Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep74: Evelyn pees the car; Nick encounters a nightmare public washroom.

Transcript

Ep74: Evelyn pees the car; Nick encounters a nightmare public washroom. · Reverse Jackass

0:00
SPEAKER_00: It's reverse I'm locked and loaded today.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: Can I lead us in?
0:10
SPEAKER_01: I would love for you to.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back, everyone.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: One and all, near and far, far and wide, big and small.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: That's about it.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: That covers it.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the reverse jack at the backup.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Unjacked.
0:23
SPEAKER_01: Jacked.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: Folks who are just getting back to the gym.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, atrophy just good.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Folks who are just getting back to the gym and renewing their commitment to self-care.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: Febral people, people with normal temperatures.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: Hyper, hyper mobile people.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Inert people.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: You are all welcome.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: This is a safe space for all of you.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: Welcome, bienvenue to the Reverse Jackass podcast.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: I am one of two of your hosts, and you've probably heard another voice speak on this podcast so far.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: We'll get to him in just a second.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: But I am Evelyn the Canadian Blade here with you.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, we're we're getting high up in these episodes here.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: And that means that that means nothing.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: It just means that that we've been hanging out for a while.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: So we're glad you're here.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna cut most of this out because this is rambling garbage.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: So anyway, my co-host is.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: This is what people love.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: This is people live for this shit.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: I my mouth is just opening and it's like I'm letting autofill.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm letting autofill on my phone.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: Phil out who's autofill?
1:22
SPEAKER_00: He sounds German.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: He's autofill.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, Nick, my co-host, my friend.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: How are you doing?
1:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm doing great.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad to be here.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: But you and I jabbered, so now we have an extraordinary are we recording, by the way?
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we have an extraordinarily limited period of time in order to make this episode.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go focus there.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna go, you're gonna be carrying the the computer, carrying your laptop right out into the bathroom between sessions.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: If you need to, we can wrap this call up uh when you're in the stall.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Don't worry, I'll alter the acoustics to give you some privacy.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: It is an Evelyn day today.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: Do you have any feelings about that?
1:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm stoked that it's an Evelyn day today.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Great.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna share a story I've never shared on here before, but I have shared with you.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: So uh you've heard me tell the story.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: In fact, I told you this story the very first day uh we met in person, and I regretted it at first, thinking it was a massive overshare.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: But uh, as I've gotten to know you, I've realized that I've could I could have hit way harder and you still would have been okay with it.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: So I want to tell you the story today um about how I peed my car.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: All right, gather round, folks.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: Buckle up.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: And I did make sure I've not told the story yet, but I think we're we're high enough up in these episodes that um we're ready for this.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: We're ready for this level of vulnerability.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: So it was uh it was the day after my 35th birthday.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: And I was out for dinner with some friends.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: It was a long day.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: It was a weekday.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: I was still teaching at this point.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: I would have had a choir rehearsal that morning.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: And teachers are notorious for not going to the bathroom during the day.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: It's something that we we don't have a ton of time to do when you have six minutes or seven minutes between classes.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: When you're wrapping up class with one, you know, and a kid's days to talk at the end, and then you have kids coming in.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: When are you going to the bathroom?
3:22
SPEAKER_01: Right, is the question.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: And you might you might say, well, you go before school and you go at lunch.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: Well, you don't go at lunch if you have a rehearsal, then as well.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: To me, uh, an orchestra is nothing but a a uh like a gathering of instruments that have urine reservoirs in them.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
3:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like name it name an instrument in the orchestra.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: Tuba.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: I could piss on that.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you could you could and the rest of the class could.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: That thing's huge.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: I mean that I mean that's weird because those are kids.
3:51
SPEAKER_00: Um but yeah, assuming in a closed door situation, everybody could take turns.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like like maybe we're all trapped in there after some kind of nuclear incident, and we have to start figuring out how to live our lives inside the high school because we can't leave from the radiation, and then we're like, you know, we filled up the bathrooms, what do we do?
4:04
SPEAKER_00: And then we're like, well, let's everybody go to the band room.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: None of that stuff is worth anything anyway.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: And then we'll and then we'll just use the tubas.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: And we'll just number twos and the tubas.
4:13
SPEAKER_01: Putting the two in tuba is what we're doing.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: That's what we're doing.
4:16
SPEAKER_01: And then I would write a kitschy little jingle over it.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: Don't blow into that.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's basically that's that's the that's what the song needs to be, and no, and nothing more.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, if you have supervision during the day at lunch and then you have something going on after school, you're really not peeing until after school.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: And that's that's the human bladder.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: I don't know how big it is, but it is not big enough to withstand an entire day of not going to the bathroom.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: So on this particular day, I was feeling pretty self-confident.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: And uh the English teachers at your school would tell you that's called hubris.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: But they're not listening to this now, are they?
4:58
SPEAKER_01: Or they're not here with us now, are they?
5:00
SPEAKER_01: And they're probably not listening.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: So I I was it was it was a day full of rehearsal and supervision and meetings and the kind of clenching that feels like it could destroy your pelvic floor forever.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: The kind of clenching that makes a kegel look like a little butterfly kiss.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: All right.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: This is yeah, this is next level.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: We were talking at the beginning of this podcast about being jacked.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: We were not referring to your biceps and your delts.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: All right.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: We were not.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: So this particular day I had a dinner booked with some friends for my birthday.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: And so I was doing something after school.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: I did have to use the washroom and I chose not to.
5:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm willing to say I chose not to.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: So I got into my car, I went to, I drove to the restaurant and had a nice meal with my friends.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: We had a really good time.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: It was time to drive home.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: And it was about 10 o'clock at night at this time, and my bladder had been full since probably, I don't know.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I had used the washroom since eight o'clock that morning or 7 30 that morning.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: So I'm driving home.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: It is dark, and this particular evening it is rainy.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: And I at this point, I'm like hurting.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: I have to pee so bad.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, this is I need to get home.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of, you know, should I have gone to the you know, at the restaurant?
6:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 100%.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 100% I should have gone.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: At that, yeah, exactly.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: There were, you know, I there were six times throughout the day I probably should have gone, but I didn't.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: So I'm driving down the road.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: It is dark, it's that kind of rain where it's kind of misty, everything's a little blurry, but obviously I know the way home because this is I live here.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: So I'm driving down the road, right?
6:40
SPEAKER_01: There's no surprises, except there was.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: And I'm at a traffic light, and I'm the first one to turn left.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: There was no advanced green here.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: So I'm in the intersection, I've done the S curve, I'm waiting at my spot, and it's all clear with traffic, and I go ahead, except at the last minute, there's a pedestrian crossing in front of me.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: And this pedestrian, this pedestrian was wearing all black, and I didn't see them.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: And at the very last minute, I slammed on the brake and stopped.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: And it was in that moment when I slammed on the brake, my bladder decided it was go time.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: So the car said stop, but your bladder said go, go, go.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: My bladder said, can't stop, won't stop.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: So I not only, it wasn't just one of those little oops.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: I had I peeed a little.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: I started peeing in the middle of that turn, and I didn't finish peeing for four blocks yesterday until today, when I I'm proud to announce it.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm finally ready to get it get rid of this basin.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Ten years later, I am ready to close the tap.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: So I peed and felt the sensation of peeing because I couldn't stop.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: And really at this point, what's the point of stopping?
7:59
SPEAKER_01: I have soaked through my pants, I have soaked into the chair.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: There's no point in me stopping what I'm doing.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: And I and I really don't think I could.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: So I want you to picture with me for a second here, everyone, sitting and just driving while you're peeing.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: You can't stop.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: It's continuous.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: You're going, there's blocks, you're just driving while you're soiling yourself.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: It sounds bad and good.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Well, let me tell you, when it's a hot June humid heat wave night, it is not good.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: It is not good.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: So I so I get in the I get in our driveway, my jeans are soaked through, the driver's seat is soaked through.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: I go upstairs, my dear husband is in bed reading.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: And he says to me, How was your birthday dinner?
8:51
SPEAKER_01: And I said, I pissed the car.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: That's all I said.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: So I took my jeans off, I went and had a shower, and I come out, and Jason is cleaning out my car.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh 10:30 at night.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: He's out in there, and he, first of all, that's love.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: That's love right there.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: That's nice, yeah.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: I didn't ask him.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: I didn't ask him to do it.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: That man loves urine.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: He and me.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and also you.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: And me.
9:19
SPEAKER_01: We don't know the order.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: We don't know where the high where the hierarchy is, but it is.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm happy to be tied for first.
9:25
SPEAKER_01: And so he comes back in and he was incredulous and says to me, You filled the mat beneath the seat.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: So the the plastic winter mat that has a lip on it, right?
9:40
SPEAKER_00: He said So it's he's measuring.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's a measurable.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: It's a yes, it was sizable.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't realize I had filled it.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: I definitely knew I had filled my jeans and manned my seat, but I didn't realize it had gone through and filled the entire mat.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: So what followed was a three-day heat wave where we couldn't just leave the car, you know, the windows open.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: Like it's muggy.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: It's not like a nice heat where you can just clean the car as Jason did.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: What a lovely human being.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Someone at the pet store must have thought 17 huskies destroyed our living room for the amount of the amount of spray we bought.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: But it did the trick.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: It did the trick.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: And my car to this day is traded in, and some other sucker is now driving it around the city.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: So my question for you, Nick, is what is the most uh painful, awkward thing you were forced to endure for a set period of time and you could not get out of?
10:45
SPEAKER_01: What was the situation in your life where while you were peeing, you had to drive five blocks home?
10:51
SPEAKER_00: Is it a urinary story or are you looking for any any sustained thing that I had to endure?
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Any sustained painful thing that you had to endure.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh boy.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: P is welcome.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: This is a self, this is a safe place.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: I just feel like my life has dipped so far beneath that at points that I feel like a P story would be a cop out.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: The most painful thing that I've had to endure for a long time.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's gonna be something incredible.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Will I think of it before we're out of time?
11:24
SPEAKER_01: I know.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: I didn't leave us enough time.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: We were both yabbering away.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: Yabbering away.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: And it was important, it felt important at the time.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Well, it was.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: It didn't just feel important, it was.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: It was a load-bearing conversation.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh that allowed us to get to this point.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: While Nick is thinking, I just want to remind everyone that if you have a story about a prolonged period of urination or any other moment of embarrassment in your life that you'd like to share with us and or have us read live on the air, you can email us at reversejackass at gmail.com and Nick looks like he just had a light bulb go off.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: Did I share the story with you about the bathrooms on the way home from Vegas with Amber?
12:02
SPEAKER_00: Did I share that on this podcast?
12:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: This doesn't sound familiar.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay, at the risk of doubling up.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so one time, this is 10 years ago, Amber and I are driving home from Vegas.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: And the drive home from Vegas to Pasadena is like about four and a half hours long.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: It's like, it's like probably five if you take it leisurely, or if you, you know, add a stop here or there for food or for, you know, soda or gas or whatever.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: But like you can make it in four if you go really hard.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: But you know, I I like to spend the time with her and we take her time and it's fine.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: So the drive there is always exciting, and it's in, you know, it's usually like we've just gotten off of work, we're excited, we're happy to see each other, and it's a fast, fun drive, you know, and then the drive back is always still fun, but it's like you're tired, you've just been on vacation, you're going back to regular life.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: It's not as like exciting, right?
12:47
SPEAKER_00: And so, and you know, you're you know, you've usually been up and tired.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so one day we're driving home from Vegas and I start to need to pee.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, I I can hold it, like you, like you, the, like you, the teacher.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: And I drive past the usual spaces.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: And in retrospect, there's a reason why these are the usual spaces, right?
13:04
SPEAKER_00: Like there are probably five different places on the way to Vegas or back where I know I can stop and have a nice clean pee and feel good and get soda if I needed or gas or whatever.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: And like those are my places, right?
13:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm past the age where it's a good idea for me to try new spots.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
13:21
SPEAKER_00: And never was that more apparent than when we I got to a place where, like, okay, I'll just pull over at the next one that's available.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly we hit one of those interminable stretches of desert where there's nothing.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, there's nothing.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I guess I could pull over on the side of the road, but there could be police, there could be rattlesnakes, there could be all kinds of stuff.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
13:42
SPEAKER_00: You could get hit by a car driving.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not like in Virginia where I grew up or how I imagined Canada to be, where like there are parts that are so wooded that you could, as a guy, you could just kind of take care of it.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
13:52
SPEAKER_00: Like for a dead wide open space, it's still not a great place to get out in peace.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: So finally I'm like, okay, the next place.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: And I really start to build up and I'm starting to suffer.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: And my my stomach is distended, and like I have to loosen my belt because my bladder is pressing out so much, and you know, even the seat belt is snug, and we're riding along, and then finally I see like the next exit, and we pull off into this desolate-looking gas station.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: It's like the only thing at this exit is this one gas station, and something that I have learned is never a good sign.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: The restrooms are not in the gas station, they are outside the gas station, like inside doors that you enter, and it's nighttime.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Another not a good sign is that there's no line for the women's room, and there is a tremendous line for the men's room.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: So there's like I'm like the maybe the fifth guy in line, right?
14:43
SPEAKER_00: And that's that doesn't mean a certain thing, but it means something, right?
14:47
SPEAKER_00: Yes, right.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: And so Amber, as I recall, pops off and uses the restroom, and it's fine, and then she's waiting.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: And the the door opens to the men's room, and a guy comes out and he looks like he's seen a ghost.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: Like he looks traumatized, he looks frantic, maybe even.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: And he like comes out and he's like shaking his head and looking at the ground, and he walks away.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: And then the next guy walks in and goes, Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, and leaves.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: The third guy goes in, and it's starting to feel like the line for execution.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: The third guy goes in, and I'm like fucking going back and forth from foot to foot.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm debating peeing on the people around me.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, it's an option.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: And the guy goes in, and as he opens the door, he goes, Oh my god.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: And the door closes.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: He chose to stay for whatever it is.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: He just goes, Oh my god.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: And he stayed in there, and he stayed in there.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, I don't know what's in there, but I think I can't handle it.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know what it is it could have been a human head, for all I know.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's it's tough to say.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if something died in there.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it was a restroom incident, I don't know if it was mold or a ghost or I think a moldy ghost would have been a treat at this time.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: Whatever it was, it was bad.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: And even more haunting than the guy that yelled were like the looks on the guys that came out of the bathroom.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: And I just said to Amber, I think I can't do this.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: And we got back in the car and I drove another 20 minutes and found the bathroom and it was clean.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: And then it was one of those things where, like, I don't know if this happens to women where like you have to go so bad that you can't go.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: And so you're just standing in the urinal with all this terrible pain for like another four minutes before finally whatever is stopping you stops stopping you, and then you can go again.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: So that's one.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: I'll give you a short bonus story, which is one time I was driving home from my parents in Ventura, and you know me, I like to drink the soda, and I'd had about eight gallons of soda on the way home before I hit a terrible, terrible traffic jam.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, right where the 134 meets the 210.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: And I was stuck for like, I don't know, 45 minutes, an hour, extra hour in this traffic jam, sitting still on the fucking freeway in pain.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: And I had to pee so bad, Evelyn.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: And I was, and I was in, you know, in park traffic, you know, blasting my shoulders, moving my feet up and down, like I'm foot pedaling a drum kit, like just really like losing it, rocking back and forth, like rain man, just in abject pain, right?
17:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: And then finally the traffic jam breaks, and I'm still 20 minutes away from home and I'm just blasting down the highway like it's my last day on earth.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Like I have, I'm like I'm delivering the antidote to the to, you know, some president we liked better than this one.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm just barreling down the road and I finally get to Pasadena.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: And of course, the last four blocks in Pasadena is down Lake Avenue, where like there's traffic and lights and stuff, and I'm just I'm like breathing, like yelling out loud, yelling, like yelling at the air of how painful I am.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: And I finally, you know, jerk my car into our underground garage, and I get in there, and I thought as I was pulling the car into my space, I cannot get upstairs.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait for the elevator, I cannot make it.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: I have to do something right now.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And so I took the 64 ounce cup that was the start of my downfall, and in my car, this is fucked up, I filled it.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: 64 ounces.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Wasn't done.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: Oh Nick.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: I filled it and I wasn't done.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: I was done enough to stop.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: And I got that cup, affixed the lid to it.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Yep, I threw it in the dumpster with no small amount of guilt.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: And I ran up to the bathroom.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: And I don't, I don't have a measuring stick to tell you what the what the rest of the yield was for that particular thing.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: But I went upstairs and got the rest of it, and I thought about my mistakes for years afterwards.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: So the moral of the story is actually okay, first, first of all, let me do, I'm gonna change my prompt question because I'm just gonna say what's your best, what's your best peeing story?
19:05
SPEAKER_01: That's just why I'm gonna change it, because that's what your story is.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: Well that's not my best peeing story, that's my most painful peeing story.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay, then I'll do what's your most painful peeing story.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: Okay, just so let me get this.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Next week, let's do really good peeing stories because I have tons of pee stories that I'd love to share on this podcast.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Wow, I can't wait.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: So the moral, the moral here, everyone, of all of these stories is when you feel like you need to go to the bathroom, you just need to go.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think the human body was designed not to hang on and be like, I could probably go a little longer.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: If I may paraphrase the great Benjamin Franklin, I might say that an ounce of prevention is worth a gallon of the cure.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: And you might find a gallon of the cure in the dumpster.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: It was like Nick's head.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: Or your or your loving, long-suffering spouse might have to pull a rubber mat out of your car with a few gallons of the cure in it.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, yeah.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: On a hot June night.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: Nick, thank you so much for sharing your stories today.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, everyone, for just listening to us talk about this.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: If you have a story you want to share, you can always email us.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: Uh, emails in the show notes.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: So go email us and tell us a time when you peed your car or in a cup.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: Or someone else's car.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Or someone else's car.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: That would be great.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: We love you.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to reverse jackass.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Bye.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Bye.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Some neighbors are besties.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: Others quarrel bitterly.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: Stuck together through geography.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: One of us has nukes.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: And the other has tokes.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: It's American Canadian diplomacy.
20:45
SPEAKER_01: It's reverse.