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CELEBRITIES I WOULD FUCK · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:08
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's
0:11
Tension. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
0:13
and I've got the Barbie. All right, we're just going to
0:19
jump right in, OK? Because we we have a tendency to
0:23
be very long winded with people. Tangents, rabbit holes long
0:29
winded if there's a topic we won't get to.
0:31
It assholes. Perhaps, you know, long, deep
0:35
assholes. Rants.
0:38
OK, so today we're going to talk about celebrities we would fuck
0:44
and we need to, we need to explain to people too, our
0:48
perception on how they would be in bed.
0:52
What would they like in bed? You know, that's what I always
0:55
think about. It's so crazy.
0:57
I will preface, I don't think about it.
1:01
I'm a very sexual person Barbie crushes so like.
1:05
When you're like, we're going to do a celebrity crush.
1:06
I was like, fuck, I gotta do some research.
1:08
I gotta try to remember what I like.
1:12
But you know, what's really funny is sometimes I'll like a
1:15
celebrity, but specifically in one piece of media and nothing
1:19
else. Yeah, yeah.
1:22
Definitely. But we're we're going to have
1:23
such a different group of people.
1:26
I feel, I feel like I'm not going to know just about anybody
1:29
you talk about and you're probably not going to know
1:31
anybody I talk. About Oh, you'll know people I
1:34
talk about, yeah. I think you overestimate me.
1:40
Did you know I didn't know who Michael Jackson was till after
1:42
he died? Oh my God.
1:45
What? In my defense, he died when I
1:46
was 8. Oh fuck, he's been that long.
1:50
Damn I. Think it was what, 2008?
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Jesus, I had no idea. I think I probably had heard his
1:56
music, but I just, I never even knew like who Michael Jackson
1:59
was. Oh my God, Yeah, yeah, that's,
2:02
yeah. It just shows you fucking time
2:05
flies by so fast and it's just wow.
2:08
Like, yeah, it's crazy. I was, I was talking to Bree the
2:13
other day and she was like, you know, Mia, in 15 years, she's
2:17
like in 15 years I'm going to be 70.
2:19
And I was like, what? 15 years. 15 years and I'm like,
2:22
well, I'm only 9 years younger than you.
2:25
Oh my God. 15 years. I'm going to be 40.
2:28
OK, that's how math works. Yes.
2:30
It goes too quick though, Barbie.
2:33
I think 1617 years, I'll be 40. Yeah, it's same thing.
2:36
Yeah, it's same thing, but it goes too fast.
2:39
It really does. All right, so celebrities, yes,
2:43
there's somebody that you said to me the other day and I was
2:46
like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know who he is because
2:49
what is he into? What does he do?
2:51
So when I was like in middle school, maybe like early high
2:55
school, there was a show called AB CS Freak Show, and it was on
2:59
ABC. Yeah.
3:00
And it had two seasons. And there was just this guy on
3:03
there who did like freak show shit.
3:05
And he would just had like bleach white hair and pale skin
3:09
and wore a lot of eyeliner. And yeah, I was in love with
3:13
him. I was just, I thought about him
3:16
all the time and I was like, I need this man.
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And I think he was like 40 when I saw him.
3:20
Oh, fuck. And so I, I didn't know that
3:22
though. But yeah, he.
3:24
Didn't look it though, he did a bunch of.
3:26
Freaky shit on the show, he'd like put a hook through his nose
3:28
out of his mouth and he would do all sorts of crazy shit.
3:31
And I guess like, my little freaky brain is like, yeah,
3:33
that, that that's doing it for me right there.
3:37
It's amazing what we can think about when we're 7-8 years old.
3:41
You know, that was probably. 14. Oh, where are you?
3:43
Oh. Yeah, I was in like, I was like
3:45
late middle school, early high school.
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Oh, you did. Say that I'm sorry.
3:49
I don't think I had any crushes when I was super.
3:52
Young, I was thinking about the. Shark Boy.
3:55
OK, I was thinking of the same, the same thing as Michael
3:58
Jackson, but So what do you think about now?
4:02
Like if you were to have sex with him since he was such a
4:04
freak then. If he was, if he looked, he
4:09
doesn't look like that anymore. Obviously 'cause if you.
4:11
Sure. That was a clear 10 years.
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Ago OK and what's his name? Let's his name is.
4:16
He's hard. It's like AB CS for he thinks
4:19
morgue like. OK, MORG, yeah, like, OK, I'm
4:23
going to look him up and I'm going to put Morgue now and see
4:26
what he fucking looks like. But it was crazy.
4:29
I was still like a little Christian girl.
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And he would post these crazy satanistic, atheistic rants on,
4:35
on, on like YouTube and I would just ignore them.
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So I was like, it's OK if I just keep a little.
4:41
Picture right? But I've always been obsessed
4:45
with the circus and clowns. If you follow me on fat, you
4:47
know I like clowns. Yeah, you know, Shaman loves
4:52
clowns. Like that's a huge thing for
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him. I really want to post like some
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scarier pictures with me on fat but I'm just.
4:59
I just get nervous that they can't handle it.
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You know, I don't think so. Oh my God, he does not look
5:05
pretty now. No, I'm sure there's drugs
5:07
involved. I'm sure there's drugs involved
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then, yeah. I see, I know.
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Looking back, he wasn't even that pretty then, I think.
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I think I was just 14, he. Don't look bad.
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But he he looks scary like first major celebrity crush.
5:24
OK. All right.
5:25
Look here like that's what 14 year old shit in her pants over.
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OK the clown and the stuff. But I realized I have a very
5:33
specific niche I find attractive.
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And it's when somebody has bleached, like, white hair and
5:42
super pale skin and like super dark, like makeup, I will
5:45
immediately just probably find that person attractive.
5:49
Yeah, but that's like kind of what I look like.
5:52
OK, but you know that show I Zombie we were talking about?
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Yeah. And how all the zombies had the
5:57
bleach. I had a crush on the the Bane
6:00
guy from that show. Oh.
6:01
Yeah, when he had. The pale skin and the bleach
6:03
hair, yeah, but when he had tan skin and normal hair, I didn't
6:06
like him. Yeah.
6:07
So it just. Depends on the look.
6:09
Alright, It's a total look for you.
6:10
OK, so thinking of bleach blonde hair.
6:13
Yeah. OK, I have bleach blonde hair
6:16
and I'm being conceived. Yeah.
6:17
Barbie licks her lips. OK, so Vanilla Ice, that's one I
6:23
thought when the. Google people as you speak about
6:25
them because I. Don't know who that is.
6:27
Vanilla ice Ice ice baby. Well, I know that, I know that,
6:30
but I don't. Know OK so his name is is Rob
6:34
Van Winkle is his actual name. It's a white dude for.
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Sure, Yeah. And you know, back in the 80s
6:40
again, yeah. Fucking fucking hot, yeah.
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Square jaw, attractive face, really sexy guy.
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Yeah. So, you know, he sung that song
6:53
Stop That Train, and it was about BDSM.
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And I said that's what really triggered my thought because I
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was like 9 years old listening to it.
7:00
Yeah, you know, And when I heard she pulled out the chains,
7:04
whipped her handcuffs similar. Story when it comes to a song OK
7:08
and so then by Rihanna used to be my favorite song when I was
7:10
Ted. See.
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What does that tell you? Excite me.
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Nothing should excite me. I'm Ted who gave me that iPod.
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I'm singing like a G6 like I know what bottles.
7:24
Are okay, so. Popping bottles in the eyes.
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I don't know what that means. I'm kid.
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So what did you think that morgue would actually like now
7:34
in bed? I mean, he looks pretty fucking
7:35
freak. Yeah, he'd probably go for
7:38
anything. OK, I knowing him, I guarantee
7:42
you probably blood. See, I look at him, yeah, I look
7:45
at him and I think he likes to be pissed on straight.
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Up if I think he would be really into like like satanic esque
7:53
vibes. So probably candle wax knife
7:56
play blood, probably like tight bondage stuff like that.
8:00
But I can't imagine it would at all be very sensual.
8:04
I can imagine be very sloppy and kind of in a rush, right?
8:08
Like I imagine it'd be kind of gross, like filthy.
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Do you think he wants his Dick sucked?
8:14
Yeah, OK. And I imagine that he might not
8:16
even eat pussy. OK, alright.
8:20
He either doesn't or he's way too into it.
8:22
OK, well I'm going to save my favorite for last, so we'll get
8:25
there last because God. I've never thought about that
8:28
before I guess. Yeah, You know, this is the
8:32
whole point and it's a great exercise because you can read
8:34
people and so when people come into the dungeon or you're
8:38
playing with anybody, he seems. Like he'd want to smoke a
8:40
cigarette while you suck a Dick. See, that's what I'm saying, you
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know, it's, it's perspective, it's looking at people and
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really knowing what they want. And so it's, to me, it's a good
8:51
exercise to really look at somebody, kind of examine
8:54
certain things, I think. What do you think Vanilla Ice
8:56
would want? So vanilla ice he to me he look
9:02
vanilla. No, he is not vanilla.
9:05
You're just projecting. Yeah, no, I really think with
9:08
Vanilla Ice, I think that he's not into real BDSM.
9:13
I don't think he's a top. I think if anything, it's more
9:17
like he wants to be loved, he wants to be touched.
9:21
I can. Imagine he'd be a multiple girl
9:23
orgy kind of guy. You know, I don't think that.
9:26
I don't know anything about him. So I, I think, I think he's,
9:30
he's had his share fair of everything, right.
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So with, with that, I think that now I think he would want, you
9:38
know, just a hot woman on top. I think he's kind of cool with
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big hips. I mean, I think he's just kind
9:44
of a a cool guy about anything. And I think he kind of goes with
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the flow. He looks like he's into a little
9:50
bit of nipple play, but looks. Like somebody would have like a
9:53
little lingerie fetish and like buy his girls in laundry.
9:55
I don't know about that, but I think he might be well but.
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Anytime I see like more like clean cut richer rapper guys, I
10:03
always imagine that they would that they they're the kind of
10:06
people who would enjoy buying their girl things and seeing
10:08
them stuff in. So it's not like a lingerie
10:11
fetish specifically, but more of a like, oh, let me spoil you
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like you're my girl kind of vibe.
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OK, see I think he likes to be bit.
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He just looks like that guy that you know, he was cool with you
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biting him places, even biting on his Dick a little bit.
10:25
He's not freaky, but he he'd fuck a freak, yeah.
10:29
I'd love to fucking freak him all day long.
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I'm calling her husband is cool with it because here's the
10:38
thing. Is a Vanilla Ice your hall pass?
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No, Vanilla Ice is he's, he's on a hall pass for me, but there's
10:45
a number one and I'm going to get to him.
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He's on my hall pass. Elvis, he's dead.
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He's dead and you know I'm going to get to Elvis next I'll tell
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you about. Everyone's on my hall pass
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because I'm single. But but no, my husband and I
10:57
have a deal. So he wants to fuck Latex, Lucy
11:01
and Shakira. Yeah, he loves Shakira.
11:06
You know, she's Central American more.
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Attainable than the other. Yeah, why not, right.
11:11
And you know, latex Lucy. Latex Lucy, is she?
11:14
You can look at her own fat life.
11:16
She's she's a latex queen and she's done a lot of porn.
11:21
And she does. She's a switch in a sense,
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because she does porn. But to me, her, she's got a big
11:28
fat pussy and I was like, you know, honey, a lot of Dicks have
11:33
been in that pussy, right, You know, you know, and I just you
11:37
know, I've had a lot of Dicks in mind.
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But Mia does kegels. OK, I squeeze.
11:43
I'm sitting here. I'm.
11:44
Squeezing because of the kegels. She might just overdo it.
11:48
Maybe. Maybe it's a muscular.
11:50
Pussy able to snap off a Dick in there?
11:52
We don't know. There's only one way to find
11:55
out. But she looks beautiful.
11:56
Yeah, gorgeous. I'm cool with it.
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I'm like. Anytime I see a girl with those
12:00
kind of outfits, I know they got money.
12:02
He wants to fuck her first and I'm like, and then Shakira and
12:05
then Shakira. And the the last one he's always
12:08
talked about is Bianca Beauchamp and she's another latex queen.
12:14
She's in BESM, so that's cool, isn't there?
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I I know Shakira's beautiful, you know, from Colombia.
12:20
She's gorgeous. And she looks like she would be
12:22
fun. But to me, she doesn't look like
12:24
she would be that great in bed. It looks like she doesn't like
12:27
to suck Dick. Yeah, that's what I'm getting.
12:30
That's just me. I could even imagine that she's
12:32
a girl that doesn't even really want to get eaten out, you know?
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What I mean, I'm I I got that. She kind of seems like a bit of
12:39
a little Princess, and that's not to be rude.
12:41
No, maybe she just wanted to get fucked in the ass.
12:43
It's. Always.
12:44
Not to get on a tangent. Well, I'll say this and we'll
12:46
hop right back. Go right ahead.
12:47
Who has always confused me? Touch me.
12:49
Not lesbians. You know, yeah, No, tell me.
12:52
So in the lesbian community are like queer women or sapphics.
12:56
There's, you know, the Butch dykes, films, whatever, but
12:59
there's some like dykes and butches and like studs that
13:03
don't want you to touch them at all.
13:06
They want to fuck you with the strap, they want to eat you out.
13:09
They don't want you eating them out.
13:10
They don't want to be fingered. They don't even want their like
13:13
vagina acknowledged at all. And that's always really
13:15
confused me. But those are the same girls
13:17
that sometimes don't even take their sports bra off and they
13:20
fuck you. I personally think there's some
13:22
gender identity going on there that they are not coming to
13:26
terms with because genital dysphoria is a big thing.
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Because I know trans people that don't want their genitals messed
13:33
with because it makes them feel bad about themselves.
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And so anytime I've heard of a touch me not lesbian, I'm like,
13:39
yeah, we might need to go therapy about that one.
13:42
And that's not me being rude. Like, I'm not trying to
13:43
discredit. No, I know it's it's a big
13:49
spectrum of things, you know, and it's like you said, it's
13:52
it's not our life, it's their life.
13:54
And you know, everyone has a choice and do wink to do.
13:57
But I'm not really into masculine women that much.
14:00
I'm specifically not really into like super Butch or like super
14:04
stud just because for me, I I like girls and I think I want a
14:09
girl. I don't really girl who like
14:11
acts like a guy, you know what I mean?
14:13
And that's not to be rude like. It's just your preference.
14:16
You know, they're wearing their, they wear sports bras to make it
14:18
look like they don't have titties.
14:19
Like they they look like men. And I'm like, like, yeah.
14:22
I mean, if you like masculine women, that's that's all for
14:25
you. But I personally just, I like
14:27
that middle masculine where it's not quite you look like a boy,
14:30
but it's like, you know, little mask you like, you let your
14:33
button ups and stuff. But I'm a big fan of I'm a femme
14:36
for femme now but that's so hard to find.
14:38
Like finding another like femme girl who wants to date a femme.
14:42
I got so annoyed. They all want masculine women.
14:46
I totally understand. But back to what we were
14:48
talking. About yes.
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OK, so do you have another celebrity crush?
14:52
The only other one I can really like, think of that like I've
14:55
liked for a long time was like Tom, not Tom Holland, Tom
14:59
Hiddleston. He played Loki in the Marvel MCU
15:04
and he's just like a very traditionally handsome.
15:07
He's older now. OK, let me look this.
15:09
Up here in like, I get, yeah, he's just, he used to like do
15:15
movies and he's just like classically handsome British
15:18
man. But he's a really, he does
15:21
Shakespeare and so he says really polite temperament.
15:24
So he's very opposite from the last guy.
15:26
But he when he speaks and does interviews, he's very eloquent
15:30
and he's very well spoken. And he did this really artsy
15:33
movie and he was like, like, had his shirt off and he was ripped,
15:37
just so polite and ripped. And I was like, you know what?
15:40
I like that right there. But he also played Loki.
15:43
And I liked how he looks as Loki with the black hair and the pale
15:46
skin. And because I think, I think, I
15:48
think I just like goth. So anytime someone looks a
15:50
little goth, I'm like, yeah, I'm in, you know, So I liked him
15:54
like that, but I liked him for a long time.
15:57
And if I had to think what he'd be into in bed, I don't think
16:01
he's into anything. I think he's quite vanilla,
16:05
maybe a little hand spanking, something like that, maybe rough
16:08
sex, but I don't think he'd be into like implements or
16:12
anything. Crazy.
16:14
It's always interesting, our perspectives, isn't it?
16:16
Well, she did Taylor Swift for a minute, which is random.
16:20
But and yeah, she just doesn't look like she would be that
16:23
exciting. She looks so boring to me.
16:26
Yeah, a little bit. No, no offense to her
16:28
personally, but. I mean offense, Taylor Swift, if
16:32
you're listening, I mean offense.
16:37
Yeah, she's cute, but I think she just looks really
16:40
inexperienced sexually. You.
16:42
Would try to act like they're into stuff and they're.
16:45
They're not. Yeah, like she like big Dicks.
16:47
Well. Songs and she's trying to be
16:49
cool. Like yeah, draw your eyeliner
16:51
sharp enough to kill a man. Girl, shut the fuck up.
16:56
No. You wouldn't even tell a man to
16:58
shut up. No.
17:00
No, I think she's really sexually repressed.
17:03
That's what it. Seems to be like she likes
17:05
missionary, that's it. Yeah, yeah.
17:09
I mean, there's nothing wrong with being vanilla.
17:11
No, not at all. I'm a.
17:13
Big fan of vanilla sex sometimes.
17:14
She's got a lot of talent, and maybe that's all of her talent
17:17
is right there, you know, well. I mean, some people just aren't
17:20
that sexual. No, those aren't very true.
17:23
Very true. I, you know, for kinky stuff, I
17:27
do like, I tell you what, sometimes I'm like, hey, I just
17:29
want to lay on my back. I don't want to jump through
17:32
these hoops. I don't want to put nothing on.
17:34
I just want to get this done with.
17:36
I want to have a good time. I want you to look in my eyes
17:38
and that's it. Call it a night we have.
17:43
Let's make it under 45 minutes. God, is there anybody who has
17:47
died that you think you would be totally into, like, say, Marilyn
17:50
Monroe? Ohio.
17:53
She was a girly girl, She was beautiful.
17:55
She's blonde, pale skin. Well, if we're talking about
17:58
girls, she's not dead. But I really did like, I do
18:03
really am attracted to Doja Cat. She's like a rapper.
18:06
I've seen Doja Cat, she's gorgeous.
18:08
To me, I know a lot of my friends are attracted to like
18:11
Megan the stallion. I think Megan the Stallion is
18:13
hot, but I don't know if she's necessarily like my type at all.
18:17
I think we're too much alike, OK, too dominant for.
18:21
That OK. All right.
18:23
But I don't know. I like them.
18:25
I'm trying to think like someone who's died.
18:31
I don't know, really. I can't really think of anybody.
18:34
But it's only because you asked me the question.
18:36
No, no, that's fine. You can, we can circle back.
18:39
But I will say Elvis, Elvis just because he's beautiful, but we
18:43
were not going to be sexually compatible at all.
18:46
And I he's waiting. Much like a top.
18:49
Yeah, he's a big top. He was a big country boy, You
18:52
know, he had a foot fetish. Have you seen his new movie?
18:56
Oh yeah, with Jacob Allordy. Oh yeah, Jacob Allordy.
18:59
I had a little crush on him for a minute, but he's too he's too
19:02
surfer Australian for. Me.
19:04
Oh, he's still gorgeous. He's gorgeous.
19:06
But sometimes when guys are a bit too normal, I just, I don't
19:10
like him. Yeah, like, I don't know what it
19:12
is. Yeah, Elvis, he was a little
19:15
borderline pedo, unfortunately. You know he had that.
19:20
You know his wife. Was a little young.
19:22
Yeah, you know, but it goes back to the 50s, you know, it was
19:26
very common, more so than people care to admit, you know, and
19:30
being uneducated in the South, you know, it was what it was,
19:34
honestly. Jerry Lee, Jerry Lewis, great
19:37
balls of fire if you've ever seen it.
19:40
But, you know, he married his second cousin, you know, and she
19:44
was 13 at the time, and he was like 26.
19:46
Gross. I'm glad we came from that.
19:48
Yes, I think when Elvis married Priscilla, he was 36 and she was
19:53
21. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of age
19:57
gaps, but I think it's like we've talked about this before,
20:00
like I think because my generation is like.
20:04
And even maybe millennials as well, because we have access to
20:07
the Internet in such an intense way, you really can just learn
20:12
about all that stuff, like with Elvis and his stuff.
20:16
So you're less likely to be susceptible to the cycles of
20:20
this stuff because you can be educated on.
20:22
It and. I know a lot of kids my age,
20:24
they're really aware of age gaps and how it can be predatory
20:28
because you can easily look up any story online and see how.
20:32
I mean, I'm not saying age gaps can't work.
20:35
I mean, obviously there's an age gap with you and your husband,
20:37
but I'm saying a lot of them can be predatory.
20:40
And you know, I remember when I started dating when I was 18 and
20:44
I was wanting a boyfriend, I had an older girl I knew that was
20:48
like 28. I was just chit chatting where
20:50
they're out once and she told me she's like, don't date a guy
20:53
over 24. And I was like, like, I was
20:56
like, oh, why? And she was like, because what
20:58
do you have in common with a 30 year old?
21:00
You're 18. What do you have to offer him?
21:02
Yeah. You just got out of school.
21:03
He has a whole life like he wants you because you're, you're
21:06
naive. And I really took that to heart.
21:09
And I was. Like it's true, that was great
21:10
advice. Yeah.
21:11
And I've always tried to keep it tight.
21:13
When I do date, I like to keep it like maybe only two or three
21:17
years. Either way, I don't go under 21
21:19
just because it's inconvenient now because I'm like 24 and.
21:22
If I don't. Drink.
21:23
I don't want my partner not be able to get in the club.
21:25
It just feels weird. But right now I think I think
21:29
I'm 24. I think I could date a 30 year
21:31
old now if I found one I like. Absolutely.
21:34
Well because now my brain is almost fully developed so dating
21:39
dating a 30 year old now wouldn't be as weird as if I was
21:42
18, but you see it all the time. You do.
21:45
Like, and that was like the weirdest thing is that these
21:48
girls would get into these punk scenes and they'd they'd be 18.
21:52
Like I turned 18 a week ago. And next thing you know, they
21:55
got them a 23 year old boyfriend.
21:56
They got a 26 year old boyfriend.
21:58
Like, yeah, the guys are but and they think they're so cool
22:00
because they have, they're mature for their age.
22:02
I'm like, no, you're not. No, you're not.
22:04
The boy's immature for his age. Yeah, that's why he's dating a
22:06
teenager. Exactly.
22:09
When I was 23, I didn't even, I went on a date with a 19 year
22:11
old and I cut and I stopped it. I think I talked about that on
22:13
the podcast where I was like, it didn't work out.
22:16
Yeah, I was like. He's too young and like, you
22:19
really can tell the difference. And if you can tell the
22:20
difference between a 2223 year old and a 19 year old, imagine
22:24
the difference between like a 27 year old and an 18 year old.
22:27
It's weird. Yeah, yeah.
22:29
It really just, it goes back. I think there's a level of
22:32
insecurity with men and when they start listening to, you
22:38
know, women that are, you know, 18 and 19 and they have 0
22:44
experience, you know, and it was sadly kind of like Elvis, you
22:47
know, he really didn't want to have sex with Priscilla after
22:49
she had their child. You know, it was kind of like,
22:52
oh, she's not pure no more. Baby to Madonna horror complex.
22:56
Yeah. So I was like.
22:58
Well, I will say age gaps aren't bad.
23:00
It just depends where the age gap is.
23:02
Like 18 and 32 is weird, but 30 and 42 it that's a little weird,
23:07
but not that bad. Yeah.
23:08
And then 35 and 47, it's like, oh, you're both adults.
23:11
Like it's still an age gap. But like, once you get past that
23:14
hump of your brain not being developed, then it's kind of
23:16
like free game, you know what I mean?
23:19
Well, my husband was 21. I took his virginity and I was,
23:23
you know, 3032 at the time. Yeah. 3233, yeah.
23:28
And you know I didn't. Know he was 2:30.
23:30
Three. No, he was 21.
23:32
That's not that bad though. Well, you know, most people
23:34
would be like what? But I I will say not to be
23:37
sexist. I feel like it's a little
23:38
different. OK, I mean, I don't like I said,
23:41
I don't want to be like, oh, you know, but the simple fact of it
23:45
was he, he had a profession, he was goal oriented and all of
23:50
these things were he he's basically an old man and I'm
23:54
honestly much more fun than he is because he's a boring guy.
23:58
That's why I said earlier they can work.
24:00
I'm not saying age gap can't. Oh, I know you're I'm.
24:02
Just saying off. More often than not, it's a
24:04
situation where someone's being used or exploited.
24:07
Oh I agree, especially it is like.
24:09
Older man, younger woman. Yeah, to be sexist, you all
24:13
know. We all know.
24:14
We all know, but that's OK. But we go back to the celebrity.
24:19
I was going to say, because there's a lot of men in foreign
24:22
countries that'll be like, what's this bitch talking about
24:25
cuts? Me out on face.
24:27
I will marry a 14 year old, I don't give a fuck.
24:32
Don't come to America. We got guns here, brother.
24:36
I was guessing because they listened to us on Iran so it's
24:38
like but. What are they going to do, beat
24:42
my ass? Come to America.
24:46
OK Oh no, you're mad at me. But anywho, so there's no other
24:54
crushes for you, huh? It's so hard to think because I
24:57
think I get them. This one's really stupid and I'm
25:01
going to have to Google him for you because you're not going to
25:03
know who this is. So when I was younger, there was
25:05
a show called the Doodle Bops, and they were like brightly
25:08
colored at the children's show. Well.
25:11
I remember the doodle bops. Orange one and his name is MO
25:14
Doodle and you got to stay with me about this.
25:17
So on. In fandom culture and on TikTok,
25:22
people make these things called edits, where they will put clips
25:26
of an actor or an actress and they'll make the edit.
25:30
Really sexy and it really makes the person look so attractive.
25:34
Well, last year for some reason people started making edits of
25:38
MO Doodle from the doodle box and I started reposting every MO
25:44
Doodle edit I got, which by reposting it, the algorithm just
25:48
fed me more MO Doodle edits. So for a while I had a kind of
25:53
ironic a crush on MO Doodle from the doodle bops because of these
25:58
sexy edits I kept getting. And I plagued all my friends
26:02
with them because I continuously reposted them.
26:04
And the other day my friend, he was like oh you haven't posted
26:07
one in a while. I'm glad you're over it.
26:09
And I just said oh I just haven't gotten one in a while.
26:11
OK, I'll go through and repost all the ones I have saved if you
26:14
want. Yeah, go for it.
26:16
For yes, from MO Doodle. Don't be.
26:19
It's so stupid, I'm gonna have to Google it for you.
26:23
It's literally, it's so so. Send me the link.
26:26
Send me the link. Oh yeah.
26:27
So told you I'm ticked off. Yes.
26:30
Sending you MO dual edits. I don't know what it is, this
26:33
little orange man. I I've seen that that orange
26:37
man, but he's got an attractive face.
26:39
It's just I can't get past the hair you'll.
26:42
See the edit though, they pick like 2 like .3 second clips for
26:47
someone their jaws like bulging or they look like they're like
26:50
making like an O face and they'll pull it out of like
26:52
normal stuff. It's like their magic and it'll
26:55
it'll make someone who doesn't look that hot looks super
26:58
fucking hot. It's like crazy.
26:59
It's it's dangerous. Isn't that crazy?
27:01
Yeah. All right.
27:03
So grand finale for me. Grand.
27:05
Finale for you and I'll give it a grand finale.
27:08
Marshall Mathers. Eminem.
27:10
Eminem. Yes.
27:12
Oh God have mercy. Okay, hold me back, Barbie.
27:18
Okay, so my opinion on this is, you know, he focused a lot on
27:23
raising his kids. He had a highly dysfunctional
27:25
relationship with his wife. His wife had to be like his
27:28
mother. They were both addicts.
27:30
There was issues, however, I think with him, I think he is a
27:35
true sensualist. I think he's sexy as fuck and
27:38
there's something about ghetto loving like I fucking I oh.
27:43
I think MO Doodle is a sub by the way.
27:44
Oh. OK, I, I think, I think, I think
27:48
Marshall Mathers is a little bit of submissive, honestly.
27:52
I think he clearly has mommy issues.
27:54
You know, he might even want to say mommy, I don't know, in a
27:58
session, but I would fucking rock his world and he is number
28:02
one on my bucket list. I would fuck the shit out of
28:05
him. I would do nearly whatever, you
28:08
know, but I'm, I'm in control now.
28:11
Now, you know, he wrote in one of his lyrics, he said something
28:15
how he had an encounter with Mariah Carey and he he just came
28:20
out and said it, that he pre ejaculated on her stomach and
28:25
that she can't deny what happened because he was here to
28:30
embarrass himself along with her because she's a cunt.
28:34
And I've never liked Mariah Carey.
28:37
Yeah, yeah, I don't like her. She.
28:39
She. Looks like a heard bad things
28:42
about her. Her and Jlo.
28:44
I've only heard bad things about them.
28:46
Right. Like I've heard the worst thing.
28:48
Like recently the Jlo hatred's been crazy.
28:50
Yeah, it really has been. But yeah, that's essentialist.
28:55
I could see that. I don't really know much about
28:57
him. I've heard some of his songs.
28:58
Yeah, but yeah, he talks about the song, how he basically
29:03
nutted on her and she started coagulating and she was, she
29:07
called him disgusting or gross. And I was like, what a fucking
29:10
bitch. I would.
29:11
Fucking. I know I'm like, I'm fucking
29:14
that slurp it up with a straw fucker.
29:16
Well, it's also like you're you're fucking him.
29:20
Yeah, like, oh. You're so disgusting.
29:22
You're the one on your back, bitch.
29:23
Right? What a bit interesting
29:26
combination it is, but I always imagine there's probably a lot
29:30
of interesting combinations and like.
29:31
Oh definitely, but. I guess my grand finale is this
29:36
so I like. Go ahead, she's doing her.
29:40
Thing right, her dog's in the corner just being funny.
29:44
So I do like K pop in a very like light way and I like this
29:49
one boy group and I used to not really make sex jokes with my
29:52
friends. I don't know.
29:54
And I was showing them this music video of this eight boy
29:57
boy group and they're all grown men so they're not boys.
30:00
But I in the middle of this music video pointed to he went
30:03
that's the train set I want for Christmas.
30:06
And it was like the first sex jokes my friends had heard me
30:08
say and they were like so shocked that not only was I
30:13
making like a sexual joke, I was basically saying I want these
30:16
eight Korean pop stars to run a train on me.
30:20
But it wasn't all of them. I've liked this one.
30:22
His name's Chang Ben and he is 5/6 and I'm willing to forgive
30:26
him for that. Yeah.
30:27
But he's like, he's renowned for being like the ugliest, but he's
30:31
so pretty because Korean beauty standards are like insane.
30:34
And I have had a crush on him since, like pretty consistently
30:37
since 2020 now. Wow.
30:40
So yeah, I'd risk it all for him.
30:41
I feel like I could pull him, He said.
30:43
He likes scary girls. Oh, you'd rock his world.
30:47
I would. And he likes big bitches.
30:49
That's why he lifts weights. Because if you're lifting
30:51
weights, you like big bitches. Because what are you lifting the
30:53
weights for? Exactly not.
30:55
Skinny bitches. A lot of Jim Bros.
30:59
I was going to say. And a lot of Jim Bros like in
31:01
the ass. So a lot of the military men
31:05
fuel the dungeon ecosystem. Economy.
31:09
Economy. Yeah, it's Jim Bros, blue collar
31:13
and military men. Oh yeah, 100%.
31:16
That's them you would. You would think it would be the
31:18
artist. And we love them all, right?
31:21
There's a blue collar guy today that took Doug.
31:23
That was scary. Yeah.
31:25
You just go to work after that. Cute, wasn't he?
31:28
Yeah. Yeah.
31:29
Not my type. You're not?
31:30
Yeah. Not your type.
31:31
Yeah. Picky about men?
31:32
I don't know. Yeah, that's OK.
31:34
Be picky as you want. But I'll I'll Google.
31:36
A picture of Chandler. I've seen him.
31:38
Chadman. Yes, you know who he is.
31:40
Yes, I know who he is. Exactly.
31:43
How do you know who he is? Because I know K Pop.
31:46
Yeah, he's a Stray Kids. Yes, there's some.
31:49
There's some of the boys in that group are pretty like girls.
31:52
Oh, I know. Khungen and Felix.
31:54
Yeah. I don't usually like feminine
31:57
men, but I'm like, OK baby. Yeah, cute.
32:02
I'll bring my strap if we need it.
32:03
Exactly. You like that?
32:05
Exactly, exactly. No, they're just so.
32:08
Gorgeous. And I'm just like, I think me
32:11
getting into K pop is when I realized men could be that
32:13
pretty. Yeah.
32:14
I was like, oh this, this is unlocking something.
32:17
For me, absolutely. But I only really like one or
32:20
two groups. I like the girl groups more
32:22
because I like pop music. That is a OK.
32:26
But yeah, gosh, I wish I could have talked about more girl
32:29
celebrities I like, but I don't really get girl crushes on
32:31
celebrities to lay down boys. Well, you brought up Jlo, and I
32:34
love Jlo, but she looks like an absolute fucking cunt.
32:38
Yeah, people talk about it. I'm trying.
32:41
To think if I had a crush on any other girl.
32:44
Ria RIP. Not Ria Ripley.
32:45
Yeah, Ria Ripley. She's this like goth wrestler
32:49
and she gets called mommy a lot, but she's a muscle mommy.
32:52
That's. A new.
32:53
Where when a girl's like really muscular and.
32:58
Buff. Yeah, call him a muscle mommy.
33:00
Because now. It's like now it's being used as
33:02
like daddy, so it's not really anything.
33:04
But she, you know, she's cool. She everyone thought she was gay
33:08
because of how like her shit went like in the, the wrestling,
33:11
like she'd always pin girls behind with their legs behind
33:13
their heads and she was always like doing all this queer stuff.
33:16
And then turns out she's like not only straight, but she's
33:19
married with a husband and. Everyone was like, wow, isn't
33:24
that funny? Yeah.
33:26
Yeah, I had to. I had to really think about my
33:28
celebrity crushes. I don't get celebrity crushes.
33:30
That all. Oh, well, you know, I'm not all
33:33
on the fact that they're celebrities because I really
33:36
could give a fuck less. I'm A Celebrity.
33:38
I'm not, yeah, I'm not one of that like, oh God.
33:42
But you know, the simple fact, like I said, because I've had
33:45
some different celebrities over the years, you know, and that's
33:48
cool, you know? But to me, it is their job.
33:51
It's what they do. They entertain people.
33:53
Yeah. But I would totally fucking rock
33:56
Eminem's world with, you know, Vanilla Ice.
33:59
I don't care that 3 way would be fucking happy straight to Paris.
34:03
Oh, it would be. I wouldn't even have to go to
34:05
Paris. I mean, I could just no.
34:08
I meant doing the Eiffel Tower. Oh God, there's an episode of
34:14
Ghosts and she's like, I'm just waiting for an appropriate time
34:17
to climb that mountain. So I would fucking climb that
34:20
mountain. You know, anytime I I think
34:22
about like doing an Eiffel Tower, I'm just like that seems
34:25
like so much work that seems so stressful get like having to
34:29
suck a Dick and fucking at the same time, while like doing like
34:33
a straight back seems so frustratingly annoying.
34:39
The true. Essentialist.
34:40
You only want to do one thing at a time.
34:42
Yeah, it just, it seems like a lot happening at once.
34:45
Well, because if I'm sucking Dick, I want to focus on that.
34:48
I don't want to because I don't know.
34:50
I'm also a little lazy. Oh my God, don't tell people
34:53
that. I'm not.
34:55
You got you gotta make your rounds, you know?
34:57
I will not be making my rounds. You could be sucking Dick and
35:01
stroking them off at the same time.
35:02
The other guy you know you could work or hands.
35:05
I'll just fuck them at different times.
35:07
You cut. You could, I've always been
35:09
interested in like a two guy threesome, but finding two guys
35:12
that are willing to have a decent threesome is insane
35:14
because none of they don't even want to look at the other guy.
35:17
I'm like, what the fuck are we here then for?
35:18
It's OK. You're young, that's what it is.
35:21
The older you get, once you hit 30 and there's guys in their 30s
35:24
you want to fuck, trust me, they're going to be down to I.
35:26
Like watching boys kiss, and boys don't kiss nearly enough
35:29
for my liking. I don't know, I don't know, I.
35:33
Don't know? If you're a boy and you want to
35:35
prove me wrong, feel free to send me pictures of you kissing.
35:39
The boy, Marshall Mathers, looks like he would be in a fucking
35:42
amazing kisser. I mean, you've seen him work his
35:44
mouth. I.
35:45
Haven't, but I believe you. Oh my God.
35:47
Some of them. Exactly.
35:51
My God bless. I was just like, let me suck on
35:54
your tongue for a few minutes by his neck.
35:58
You got to have him say that while he's, like, eating.
35:59
Yeah, somebody. Somebody.
36:03
Abra Abracadabra, like Evis's most recent God had mercy.
36:08
I'd fuck that over and over again.
36:10
Yeah, we'd be in bed for several days and or the dungeon,
36:13
whichever. I'm good with it.
36:16
I'll come over. I'm like, why is the door bolted
36:18
shut? Yeah, your husband will be like,
36:20
she's been in there six days, Man, I'm nervous.
36:22
They haven't had any food or water.
36:27
Eminem would just be a shriveled Raisin by the time we got to
36:30
what happened me and got a hold of them.
36:33
Poor kid didn't stand a chance. We keep water in the dungeon and
36:38
vitamin water will be fine. That is, that's the funniest
36:42
part. That's how I always like kind of
36:43
hint the sessions over because I'm not the best at like ending
36:46
them out. So I'll kind of just be like,
36:48
OK, you can get up and then I'll be like, do you want a water
36:50
bottle or anything before you get dressed?
36:52
Yeah, the hell. I always because I don't know
36:55
how to end scene. So I kind of just like slowly
36:58
stop and then just I just asked if they weren't turning.
37:02
The music down. Yeah, I'd be like, OK, hey, why
37:05
don't you come over here on the couch?
37:06
Let's take a breather for a minute.
37:08
Yeah. And then I always go, well, you
37:10
know, feel free to get dressed if you want to.
37:12
Here's some paper towels. Well, it kind of depends on like
37:14
what you end on, especially when they don't like come or anything
37:18
because you kind of just kind of end it.
37:20
Like today we had like 10 minutes left and I kind of
37:23
forgot. He said he wanted to get pegged,
37:26
but he also said quite a few things he wanted to do.
37:28
Like he wanted to do foot worship, the cock box.
37:30
He wanted torture and so much. Yeah.
37:33
And so I was kind of thinking it was just on the list.
37:36
And he was like, can I kiss your feet?
37:38
And I said, oh, we can close out the session with some foot
37:40
worship we want. He's like, oh, or you could peg
37:42
me. And I was like, bro, we got 10
37:45
minutes left. I didn't say that, but I was
37:46
like, I mean, we have 10 minutes if you want to.
37:48
And he was like, yes. And then I ended up putting Doug
37:51
in him, which, you know, grand. Finale he.
37:54
Said there we go to him. It was scary watching that.
37:57
I'm kidding. I texted my friends.
37:59
I said, guys, this guy just, I just put Doug inside this man
38:02
and they're like, no way. And said, yeah, I'm terrified.
38:08
That's awesome. OK, let's send it on that, shall
38:11
we? Yes, All right.
38:12
And until then, may all your fantasies become.
38:16
Realities.