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02 - A Filbert Is A Nut · Classic Sci-Fi Tales Audio Library

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: A Filbert is a nut. This is a LibriVox recording.
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  Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording
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  Speaker 1: by Linda Dodge. A Filbert is a Nut by Rick Raphael.
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  Speaker 1: That the gentleman in question was a nut was beyond question.
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  Speaker 1: He was an institutionalized psychotic. He was nutty enough to
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  Speaker 1: think that he could make an Adam Bum out of
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: modeling clay. Miss Abercrombie, the manual therapist, patted the old
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: man on the shoulder. You are doing just fine, mister Lieberman.
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  Speaker 1: Show it to me when you have finished. The oldster
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  Speaker 1: in the stained convalescent suit gave her a quick, shy
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  Speaker 1: smile and went back to his aimless mirroring in the
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  Speaker 1: finger paints. Miss abbot or Combe smooth or smocked down
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  Speaker 1: over trim hips and surveyed the other patients working at
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  Speaker 1: the long tables in the hospital's arts and craft shop.
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  Speaker 1: Two muscular and bored attendants in spotless whites lounged beside
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  Speaker 1: the locked door and chatted idly about the dodger's prospects
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  Speaker 1: for the pennant through the barred windows. Of the workshop,
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  Speaker 1: rolling green hills were seen, their tree studded flanks, making
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  Speaker 1: a pleasant setting for the mental institution. The craft's building
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  Speaker 1: was a good mile away from the main buildings of
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  Speaker 1: the hospital, and the hills blocked the view of the
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  Speaker 1: austere complex of buildings that housed the main wards. The
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  Speaker 1: therapist strolled down the lines of tables, passing to give
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  Speaker 1: a word of advice here and a suggestion there. She
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  Speaker 1: stopped behind a frowning, intense patient, rapidly shaping blobs of
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  Speaker 1: clay into odd sized strips and forms. As he finished
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: each piece, he carefully placed it into a hollow shell
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  Speaker 1: hemisphere of clay. And what are we making to day,
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  Speaker 1: mister Funstone, Miss Abercrombie asked. The flying fingers continued to
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  Speaker 1: whip out the bits of shaped clay. As the patient
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  Speaker 1: ignored the question, he hunched closer to his table, as
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  Speaker 1: if to draw away from the woman. We mustn't be antisocial,
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  Speaker 1: mister Funston, miss Abercrombie said, lightly, but firmly. You've been
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: coming along famously and you must remember to answer when
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  Speaker 1: someone talks to you. Now, what are you making? It
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  Speaker 1: looks very complicated, She stared professionally, at the maze of
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  Speaker 1: clay parts. Thaddeus Funstone continued to mold the clay bits
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  Speaker 1: and put them in place. Without looking up from his bench,
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  Speaker 1: he muttered a reply at a bomb a puzzle looked
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  Speaker 1: crossed the therapist's face. Pardon me, mister Funston, I thought
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  Speaker 1: you said an Adam Baum did, Funston muttered safely behind
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  Speaker 1: the patient's back. Miss Abercrombie smiled ever so slightly. Why
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  Speaker 1: that's very good, mister Funstan. That shows real creative thought.
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  Speaker 1: I'm very pleased. She patted him on the shoulder and
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  Speaker 1: moved down the line of patients. A few minutes later,
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  Speaker 1: one of the attendants glanced at his watch, stood up
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  Speaker 1: and stretched, all right, fellows, He called out, time to
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  Speaker 1: go back, put up your things. There was a rustle
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  Speaker 1: of paint boxes and papers being shuffled, and chairs being
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  Speaker 1: moved back. A tall blonde patient with a flowing mustache
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  Speaker 1: put one more dab of paint on his canvas and
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  Speaker 1: stood back to survey the meaningless smears. He sighed happily
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  Speaker 1: and laid down his pallet. At the clay table, Funston
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  Speaker 1: feverishly fabricated the last the odd shaped bit of clay
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  Speaker 1: and slapped it into place with a furtive glance around him.
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  Speaker 1: He clapped the other half of the clay sphere over
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  Speaker 1: the filled hemisphere, and then stood up. The patients lined
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  Speaker 1: up at the door, waiting for the walk back across
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  Speaker 1: the green hills to the main hospital. The attendants made
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  Speaker 1: a quick count and then unlocked the door. The group
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  Speaker 1: shuffled out into the warm afternoon sunlight, and the door
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  Speaker 1: closed behind them. Miss Abercrombie gazed around the cluttered room
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  Speaker 1: and picked up her chart book of patient progress. Moving
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  Speaker 1: slowly down the line of benches, she made short, precise
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  Speaker 1: notes on the day's work accomplished by each patient. At
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  Speaker 1: the clay table, she carefully lifted the top half of
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  Speaker 1: the clay ball and stared thoughtfully at the jumbled maze
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  Speaker 1: of clay strips laced through the lower hemisphere. She placed
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  Speaker 1: the lid back in place and jotted lengthily in her
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  Speaker 1: chart book. When she had completed her round, she slipped
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  Speaker 1: out of the smock, took the chart book under her arm,
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  Speaker 1: and left the craft's building for the day. The late
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  Speaker 1: afternoon sun felt warm and comfortable as she walked the
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  Speaker 1: mile to the main administration building, where her car was parked.
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  Speaker 1: As she drove out of the hospital grounds. Thaddeus Funston
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  Speaker 1: stood at the barred window of his locked ward and
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  Speaker 1: stared vacantly over the hills towards the craft shop. He
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  Speaker 1: stood there, unmoving until a ward attendant came and took
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  Speaker 1: his arm an hour later to lead him off to
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  Speaker 1: the patient's mess hall. The sun set, darkness fell over
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  Speaker 1: the stilled hospital grounds, and the ward lights winked out
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  Speaker 1: at nine o'clock, leaving just a single light burning in
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  Speaker 1: each ward office. A quiet wind sighed over the still
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  Speaker 1: warm hills. At three o one a m. Thaddeus Funston
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  Speaker 1: stirred in his sleep and awakened. He sat up in
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  Speaker 1: bed and looked around the dark ward. The quiet breathing
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  Speaker 1: and occasional snores of thirty other sleeping patients filled the room.
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  Speaker 1: Funstone turned toward the window and stared out across the
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  Speaker 1: black hills that sheltered the deserted craft's building. He gave
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  Speaker 1: a quick cry, shut his eyes and clapped his hands
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  Speaker 1: over his face. The brilliance of a hundred suns glared
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  Speaker 1: in the night and threw stark shadows on the walls
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  Speaker 1: of the suddenly illuminated ward. An instant later, the shattering,
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  Speaker 1: war and blast of the explosion struck the hospital buildings
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  Speaker 1: in a wave of force, and the bursting crash of
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  Speaker 1: a thousand windows was lost in the fury of the
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  Speaker 1: explosion and the wild screams of the frightened and demented patients.
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  Speaker 1: It was over in an instant and a stunned moment. Later,
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  Speaker 1: recess ceiling lights began flashing on throughout the big institution.
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  Speaker 1: Beyond the again silent hills, a great pillar of smoke,
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  Speaker 1: topped by a small mushroom shaped cloud, rose above the
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  Speaker 1: gaping hole that had been the Arts and Crafts building.
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  Speaker 1: Thaddeus Funston took his hands from his face and lay
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  Speaker 1: back in his bed with a small secret smile on
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  Speaker 1: his lips. Attendants and nurses scurried through the hospital, seeing
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  Speaker 1: how many had been injured in the explosion. None had.
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  Speaker 1: The hills had absorbed most of the shock, and apart
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  Speaker 1: from a welter of broken glass, the damage had been
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  Speaker 1: surprisingly slight. The roar and flash of the explosion had
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  Speaker 1: lighted and rocked the surrounding countryside. Soon, firemen and civil
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  Speaker 1: defense disaster units from half a dozen neighboring communities had
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  Speaker 1: gathered at the still smoking hole that marked the site
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  Speaker 1: of the vanished craft's building. Within fifteen minutes, the disaster
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  Speaker 1: trained crews had detected heavy radiation emanating from the crater,
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  Speaker 1: and there was a scurry of men and equipment back
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  Speaker 1: to a safe distance a few hundred yards away. At
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  Speaker 1: five thirty a m. A plane landed at a nearby
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  Speaker 1: airfield and a platoon of the Atomic Energy Commission experts,
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  Speaker 1: military intelligence meant, four FBI agents and an army full
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  Speaker 1: colonel disembarked. At five forty five a m. A cordon
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  Speaker 1: was thrown around both hospital and the blast crater. In
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  Speaker 1: ward four c Thaddeus Funston slept peacefully and happily. It's
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  Speaker 1: impossible and unbelievable, Colonel Thomas Thurgan said for the fifteenth
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  Speaker 1: time later that morning, as he looked around the group
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  Speaker 1: of experts gathered in the tent erected on the hill
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  Speaker 1: overlooking the crater. How can an adam baumb go off
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  Speaker 1: in a nuthouse? It was apparently a very small bomb, Colonel,
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  Speaker 1: one of the haggard AEC men offered, timidly, not over
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  Speaker 1: three t kiletons. I don't care if it was the
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  Speaker 1: size of a peanut. Thurbergood screamed, how did it get here?
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  Speaker 1: A military intelligence agent spoke up. If we knew, sir,
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  Speaker 1: we wouldn't be standing around here. We don't know, but
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  Speaker 1: the fact remains that it was an atomic explosion. Thurgood
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  Speaker 1: turned rearily to the small, white haired man at his side.
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  Speaker 1: Let us go over it once more, doctor Crane. Are
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  Speaker 1: you sure you knew everything was in that building? Thurguld
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  Speaker 1: swept his hand in the general direction of the blast crater. Colonel,
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  Speaker 1: I've told you a dozen times, the hospital administration said,
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  Speaker 1: with exasperation. This was our manual therapy room. We gave
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  Speaker 1: our patients art work. It was a means of getting
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  Speaker 1: it out of their systems through the use of their hands.
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  Speaker 1: Some of the frustrations and problems that led them to
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  Speaker 1: this hospital. They worked with oil and water, paints and clay.
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  Speaker 1: If you can make an atomic bomb from vermilion pigments,
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  Speaker 1: then Madam Currie was a misguided scrub woman. All I
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  Speaker 1: know is that you say this was a craft's building. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: so it was, Thirgood sighed. I also know that an
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  Speaker 1: atomic explosion at three o two this morning blew it
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  Speaker 1: to hell and gone and I've got to find out
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  Speaker 1: how it happened. Thurgood slumped into a field chair and
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  Speaker 1: gazed tiredly up at the little doctor. Where's that girl
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  Speaker 1: you said was in charge of this place. We've already
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  Speaker 1: called for miss Abercrombie, and she's on her way here now,
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  Speaker 1: the doctor snapped. Outside the tent, a small army of
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  Speaker 1: military men and AEC technicians moved about the perimeter of
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  Speaker 1: the crater, scentillators in hand, examining every tiny scrap that
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  Speaker 1: might have been a part of the building at one time.
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  Speaker 1: A jeep raced down the road from the hospital and
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  Speaker 1: drew up in front of the tent. An armed m
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  Speaker 1: P helped Miss Abercrombie from the vehicle. She walked to
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  Speaker 1: the edge of the hill and looked down with a
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  Speaker 1: stunned expression. He did make an ad of bomb, she cried.
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  Speaker 1: Colonel Thurgood, who had snapped from his chair at her words,
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  Speaker 1: leaped forward to catch her as she collapsed in a faint.
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  Speaker 1: At four o'clock p m. The argument was still raging
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  Speaker 1: in the long, narrow staff room of the hospital administration building.
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  Speaker 1: Colonel Thurgood, looking more like a patient every minute, sat
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  Speaker 1: on the edge of his chair at the head of
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  Speaker 1: a long table and pounded with his fist on the
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  Speaker 1: wooden surface, making Miss Abercrombie's chart book bounce with every beat.
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  Speaker 1: It's ridiculous, thurgored ward. We'll be the laughing stocks of
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  Speaker 1: the world if this ever gets out, an atomic bomb
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  Speaker 1: made out of clay. You all are nuts. You are
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  Speaker 1: in the right place, but count me out. At his left,
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  Speaker 1: Miss Abercrombie cringed deeper into her chair. At the broadside.
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  Speaker 1: Down both sides of the long tail, a psychiatrist, physicists, strategist,
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  Speaker 1: and radiologists sat in various stages of nerve shattered weariness.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Abercrombie, one of the physicists spoke up gently. You
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  Speaker 1: say that after the patients had departed the building, you
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  Speaker 1: looked again at Funstant's work. The therapist nodded unhappily, and
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  Speaker 1: you say that, to the best of your knowledge. The
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  Speaker 1: physicist continued, there was nothing inside that ball but other
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  Speaker 1: pieces of clay. I'm positive that's all there was in it.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Missus Abercrombie cried. There was a renewed buzz of conversation
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  Speaker 1: at the table, and the senior aec man present got
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  Speaker 1: their heads together with a senior intelligence man. They conferred briefly,
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  Speaker 1: and then the intelligence officer spoke, that seems to settle it. Colonel,
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  Speaker 1: We've got to give this Funstan another chance to repeat
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  Speaker 1: his bomb, but this time under our supervision. Thurgood leaped
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: to his feet, his face purpling. Are you crazy, he screamed,
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  Speaker 1: You want to get us all thrown into this Filbert factory.
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  Speaker 1: Do you know what the newspapers would do to us
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  Speaker 1: if they ever got wind of the fact that, for
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  Speaker 1: one tiny fraction of a second, any one of us
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  Speaker 1: here entertained a notion that a paranoidal idiot with the
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  Speaker 1: IQ of an ape could make an atomic bomb out
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  Speaker 1: of kid's modeling clay. They'd crucify us. That's what they do.
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  Speaker 1: At eight thirty that night, that is Funstan, swathed in
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  Speaker 1: an army officer's greatcoat that concealed his straight jacket binding
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  Speaker 1: him and with an officer's cap jam far down over
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  Speaker 1: his face, was hustled out of a small side door
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  Speaker 1: of the hospital and into a waiting staff car. A
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: few minutes later, the car pulled into the flying field
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  Speaker 1: at the nearby community and dropped directly to the military
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  Speaker 1: transport plane that stood at the end of the runway,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: with propellers turning. Two military policemen and a brace of
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  Speaker 1: staff psychiatrists sworn to secrecy under the National Atomic Secret Act,
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  Speaker 1: bundled Thaddeus aboard the plane. They plopped him into a
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  Speaker 1: seat directly in front of Miss Abercrombie, and with a roar,
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  Speaker 1: the plane raced down the runway and into the night skies.
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  Speaker 1: The plane landed the next morning at the AECs Atomic
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  Speaker 1: Testing Grounds in the Nevada Desert, and two hours later,
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  Speaker 1: in a small, hot wooden shack miles up the barren
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  Speaker 1: desert wastelands, a cluster of scientists and military men huddled
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  Speaker 1: around a small wooden table. There was nothing on the
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  Speaker 1: table but a bowl of water and a great lump
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  Speaker 1: of modeling clay. While the psychiatrists were taking the strait
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  Speaker 1: jacket off Thaddius in the staff car outside, Colonel Thurgood
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  Speaker 1: spoke to the weary Miss Abercrombie. Now you're positive this
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  Speaker 1: is just about the same amount and same kind of
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  Speaker 1: clay he used before. I brought it along from the
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: same batch we had in the storeroom at the hospital,
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  Speaker 1: she replied, And it's the same amount Thurgood signaled to
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: the doctor's and they entered the shack, with Thaddeus Funston
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: between them. The colonel nudged Miss Abercrombie. She smiled at Funstone.
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  Speaker 1: Now isn't this nice, mister Funstone? She said, These nice
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  Speaker 1: men have brought us way out here just to see
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  Speaker 1: if you can make another Adam bum jest like the
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  Speaker 1: one you made for me yesterday. A flicker of interest
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  Speaker 1: lightened Thaddeus's face. He looked around the shack, and then
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  Speaker 1: he spotted the clay on the table. Without hesitation, he
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  Speaker 1: walked to the table and sat down. His fingers began
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  Speaker 1: working the damp clay, making first the hollow, half round shell,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: while the nation's top atomic scientist watched him fascination. His
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: busy fingers flew through the clay, shaping odd flat bits
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  Speaker 1: and clay parts that were dropped almost aimlessly into the
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: open hemisphere in front of him. Miss Abercrombie stood at
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  Speaker 1: his shoulder as Thaddeus hunched over the table, just as
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: he had done the previous day. From time to time
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: she glanced at her watch. The maze of clay's strips grew,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: and as Funston finished shaping the other half hemisphere of clay.
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  Speaker 1: She broke the tense silence. Time to go back, now,
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  Speaker 1: mister Funston, you can work some more tomorrow. She looked
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: at the men and nodded her head. The two psychiatrists
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: went to Thaddeus's side as he put the upper lid
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: of clay carefully in place. Funston stood up and the
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: doctors escorted him from the shack. There was a moment
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  Speaker 1: of hush silence, and then pandemonium burst. The experts converged
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  Speaker 1: on the clay, ball instruments blossoming from nowhere and cameras clicking.
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  Speaker 1: For two hours, they studied and gently probed the mass
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: of Child's clay and photographed it from every angle. Then
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: they left it for the concrete observatory bunker several miles
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: down range, where Thaddeus and the psychiatrist waited inside a
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: ring of stony faced military policemen. I told you this
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: whole thing was asinine, Thurgood's snarled. As the scientific teams
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: trooped into the bunker. Thaddeus Funston stared out over the
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: heads of the impeace through the open door, looking up
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: range over the heat shimmering desert. He gave a sudden cry,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: shut his eyes and clapped his hands over his face.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: A brilliance a hundred times brighter than the glaring Nevada
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: sun lit the dim interior of the bunker, and the
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: pneumatically operated door slam shut just before the wave of
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: the blast hit the structure. Six hours and a jet
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: plane trip later, Thaddeus went on again. In his straight jacket,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: sat between his armed escorts in a small room and
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: the Pentagon. Through the window he could see the hurried
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: bustle of traffic over the Potomac and beyond the domed
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: roof of the Capitol. In the conference room next door,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: the Joint chiefs of Staff were closeted with a gray
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: faced and bone weary Colonel Thurgood and his baker's dozen
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: of aac brains. Scraps of the hot scornful talk drifted
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: across the half open transom into the room where Thaddeus
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Funston sat in a neatly tied bundle. In the conference room,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: a red faced four star general cast a chilling glance
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: at the rumpled figure of Colonel Thurgood. I've listened to
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: some silly stories in my life, Colonel, the general said coldly,
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  Speaker 1: But this takes the cake. You come here with an
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: insane asylum inmate in a straight jacket, and you have
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: the colossal gall to sit there and tell me that
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: this poor soul had made not one, but two atomic
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: devices out of modeling clay and then has detonated them.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: The General paused, why don't you tell me, Colonel, that
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: he can also make space ships out of sponge rubber,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: The General added bitingly. In the next room, Thaddeus Funston
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: stared out over the sweeping panorama of the Washington landscape.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: He stared hard. In the distance, a white cloud began
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: billowing up from the base of the Washington Monument, and
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: with an ear shattering, glass splintering roar, the Great Shaft
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: rose majestically from its base and vanished into space on
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: a tail of flame. End of a Filbert is a
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: nut by Rick Raphael