Latest / What's The Juice? / Ep.192 When Independence Complicates Dating

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Ep.192 When Independence Complicates Dating · What's The Juice?

0:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, some days you wake up and you feel great.
0:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You feel energized, you're ready to go.
0:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Some other days you wake up and you just kind of feel like, it's almost like the days against you.
0:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
0:26
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like you wake up and the first feeling you get is that.
0:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So, I'm trying to figure out what's going on.
0:32
[SPEAKER_02]: What's going on?
0:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And,
0:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And why, because, you know, it's not like you can just point to like, this is what is making me feel this way.
0:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Because sometimes, sometimes it just feels in the top of the way.
0:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you think it depends on how you slept or what you ate the night before or how late you ate?
0:52
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
0:53
[SPEAKER_02]: What I did the last thing I did yesterday was 100 pushups, which is not the greatest thing to do right before bed.
0:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you only literally did a hundred push-ups and then came asleep.
1:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm, but I'm on this challenge.
1:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I gave myself a challenge for the Montefiberary to do 100 push-ups a day, so I'm 200 push-ups in Montefiberary.
1:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to do some tonight, but I just actually don't know if that's really healthy for my muscles.
1:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you need time to rest and build.
1:22
[SPEAKER_02]: and come back to it.
1:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
1:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So the whole, but I don't know, I'm just going to try and see how it happens.
1:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we can do the maybe like five days a week.
1:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like you have at least two days in a week that are off.
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll see how it just weeks go.
1:35
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just think you shouldn't do that red for you to sleep.
1:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but actually I slept really good because
1:42
[SPEAKER_00]: we did a meditation.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: We did a meditation and during the meditation it was one of those that the lady was just giving us a lot of things to do, to move your toes, move your knees, close to each other.
1:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that got me.
1:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I was just like, what do you mean?
1:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So like, now I'm thinking about exercises normal.
2:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Almost.
2:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it didn't work.
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you only fell asleep before I did.
2:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't even know I was going to fall asleep like I woke up this morning and I had told me like you fell asleep last time before before her.
2:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like I was I I heard when the meditation ended.
2:16
[SPEAKER_00]: and then write as a meditation and did I just hear Yoni?
2:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew, because I was wondering, I thought maybe we were gonna say something, you're gonna be like, was that it?
2:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause it kinda ended like abruptly?
2:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh really?
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Or now really abruptly, but it's like, you know, sometimes I think I was already falling asleep.
2:35
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was like underlyingly falling asleep, so like I could still hear the meditation, but I wasn't like paying attention to it until she like said the last thing and then I realized because sometimes in a meditation they were like talking
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: and then they'll stop and they'll give you a break to like breathe or that's on purpose.
2:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Those stops is to is to let your brain kind of like float or just disappear into the dreams.
3:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:05
[SPEAKER_00]: But I mean, sometimes you don't only meditate to go to sleep, sometimes you meditate on it regularly.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I'm like, nah, is it over that I look and it's just like a pause.
3:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I think those pauses and spaces are so like, um,
3:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but yeah, you know, some things going on today with with my my energy, my mood, my like things is actually as you said, it feels like the day is against you.
3:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is, but it's kind of like an annoying.
3:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so we're pushing through that because we got we got things to do, we got work to do and we've got dilemmas.
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: to answer because as promised, we are picking back up with the episode from last week.
3:45
[SPEAKER_00]: We have a lot of unanswered and not discussed dilemmas from your submissions.
3:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Last episode we only did like six because we would be talking too much.
3:55
[SPEAKER_02]: We only did six but that was like an hour.
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so we're going to do more and we're going to try to keep them rapid fire.
4:03
[SPEAKER_00]: These ones are shorter ones, so we're just going to try to talk through as many as we can for today's episode.
4:09
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to do more than six.
4:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I promise you that.
4:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So should we get going?
4:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, let's go.
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: First submission.
4:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody said, feeling guilty for really wanting a partner.
4:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I am almost 30, single for about 10 years now, compared to, uh,
4:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
4:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Almost 30.
4:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm almost 30 single for about 10 years now.
4:40
[SPEAKER_02]: But why would someone feel guilty for wanting something if you want to, you kind of just want to.
4:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's, this is very interesting because when it comes to, especially like, women wanting to be in a relationship, there's this whole weird thing happening right now.
4:58
[SPEAKER_00]: where for one that is a positive thing, women are more independent than ever, women can stand on their own two feet.
5:07
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of energy kind of towards, you know, women not really trying to be in a relationship and living their lives and not depending on nobody.
5:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's great and it's positive and people feel good about that.
5:21
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's gone to this point where like,
5:25
[SPEAKER_00]: A little bit of the reverse is happening where now if a woman does want a relationship there's almost like
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like going against what we've been trying to get to.
5:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's why she's like feeling guilty.
5:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what is feeling guilty for really wanting a partner.
5:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like kind of a, a, what do you call it?
5:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Like not embarrassing.
5:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of a, a hard thing to admit or to say out loud because as an independent modern woman these days is, is like, it's, I hate admitting the fact
6:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think that's right.
6:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying that's like where this is coming from.
6:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a thing that's really happening.
6:12
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a duality of wanting to be independent and like two things can make sure at the same time.
6:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be an independent modern woman, have your own job, make your own money, have your own apartment, all these things, and also really want a partner and somebody to share this life with, without being a relationship taking away from what you have.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: But is the idea to be an independent, like a modern woman?
6:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that to say that you don't need a partner?
6:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's what I'm saying is kind of gotten to, it's gotten pushed to that level of sort of,
6:55
[SPEAKER_00]: kind of like, yeah, women aren't really like being in relationships.
6:58
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't need to be in relationships.
7:00
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't a relationship is not something that like, um, I don't know.
7:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, complete their life.
7:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a whole narrative.
7:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
7:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I don't, I don't like that.
7:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't maybe it's my perspective as a man, but I'm just trying to think like, you don't like what?
7:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't like that.
7:18
[SPEAKER_02]: It's, um,
7:21
[SPEAKER_02]: First of all, it's like a thing, if someone wants to be in a relationship, you should never feel bad about that, you should never feel like I'm incapable of certain things, like I just want to be with someone.
7:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to want to share my, you can be the most independent person.
7:39
[SPEAKER_02]: and still love your partner, you know, and also believe it or not, your partner adds to your life.
7:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this whole delusion where I don't need, and also for men, I don't know if men, that is the same thing for men.
7:55
[SPEAKER_00]: The reason why this is a thing for a woman is because for so long is like, women's worth has been attached to being with a man.
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And women's success,
8:06
[SPEAKER_00]: in their life is like have they gotten married yet and have they created this like life for themselves it's like for so for up until recently you know it's like not that long ago when women's worth was always like quantified by having a husband and having children and a beautiful home and maintaining that home and like all these things
8:35
[SPEAKER_00]: it's not a surprising out of the ordinary thing for a woman to choose to not have a partner and to prioritize her career, her friends over a guy, not being obsessed with like, constantly being in a relationship caring what men think, and that's great.
8:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
8:53
[SPEAKER_00]: but you can push it you can but it's gone to like anything it's gone to the extreme where now it's like admitting that you actually want to be in a relationship or wanting to be with a man or or anything around that comes with like this weird nuance of guilt of like I feel guilty that a 30 years old
9:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Being single for so long.
9:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like I really want a partner.
9:21
[SPEAKER_00]: This was a huge thing in the sex in the city of like being so independent and knowing who you are and all these things and and none of your worth being placed on being in a relationship with a man But then still admitting like but damn like I do want it.
9:37
[SPEAKER_00]: It almost like in in our mind like it's created a thing where these two things can't coexist together, but they can
9:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because I don't think that's happening at all.
9:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's like the next step, right?
9:48
[SPEAKER_02]: But I get the idea and I love the independence because, you know, I'm all for that.
9:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
9:54
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm not saying this because I'm a man, but I think you, I don't think,
10:01
[SPEAKER_02]: we realize how much in a relationship, a healthy relationship adds to your life.
10:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Not necessarily because the other person will bring you things or it's, I feel like it's for my, I don't think it's so much about the idea of a relationship is more the, it's the of meeting that like, at the meeting what, that you, that you want love in your life?
10:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to explain because you don't, you don't, you never felt the sort of like, I don't know how to explain it's like, if you're a single and independent, what's the difference between someone who is independent and in a relationship?
10:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, how are these two women views different?
10:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell me that?
10:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Like the single and differently?
10:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
10:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's like you're independent, but to a certain extent because you're still in a relationship.
11:03
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a difference between like being in a relationship where you divide, you know, like costs of living and just day to day things or woman that like truly does everything on her own and doesn't need nobody.
11:17
[SPEAKER_00]: She gets her groceries, she travels by herself, she pays for everything in her life.
11:20
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a certain pride that comes with that as a woman because for so long,
11:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not being that, that now this is something that women are really proud to be able to do to provide for themselves in a way that they never have before and to really feel content with their life and being like, I don't need nobody.
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But then to have been like this person, I'm not speaking for this person necessarily, but as an example, they said that they've been single for like 10 years now.
11:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so it's like,
11:50
[SPEAKER_00]: maybe at some points that this was making them happy, this whole independence doing their own thing, all that.
11:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And then to reach this point where they're about to turn 30 and they're like, you know, but it's like, I want, I do want love and I do want this.
12:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And the problem is like, we're, as you're saying, for you're coming from the perspective of like, this wanting a relationship,
12:16
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about heterosexual relationships here.
12:19
[SPEAKER_00]: A woman wanting a relationship with another man is in our mind is sort of like, I'm generalizing, but it kind of is like not necessarily a step back, but it's almost
12:34
[SPEAKER_00]: you're you have to like give up a little bit of it's the same thing I don't think it's a step back I think it's a step up even not a step back even for a man like look just speak from that perspective a single man independent whatever thing a single man can be a single man his whole life nobody's thinking anything that's a normal man
12:55
[SPEAKER_00]: But then a man that's in a relationship, people were like, who's like, loyal or whatever, people are gonna be like, oh, he's, he's, he's, who's what?
13:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't know what if you call it like, he's whipped, or what is that word?
13:07
[SPEAKER_02]: That is crazy.
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I think if any I mean being single is great do you think and enjoy that first long as you want it's all about what you want to do like I don't I is this some sort of like a trend to be single and independent like I mean I mean I don't know if you want to call it a trend but it's the same thing with like me being really stubborn when it comes to certain things wanting to do them myself and you're like but I don't understand why you just wouldn't ask me
13:37
[SPEAKER_00]: It's generation, it's like from my mom, to like my grandma, to everything, it's like these are deep, deep things that like I carry with me as a woman right now that like that I can only imagine if I was about to turn 30, having been in a relationship in so long and have been proud of being able to just like,
14:02
[SPEAKER_00]: do everything myself and I have to rely on anybody not having a relationship to sort of latch on.
14:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know I'm painting, being in a relationship as a negative thing.
14:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And obviously, I'm in a very happy relationship, so it's not, it's not like the messaging I'm trying to push out, but this is a very real and nuanced thing.
14:28
[SPEAKER_00]: There are single women out there that are like, I don't want a relationship right now.
14:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's, I mean, that's great.
14:35
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know how like a big of a thing that is, it's not, it's not a, like, oh, when a woman is single, so much off in the question is like, are you like trying to be in a relationship?
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you dating whatever a single guy is the pressure and the expectations?
14:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Not get done and everything's like so different and it still is now.
14:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So women are like trying to free themselves of this whole expectations of like, when are you gonna be in a relationship?
15:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, are you gonna be in a married?
15:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, do you wanna get married?
15:04
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I can think.
15:05
[SPEAKER_00]: but then sometimes you can take like anything you can take it so far to when you almost feel like guilty for going because you're it's like an innate thing of like you're thinking you're going against against like what you've been preaching and loving about your life is the fact that you're single that you don't need nobody that you can be happy and content without being in a relationship
15:34
[SPEAKER_00]: on having a good relationship and being with a guy who's successful and all these things so much worth has been attached to that for women.
15:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And now we freed ourselves of this.
15:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And then to admit that I'm like, but damn, like, I do want to be in relationship.
15:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It almost feels like
15:51
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm saying.
15:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It almost feels like you're going against what you've been fighting for your independence for so long.
15:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But the wrong thing is that we're associating being in relationship with letting go of that.
16:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but fighting for your independence and you know, let's say someone is fighting for that, but you have to truly believe it.
16:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't just fight the fight.
16:10
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean?
16:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Like someone who wants, like you said earlier, but then I want to be in a relationship.
16:18
[SPEAKER_02]: But meanwhile, you're fighting the thing that society or whoever...
16:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like you're fighting a big monsters.
16:25
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, I know, but you say, like...
16:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You're trying to get away from women needing to be with a man or latch on to a relationship to make things easy, then it makes you feel a little bit less independent.
16:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you are fighting for that, but at the same time you want to be in a relationship.
16:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Just being a relationship and you'll be, I think to mean my head the point is to be happy.
16:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So if I'm single and I'm independent and I'm getting everything done, but then I go home and I don't have anybody, whether you want it or not.
17:07
[SPEAKER_02]: At some point, I think everybody wants to share something with someone, everybody wants to come home at night and tell a story or this will happen today.
17:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe you didn't know it with someone.
17:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's basically that you've been telling yourself, probably for a long time, I don't
17:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it can be true at one point.
17:28
[SPEAKER_02]: No, it can be true, but at some point you're going to want to be with somebody.
17:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe some people don't want to have kids that's totally fine, but at some point.
17:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's almost like a temporary thing.
17:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me do the independent thing for a little bit just to show myself that I can do it.
17:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I'm a gay.
17:44
[SPEAKER_02]: in a relationship, but I just don't like the fact that getting in a relationship feels like some sort of okay step back now.
17:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, yeah, I guess step back is honestly like the right thing, but I'm trying to explain where the guilt is coming from.
17:57
[SPEAKER_02]: It could be like a level up, okay, now I'm going to be with somebody.
18:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to share my life.
18:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to be beautiful.
18:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a half kids.
18:03
[SPEAKER_02]: To me, that sounds like... Yeah.
18:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying nowadays, a single successful
18:15
[SPEAKER_00]: in a relationship successful woman.
18:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm saying is there's a certain image that comes with being a single independent woman that like that is like a woman who is just like always out on a bow, she's traveling, she's doing this, she's doing that, she has her friends, all these things.
18:38
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like now that's become more of the dream for women.
18:43
[SPEAKER_00]: at least when they're like in their 20s.
18:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Now I have a question for you.
18:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I get that and I love that by the way, so I don't want to sound like I'm against what you're saying or what the one I see is.
18:52
[SPEAKER_02]: But let's say we all have feelings and those are things that we can't control.
18:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's say you're independent, you're doing your thing, running around, you have your own business, whatever, that's amazing.
19:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But now let's say you see a guy or maybe you happen to connect with someone and you fall in love, right?
19:09
[SPEAKER_02]: What are you doing?
19:10
[SPEAKER_02]: What are you doing that situation?
19:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, do you that you're not?
19:13
[SPEAKER_00]: The next thing is hopefully that man is not threatened by any of your independence or success or everything you built for yourself So you don't have to dim your light to be in a relationship with his person.
19:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so let's say next thing
19:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Which like you also then you want to be in a relationship, but then you have to find somebody who accepts all of your independence and all of your self-worth and everything that you have like built for yourself.
19:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And the problem is this is not really hard to find these days as well.
19:47
[SPEAKER_02]: But you didn't ask for my question, so what happens as an independent woman that you happen to fall in love and you get to meet someone that could be potentially out of no, that you're a person?
19:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, then you just have to let go of your independence a little bit, and...
20:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But you don't have to let go of that is what I'm saying.
20:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you're not gonna share your life now.
20:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, but just because let's say you split rent, doesn't mean...
20:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not.
20:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but some women have this, this, this, this, this has been portrayed so many times in like TV shows and if it's like that, that it's like, it's gone to the level when they're like, I don't want to manage to take care of me.
20:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
20:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So they, they have a hard time letting somebody in.
20:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Because they're so guarded, so they're so protective of what the life that they've built for themselves.
20:39
[SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't involve a relationship.
20:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm.
20:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think the idea is like anytime any woman gets in a relationship, this is you're almost like, you're in a relationship with the person you want to be, but you're also kind of fighting like mentally like I'm not going to let you
20:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, also some, because I know exactly the type of man you talk about.
21:02
[SPEAKER_02]: There's, you know, this type of man.
21:04
[SPEAKER_00]: There's so much he wants, this conversation is not like.
21:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And then it's just like he's, I don't know, maybe like a super alpha male and he's going to be like, no, I'm going to buy this for you.
21:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to open a door for you.
21:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and then that's what you mean by them your light like taking away a little bit Yeah, or men feel like threatened to be with somebody who is so Confident and That that man's like who doesn't need them at all and who's got everything figured out Okay, it's like there's there are quite a lot of men who don't know how to deal with that level of confidence in that level And I don't want anybody listening to this.
21:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying everybody's like this
21:44
[SPEAKER_00]: everybody is that i'm not generalizing i'm this a very specific scenario it's very specific type of woman what we're talking about and a very specific you know uh circumstance but i have had a friend who is exactly this type of person has been single for several years it's so independent
22:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're like good head on her shoulders.
22:07
[SPEAKER_00]: She's got her whole life figure out she has her friend She travels.
22:10
[SPEAKER_00]: She does all these things and anytime there's been any sort of like romantic Interest and potential thing and she's somebody who wants to be in a relationship So she's not somebody who's like I don't need no man like she doesn't she doesn't need a relationship But she wants one okay
22:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And every single guy that she has, you know, tried to sort of see if there's something there has been threatened by how how well she does for herself how secure she is how confident she is it's like it's always been too much, you know, so there's there's a lot of nuance when it comes to this whole.
22:51
[SPEAKER_00]: This whole like if you want to call it like renaissance of of women being so independent that it has it has like switched the way and the way in which women operate when it comes to relationships and also the way women and men interact with each other and it's like why there's so many people that are struggling to date.
23:16
[SPEAKER_00]: it's that it's this and it's also the way that dating has just changed completely because of dating apps and the way people date now is like just completely different.
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, but I think someone has to do with the whole like being independent aspect as well.
23:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I honestly think that if you just show up to your first date and you start into meet someone
23:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Just be yourself without having these mind tricks and games as a man.
23:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Be yourself, stop trying to do everything, stop trying to pay for every single thing.
23:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not like that, like I go somewhere and it's like, just...
23:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever you feel like is right in the moment, stop trying to think because you're taking the woman on a date that you have to, I don't know, pick her up, but she got her own car, but then you're going to be like, no, I'm going to come pick you up.
24:10
[SPEAKER_02]: That's step number one of like, of that type of thing.
24:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though you have a car, no, I'm going to drop to your house.
24:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to pick you up and then drop you off.
24:19
[SPEAKER_02]: That's like,
24:20
[SPEAKER_02]: and then but don't just meet there, if it has a car, let's meet there.
24:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like that's a healthy way of just
24:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But see, this is where dating.
24:30
[SPEAKER_00]: The example number one, this is where dating gets complicated, because who says that this woman is this type of woman?
24:36
[SPEAKER_00]: The girl that he's going on a date with might be not this type of woman.
24:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we might want to be picked up because it feels like she might want to be paid for.
24:44
[SPEAKER_00]: She might want the door to be open for her.
24:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's also not wrong with that.
24:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, exactly, but what I'm saying is like, that's where it's got complicated.
24:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you don't know who you have, you have way more types of women before there was just the standard.
24:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Which is everybody has their role and women are paid for that sounds crazy to say, but you know what I mean like on a date is like the guy pays for whatever they're doing and he pays several times and all these things and now it's like not everybody's like that
25:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's no clear, there's no cookie cutter formula for dating.
25:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's where it gets more complicated.
25:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Because there's also people that are somewhere in the middle.
25:28
[SPEAKER_00]: There's women that are independent to a certain extent, but then still want to get taken care of to a certain extent.
25:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like only in certain things.
25:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So how can one know?
25:46
[SPEAKER_02]: How can he figure out what type of woman he's I mean, you have to just call it.
25:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You got this is where.
25:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I don't know.
25:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Things you're going to be.
25:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, first it.
25:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So do you like me to open a door for you?
25:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Can I pay for this?
25:59
[SPEAKER_02]: How many times can I pay?
26:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Can I pick you up?
26:01
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't talk about these things.
26:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
26:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Kind of like you.
26:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of like trial and error.
26:05
[SPEAKER_02]: You go out.
26:07
[SPEAKER_02]: you open the door and then she might say she might just stay behind and be like, no, walk in or she might love it that you open the door for.
26:17
[SPEAKER_02]: You might pay the first bill.
26:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But I hate how much thinking there is about it now because it's not fair for both parties and I understand the women's side completely 100%.
26:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But for the man's perspective, it's really gotten tricky too.
26:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, I feel that.
26:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's not just, you know, on the women's side be just like on the other side as well.
26:38
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, we, I'm saying, we, I never dealt with that.
26:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe a little bit actually with you.
26:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
26:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
26:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I will say, yeah.
26:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, Alia used to hate me opening the door for her.
26:52
[SPEAKER_00]: because you would be like opening the door for me when it's inconvenient to open the door.
26:55
[SPEAKER_02]: But if it goes somewhere, I would just open the door for you and then you'd walk in, but then after a few times, you, but we were really transparent from the beginning.
27:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So it was me, you were really transparent from the beginning.
27:06
[SPEAKER_02]: So we, we never had like a problem about that.
27:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I just kind of, I just was like, bro, just walks into the door.
27:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you, it sometimes was like inconvenient.
27:16
[SPEAKER_00]: free to open the door for me and I just never was somebody who would like cared about that is like obviously open that if you're walking in front of me like open the door and you can keep the door open but it's like I know if I'm walking behind you how can I open the door anyways someone who opens the door will always walk in front of you yeah I know but sometimes you would walk in front of me open the door and then like stand to the side so that I walk in first
27:42
[SPEAKER_02]: See, but I think it's a nice thing to do.
27:45
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not a bad thing to do.
27:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You can get mad at someone who did that.
27:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, but then there was ties where I feel like there was other people trying to like walk or man.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't know.
27:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I just remember there were ties where I felt like it was, it was illogical for you to to hold the door open for me.
28:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I was like just walked through.
28:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it became a thing that I realized is like, I get that you're trying to be nice, but I don't care that much, is what I was trying to say.
28:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And then, nah, this was, I just walked in, but that feels, that's true.
28:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you open the door.
28:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sometimes I open a door for you and then you walk through like it's it's a nice thing to do and I just don't like in general when things are like Gender-based where it's like, oh, the guy has to do it because the girl has to go like yeah, yeah, no, I don't like those stuff.
28:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I get it now.
28:27
[SPEAKER_02]: It now.
28:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It's everything.
28:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean after seven years.
28:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I know it's Those are things that I don't think about.
28:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I open a door for you and if I don't open a door for you, it's not a it's not a thing.
28:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes I want to be people like see us
28:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember your mom called it out that you were walking in front of me.
28:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I was just like, she don't care about that.
28:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:48
[SPEAKER_02]: But I don't, I don't, yeah, we're walking somewhere together.
28:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was just, I told her, I was like, this is not, this is not like that.
28:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like, I was just walking behind you a little bit and then she was like, yeah, I gotta walk in front.
29:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
29:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's clearly we can't do rapid fire because just got into one question.
29:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So now with dating, I feel like it's, I understand why it is the way it is now, but it's really, also hard for men to figure out.
29:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
29:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm talking about the type of man who's like kind of even neutral.
29:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
29:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not talking about the one who demands the power.
29:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
29:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't rock with that.
29:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Like she demand.
29:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And then if you get mad at, you know, the women for doing certain things.
29:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Now you're getting into like a whole toxic relationship.
29:45
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm just talking about the guy.
29:47
[SPEAKER_02]: you know, who's like me, neutral, I like this girl, you want to be respectful.
29:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I first think any guy from the beginning, he would show that side first if you aren't like that.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't ever show up and just not like, of course, I mean, you're trying to put your best foot forward like both people are doing that.
30:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly, but sooner than later, you'll figure out
30:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, she likes and what she doesn't like but you have to be Don't fight it because now you're starting on starting off on on on the bad foot Yeah, she tells you certain things hey babe like you know or not even babe because you might not feel at the stage yet But you know if she tells you like hey like I can just like pay for myself or like or I'll get the next bill or I'll open my own door whatever Then you can be okay.
30:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Cool.
30:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean I do think
30:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is also a big awareness thing for now we're talking specifically about dating not necessarily this submission, but I think if I were single now and I'm like most people that are single these days, I think are aware.
30:54
[SPEAKER_00]: More or less just about how this whole dating scene has like changed how people think about dating how they approach date dating that I think it would be good for women to be aware of this and like if you are somebody Like nobody if you're somebody that is kind of neutral in the sense that you know you want
31:17
[SPEAKER_00]: things like you obviously want to be respected and it's nice for somebody to do something for you and to show that they care and that they want to, you know, be nice, you know that.
31:25
[SPEAKER_00]: That's great.
31:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But I also think that like it's up to you to communicate.
31:36
[SPEAKER_00]: what things you care about, what things you don't, in a way that makes sense.
31:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, not on the first day.
31:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I like you to open a door for me, but I don't care for you to do this.
31:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to pay for the first three dates, and then we can split the check.
31:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, obviously, I'm not saying that.
31:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it has to be intuitive, it has to be like socially aware, and it has to be natural.
31:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And, but also like, it's up to you because the guy, like if I was a guy trying to go on dates right now, I wouldn't know how to approach this shit.
32:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you the type of woman that will get offended if I like ask the split the bill or are you gonna be offended if I if I offered a pay right away and also when guys do that It's not necessarily anything.
32:15
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not it doesn't have to do with who has the power who has more money who's taking care of who is just about being nice like
32:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
32:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
32:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how to like I know that's what I'm saying.
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like these are all so things that are so just kind of like Everybody's wondering what what to do Tap a thing
32:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Because imagine you go on a day and then the first date, right?
32:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And then the woman wants to pay for that.
32:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Most, most guys, whether you're neutral, whatever, would, would feel damn, but I got to pay for that.
32:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
32:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Why?
32:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Most men, I feel like would, would feel like damn, I should have, I should have pull out my card faster.
33:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I feel like generally the guy would at least be like, no, let me pay and if not, like we're splitting it.
33:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
33:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, and that's where let's say a guy's like, okay, cool.
33:13
[SPEAKER_00]: The girl's gonna be like, damn it.
33:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, let me pivot this whole thing.
33:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
33:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if she offered, and then let's say he's like, you know, okay, cool.
33:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And then he lets her do it every time because guess what?
33:25
[SPEAKER_02]: She's independent.
33:26
[SPEAKER_02]: She got money.
33:27
[SPEAKER_02]: She don't need no money.
33:28
[SPEAKER_02]: So she pays for every meal, right?
33:31
[SPEAKER_00]: No, that's crazy.
33:31
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, but now she's going to think in her head like that.
33:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And who am I?
33:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Who am I?
33:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know it.
33:36
[SPEAKER_02]: He's not even.
33:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's so tricky because that's not going to be okay either.
33:40
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I think splitting is always the best.
33:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I always think, I never thought about it.
33:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Blending it is the best, like the beginning of the relationship.
33:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when you're going on the first couple of dates, it's like you're both there contributing if the guy is really insistent on, like, paying for it.
34:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, okay, cool, but I would offer to split it.
34:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that already lets him know, that's the type of girl I am.
34:07
[SPEAKER_00]: If that's how I want to build this relationship.
34:10
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to establish that.
34:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I have little things, communicate things.
34:13
[SPEAKER_02]: But what if the woman wants to pay for every meal?
34:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Because she's strong and independent.
34:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Why are you making it like so?
34:21
[SPEAKER_02]: No, because I'm trying to think about the other extremes, because we're talking about the man doing that, which is something that some women don't like.
34:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that would not happen.
34:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think a woman would end up paying for every date that they go on, and she's continuing to go on dates with them.
34:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone wants to feel a little bit like they're being taken care of in some way.
34:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether we want to fight it or not, ladies.
34:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So you guys, you know, if you're a guy out there listening, good luck at there, bro.
34:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Good luck.
34:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but don't make it seem like we're being difficult.
34:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you also have to understand this is like a hard thing for a woman to navigate as well.
35:03
[SPEAKER_00]: We're trying to figure out how can we keep better independence while also wanting a relationship without all the guilt, without all the, all the sort of like let go.
35:12
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I think you guys can do that?
35:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Just.
35:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Just flow, just flow like water and also discuss for everybody, man, women, whatever, be open and with how you're feeling, what your views are about these certain things, I feel like if we the more we talk about these things, the better, early, the earlier you do the shit in the relationship, the better, you know, yep, so...
35:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, good luck for everybody, man.
35:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I'm good.
35:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like whenever we got together, it was starting to become this way.
35:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Or it was already, like 2021, it's been like that for... What do you mean?
35:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Like from the beginning, I would let you know where I stood so that it was clear that I'm not trying to be, like I don't need you to be like, pay for shit all the time and I just didn't care for that.
36:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
36:03
[SPEAKER_00]: It's that we're both in this relationship.
36:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah and and also if you know relationship just don't at least you like it because some people love the he's taking care of me his pain for everything that's to some people that's what they want Yeah it's like everything's done for me
36:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's okay, and some people don't, and as a man, she doesn't like it, you have to respect it, because the moment you start fighting it, this is when friction happens, and then it's not good.
36:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's worth it.
36:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you need to find somebody that is compatible with you on this.
36:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and we are very compatible.
36:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
36:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So, but you know, sometimes if like,
36:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I think over time, I've let go of certain things that in my head I was just very stubborn about when it comes to like carrying, hell, heavy things or reaching for something that's like really tall and not asking for help because I don't want to inconvenience you but also because I just want to be able to do it on my own but then I can't because I'm short.
37:07
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't know, various things just like they've changed over the years.
37:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Even in a work space, this is an example I gave in season one, but I used to work at coffee shop in Seattle.
37:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we're talking in a relationship, but... No, no, no.
37:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, really, she-but I'm just talking about like... Man, woman thing, right?
37:28
[SPEAKER_02]: She was scaring... Not even a million else.
37:31
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, yes, someone else, my coworker, was scaring.
37:34
[SPEAKER_02]: She just went to the office to bring some more milk to the coffee shop, every need.
37:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it was all in local, whatever.
37:40
[SPEAKER_02]: and I saw that it was pretty heavy and I wanted to help but I remember thinking should I ask or should I just ignore an act like I don't see her struggling and I remember thinking about the NFL so bad because maybe it's the type of woman that would be oh yes thank you or no no I got it and guess what I ended up asking anyways and she was like oh my god thank
38:08
[SPEAKER_02]: that that was it, but I do but also she would have said no I got it that that's also yeah that's cool that's also okay but I'm not talking about her response I'm talking about how I had to think about can I can I help her naturally I would always want to help men or woman I just don't make it a thing that if she says no and continues to struggle it's like let her struggle then
38:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know, and I've done that before too.
38:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like when we were in Japan and we had to carry our suitcases in the train and it's like you only had a suitcase.
38:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a suitcase.
38:45
[SPEAKER_00]: My mom and my sister each had a suitcase and you only kept asking if my mom and my sister needed help and then both of them were like no we're good.
38:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they kept struggling with the suitcase, but it's like, it's okay to struggle with the suitcase.
39:01
[SPEAKER_00]: You made it seem like it's a thing that they're like trying to mean the pen in and don't want you to help.
39:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it was that, but also it's okay to do something that is hard and just do it, you know what I mean?
39:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Just because something like, think about it, shit is hard for a man to do.
39:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody's asking does he need help because he's a man.
39:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So he's gonna struggle and he's gonna get it done.
39:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Why don't we apply the same thing to women?
39:23
[SPEAKER_02]: But just like you said, it's okay to, as a woman, if something is heavier and you carry in a heavy suitcase down stairs, it's okay to do that.
39:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Even...
39:33
[SPEAKER_02]: just because it's hard doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but at the same time, it's also okay to let someone just help you.
39:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like there's a lot of unnecessary ego there when also you can have the mindset of being like, you know, yeah, thanks for, thanks for the help.
39:50
[SPEAKER_02]: That's great.
39:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Doesn't make, doesn't take anything away from who you are, how strong you are, but listen, it's really easy for you to say that without being.
39:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that is true.
40:01
[SPEAKER_02]: That is true.
40:01
[SPEAKER_02]: But for me, sometimes when you know what, this exists with men and men too.
40:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Someone is carrying something and he wants and another man ask him like, yo, like, you know, can I help you?
40:13
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, I got it.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like heavy, but you don't want to seem like you're kind of weak a little bit.
40:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So you're like, you kind of,
40:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And now that happened in my life, planning time was before or sometimes when I work with someone who's a little bit shorter to me, it's another man, right?
40:28
[SPEAKER_02]: He wants to reach for something, I can just reach up and grab it and he needs to get like a step or two, right?
40:34
[SPEAKER_02]: So then I asked, I was like, oh, like, you know, can I grab something for you?
40:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And then we're like, no, no, I got it.
40:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I would see like, they were trying to like linger maybe until I go away to get a step and it's a, I did.
40:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the batter.
40:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, but I think I mean, if I wasn't any of these situations knowing me and how I am, I love asking for help.
40:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but it's also because you're somebody who your entire life, you've been very capable of getting to do No, being strong and being tall and being able to do things But I feel like if you have no physical like limitations or social limitations being put on you when anybody looks at you as a person They're looking at you as very capable and there's no doubt about you only being capable to do most things
41:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But living as somebody growing up and over and over again, being underestimated and always good as like you're not capable to do something for the fact that you're a woman or but then
41:37
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean?
41:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Or a man, like if you are weaker or shorter.
41:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's what I was going to say on top of that, like being a woman is one thing that automatically it's like to help her to make sure that like she probably can't do that, can't do this.
41:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like always being underestimated, but then on top of that, to also be short or, you know, like maybe maybe like,
42:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Skinny and it seems like you can't really like lift things or just being underestimated Is something that you carry with you and some people care about that
42:13
[SPEAKER_00]: like I do and I deeply care about that's something that I I carry with me all the time being a woman and being a petite woman where like everything is always at a reach yeah but then there's there's some who'd like don't give a shit about it at all and they're like give me some help somebody you know and it's it's totally cool whatever you are but i'm just saying
42:43
[SPEAKER_00]: independently just as me who I have been but then also generationally from how my mom like raised me how I've seen her carry herself as like a really independent woman it it like inspired me to something that I like I really hold close to my heart is like I stand on that yeah you know I understand you I can't have said it better
43:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, is this the whole episode?
43:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think we can, we can just do this and guys, I'm promise.
43:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So I was like, I'm promise we're going to have more than six submissions.
43:13
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think this was a really good conversation that we never spoke about that.
43:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So this whole episode, we're going to have to figure out a different title for this one.
43:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, we're just going to keep, we're going to do an episode of each submission.
43:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I don't think that's not bad.
43:26
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it makes it out like this.
43:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and that was a good submission that you started with But I mean, I feel like this one should be called single independent woman or something like that.
43:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that something like that should be the title So moving moving forward
43:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, to respond to this submission, thank you so much for this submission.
43:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So now you're getting close to 30 and you feel she said she feels guilty.
43:52
[SPEAKER_02]: What a really wanting a murderer.
43:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Now listen, we also just assumed that this person is talking about like a man, maybe they just mean a partner in general.
44:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
44:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I just assumed maybe they are saying they are feeling really guilty wanting a partner.
44:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I just that that made me think that
44:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, who knows?
44:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we don't know.
44:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we don't know.
44:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Any words of advice for her?
44:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, getting 30 same.
44:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think like the takeaway from the, from this whole conversation, which I feel I didn't expect to have, is, is that the, like we said at the beginning, two things can be true.
44:33
[SPEAKER_00]: you can be independent, you can be 30, you can even be close to 40, you can have been single for X amount of years and had a great life and you felt happy and good, that can be true.
44:47
[SPEAKER_00]: While today you're like, you know what?
44:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I really want a partner, and I really want to share my life with somebody, and that can be true at the same time.
44:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And that doesn't take away from the thing before.
44:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't take away from your independence from all these things.
45:02
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what I've been saying.
45:05
[SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't contradict the itself at all, but some people, I guess, feel like it is.
45:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I can speak to...
45:13
[SPEAKER_00]: how it feels contradicting for some reason, deep on the inside.
45:18
[SPEAKER_00]: If you like really said and talk about it like we did today, you realize like it doesn't have to be contradicting and it's not contradicting.
45:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's because we've created all these like sort of shields of protection and these boxes where it's like you're either the single independent woman or you're in this other box,
45:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And I love the single independent woman.
45:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I do, but does that mean?
45:49
[SPEAKER_00]: that they can't have all of that and be in a relationship.
45:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't mean that you can't have a family.
45:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Like let's say someone wants to be that their whole life.
45:56
[SPEAKER_02]: That means that you're just going to be single then.
45:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, maybe you're just dating around.
46:00
[SPEAKER_00]: If they want that though, like if they are, if they want to be, there are single people out there that just have never been, like, they'd never been married than have been in a relationship.
46:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that because you're saying they want to or just, that, that just never been a family.
46:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I don't know.
46:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's a case by case basis.
46:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know a lot of those people personally.
46:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But what I'm saying with the independent thing that we talked about is that, do we all agree that it's a temporary thing?
46:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I think in, like, if you want kids and family, you can't be, you can't have kids and a family, but no husband or no, no, no, you can't do it by yourself.
46:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You can.
46:43
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the thing, these days, there are plenty of women that have kids without being in a relationship.
46:49
[SPEAKER_00]: They get a sperm donor.
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
46:51
[SPEAKER_00]: They have a baby.
46:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's it.
46:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
46:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean.
46:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's where, like, that's where the modernness of it all comes in.
47:02
[SPEAKER_00]: or without there's just so much nuance when it comes to like what people can do while women want.
47:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I literally had a school teacher when I was in high school.
47:12
[SPEAKER_00]: She was, I can't remember how old she was, but she was like maybe mid 30.
47:16
[SPEAKER_00]: She was my English teacher.
47:18
[SPEAKER_00]: She was in her mid 30s to maybe late 30s and she was pregnant from a sperm donor.
47:27
[SPEAKER_00]: She was very open about it.
47:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you know why she didn't want to, she, she, she kind of had this sort of like extreme feminist energy about her in a way that she kind of frequently talked about like she had this frequent.
47:43
[SPEAKER_00]: energy like men are trash type of thing which is kind of crazy to think that she was like our school teacher and and I got that from her being in school when I was like 17 you know um but she yeah she was very open about it that she was like not in a relationship she was not married and she was not trying to be in a relationship or like was not looking
48:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, I mean, yeah, that's how she explained it.
48:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, great.
48:15
[SPEAKER_02]: That's where it ends for me.
48:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Do all that all your beliefs are you happy?
48:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, cool.
48:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but that's the thing where it's like, don't do all these things, but on the inside, you're craving a relationship, but like you're doing the independent thing.
48:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I mean, I would be really curious to hear like where she's at now.
48:34
[SPEAKER_00]: She was a very interesting person because she always kind of like came across at me as they said like a extreme feminist.
48:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want it to be taken like the wrong way when I say that, but I think we all know what I mean.
48:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Where it was kind of like just everything like men or medieval men or bad blah blah blah.
48:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it kind of aligned the fact that then she was like, I'm going to have a baby like by myself and then she was pregnant.
49:07
[SPEAKER_00]: when we were at school and she was like it's not like she was always talking about this you know but it was a thing like that everybody knew um and of course she's she's in her right to be very open about her decision her experience like all these things but I think that
49:24
[SPEAKER_00]: plus being attached to like her demeanor towards just men as a species was like species species species species it was um it was the perfect combination of of that type of person but regardless I think this is a super complex conversation and I think overall we we touched on a lot of
49:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Clearly, it's not a black and white thing.
49:55
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
49:56
[SPEAKER_00]: There's so many shades of gray when it comes to this, from the, like, women and independence and how they want to be treated in relationships, wanting relationships, like, it's complicated, but I also think it's a, like, the net, the next necessary step is for us to remember that more than one thing can be true at the same time, which is something that is really
50:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
50:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
50:23
[SPEAKER_02]: No, personally for me, I would prefer to be in a relationship with someone who is independent.
50:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
50:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I like that.
50:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I like you to have your own thing.
50:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I like you to be able to just, like, just live.
50:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, no, you know what I mean?
50:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I do sometimes wish I would ask you for help more often to like do things for me to,
50:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, me too, but I wouldn't love you to ask me more if anything, any time you need help, I would love to know so I can help and when I help, it's not I don't think of it as I helped her because she can I just help my person because let's do this.
51:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's get this shit done.
51:06
[UNKNOWN]: Right.
51:06
[SPEAKER_02]: If I help you carry something, I don't think I'm stronger than you, I'm just like, okay, let's go.
51:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
51:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think like that.
51:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Anytime I help you with anything or anybody, I don't walk away thinking like, I'm super mad.
51:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Like no, I just like that's true, but if I let you help me with something, that then you're like carrying perfect example like when we went skiing, I specifically was like, I'm not however heavy my skis are, I'm going to carry my skis.
51:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
51:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Because there's girls out here who don't have no boyfriend, no husband, no whatever carrying their skis, if they're carrying their skis.
51:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
51:42
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm more than capable to carry my skis and I will.
51:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
51:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I did and you did.
51:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I, but it was like a thing in my brain, because it was heavy and it wasn't knowing.
51:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, of course, I would rather not carry my skis, but I'm a carry that shit.
51:58
[SPEAKER_02]: But I just want you to know that I don't equate you asking for help to like your weakness.
52:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I think about it as like convenience.
52:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that's great, but it's more of a me thing.
52:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, but you should know that I'm thinking about what's going to be the most convenient for our family, like how can we get this shit done.
52:21
[SPEAKER_02]: The most effective way without.
52:26
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
52:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't mean.
52:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was going to say something else too.
52:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, so anything that we talked about today.
52:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I agree with the women's perspective being independent.
52:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that, and I can say, I like the relationship that I'm in.
52:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Versus, let's say you or someone who expected me to do everything for you.
52:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Like carry every single little thing, opening the door.
52:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're outside.
52:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I wouldn't enjoy that because I'm just like, you can do all of this too.
52:57
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
52:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
52:58
[SPEAKER_02]: That's just my preference.
53:00
[SPEAKER_02]: There's some guys who love to take care of everything.
53:03
[SPEAKER_02]: they, their whole being is about, I'm taking care of everything and they love that and they're prodded that and if that works for your relationship, that's great.
53:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
53:15
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're aligned with that which a partner, which a partner, perfect, you, there's nothing to talk about.
53:22
[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, so that's it.
53:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so don't fight it, okay?
53:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Like if you are sent away and you feel like you need help but you don't want to because there are any of these things just just just ask for help.
53:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that makes sense what I just said.
53:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I think we're talking about your feelings.
53:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, if you feel like you need help, just ask for help.
53:45
[SPEAKER_02]: It's okay.
53:46
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
53:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
53:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
53:49
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
53:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Which type of person are you?
53:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you?
53:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Man or woman?
53:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you the one who wants to do everything?
53:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you okay with, you know what?
53:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not a big deal.
53:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you just lift the shit up for me?
54:00
[SPEAKER_02]: She just have you.
54:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But listen, I've gone way better.
54:03
[SPEAKER_02]: and shit is heavy.
54:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Like if you just think like common sense, if something is heavy, bro, can you just help me?
54:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I will ask another man or whoever, if I can't carry something, can you help me?
54:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it doesn't take away from like yesterday my my bag was hell of heavy because I had my computer Had my camera was all these things and you saw me struggling because that's she was heavy And then you were like here baby.
54:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me carry you.
54:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I just take it for you and then some something to give it to you And I was like yeah, honestly take it, but see like I would have kept struggling Before I would have asked you for help for like a while What
54:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I know.
54:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me act like I don't even, like, I know that.
54:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like I actually had been wanting to give you my bag for a minute.
54:50
[SPEAKER_00]: But I actually, I think I just took it because you had it on your- There's just something about like, see, there's something about seeing a couple walking anywhere, and then the guy is like holding the woman's bag.
55:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I just don't like that.
55:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want to be that type of couple.
55:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, how big is the bag?
55:05
[SPEAKER_02]: How heavy is it?
55:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't have, I don't know.
55:08
[SPEAKER_02]: But there's also- He's hell, like how many- Same way.
55:10
[SPEAKER_02]: There's also- Seeing a couple walking down the street.
55:14
[SPEAKER_02]: The guy's carrying a bag and then- And then his ladies carrying a big ass heavy bag.
55:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's struggling.
55:20
[SPEAKER_02]: There's something that looks off about that too.
55:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, man, can he help her?
55:24
[SPEAKER_02]: That's true.
55:24
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
55:26
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
55:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I've seen those videos where it's like, it's a mom.
55:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And she has her baby, the stroller, and groceries.
55:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And the guy's just tuned.
55:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
55:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's also the other side of it.
55:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, this is sook.
55:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I never thought about it in like these type of detail.
55:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I would love, I can't wait to read the comments on this episode.
55:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So drop them down below, with love to hear all the takes.
55:51
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're listening to Spotify, I think leaving comments on Apple and music unfortunately, it's not, I don't think you can even do that.
55:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can't do that.
55:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So just listen on Spotify so you can contribute to the conversation.
56:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
56:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I really want to hear what you guys have to say.
56:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And we might read some for the next episode because this is so interesting.
56:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
56:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, good luck a little good luck out there for everybody.
56:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody who is in the dating world on single and ready to mingle.
56:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and yeah, we we will pick up the dilemma next week.
56:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we get through to that time.
56:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I think way we did one or two today.
56:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Did one.
56:28
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, that was just one.
56:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That was the first one.
56:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, shout out to, if you feel listening to this, I used to admit it this week, thank you.
56:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And please DM us, and let us know that was you, because I don't even know that.
56:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
56:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you guys.
56:44
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll see you next week with another episode.
56:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Hope you have a beautiful day and you're staying warm out there.
56:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully we get past this winter soon, cause I'm over it.
56:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
56:57
[SPEAKER_02]: If you are in Patreon, we'll see you on Sunday with another video, a video with a video episode.
57:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And that is it.
57:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
57:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I gotta go.
57:08
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to the city now.
57:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we got a it's a beautiful day outside.
57:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Today is sunny blue skies beautiful, but tomorrow we're supposed to get snowed this weekend.
57:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
57:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it's like three days in a row, but it's not the weekend.
57:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like later this week.
57:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Later this week is literally tomorrow.
57:24
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's like middle of next week.
57:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's too far ahead.
57:27
[SPEAKER_02]: It might change before we did it.
57:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
57:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, now this weekend is gonna be it's gonna be sunny actually.
57:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
57:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Hold.
57:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to listen to the CV.
57:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, bye guys.
57:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Great episode today guys.
57:39
[SPEAKER_02]: See you later.
57:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for if you made it all the way to the end.
57:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Honestly, there's no word.
57:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Just tell us how you felt about this episode.
57:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And though, hold back.
57:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Be honest.
57:46
[SPEAKER_02]: We love a long honest comment.
57:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll read your shit.
57:50
[SPEAKER_02]: I read everything on one.
57:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
57:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
57:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye.
57:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye.
57:54
[SPEAKER_02]: See you later.
57:59
[UNKNOWN]: Thank you.