Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Standing Strong When Life Gets Rough

Transcript

Standing Strong When Life Gets Rough · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to Episode 70.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: The last couple of weeks I've had my friend Dana on as we've discussed how to combat the negative self-talk that tends to send us spiraling, believing a lie that is so certain.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I had a very different episode planned for today than what you are hearing right now, but this week, every time, I thought of you, my listener.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I just kept hearing don't give up.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: As I was listening and it just kept repeating itself.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: When you listen long enough, you just have to trust that you're hearing what needs to be heard.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question when was the last time you quit something?
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: When storms hit, do you go to the negative run and hide under a blanket at the back of your closet, or do you fight to the death, so to speak?
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Do you repeat the phrase in your head?
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: This is not worth it or I don't have anything left.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I cannot be the only one.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Someone, please raise your hand.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I had a brief moment of this not long ago.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I tend to stay in my head always about all the things and this had been building.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: I created this storm in my head.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: You see, I'm going to be really my own worst enemy.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I was in a major pit on this particular day and I shamed myself the entire day.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: You know the furious way you slam yourself.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Well, if you don't do this, then please send me your secret to avoiding this On repeat in my head was I think I will just quit.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Like I was backed into a corner instead of finding my way out.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I not only thought these words, I unfortunately said I think I'll just quit.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Out loud on the phone to someone who promptly then laughed, yep Laughed, and said well, when you're finished quitting, let me know and that's probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: She knows me very well.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I've never liked storms, probably because I can't control them.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: They cause me to be restless and unsettled.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: This storm was minor in comparison to other storms I've faced, but because I'm a planner by nature and to be in a constant state of stormy weather is not something I choose for my life.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I like routines and I hate surprises.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I thought I would be further along in this journey, the journey from divorce.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I just assumed the road out would only last a couple of years and I would be further along in this journey, the journey from divorce.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I just assumed the road out would only last a couple of years and I would be back on solid, stable ground.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Turns out I was wrong.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: The road is long and hard.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: A friend loves to remind me hey, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: It's been an 11-year marathon, to be exact.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Most storms come when we least expect them.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: You can prepare for them?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Well, you think you can prepare for them.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: There's that control thing again.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Or you can get a crash course when they beat your door down.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I wished I could connect what my heart knew, but my head believed was true.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: My heart knows that he knows, and yet my head doubts and my logic overrules what my heart knows to be true.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Make sense.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I got a text from a friend yesterday confirming that I am not, in fact, what I wish I was.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Her exact words were hey, and you're human too.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: You are not Wonder Woman.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Well, there was a severe blow to my pride.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I like to think I'm Wonder Woman and can do it all and can manage all emotions and thoughts and not let them disrupt my life.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: My cape is my source.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: You do a little this and a little that and you save the world from the storms in one episode.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, the episode we have is this one life, and it doesn't always go as we plan.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, if you could only read my mind, you might change your mind about me.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: The tornado of thoughts, fears and worries in my head is categorized as a F5 tornado.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Talk about a storm.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: I was watching Andy Stanley one morning and this quote fit me without question.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: What are you telling yourself?
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: That if you were to say it out loud to someone they would think you're crazy.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Well, unfortunately, I did say it out loud.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: What was on repeat in my head found its way out of my mouth.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: The truth is, my unsettled brain had overstepped a boundary.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: What are we told to do when storms appear?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: We fight or we take flight.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: When the storms hit, we tend to panic and try and figure out a plan of action.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Hello, sixes out there, we must learn to be content right where we are.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: How do we do this?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: How do we stay positive in the storms raging around us?
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: The thing is, I needed to stop, to rest, to be still, to be quiet.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: The last few weeks have been very draining, very busy and overwhelming, but my friend shared your body and mind are screaming for downtime and quiet.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: So I took my superwoman cape off, trying to slow down enough to simply be still and needing time to write and study God's Word.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: God doesn't need me to calm the storms.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: That's His job.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: The warning to slow down and be quiet, plus the shock of the reality of what I was facing, was real.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: The one thing I couldn't do was sit long enough and figure it out.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I needed some help with this.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I was afraid of the quiet Only because it wasn't so long ago that the quiet and the loneliness that engulfed me was almost more than I could bear.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: I certainly didn't want to go back there, but I went back to my five tried and true ways to stay positive and to not beat myself up.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Number one is I prayed this is the time God hears what only he needs to hear.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: He alone can bear this storm.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Say it all all Scream, cry, wail, argue and fight with him.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: This brings me the comfort I need.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: You need it because once we grasp this truth, our brain slows down and God's voice whispers.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: What hangs in the balance if you quit now?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: What hangs in the balance if you quit now?
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: What hangs in the balance if you quit now?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Number two remember gratitude.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I try to journal five things I'm grateful for every day.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Try it for five to 10 days and see if it doesn't change your attitude and your perspective.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Find someone who you can verbally say these things to.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I promise you it helps.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Number three serve.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Find someone you can serve.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Find a place to serve Church, a soup kitchen, kids who are aging out of the foster system, or simply, maybe your neighbor.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Because once we start to pour out into others, it gets our minds off of ourselves and our problems don't seem too big.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: They're still there, the problems didn't go away, but it gets our minds off of ourselves and they don't consume every single thought.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: God delights us when we serve and on top of that, it's such a generous thing to do and brings him all the glory.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Number four this might should have been number one, but it's number four on my list today.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Don't be afraid of the quiet.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Here's what I know to be true.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: We cannot hear a thing when we panic and try to be in control.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Sitting quietly helps us focus on the good in our lives.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Quiet can bring discomfort and just drop it in our lap, but it shifts the perspective from all about me to look at what God shows me.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Next, don't be afraid to listen.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: There may be a word of correction, there may be a word of encouragement, but don't be afraid of the quiet.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And finally, number five, don't be afraid to ask for help.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I promise it shows you that you have grown.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: It's a sign of maturity, not weakness.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: You can always ask, but you must get out of the I can do this myself mentality.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: And let me just say I operate in this on the daily.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: And let me just say I operate in this on the daily.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: But remember, when the storms of life hit, it is okay to have feelings, fears and worries.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It's natural.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: But you can't stay there too long.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: God will see you through and he will walk before you and machete that path for you, because you're not alone.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Find someone to share these thoughts and feelings with.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I'm here and ready to help you get off the bench and back into your life.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: But whatever you do, don't you dare give up.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: That's it for today.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Starting next week, I will be doing a series on parenting for those of you who are currently walking through divorce or have recently walked through divorce.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I'll see you then, hey.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.