Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP. 49: The SECRET to Making LASTING Changes in Your Life & Business | The Ambitious Podcast

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EP. 49: The SECRET to Making LASTING Changes in Your Life & Business | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

0:07
Hello and welcome back to Ambitious.
0:10
I first of all want to say that if you were someone who is
0:13
coming back to today's episode from last week, I want to
0:16
welcome you back and thank you for joining me for another week
0:19
and tuning in. And also, if you are somebody
0:21
new and this is your first episode listening, maybe a
0:23
friend sent this to you or you discovered us on the Internet on
0:27
Spotify. I also want to say a warm
0:29
welcome and thank. Thank you for listening and
0:31
we're excited to have you join us in this ambitious family.
0:34
I really am pumped about today's topic because one of the things
0:38
that as an entrepreneur, I feel like it's the kind of like
0:41
unspoken thing is that entrepreneurship is the most
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intense personal development journey you're ever going to go
0:46
on. If you are an entrepreneur, you
0:48
are bracing for impact. And when I mean impact, change
0:52
in the individual that you are and the way that you operate in
0:55
your life and business is constantly in development.
0:58
And if you are somebody who wants to succeed as an
1:01
entrepreneur and frankly, in any bucket of your life, whether
1:04
it's with fitness, it could be your mental health, it could be
1:07
in relationships, in literally any area or category, you're
1:12
going to have a goal. And what does the goal require
1:14
us to do? It actually requires us to
1:17
change, right? All of us desire and we have
1:19
this constant pull toward becoming something better,
1:23
sometimes becoming something different.
1:25
But the question becomes like, how do we do that?
1:27
Right? All of us are on this constant
1:29
quest to develop ourselves and to be able to shift into
1:33
something else, but how do we actually do that?
1:35
And so in previous episodes, which we also, if you scroll
1:39
back, have done very recently, we've done episodes about, you
1:42
know, goal setting and how to do an effective goal setting.
1:44
How do you really decide what your vision is for what it is
1:48
that you want to change? But today we're going to talk
1:50
about the actual stages of change that occur and how to
1:54
really identify which bucket you might be in.
1:56
And I'm also going to overlap this with a model that I learned
1:59
this year that was really helpful for me in helping me to
2:03
understand why I wasn't changing.
2:06
And it helped me to just learn so much more about myself and
2:10
frankly, to know what to do to help to get progress.
2:13
Because I, just as much as the next person, set goals sometimes
2:17
on things and I don't achieve them or I don't make progress on
2:20
them, or I feel like I stay stuck in them.
2:22
And I think that's really frustrating.
2:24
At least I felt frustrated. I felt like there's times where
2:27
I've set a goal and I struggle and I'm kind of just constantly
2:32
in this in this rumination or circle around it versus actually
2:35
making movement and in understanding the stages.
2:38
There's two models we're going to go through today, the stages
2:42
of change model, but also the levels of competence model.
2:46
And these two models, I'm going to make them super easy and
2:49
digestible for you. And I'm also going to tell you a
2:51
story of how I specifically went through these.
2:53
You can kind of have a tactical visual of what these might look
2:56
like for you. And these are important because
2:59
they go through the process of understanding how we change, but
3:02
also the process of our own perspective in the way we're
3:05
changing. So how is our own awareness
3:09
shifting at each of those stages of change as well?
3:12
So without getting too much into the the models themselves, I
3:16
want to get kind of into the steps and break this down to
3:18
make it super simple and digestible.
3:21
So when we're looking at change, the thing that we have to
3:25
recognize and kind of address the elephant in the room, if you
3:28
will, is the fact that not all of us are ready to change.
3:32
I myself have had many times where I was in a place where I
3:37
didn't necessarily know that I even wanted to make a change
3:40
about it yet. I didn't even know I had a
3:41
problem. I didn't realize that I had any
3:43
issue happening. And this is considered pre
3:47
contemplation in the stages of change.
3:50
And this is also considered what is labeled as unconscious
3:53
incompetence. And so in unconscious
3:56
incompetence, really what that means is we are not consciously
4:00
aware that we are not good at something.
4:03
We have no awareness. It's not like you know me was
4:05
skiing where I'm aware of the fact that I'm not great at it.
4:10
We are not even at a place where we are aware that we are not
4:13
good. And so this has happened in
4:16
buckets in my life. I sometimes have been in
4:20
patterns with my health that I really didn't have any awareness
4:23
were all that bad, or maybe I was in a relationship that I
4:27
didn't really have the ability at that time to acknowledge that
4:30
anything was wrong. And most importantly in
4:33
business, there was a time in my business when it was actually
4:38
doing really well and scaling and I didn't really even realize
4:43
that I had an issue. And I want to kind of break this
4:46
down for you because in stage 1 of precontemplation, this is
4:50
really where you're at a place where you are not thinking about
4:54
change. You're not talking about change.
4:57
You're not even aware you got a problem.
4:59
And it's tough because some of you may even have, you know, in
5:03
certain situations or other buckets in your life, other
5:06
people telling you you have a problem and you're like, no, I
5:09
don't. I don't resonate with that.
5:11
And that's because you might be at a stage where you don't even
5:14
have an awareness of it yet. You're not even conscious.
5:18
You don't have it in your conscious brain day-to-day that
5:21
you have a problem. And so this stage in business
5:26
was actually not that long ago. I had this happen probably about
5:30
nine months ago. And nine months ago I went to a
5:35
conference and I was going to this conference like I did any
5:38
other conference. And my business was scaling.
5:41
Things were flowing and going, or so I thought.
5:44
And when I went to this conference, I attended the way I
5:48
would any other, I was consuming strategies.
5:51
I was, you know, listening to the speakers.
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I was networking and at the time, looking back on it now at
5:58
the time, my quote UN quote normal or what I had very much
6:02
normalized was to be honest, a lot of hours in the business.
6:06
I was working all the time and I, you know, didn't necessarily
6:12
always respect the boundaries that I had set up for myself.
6:15
It was constantly something that I was trying to kind of get a
6:18
grasp on. I would find myself having
6:20
moments of little experiences of burnout and feeling like
6:24
frustrated with the business or feeling like I was, you know,
6:28
tired or exhausted. But I always chalked it up to be
6:31
like good old scaling, right? Like it's just, you know,
6:34
hustle. And that's just what it is.
6:37
And I didn't know I had anything wrong.
6:40
I'm going to be honest. At that time, my perspective was
6:45
that I was someone who was like a hustling go getter.
6:50
I hate to use this term, but like boss babe, individual, I
6:54
didn't know I had a problem in the way I was running my
6:55
business. I didn't see at that time that I
7:00
really had an issue. And here's the thing, people in
7:03
my life were like, Kate, you work too much.
7:06
Kate, you're constantly on your phone.
7:08
Kate, you're constantly distracted and you're go, go,
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go. You never sit down.
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I had people in my world who were telling me and it was
7:17
literally like it went in one ear and out the other and to me,
7:21
I didn't recognize I had an issue.
7:22
So I was not consciously aware that I had a problem or didn't
7:28
know. There was like I didn't know
7:29
there was an issue and I was not in a place where I was looking
7:31
to change. I was like, I don't got what I
7:34
got going on here. I'm making multiple 7 figures in
7:37
my business. I've got an amazing team.
7:39
I've got amazing marketing like Boop, boop, Boop.
7:41
We're just going along, and I was just leaving things as they
7:44
were, and so I didn't know that anything was wrong.
7:49
So this stage is precontemplation.
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OK, so this is when you do not know that you need to change
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anything. You don't know you have a
7:57
problem. And often times you're at a
8:02
place where, again, unconscious incompetence, you're not even
8:05
aware that you're not doing something well.
8:08
It's not even on your radar. And you might be in a bucket in
8:12
this right now. Is there something maybe that
8:15
the people in your life have said to you, the people in your
8:18
life have kind of brought up or brought to the surface for you
8:20
that you're actively not acknowledging?
8:24
Is there an opportunity for us to tune in to some of the
8:28
reminders around us? And when was the last time that
8:32
you evaluated what was going on in your world?
8:36
And again, rather whether it's the health bucket, if it's the
8:38
relationship bucket, if it's business bucket, when was the
8:41
last time that you really checked in and said how we
8:44
doing, How are we doing in this bucket?
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And is there something that I might need to bring to my
8:50
awareness? And again, we're not in a place
8:53
here where we're saying, hey, you need to go change it and do
8:55
ABC. We're just saying, can we maybe
8:58
become aware of something and this practice is going to help
9:03
to bring us into Stage 2. And Stage 2 is labeled as
9:09
contemplation. Contemplation is also going to
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coincide with conscious incompetence.
9:16
OK, So contemplation is when you're aware or you become aware
9:22
of a problem and you're considering the possibility of
9:27
change, OK. And at this point you might be
9:31
unsure of how to exactly even navigate what it would look like
9:36
to change. So at this stage, you're open to
9:39
the possibility of change, but you really don't have any plan,
9:43
visual or clarity as to what that would even look like yet.
9:46
And this is also known as conscious incompetence.
9:49
OK so conscious incompetence is basically where we become aware
9:55
of our inability or incompetence around something.
9:58
So again the word being conscious incompetence meaning
10:03
we become consciously aware of something that we are
10:05
incompetent at. So again, me, I might in a non
10:12
business setting, I might go skiing and not realize I'm bad.
10:17
And then I might have someone come out to me and they say,
10:18
Hey, you really shouldn't do that because when you do pizza
10:24
down the hill, the entire time, this is what it's doing for you.
10:28
And So what just happened that moment I went from I do pizza
10:31
down the hill and this is how I ski to I have someone come up to
10:35
me and say, Hey, what about this?
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And now instantly, in a moment, I have become consciously
10:43
incompetent. I've become aware, it's been
10:45
brought to my consciousness that I am not good at something or
10:49
that there's something that I might need to solve as a
10:51
problem. This is what puts us in the
10:52
contemplation bucket. So remember I told you that in
10:58
stage one, I was working in the business and I was doing the
11:01
hours that I was and I was kind of having this reality that I
11:04
always had. It's always been the way that
11:06
I've kind of known and experienced business.
11:08
And to me, it wasn't really a big problem.
11:12
Well, nine months ago I went to an event, and you guys may have
11:16
heard me talk with this story in other episodes, so if so, I
11:19
apologize for the repeat. But it really is how I changed a
11:22
lot of my life in the last six months.
11:25
I went to an event, and at this event I remember that I was
11:29
asking 1,000,001 questions, as I always do.
11:32
And at this event, I asked a question and I remember my and
11:38
now coach had come over to me and said, Hey, can you put your
11:42
hand down and stop asking questions?
11:44
I'm going to answer your questions after because you
11:47
know, you just, you seem like you got a lot of questions,
11:49
which hey guys, if I am around a lot of smart people, I'm going
11:52
to ask a lot of questions. That's one thing.
11:53
Side note that I will give you little, little hack when you're
11:57
around people that are really, really successful.
11:59
And so I was like, yeah, sure. He's like, you know, just don't
12:02
ask questions. I'll talk to you afterwards.
12:03
I'll answer any questions you have.
12:04
I'm like, perfect. And so afterwards we talk and I
12:09
said, you know, yeah, I'm just really looking at what the next
12:11
thing is for me for scaling. Things are going really great.
12:15
You know, we're doing multiple 7 figures.
12:17
We got this amazing team. We got this, this, this.
12:20
And so I started to really just outline, you know, current state
12:22
of our business as it was, call it, 6-9 months ago.
12:25
And I remember a very short line that he said to me, which was,
12:31
well, what if you could do it differently?
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And I was like, well, what do you mean?
12:36
So he outlines, you know, what if this and what if that?
12:38
And we're all talking about these different realities of
12:43
what it could be. In business, you could have a
12:44
very small team, you could have very low cost.
12:46
You could do marketing this way. And I'm starting to have this
12:50
awareness of whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
12:52
What I've known as my reality doesn't have to be this hard.
12:58
What I've known as my reality doesn't have to be this many
13:01
hours. What I've known as my reality
13:03
doesn't have to be this expensive.
13:06
I didn't even know that I had a problem.
13:08
So it was only in that moment hearing people talk about the
13:13
other ways that business could look.
13:15
And I know this sounds really simple because you're thinking,
13:17
duh, Kate, there's other ways of doing business.
13:19
But when you're so invested in the way that you've always done
13:23
things, which I was because it had been very successful for me,
13:29
I genuinely had blocked out and put blinders on there being
13:33
another way of doing business. And so once having someone
13:38
provide another perspective on business, which is why I am such
13:43
a big advocate of masterminding and events and all of these
13:46
things, once I had someone share another insight on how business
13:50
could be done, it literally broke my brain because it made
13:53
me realize, whoa, I've got a problem here.
13:57
I didn't have any symptoms of problems that I at the time was
14:00
aware of. But what I realized was I did
14:02
feel pressure around more cost for more money.
14:06
I did feel pressure around the hours I was working.
14:08
I did feel pressure around some of the things that I was doing.
14:11
And here comes this like individual into my life who
14:17
completely surprises me with just this new fresh perspective.
14:21
And in that moment, I became consciously incompetent and I
14:27
moved into contemplation and I started to realize that I became
14:30
aware that I actually maybe wasn't doing business the way
14:34
that I entirely wanted to do business long term.
14:38
And I, in that moment, started to consider maybe there's
14:42
another way of doing things. Maybe I need to open my brain to
14:45
another perspective or another approach and see another way of
14:49
going about scaling my business. And the thing that I think is
14:52
really important to hit on with this stage is the fact that I
14:57
would have stayed in stage one had I not had an outside
15:00
perspective indirectly like beat me over the head with a
15:05
opportunity of a different reality.
15:08
And I think this is important because, you know, when I talk
15:11
about coaching or anyone tells you about coaching, it can be
15:15
really easy. But I got this person's, you
15:16
know, person's selling me something.
15:18
And listen, I'm right there with you.
15:19
I see people are like, you know, you need an outside perspective
15:22
and I, I see that marketing just as much as you do.
15:26
But you know, my perspective on it has really greatly changed
15:30
because I realized that if I hadn't gone to that event and
15:34
had a different, you know, more successful, more advanced coach
15:39
bring a different reality and perspective to what my current
15:41
reality was in my business, I'd be in the same reality that I
15:45
was last year. I would still be doing the same
15:49
things as I've always done because I didn't even know I had
15:52
a problem. And This is why it's important
15:57
for us to have opportunities for an outside set of eyes to look
16:01
at what's always been normal for us.
16:04
Because just like just because something has been normal for
16:07
you for a long time, whether in your business, your relationship
16:12
with your health, it doesn't necessarily actually mean that
16:16
that's how it has to be. It doesn't mean that that's
16:18
necessarily normal. And so this moment changed
16:23
everything because it was like someone turned the lights on and
16:27
I now was just non-stop rumination, like I was just OK.
16:34
Now I see all of the pathways of what my business could look
16:38
like. And it felt like in that moment
16:41
I just got overloaded with possibility, but also overloaded
16:46
with anxiety. And I'm going to be honest, in
16:49
that moment, I broke down into tears.
16:54
And we joke about it now because I remember him being like, hey,
16:57
can I give you a hug? And I'm like, no, don't touch
17:01
me. Because I was like, I'm just,
17:03
I'm having a moment right now. I'm having a moment having a
17:05
meltdown because to be honest, the tears were connected to the
17:09
fact that I was in the stage of being unconscious about what my
17:17
issues were, not aware of what my issues were for a long time,
17:22
a long time. And I had always known that
17:26
reality. And so the tears for me, we're
17:30
actually not connected to anything other than me in that
17:34
moment realizing that I really in certain aspects had suffered
17:39
emotionally, mentally, you know, financially in some of the
17:43
things that I had done because I genuinely didn't know.
17:46
I didn't know and I didn't have the awareness that I could do it
17:51
any other way. So when someone came in as this
17:54
like, like shining Angel of light of a new way of doing
17:59
business, I, I got so sad because I'm like, this is
18:04
exciting. Yes, 2% of me is excited, but
18:07
the other side was so sad for myself that I had stayed in
18:12
something that could have been easier and it could have been
18:15
more flow and it could have been more fun and it could have been,
18:18
you know, different in a really positive way.
18:22
But I just didn't know. And I want to invite you to
18:26
maybe give yourself a permission slip on something because I've
18:32
realized there's been multiple buckets in my life where I was
18:37
unconsciously incompetent. I was unconsciously, again, not
18:42
consciously aware that I had a problem.
18:45
I wasn't ready to look at it, to be honest.
18:49
That's what it was. There was there was situations
18:51
in my business, there were situations in a lot of buckets
18:55
in my life. I wasn't at a place mentally
18:58
where I was ready to look at it. And So what did I do?
19:01
I just didn't acknowledge it. It wasn't something that I was
19:04
going to put into my conscious brain.
19:07
And so where can you give yourself a permission slip on
19:12
something that you haven't maybe been wanting to see, you haven't
19:16
been wanting to acknowledge? Maybe you want to take this as
19:20
an opportunity to say where have there been people like the
19:24
situation for me or maybe people in your surrounding who have
19:27
been giving you advice and have been giving you, you know,
19:30
specific comments and questions. And you might find every time
19:36
they do, you kind of get a little triggered.
19:38
You get a little little bit of a a response inside that happens
19:42
in those moments. And I want you to just take a
19:45
second to say, OK, is there a sliver of that that might be
19:49
true? Is there a sliver of what
19:52
someone's saying to me that might be landing because it
19:56
actually is something I need to change.
19:59
And if something is hitting for you, it doesn't mean because you
20:02
become aware of it, you got to like that.
20:05
You got to change it. That was just the first step.
20:09
It was just first. I know everyone says like
20:11
awareness is the first step of change, but it's true.
20:14
It's true. And in not being true, just
20:18
because you became aware of it doesn't mean you have to do
20:21
something about it right now. And I want to give you that
20:25
reminder because I remember in that moment I said.
20:28
How, first of all, how did I go blind to this possibility for so
20:35
long and how, how am I going to do business a different way when
20:39
I've always done it this way? Like I remember it was like
20:42
literally like I had a out of body experience in that moment.
20:44
It was wild. And I remember just saying, how
20:47
am I going to change? How am I going to change?
20:49
And in that moment, I didn't need a plan.
20:52
I wanted a plan because it felt so overwhelming to consider a
20:54
different reality, but I just need to allow myself to sit
20:58
first in the awareness of the fact.
21:01
OK, great. Well now we have an awareness.
21:03
We have a conscious ability to see that there's something
21:06
that's not working and that's the first step.
21:09
And as annoying that as that may be in personal development, it's
21:12
true. OK, so now we go from a place
21:17
again. Just to quickly summarize stage
21:19
one, we're at pre contemplation. We're not even consciously aware
21:22
we got an issue. We are just living blind, not
21:26
even looking at any of it, not consciously aware of any of it.
21:29
Stage 2, we get into contemplation, which is where we
21:32
become aware, consciously aware that we've got a problem.
21:36
OK, so we're aware that we've got a problem and we're aware
21:39
that we may not be handling something well or may not be
21:42
doing something well, which leads me to Stage 3, which is
21:45
preparation or better known as conscious competence.
21:49
So in preparation, we decide that we're going to make a
21:55
change and we actively work to do so.
21:59
And so we will often take steps to gather information, we'll
22:03
take steps to gather resources, we'll take steps to kind of
22:07
investigate and research what change would be and maybe even
22:11
take a baby step or two toward that change.
22:14
This is where in this time we also become consciously
22:19
competent, meaning that in this time we are also looking to gain
22:24
new knowledge and new skill sets that will help us to create the
22:28
change that we're looking for. This for me, showed up in kind
22:31
of two different ways. So in that moment, as I said, we
22:34
were having this conversation, I realized there's a different way
22:37
of doing business and it broke my brain.
22:39
And that was a late night conversation by the way, that
22:42
happened at like 11:00 at night. Bunch of entrepreneurs sitting
22:44
around a table and talking. And so when I went back to my
22:48
room, I pulled out my laptop and obviously this conversation had
22:54
initially been sparked at this table by George, George Bryant.
22:58
You guys have seen him on the podcast before and you've heard
23:00
my Montana Insights episode has had amazing impact on me and my
23:04
business in the coaching lens and in all lenses, to be honest.
23:08
But the thing that I really took in that moment was that I wanted
23:16
to kind of look at, OK, well, there's obviously the
23:17
possibility of change here, but what would that look like?
23:20
So what did I do? I went and I researched him from
23:25
top to bottom. I went through his YouTube, I
23:27
went through his his LinkedIn, his Facebook, his TikTok, his
23:31
Instagram, his e-mail. Like, I think I probably stalked
23:35
for information gathering purposes to see, OK, like if
23:38
he's saying this is possible and all these other people are
23:42
telling me that there's a totally different way of doing
23:43
business, I want to know. And I want to gather information
23:47
and get educated on what the heck that looks like and how
23:49
we're going to do it. I remember going back to my room
23:51
that night in the hotel, and I pulled out my laptop and I just
23:55
started scouring the Internet. And I did this for hours.
23:58
And I started to go through, you know, if it could look like this
24:01
and could it look like that? And I started to kind of just
24:03
really like, you know, ruminate on what all of this could look
24:08
like. And so after doing that
24:12
research, I remember I woke up the next morning and I had found
24:17
him in the Conference Center because he was speaking at that
24:20
event, as was I, And I said to him, hey, you know, I'm ready
24:26
for the change. And I remember in that moment,
24:32
it felt so scary because I, again, had always done business
24:36
one way. So I didn't know that there was
24:38
another way of doing things, but I was so deeply desiring change,
24:42
but genuinely wasn't super crystal clear of what it would
24:46
look like. And so I had said to him, I want
24:50
to do an intensive. So he does like multi day or
24:53
week long intensives with clients that are in person.
24:56
You go to Montana, you deep dive into your business.
24:58
It's amazing. So if you guys are kind of
25:00
wanting like an immersive experience, highly recommend.
25:02
And so I had said to him, I want to come to Montana and I want to
25:05
do this intensive. And so I kind of in that moment
25:10
had committed, I had to do something with a feeling.
25:13
And in this moment of again, like having an awareness now
25:19
that I, I needed to develop a new skill or knowledge, I
25:23
acknowledged that, you know, I had no idea I needed to change
25:26
that. I had this aha moment, late
25:27
night talking to entrepreneurs that I wanted to change
25:29
something. And then I said, listen, Kate,
25:31
if you're going to change something.
25:33
And I believe this to be true for myself.
25:35
And I tell clients, and I tell you this all the time, if you
25:38
want to change something in any area of your life, you have to
25:41
change your beliefs, you have to change your perspective, you
25:45
have to change the way that you look at things.
25:48
And only once you do that will you see your reality change.
25:52
And so many people go to the tactics and they go to the steps
25:57
and they go to, you know, all the strategies.
26:00
But truthfully, what I knew in that moment after we had that
26:03
conversation about all these businesses and doing it a
26:06
different way, is that I needed to have someone show me the way.
26:12
Like if I was really going to create a change, I have this
26:14
awareness and I got to freaking do something about it because
26:17
otherwise I'm going to end up relapsing back into the old way
26:21
that I used to do business. I don't want to do that.
26:25
So I in that that night, within 24 hours, I'm like, yes, if you
26:28
guys have listened to our buyers episode of buyer behavior,
26:32
Hello, I'm a driver buyer, which basically means that I know that
26:36
when I want something, I'm going to do it and boom, it's
26:38
happening. And so I just decided I saw him
26:42
the next day in the Conference Center.
26:43
He said, Hey, I want to do coaching.
26:45
I don't know what the heck that looks like, but I just I need
26:48
this perspective. I need this new approach.
26:51
And so that's what we did and I decided to commit to the
26:55
intensive and follow that with some coaching.
26:58
And that was my way of, of actively deciding I was going to
27:04
change my knowledge around business in the way that I had
27:06
done things and I was going to change my skill around it.
27:09
And something I want to acknowledge at this stage is
27:13
that this is the seeking of new knowledge and new information,
27:16
right? This is the stage where we look
27:18
at ways we can change by adding a new knowledge and new skills.
27:22
And the thing that I will say is I think too many people look to
27:28
use the same toolbox and the same skills they've got and try
27:33
to build something totally different.
27:35
When the reality is if what you had in your current toolbox and
27:39
if what the skills were that you had right now, we're going to be
27:43
enough, you would have already done it already.
27:47
And So what I realized was, OK, I have a great toolbox.
27:50
I built a multiple 7 figure business.
27:52
It's not like I didn't know how to grow a business.
27:54
I know how to grow a business. But if I was going to grow it a
27:57
different way, I was going to need different tools that I
28:00
frankly, no matter how much I scoured to the bottom of my
28:02
toolbox, I don't have those tools.
28:05
Or if I do have those tools in my toolbox, I'm not the kind of
28:10
Carpenter or contractor that I need to be to know how to use
28:14
those to build what I want. And so there's usually two
28:17
different ways we see the knowledge needing to happen is
28:21
the fact that you might genuinely need tools in your
28:23
toolbox right now that you don't have.
28:26
And you're racking your brain and you're like, I don't know
28:27
why I'm not changing. Well, maybe you don't have what
28:30
you need to create what you want.
28:32
You might need a hammer and you don't have one.
28:34
So there's the aspect of do you need more tools?
28:38
Or is it possible that you have tools?
28:40
You've got a massive toolbox, but you don't have the training
28:46
and the understanding and the skill set to know how to use
28:49
those tools to build what you want.
28:51
And I would hazard to guess most people, at least I feel this way
28:55
for myself, have a little bit of both.
28:57
There was parts of my business that when I went into this
29:02
intensive were dialed in. He's like, hey, this looks
29:04
great. Like these tools are great, but
29:07
here's how I'd maneuver them, IE here's how I would maybe look at
29:11
them from a fresh perspective to get a different outcome, which
29:13
came the skill. And there was new things that I
29:17
had never had experience with before that I added to our our
29:22
toolbox. One of the massive ones that he
29:24
really leans into with clients is building up customer
29:26
journeys. And so when we did that with
29:29
him, that was a tool that I had really not ever played with
29:32
before. And so then I had to not only
29:35
understand that tool, but also build the skill of how to use
29:38
it. So when we're looking to create
29:41
change, we have to recognize that we might need new knowledge
29:46
and we might need to develop a new skill.
29:48
And often times there's a possibility, of course, that you
29:51
can do that on your own. But for me, I am very much going
29:55
to be honest with you. I think a lot of my success has
29:57
been attributed to my ability to get shortcuts.
30:01
And what I mean by shortcuts is learning from people who've
30:03
already done it. Why am I going to struggle to
30:06
learn how to run a 10K when I could literally learn from
30:09
someone who's run 10 KS for the last six years, right?
30:13
So I really try to look to invest in getting knowledge and
30:17
getting skill sets as fast as I can.
30:19
If I feel like at any moment I have an awareness that I don't
30:22
have them. And so I'm at this event, I
30:25
decide, as I said, that I, I'm ready to change and I want to
30:29
gather resources, gather skill sets to be able to change and
30:33
see a different type of business.
30:35
And so this moves us into the next stage, which is the action
30:38
stage, better known as where you're conscious competent.
30:42
So again, you're consciously aware that you're starting to
30:46
build knowledge and skill around something and you want to get
30:50
that to a place where you become unconscious competence.
30:54
OK, so you go from consciously competent to unconsciously
30:57
competent. I'm going to break this down and
30:59
explain this. When I went from doing it on my
31:04
own to then hiring him, getting his understanding of his
31:09
knowledge, his skill sets and starting to apply those, what
31:12
ultimately happened is that I started to decide to take action
31:15
in changing my behavior, right? So I was now putting in the
31:17
reps, putting in the actions of all the things that he had
31:19
taught me, and I was applying those to my business.
31:23
And so the thing that we want to be aware of is that the more and
31:29
more that we take action to the changes that we want to have,
31:32
the more automatic that that becomes in us.
31:35
So have you ever gone to do something and you feel like,
31:40
again, let's go, maybe go back to our skiing example.
31:43
Maybe you go to ski the first time and you're terrible and you
31:48
don't know you're bad, but you're like, OK, I think I'm
31:49
doing pretty good. And then someone says to you
31:51
don't pizza so much and you're like, OK, so I'm not going to
31:54
pizza down the hill as much with my skis.
31:56
So now again, we go into being aware that we're not good.
31:59
OK, well great. Then we're going to seek out
32:00
training, might seek out lessons to develop and get a skill set
32:06
to become better at skiing. But if you are somebody who skis
32:11
again and again and again and again with that knowledge and
32:15
you build a skill at a certain level, you don't need to be so
32:21
consciously focused on being good at it because it becomes
32:24
natural because of the reps that you put in.
32:28
And so this is what happened. I did my intensive and I
32:31
gathered all the knowledge and the skills and understanding of
32:33
what they were. And then in coaching, in ongoing
32:36
reps and putting it all into action is where I started to
32:40
develop into some of those things becoming unconsciously
32:45
competent, meaning I didn't have to consciously think about being
32:48
good at things anymore because they were starting to become
32:51
second nature. So it was only though that that
32:55
happens through consistent action of doing things and
32:58
putting in the reps over time. And you know, there's so many
33:01
countless examples of this, right?
33:03
Like any of the top athletes that you would ever consume are
33:07
people who are not just shooting, you know, a basketball
33:11
into the net on game day, but they're also someone who's
33:13
potentially shooting baskets and just doing it over and over and
33:17
over 500 times, you know, in a week.
33:21
Because they're putting in the reps to basically get themselves
33:24
to a level of mastery where they don't need to be so consciously
33:28
focused on being good at it anymore because it becomes
33:31
second nature. And This is why I explain, you
33:35
know, unconsciously competent is really something that's
33:38
important for you to understand as a concept.
33:40
Because a lot of the times in business, we have this belief
33:46
that we do something like one time or even 10 times and after
33:50
doing it 10 times, like, OK, like this just feels really
33:52
hard. When something feels hard, it
33:55
often, not always, but often times as a by part of the fact
33:59
that we need to put in more reps.
34:01
And so it's only once we put in those more reps that we start to
34:05
be able to get our conscious skill that we're working at.
34:08
And we're like, OK, maybe it's like say again, you're skiing.
34:11
It's a certain level of pressure that you're thinking about and
34:13
it's a certain level of your angles of your skis you're
34:15
thinking about. And eventually you don't think
34:17
about any of those things. And in business, the same is
34:20
true. You will put in so many reps
34:24
eventually with your marketing. You'll put in so many reps
34:26
eventually with sales. You'll put in so many reps
34:29
eventually with being a leader of a team that eventually that
34:31
will literally become second nature and it will start to
34:35
become ingrained in just who you are and how you operate.
34:38
So the thing I want to add though, to this, which is an
34:41
important kind of caveat to these, these repetitions of
34:44
action, is that when you put in those reps, it's important to
34:49
remember that the reps you're putting in, which is why that
34:51
knowledge and skill are important, have to be the right
34:54
reps. Because this is also something I
34:56
see business owners will be like, Kate, I've been doing XY
35:00
and Z. Like I put in the reps I'm
35:02
showing up, I'm posting, I'm selling, I'm doing whatever it
35:06
is. But because the thing that
35:08
you're doing is actually not being done well because we lack
35:11
the knowledge and the skills, you're putting in reps of
35:14
something that isn't actually necessarily going to get you an
35:16
outcome. So even though yes, you're
35:18
putting in the work, you have to also ensure that the work that
35:21
you're putting in is something that's rooted from intention
35:24
around knowledge and developing a skill.
35:26
That's right. So action is, and getting really
35:32
to a place of mastery in anything is about understanding
35:36
that we need to take consistent action and put in those reps and
35:38
that it's those reps over time that help us to achieve mastery
35:42
in anything. It's once you get to a level
35:46
where you're doing something and you're so good at it and you
35:49
don't even have to think about it, that's how you know you've
35:51
reached a level of being unconsciously competent.
35:54
You're not having to actively think about being good at
35:56
something. OK.
35:59
Now from this we go into what is called maintenance, which is
36:03
really where again we're still in the stage of unconscious
36:06
competence, but we've moved into maintenance, which is really
36:09
where we are looking to maintain our new behaviors and frankly
36:13
avoid relapse. And the thing I will say with
36:18
maintenance is that I for the last six months have had to
36:26
really focus on the things that I learned.
36:29
So for example, one of the big takeaways from my intensive,
36:33
there was so many. And if you want to listen to all
36:35
the Nuggets of that intensive, as I'm telling this, this story
36:38
of how that intensive came to be, if you want to listen to
36:40
that and all those Nuggets, we have a Montana Insights Part 1
36:44
and Part 2 episode because there was so many that if you scroll
36:47
back, you can also find. But in that one of those was
36:52
really understanding, emotional regulation and understanding in
36:55
a moment where I'm having stress about the business or if I'm
36:57
having stress about a decision how to emotionally regulate.
37:01
So I have to be really conscious to maintain practices of how I
37:07
regulate emotion so I don't fall back into patterns of being too
37:10
reactive, right? I have to always make sure that
37:13
I'm doing my practices of I have to earn the right to touch my
37:17
business. Everyday is another one.
37:19
Meaning I don't get to touch my business and go into Slack and
37:22
emails and any of that until I've done my walk for the day,
37:26
done my morning routine for the day.
37:28
Like I have these bumper lanes built in to help me to maintain
37:33
the knowledge and the skills that I have developed.
37:36
And maintenance is important because many times when we don't
37:41
actively build out those bumper lanes for change, you will start
37:46
to fall back into old patterns, right?
37:48
And what do we know? We know that in times of stress
37:51
and in times of difficulty and in times of resistance, the
37:55
number one thing that you're going to fall back on is your
37:57
habits, which is why these are so important.
38:02
Because if you don't set those bumper lanes, you have a lot of
38:06
ability to just fall back into old ways.
38:09
So you in this phase of, you know, not really needing to
38:14
think about being good at it, are still though going to need
38:19
to have a way in which you face challenges because in
38:24
maintenance, just because you're somebody who you know, has
38:28
learned a lot about a, you know, certain skill or if you've
38:32
learned a lot about something doesn't mean that because you've
38:36
crushed it many times over, you're not going to experience a
38:38
challenge in it. I feel so insanely confident in
38:43
my business and my team and the amazing women that make
38:47
everything happen and what we're doing and what we're building.
38:51
I feel so confident in that. But it doesn't mean that I don't
38:54
have times or seasons that test me.
38:57
Of course they do. And so the thing that's
38:59
important is we have to start to create what we've learned and
39:03
the knowledge and the skills into an identity because what it
39:07
means is that we will fall back onto those in the times of
39:11
resistance, and resistance is going to happen and challenges
39:14
are going to happen. And so the same thing is true
39:17
when it comes to, let's just say another example of say, weight
39:21
loss or fitness. You're going to be tested and
39:24
you're going to have trying times when you're, you know, if
39:28
somebody who's lost a lot of weight and now you're at a place
39:31
where you feel like, OK, like I'm in routine.
39:33
It doesn't mean you're not going to go to a event or you're not
39:37
going to go over the holidays and find that you maybe
39:40
sometimes fall off, right? Like these things happen.
39:43
And because they happen. The other thing that we want to
39:46
recognize is there's a last stage here, which is relapse.
39:50
And the last stage of relapse is really super common, right?
39:55
And change like many of us have things that we've done or that
39:59
we've experienced and we've gone back to really starting at the
40:03
beginning again, right? And this really ultimately
40:07
brings us back to the lower levels of the competence.
40:11
When we relapse, we go back to the fact that we didn't even
40:15
know, often times that we were falling back into those
40:17
patterns. Or you might fall into the
40:21
bucket of when you relapse on something, or you relapse on a
40:25
way you used to do business, you relapse on a way that you used
40:27
to eat, or you relapse on a way that you used to live your life.
40:30
Whatever bucket it falls into, maybe you relapse and you go
40:33
back to a a partner or a relationship that's not good for
40:36
you. Whatever it is, when we do that,
40:40
there's one or two things that happens.
40:42
We don't even kind of realize. We've faded back into old
40:45
patterns, which means again, we're unconsciously incompetent.
40:48
We don't even realize. We're not even aware that we've
40:51
done it. But often we also see people in
40:54
relapse of anything in the stage of the change where when you
40:58
relapse, you fall actually into the bucket where you become
41:02
consciously incompetent, meaning you go back to a place where
41:06
you're actually aware that it's not good.
41:10
And I'm not going to say this as though I've never done this.
41:14
I remember, you know, there's different buckets of my life
41:17
where, you know, I've had to be honest with you.
41:21
I've had moments where there were relationships that I was in
41:26
that maybe the people in my circle didn't think we're very
41:28
supportive for me. And I went back to those.
41:34
And when I kind of went back to those relationships, it meant
41:39
that I, for myself was back into the consciously incompetent
41:43
bucket. Meaning when I went back the
41:47
first time, when I was in it, I wasn't consciously aware that it
41:50
maybe wasn't good. But going back, meaning you've
41:53
made the change and then you've gone back to something.
41:57
I had an awareness, like I knew I had an awareness that this
42:01
wasn't something that was serving me.
42:03
I had an awareness of the problem and I still went back to
42:06
the situation, but I had an awareness that I had a problem.
42:10
So I kind of had to go back to the cycles yet again.
42:15
And I want to normalize the relapse stage because, you know,
42:19
change, change is so, so hard. It's so hard.
42:26
It's so hard because when you're trying to change who you are or
42:31
you're trying to change the way you've always done things or
42:33
you're trying to change your business, you got to give
42:35
yourself some grace. You got to give yourself some
42:38
grace in, you know, it's not going to be like step one, Step
42:42
2, Step 3, boop, boop, boop. We're done.
42:44
Like, that's just, would we love it all to be that way?
42:46
Yeah, for sure. Have I tried to, you know, lose
42:51
the same 20 lbs like five times? Yup.
42:55
Right. Like I've relapsed.
42:56
I've had times where I was like really good on working out and
42:59
super healthy and then I let my health go and I'm again, even
43:02
this journey now trying to get back on the health train.
43:05
Have I, you know, gone through and, and maybe had relationships
43:08
or friendships that weren't really serving me and I maybe
43:12
took space from that person or I got distance from them and then
43:15
I end up going back and, you know, going into that
43:17
relationship. Yeah, Yeah.
43:21
Have I had practices in business where I was like, OK, like I'm
43:24
not going to work past this time and I'm not going to work on the
43:26
weekends. I'm not going to do this and
43:28
then I go back to that. Yeah, yeah.
43:32
And I think it's important that we recognize relapse just as
43:35
much as any other stage because the thing that we know is that
43:38
this is not something that it's like a linear process.
43:41
You might go through these a couple times before you really
43:43
make long term sustainable change, right.
43:47
So with the stages of change, it's not something that is A1
43:51
and done. So it's important for us to
43:55
acknowledge that because again, when we get into these places of
43:59
we want to change something in our life and we decide that
44:03
we're ready to to see our life look different, to see our
44:05
business look different. It's important for us to
44:08
acknowledge that. This might be something you do a
44:12
couple times over. And yes, of course, are there
44:17
ways and there's tools and things around that.
44:19
But as I said, I think in my opinion, stage has so much to do
44:23
with the perspective that you're in, the level of readiness that
44:27
you have. Because for me, I think the
44:30
things that I've always done to create change have often not
44:35
stuck because of my perspective and my readiness when I was
44:39
going into them. Like truthfully, every time I
44:43
talk about this, the tears come. Truthfully, I think there were
44:50
areas in my life that I had an awareness that I needed to
44:55
change and I just wasn't ready. Like I wasn't ready to put in
45:01
the work and I wasn't maybe ready to have the hard
45:04
conversation and I wasn't ready to have the the different
45:09
reality that I knew was going to come after doing and making
45:12
those changes. Right.
45:14
And I, I want to also use it as an invitation for you to ask
45:17
yourself where that might be happening.
45:18
Where are things that you have an awareness of that you are
45:22
deciding to not look at right now?
45:24
And maybe is there something in your life right now that you
45:28
know you need to change that you're not?
45:31
And ask yourself, why are you not?
45:34
Why are why are you not making that change?
45:36
Why are you not taking a step to get new knowledge?
45:38
Why are you not deciding to, you know, put in a new type of habit
45:42
or ongoing lifestyle change? And is it because you fear what
45:49
the outcome could be? Is it because you fear it might
45:51
work out amazing? Is it because you fear that it
45:55
might work out horribly? And you catastrophize as of I,
45:59
of all the things that could happen, I remember vividly, you
46:03
know, contemplating, you know, the ending of my last
46:07
relationship. And I remember saying, you know,
46:09
what if I, what if I end up single and alone forever?
46:12
Like, what if no one wants me? What if I'm like damaged goods
46:15
because I'm just, you know, had what I felt was a massive
46:20
failure and it kept me from wanting to make that change.
46:25
It kept me from wanting to make decisions.
46:29
And even with my health, my health, the reason I, I really
46:33
attribute the constant cycle of coming back to the same thing
46:36
over and over. And it does feel different this
46:38
time for me because I've been really putting a very different
46:42
type of energy around it. And I realized that honestly, I
46:46
wasn't ready to do the work and my perspective around the work
46:49
was different. Before I used to see changing my
46:52
health as like I hate my body, I have to change it.
46:55
And now I see I love my body so much and I, I, I'm excited for
47:03
who I get to create myself to be.
47:05
I'm excited for stepping into being more fit and being more
47:08
strong and, and I'm excited to be an amazing role model for
47:12
kids one day of what it means to be able to take care of your
47:15
health. Like I'm approaching it from
47:17
such a different way. And because of that, it's
47:19
changing the way that I'm experiencing wanting to make the
47:22
change. And so I wanted to cover the
47:26
stages of change as well as the levels of competence today
47:30
because I want to normalize what change looks like #1 I want to
47:36
normalize the different stages all of us go through, sometimes
47:38
multiple times over. And I also want to give you
47:44
today as an opportunity to realize that the change that you
47:48
want to see in your life is within your power.
47:52
You can decide listening today enough, enough is enough.
47:57
You can be me that day at the conference and have this aha
48:01
moment. Whether it's this podcast that's
48:03
creating that for you, If it's somebody else's message or
48:06
conversation you had recently, If it's that talk you had with
48:10
your mom or your friend or your dad that recently kind of hit
48:14
for you and you've been sitting with something like let there be
48:18
a moment where you decide, you know what enough is enough.
48:21
Like this is the time that I'm going to change the thing that
48:25
I've said that I've always wanted to do or that I've always
48:28
talked about doing or use this as an opportunity to really look
48:32
at things that you've been actively not really wanting to
48:35
see. And that's what it was for me.
48:40
There was a lot of things that I didn't really feel ready to see.
48:44
I didn't feel ready to acknowledge.
48:45
I didn't feel ready to change. And I had that light bulb moment
48:50
and it was immediately, I am not even lying to you.
48:54
Less than 24 hours later, I was like, how do I get this
48:57
knowledge and skills? Like I need this knowledge and
49:00
skills because when I get that information, that gives me the
49:04
key to change. And so ask yourself right now,
49:07
what is a change you want to make in your life?
49:10
What is a change maybe you want to make in your business?
49:12
What's that one thing that you're like, this is the thing
49:15
that I want to change? And then ask yourself, what are
49:22
you going to do about it? What are you going to do about
49:26
it? And like, can we just make 2025
49:29
please, the year that we don't do this again, We're not the the
49:34
girl who's going to have this goal next year because we
49:38
crushed it in 2025. I'm not gonna say, oh, I'm gonna
49:40
get healthy again. I'm not gonna say, oh, I'm gonna
49:43
scale my business again. I'm not gonna say, oh, I deserve
49:46
a better relationship for XYZ reason again.
49:48
Like, let us decide in this moment as you listen to this,
49:52
that this is the year in 2025 that you are going to make that
49:55
change. And the thing that you and I
49:56
both know you already have the awareness of, as I've talked
50:01
through things today, the reason I've asked questions along the
50:03
way is I really want you to ask yourself what came up for you
50:06
today? What's the change that you're
50:09
not acknowledging that you really kind of want maybe the
50:11
things that are not working that you really haven't been wanting
50:14
to see, but you kind of know where there.
50:17
And with that, can we use this as an invitation to decide that
50:20
we're going to do things differently this year?
50:23
And I invite you on that because I am too on that same journey in
50:27
multiple areas of my life. And I don't say this from my
50:30
high horse. I'm in that mud with you, girl.
50:33
I am in that mud with you. But what I can tell you is, God,
50:37
I feel so liberating to just know that we're doing it
50:40
differently. Like it's so it's so liberating
50:50
to choose yourself and to choose that you're going to do things
50:54
differently. It's so liberating to know this
50:58
is the last time. This is the last time.
51:00
This could be the last time that you change this.
51:02
This could be the last time you ever have as a goal because
51:06
you'll do it and it will be something else and you'll
51:08
develop and you'll go into this next dream, this next vision
51:11
that you have. And you know, as we conclude
51:15
today, I want to say I'm excited for you.
51:19
I'm excited for all you're going to change.
51:20
I'm excited to see what that goal is.
51:23
I just, I'm excited to see what the light bulb was for you
51:25
today. And so as I said, I am in that
51:28
mud with you and I don't know what your goal is, but you guys
51:33
know that I have been doing all of my goals publicly on social
51:36
media for the year of 2025. And we have a Becoming series,
51:40
which basically is where I am stepping into who I want to
51:43
become in 2025. And so I want to invite you to
51:46
join me, join me in this achieving of the things that
51:50
we're going for. And so if you are listening to
51:53
this and you're committed to change, shoot me a message.
51:56
I would love to hear from you. What are you working on?
51:58
What was your aha moment? What was the thing that maybe
52:00
you were kind of not wanting to see, but you fully know that you
52:04
you can't Unsee now? And I would love to just hear
52:08
any downloads that you have any kind of aha moments that came
52:10
through for you today. I love genuinely it fills my
52:14
bucket to hear from you and talk to you guys every week about the
52:19
things that land for you. Because it really just I will
52:22
say when I record these podcasts, I feel so like just me
52:25
talking into a tunnel, like it's just me and my basement over
52:29
here recording this. And so it means the world to me
52:31
to be able to hear from you and hear all the downloads that
52:34
happened for you. So all of that to say more than
52:38
anything, I love you to pieces. Thank you so, so much for
52:40
listening and I really appreciate you spending this
52:42
last hour with me and I'm excited for you and for 2025.
52:45
And so if you want to join me on our goal together, you can join
52:49
our Becoming group, which is entirely free.
52:51
It is women empowering other women as they pursue their goals
52:54
of relationships, health, mental health, business, every single
52:58
bucket. And if you also just want to
53:00
reach out and just chat with me one-on-one, I'd absolutely love
53:02
to hear from you. So all of that to say, friends,
53:04
I cannot wait to see you in next week's episode.
53:07
And, as always, stay ambitious.