Latest / Mom2Mom MENTORING - Work/Life Harmony, Soul-Care, Kingdom Minded Moms / Stop Striving for Confidence—Start Living with Courage with Kimberly Wright

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Stop Striving for Confidence—Start Living with Courage with Kimberly Wright · Mom2Mom MENTORING - Work/Life Harmony, Soul-Care, Kingdom Minded Moms

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you know, I can get hyper focused.
my husband has pointed this out to me on more than one occasion over the last few years, Unfortunately, in my early days of momhood, I didn't have someone calling my attention to the fact that I was hyper focused.
All I wanted to do was to finish the task at hand, and I tended to block everything else out, even the voices of my kids, and now my husband.
I remember so many times hearing in the background, Mom? Mom? Hey, Mom! Misty! Only to be shaken and awakened to the present moment.
It's so easy to try to do it all, to focus on the task at hand and get caught in this swirl of who's yelling the loudest and what the biggest need at the moment is.
Well, you're going to want to hang out with me and my mom mentor friend, Kimberly Wright, today because we are going to tackle and talk about the power of intentional presence and so much more Hey there, kingdom minded moms, If you are a tried and true follower of Mom2Mom Mentoring, welcome back.
And if it's your first time to join us, I want to offer a hearty, happy welcome to you as well.
Here on Mom2Mom Mentoring, We tackle real life struggles and embrace the joy of motherhood with faith and intention.
Even in the not so joyful moments.
Hey there, I'm your host, Misty, your gratitude guide, mom mentor, celebration coach, and yes, I am your dream champion.
Now, before we dive into today's incredible conversation, I have something extra special for those of you who are longing and looking to live, lead, and love with passion and purpose.
I want to invite you to my free virtual masterclass, Align Your Life With What Matters Most.
It's happening March 20th and 21st from 12 o'clock PM to one central standard time.
Yeah, grab your lunch and let's hop on this call and.
Figure out what matters most mom to mom.
mommentoring.
com backslash values.
our mom mentor friend Kimberly Wright is one woman who shines forth with wisdom and grace.
now hang on to all those hats you wear.
What if I told you that she was named National Mother of the Year? That's right.
Kimberly Wright isn't just an accomplished business owner, thought leader speaker, but she is also a mom who deeply understands the challenges of raising a family.
While balancing faith, work, and personal growth with nearly three decades as an entrepreneur and leadership mentor, Kimberly helps women like you and me develop the confidence and courage to thrive in their careers and personal lives.
confidence is something that we all strive for.
We desperately want.
It feels good.
It makes us feel more comfortable and nobody wants to feel uncomfortable, but the problem, with confidence is there's too many, external factors that can hurt confidence.
so instead of focusing on confidence, if we focused Our energies to being courageous instead of confident Kimberly is a creator of Perception Leadership, a transformative program designed to equip female leaders with the skills they need to excel.
she is also an accomplished author.
She's written two books for Christian women and is currently working on a third that dives deep into the leadership principles she teaches through perception leadership.
I'll put the link to all of Kimberly's contact information in the show notes.
Well, today, Kimberly and I are going to talk about what she did right as a mom instead of focusing on what she did wrong.
Trust me, you are not gonna want to miss her wisdom.
I saw that in 2009, you were awarded Mother of the Year.
I would love to hear more about that story.
Wasn't that something? I never dreamed that.
So we were living in Las Vegas, Nevada at the time and there was a lady that I knew that was on the state board of the American Mothers, Inc.,
which is a national association an organization's been around for a long, long time, and this lady in Nevada nominated me for the Nevada young mother of the year, I was selected as the Nevada young mother, which meant then I went to the national, conference and represented Nevada as the Nevada young mother you have to give a speech and interview process and you fill out essays you meet with the board and it's a two day, big event.
the last night they announced their new young mother of the year I was selected and I was shocked.
It was amazing.
I think I'd lead with that.
If I were you, what do you think set you apart? You know, I really don't know, but personally I will always believe it was just, it was just a way that God really loved on me.
I came from a really broken home and a dysfunctional, childhood.
My grandma was really the one stable, parents so that was always my cry to God is I just wanted a family.
I just wanted to be a good mother.
And it meant so much to me to be a good mom and to have the family that I never had growing up.
And my grandma would always tell me, you have two chances to have a family in your life.
The one you're born into and the one you create.
So you get to create the family you want.
And that was just the richest advice.
I felt like just grandma had such wisdom in such simple terms.
And so when I first got that call that, you know, I had even been nominated, I just stood in the kitchen and cried.
Because even if I hadn't been, you know, hadn't been selected to represent Nevada I just felt like God was saying, I see you, I see you in your, in your parenting.
I see your heart and your earnest desire.
And so I don't think that it was because I was a better mom than anybody else.
There was incredible women beautiful moms there.
I just felt like it was a, the favor of God loving me in a place that, my heart needed it.
We focus so much on what we do wrong, what did you do right as a mom? I had four, six and under.
you know, it was a lot when they were little.
Yeah, that is a lot for under the age of six.
You know, I think the main thing that I did, right.
Cause you're right.
there's so much, Oh, I want do overs.
And I would do this different or that different, but I think what I did right.
Is I, I was present.
I showed up, you know, neither of my parents were really present, I lived with my grandma a my parents lived in different cities hours away and so they weren't around at all for many years of my life and so that's something I always try to be as present.
I, didn't miss a game if I could help it, or a wrestling match or football or, volleyball, whatever they were, in at the time, to be present and be available for the conversations.
when a young mom asks me for advice, I tell them to talk about nothing all the time.
Because if you want your kids to talk about the somethings, the big things, then you have to lay that foundation that you've talked about nothing.
You talk about their day, you talk about their video games that bore you to tears, you talk about all the, stuff you don't understand about Halo or, Minecraft or whatever it is that they're doing do you have any other things that you did well, because that's a good one.
I credit my husband, to this because he was as committed as I was, but when the kids were younger, We made a point we sat around the dinner table every night together it doesn't matter if you're eating sandwiches.
It doesn't matter if you've got fast food.
It doesn't matter if you cooked a glorious meal, whatever it was, that was a time to reconnect because as they.
get older, get jobs and all that.
It's harder and harder.
there wasn't special conversation, but again, it was that presence.
We were present and we were together.
And I think that's invaluable.
I did the dinner time thing too.
when I went through my divorce I think that was our saving grace because every night, my kids knew we would be at the table.
And sometimes that was the.
Only time I would see my oldest daughter because she was just so hurt you recently spoke at a women's luncheon I And you defined or separated courage, confidence the two and I thought it was really interesting.
Can you give us some bullet points from that and why that would matter for us as moms? confidence is something that we all strive for.
We desperately want.
It feels good.
It makes us feel more comfortable and nobody wants to feel uncomfortable, but the problem, with confidence is there's too many, external factors that can hurt confidence.
let's say we're a working mom going into a meeting and we're all confident, we're prepared, we feel good about it.
And then we get a negative response or we don't get the response that we hoped for about our idea and we feel shot down and it hurts our confidence.
so if we focused Our energies to being courageous instead of confident because the confidence will come as we get better at things or we master a task or a skill set, confidence is a feeling and feelings ebb and flow.
but courage is something that we're taking action despite fear you can't have courage without fear.
Because if you didn't feel fear, you wouldn't need courage.
And I know you recently did a fabulous podcast about fear and how to overcome that.
if your listeners miss that, they need to go back and listen to that.
The courage is something that will help overcoming the fear, but it also will help us gain confidence, that we're striving for.
Yeah, I really like that.
I don't know if I've ever thought about confidence being a feeling, but when you said that, I'm like, yeah, it is.
And we're always trying to get there.
We can never get there because something's always.
as a mom, I really wanted to be a confident mom, I wanted to parent from a place of confidence.
Like I know what I'm doing, I was a courageous mom.
Absolutely.
I did it scared every day.
so that's a win.
that helps boost morale Hey mom, you're showing up every day.
You're doing it today in the midst of, the flat tire or the kids being home from school again or whatever, you're doing it.
And that takes a lot of courage.
I think too, as moms, I mean, what you said, I hope that, um, that resonates with some mama hearts listening, that They're showing up and being courageous and doing it anyway, despite all the challenges that come up, the daily hiccups, all the things that, life throws out as the curveballs.
And so if, moms were seeking confidence in something, what we can really put our confidence in is we're going to figure it out and do it anyway.
We're going to show up courageously.
We may not do it perfect.
We may not do it well even, but we can have confidence that we are going to be present and keep, being courageous.
I hear a lot of moms that are really struggling.
They want to be present.
They don't feel like they're fully present anywhere.
because of all the demands of life what was the key for your ability to be able to be present? we hear that, that dirty word balance, and we think there's some kind of, wonderful cosmic balance to achieve, and it just doesn't exist.
What balance really means, or being present really means, is doing what you're supposed to be doing at the time you're supposed to be doing it.
So if it's time to be at dinner or be with your kids or help them with their homework, do that.
Just be present in that.
Be fully focused in that.
If you have to answer emails or do things after the kids go to bed, then That's the time for that.
And you'd be present in that, but being fully present when we're with our kids.
And I'm the first to say that, I've been distracted when, having conversations with the kids and they're droning on and on about the greatest latest weapon And my mind's wandering and I'm like, uh huh.
Uh huh.
I totally get that, we have to give ourselves grace what I mean by being present is just.
Doing what you're supposed to be doing when you're supposed to be doing it, and that's it.
So I have to make a confession here when you talk about that.
I don't know why but I feel anxiety.
but what if the email needs to be answered right away and now with texts it's so easy now to be distracted.
so, My mom mentor friend.
What do we do about that? You know, I can, I guess it goes back to that.
We have to give ourselves grace, but we also have to train ourselves because we're one person.
We can't do everything and we can't be all too.
To everyone.
I used to have emails just coming in at 530, 6 o'clock and I'm, trying to get dinner and having that, I call it the five o'clock panic of like, oh, I didn't plan dinner.
what are we going to have now? Women have a lot of responsibilities.
It's hard because.
We're still doing the majority of the work at home, especially if you're a single mom, you're doing all of it.
But even if you're married and have a great husband, that helps you're still doing statistically the majority.
I think we just, we really need to retrain ourselves because like you say, society has creeped into where now it's like texts are as you get as many of those as you do email.
texts became the urgent, like you have to answer me right now.
so we have to learn to set our boundaries that work for us, our mental health, because if we're overwhelmed and we're fatigued and we're worn out, we're trying to juggle all these things, we can't serve our kids the way our hearts desire to.
I think that that's been the hardest thing.
is to learn to set those boundaries.
it was a gradual change that we just didn't even realize until we were inundated.
it's safe for us to put those boundaries back in place.
when my oldest went to college.
I made a rule that whenever he calls, I'm answering he would call me sometimes walking to class and he'd have 10 or 15 minutes.
if he called me at 1130 at night, because that's when he's up I answered that call.
I He didn't do that a lot because he tried to honor mom's sleep, you sewed into those relational connections throughout your life.
So, Kimberly, what has been the hardest season of your life? know, there's different hards.
I speak a lot on identity.
and this applies in, in parenting in our careers and just in general as women is where's our identity rooted I struggled with my identity being wrapped up in my children and when they were young of like.
I had expectations for them.
I had envisioned them playing certain sports or being passionate about this sport versus this one or whatever it was.
I mean, I had all these expectations, even little things, and it caused tension and unnecessary stress on my kids.
And so I had to learn.
we learn parenting as we go.
there's lots of books, I don't know that there's one good manual out there for us.
We have to learn it as we go.
And so I think that's one of the, the biggest things with our expectations is where's our identity rooted.
And it's something I still have to be intentional about.
Lord, my identity is rooted in you.
My confidence, if we want to use confidence, comes from you.
My courage comes from you, it doesn't matter what my kids do.
Or, what paths they take.
It's not a reflection of my identity.
But that's really hard to separate.
As a mom.
even as you started to say that, I was like, oh yeah.
I remember as a young mom.
Like, if my kids were good, that meant I was good.
Exactly.
Until my third, through the worst temper tantrum in the toy store.
And I was like, Oh, yes, it's not a reflection of me and every, every parent who has multiple kids can attest to this.
Every child is different.
And so my first one was so easy and so well mannered and well behaved.
And I mean, I was like, I am the best mom ever.
And the second one came along and I was like, Oh my gosh, I am the worst mom ever.
And not only that, I'm the worst human being ever.
I mean, it was just everything that the first one didn't do, the second one did.
And it was terrible.
how do we get from that point of realization that maybe there's some unhealthy? Going on here to walking in, a freer place of who we are.
I really do believe prayer is the answer to so much, really to everything.
I think that's where we have to be willing to sit before God and be willing for God to hold up a mirror to us.
And be willing to grow and submit.
And man, pride is a hard pill to swallow.
It is so hard and we don't think about being prideful as a mom.
we're trying to survive and we're trying to do it right and we want our kids to thrive and all these things.
But really, pride was a big thing with me I wanted to be right.
sometimes I'd be going, why am I arguing with a six year old? instead of just, no, I'm the parent and this is why, and end of story and, and be firm in it.
but there were times.
that I was not right.
And I told my husband the other day, I said, I am embarrassed to tell you the number of times that I argued with my kids about something or lost my temper before school and it would just eat at me.
I have my quiet time and I'd feel so guilty and I'd have to go up to the school.
And I mean, literally I would go to the school and say, um, excuse me, can I talk to Seth for a minute and get them out of class and be like, I am really sorry for what I, because I was so stressed.
I started their day off terrible And I would have to go up there and apologize.
with four kids, you know, 12 years of school that happened.
More than once, I wanted them to know, I don't always make the right choices or say the right things and I'm learning just like they are.
they learned to offer me grace and I learned to give myself grace.
you chose humility and what you modeled for your kids was amazing.
I don't think I really learned what you're talking about probably until.
Maybe it was even after my husband left, like true humility and brokenness and repenting over the things that I say that are hurtful we can say mean things.
Can't we? Oh, very much.
Very much.
We can hurt our children's hearts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And even unintentionally for sure.
But I mean, sometimes we're just angry and just spouting words.
My mom was very quick to anger.
And she was very volatile in her words and behavior.
so that's what I grew up with, and I knew it's not how I wanted to behave, but it also, like, I had to learn to manage my anger of losing my temper.
I think what kept the relationship strong with my kids, despite that, is that communication.
Like I was saying, of being present, they knew as I was showing up, they knew they could call me anytime and I'm available for them.
And not in the bailout way, but in the support way, or just the conversation way.
And I tried to also share with them Even from an early age, I would tell them a little about my day or what, you know, or about this person I saw at Walmart or, you know, just engage with them like a friend.
we learn to just have conversations all the time.
even to this day, now we just sit and chat and I, it makes me want to cry.
I feel so blessed.
My boys, say I'm their best friend.
that just is.
It chokes me up.
It's amazing.
But I think it's, it goes back to the conversations and the communication and the presence of they knew I was there to listen and to talk and to chat I have two adult boys living at home right now, paying rent.
And I mean, it's pretty fabulous.
I'm not going to lie.
it's working well, it's working wonderfully.
Wow.
That's kind of cool.
All my, all my kids, every one of them moved out and then moved back home for a season they usually didn't like to have to move back home.
but I said, I just, think it's because there's more that God wants to do when it's time.
It'll be time.
You'll go for good.
Don't worry.
I call them boomerang kids.
They come back.
You know, that speaks volumes though.
that the kids felt like they, they were okay with coming back.
Even if it's obviously not ideal, they want to be on their own.
They want to have independence, that kind of thing.
But I do know kids that They will go anywhere else but back home, they had an environment that they knew they were loved and they were welcomed to come back.
and I think that's A blessing and a compliment.
when you were raising kids? And I know like you're in the thick of it and you're just doing the daily, but I have a feeling you were mindful about the kind of adults that you wanted.
when they stepped away.
what's some of the qualities that you wanted to instill in your kids? Well, so here's my two things like I call them my soapbox things that I would die on the hill for okay You know, this is good.
Let's hear it girl I wanted my kids to do chores and They started doing chores early, early on, and I'll tell you why.
And then the second thing was gratitude.
I wanted them to be grateful, no matter what, So the first one about chores, we started, having our kids do chores.
And they were like two or three years old.
And we would empty all the glass and anything, um, that could hurt them out of the dishwasher.
And then they would just hand us little stuff out of the dishwasher and they would get to help.
and every night putting away their toys into the basket I feel like that one It teaches them what it takes to keep a household running and to be a part of the team and to contribute, but it also allows them to learn a work ethic.
we created a, we called it an opportunity chart where, we, have everything from load the dishwasher, unload the dishwasher, dust bust under the table after we eat, wipe down the counters, clean out the microwave, empty the trash, clean their bathrooms.
we had it all listed out and it rotates.
So nobody's stuck on, loading the dishwasher for all their life.
Justin would have to read the younger kids what their chores were.
And I get, it takes a long time.
And so sometimes you're just in a hurry my kids into having a strong work ethic and to being productive and to being self sufficient.
And so we knew that other than maybe paying the bills, by the time that they were a freshman in high school, they technically could have lived on their own.
You know, they knew how to clean their toilets.
They did their own laundry starting in middle school.
I stopped doing their laundry.
I would compliment them on, a job well done or their work ethic.
Or the fact that, they did their chores without being asked.
And, you know, and of course we went through the phase, there's attitude about it when they got to be in high school and, Oh, I don't want to do this.
but they still did it and they knew how to do it.
I just can't imagine having an adult child in my house that contributes absolutely nothing, I didn't want that for my kids I want my kids to thrive and to.
live an abundant life.
so I think that is one of the root foundations of it.
And then, my kids know a lot about my childhood and the life that I had and how drastically different it is than theirs.
And so I wanted them to always be grateful.
and it can be hard.
Sometimes we live in a really nice area in a fluent area.
And, you know, there's things that we can afford to give our kids that we choose not to.
so they have a hard time.
They've had to learn to navigate and still be grateful for what they have, even when other people seem to have more.
it has been such a core value with me.
To ingrain that in them.
I think they have done a pretty good job and they always say, thank you.
I see the appreciation come from them and I'm thankful for that.
gratitude is of course my song and dance and what it does for other people, but gosh, just what it does for our own wellbeing.
And if we teach our children to truly be grateful and to practice gratitude, that's, giving them 10 steps ahead.
In being resilient and being able to bounce back, maintaining joy, having a sound mind, making good decisions, being healthy, sleeping well, all kinds of wonderful things.
it wasn't just about chores.
And in the gratitude, it's not just about gratitude, the things that you were instilling And these were just the means to the end of what you wanted your kids to leave home with.
when my, Two oldest were in like a middle school youth group the youth pastor asked, so who has to do chores.
And of course, my boys raised our hand the youth pastor said.
Well, Justin, what do you get for doing chores? He goes, I get to live in my house.
Kimberly, you've just had some great mom wisdom to share.
it's been fun to swap stories and, and hear the values of your heart and how you maintain those values and, raised your kids in those values.
I do know that you are an author.
That you are a speaker, what else do you have your hand in this season of life? I am writing my third book and I'm helping coach Christian business women who are solopreneurs or, business owners with less than 10 employees, that are looking to grow their business.
So pretty niche down on the who.
writing and speaking is really where my passion lies and where I feel like God's called me during the season.
women, we are so valuable to God.
He sees us and he loves us and he treasures us and he cherishes us.
And it's so easy for women to forget that.
if this were a conversation you were having with a young mom and she was getting ready to leave and you were like, wait a minute, honey, one more thing.
I just want you to remember this one thing.
What would that be? I would want her to know she is important.
And so she needs to take time for herself.
She needs to pause.
She needs to not feel guilty we just push and go, go, go.
you are worth caring for yourself and we want to be our best version That's every woman's desire.
I believe that but we can't do that if we're not caring for ourselves.
I just would encourage every mom listening to not forget herself.
The importance of who she is and how valuable she is to God how valuable she is to her family we can't pour from it in an empty cup.
it is very hard That's a good word.
Thank you for hanging out with me.
I'm such an honor It's so great to hear more of your mom journey.
I know that there's so much we didn't get to Yeah.
I'm just, I'm honored to be on your podcast.
You have such a great podcast and I know several of the moms that listen and they are precious.
So I'm honored to get to share with such a valuable audience Wow, what an incredible conversation with Kimberly Wright.
If you're anything like me, you'll be chewing on these nuggets of wisdom for quite a while.
From the reminder That courage matters more than confidence, to the power of being present in the moment, even if that means enduring another long winded Minecraft monologue from your kids.
Kimberly gave us so many practical takeaways.
Here is an action step you might consider.
This week, pick one way to be fully present.
Whether it's putting your phone down at dinner, listening intently to your child's story, or just slowing down to soak in a moment with your family.
And mom, if you're having trouble figuring out what it looks like or even feels like to be fully present, consider joining me on March 20th and 21st for Align Your Life With What Matters Most.
and start living in alignment with God's best for you, sign up today at momtomommentoring.
com backslash values.
until next time, remember to live boldly, lead with purpose, love with passion, and parent with presence.
Remember, when you shine, you give others permission to shine too.
So, hey, let's go shine brightly together.