Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Abusers Hide Your Things (And Help You Look For Them)

Transcript

Why Abusers Hide Your Things (And Help You Look For Them) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Oh hey, I didn't see you there, I'm just joking y'all.
• 0:04
  Why do abusive narcissistic people hide your things and
• 0:10
  didn't have the audacity the the unmitigated gall to help you
• 0:16
  look for them? Why the hell is that a thing?
• 0:19
  Why the hell is this even a thing?
• 0:21
  Why is this a topic of discussion if we talk about
• 0:25
  today, y'all? Of course, if you're new here,
• 0:27
  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist, and
• 0:29
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:31
  Let's go. What's up folks?
• 0:51
  What's up, beautiful folks? Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
• 0:53
  beautiful folks. What is going on?
• 0:55
  Why do they hide their stuff y'all?
• 0:57
  Why do this type? Why does a person with this
• 0:59
  personality type, an abusive personality type, a narcissistic
• 1:02
  personality type even? Why do they like to see you
• 1:05
  going crazy? Why do they like to see you
• 1:08
  losing your cool and losing hopping out of character?
• 1:11
  Why the hell do they like doing that?
• 1:13
  Isn't it crazy y'all? Isn't it crazy?
• 1:16
  Didn't know they did this. Yup, a lot of them do.
• 1:19
  Hi, everyone's going to enjoy Yep, they all the lot do ACT
• 1:22
  similarly yes yeah, but this why they do this type of stuff right
• 1:26
  here. Why, why, why I'm going to need
• 1:30
  you to perspective of a diagnosed narcissist today on it
• 1:32
  exactly why they do this type of stuff, y'all and it's it's going
• 1:34
  to sound crazy. It's going to sound stupid to
• 1:36
  say right here because you might come home one day or you might
• 1:39
  you might be getting ready to leave.
• 1:41
  This is just bear with me. You might be come home one day.
• 1:43
  You might be getting ready to leave and all of a sudden you
• 1:46
  can't find your damn keys. Your wallet is missing your
• 1:50
  birth certificate, your passport, your boarding pass.
• 1:53
  You can't find it for some reason.
• 1:55
  Your phone, you look everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
• 1:59
  You think I could have let I I don't know where it say I could
• 2:02
  have let I know I could have sworn I left it right here.
• 2:05
  And guess what you panicking and the person you with, they'll
• 2:08
  just they step sit there. I'll help you find it.
• 2:10
  And guess what? They know exactly where it is
• 2:13
  and somehow you are. Look.
• 2:15
  You already don't look. You don't look and saw it.
• 2:18
  You don't look right under that pillow.
• 2:20
  You toe the whole living room up, but suddenly they look under
• 2:23
  that same pillow and it's there. Huh.
• 2:29
  This is what happens. This is literally what happens
• 2:33
  when I said they're like ferrets, They like the like the
• 2:35
  lift yourself. Yes.
• 2:36
  Yep, Yep, Yep. That's crazy, isn't it?
• 2:39
  This is where they go right here, y'all?
• 2:41
  This is literally where they go. This is literally the mentality,
• 2:44
  the mindset of abusive narcissistic people.
• 2:46
  This how it goes. They like to see this type of
• 2:48
  stuff. They like to see you panicking.
• 2:50
  They like to see you losing control.
• 2:52
  And they like to some of them, yeah.
• 2:54
  It's just, it's just a sinister mindset.
• 2:56
  It really is sinister. You have, you might be
• 2:59
  absolutely actually dealing with a devilish person.
• 3:03
  They like to see you, they like to see you sweating.
• 3:06
  They like to see you losing control.
• 3:07
  They like to see you going left and right sideways.
• 3:11
  They love it because it gives them a it gives them a feeling
• 3:14
  of control. It gives them a feeling of
• 3:17
  being, being powerful, right? And sometimes it teaches you a
• 3:21
  lesson. They sometimes they just want to
• 3:22
  teach you a lesson, right? You could be having a good day
• 3:26
  and they are having a bad day and they're jealous of your good
• 3:29
  day. So now they want to throw a
• 3:31
  monkey wrench and you're a good day.
• 3:35
  How crazy is it that right there?
• 3:37
  How crazy is it that you just because you're having a good
• 3:41
  day, they want to throw a monkey wrench in it and then do this
• 3:44
  type of stuff? Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 3:47
  They want to ruin your day because their day has already
• 3:51
  been ruined. What's going on?
• 3:53
  But this is the mentality. It really is.
• 3:57
  You get jealous people, you get, you get the jealousy, you get
• 3:59
  the control dynamic and you sometimes, yeah.
• 4:02
  And yeah, I know a lot of y'all can attest to this right here.
• 4:05
  A lot of y'all can talk about this right here.
• 4:08
  A lot of narcissistic people, a lot of abusers suffer from
• 4:12
  chronic boredom, right? Chronic boredom.
• 4:18
  They're just bored and because they are bored, they do this
• 4:22
  type of stuff right here because they are absolutely bored and
• 4:25
  losing their mind, losing everything because of that.
• 4:29
  This is when they start to go crazy.
• 4:31
  They just beat look, they sit over the couch, they sit over on
• 4:34
  the couch, bored as hell, farting, spitting up everywhere,
• 4:38
  stinking ain't showered all day. And they just looking at you
• 4:41
  like I'm a mess with you today. And so they do they so they do
• 4:47
  they know you have a they know you have an appointment.
• 4:50
  Look, they know that you have an appointment at 3:00 PM.
• 4:55
  So at 2:15, you in the shower getting ready, trying to smell
• 4:58
  how good look good and stuff like that getting fresh.
• 5:01
  They they go over there, they're like, huh, I see your phone
• 5:05
  laying around. They'll take your phone, put it
• 5:09
  on do not disturb and hide it. Put it in their pocket, right?
• 5:16
  It's crazy. They can just do it because
• 5:18
  they're bored. It's crazy as hell.
• 5:20
  I bet you do sleep a lot better while I was in your house.
• 5:23
  And then when you find out and then look and then when they
• 5:26
  just like they see you panicking and sweating and stuff like
• 5:29
  that, they see you panicking, sweating.
• 5:31
  I'm going to be late for my I'm going to be late for my
• 5:34
  important meeting Here. They come.
• 5:37
  They they pull your phone off. Ha ha, ha, ha.
• 5:39
  It's a prank. I had it the whole time.
• 5:41
  I just wanted to see you squirm and then you get pissed off and
• 5:45
  now you're crazy. Now you're crazy, Now you're too
• 5:50
  emotional. I just can't play.
• 5:53
  I'm just not going to play any games with you no more.
• 5:55
  I'm just going to be from this point forward.
• 5:57
  I'm just going to be 100% serious from this point forward.
• 6:00
  I'm just going to be 100% serious from now on.
• 6:02
  I'm not going to play any type of game with you ever again
• 6:06
  ever. You won't get any type of thing
• 6:08
  for me. You going to get 100% serious me
• 6:11
  because you don't play blue blue blue blue, and this is exactly
• 6:14
  what they'll do. Y'all know y'all experience it.
• 6:17
  You know you, y'all know you experienced this type of stuff
• 6:20
  before that. That's the kind of stuff like
• 6:22
  those go crazy. They'll try to make you go great
• 6:25
  for like you going crazy for what sidebar, Let's just come
• 6:31
  over here sidebar Y'all come over here sidebar.
• 6:35
  You didn't deserve this. Let's go ahead and get that out
• 6:37
  of the way right now. Whatever they done to you,
• 6:39
  whatever they put you through, you didn't deserve the abuse,
• 6:43
  right? You didn't deserve to be lied
• 6:45
  to. You didn't deserve to be cheated
• 6:46
  on. You didn't deserve to be beat
• 6:47
  up. You didn't deserve for your keys
• 6:48
  to be hit or your phone to be hit.
• 6:50
  You didn't deserve for them to just because they're bored, they
• 6:53
  start playing games with you and trying to get your stress right
• 6:56
  or trying to raise your stress level.
• 6:57
  You didn't deserve that at all. Funny for y'all to stop blaming
• 7:03
  yourself for people abuse, being abusive.
• 7:06
  Some people are just evil bastards.
• 7:09
  Some people are just evil assholes.
• 7:11
  They don't have anything better to do than do try to be
• 7:13
  torturous and evil to other people.
• 7:15
  And I know what I know somebody are going to say believe.
• 7:18
  I think I just want to believe there's good at everybody.
• 7:21
  There's not good in everybody. I truly believe that there's not
• 7:26
  good at everybody. Everybody doesn't have good in
• 7:28
  them. Get that out of your head.
• 7:30
  There's not good in everybody. Some people are just evil,
• 7:33
  devilish assholes and they don't deserve to breathe the same air
• 7:36
  you breathe. But Lee, they had childhood
• 7:39
  trauma. Maybe you did too.
• 7:41
  Are you all here be having childhood trauma, abusing
• 7:43
  people, right? Are you taking your trauma out
• 7:46
  on somebody else? Are you taking your are you
• 7:48
  lying and cheating and doing some horrible ass stuff to
• 7:50
  people because you had you had childhood trauma?
• 7:53
  I hate the fact that people had childhood trauma.
• 7:54
  I really, truly do. You didn't deserve what happened
• 7:58
  to you as a child, but you cannot use your childhood stuff
• 8:01
  to be an excuse, as a continuous excuse to be abuse somebody.
• 8:05
  You don't deserve for somebody else's abuse to be taken out on
• 8:08
  you. You didn't abuse them.
• 8:11
  You don't get you. Like I said, I'm done.
• 8:20
  There you go, y'all. But seriously, that's that
• 8:23
  mentality right there. That is literally how the
• 8:25
  mindset of a lot of these people work, right there.
• 8:28
  For real. They will do this type of stuff
• 8:30
  over and over and over again because this is how they break
• 8:34
  stuff down, right? They like to take it out on you.
• 8:37
  I'm sorry I hid your keys. I'm sorry.
• 8:39
  Like I, I like to hide things because I was, when I was a kid
• 8:43
  and I got in trouble, I would hide in my closet.
• 8:46
  So I hide things too. And it represents my childhood.
• 8:49
  I'm sorry. I won't do it again.
• 8:51
  And then they'll do it again and then they'll do it again, and
• 8:54
  then they'll do it again and again and again and again, over
• 8:58
  and over and over again. This is the type of personality
• 9:01
  that you'll be dealing with over and over and over again.
• 9:04
  You didn't deserve it. But in in, in the mind of an
• 9:07
  abusive person, they're going to think you're OK with it if you
• 9:10
  stay with them. And this is not me telling
• 9:12
  everybody to leave. They think it's OK because you
• 9:15
  stay. Just have that.
• 9:17
  I'm just telling you, this is the mentality that they have
• 9:19
  right here, right? So when you do this type of
• 9:22
  stuff like this, something like they really just want to make
• 9:25
  play games with you and sometimes look, if you get what
• 9:29
  happened right here, yeah, this is what happened right here.
• 9:32
  If you are dealing with artistic abusive person that has nothing
• 9:38
  to offer you, right? They don't offer you nothing.
• 9:40
  They're not paying any bills, they're not doing, they're not
• 9:43
  making your life easier. They're not doing anything at
• 9:46
  all. They're not doing anything at
• 9:48
  all, right? So guess what?
• 9:50
  When they're not doing anything at all for we have nothing to
• 9:53
  offer you. Sometimes they'll hide their
• 9:54
  stuff, help you find it, and then they they will find it
• 9:57
  because they want to play the hero.
• 10:02
  Imagine being so bummish that the only way you can be the hero
• 10:06
  in your partner or friend or whoever's life, the only way you
• 10:09
  can be a hero to this person in your life is to hide their stuff
• 10:12
  and help them look for what kind of bum ass stuff is that?
• 10:18
  You see, I did a good job, didn't I?
• 10:19
  Might I might not be paying no bills.
• 10:21
  I might stink, my teeth might be falling out.
• 10:25
  I might just be scrawny looking right.
• 10:28
  I might be a little ugly, little ugly.
• 10:30
  Everybody look ugly and I might be all of that.
• 10:33
  But didn't I just help you find your phone, help you find your
• 10:35
  phone? Did I just help you find your
• 10:38
  keys? I'm real.
• 10:45
  I'm as real as they can. They had nothing else to offer
• 10:50
  you, so they hide your stuff, create the problem and present
• 10:57
  themselves as the solution. Twist it.
• 10:59
  Yeah. It's absolute insanity.
• 11:01
  Yeah, it really load that verse. I'm just telling you.
• 11:04
  That's the thing right there. Yeah, that's literally the thing
• 11:07
  right there. That's how they do this type of
• 11:08
  stuff, y'all? Yeah.
• 11:11
  Unhealed people do hurt people a lot of times right now.
• 11:13
  All the time. A lot of times, right?
• 11:15
  But this is the mentality. They want to play the hero
• 11:17
  sometimes and the only way imagine the only way you can
• 11:20
  play the hero is by hiding your partner's stuff and then give it
• 11:25
  and then helping them find it. What kind of bum ass?
• 11:27
  What? What is this?
• 11:31
  What is this? How much of A bum can you be?
• 11:38
  Huh. How much of A bum can you be?
• 11:44
  How bummy are you? What are we doing here?
• 11:50
  But this is the mentality that a lot of people face right here.
• 11:52
  Y'all, they all. Yeah.
• 11:53
  They always, they always got to be the real estate.
• 11:55
  They always got to be doing stuff like that.
• 11:56
  This is how they operate. Y'all, You might be dealing with
• 12:00
  a bum really realistically It realistically, yeah.
• 12:06
  Why? Why I have you here?
• 12:10
  What about 10 days from now? June 2nd, I'll be in New York
• 12:13
  City for my next in person Q&A live event.
• 12:16
  I think there's only four. At the time of this recording,
• 12:19
  there's only four seats left. So if you're in New York City,
• 12:23
  make sure to get registered for my event is Mental
• 12:26
  illness.net/events. Get registered up for that right
• 12:30
  now so you won't miss out. If you're in the New York City
• 12:33
  area, June 2nd, Mental illness.net/events is going
• 12:37
  across the bottom of the screen. It's like a 3-4 hour event.
• 12:41
  It's just live Q&A. You give me questions, I give
• 12:44
  you answers. That's what we got right there.
• 12:46
  That's what we got right there. But anyway, Joe, I have a hold
• 12:52
  on, hold on. One more thing I wanted to
• 12:53
  cover. One more thing I want to cover
• 12:55
  Savior psychological. Yep, that's it right there.
• 12:58
  So this is the type of gas lighting manipulation again.
• 13:01
  They like to play these games. They like to make you feel like
• 13:03
  you're going crazy, and some of them just like to see you react,
• 13:06
  y'all? They like to see you reacting.
• 13:08
  They like to see you crying. They like to see you panicking,
• 13:11
  right, Because they're crazy. They're a little crazy.
• 13:17
  You mean like playing these games?
• 13:20
  Anyways y'all I got a few minutes for a couple questions.
• 13:23
  Couple questions. You drop a couple questions in
• 13:24
  the comment section and I will be willfully answer those
• 13:26
  questions. Somebody said hello from New
• 13:28
  York NY. I just literally just said that
• 13:30
  too. New York City live in person
• 13:32
  event. New York City June 2nd.
• 13:37
  I'll be in New York City June 2nd, June 2nd, June the 2nd.
• 13:48
  It would not be in New York. What do they call it?
• 13:51
  I can't keep it coming from Brandu.
• 13:55
  Their town will inspire you. They like to introduce chaos.
• 14:00
  Yeah, a lot of abusive, narcissistic people absolutely
• 14:03
  love chaos. They love the chaotic nature and
• 14:06
  stuff like that. Nice.
• 14:08
  But what part of you are being, I think Manhattan?
• 14:10
  I think it's Manhattan. I didn't deserve it, but I did
• 14:12
  allow it. But that's the course correction
• 14:14
  right there, right? That's being able to course
• 14:15
  correct understanding. OK, I didn't deserve this, but I
• 14:18
  might have stayed through this part Might I might have stayed
• 14:21
  long through it. I might have forgiven this
• 14:23
  person when they shouldn't have been forgiven.
• 14:25
  That's about correcting course right there, right?
• 14:28
  Man, it took so long for me to understand he wasn't stupid,
• 14:31
  wasn't confused, he just wanted my reaction.
• 14:33
  Learning to the term reactive abuse changed my life.
• 14:35
  I'm glad you. I'm glad reactive abuse helped
• 14:37
  wake you up. If y'all don't know where
• 14:38
  reactive abuse is, it really is. Somebody poking you, doing
• 14:42
  things on purpose just to get a reaction from you, and then
• 14:45
  guess what? You look abusive.
• 14:48
  You look abusive. You look like the abuser.
• 14:49
  I know. So I know there's a lot of
• 14:51
  people out there who don't like the term reactive abuse, but
• 14:53
  yeah, you look like the abuser when you react to them
• 14:57
  sometimes. If they are, if they look, if
• 14:59
  they are triggering you by saying words and then you pull
• 15:02
  out a weapon and try to shoot them, that's reactive.
• 15:05
  That's you look amusing. You look great.
• 15:06
  You see what I'm saying? That's why getting your
• 15:08
  reactions under control is extremely important.
• 15:11
  It really is. If they're poking you and
• 15:13
  triggering you with words and then you attack them physically,
• 15:16
  don't you say you say what I'm saying that makes you look.
• 15:19
  So that's why I'm saying getting controlling your reactions is
• 15:22
  extremely important. New haircut.
• 15:25
  Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
• 15:28
  How do you get rid of an art? It really just depends.
• 15:30
  I need I would need more context than that right there right,
• 15:32
  because there's I can tell you one thing, but you might not
• 15:34
  have the same situation. It depends on the relationship
• 15:37
  dynamic financial ties, children, there's so many
• 15:41
  different. It's just a little too vague.
• 15:44
  Toronto, what up? What up do they ever feel bad
• 15:47
  for what they've done even to their kids?
• 15:49
  Sometimes they can feel bad, but even if they feel bad, even if
• 15:53
  they feel bad, it doesn't mean they'll change their behaviors
• 15:55
  or regret it, right? Because a lot of times the, the
• 15:58
  narcissistic mind does these mental gymnastics where even if
• 16:03
  I start to feel bad, I have to find a way to blame you, right?
• 16:08
  Even if I feel bad for something that I've done to you, I have to
• 16:11
  find a way to blame you. It's your, it's going to be your
• 16:15
  fault in some way shape or form. That's what my husband said and
• 16:18
  I restrained the order here. He tried to turn it around on me
• 16:21
  saying I abuse him. Yep yes best to ignore them.
• 16:25
  They have all kind of kidded games.
• 16:27
  Yep. How can you Co parent with a
• 16:29
  narcissist person all the sudden wants to come around?
• 16:32
  Can you? So you're not Co parenting with
• 16:33
  them if they're just want to come?
• 16:35
  If they're just coming around, they were like because again,
• 16:39
  even if they abandoned the kids they still have rights right?
• 16:42
  Even if they abandoned your children, they still have rights
• 16:45
  and whatever. So I would look up the state
• 16:47
  laws and make sure that like supervised visitation, stuff
• 16:51
  like that, reintegrating them into their lives.
• 16:53
  It's so many. It's like I said, it's, it's so
• 16:55
  many different things right there.
• 16:56
  It's I would eat way more detail, right?
• 16:58
  Like it's just a lot. I can't you know what time, what
• 17:02
  is it with the hand twitching and the artist do?
• 17:03
  I'm not 100% certain right there.
• 17:05
  That might be a nervous tick that your partner had right
• 17:07
  there, right? They are mental gymnasts, like a
• 17:10
  limit level. Yes, absolutely.
• 17:15
  There that was so non romantic. So what would I always ask the
• 17:21
  question, does this stimulate you?
• 17:23
  Yeah, sometimes they do. Yeah, sometimes.
• 17:25
  Look, sometimes you're reactive when you are reacting to them,
• 17:28
  that turns them on, right? Your reactions turn on your
• 17:31
  abusive partner. Just think about that next time
• 17:33
  for you react, right? It's like, oh, you are you you
• 17:36
  like this? You like when I you did this
• 17:38
  turn you on. I'm throwing stuff at you.
• 17:40
  Yeah, kinda right. They're crazy.
• 17:44
  It would not y'all. But did I miss?
• 17:47
  No, I didn't miss the thing. Anyway, y'all, I do got to hop
• 17:49
  off this thing. I really, really do.
• 17:50
  Yeah, it it can be very gross, y'all.
• 17:52
  Very gross. It's a very gross turn on,
• 17:55
  right? Anyway, y'all, I do have to hop
• 17:57
  off this thing. Thank y'all for riding with me
• 17:58
  today on this beautiful Saturday morning.
• 18:01
  Is it morning, afternoon, Saturday afternoon?
• 18:03
  And while I'm looking at this, I get a text message from a
• 18:05
  scammer. USPS parcel confirmation alert.
• 18:09
  Anyway, y'all again, y'all can find everything about me, Mental
• 18:13
  illness.net, my coaching, my courses, everything is at
• 18:16
  mentalillness.net, everything about me, Mental illness.net,
• 18:20
  New York City, NY City, I'm coming your way June 2nd Mental
• 18:27
  illness.net/events to get more information to register for
• 18:30
  that. Like I said, it's only four
• 18:32
  seats left. Somebody just booked one in a
• 18:33
  little while ago if I got on here, but I appreciate y'all
• 18:35
  tuning in. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 18:37
  And as always, y'all, mental illness is out.
• 18:39
  Peace, eh?