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Making a Positive Contribution (Even When It Feels Tiny) · The Karen Kenney Show

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Karen Kenney: It's the Karen Kenney Show. Hey, you guys,
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welcome to the Karen Kenney Show. I'm super duper excited to
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be here with you today, and we're just gonna dive right into
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this sucker. Okay, so if you're new here, hi, welcome. I'm so
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happy to have you. If you've been around the block with me a
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few times, you know you already know this about me, that I am a
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writer, and even though I do a lot of different things for
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work, I'm what's considered a multi-passionate person. Some
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people call it a multi-potentialite, whatever.
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How I most identify, probably, is as a writer, and as a
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storyteller, and as a communicator, right? Like, hence
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the podcast. I can, I can run my mouth, but I can also like write
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some words down, you know, so when what, so being a writer,
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what you may not know, if you're new here, and if you are new
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here. Hello, welcome. Thank you for being here. But if you've
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been around the block with me for a little bit, you know
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already that I am a writer, that I am working on a memoir, I'm
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working on a book, and when you set out onto this task of
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writing a book, it can totally paralyze you with fear. Now, if
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you're listening to this and you're like, "I'm not a writer,
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why should I give a shit? Just trust me, hang in this, stick
1:15
with me. I'm going to share some things that are absolutely going
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to apply to, like, universal life of being a human, right?
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I'm just coming at it from this angle, but it can feel really
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big and really scary. So you try to figure out, like, how am I
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going to get this monstrosity of a thing done, because if you
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really just think I have to write how many words, how many
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pages, how many chapters, it's so easy to get paralyzed, to get
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stuck in your tracks, to like self sabotage, and we're going
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to get to that in a minute. So you try to find different ways
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of kind of entering into the project without feeling
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completely overwhelmed, you know. And so one of the things
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you do is you start to look at like what the writers, the great
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writers who have come before you, like what is their writing
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practice, or what do they recommend, or what do they do,
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and there's a lot of information out there, you know. Some
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writers will tell you, hit a certain word count, or sit, hit
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a certain page count, you got to write this many number of words,
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right? And when you think about about a page of typed words, is
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like 250 words is about right, equal to a page, you know. And
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then you go, okay, I need to get this many words, which equals
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this many pages, is all these things. Then sometimes people
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will say, don't even worry about writing good pages, just write
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crappy pages, right. And I've heard my mom, like other writers
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that I follow, talk about this, everybody from Stephen King to
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Andre Debus to Ryan Holiday, who I'm a big fan of. I read a lot
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of his books. They've talked about this process, right? And,
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and even those things, though, can start to feel overwhelming,
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because you put these.. what's the word I'm looking for.. these
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metrics, right? You put these.. these goals, like I got to hit
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this many things, or otherwise it's just all shit, or I let
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myself down, and it can be really easy to self-sabotage
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yourself with disappointment in yourself. And so, in other
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episodes of this podcast, and this is where these are going to
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apply to you as well, right? I've done two different podcasts
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that kind of talk about this concept in slightly different
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ways, and I'll tell you what those are, but the first one
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I'll refer to is episode 281 where I talked about breaking
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things down, and I talked about a process called Kaizen, it's K
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A I Z E N, I'm pretty sure they used Kaizen at Toyota when they
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were starting to figure out how to make really good and reliable
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cars. The goal of the company was to practice in this way,
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which is this: Kaizen is continuous improvement through
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small incremental steps to just do a little bit each day to get
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better, and over time that stuff builds up. I think of it like
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compound interest, right? First, you think, oh, I'm just putting
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20 bucks a week, or whatever it is, 20 bucks a month, 20 bucks a
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week, 100 bucks a month into my savings account. It might not
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seem like a big deal, but every little bit that you put into
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your savings account, not only do you make money, like make
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interest on that money, then you start to make interest on the
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money and the interest, right? And that's how things grow. It
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might seem like teeny tiny small incremental steps, but those
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things create continuous improvement and continuous
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growth, and I know that Ryan Holiday has talked about this
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before. He recently did a blog post where he was saying that
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when he first started writing, he would be like, "I'm going to
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try to write like 2000 words a day, and then he was like,
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"Okay, no, now I'm going to try to write just two crappy pages
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a. Not even good ones, just like two crappy ones, he said, and
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then that metric even became like too much, and he said
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everything was getting managed and measured, and he said, you
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know, that that that metric of just writing a certain number of
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pages, in his words, he says the problem with measuring output in
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pages is that it implies that adding pages is what you should
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be doing every day, and that's not what the goal is. He says
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for him the goal is making a positive contribution every day,
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and he says this is the one question he asks himself at the
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end of every day: Did I make a positive contribution to my
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writing today. I think this is such a fantastic question. This
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idea of making a positive contribution. Now let's take it
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away from writing for a moment. For you, it might apply in your
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life like this. Did I make a positive contribution right to
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my bank account today, right, or my savings account. Maybe you
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have a goal to save a certain amount of money because you want
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to have an emergency fund, or you want to take a vacation, or
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you want to buy somebody a gift, or buy, treat yourself to
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something, whatever it is. Did I make a positive contribution
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today? Now, the positive contribution might be that you
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actually put some pennies aside, right? You put some dollar bills
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aside, and you put some bucks in the bank account, but the
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positive contribution might be that you also didn't go and buy
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that $8 friggin cafe latte and croissant, or whatever. You know
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what I mean? Maybe the positive contribution to it was that you
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saved money by not spending money, like you made your own
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lunch at home, or whatever it is, right? So you break it down
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into these little tiny steps, and we can apply this, like I
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said, to everything. We can apply it to writing, we can
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apply it to fitness, because one of the things that our brains
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love to do, and as humans we love to do, is we think that if
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the contribution, right, if our positive contribution wasn't
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big, then it didn't matter, right. We do this all or nothing
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thinking, and this is one of the biggest ways that we sabotage
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ourselves, that if we didn't do a workout for 45 minutes, that
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it doesn't count. So, we'll say, "Oh, I only had 10 minutes. What
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was 10 minutes going to do? So I just didn't work out, or I
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didn't take the walk around the block, or I didn't move my body
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because I didn't have enough time. And we do this as writers
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too. Sometimes we convince ourselves that the only way to
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be productive is I need these big chunks of time where I'm
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going to be completely uninterrupted, and I'm going to
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go into my little writing studio, or my office, or my
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space, and I just need all this time in order for it to matter,
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and it's just not true, you know. One of my beloved friends,
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in one of my beloved, and he's also a writing mentor of mine,
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Andre Debus the Third, he talks about that, how he wrote one of
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his books was, you know, he was, he was either doing construction
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during the day, and like bartending at night, or
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whatever. This is when his kids were really young. He's like,
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they were broke, you know? He was married, he was broke. And I
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don't know if he.. how many.. I don't know if he only had one
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child at the time, but the point of the story is, is that he used
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to write by pulling over and packing at this cemetery, and in
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like 20 minute chunks he would just pull over, he would take
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his car and his pencil, and he would write down in his
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notebook, right, or whatever piece of paper he was writing
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on, I think it was like a Mead notebook, like one of the
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composition books, and he would scribble with his, you know,
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carpenter's pencil after his shift, in between going to his
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next job or going home, he'd pull over into the cemetery, and
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with those 20 minutes, that's how he got the book done. It was
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like, you know, bit by bit, bird by bird, as Annie Lamotte would
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say, right? If you haven't read, if you're a writer and you
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haven't read Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, I highly, highly,
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highly recommend it, but we underestimate what those little
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things built up over time can do for us, and when we go into all
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or nothing thinking, right, then again we will find the brain
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will find 1000 reasons why. So there might be a day, let's say,
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and I'll do this for myself sometimes too, if I know I'm
9:17
going to have a really hard time squeezing in like a 45 minute
9:20
workout, or a long walk, or whatever the thing is. I'll be
9:24
like, man, so we have our driveway is like pretty steep,
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like my sweetie today, he's gonna go out and he's gonna like
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do the driveway, like training his legs, like coming uphill,
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uphill, uphill. So maybe I can't go out and I can't do like, you
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know, a 45 minute run or walk or whatever, but I can get my ass
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outside and I can walk up and down that hill five times,
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right? You know what I mean, or even sitting at my desk
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throughout the day. Sometimes I'll like set a timer, and I'll
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be like either on the half hour or the hour. I'll stand up,
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right? I'll do five minutes of stretching, or I'll do, like,
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you know, body weight squats, or like, whatever. It's like you
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can find. Ways to work in and meet your goals in little
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chunks, even if it doesn't feel ideal. I, you can ask yourself,
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like Ryan Holiday does, am I making a positive contribution?
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It's like, am I taking that money and putting a little bit
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in the bank, and the bank can be your health, the bank can be
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your well-being, the bank could be in fitness. It's like even if
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you were saying, let's say you wanted to learn a new language,
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and your ideal is like, I'm going to sit down an hour every
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night and do it, and then all of a sudden life gets crazy, you're
10:34
wicked busy, like you can't make it happen. Like, do you just
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give up on your dream, or maybe you just say, hey, and that five
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minutes that I have, or in that 10 minutes that I have, I'm
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still gonna listen, you know. I remember that I did an episode,
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I think it was episode 212 and it was called Little Hinges
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Swing Big Doors, and if you just take a look, right, walk around
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your house, look at those tiny hinges on the edges of the
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doors, and think about what that think about the heavy lifting
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that those tiny little hinges are doing in opening those doors
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up, so it can be really, really, really easy to self sabotage
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ourselves and say that I can't get it done because I'm not
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making a big enough, you know, contribution, and even though
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I'm coming at it from the point of view of, you know, starting
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with writing, this applies to our whole life, as I'm saying.
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So I wrote down some, some places, right? So I said, okay,
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so you can do it. You can apply this to writing, you can apply
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it to fitness. Don't just throw up your hands and say, oh, I
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didn't have time to go to the gym today, I don't know, stand
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in your kitchen, do some jumping jacks, it's like, oh, I couldn't
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get to yoga, that's okay, sit your ass down while you're
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watching TV and stretch, you know what I mean, it's like, we
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don't, it doesn't have to be ideal circumstances for it to to
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create compound interest in your life, if you want to practice,
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right, if you want to be more patient, let's say that you have
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really low patience. Oh my god, devil, amen. Hands, do I get it?
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How do we get more patient? We practice being patient by 1000
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different opportunities throughout the day, sitting at a
12:11
red light, right, waiting for your kids to put their shoes on,
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whatever, like letting your dog sniff when he's outside, not
12:19
just jerking them around and making them rush. I see so many
12:22
dog owners who make their dogs rush on their walks because they
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don't know that sniffing is one of the best things for their
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brains and their bodies, and it helps them in so many ways,
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right? So, if you want to become more patient, we practice being
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patient in these little micro movements. You want to become
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more confident, we more confident you just take little
12:43
moments where you may be like challenge yourself to increase
12:47
your courage to do something maybe not huge and scary, but
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maybe you take a little step, maybe you look somebody in the
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eye, maybe you firm your handshake, I don't know, like
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whatever it is for you, but this idea of making a positive
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contribution in the direction of your dream, in the direction of
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the person that you want to come, in the direction of your
13:08
goal, not insisting that it's these huge goals like two, you
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know, 2000 words or two pages a day, or whatever the thing is,
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is it's like, no, did I just move forward, right? When we
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think about Kaizen again, continuous improvement through
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small incremental steps, you know, I was thinking about in
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the Bhagavad Gita. So, as a yoga teacher, right, pretty familiar
13:33
with the Bhagavad Gita, I have read it multiple times, like I
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can't quote, like, you know, like past major passages or
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anything, but I'm very familiar with the story, and so I love
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this from the Bhagavad Gita, right? So it's in chapter two,
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and it's verse 40, and I love this, and it says this. So we're
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talking here, like, you know, as a spiritual mentor, people will
13:54
often say, like, how do I know I'm making progress on the
13:57
spiritual path, or I didn't get to, you know, do my DSP for like
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30 minutes today, or whatever, today, like, is it just a waste?
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It's just a waste of time. So they'll say they'll throw up
14:08
their hands and just say, "Well, I just didn't do it, so I didn't
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do my meditation because I didn't have half an hour, I
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didn't have 20 minutes, or I didn't have whatever. And so
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they just either don't do it, or they feel like whatever they did
14:19
was a lame attempt, like it didn't count right, and so
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listen to this, though the Bhagavad Gita, it says this on
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this path, effort never goes to waste, and there is no failure,
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even a little effort towards spiritual awareness will yield
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protection from the greatest fear, you guys on the path, on
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the spiritual path. No effort ever goes to waste. It all
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counts. Even a little effort towards spiritual awareness will
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yield protection, right? And it's so fantastic, and I'm. One
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of my teachers, Aswaran, says that this is one of the most
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memorable verses in the Gita for him, and he says it's applicable
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to every aspect of human life, and it says when we meditate
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within for even a short period of time every day, the effort is
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not wasted, every little bit when you are allowing yourself
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to bring your mind back to love, to bring your mind back to
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peace, to bring your attention back to kindness, because that's
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the work, is to be incrementally. You want to be
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more kind and compassionate, then you practice small, teeny
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steps of doing it. You're not all of a sudden going to turn
15:35
around, right, your personality like overnight, like that. It
15:39
rarely happens, you know what I mean, yeah. There's certain
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things in life you do cold turkey, right? Some people,
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though, have learned right to quit smoking by making a
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positive contribution of smoking slowly one less cigarette a day
15:55
from their pack, and then they get down to one a day, and then
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eventually they can let that fall away. The positive
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contribution, you would think, like, well, smoking two
16:04
cigarettes is a positive contribution. I'm like, it's
16:07
better than a whole fucking pack, you know what I'm saying.
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So it's like not ideal, yes, but slowly but surely we can make
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positive, positive efforts in the direction that we are trying
16:20
to get to whether you're trying to create new habits, be
16:24
different, right? Like, maybe there's a personality, a
16:27
characteristic of your personality that doesn't win you
16:30
any, doesn't help you out, doesn't win you any awards,
16:36
right? Doesn't help you out in your relationship. So, these can
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be really positive things, and even in A Course in Miracles,
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right, Ken Wapnick, who's a, you know, a teacher who was, he's
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dead now, but he was a teacher of Course in Miracles, and I
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remember Ken one saying, you know, people often say to him,
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like, how do I know I'm making progress on the spiritual path,
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and he used to say, you know, you're making progress on the
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spiritual path, not, not by never, because we think it has
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to be all or nothing again. He says it's not that you never
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take a detour into fear again. He goes, how you know you're
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making progress is by how quickly you recognize that you
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have taken a detour into fear. It's not that it never ever ever
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happens again, and you can think of taking a detour into fear as
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losing your peace, right, losing your ability to like choose who
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and how you want to be, because when we take detours into fear,
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we are usually trapped, we are really hugely hooked by our ego,
17:36
and we're about to do something that is not going to be a true
17:40
representation of who we really are, which is love. So, when we
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take detours into fear, when we go out of our right mind, and we
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go into the place that is not peaceful, that is not loving,
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that is not compassionate, that is not kind, right. And I'm not,
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we're not always going to be there all the time, but instead
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of beating ourselves up, it's like when we recognize it's like
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that. Pause, right? When we put a comment in our commentary,
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when we put a comma, a pause in our, and our thinking, and we
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realize, like, oh, I could make a different choice here. I don't
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have to keep, you know, making a contribution in, in the
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negative. I don't have to go into the red, right? I don't
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have to go into the red, and and make some withdrawals that like
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do and say some things that I am not going to be able to take
18:24
back, right. So this question of am I making a positive
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contribution, you get to decide what that is for you, and
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towards which thing, like I said, you can apply this to a
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project like writing or fitness or learning, or your savings
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account, or like I said, building patience, or making
18:45
better connections with your family, or maybe you're working
18:48
on forgiveness, or whatever the thing is. It's not, did I do
18:53
2000 words, or all these pages, or did I run five miles? It's
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like, did I get my ass out of the chair and get outside? Did I
19:01
get some fresh air? Did I move my body? You know, because it
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all adds up, and that's the thing - is we often don't, we
19:10
often don't. We have this way of saying it doesn't count, and
19:17
it's like, even like Americans with super sizing, right? We
19:20
like everything big and bold, and whatever, but magical things
19:24
can happen in small, like, as Linda Ty will say. You know,
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I've had Linda on the show. If you haven't listened to those
19:31
episodes with Linda Ty, you know, go check them out. She's
19:35
fantastic. She's a, she's a lot of things, but she's a trauma
19:38
therapist, she's a storyteller, she's a teacher, she's a
19:41
brilliant human being, but she calls it sip, sip. So, rather
19:47
than like fire hosing ourselves or guzzling, thinking that
19:49
that's the only way to get better or to heal, we can sip
19:53
sip little tiny bits. Okay, and Zeno is often having said this.
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He says, well-being is realized by small steps. Zena, one of
20:07
the, one of the Stoic teachers, right? Well, being is realized
20:10
by small steps, but is truly no small thing. So, even though
20:17
it's small steps, it's a small positive contribution, it's no
20:22
small thing. So take a few moments and take a look at your
20:27
life, and notice when you have blurted out those words. Right,
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we can do it the other way too. Is like I already ate the
20:33
cookie, I might as well eat the whole package, the whole sleeve,
20:36
right? Or, oh, I already had the piece of cake, I might as well
20:38
eat the whole thing. It's like, no, you can make a positive
20:40
contribution by deciding to stop right now. You already said the
20:48
one mean thing, maybe you want to pause your big mouth, right?
20:51
And back it up, back it up, clock what you just did. You
20:58
took a detour into fear, you kind of went out of your right
21:00
mind, and you said some shit, you might want to stop while
21:02
you're ahead, right? So, making a positive contribution can look
21:05
like a lot of things, and if you're a fellow writer and a
21:08
fellow creative, and you're trying to get a project done,
21:11
this is such a great thing that you can do. Is yes, it's fine.
21:14
Some people love to track metrics, right, but for me it's
21:18
also like, do I just want to accumulate a bunch of two pages
21:21
that are shitty, or do I want to take and write maybe one really
21:25
good sentence or one really good paragraph and keep moving slowly
21:29
but incrementally improving, making a positive contribution,
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and like I said, you can apply this to your health, to your to
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your emotional well being, to your physical well being, to
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your financial well being, to your spiritual well-being,
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right, like all of it, mental, physical, spiritual, and mental,
21:47
physical, emotional, as well, right. So, if you've been
21:49
struggling with some things, your well-being can happen in
21:52
small steps. You don't have to wake up and say, today's the
21:56
day, I'm going to drink 96 ounces of water, and I'm only
21:59
going to eat this, and I'm all, I'm going to work, and I'm going
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to do this every.. no, you're not. You're probably not. You're
22:04
probably not. You're probably not. And the one of the final
22:09
things I'll say, especially to write, is is that one of the
22:12
things we'll say is, well, I'm going to wait until I have a
22:16
chunk of time, and I'm going to wait until I can. And I've done
22:18
it myself too. I've said these words too. I had to clock what I
22:22
was doing. I had to recognize what I was doing, right? But
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again, it can be applied to just about anything. I only have $5
22:30
so I'm not going to put it in my savings account. No, it all
22:33
counts. But for writers, one of the lies that we'll tell
22:37
ourselves is I'm going to wait. It's I always say, when I then
22:41
I, when I, then I, when I do, when I get this, I'll finally do
22:46
this. I did a whole podcast on this a wicked long time ago.
22:49
Maybe I'll do another one, because it's important. It's
22:51
important to clock when we're doing this. But here's the
22:55
thing, as a writer, if you are, if you are pulling that on
22:59
yourself and saying, well, I'll wait until I get a big chunk of
23:01
time. Let me tell you something. If you are not writing now, this
23:05
delusion, this illusion, this thing you tell yourself, of like
23:09
when I, when I get that time, then I'll know you won't. If
23:12
you're not writing now, you probably won't be writing then
23:15
as well. So I'd rather you just take a little bit of time, get
23:18
some words down on the page, stop moving in the direction of
23:23
your project, move it, because your book has its own soul,
23:26
right? Like you're writing your pieces, your poetry, your
23:30
whatever you are creating, right? It has its own desire,
23:34
and it has its own energy, it has its own spirit, and I always
23:37
say this: it wants to come through, but you got to be open
23:40
and available, like you got to be open for business, you know
23:43
what I'm saying. So, I'd rather you just sit your ass down and
23:46
write a little something rather than nothing. Make a positive
23:50
contribution, whether it's in your writing, in your
23:52
relationships, in your bank account, in your fitness, your
23:56
health, your well-being, your mental and emotional well-being,
23:59
a little bit every day, move in that direction, because those
24:04
little hinges are going to swing open those big doors. Now, if
24:09
you're still here, oh, if you're still here, I feel like I've
24:12
been talking really fast. I probably have been. I get worked
24:16
up sometimes, I get really excited. But here's the other
24:18
thing I want to say before I forget, when you, when you make
24:21
those little incremental right steps, sometimes it helps you.
24:26
It's like you can slowly start to tiptoe past the inner critic.
24:30
You can start to tiptoe past the voices in your head that are
24:34
like, who are you to think that you can do this, or data that,
24:37
because when you're just taking those little things, right? I'm
24:40
not saying you don't swing big for the fences once in a while,
24:43
but I'm just saying if you do daily little steps, right, you
24:47
up your steps, maybe you start and you say, all right, I'm
24:49
making this up, I'm gonna get 1000 steps today, and then the
24:52
following week you're like, hey, I'm gonna bump this up to 1500
24:55
or 2000 steps, and before you know it, you guys, you're at
24:58
6000 you're at 10,000 whatever. Where the goal is, and that
25:02
little sleeping monster, right, the little snoring monster that
25:06
loves to wake up and stop you when you dream big. You can just
25:09
kind of like start to tiptoe past your fear and pass that
25:12
little, that little bastard that lives up in your brain. But if
25:17
you're listening, listen, if you're a writer and you're
25:20
listening and you're local, especially if you're local to
25:23
like Concord, New Hampshire. I am starting what's called Write
25:26
Club. I have been doing writing workshops since 2004 I've been
25:30
doing these for a wicked long time, but I'm starting a new
25:32
thing called Write Club, and I'm going to be doing one locally at
25:36
the end of May on Saturday, may 30, at the 11th Letter Writing
25:40
Gallery, and the goal is we already picked out the dates all
25:44
the way up until October, is to do it once a month in person.
25:47
There are three hour workshops. You can find out more by going
25:51
to Karen Kenney, k e n n e y, Karen kenney.com right back
25:56
slash write club, no dash, no space, just Karen
26:00
kenney.com/write Club, and you'll learn all about it, all
26:03
about the process that we use. This is really a love-centered
26:07
approach to writing. You get to spend time together, you get to
26:11
learn about craft, you get to write and read your work out
26:15
loud, so you get to hear your own voice, find out where your
26:18
own genius lies. This is such a fantastic gathering, and I love
26:24
doing these workshops. I'm a certified gateless writing
26:26
instructor, and it informs a lot of what I do, along with other
26:31
teachers that I've studied with over the years, and it's really
26:33
just so fantastic. And, of course, my own - my, I bring my
26:36
own full self, all of my years of experience in everything from
26:40
yoga to spiritual mentoring to whatever right to writing and
26:42
creativity, so all of these things kind of come together in
26:46
this beautiful three hour workshop. And then eventually
26:49
I'm also going to start maybe doing some online for folks who
26:53
are not local and can't make it in person, but if you have any
26:57
questions about that, just reach out to me. There's always a
26:59
contact form on my on my website, you can go there. You
27:03
can also shoot me an email, Karen at Karen kenney.com I'm
27:07
pretty easy to get in touch with. So, thank you so much for
27:10
listening. I hope this episode has been helpful to you in some
27:13
way. This is me doing my best to make a positive contribution
27:17
today to you, and hopefully you found it helpful in some way, so
27:21
wherever you go, may you leave the animals and yourself and the
27:25
people and the planet and the environment better than how you
27:28
found it. Wherever you go, may you and your energy and your
27:33
presence and your love and your positive contribution be a
27:38
blessing. Bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show.
27:42
I really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the
27:46
show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,
27:49
please share it with them and help me to spread the good word
27:53
and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my
27:56
upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up
28:02
and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye
28:06
bye.