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: I don't even remember which one it was, No, you
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: know what it was a miscarriage that was yeah, between
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: number two and number three. It was a natural fanning
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: family planning mistake. Thanks pretty early. But I cried the
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: whole time I was pregnant because my second was really
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: really really really hard and they would have been Irish twins,
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: and I was convinced I was not going to survive,
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: and I cried that I was pregnant for two weeks,
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: just cried. And I remember I found out I was
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: pregnant at my in law's house and I texted Seth's
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: cousin and I asked her to slip sneak in and
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: slip a pregnancy test on the front tire of my
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: car because I couldn't wait. And so I don't remember
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: why I couldn't leave the house, but there was some
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: reason I couldn't leave the house. Maybe someone was sick
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: or something, I don't remember, but I couldn't figure out
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: a reason to leave the house, and so I texted
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: his cousin. I was like, put a pregnancy test on
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: the front tire and I'll be there. I think she
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: told me she was going to be out anyway, and
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: so so I took it, and I was pregnant, and
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: I did not leave the bedroom at my in law's
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: house the whole time. I think they probably thought I
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: was mad at them. And then I cried for two weeks,
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: and then I had a miscarriage, and then I felt
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: guilty that I had cry induced a miscarriage, and then
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: I felt pretty crappy for another few weeks.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: After that too. Oh oh, that's terrible.
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah, guilt, and then of like more guilt, say, yeah,
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: all because I couldn't I couldn't track my cycle because
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: apparently I'm an idiot. But if I'm an idiot, so
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: it is Maddie. So everybody wins. Me too, Me too, Yeah,
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: you too, We're all we've all made mistakes. It's hard.
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: How does that app work?
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: So you put in every morning you take you're supposed
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: to wake up around the same time, which I think
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: is part of my problem is I love to sleep in.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: I don't have a regular, you know, wake up schedule.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: But you take your temperature every morning. You can also
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: do LH test strips, which will help you really track
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: when you're going to ovulate. But basically you know when
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: your temperature is spiking, and then you're supposed to abstain,
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: and then you wait and then.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: No, wonder, I go pregnant. This is way molder than
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: mind I didn't take.
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: But here's my problem, and this is why I have
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: a sixth child. When I'm ovulating, I can't. It's dangerous.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Honestly, Well, that's how evolution works. That's why.
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: Yes, yes, And it's funny because after after our sixth
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: was conceived, like two days later, I realized that I
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: was opulating.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: I was like, I thought I was just.
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: Being spontaneous and aggressive, and said was like, maybe you
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: should have figured out that it wasn't like a spontaneous
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: sexual aggression.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: Maybe he should have figured out.
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: Thank you, right, he says, And he's not wrong. By
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: the way, please everyone keep this in the circle of
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: trust of the thousands of podcast he can never listen.
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: He says that our six is like the product of
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: an assault, and he's not wrong. He basically had no choice.
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, so it all he really maybe we
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: should edit this. He's really gonna get out of me
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: if he finds out that I said the stuff.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: You do, I just want that's the social media, but
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: I really want to.
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: Please don't.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, So Maddie, there will be how many years between kids?
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: Three and a half? Okay, but that wasn't the plan, right, Oh,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: so I.
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: Guess I can go back to our accidental NFP failure
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: with THEO. So we were not planning on having kids
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: as early as we did. We definitely wanted kids.
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: To becoming old. How old were you when he was born?
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: I was twenty five when he was born. Okay, we
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: were about one year into our we were a year
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: into our marriage, and we found out we were going
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: to have a baby. And then obviously, you know, nine
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: little little under nine months later he came along. But
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: it was kind of funny. We were on vacation in
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: Mexico and we had just like had a wild night
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: out and we woke up and I took my temperature
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: and it was elevated and my period had been late,
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: and I was my my, I'm gonna censor myself. I'm
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: not gonna call myself names. But I was being stupid
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm just so glad I get
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: to like do all these water activities. My period hasn't
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: come like this is so nice, just not even a
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: to me the possibility that could be pregnant. And my
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: app was like, your periods light, your temperatures up, you
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: might want to take a pregnancy test. And I turned
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: to my husband and it was Father's Day and I
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: was like the Father's Day question mark.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Oh my god. It was his reaction.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: He's like lifting his head off the pillow, sam crusted
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: on his face like hungover, like what. We were both
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: very shocked. And when I we, I waited until, like
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: we were at the end of our vacation. We came home,
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: I like worked a full day and I made Michael
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: go get the pregnancy test. For some reason, it's like embarrassing.
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: I'm like a married woman.
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: No, no, let me tell you.
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: I don't want to find my own pregnancy test.
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: I never once was able to tell my in laws.
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: I was so embarrassed every single time. I was so embarrassed,
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: like a teen pregnancy every single time. Once when we
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: told like extended family members that I was pregnant, it
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: was with a later kid, like four or five or six.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: I don't remember Seth's uncle looked at me and was said,
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: when do you guys have time to have sex? And
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: I was like, that is an unspoken thing. Everyone knows
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: how babies are made, but nobody talks about it when
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: you tell them that they're pregnant. And that was so
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: traumatic for me that I could never tell the extended
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: family that I was pregnant again. I think he said
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: that for the fourth because.
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: I start hiding your kids. You're like, we've only we've
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: only got a couple of kids.
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: We just announced, we just announced when the baby's born.
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: We're like, e, here's another one. No, But I I'm
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: with you because I feel deep shame and I've had
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: six of them.
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: Yes, it's very weird. So I made him go and
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: I got and get the test, and then I worked
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: a full day of where it came home, took the
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: pregnancy test, walked away, saw it on the counter and screamed.
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh my gosh, and we both just
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: were like shell shocked looking at each other. And I
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: remember we went on a walk and we went to
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: a park and there was this little girl who's running
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: around in a yellow raincoat, and I was just like
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: my heart melted, and I was like, Okay, I can
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: have a kid. This is really this is really cute.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: But I didn't really get baby fever until maybe like
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: halfway through the pregnancy, Like it was still kind of weird.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: But I like never questioned that we were going to
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: have a kid. I was like, we had a boy
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: name and a girl name picked out. So as soon
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: as we found out that we were having a boy,
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: like I did the blood test. We did it all
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: super early. I found out. I got a phone call
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: and I was out and Michael was at home, and
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: so I went to Michael, my husband. I went to
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: Giant and I got a cake and I was like,
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: can you put the name Theodore on it? And they
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: were like, just the name Theodore. And I was like yes,
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: and so I should come home with the cake that
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: says Theodore. And I presented it to him and I
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: was like, here it is. So we got THEO. He
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: was born in February twenty twenty two. It's such a delight,
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: Like it was definitely hard. I think it was a
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: hard adjustment in that first year. But by the time
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: he was one, we were like, this is great.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: You know, we may have.
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: Started parenthood earlier than we thought we were going to,
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: but we want to keep going. We're going to have
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: more kids, Like let's just continue this.
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: Do you have an ideal number now? Like do you
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: think you know how many you want?
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I kind of go back and forth
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: on it, and like depends on the day, like how
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: everything's been going. I used to say four. I am
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: one of four.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: I grew up with that number.
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: I really like it. So I think that is the ideal.
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: But we will see how long, you know, We'll see
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: how how we get there, how things progress, if the
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: kids get along, if things are going.
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: Well, get along. But it's still nice.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, as long as there's not too much fighting. As
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: long as that one sums that sends the other one
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: to the er, I think we'll be good. But yeah,
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: so we when THEO was a year in twenty twenty two,
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: we were like, Okay, we're gonna have We're gonna have
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: another kid. And I was like telling everybody like this
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: is I went to a bachelorette party. I was like,
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: this is my last hurrah, like I'm about to be
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: I'm about to get pregnant again. And we did, and
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: then it was July twenty twenty two, we had our
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: first miscarriage, and it was kind of surprising. Everything had
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: been good throughout the whole pregnancy. I had some spotting
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: in eleven weeks, but that's not always a bad sign.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: I should have immediately called my doctor, but I was
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: slightly in denial, and also I had an appointment in
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: a week, so I was like, I'll just go in then.
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: And then the day of twelve weeks, it was fourth
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: of July, and I had more spotting than cramping. And
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: then it was like we kind of knew what was happening.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: And we came home from a barbecue, put THEO to bed,
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: and everything just started escalating. And I was on the
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: phone with my doctor and they were saying, you can
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: just you know, just wait and see. And then it
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: was like I couldn't stop bleeding. The cramping was really bad,
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: so we ended up having to rush to the hospital.
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: I passed out twice in the garden cerealm from the
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: pain or the blood loss from the blood loss a
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: third of my blood. I'm still furious at the hospital
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: that they didn't admit me immediately. There was literally a
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: lady sitting there who went in before me. She's going in.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: She's like, I feel like they should have let you in,
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: And I'm sitting there like, yeah, I feel like they
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: should have. Which this is like one of the big
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: and we could talk about this more later, but like,
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: I think one of the big issues with miscarriage is
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: how little understand is how people do not care that
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: much about women's health. Like I came in and I
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: said I'm miscarrying and the lady's just like, oh, are
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: you bleeding? And I was like, I'm literally dripping blood
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: onto the floor, Like I'm holding a towel so that
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: I'm not gushing onto the floor like or even paying attention. Yeah,
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: very very traumatic experience. So that was That was the
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: first miscarriage. And after that we did a few tasks
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: and the doctors were like, I mean a lot of
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: people have one miscarriage. Everything seems fine, you can just
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: keep going and try to have kids again. And we really,
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: like we wanted that small age gap between our kids, like,
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: we really wanted to keep going for the second. So
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: we tried again and then I had a miscarriage that
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: November and that was eight weeks. So the next two
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: miscarriages were missed miscarriages. So I showed up to the
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: hospital for my a week ultrasound and there was no heartbeat,
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: which obviously all I mean, all miscarriage experiences are really bad.
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: The first one was very physically traumatic, but there is
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: something very sad about you go up, you go for
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: that ultrasound, and then like the thing that you're winning
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: to hear doesn't happen. So that was my next one
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: was in November, and then the third one was that spring.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: And it was really hard during that year and a
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: half when we were going through that because we kept
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: doing tests. My husband and I both did DNA testing.
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: I was tested for blood clotting issues. Everything was coming
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: back pretty normal.
• 21:51
  Speaker 5: Like did they test the babies that you miscarried?
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they did. They couldn't test the first one. The
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: second one they did test. Everything was normal. I think
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: that they tested the third one. At that point. It's
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: like such a blur.
• 22:06
  Speaker 7: A miss miscarriage is when you don't like bleed and
• 22:11
  Speaker 7: you don't know, you don't see that you've passed it
• 22:15
  Speaker 7: or something.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: The baby's still there, but the baby has died and
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: you don't know, Like I still had SIMP. I think
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: I still had some symptoms, like there was no reason
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: for me to leave that something had happened. And then
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: we just found out when we went in for the ultrasound.
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: Did you did you have to go in for a
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: DNC or did they kind of wait for the baby
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: to pass naturally?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: So I have had I had dncs each time. The
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: first one was an emergency DNC. The second one it
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: was just like right before Thanksgiving and I didn't want
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: to be miscarrying at the Thanksgiving dinner table, so I
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: went ahead and did a DNC. And the third one,
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: I actually tried to do the pills to pass the miscarriage,
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: but it didn't really work. I did like two rounds
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: and it was I don't know, I don't know what's
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: going on with me. So I ended up doing another
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: DNC for the third time.
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: Can I ask? I've always been curious what what what
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: is entailed in a DNC, Like what do they do?
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, you're asleep so you don't really experience it.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: It's technically a surgery, but they basically just stuck everything
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: out so that you're there's no risk of hemorrhaging, there's
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: no risk of infection.
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: I think that's the and they put you totally to sleep.
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: Mm hmm, yeah, I don't do that. Yeah, so you
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: just go to the hospital, they put you under, and
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: then you wake up.
• 23:33
  Speaker 6: And it was there a big difference emotionally between the
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: first one, which was kind of more length physically, like
• 23:41
  Speaker 6: an emergency kind of situation, right.
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: I think the physical aspect of the first one was
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: a big factor. Like obviously it was that was really bad,
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: But I think one of the bigger things is that
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: I just it was so unexpected, like by two and three,
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: I was just already primed to be nervous, yes, and
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: you know, like maybe something's going to happen, and then
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: it was like, of course it did when it did.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: But the second one, it was like when I had
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: when I was pregnant with THEO, I had a perfect pregnancy,
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: nothing went wrong, everything was good. So I had no
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: reason to think that, you know, when I would try
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: to get pregnant again, something would happen.
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you told people that you were pregnant with the
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: first before you.
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, there are still photos. I may have deleted
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: them all off my phone, but I think the from
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: the first and second miscarriages, those pregnancies, there are still
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: photos of THEO and these little Big Brother t shirts
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: and I was going to post them and but it
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: was it's kind of weird, like this is the first
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: time I've talked publicly about all of any of my miscarriages,
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: but like especially a lot of people don't know about
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: all three, and it just got to the point where
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: like fewer and fewer people knew and it's not even
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: related to like who we were close to, but it
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: just felt like, oh my gosh, another miscarriage, Like it
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: was almost like embarrassing, like I just my life can't
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: be this sad, Like we can't keep this, can't keep
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: happening to us. So the first one we had told
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: a lot of people, because it was kind of the
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: same thing with THEO, where I was like, you know,
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: I'm having a baby, of course, and then everyone should know.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: And then after that we would just kind of wait
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: longer and longer, and then you know, things weren't working out.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: But yeah, it's it is. It is weird. There's like
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: a lot of people who know about like one or
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: the other, but not the full story. And I think
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: that's why I, like a lot of people don't talk
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: about their miscarriages, because I think it's just hard to
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: tell people. And you can either get one of two reactions.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: You get people who are like way too emotional, where
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: you're like, I don't know that I need to also
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: now be grieving with you, and I've been grieving in
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: my own way. Sometimes you're feeling really sad. Sometimes you're like,
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: I just don't want to think about it. But then
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: you also get people who can be really dismissive, like, oh, well,
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: at least it was early, or at least you already
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: have one. You know all these at leasts, and you're like,
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: I get that you're trying to make me feel better,
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: but this was real pain that I experienced. I don't
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: really need like the silver lining right now.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: I heard that second a lot, that at least you
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: already have one, which to be crazy.
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: I I heard that. So when I was pregnant with
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: my oldest, my first two or seventeen months apart, and
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: my second was an accident, we weren't I mean, I
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: don't know if he was an accident, Like, we didn't
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: think we would get pregnant as fast as we did.
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: There was no goalie, like, we didn't we weren't using
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: any birth control. I just didn't think I would get
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: pregnant as quickly as I did. And in the beginning,
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: we thought we were going to have a miscarriage because
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: I went for that first ultrasound and there was nothing there,
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: no nothing like there was a There was an empty sack,
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: no heartbeat, no baby, nothing. And I was certain of
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: my dates. And the midwife said to me, well, you
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: have one. She's so little, no big deal. And I
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: was like, I don't I still care.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: That's uneclipical.
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And it was the midwife, and I was I
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: was actually going to switch practices to her, and I
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: decided I was going to stay with my original practice.
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: And that original practice, we're super encouraging. This happens all
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: the time. We see this all the time. Don't worry
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: about it. Come back in a week and a half
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: or two weeks and we'll try again, and we'll see,
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: you know, maybe the baby will be there. And I
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: went back two weeks later and he was there to
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: the day of what I thought he would be. Heartbeat
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: and everything, Like in the beginning, it's exact, like they
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: can measure it to the day, and he was there
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: to the day. And I kind of wanted to call
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: that other midwife and do that you know that pretty
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: woman scene, You're like, do you do you work on commission?
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: Big mistake? I want to like you, really, that is
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: a big mistake working on commission when you're a midwife
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: for Bethany Mandel. And so I really wanted to be like,
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: I'm going to go to that first practice who were
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: not dismissive and nasty about the fact that I thought.
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: How much it comes the healthcare industry too, like they
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: should know better people who are dealing with women all
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: the time. Like at one point during my first miscarriage,
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: it was so like just such a whirlwind. I went
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: from like, you know, am I gonna lose my baby?
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: To my baby's gone? To am I gonna make it
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: through this? Like what's happening? And at some point I
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: just what I really needed was a doctor to just
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: be like, you had a miscarriage, it's not your fault.
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: We're taking like it's all Like I just kind of
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: needed someone to like because I kind of summarize and
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: explain and I was just feeling all these emotions. And
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: so I finally was like, all right, I'm gonna ask
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: one of these doctors like to just give me like
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: I just needed something kind of comforting, and I made
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: the mistake of doing it right before I had the DNC.
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: So it's the surgeon. And you know, surgeons are not
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: the nicest the bed They're not famous for their good
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: bedside manner. And for some reason he thought I framed
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: the question as like questioning his decisions, and so then
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: he went off and was like, I don't know why
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: they even gave you an extra blood transplant. You probably
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: did need that, and I was like, I haven't asked
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: for any of these blood transplants, Like it was just
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: very weird. I just needed someone to be like, it's okay,
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: you didn't do anything. This this happens, and you're gonna
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: be okay. And I did have there was a nurse
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: who was telling me that she was like, my daughter
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: had this and then she had more kids and like
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: that stuff was always so encouraging. But I'm just kind
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: of shocked by I mean, I guess for them it's
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: really routine, but for you to go in and you're
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: having one of the worst days of your life and
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: people are just kind of like, oh, well, you.
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: Know, well did between the first miscarriage and the third
• 29:35
  Speaker 6: look like, were you you? I mean, you're probably driving
• 29:38
  Speaker 6: yourself crazy trying to work out what was wrong?
• 29:40
  Speaker 7: Did you go in for tests to do do a
• 29:43
  Speaker 7: lot of research, because I think we've spoken slightly about
• 29:47
  Speaker 7: this before, and I remember you saying to me like,
• 29:50
  Speaker 7: one miss carriage doesn't feel as much as there is
• 29:54
  Speaker 7: something wrong, but three is kind of a passon.
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's interesting. A lot of people will have one,
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: I mean a lot of you know, it's not uncommon
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: to hear someone say that they've had one miscarriage, but
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: having three in a row is a statistical anomaly. And
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: I used to be like, oh, oh, I have statistics
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: on my side. How bad you know? And then it
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: just kept getting worse and I was like, this is crazy.
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: And we never really got an explanation for it. So
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: we did do the DNA testing, my husband and I
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: various other tests. I did get a I do have
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: low progesterone was something I was finally tested for. And
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: I but I had been on progesterone sublet supplements for
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: the previous two pregnancies and they hadn't done anything so
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: with this one. I don't know if I just really
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: looked out finally I did, like get really aggressive with
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: the progesterone. So this time I started it immediately after conception.
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: I was on four hundred milligrams, and I was taking
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: it intra vaginally, so instead of taking the pill, you
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: just put it exactly where it needs to be. And
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: I don't know if that was the deciding factor, but
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: you know, I'm happy, You're really happy to have this pregnancy.
• 31:03
  Speaker 7: Now.
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: So did your doctor, I mean, obviously your doctor had
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: to prescribe that, right, Like did you have to advocate
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: for that for yourself or was it your doctor's idea?
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: I did, And that's a.
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: Great question because this is why I was trying to
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: do research talk to a lot of people. I think
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: if I hadn't said anything, they might have done because
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: I had previously been on two hundred milligrams and like
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: just like taking the pill that you swallow and that's
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: it's just not as effective, it's not as much. And
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: so with them, I was like, all right, I know
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: I have apparently have no other issues, but I know
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: that I do have low progesterone. How can I beef
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: this up even more to make sure this is like
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: the best possible remedy that it can be. And I
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: talked to my doctor and she had initially was just
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: going to give me pills to take, and I was like,
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: I've heard that it's a little bit potentially better. The
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: science is a little shaky, but there's like some evidence
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: that it is better if you do it internationally. And
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: she was like, Okay, I'm going to get you those pills.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Do you like went and talked to another doctor and
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: looked into it, and she goes like, all right, this
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: is what we're.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Going to do.
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: So I strongly recommend being that person when you're pregnant
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: and when you have a child as well. A lot
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: of people are nervous to second guest doctors and to
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: like kind of go toe to toe with someone who
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: obviously has the upper hand, you know, in expertise, but
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: like you care more about yourself than they care about you,
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: and you've taken the time to do the research about
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: your specific circumstance. That was that was the right move.
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not like you know, I feel like most
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: of us see a lot of different doctors. You don't
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: have one doctor who knows your entire history is intimately familiar,
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: so you kind of have to put those pieces together
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: and it sucks, but that's just the way that it
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: is if you want to have good care. I ended
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: up switching my obgyn because I felt like putting in
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: enough effort to really help me figure out get to
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: the bottom of things. And my new OBI was incredible.
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: With this pregnancy, I went every single week for an ultrasound.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: They were so encouraging and helpful, even one week when
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: I was out of town, because I was so like,
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: I was like a ball of anxiety for the first
• 33:11
  Speaker 4: twelve weeks of this pregnancy. And this was Kara sug Justin. Actually,
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: when I was out of town for Thanksgiving, I was
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: in Oklahoma, and I was like, I'm going to not
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: have an ultrasound for like two weeks and it's gonna
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: kill me.
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: Like what am I going to do?
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: And you can just go to a clinic and pay
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: like sixty bucks or whatever and just get an ultrasound.
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: And I did, and it was I think at that
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: point it was maybe it was either eight weeks or
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: twelve something. That was like a big milestt yeah, And
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: I just remember coming out of that appointment being so relieved,
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: and it was just like every time I would go
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: feel my baby's heartbeat and now he's kicking, which is great,
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: and I can feel him all the time every day. Wow,
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: it's been such a blessing. Like he's so he's very
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: very mobile. I feel like more than THEO, which is
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: like been the best thing.
• 33:56
  Speaker 6: So was there a certain week that you got with
• 34:00
  Speaker 6: this pregnancy that you're like, who, I can breathe again,
• 34:04
  Speaker 6: this is gonna be okay.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: It has to have been some way, like halfway through
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: my second trimester, because even at like twelve weeks and
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: then thirteen, and I was nervous about going off the
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: progesterone because I think that you can. I think my
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: doctor had said that I could do ten weeks, but
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: that I could also keep doing it through twelve. And
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: I remember being like, I'm going to do it as
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: long as possible. But then someone had told me this
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: horror story about someone like going off too early and
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: then still having a miscarriage. My doctor is like, you
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: really don't need to do more than twelve. So then
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: I was like nervous for a few weeks after that,
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: and then until I started feeling kicks, because then it
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: was like I wasn't going in every week hearing the heartbeat,
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: and I wasn't feeling my baby's kicks, so I didn't know.
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: And then I started feeling the kicks and every since
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: then it's been every single day and I'm like okay,
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: And then every time I started to get nervous, I
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: like feel him and I'm.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: Like, okay, you're doing okay in there.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: So hey, everybody, it's May. And you know what that means, Well,
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: it depends where you live. If you're up here, it's
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: beautiful with fragrant flowers. If you're down south, you're may
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: be thinking, oh, the hot time is coming. What is certain, however,
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: is that at some point you're gonna be looking at
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: your computer in May, and you're gonna want to be
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: entertained in May. And no matter how much yard work
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: or traveling you want to do, sometimes you're going to
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: want to steal a look at your phone and see
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: what's new Ricochet dot com. That's where you'll get the
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: good civil center, right conversation you've been looking for all
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: your life on the internet. Why not go? Why not
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: join this May?
• 35:40
  Speaker 5: You said you're twenty six weeks when we air this,
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: you'll be farther along. Have you been telling people that
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: you're pregnant or not yet.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: I well, I'm starting to get to the point where
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: I'm showing, so I can't. I kind of have to
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: tell people, but I haven't posted it on Instagram, you know,
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: and that's when it's really official. So I'll.
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: Maybe this could be how you announce it.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so. I think that'll be perfect. But yeah,
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: I'm just starting to get to the point where I
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: am telling more people. But it's it's weird how long
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: it's kind of taken me to feel like, okay, like
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: this is I'm going to meet this baby, Like I
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: actually need to go buy a new bassinette and make
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: plans like we're gonna see I.
• 36:20
  Speaker 7: Uh.
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: The first time I met one of my one of
• 36:22
  Speaker 5: now like good friends, we met them at a wedding
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: and she was eight months pregnant, I think, and uh,
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: I'm I'm a big believer in not asking people if
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: they're pregnant, you just never but she was so clearly
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: eight months pregnant. She was enormous and a skinny woman
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: otherwise that I said something to her and she said,
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: how did you know?
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: I thought she was.
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: Kidding and I was like, I have eyes, like you're
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: obviously very pregnant, and she had had so many miscarriages
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: that they weren't telling anyone, and they were so scared
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: to tell anyone, and me point blank asking them was
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: like the icebreaker for them. And so then at the
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: wedding that we were at, they they, you know, told
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: the people like because we always a friend wedding, and
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: so she told people at the wedding, by the way,
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: and everyone was like, yeah, yeah, we knew about two
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: months ago. We just we knew because they knew the
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: whole backstory they had, like they had had half a
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: dozen miscarriages, had had like moved to another country that
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: had free IVF, tried that didn't work, gave up, came
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: back to America and accidentally got pregnant and then that
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: was it. And then she went on to have several
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: more babies after that because the like infertility, miscarriage cycle,
• 37:54
  Speaker 5: whatever what is going on was broken by that baby,
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: and she went on to have any more children, many
• 38:01
  Speaker 5: of them were accidental.
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: Was IVF something you have would considered money?
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: No, I mean I.
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: I personally wouldn't do it, But it was something that
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: was mentioned to me for the first time after my
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: third miscarriage, and it felt kind of like like a
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: big deal. I was like, oh, like, we're at that
• 38:23
  Speaker 4: point where my doctor is saying, maybe you could be
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: doing IVF, but it's just it's not something that I
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: would want to do. I think it would be too difficult.
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: I also don't want to have extra embryos floating around
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: trying to figure out what to do with them. We
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: were just kind of like this was we actually kind
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: of had an ultimatum for this current pregnancy. We were like,
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: I'm not you kind of like, are like, what is
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: your threshold? Like how many pregnants or how many miscarriages
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: can you deal with? I don't know if you had
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: asked me before all this happened, like what my number
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: would have been. But I was, you know, after two,
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: I was like, all right, but it's not going to
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: be three, Like I can't, you know. And then after
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: three I was like, all right, I'm going to do
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: one more and then if it doesn't happen, we're just
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: gonna like either wait a few years or just give
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: up and just have one kid, Like this is going
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: to be I'm not gonna I'm not trying it in
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: after this, And then you know, here we are at
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: twenty six weeks, which I'm really grateful for, but it
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: is weird when you start going through so many and
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: my perspective kind of shifted on the when you tell people,
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: because on the one hand, like, if you want to
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: have support from your community, it's it's not wrong to
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: celebrate with them early, to let them know that you're pregnant,
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: and then get their support afterwards. But by the end
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: of it, I was like, I just I can't have this,
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: keep having this like, oh, every three months, Maddie's miscarrying,
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: like you know. It was just it was it was
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: really rough.
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: Did people ask you, like, what's the hold up? Like
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: when are you going to give them a sibling?
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: Well you did? I think, sorry about that, but it
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: was okay, did I was pregnant? Did?
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: But what did I say afterwards?
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: I don't. I don't remember.
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: I said, thank god you said that, because that's the
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: first time I've ever done that. Yes, And I felt
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: like such a jerk because that's one of my cardinal
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: rules is to never do that. And then I did
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: it like a total jerk to you. And the second
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: I hit send, I was like, damn it damn it.
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: Why did I do that?
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: Because I remember I was like, oh, I get to
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: tell her I'm pregnant because you didn't know yet.
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: No, but that was a real jerk move on my part,
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: and I never ever do that because some it was
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: a different miscarriage, or maybe it was, Yeah, it was
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: a different miscarriage. I was miscarrying the day that I
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: ordered a minivan.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: Wait bed Bethany two or three three two.
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: Two, and that one was a bad one. That was
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: later and it was really painful. And I happened to
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: get a minivan because my I was dry having like
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: this four door sedan like a normal car, and I
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: had two kids at the time, and the air conditioner
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: never worked, never, not once, and so I decided, like,
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: we want to have another baby, let's just let's just
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: scale up and go to a minivan. I'm done here.
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: And we made that decision totally irregardless of having a
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: third I was pregnant, whatever, but it takes a while
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: to like do a other paperwork whatever. So we got
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: the van the day I started miscarrying, and I remember
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: standing in the driveway signing for the mini van literally
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: doubled over and I like had bled through at least
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: one pad and I felt the blood going down my
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: leg on the second pad and I was like, gotta go.
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: Thanks for the car. And to make myself feel better,
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: I posted a selfie of like, look at me and
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: my minivan. I'm I've now officially a suburban mom with
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: two kids in a minivan.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: And it was like.
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: Comments about having another baby, and I'm laying in bed
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: miscarrying reading the of comments and I was like, probably
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: should have thought this one through and saw those comments coming,
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: but they really stung because that pregnancy I really was.
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: I was down for that one and it hurt. That
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: was the thing that surprised me the most was how
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: painful it was. And I was like, you crawd nine
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: ten weeks.
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: It's like labor, because I guess you have to you contract.
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: I was given an oxy conone for one of my miscarriages.
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: For which one the first one.
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: No for one of the later ones. First one, I
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: don't joke afterwards. No, Yeah, it's really painful.
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And that was what surprised me the most. I
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: remember calling my midwife and being like, I am in
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: agony and she was like, well, yeah, what did you
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: think this was going to feel like and I was like,
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: I never thought about it. And the first one it
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: was pretty early. I think I was only like six weeks.
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: That was the one that I was like devastated that
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: I was pregnant, and so that one didn't hurt that much.
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: It was like a bad period. But that second one,
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: where I was like ten weeks, that one was that
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: was brutal.
• 43:26
  Speaker 6: Mm hmm.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: I feel like one of the points in favor of
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: telling people about your pregnancy and about your miscarriages is
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: so that they can be sensitive. But at the same time,
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: I do think more people need to be aware. You
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: never assume a woman is pregnant. Maybe it's just her
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: post belly, maybe it's just her belly. And never ask
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: a woman, you know, when are oh, when are you
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: gonna have another one? Because I did and that did
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: happen a lot. People would say stuff like that and
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: I'd be like, as soon as I can, we're trying.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, did you ever like angrily say did you miscarry
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: to somebody?
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: Like No, I mean people are always and they're just
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: like trying to make conversations.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: That would me.
• 44:12
  Speaker 5: Just saying like the most nasty thing back I had
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: a Trader Joe's cashier asked me how many weeks I
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: was when I was holding a newborn in my arms,
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: and I had I had filled the car seat with groceries,
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: and so I was holding the newborn and it was
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: like new new newborn. It was maybe a week old.
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: And he asked me when I was due. And I
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: saw the other cashiers just like WinCE a little bit.
• 44:39
  Speaker 5: And I was holding the baby like this, and I
• 44:42
  Speaker 5: was like, about a week ago. That that that's that's
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: when I was due.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: That's the perfect answer.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: What did they say?
• 44:51
  Speaker 5: He didn't even realize he had made a total social congratulations.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you calm, but guy data things.
• 45:01
  Speaker 5: So I saw him do it like six months later
• 45:04
  Speaker 5: to another woman and I could tell she felt like
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: absolute garbage. And I followed her to the parking lot
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: and I was like, girl, you look amazing. And also,
• 45:14
  Speaker 5: he did that to me six months ago when I
• 45:15
  Speaker 5: was holding a one week old?
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: How was he a repeat offender? And he even tried
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: to call him out on it.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: I know he was.
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: He was totally oblivious. Yeah, I mean I was about
• 45:25
  Speaker 5: to say, there's a reason why he's so he's a
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: cashier at Trader Joe's. But they're actually all really wonderful.
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Trader Joe's is normally they're pretty good.
• 45:33
  Speaker 5: They're wonderful. I'm besties with many Trader Joe's employees, and
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: I expected better of him.
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: Maybe if he was a cashier at like a second
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: rate supermarket, I would have made that smear. But not
• 45:48
  Speaker 5: at Trader Joe's. I expect more mm hmm, lower expectations
• 45:54
  Speaker 5: on those guys.
• 45:55
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it's shocking the I mean, while I first got pregnant,
• 46:00
  Speaker 7: I was constantly scared that I was going to miscarry
• 46:02
  Speaker 7: because I feel like every woman does that up until
• 46:04
  Speaker 7: twelve weeks.
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: And I'm a google in like every week like chances
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: of mess carriage at four weeks, chances of mess carriage
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: at five weeks, and it shocking the high mm hmmm,
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: it's in the high.
• 46:18
  Speaker 5: Emily Oaster has a really good chart. I basically toggle
• 46:21
  Speaker 5: between two Emily Oaster charts when I'm pregnant, the miscarriage
• 46:26
  Speaker 5: rates chart and then how long am I going to
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: be pregnant?
• 46:29
  Speaker 6: Chart?
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: And those are my two How long am I going
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: to be pregnant?
• 46:35
  Speaker 5: She has also in a chart in her book expecting better.
• 46:38
  Speaker 5: She also has a chart the odds of spontaneous labor
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: by by week of pregnancy, and so it's like thirty six,
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: thirty seven, thirty two, and it shows like the odds
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: of spontaneous labor per week.
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: So you love how you get to have anxiety on
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: both ends.
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well I think so. I The chart used to
• 46:59
  Speaker 5: make me a better though, because the title of that
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: last chapter is you won't be pregnant forever, and there
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: was one of I think it was my fourth, my fifth,
• 47:12
  Speaker 5: or my sixth pregnancy. I recorded an Instagram video the
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: night before and I was like, I think Emily Oster
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: is wrong. She says I'm not gonna be pregnant forever,
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: but clearly I am. And I think that that point
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: where you've lost all hope, that's the night before you
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: have that's the night before you have the baby, that
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: night before you're like, this is it. I can't do anymore.
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: I'm done. I've accepted it, and this is this is
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: my life now.
• 47:43
  Speaker 6: Because a week before I got to that point, I
• 47:46
  Speaker 6: was like, I'm gonna wake up with the baby every night.
• 47:49
  Speaker 6: I was gonna be like, tonight's the night I'm gonna
• 47:51
  Speaker 6: go in today. But and then like that week past
• 47:53
  Speaker 6: and I was like, I'm gonna be two weekscite, I'm
• 47:56
  Speaker 6: never gonna get this baby out with me.
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: It's it's gonna be much about not good.
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: And yeah, I mean that's also the case in labor
• 48:04
  Speaker 5: at transition. When you think you're going to die, that's it,
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: that's the endpoint.
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: I don't know I go to that love.
• 48:12
  Speaker 5: Now, you know, Yeah, did Maddie? Did you what did
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: you do last time? And what do you plan to
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: do this time?
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: Oh? I'm getting I'm getting an epidural.
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: That's uffe.
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: What. You don't want to reach that point where you
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: think you're going to die. That's not a feeling to you.
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: No, no, Although we were talking about this the other day,
• 48:30
  Speaker 4: I didn't realize you can like get more epidural. It's
• 48:33
  Speaker 4: not just like you get the epidural like you can
• 48:35
  Speaker 4: get up at rugs.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't.
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: No one, No one showed me a butt.
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: I don't even know that.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: As much as I could.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: They just finally they didn't admit me to the hospital
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: for the longest time because I wasn't dilated enough, and
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: then they made me walk around the hospital for an hour.
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: Finally they let me in. I got the epidural. I
• 48:53
  Speaker 4: felt like I was going to fall asleep. I was
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: just like at peace with the world, and then it
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: just totally wore off. I didn't know I could get more.
• 49:01
  Speaker 4: But it was fun because then I pushed and my
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: labor was just a few like a real labor. After
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: I had a long day of early labor, but I
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: think I was admitted in the hospital for like four
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: hours and then THEO was out.
• 49:13
  Speaker 6: So when I was pregnant Bethany, I remember saying me
• 49:17
  Speaker 6: and Mattie were talking about Beth and she was telling
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: me what goes on, and she was like, you're gonna
• 49:22
  Speaker 6: have an appa jeral and I was thinking, hon't sitting up.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: I don't think I'm gonna get She was like, will see.
• 49:31
  Speaker 6: And then as I would scream up the average er
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: all pressing that button down as bad as I could,
• 49:36
  Speaker 6: I saw Maddie's face and the psych.
• 49:39
  Speaker 5: So I had that moment. But with John put Harretz,
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: I was when I was pregnant with my oldest. So
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: I when I was a kid, I was like ten
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: years old, maybe eleven, I accidentally walked in on my
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: mom having a spinal tap, and so I had a
• 49:58
  Speaker 5: deep anxiety needles in my spine and I was like, no,
• 50:03
  Speaker 5: thank you. And it was funny because when I had
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: my first and I told my stepfather that I had
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: not had an epidural, he immediately said, it's because of
• 50:11
  Speaker 5: that spinal tap of your mom, and I was like, yes,
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: that is why.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: Why was she having a spinal tap?
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: My mom was sick my whole life, and so she
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: died when I was sixteen, and so she needed a
• 50:21
  Speaker 5: spinal tap once and I accidentally walked in because it
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: sounded like they were murdering her. So I wanted to
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: check where I were murdering my mother, and so I
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: burst through. They tried to stop me. No one could
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: stop me. I had to go check on my mom,
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: and I walked in, and then my mom decided that
• 50:39
  Speaker 5: I had to stay and hold her hand for emotional support.
• 50:43
  Speaker 5: Why that was not a good idea. So then I
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: had to watch it and it was so traumatic for
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: me that I was like, So when I was pregnant
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: with my oldest and I started reading about epidurals, I
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: had a panic attack and I didn't sleep that whole night,
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: and I was like, I cannot. Whatever it takes for
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: me not to have a needle in my spine, I
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: will do that. And so the whole pregnancy, I was
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: working at commentary with Seth and John was teasing me
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: that you're gonna you're gonna buckle, You're.
• 51:12
  Speaker 8: Gonna buckle, You're gonna need an epidural. You're not gonna
• 51:15
  Speaker 8: be able to do it. And I took all these
• 51:17
  Speaker 8: like Bradley birth classes so that I wouldn't need one whatever,
• 51:21
  Speaker 8: and I in labor said, like, in the worst of it,
• 51:27
  Speaker 8: they told me to switch positions so that I was
• 51:29
  Speaker 8: hugging the back of the bed and I thought that
• 51:31
  Speaker 8: they were trying to trick me into giving me an
• 51:33
  Speaker 8: epidural because my back was exposed. And I started screw
• 51:37
  Speaker 8: and you become like a psychotic, paranoid lunatic, and I
• 51:40
  Speaker 8: was like, do not come me.
• 51:42
  Speaker 5: Over with a needle.
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: I don't want a needle.
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: I've been very clear, and they were like, we've literally
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: never heard a woman say that before in this moment.
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: And then at the end of it, when I had
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: her and never had the epidural, I looked at Seth
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: and I was like, how long until I can text
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: John he was like, maybe let's tell my parents first
• 52:04
  Speaker 5: and the hospital.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: You're like, I know it.
• 52:07
  Speaker 5: I'm pretty sure. My first tweet tagged him and so
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: then he got all the notifications.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: That's when you know you too online.
• 52:17
  Speaker 5: And I've mentioned it it pre like at subsequent births too,
• 52:21
  Speaker 5: because I've never had an epidural and I think about
• 52:24
  Speaker 5: John every time. Every single time. It's like one of
• 52:28
  Speaker 5: my first lasts. I'm like, John was wrong again.
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: That motivation though, that's why you were know it really is.
• 52:33
  Speaker 5: I am such a stubborn person that I actually I
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: am very grateful for John for saying I couldn't do it,
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: because it really empowered me to do it.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: So thank you John.
• 52:42
  Speaker 5: Who listens to this podcast.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: Oh god, my.
• 52:45
  Speaker 5: Husband's bluss listens to this podcast and graphic that's it awkward?
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: Wait do you know that?
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 52:55
  Speaker 5: He texts me like an hour.
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:57
  Speaker 6: And because I'm such a huge jap and I listened
• 53:00
  Speaker 6: to glomb as well as the contract.
• 53:04
  Speaker 5: I know. I love John. He's like he's like my
• 53:07
  Speaker 5: uncle and he like he will text me as if
• 53:11
  Speaker 5: and I'm so glad that he does this because I
• 53:13
  Speaker 5: sometimes do this with commentary and sometimes I create a
• 53:16
  Speaker 5: group chat with everyone who was on the commentary podcast
• 53:19
  Speaker 5: that day so that I can live react to the
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: things that they say. So John, I sometimes will do
• 53:26
  Speaker 5: that too, and so I appreciate that he does it
• 53:28
  Speaker 5: to me because then I don't feel guilty doing it
• 53:29
  Speaker 5: to him. But if John, if you could not mention
• 53:33
  Speaker 5: this entire episode to Seth, I would appreciate it.
• 53:37
  Speaker 6: Okay, So what I what I will say about the
• 53:38
  Speaker 6: apic deral because I hear a lot of people say
• 53:40
  Speaker 6: that that, like it sounds really intent. I'm not great
• 53:45
  Speaker 6: with needles, and I feel like the Epic dual has
• 53:48
  Speaker 6: come a long way because I don't think I even.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: Remembered it going in. Really yeah, yeah, I didn't feel
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: it go in.
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: I feel like I could move versus needle, which one's worse.
• 54:02
  Speaker 7: Yeah, But I could move and I could and I
• 54:06
  Speaker 7: could walk as to like, like, I think I had
• 54:10
  Speaker 7: a pretty good one, all.
• 54:12
  Speaker 5: Right, there's different ones. I think.
• 54:16
  Speaker 6: There's like a walking out the door in it saved
• 54:19
  Speaker 6: me from what I thought was going to be my
• 54:20
  Speaker 6: last few moments.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: Stuck this needle in my back and I was saying, great.
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: Too, scared. It's funny because I with coffee irons. I
• 54:32
  Speaker 5: know with coffee, I don't ever want to try it
• 54:36
  Speaker 5: because I've never had coffee, and I I don't want
• 54:39
  Speaker 5: to try it at this point because it would be
• 54:42
  Speaker 5: too disappointing to know that I've gone this long and
• 54:45
  Speaker 5: I could have been far more functional.
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: Than I have been.
• 54:48
  Speaker 5: You would be too powerful with coffee.
• 54:50
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't know if there's
• 54:51
  Speaker 6: something insult, but you don't seem like someone who doesn't
• 54:54
  Speaker 6: drink coffee.
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: I've never had coffee.
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: That's not crazy.
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: I had like a tiny sip in college while my
• 55:00
  Speaker 5: friend darkye.
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: Coke would like, now we'll drink That's another thing.
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: I eat too much sugar. That's how I stay awake.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: But you're you're very kind of chaosic person. How is
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: no coffee involved?
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: Probably ADHD. It's great. I can write a column in
• 55:21
  Speaker 5: like forty five minutes on my phone.
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: That's yeah. That's that's too powerful. You would take over
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: the world with coffee.
• 55:27
  Speaker 5: No, I mean I so I've taken et cetern a
• 55:31
  Speaker 5: few times, like only twice actually, because it made me
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: really shaky and I felt like I was out of control.
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: What is that?
• 55:39
  Speaker 5: It's migraine medicine, but it has caffeine in it, right,
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: and I couldn't handle it, and I felt like I
• 55:45
  Speaker 5: was on drugs and I couldn't couldn't deal. But anyway,
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: I'm saying the coffee thing because I don't want to
• 55:52
  Speaker 5: try coffee now because what if it makes me really
• 55:54
  Speaker 5: happy and functional? And I've just wasted eleven years of
• 55:57
  Speaker 5: my life not being happy and functional that I don't
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: feel that way about an epidural I I I'm not interested.
• 56:05
  Speaker 5: I'm so scared. I would rather die.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: I feel like to die so dramatic.
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: I would rather die than having fine, you are insane.
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: I only felt like I was going to die four
• 56:20
  Speaker 5: out of the six times. The fifth and the sixth
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: time I was like coherent enough to realize I wasn't dying.
• 56:27
  Speaker 5: But I said goodbye to Seth a few times.
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: Poor Seth.
• 56:33
  Speaker 5: He knew he was fine. He took the birth class
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: with me and so like the they told him, like,
• 56:38
  Speaker 5: when she's in transition, she'll think that she's dying, and
• 56:41
  Speaker 5: you know whatever, you'll get a window into what dying.
• 56:44
  Speaker 5: Bethany looks like, well, she.
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: Are you going to get it too? That Maddie I
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: might I.
• 56:53
  Speaker 4: My birth experience was pretty good with THEO actually, but
• 56:56
  Speaker 4: it was just a little weird because it was like
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: the tail end of COVID still in twenty twenty two,
• 57:01
  Speaker 4: but it was one like the omicron variant or something
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: where I had been told I could have my husband
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: and my mom is like my quote unquote midwife. But
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: we got there and the it was just the intake
• 57:12
  Speaker 4: nurse was so mean. She was like, you're you can't
• 57:16
  Speaker 4: like you need a real midwife, your mom. You're trying
• 57:18
  Speaker 4: to sneak your mom in here. I was like, I
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: was in so much pain. I'm like, who said anything
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: about sneaking. I just want my mom and my husband
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: and my mom had like flown up from Georgia that
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: morning so she could be there at the birth. And
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: then my husband's like looking up on the website at
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: their rules and he's like it says that you can
• 57:36
  Speaker 4: have to support people and the nurses like that's only
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: if the baby dies. I was like, why would you
• 57:42
  Speaker 4: use the phrase baby dies while a woman like, can
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: you just say something else? Also, it was not it
• 57:49
  Speaker 4: was just not true. That wasn't their policy, but they
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: wouldn't let my mom in it was very sad, and.
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: So I was just like crying this time dilated.
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's the plan. I'm I kind of have a
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: feeling that I'm going to give birth really quickly. I
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: don't know. I'm kind of nervous. But if there's enough time.
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: She's already planning on coming up the weekend that he's
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: due new baby, so as long as he doesn't come early,
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: she'll hopefully be here.
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: Was the early he was.
• 58:15
  Speaker 4: Two days late, which was perfect actually because then he
• 58:18
  Speaker 4: was born on two twenty two, twenty twenty two, which
• 58:20
  Speaker 4: is just that's so fun, the coolest birthday.
• 58:23
  Speaker 5: Are you too young to remember that song? I think
• 58:25
  Speaker 5: it's my dashboard confessional.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: The time is too twenty two. No, I've never made
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: myself every good to him? That's fine.
• 58:35
  Speaker 8: I never heard of.
• 58:37
  Speaker 5: Nope, Lord almighty, how you heard of it? No, well,
• 58:44
  Speaker 5: this was a great show.
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: Maybe I should be embarrassed. Sometimes I will. I listened
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: to the podcast and then carge that like, doesn't know
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: anything that you're talking about Bethany when it comes out.
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: But now I'm in the same You've got to watch
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: Dirty Dancing.
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll Maybe I'll go off and watch Anette ever,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: not Nava Jesus, I know, I know you'll have to
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: find me a list necks trying to save me.
• 59:13
  Speaker 5: He's he's So I'm not like I've never seen the Godfather.
• 59:17
  Speaker 5: Like I'm not the person to yell at you out.
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: Remember when we went to that Godfather You've.
• 59:24
  Speaker 6: And Ted Cruz has just stood there talking about the
• 59:26
  Speaker 6: Godfather and me and you were just like, what the
• 59:28
  Speaker 6: hat is going on?
• 59:29
  Speaker 5: I thought that they were going to show us the
• 59:31
  Speaker 5: Godfather at that and so I was like, I had
• 59:34
  Speaker 5: allotted hours. I looked up how long it was. I
• 59:36
  Speaker 5: hired the babysitter for that long, and I was like,
• 59:38
  Speaker 5: finally I'm going to see the Godfather and I'm going
• 59:40
  Speaker 5: to hang out with Ted Cruise. This sounds like so
• 59:41
  Speaker 5: much fun. And then he just sat there and talked
• 59:44
  Speaker 5: about it and you.
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: And I just very insidery stuff as well.
• 59:47
  Speaker 6: So you have to be like a pretty big Godfather
• 59:49
  Speaker 6: fan to enjoy this thing that with me and Bethany
• 59:52
  Speaker 6: Sassage for two hours.
• 59:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and then we just ducked out and then we
• 59:56
  Speaker 5: saw you there, didn't we no, no, who did we
• 59:59
  Speaker 5: see then? I don't know, but then we just ducked out,
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 5: and then someone popped their head out to yell at
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 5: us that we were talking too loudly in the lobby, right,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 5: we should back the senator ted cruise.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 3: You're about a rap rapper than me, all right? Well,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: and she know she got six kids. That was a
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: good one. Yeah.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we need to slip a few more
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: inny windows in here before.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 5: We got very explicit actually on this episode what we.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: And then I say we, I mean me, we didn't
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: wear either, and you usually shouted.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 5: Me because I'm trying to take that explicit e thing
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 5: off our podcasts so that people can listen to it
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 5: around their kids. But I don't know if they should
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 5: listen to this episode around their kids. Yeah, probably not.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: What would have worn out of the begin.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 5: Well, thank you Maddie for coming on. This was a
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 5: little bit of a roller coaster.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: Thank you. I really appreciate it.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: But this was really fun.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: And this is the problem with podcasting with your friends
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 5: because then you dish too much and then you remember, oh,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 5: this is a podcast and not a hangout.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 3: The next one we can just that'll be fun with
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: all the pins.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 6: I don't know.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 5: Until next time we should have you on again. Maybe
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 5: we'll maybe we'll have you on in like six months,
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: and you'll tell us how it's going.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: Number two that sounds perfect. I will be very hormonal
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 4: and very ready to chat.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 5: Love it, love it, and maybe then you'll you'll TMI
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 5: everyone and it won't just be me. Yes, absolutely yeah,
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 5: all right, until next time, Thank everyone for listening. Be
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 5: sure to subscribe to the substack and the podcast wherever
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 5: you listen to your podcast Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever. Be
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 5: sure to leave us a five star review, but only
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 5: if you like our show. Don't tell our husbands about
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 5: this episode, and until next time. Saddleite Ricochet
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 4: Join the conversation