Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 365. Maintaining Friendships during different stages of life & how we became closer with my bestie, Liv

Transcript

365. Maintaining Friendships during different stages of life & how we became closer with my bestie, Liv · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Welcome everyone, No, welcome. Today is a really exciting special
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: podcast day because I've got my bestie live in the
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: recording studio and I'm so excited for so many reasons.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Number one because her baby Rex is also in the
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: studio and we can hear like he's.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Like this, and.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what is that him sleeping? And it's like, yes,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: you're like a bunch of people can hear that.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: It's so good?
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Is it cute?
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: All?
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Cute? All?
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: I'm like a sleeper away sleep game. I'm constantly yeah,
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: I know, right back to sleep.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: We've got Shania settling him. Anyway, Welcome to the episode
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: of Today. Today is me talking to my bestie live now.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I love. I'm very excited about this episode because I
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: feel like you've been on the podcast several times. I have,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: but not for a while.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: It's been a bit. Today's a throwback. I'm like so
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: excited to be back in the hot seat.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Honestly, and those of you that have been listening to
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: the podcast for a long time, even if you haven't
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: been a bean from day one, you've heard me reference
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Live all the fucking time. Because I think our friendship
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: is one of those friendships where a lot of people
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: are like goals. I want a friendship like that, and
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: like I reference our friendship all the time. So we're
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: pretty damn lucky and we're fucking lucky.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: No, I think this all the time.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: I know how lucky we It's like a real friendship
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: where it's like you could say anything yes, no kind
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: of judgment. It's very like face not face value. It's
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: like everything is on the surface, like there's nothing under there.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: There's nothing on that, but I know what you mean.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: It's like in the sense of if we ever are
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: annoyed or have an issue, which is actually quite rare.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: But I think the reason we don't have issues kind
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: of feeds itself, and the reason we don't have issues
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: is because we're just honest all the time time, you know,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: like about the smallest thing, about the biggest thing. So
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: there never is this underlying like she's pissed off and
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know why.
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: Never, And it's like we do with like really positive
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: stuff as well as like we'll throw like compliments and
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: good chat at each other, yes twenty four to seven. Yeah,
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: but if we're ever unsure about something, we'll also do
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: the same totally.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: And we also have no issue genuinely pulling each other up,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: and we know it never comes from malice. Like if
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Live is pulling me up on something, I'm genuinely I'm
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: more intrigued than anything else. I'm like, oh, do you
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: write it down to me? Or even like, even if
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: it's an outfit choice, you're like, oh, like, well, that's interesting.
• 2:36
  Speaker 5: Many interesting choices have been made.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beings. Whether you're a long time listener
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: to this podcast or tuning in for the first time,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I hope you'll check out my new audiobook, How to
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Chase Change Thirty Days to Master your Mindset. It's an actionable,
• 3:18
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• 3:21
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• 3:24
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• 3:27
  Speaker 1: to your relationships, career, self confidence, and beyond. How to
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Chase Change is available now wherever audiobooks are sold. Start
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: listening today. What I love is that so the journey
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: that everyone's been on with us with our friendship, because
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: like we've been on to talk about dating, dating, all
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: my fuck boys, they've been fuck boys, the fuck boys.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like we've had an episode on we went
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: through all the lames of all the fuck boys, because
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: there's this thing that we spoke about how if someone's serious,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: you have like a weird name for them. You don't
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: actually you know.
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: You always call them like hinge guy or yeah there
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: was like playboy horn yeah, or like.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Playboy horn dog torturer, literally never come back, like never
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: return into my life, stay on the peripheral.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Honestly, if you haven't listened to it, listen, Yeah, go
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: listen to that.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: We need to figure out what the name of that
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: episode is. But yeah, I don't know what I just
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: said before, but I think I meant if they're not serious,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: you have a nickname for them, but when they're serious,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: you call them by their name. Right, And now live
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: is with Well, we've got a name for him, but
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: this nickname came after you called him Pete from day one.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: But his real name is Patricia or sweet Patrice, sweet
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: betray patreats when he brings your chocolate every morning, or
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: patreats you because he loves the sweet treat. Anyway, he's
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: the fucking best. But they now have a baby, which
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like navigating friendship where you are on I
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: don't want to say two completely different parts, because I wouldn't.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I would not say that that's what we're on. I
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: would just say that we're at different stages in certain timelines,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: because I don't think that having a child, especially after
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: experiencing you having a child, puts you on completely different
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: parts unless you make it.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: So, I one hundred percent agree. I think it's exactly
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: what you make it. And going into having a child,
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: I was terrified. I thought everything would change, and it has.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: But my friendships were something that I was really really
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: obviously protective of because they are so fantastic and I
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: am so lucky to have such great friendships.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: The way that those have evolved has.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Only been better. I'd say, yeah, I think so too.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I think so, and I think everyone's I wouldn't look.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say fearful, but I think there
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: was that part of me, and I'm sure with many
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: of the girlfriends that before you had the baby, it
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: was this anticipation of, like, I wonder how this is
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: going to evolve and what it's going to look like,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: and how it's going to affect our friendship. Obviously it's
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: just like primarily pure excitement to me, who we now
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: know is baby Rex Reginaldi Regii. But also it was
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: this like what's the dynamic going to be like? Because
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I know that we gain a lot, but also there
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: was like that slight anticipation of like what are we
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: going to lose? And I feel like when I always
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: talk about nothing's permanent, it's like everything in your life,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: even though I see our friendship as being eternal, but
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: everything in our life is like that stage where you
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: don't have kids, that's now done, that's now evolved into
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: you now have a baby, and you know, and but
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: can I just say that everyone goes to their journey
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: is differently and whatever. But I feel like the way
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: that you've navigated having a baby, but you know, maintaining
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: such a close connection to your friends has been really amazing.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I feel like you've really put in that effort and
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: we like, we all know it and we all appreciate it.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: And yeah, like, guys make it so easy, but thank you,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: because it.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Is truly a journey.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I know, way to start it is the best and
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: hardest thing I've ever done. Yea, but yeah, no, you
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: guys make it really easy, and boys make it really easy. Well,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I think Another thing that we're really lucky about also
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: is how it helps to be in close proximity physical
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: close proximity. Do you remember so when we first found
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: out I was pregnant, I was like, and I'm moving
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: to Queensland and everyone's like, oh, that's a great idea,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: and then behind my back they were like, absolutely fucking
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: not behind your back. Luke, who's also been on the podcast,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: was like, babes, are you thinking what I'm thinking, because like,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: what the fuck is live thinking? And I'm like, oh
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: my god, I'm so glad you said that before.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: And we're like do we tell her?
• 7:34
  Speaker 6: Do we not? And I'm like, let's just talk to
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: her about it. I don't want her to be judged.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: But we didn't want you going to the Gold Coast
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: only because well, I we'd miss you. That's not the
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: so many reasons, but I also was like, yes, you
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: have your your parents, that your mum there and pat
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Patricia's parents are there, Like, it's not like you that
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: was the reason that you're going to go there. But
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: we were like, you've got such a good set up here,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you love living here. I just thought and from like
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: what we've seen with other people who know who have kids.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I think that changing too much in such
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: a big moment in your life might not be.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Helpful too much.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And we're such a close knit group, we all live
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: within walking distance from each other. Yeah that I was
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: just worried that you might slip into this. My life
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: has completely changed to the extent that I'm now a
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: different you know what I mean, Everything that you'd lose,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: like your identity kind of thing does us thinking we
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: are her identity, but.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: You know, but you are such a massive part of it.
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: And they say, you know, this whole thing around like
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: it takes a village. It really fucking does.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: And it's not just a village for the baby, it's
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: the village for me too. You need.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: The fact that like, after a few weeks, we could
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: continue going to like having coffees in the morning and
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: having that sense of normality even though we had a
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: plus one. Now yeah, little Reginald, Reginald on the way,
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: little Regily, Like that sense of normality helped me kind
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: of like reset back into a bit of a rhythm.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: And you had in the lead up to the birth
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: and then very soon after the birth, a literally so
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: it just yeah, it reminded me of like who I am,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: even though I'm now type this new identity of like
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Rex's mum, I'm still not losing Live exactly. And it
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: was so funny because because we were like, Okay, well
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk to her about it, which is
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: going to like gently say like, what are the pros
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: and cons have you just you know, because we wanted
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: to like get you basically coming to the conclusion without
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: us having to tell you because we didn't want it
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: to look like And then Live comes over one day
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: and she's like, guys, I havening announcement to make. I've
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: decided I am not moving to the Gold Coast and
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: looks like, oh, babe, well I'm glad you said that,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: because we're all talking about it behind your back, and
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like no, and I'm like we were, but not
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: like that, No, out of concern funny yeah, yeah, out
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: of true consent exactly, But we were rejoicing.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, best decision I ever made to stay, by the way.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I think, so yeah. So. And also I feel like
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: the the partnership that you have with Patricia is so amazing,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Like you make such a great parenting team and like
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: to the extent that like, yeah, you bring Rex to coffee,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: but many times you've just rolled in alone and been like,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: oh no, no, I've just left him with Patricia. I'm
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: just I'm on my own today, and you were doing that,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: you know, relatively early on. I love this idea that
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: it's like, I mean, I could go on forever about
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: this expectation that the mother carries the burden more so
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: than the father.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I have so many thoughts on this.
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: Oh and the way that like even my internal dialogue
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: shifted so massively and I had to pick myself up
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: on it.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: There were times where I found.
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: Like, obviously, like after you give birth and I don't
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: know if we're going to go into this later, but I'm.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Already like die Yestradian dive in.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: So I would find that, yes, because I'm carrying the
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: heavier load, like I'm breastfeeding, I'm also recovering. I'm not
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: working full time on maternity leaps, so my full time
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: job at the moment is essentially a caretaker.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: And that's fine. But I would find that I would
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: be like, is it okay if you take Rex.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: And I go to the gym? And I was like, no,
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: that's fucked.
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: It's a base see human, right, like that I need
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: to go and like move my body and do something
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: for me because I would.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I found. I think I was maybe like after ten
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: days of giving birth that I was like really struggling
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: because I hadn't been alone and I hadn't had a
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: time like a second for myself.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I hadn't like gone for.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: A walk with Lester or like just popped outside to
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: get a coffee. I'd been stuck.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: And that's fine because I'm in the really early stages
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: of postpartum life. I remember just saying to Patricia like
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: I'm going for a walk. Stay here with Rex, like
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: he's fed, he's dry, he's asleep.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I'm going for a walk. And it was the best
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: thing I ever did.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, changing the way that I said is it okay
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: to I am was the biggest dynamic shift, because I
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: feel like it became a real, like not a powered
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: dynamic shift.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: It was more like a struggle for me.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: So from going to this like.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: Really highly functioning, like busy, independent woman to being like
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: it's okay if I go through shower, I.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Was like, yes, fuck right, And you're so you were
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: so independent prior to this, you know, so I think
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: that would be such a huge shift. And also, to
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: be fair to Patricia, I think we humans in general,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: we create a standard in our life, whatever that standard is.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: So you were probably unintentionally starting to create a standard
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: where he was thinking, well, unless she asks, it's sometimes
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: unless someone pulls someone up on something, it's not an
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: intentional thing, because every time you've said, oh I'm doing
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: this is like yeah, yeah, of course of course, Like
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: he's never been like, oh well, you shouldn't given me
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: warning or like obviously because he's like he's keen to
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: be a parent. I hate I hate people saying hands
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: on dad. You'd never say hands on mum. You would
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: never say hands on mom. You would never like I
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: can guarantee you that Patrice probably gets way more compliments
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: because he's a father, yea, than you would because it's
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: expected of you. Yeah, exactly, And people say, oh my god,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: what a hands on dad. Oh my god, he's so
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: oh my god, But you don't get that because he's expected.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: He's even said to me, I'm fully capable to look
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: after my son, go and do whatever you gotta.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Do, fully capable.
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: But there is one kind of language thing that I
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: had to pick him up on. And I think it's natural,
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: like you said, like people kind of naturally slip into
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: these things. And it wasn't intentional and it wasn't like
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: in a malicious way. But he'd come home after.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Work and I would be like, I've had a fuck day,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Like he's like so unsettled, he's cluster feeding.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm touched out, like I was freaking out.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, I need you to take him, and
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: he goes, let me take him, you go have a break,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: And I was like, that wording to me is so
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable because I'm not taking your break, You're co parenting
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: with me. Yes, you're picking up the like you're end
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: of the bargain.
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. It was like and from that day he
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: was like, no, you're totally right. I'm sorry that I
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: didn't mean in that way, and he didn't, but the
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: wording to me was like, the.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Wording is massive, And I think that a lot of
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: the time. I genuinely believe that a lot of the
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: time it's it's just it's just not intentional at all,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: especially for the guys that are great dads, you know,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: like and he's amazing. You know, even like Taran and
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I don't have kids, but once he was like, I'm
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: going to be the most supportive partner. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: who are you supporting yourself? Because your child it will
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: be And he's like, yeah, your problem. Yeah, and he's like,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: so true. I never thought about that, do you know
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: what I mean. It's not like I'm expecting you to
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: do all the work. It's just but I believe that
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: language does matter in my regard. Yeah, I think it
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: does matter completely. So yeah, that's where I kind of
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: sit on that. Yeah, and I think it's really great
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: because we go to the gym, you know, a lot,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: a lot, multiple times a week for saunas and whatever,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: and that's your time. Yeah. And one thing that like Stephanie,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: my sister, has said many times is this, so many
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: mothers become martyrs in the sense that they put their
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: child's primary secondary all the child's even not even needs
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: ahead of theirs. Oh yeah, And what Stephanie said, which
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: is really interesting, she said, a parent, yes, you put
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: your child's primary needs number one because it's your child.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: But she says you should never put your child or
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: anyone else's secondary needs before your primary needs, because then
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: you don't nourish yourself, probably as an individual, and then
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you can't show up probably and that's where it starts
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: impacting your mental health. So for example, going to exercise,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: going to the gym for your mental health, having that time,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: that's a primary need. Yeah, so you need to look
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: at it as a primary need in order for me
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: to be the best functioning person I can, I have
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: to put these primary needs first unless Rex has a
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: primary need, and that will obviously be exactly.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: And it's not every like.
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: And the thing is like, it's not like every morning
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: I'm jumping out of bed, springing up and going to
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: the gym. Like there are nights where like last night
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: he was up every two hours and I was like,
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, but the fact that I
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: can get up at six pump, leave him go and
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: Patricia's all good to go, Like he's like settled, he's fed,
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: he's got milk available, he's got a dry an happy whatever.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: Like you said, primary needs and I'm out the door.
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: Ye like that to me, I come back a better person,
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: a better mum, a better version of myself. And I
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: feel so much more mentally capable to straddle the day. Yeah,
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: we'll tackle the day because I've done something for myself
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: and like, yeah, like I said, not every morning, and I'm.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Very lucky that I've got like a good baby.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: And I don't like calling them good babies because they're
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: all good babies, but like, he's relatively easy, I would
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: say that, yep, And I know not everyone has that,
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: but having that shift to be able to like go
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: and do those things for myself in the morning, even
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: if it is a coffee or whatever, Yeah, I literally
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: set myself up for the day. So yeah, those just
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: doing those little bits for yourself. But yeah about being me.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, end of the day. And I feel like out
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: of our friendship group. So in Sydney, we've got these
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: four of us out of because where I think I've
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: told everyone a thousand times, but we met at Red
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Bull back in the fucking day, and the Red Bull
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Girls is like ten eleven of us. I can never
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: know the number, even though I know there's much. But
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: we in Sydney we call it the Circle of Love
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: and it's Bella, Lizzie and the two of us because
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: at one point we lived like just within a couple
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: of blocks from each other. Bella and I'm the same
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: building at one point anyway, so the circle of love
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: out of us. Liz and I have always been like
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: about children. In the set, well, Lizzie was full on
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: like on the fence, will I will I carry braw
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: She's full on like I don't know if I'll ever
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: have kids. Now she's like obviously when we talk about kids,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: we're like, whoa, this is the whole new version of Lizzie,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you know, like something that she'd actually consider. Whereas with me,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: it's not that I never wanted kids, because I always
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: want I want a family, but I've never craved a
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: baby because I've terrified me. It is terrify I'm like,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: to give me an eight year old, give me an
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: eight year old.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, if you're giving me a baby, I'll
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: be like, what do I do?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And so it's I find
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: it really interesting now because we're like, oh, we'll probably
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: only really know until one of us who's because we've
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: got girlfriends that have had babies, but they're in Brisbane
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: or they're in Queensland. So I think seeing the day
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: to day even Lizzie said it, She's like I was
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: almost waiting to see what it would be like for
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: you to help me even like solidify a bit of
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: a decision for myself because it's this whole lossif identity
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: that you witness and.
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: I'm still suff that like one hundred percent. Like there's
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: so much of me that I'm like, what happened to
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: the old me? And that's fine because there is this
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: new Like you said, nothing's permanent.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: It's like just the part of me has evolved and like.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: They'll they'll be obviously, there's like a massive part of
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: me that's like nothing will ever be the same again
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: and that but I can't even imagine what life would
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: be like without him now.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: And I'm really there's a there's a really real balance
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: of me like mourning the life I had and celebrating
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: the new life I've got And that's okay, it's just
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: a dance between the two. But like there is so
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: much enrichment that's come with this new stage. And like I,
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: like I said, even in my friendships, in my relationship,
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: in the relationship, do you know what the relationship I
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: have with my sister is.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: The strongest it's ever been, I know, and I've noticed
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: that moment. You've gotten so much closer.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: Literally and like my whole family, and like whilst there
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: was like a real I'm looking back and it was
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: like fun and independent and dynamic, and I was like
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: traveling in here and there and whatever vibes.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that sounds amazing.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: Let's go back there, like drinks after work, like getting
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: I'm going to the gym, like and you were.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Like this like professional woman in the city taking clients
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: out to get lit.
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: Like that'll come back around, it will, it does. And
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: now I'm in this like really like soft like gentle patient,
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: which is not my patient state. I it's really it's
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: a nice new chapter, but like like you said, like
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: a whole new identity.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, massively. And I feel like, well, one thing that
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: so I've put up a question box for people to
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: send in questions. But one of two things that I
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: wanted to ask you because actually Nanny asked you this
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: the other night, and I think it's really good. What
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: has been the hardest thing and what has been the
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: most surprising thing, like positively surprising thing. I can't even
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: remember what I said. The hardest thing I say is.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: Is the unknown, and I feel like I'm constantly like thinking,
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: I'm not what ifing, but I'm like, what if you know,
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: he has any challenges or what.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: If he gets sick?
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Or what if I get sick or what?
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Like it's this kind of like unknown to me that
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: I'm like stepping into and there's nothing I can do
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: to prepare myself for it. Yeah, because I'm usually someone
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: who comes in like super prepared. I know exactly what
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: to expect, and this level of unknown and having like
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: someone fully dependent on you is the hardest thing for
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: me because I can't be selfish anymore.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I can't just do what I want to do. I
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: can't be independent.
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: And whilst I really love that you know this, I
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: love obviously love Rex, and I love this life. We've
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: got that level of like not knowing what's going to
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: come next is really hard but also really exciting.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: It's almost like you're pretty vulnerable, the most vulnerable I've
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: ever been in my entire life. I have never had
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: to depend on someone other than myself, and now there
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: are times where I'm fully reliant on Patricia. You're fully
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: reliant on him. You've got a baby that's fully reliant
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: on the two of you. Yeah, and there's so many
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: unknowns I feel like with parenting, and not just like
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: unknowns of like what if this happens, but just even
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: the day to day of unknowns of like well I
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: had a plan.
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah to day, but it's like that's not gonna happen anymore,
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: Like you know, this.
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: Should there would be some days why I've got plans
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, sorry, those are plans are out the
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: window now because he's having a cook today and that's
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: just the way it is. Yeah, and god they're rare,
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: but that does happen. And I think also like the
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: way that I've even like watched like documentaries and stuff
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: has changed because like I literally picture everything now as
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: a mum, like my whole perspective on everything she did.
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: Everything makes me cry, Yeah, I think makes me more
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: so than before.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: Would you believe? Would you believe?
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: I think everyone knows how much you cry cry Ballester,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: you used to cry with that dog that had like, oh no,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: the one that could have walked, the one that could
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: make me. One day, we're at the park, we're having
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: a picnic down in like Double Bay, and there was
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: this huge dog and she's like, I don't like the
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: look of that dog. It keeps staring at me. I'm like,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: it's a dog, the poor thing. She's like, no, I
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: don't like it. It's looking at Leicster, it's looking at me.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: And then when they got up to leave, it was
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: wearing like a kind of harness and it couldn't move
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: its back legs and be huge dog. I'm talking to.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: This dog was like the sixty kilo dogs. And the
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: two owners were like walking it back and it had hands,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: it could move its front legs, and I'm like, fuck,
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: this dog's got a fucking great life like that, and
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: you're but you burst out crying.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: I was I was judging the dog. I was judged
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: the dog.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: And the four thing couldn't walk and couldn't parents.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: They just carried everywhere, literally taking it out for its
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: daily Who am I to judge little like limp dog.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I can't. And then then we got onto sad dog talk,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: and then I was like every time, I was like,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I'm going to fuck with live this morning and I'll
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: sendra a sad dog story. You're like, are you trying
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: to make me grind right?
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: Sets my day up with a tear and like like
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: every and like all like the rescue dog talks like
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: I can't they literally just put me into you already
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: state yeah.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Function, Like one.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Day we were in the kitchen and she just imagined
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: what the day would be like when Lester passes away,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: and she started sobbing in the kitchen and I'm like,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: he's three, right in front of him and he's fine.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: There was a time I called you and I was like,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I'm spiraling down, said don't talk.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: I need you to distract me to get you up.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. So funny. So that yeah, so that's
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: the hardest thing. Okay, So what has been the most
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: surprising or pleasantly surprising thing?
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: Okay, I always knew i'd love Rex, So I just
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: want to caveat the fa Like, the best thing is
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: the fact that I love this kid, Yes, the most
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: pleasantly surprised.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: The thing that is the thing that has pleasantly surprised me.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: The most is how deep my relationship with Patricia's got.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: It has deepened in a way that I never imagined.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: And I love him more than I would ever love
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: anyone ever, which I am.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: So shocked by.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I always loved him, but like the way
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: that he's stepped up as a partner, as a dad,
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: as a friend, as like, you know, the way he
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: interacts with my family, with my friends, like he would
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: do anything for anyone.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: That to me has been the most rewarding, exciting thing.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And I feel like having a kid gives you that
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: opportunity to see your partner in like a light that
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: you probably hadn't you know, had the opportunity for good
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and for that depending on who you know.
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: Literally, right, Oh my god, there's I've definitely heard some
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: horror stories from some friends. And I also I feel
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: like you become a bit judging when you become a parent.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: And I'm really trying not to go down this avenue
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: because each to their own, everyone has their own path
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: and journey.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: But I seriously see some dads and I'm.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Like, never knew that like yet, right literally, And I
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: feel like it's such a because even Lizzie was saying,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: like she's been to a few weddings where her friends
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: had kids before the wedding, She's like, it's actually quite
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: beautiful when they do it after because they're able to
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: talk about their partner as a parent and they've seen
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: them in a whole new light, and they've been able
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: to see aside of them that they wouldn't have even
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: known existed, you know, prior. So that's like the beauty
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: of the wedding after the kids. Yeah, but yeah, totally.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I feel like that would be make or break for me. Oh,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: make or break. If you're a shit dad, I'm like,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I can never shag you again. There's nothing unseexier than
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: someone being a dud dad.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: The dud dad that's like the biggest turn off with
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: babies is probably one of my favorite instagrams or hot
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: guys reading, by the way, that's also stunning.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: But when you see someone.
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: Who literally is just like the best parent, I swear,
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: it's a whole new level of turn right.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do you follow that Instagram page. It's called husband
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: PSA husband Public Service Announcement. It's this really hot black
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: guy and he's like got a like a black a
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: whiteboard and he like lectures other husbands on like how
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: to actually be a proper husband and father. He's so good,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: so hot, and I'm like, I'm obsessed with this page.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to send it to you.
• 25:51
  Speaker 6: And it's like, you are not giving your wife a
• 25:53
  Speaker 6: break you are parenting, yeah, that kind of stuff.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I know I feel like, yeah, but I
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like we're taking Hopefully I might
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: be naiven saying this because we're just surrounded by good
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: guys yeah, or like men that should be doing what
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: they're doing. But I feel like it's getting better and better.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Oh completely, I'd like to think, yeah, but I want
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: to kind of dive into some questions. This is a
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: good one. We kind of touched on it, but how
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: to maintain a friendship when you're in different life stages?
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: Okay, I think, well, I, yeah, obviously we've touched on
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: this a little bit, but I definitely think that it
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: obviously has to come from both sides.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: And they're like, there has to be a level.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: Of understanding from the person, you know, the friend who
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: hasn't had a baby, that things are different now and
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: that leniency kind of has to come a little bit
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: more naturally and like they might not be able to
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: be there to support you in the way that they
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: were before.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: But I also think that, you know, on.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: The flip side, the person who's just had the baby
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: also has to remember that there is life outside what's
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: going on.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: And like it is hard. Don't get me wrong.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: When you're in like those first few weeks of having
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: a newborn, there is.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Nothing else that it's just you and this baby. Yeah,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: and that's fine. You go into that bubble and you
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: stay there because it's the best fucking bubble you'll ever be.
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: Totally, but when you're ready to re emerge, your friends
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: will still be there. But remembering that, like you know,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: your friend might have got a promotion or might be
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: having a hard time or whatever, and if you can
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: even just like check in with them, that's going to
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: be really it's going to mean a lot to that person.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's and it has to like go both ways,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: but in different areas. Like I remember for the first
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: like two months, I was like, hey, do you want
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: to go for a walk here? Do you want to coffee?
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: Hey?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Yeay? And then you're like I feel so.
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: Bad because I'm never inviting you anywhere and you're always
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: and I'm like, hey, I'm just throwing that there is
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: a numbers game.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I just want to make sure.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: That you want to stick what staks.
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because I used to be like let's do this,
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: let's do this, and literally I felt like it was
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: so one sided.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm like I get it.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: Support changes and the dynamic change is just temporarily totally.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: It goes back and then it goes to go to
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: the gym. You want to do this? Yeah, and now
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: yeah it's bad, yeah, one hundred percent. But I think
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: it's that understanding of like if I was off that
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: mentality of nothing's changed, I'd be like, why shit not
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: inviting me out instead of being like she might have
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: so much on her plate, maybe a coffee would be
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: something nice right now, you know. And so it was
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: almost daily, but there was no expectation.
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: Definitely no, and it was like and it was really nice.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: And this is what I mean when I said everyone
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: stepped up was so supportive. I was going to say something,
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: but I've completely forgotten because that's what I do now,
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: Like I.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: Have like you always did that though, and now now
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: you've got now you've got something to buy me on.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like, mid sentence, I'm like, what was that word
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I was going to say?
• 28:26
  Speaker 6: Or like mid sentences like, oh my god, mercury isn't retrogan.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you've really thrown me off truck, now,
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I know. I did what I was talking about. You're like, sorry,
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: what are we saying? Yeah? Oh okay, remember now?
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: Okay, So whilst for the parents who or the person
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: who's just had a baby, your whole world has changed,
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: but your friends hasn't, Like your whole world has like
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: completely shifted, and just remembering that, like the world's still
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: turning outside your bubble. Yeah, I feel like that kind
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: of gave me a little bit more perspective and like
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: things greater than me, especially when.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: It was a tough day as well. Yeah.
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: But then on the flip side, knowing that your friend
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: who's just had a baby, her entire world has changed,
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: Her whole life has changed, her body's changed.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: There's not one part of.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Her that has not been impacted. Yeah, like everything, I
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: would say, hair, brain, skin, vagina, boobs. Can we talk
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: about his body? Like, how's your relationship with your body?
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: So, whilst I was pregnant, I would say, it's the
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: best relationship I've had with my body. I was really
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: really in love with the way that it like did
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: what it needed to do. It grew, it fostered and
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: grew this amazing baby, and like it blows my mind
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: that it just knows what to do, and I'd say
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: it's the like I actually looked at my body and
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: I was like, you're you're beautiful, Like this is amazing.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: There, which is incredible.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Every time I see a pregnant woman, I'm like, oh
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: my god, yeah, insane.
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: And I was never one to be like, hmm, I
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: love my body, but like, because everyone has their shit, right,
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: But when I was pregnant, I was like, this is
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: really amazing. I really loved it. Postpardon. I think there's
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: a lot of pressure on the woman to snap back
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: and oh my god, yeah, bounce, and I've fallen victim
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: to that one hundred percent. I've looked at myself.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I was fourteen days postpartum and I was like, why
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: do I still have a belly?
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: My Mum's like, what the fuck.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: It's like nine months. Your body has been exactly you know, yeah.
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: And everyone's body is so different. Like I'm still struggling
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: with the way that things are changing, Like because your
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: body when you're pregnant releases this thing called relax and
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: it's like this hormone that allows your organs to move, yeah,
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: and your hips to widen and basically to make room
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: for this baby.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Flexible than me. Yeah, and amazing, but.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: It stays in your body and also makes all your
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: allows your muscles to relax as well. So yeah, I'm
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: a little bit soft than I used to be, and
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: I like have kind of been into two minds about that,
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, oh, fuck, my legs are'm as tine
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: as I used to be.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: But then I'm like, can you just like take a
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: chill pill?
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I try and remind myself all the time that, like,
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: I'm still breastfeeding, I'm still recovering from a nine month journey.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah that's okay.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: So there's but also not only a nine month journey
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: plus the birth, you know, so it's like, you know,
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: undergone major surgery. Yeah, yeah, abdominal surgery. And I'm actually
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: my tummy is a bit flabby, Like.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: You literally have just given birth through your stomach.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you just birth human work on your course ry,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I know. And this is something that I like I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: would Okay, I want to talk to you about this
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: because I like we're saying everyone's got their different journey,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: everyone's on a different journey. One thing that I find like,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: because because I'm not a mother, haven't gone through that
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: at all. You know, when someone does bounce back and
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: they you know, even just share oh how I'm going whatever,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: And then a lot of people are like.
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: You're setting unrealistic standards. You're this, You're that.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I kind of feel like, unless you're framing
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: it to be like this is the standard, does that
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: still affect you or are you able to be like, oh,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: this person's just their genetics are fucking set up to
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: have them just you know, i'd say you I really
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: both Like there's a part of me that's like, oh, fuck,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: she looks amaze, like good for her, like love that,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: like fucking slay mum. Like the fact that you can
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: wear jeans after two weeks is fucking goals. Yeah, And
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: then I'm like, should I be in jeans? Do I
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: need to buy bigger jee? It's almost hard not to.
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: It's really hard not to compare yourself because that's human instinct, right,
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: You naturally compare yourself, especially to.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Things that you would desire.
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: And yeah, and you're and you're currently experiencing and like,
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: I think if you can just pull yourself up on
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: it and be like, don't do that, like just like
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: shut it out. But like any other you know, experience
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: in life where you're kind of like experiencing it, wanting it, whatever.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: If you can just like be a little bit more
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: self disciplined and like just like you know, run your
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: own raise and like be gentle with yourself and that's okay,
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: like that kind of I don't know where I was
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: going with that.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also feel like we set like you know,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: you could have a certain goal of how you want
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: to feel or how you whatever it is. Yeah, but
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: sometimes like yes, okay, some people it happens really quickly.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: But sometimes like if you were to be like, Okay,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: now I'm able to go to the gym, Now I
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: couldn't do that a month ago exactly, you know, like
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: now I'm able to do It's like like I can
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: hold a weak for thirty seconds. Yeah, the pressure we
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: put on ourselves off like it's got to happen now,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: but like one day after another, one foot in front
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: of the other, like time's going to pass anyway, and
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: now you can already look back and be like I
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: feel already stronger. I feel like, yeah, I'm just myself.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: This is most so it's my main goal because I
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: had the weakest, weakest course strength.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: Literally you'd like knock my shoulder and be like the
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: most pathetic core strength you've ever seen in your life.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: My goal, I said to alexis like back when I
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: was recovering, I was like, my main goal is just
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: to get some really strong core strength just for myself
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: so that I can come back stronger this time.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it wasn't so much around like.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: I want to get toned, I want to get like
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: like fit whatever, Like obviously I want to be healthy,
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: but like being able to like his little thing just
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: to like have really strong core strength that I didn't
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: have before.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: To me is you win, Yeah, massively, massively And that's something.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: And this is another thing when it comes to like
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: goals and whatever. Going on a bit of a tangent,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: but I think it's so helpful to remember. It's like,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: especially like this is a prime example, Like you've had
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: a kid. It's very easy for a lot of people
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: to slip into and I'm sure that if I ever
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: have a kid, you know, it would happen to most people,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I would think. But it's easy to slip into that. Okay,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: the look fitting into this fitting. So it's like if
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: you almost can turn your goals around instead of being
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: like I've got it, it's almost like it's almost a
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: negative goal in the sense of like, I don't like this,
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: so I need to change it. So instead of that
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: turning it around to being like, what are these wins
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: that I can work towards that are almost like you
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: didn't have great core strength, but even before you were pregnant,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: that's something you talk about all the time. Yeah, you're like, oh,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: but you know my call strength. It's something I'm going
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: to work on my course, you know, yes, before you
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: were even a day pregnant.
• 34:44
  Speaker 6: So it's like that's a really good goal to have
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: because you're.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Like, this is a goal that would be important to
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: me regardless of anything. And when you start to see
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: these wins like I can now hold a thirty second plank. Okay,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: great in the past, it could be longer, but you know,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: and by the end of the year, what's that going
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: to look like? And what's that And it ends up
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: being this really fulfilling goal that you're earning that's not
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: attached to something that maybe doesn't make you feel good.
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: Even just especially postpartum, even being able to get up
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: and go for a walk around the block is a win,
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: like the smallest bit of movement, the smallest thing that
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: you can do to help start those building blocks.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Yees, a massive, massive win, massive win. Okay, this question
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: is elite. Okay, hilev. How did you meet your partner?
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: How old were you? And did your relationship move pretty quickly?
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: So it's just split over a few things. I am
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: thirty single and dream of settling down. Uncomfortable with my
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: time frames. I remember previous to you fucking mind episode
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: where you came on and you were super single, so
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I was just interested. I'm very happy for you. This
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: is great. I'm excited about these timelines. So let's talk
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: about the time. And this is what I love about it.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: You never know what's around the corner. So, oh my god, no,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: so Patrician, I've been together for two years and.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: With child, with child, and I've had a baby.
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: I love this question because I feel like this is
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: literally a modern day romance, isn't it.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so super single live. Yes, we love her so much,
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: miss I love you. I was literally in my fut
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: girl era. I was having the best time. I was
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: literally shagging, dating, kissing whatever, anyone, everyone having the best time.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Having the best time having at the Live Summer. Oh
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: my god, so many duds and live laugh love Summer, laughing,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: loving my way through Sydney. Ye good. Yeah.
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: I think I got to a point where I was
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: like I need to take a chill pill. And I
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: went off for nine months and I didn't think it
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: would be nine months. I was like, I'm just gonna
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: like take time for myself, and it was at that
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: time it was three months. I like had a three
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: month goal and it naturally just went to nine months.
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: And I didn't kiss anyone, didn't date anyone, didn't chat
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: to anyone.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I was doing nothing.
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: And then I downloaded Hinge one Australia Day and I
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: was like, I'm going to.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Fuck someone like I am down. I was like I'm down.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: I'm like Keene. So I matched with Patricia and I
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: he was like, I live in Cuji. So I was like, guys,
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: we're going to Kujie for Australia Day. I was like everyone,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I was like Releigh.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: Then we were chatting. He goes, I'm in Bonda. I
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: was like, everyone, get your shit.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Bonder like I'm going to get late.
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: I was like one hundred percent convinced and he was
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: like good looking guy, he was nice, he had good
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: chat and I was like I like this. I like
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: where this is going. So we went to meet a
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: couple of friends in Bondai. He was like, I'm at
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: a house party. Should I stop by? I was like yes, absolutely,
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: And he turned up to the pub and I really
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: like this. He turned up with two girlfriends, so I
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: was like, this is a call flex for him.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, a strong energy.
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I really liked that. Met like a lot of
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: our little Bondi crew, which was really cool. They all
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: kind of liked him. We stayed around for a few
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: drinks and literally it got to about ten thirty and
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: I was like, we're going home to my home and
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: now right now you will meet my dog and we yeah,
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: you will come meet Leicster. We will have a great time.
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: And we literally hooked up that night, like had sex
• 38:23
  Speaker 4: and it was fantastic love.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: That's so much well done, Patrico grat.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: And it has literally been I've been with him ever since. Yeah.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Well well, well no, this is what I love about
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: this story as well, because I think it's important to
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: note that. Well, and then it got on a little detO. Yeah.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: The next day you then came over and we went out.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: We were on the boat on a three day date.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I think following weekend, yeah, yeah, I might have been
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: the following weekend.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and he basically came.
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: It was a long weekend for whatever reason. No, it's
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: because it was australiader so it was that maybe it
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: was that weekend. Yeah, and then we've watched like if
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: the timelines are looking really conds were tight, but but
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: there was like a good five months before you became
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: official because you were like, I really enjoy your company,
• 39:10
  Speaker 4: but am I ending this? And I feel like a
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: lot of people either are that or are on the
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: receiving end of trying to date someone like that. And
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: it's like and I'm normally like just retrieve energy, abought bail,
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: you know, you know, because if you're that in love,
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: and at one point you were like, I don't want
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: to string him along, especially if I don't know what
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: I'm doing, so maybe I should.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: Just like I just ended my cards on the table. Yeah.
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: We've been away for Easter and long weekend, so this
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: so it's gone from January to like I think East
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: was in March this yeah, Yeah, and we went away
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: for the long weekend because I was like, you're great,
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: We're fine, let's go away for the weekend. So we did,
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: and then you're driving back to Sydney. I was like,
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: just so you know, this is where i'm at. I'm like,
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: I'm still really open. I'm not looking to settle down.
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: I am open to seeing other people. I'm cool if
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: you do too. This is where i'm at. Yeah, and
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: he was like, I'm okay with that, and the next
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: day he goes, I'm actually not, so I've got step away.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: He goes, I actually like you a lot more than
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: I think, and I don't really like that, so I'm
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: going to remove myself And I was like respect, Yeah,
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: like those are your.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Boundaries one hundred percent. And then I think that lasted
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: two weeks, but yeah it did. It was like just
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: a couple of weeks. And then I think we got back,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: we got back together, we started seeing he started seeing
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: each other again, and I think that's when it became
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: a little bit more like, okay is this And even
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: then you were still like just I miss his company,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: but nothing's changed in this and that, and then like
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: it got to a point where it was July because
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: I was away. Yeah, I was in Europe and you're like,
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: where afecial and we're like what.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: We went to dinner.
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: We went so Tuesday with like our friend Luke, and
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: I said to him, I was like, I'm gonna let
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: Patrician know, g be my boyfriend tonight.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: And Luke started crying at.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: The Luke loved like a strategic weekly cry. So He's like,
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: I've banged up all these tears for this moment. But yeah,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: and then so that was July two years ago, yeah, one.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: And the funny thing is like, so you went into
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: dating him like you were into him, but it wasn't
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: like this like butterflies, Oh my god. It was a
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: really it was like a slow burn. But then just
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: a couple of months in you were so in love
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is one of those like slow
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: burn things that actually, you know. That's why I'm always like,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: just don't judge how you feel in the first.
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: Few dates exactly. And I think there's a lot of
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: expectation around like butterflies and tummy flipping and funny flutters and.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: All this stuff, and like, yeah, like I definitely had.
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: Like fanny flotters and like a few but I wasn't
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: like the highs and lows of like, ah, we aren't
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: we this that I was just like it was very
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: very secure and lovely and nice and never questioned where
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: his head was at. No, it was always a very
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: open dialogue between us always so.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: So that was July two years ago. Then about a
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: year later, you went on a euro trip together. Yes,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: and you were more in love than ever. You're like,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: I just love traveling. Had such a beautiful romantic time.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: It was just never been to Europe, even more special
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: because then like they're so in awe and it's like
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: so fun. I can almost like experience it again for
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: the time three eyes, Yeah, I think, yeah.
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: And we were like, should we just like stop being
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: so careful and see what happens?
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: Which I bold fucking conversation of dating somewhere for one year. Okay,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: but let's talk age. Let's talk age, because yeah, two
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: years ago you're one year younger than me. So two
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: years ago you were thirty two. Yeah, so you met
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: him just before you turn thirty two?
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: No?
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: No, yeah, wait, so he came to It was Louise
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: and I and our other girlfriend and I have the
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: same birthday. Louis and I had a joint birthday was
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: her thirtieth, It must have been my thirty second, yes,
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: as he was there, yes, And then October of that year,
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: so that was in March. October of that year he
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: moved in. Then we moved into a new place together
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: in February. So then I turned thirty three, felt pregnant yep, yep,
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: And now I'm thirty four, and.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Now you're thirty four. So thirty two or thirty end
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: of thirty one started, thirty two was when you met.
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: Yep, that's right, and now thirty four you're thirty four.
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: Weld child, Yeah, literally, so it abe. It happens real quick.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: So as far as timelines, this is what I love
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: about it. Like it's just like bang bang bang bang
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: bang and irone and I have been together for four years.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: No sounds charged, do you know what I mean? This
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: is what I mean about time. You can look at
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: like you just could be anything, and it could be anything,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: and it could accelerate really quickly or not. You can
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: take your time or you can be like, you know,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: I've got a friend who was kind of seeing someone
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: and then fell pregnant and then it was like, yeah,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: we're going to keep this thing and now they're married
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: with two children, living in New Zealand, like absolutely thriving,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: obsessed with each other.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: You could have a one night stand and then be
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: a mother.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: That's what happened to my friend. Yet exactly that's it.
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: So I think it's good to hear everyone's timelines in
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: terms of like expansion and be like, okay, cool that
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: you need to know it could.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: Happen that quickly is great.
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: But like everyone, the universe is going to serve you
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: whatever it is that you're ready for, yeah, or like
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: whatever is meant to be. I feel yeah, so yeah,
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: Hope's not lost.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: What is she's thirty thirty?
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah baby, yeah yeah. Still I met Tyrone at thirty one,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: you were thirty two, you know, like, I feel like
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: this is where it's that guy.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: I love.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Dirt is where I fucking love My thought is my
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: My mum always warned me about how good it was
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: going to be. And I've felt so fucking old. When
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: I was leaving Red Bull, I'm like I'm done, I'm
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: done nothing. I'm like twenty seven. I was like life
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: is done, life is over, so dramatic, and I feel
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: younger now than at twenty four. Oh, you know, definitely,
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: I love it, which is wild. He's a great question.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: My partner and I are wanting kids soon. How do
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: you know that you're truly ready and not just clucky? Babe?
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I still don't know. I still don't even know if
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I'm ready, Like there is no way. I feel like
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: everyone's like you're never ready.
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: Never, there's never a right time. I couldn't agree. More like,
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: if I kept waiting for the right time, I'd probably
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: still not have Rex.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: I think you've just got to go with your guard.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Like, if you feel like you love that person and
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: you can see yourselves being a great team together, and
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: you know you're gonna be tied to this person forever
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: and you love that person enough to like have a
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: baby with them, just go for it, totally. What do
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: you and I think? Like, also, do you feel like
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: genuinely you can be supported enough not just with your
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: partner but in your life? Yeah, that it's like, yeah,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: if i feel like I've got a good yeah, you know,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I mean this is for me personally, and I'm not
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: saying that someone And if you're not supported, don't have
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: a child, not at all. Because other people you know,
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: but because I'm so like, I don't know, but for me,
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I just look at like my network and I'm like,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: regardless of how hard it's going to be, I know
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: i'd be very well supported. So it's a huge chapter.
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like it's a massive thing to consider, and also
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: like your whole life will change, like we know that.
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: But I think the thing if speaking personally, the reason
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: we decided to like be a bit looser around contraception.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: While I say contraception, we were literally pulling out.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we won't even like rapping it up. Yeah, yeah,
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: just like on raw dogging and just pulling out. Was
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: that I was like, look, I'm thirty three.
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: If I need help or support until wise, yeah, I'd
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: rather know sooner rather than later. And that was just
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: my personal opinion on the matter or like where I was.
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: And thankfully we didn't need any help obviously.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Obviously like one week later later pregnant. But I don't
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: know if that helps with anything.
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: But I always kind of like, especially being thirty in
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: your thirties, I know there's a certain stigma around like
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: fertility and this and that and making sure that you
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: know everything's kind of like your pipes are all good
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: down there or whatever. Yeah, So that for me was
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: where I was at and like knick or going down
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: the road of like egg freezing, like was was doing
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: one or the other, which a lot of our girlfriends
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: are doing now.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: And a lot of our girlfriends are either doing it.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: I was young about it, Yeah yeah, and they're really
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah, Like you will never be ready and even
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: after the baby comes, you will still not be ready.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you'll ever be
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: ready for something that's as big and b something that
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: you've got no first hand experience in, like you just
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: got to roll with it and the like.
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: There's nothing more daunting than the idea of giving birth
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: when you've never done it before.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: Because you're like, do what terrifies me? Like, yeah, birth,
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: all of that. Yeah, but like taking a baby home,
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck am I doing with this
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: creature that I have no qualifications on and I've just
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: allowed to take it? What do you mean? I'm allowed
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: with no license, no certificate, And I'm like, oh, walking
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: home with this like lump into my home. I literally
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: we've said this, I've said this to you before. Though
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: you need a license to drive, you need a certificate
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: or whatever qualifation just of alcohol. But you can have
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: a baby and take it home and raise without any
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: kind of like vetting process.
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: They're like, okay, good luck, goodbye. I'll say, is anyone
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: who's gonna have a baby. The midwives at the hospital
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: are the best things on earth, Like they're doing no everything.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: I literally cried when I left. They are the most
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: amazing people. So you're supporting that. My god, I literally
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: cried on the way and I was like bye bye,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: and then I felt that, like, there's that crying lady.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: She's fine.
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, I formed the most unhealthy attachments to
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: my obi and my midwife. I literally cand of wait
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: to get pregnant and see I feel.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: Like a big reunion. I remember how much she cried
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: during the pregnancy, but for nothing major. Like you'd be like,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like how are you? And I'm like, oh my god,
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: are you okay? You're like I'm actually fine. I'm actually fine.
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: I'm just really emotional cry for no reason. I still
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: cry for no reason. The hormones are fucked.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like like your mom's like she was she stayed
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: over for a month when you first gave birth, and
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: she was leaving. She still had another two weeks and
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: she was just going to stay in the air and
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: they're like one block away and she's like, anyway, bye,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: I'll see you like tomorrow in the morning. See in
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: the morning, She's like bye, and you're like and then
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: you're like sobbing as she's walked out to the door,
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, is she not coming,
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: like what you're leaving tomorrow And You're like, no, no, she's
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: still he for it. Like I just feel so supported.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I get that though, like yeah, especially having a mom
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: there fuck like oh my yeah, yeah quite, because I
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: was like so happy. Okay, he's a great question. Has
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: live experienced parental judgment from other people, and if so,
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: how to navigate it.
• 49:12
  Speaker 4: I have never received so much unsolicited advice from strangers
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: on the street. I had a man stop me to
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: tell me to put socks on rex. What it was
• 49:24
  Speaker 4: twenty seven degrees?
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: Also no, Also I'm fine, he's fine, he.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: Swear to you.
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: So the judgment, yes, I feel like everyone's got a
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: thought about how things should be done with this breastfed,
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: bottle fed.
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: This that solid blah blah whatever.
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: Not from my own friends, from strangers, strangers from randoms,
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: or from like people like. And the thing is, I
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: genuinely think that people are trying.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: To be helpful. Yeah a lot of the time. But
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: the thing is it's not helpful totally.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: And the way that I've dealt with it is just
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: being like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: Because the thing is that people automatically think that their
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: way is the best way, because if they didn't think
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: it was the best way, they wouldn't be doing it
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: that way exactly. So they do believe they're contributing something
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: to you. They're like, yeah, I'm going to give you
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: a fucking nugget here. Oh yeah, and people are like shit, yeah.
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: And I've even had a girlfriend, actually this was from
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: a girlfriend when I felt told her. I told her
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: I was pregnant. She was like, are you taking your prenatals.
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I'm taking this one. She's like, oh,
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: don't take that one, take this one. And I was like, okay,
• 50:24
  Speaker 4: I'm not changing my prenatals. Yeah, Like I'm fine, I'm
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: good with what I want. Yeah, And it's all the same.
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: And then she even goes, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: I just did what everyone hates and she pulled herself
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: up on Ah.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, But that's what I mean is people are
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: trying to help.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: They think they're being helpful, but do you know what though,
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: I know that a lot of people struggle with even
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: judgment from their own parents of like how to do things.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: My mum has been the most unbelievable hands on, hands off,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: keep hands on, hands off, typer mother. Where she's like,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, do you think this? She's like, I
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: don't know, you do whatever you want. I was like,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: what would you do? And then she'll tell me when
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: I ask her yes, And she's been like I would say,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: she's like the best mum. That's so great, amazing the
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: times that I've been over and she's that like she's
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: fucking love her so much. I know there's a girl
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: who has a little girl and Rex and her like
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: literally two weeks apart, and her mom is.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: Like, don't do this, don't do that, don't bring her there.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: She's she's tired, she's hungry.
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I would just I would explode if I
• 51:25
  Speaker 4: had someone like that's just too much. There's nothing more
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: irritating than someone telling you that your baby's hungry when
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: you know that they're not.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's like I know their cries, I know
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: when they've eaten, I know or fed, like I know
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: all the things. Okay, so I've got let's do three
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: more questions. So this is not specifically related to babies,
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: but it is what would your advice be on how
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: to keep a strong connection over a distance with the
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: friends like one point five hour drive for three years.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: My friend just moved away for three years. She's my
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: twin flame. That makes me sad because do you know
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: what I get? Like real separation anxiety when like we
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: leave each other. I know, we go away, and the
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: thing is like when we like the funny thing is
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: like when we leave each other, we don't really speak
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: every day, no, but we'll like send each other random
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: memes and we'll send each other ship or we'll text.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: But it's not like a daily conversation thing because normally
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: when we're away this would be different. In this case,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: it's because it's like and a few Christmas, so it's
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: you're you've got a lot on I've got all if
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: we're overseas, like if you've gone on your eurotrip on me,
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: and then again, you're like on holidays, it's a different mode.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: If we were to move away, that might look different.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: But yeah, we definitely get a bit of separation one
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: hundred percent. So the person that stays when the other
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: one goes, it's.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: Like, I'm like, what are you coming back?
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: And our routine it's not the God I know.
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: And she went to Europe twice this year and I
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: was like you, but I think if someone's moving away,
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: I think.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: You've got on.
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: Like you've got to kind of accept the fact that
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: your relationship is going to change in some way, like
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: that kind of spontaneous like coffees or walks or whatever
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: you do together, that kind of level of connection is
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: obviously not going to be what it was. So I
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: oh god, I don't know. It's the hardest thing, Like
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: especially it feels like not a breakup, but like that yeah, level.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: Of intimacy kind of totally and that and that proximity
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: where it's so spontaneous, Like even when like Grace was
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: living in Sydney, because she was in Manly, we didn't
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: have that spontaneity with her. We probably you know, and
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: it would have to be so organized and so planned,
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: and it's just like there's something so different and quite
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: special about having that proximity. But it's not to say that.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: So for example, I've got you know how I moved
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: to la and I was living with Carly. She's been
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: on the podcast as well, and we just fucking hit
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: it off like a house on piant. Now we we
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: like we messaged here and there, send each other shed
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: all the time, or comment on each other stories whatever,
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: But we probably have a phone call probably twice a year. Yeah,
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: like it's not much, but when she's in Sydney or
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: when I've gone, it is like instant, instant, it's like nothing.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: You never left each other. Oh yeah, So I think
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: you've got to look at it as you determine how
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: often you're actually communicating with each other and is it
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: going to be phone calls and whatever. You also want
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: to give your your friend a bit of a grace
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: period to settle into her new life. You might feel
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: a bit unloved because a she's the one that's left you,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: so you're feeling the void. Whereas for her, it sounds
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: like she's going to study because it's three years, but
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know Whereas her, it might be this quite
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: an exciting adventure of for like everything's new, new home, new,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: whatever it is that she's doing with her life, new you.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: So you've got to be like, as painful as this is,
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: I've got to realize that she's just not going to
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: miss me as much initially because there's just so much
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: going on. That always happens with the person that leaves completely.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing to just remind yourself off, even
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: when it's really hard and you feel unloved, it's not.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: That's not what's happening. And then another thing is again
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: remind yourself, this is a season. It's a season. If
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: I can find a way to nurture this even if
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: it's not as tight, then when we get back together,
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: we can pick up where we left off. That's literally
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: my favorite saying at the moment is it is it's
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: a season to say that I've got his like breastfeeding
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: and this is a season. Hang on.
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: But I think something that really helps, especially with like longer,
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: longer distance relationships or whatever, is having something to.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Look forward to. So knowing when you're gonna see each
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: other or speak to each other or whatever, it's like
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: having that next kind of like pinpoint yeap, so that
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: you know that you've got like a next check in
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: or whatever. Totally, like, yeah, I treated it as a relationship,
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: like a romantic Look at our relationship with Lucy for example,
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: Lucy and Nikki, Like I talked to Lucy on the phone,
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: and we normally speak in the mornings, like we'll be
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: on her way back from the gym or whatever. Like,
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: so we speak probably, let's say, two mornings a week.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: Off lately it's been more so, but roughly two sometimes
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: three mornings a week, and sometimes it's very quick because like, oh, babe,
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I gotta go. I'll call you back, and then she
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: never calls me back and I'm not sitting here like,
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: oh my god, you never no, But then we see
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: her probably at least once a month, yeah, at least exactly,
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's like it's a long distance friendship,
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: but we probably will likely never live in the same city,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: you know, unless you move, unless immediately. But but that
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: doesn't impact the friendship at all. So there are ways,
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: there are definitely ways of you know.
• 56:17
  Speaker 4: Completely, it just takes effort. It's like, just takes effort
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: on both ends as all it does.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: Doll al right, Second last question live, how do you
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: go about being present at events without your baby? For example,
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: when you're at Luke's wedding.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, Okay, So I'm like, I have a
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: lot to say about this. I built up to this.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: So Luke's wedding I actually felt I felt okay, I
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: felt really okay.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: But it was because I'd.
• 56:47
  Speaker 4: Done a few stints here and there away from him,
• 56:50
  Speaker 4: mind you saying at Luke's barks, I it hit the
• 56:53
  Speaker 4: six hour mark and I literally spiled into anxiety and I.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: Was like, oh, I'm so stressed.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: Like I'm like, do you want to drink a shot? What?
• 56:59
  Speaker 4: I was like, let's distract her. Everyone was so amazing
• 57:02
  Speaker 4: and supportive. Actually, one of our friends changed, like literally.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: It's like a professional dancer. He's like destruction, distruction, and
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: they were amazing.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: Mind you.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: Rex was fine, he was absolutely fine.
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: He was probably asleep.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: By then, Loving life. Yeah. But I worked up to it.
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: So at Luke's wedding, I missed him a lot, and
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: I thought about him, especially when I was like pumping
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: at a table full of.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: That breast barely fit into your tiny hand.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: But I know, and mind you, I just let you
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: know that Alexis all tried my breast milk.
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: I shot her breast milk. It was sweet and thinner
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: than milk. Yeah, literally, yeah, but fine, it's like our
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: own version of have actually touched lickture eyeball, we like this,
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: like so, yeah, I had your breast milk, yeah, which
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: was amazing. Yeah, that's intimacy.
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: So I went okay. And then actually next weekend we're
• 57:54
  Speaker 4: going away for an engagement and it's my first night away.
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: Like full night away. So you built basically, I've been building,
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: building up to it. And also I feel like when
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: he's with your mum, you'll probably have this other layer
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: of like, oh it's mum, you know, like he's got
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: such a great relationship exactly. And also my mum's a nurse,
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: so I've got like.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: This extra.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: So convenient, I know. But leaving him with someone else,
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: I think you'll take a little bit more. But yeah, small.
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: I've left him with like Luke and Austin before for
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: an hour or two and they've been fantastic. But I
• 58:23
  Speaker 4: would just say, work up to a babe. It's not easy, yeah,
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: just slowly, yeah, honestly.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then for Alexis, do you feel like, well,
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: this is for both of us. Really, do you feel
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: like your friendship with Live has changed after she's become
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: a mum? No? No, I actually don't. And I do
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: think that the fact that you chose not to move
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: to the Gold Coast helps in the regard of like
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: even in deep See, this is why routine is so important,
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: because even in like massive life changes, when we've maintained
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: like our morning coffees. Now we're going to the gym
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: again together, we get like tonight we're going out for
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: dinner with the Circle of Love girls like just that,
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: I think give and the conversations have they changed? Absolutely.
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: We're talking about babies way more. We're talking about it
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: stuff we want to talk about. You know, it's a
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: huge not just for you, but it's a huge event
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: for us as well. You've had a baby, Like, it's
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: so exciting for like all of us. We love it.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: So Yes, Okay, the topic of conversations changed, as it
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: does when anyone has a big life change, you know
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Just like when one of us, if
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: one of us ever goes through a breakup, we're talking
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: about the breakup. I think a lot of people will
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: complain or be like, oh, but now everything's baby talk.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: Everything this or everything is that. But isn't that the
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: case with any major life change. It's like kind of
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: where the conversation steers. And also, yeah, we talk a
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: lot about babies, but you aren't someone that's like I
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: only talk like we talk about every everything you know,
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: and you're interested in all topics. Yeah you're not, like,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: way back to talking about my baby, like you're not,
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: and like.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: Tell me what's going on in the outfit exactly exactly.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: So we're like, tell me about racks and you're like,
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: tell me about it. So it's so good. So yeah,
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: it absolutely has not changed our friendship whatsoever even deeper.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: And as someone I think I've said this to you before,
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: but there is nothing more heartwarming and special than seeing
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: your friends hold your baby. Nothing will prepare you for it,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: nothing will ever stuck up to it. It is the
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: most amazing feeling, especially when they're so loving and kind
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: and gentle and amazing and like, you know, interactive with you. Yeah,
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: maybe it's the best feeling on earth. And we just, yeah,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: we fucking love having him and our little crew or
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: our big crew, and I like, listen, I might not
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: be the most maternal person. But Rex smiles at me,
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: probably must as far as non family. Oh yeah, he.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: Fucking's a big smiley boy for aunt here.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: He loves me, he does. I'm staring at him right
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: now and he's like staring at like the roadcaster, like
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: what is this robot with Lance? Baby? But yeah, it's
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: definitely deep in the friendship, I would say, And for
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: anyone of that, like you know where the relationship changes
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: for you know, in a negative way, baby, Maybe they're
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: just not the right.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: People or whatever. Like the ones that fall away, like
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: your relationships definitely do change. Not all of them can
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: change for the better, but the ones that drop off
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: are the ones that aren't serving you anymore, especially in
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: this Yes, And I feel like if it's dropped off,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: it's because one of the two did not manage the
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: expectations of the friendship properly, in the sense of like
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 4: maybe you're expecting too much of the other one.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Whether it's whether it's the mum being like it's as
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: big a life change for you as it is for
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: me and you've got to do everything, or the other
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: way around, being like, well you haven't been there for me,
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: but they've just gone through a huge, huge life change,
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: and you know, I feel like one thing that will
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: really serve you with any friendship in any major change
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: is like I have to find a way to put
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: myself in their shoes and really manage my expectations during
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: your favorite word this season, you know, during this change,
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: like that shit's you know, And I feel like if
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: you can do that, it allows for so much like
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: wiggle room and space and growth. Like I've got friends
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: like Carlie. Like I said, when we're just not physically together,
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: we're not great communicators. If I was to be like,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: oh my god, but we're both kind of yeah, it's great,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: you know, the same with you could apply that to
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: anything literally, you know, I agree. Oh my god, this
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: is the episode. I feel like we've gone over the
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: hour mark. So I'm gonna we're gonna have to wrap
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: it up eventually because then it just turns into one
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: of our just coffee sessions. We'll just come back. I'll
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: come back again and again. She'll be back obviously, but
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for coming here. With Reggie. His
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: name's Rex, but with Rex is technically short for Reginald
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: after you named him, so it is Reggie boy, Reggie boy,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: thanks for having us.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: We love you so much.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: Thanks for loving him as.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Much as I do. Oh my god, I do. Oh
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: he's like reaching for the microphone I got. Guys, thanks
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: for tuning in. Love you so much. Thanks for sending
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: in questions. I probably didn't get through, not even half
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: because we're both so excited, but that's okay. As always, remember,
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: be kind to yourself, be counting your brain. Don't take
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: Don't.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: Most people learn a lot more from their losses than
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: their wins. Why because if you are always winning, you
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: are not exactly sure what the formula for success really is.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: You never had the chance to correct, edit, redo, and
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: study your own behavior until you're able to change an outcome.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: And if you always feared losing, then you will always
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: avoid taking bigger risks because you don't know how to
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: cope with the failure or the loss. A lot of
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: people ask me about accountability buddies, which is the idea
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: of sharing a goal or a commitment with someone else
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: who's on board to keep you motivated and on track.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: Where do I stand on this personally? I think Accountability
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: buddies are the icing on the cake. They can make
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: goals a bit easier to achieve and find along the way. However,
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: these buddies should not be solely responsible for getting you
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: to take action. Make sure if you have one, you
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: are not leaning on them for everything, expecting them to
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: do more work than you do, or blaming them for
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: not doing enough to motivate you. And when it comes
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: to your romantic partner, think very carefully about getting them
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: to be an accountability buddy. This works for some people,
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: but when one slips up, it can be easy to
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: blame them for not getting you up early, or for
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: offering you a piece of cake late at night when
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: you promised you would both quit sugar. You begin to
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: get annoyed and resent your partner for not living up
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: to the expectations you had placed on them, and this
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: can cause unnecessary tension. At the end of the day,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: the buck must stop with you, and the longer you
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: use accountability buddies or anyone else as a crutch for
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: why you have not succeeded, the longer you will feel powerless,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: when in reality, you hold much more power than you
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: give yourself credit for. If you put your own personal
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: growth in the hands of someone else, then you will
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: never feel in control of the trajectory of your life.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: If you make a commitment with someone to embark on
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: a challenge together and they slack off or give up,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: it is not your cue to do the same, and
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: it is not productive to blame them for not helping you.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: If the help is there, take it, but do not
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: rely on others to transform your life and your relationship
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: with yourself. Everyone is on their own journey dealing with
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: their own shit. Make sure you don't relinquish the power
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: you have to change your situation because someone broke a promise.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: You are your own accountability buddy first and foremost.