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Transcript

An Unlikely Affair: Are You a Bad Person... or Did You Do a Bad Thing? · Untraditionally Lala

0:01
Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hilelah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair.
0:08
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.
0:11
Speaker 2: I'm here with I don't even know what to say.
0:15
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
0:15
Speaker 2: I'm looking at you. You look beautiful, though, Hella Kent, good morning,
0:20
Speaker 2: Good morning morning.
0:21
Speaker 1: Do not even act like we didn't just get on
0:24
Speaker 1: this zoom and you go. Are you in the same
0:26
Speaker 1: outfit from the airport? You are okay? But it give
0:30
Speaker 1: me a chance to explain very quickly, because I'm not
0:33
Speaker 1: a sick fuck I promise you.
0:35
Speaker 2: The floor is yours.
0:35
Speaker 1: Go ahead. Ocean constantly battles me when it comes to
0:40
Speaker 1: getting dressed in the morning, and all she ever wants
0:42
Speaker 1: to wear is a plaid skirt and a striped tank
0:46
Speaker 1: top with a headband, and I'm so over it and
0:48
Speaker 1: I'm like, it cannot happen again today. So in the
0:53
Speaker 1: midst of battling her, the clock keeps getting closer and
0:57
Speaker 1: closer to you need to leave the fucking house to
1:00
Speaker 1: beat traffic to get to the school. I get her
1:03
Speaker 1: hair done. We have no time left. I grabbed the
1:08
Speaker 1: first thing I saw, which was this outfit in the
1:11
Speaker 1: dirty clothes and put it on, and I will be
1:13
Speaker 1: changing after this and bathing. I promise you know who
1:17
Speaker 1: I am. I'm not a filthy fuck, but today it's survival.
1:22
Speaker 2: Now, you know what. I know you're not a filthy
1:23
Speaker 2: fuck because let me tell you something. You love taking
1:26
Speaker 2: bass like I do.
1:28
Speaker 1: I know, I know well. And the thing about baths
1:32
Speaker 1: amber is a lot of people are weird about them,
1:34
Speaker 1: but I feel like I bathed so often that it's fine.
1:39
Speaker 1: It's fine, you know, no, I.
1:41
Speaker 2: Love I love bass. You can't. This house in Montana
1:44
Speaker 2: doesn't have a bathtub. Actually, I've noticed a lot of
1:48
Speaker 2: houses in Montana they don't have bathtubs, and it is
1:51
Speaker 2: so it's like the number one rule. And I didn't
1:55
Speaker 2: even think about it. I was so desperate to find
1:57
Speaker 2: a house because I had looked everywhere, and it just
1:59
Speaker 2: so happened that this one has a shower bath and
2:02
Speaker 2: that grosses me out so badly. So that means that
2:06
Speaker 2: I would have to, like I would have to like
2:07
Speaker 2: clean it, and it's like a whole thing. So like
2:10
Speaker 2: going to Vegas and having a bath and then like
2:13
Speaker 2: going to others, it's like a real treat.
2:15
Speaker 1: So yeah, I did miss you a lot. Last night.
2:17
Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep.
2:18
Speaker 2: Really, I missed you too. Yeah.
2:22
Speaker 1: I went down and got Ocean out of her bed
2:24
Speaker 1: and put her in mine.
2:25
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I told Riley she was getting she
2:29
Speaker 2: was brushing her teeth, and I said, you're sleeping with
2:30
Speaker 2: me tonight, and London was like, geeze, mom, and I said,
2:34
Speaker 2: Riley goes, it's non negotiable. I'm not even going to
2:36
Speaker 2: fight it. I literally made Riley sleep with me. And
2:40
Speaker 2: I think I just needed that. I didn't want to
2:43
Speaker 2: sleep on myself. I didn't want to sleep on myself.
2:45
Speaker 1: I didn't either. I kept waking up with a pit
2:47
Speaker 1: in my stomach for some weird reason, and then looking
2:50
Speaker 1: at her and grabbing her and just like I needed
2:52
Speaker 1: to like feel my baby next.
2:55
Speaker 2: You know what's great at that that age is that
2:57
Speaker 2: they don't resist it. As they get older and you
2:59
Speaker 2: try to snuggle with them, it's like I get a
3:01
Speaker 2: freaking elbow, I get kicked like it's not pretty, So.
3:06
Speaker 1: Oh, I better not take an elbow to my brand
3:08
Speaker 1: new tatas. And then we got a real problem.
3:11
Speaker 2: Get the fuck out of the bed. But I'm sure
3:14
Speaker 2: Ocean still sleeps where she does. Like the turning or no?
3:18
Speaker 2: Is she pretty straightforward?
3:21
Speaker 1: She's pretty you.
3:22
Speaker 2: Mean, like literally, you know when when kids are little
3:27
Speaker 2: they we least my kids did this. They like turn,
3:30
Speaker 2: they don't stay in one position. Next like you have
3:32
Speaker 2: a foot in the mouth, and then the their heads
3:34
Speaker 2: at the end of the bed, and then their sideways
3:37
Speaker 2: and then they're falling. I'll never forget I had a
3:39
Speaker 2: kid fall off the bed at one point. Like they're
3:41
Speaker 2: all they're like disoriented or something.
3:43
Speaker 1: Your kids were wild in the bed because I remember
3:45
Speaker 1: there were a money night that I would sleep in
3:49
Speaker 1: my bed with London and Riley. We do like little
3:52
Speaker 1: face masks or whatever, and they were wild. Mm hmmm yeah,
3:56
Speaker 1: all right, Well maybe it's a genetic thing.
3:58
Speaker 2: I have no idea.
3:59
Speaker 1: It depends on the night. Ocean. Last night was zonked,
4:02
Speaker 1: but yes, that happens. Kids are wild in the bed.
4:05
Speaker 1: Not fun. Last night we were all good.
4:09
Speaker 2: I'll take it okay.
4:10
Speaker 1: Today I want to talk about affairs in the workplace
4:13
Speaker 1: because of something that had just come out about I
4:17
Speaker 1: don't know if you heard about this, but the New
4:19
Speaker 1: England Patriots the head coach who was spotted with a reporter.
4:23
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm hm. I have a few thoughts.
4:28
Speaker 1: I'm just I want to trust men, Amber, I really
4:32
Speaker 1: want to trust them.
4:35
Speaker 2: So do I want to trust humans not just men?
4:38
Speaker 2: Because let me tell you something, people catch feelings no
4:41
Speaker 2: matter where you go, and the workplace happens to be
4:45
Speaker 2: one place where you're really seen, You're collaborating, you have failures,
4:50
Speaker 2: you have comebacks, you like, there's so many different emotions,
4:53
Speaker 2: especially when you're not like a high stake running a
4:56
Speaker 2: company doing whatever you're doing. Right, I did my little research.
5:03
Speaker 2: This woman sounded like a piece of shit when it
5:06
Speaker 2: comes to her husband, Like she was not like the
5:09
Speaker 2: things that she was saying on air about her husband
5:11
Speaker 2: was not okay.
5:12
Speaker 1: Before this even happened, I.
5:14
Speaker 2: Think, yes, yes, yes, yeah, before they were even caught.
5:17
Speaker 1: So basically, it's the head coach of the Patriots Rebel
5:24
Speaker 1: and Diana Rassini. And Diana has resigned from her position
5:30
Speaker 1: and she worked for the athletic the sports journalism department
5:34
Speaker 1: of the New York Times, And I mean, I would
5:38
Speaker 1: say that those are pretty prestigious titles to be holding
5:44
Speaker 1: in your career as a journalist. Sports journalist. Mike the
5:49
Speaker 1: coach has yet to resign, so let's touch on her first,
5:52
Speaker 1: because you said that she's like a real piece of shit.
5:55
Speaker 1: Just what she was saying.
5:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, in my opinion, it was she was talking about
5:59
Speaker 2: her her husband, who, by the way, I don't know
6:02
Speaker 2: the guy seems like a nice guy. She she coined
6:05
Speaker 2: him as I think basic or general.
6:08
Speaker 1: What was it?
6:08
Speaker 2: Oh? She said, she said, I'm married to someone very average.
6:12
Speaker 2: And it was like such an insult, Like, how do
6:15
Speaker 2: you mean? I think if I were to guess, she
6:19
Speaker 2: was saying, he's not someone of importance, like he has
6:22
Speaker 2: a normal job, comes from a normal family. But it
6:27
Speaker 2: was just not kind and I found it was very
6:30
Speaker 2: disrespectful to their marriage to go online and be like yeah.
6:34
Speaker 2: And then there was another video where she was like, oh,
6:37
Speaker 2: my husband, you don't even want to know what I
6:39
Speaker 2: was doing in Miami. She's like, well, no, no, no,
6:41
Speaker 2: not like that, but like the type of partying I
6:43
Speaker 2: was doing, Like why would you, like, why would you
6:46
Speaker 2: why would you even say that? Like this guy needs
6:48
Speaker 2: to leave her, he needs to go find someone who
6:52
Speaker 2: respects him. Listen, I don't know what happens behind closed doors,
6:56
Speaker 2: but just the words that were coming out of her
6:58
Speaker 2: mouth were disgusting to me.
7:00
Speaker 1: That's the other thing is I always wonder where your
7:05
Speaker 1: mind has to be to go behind your person's back
7:10
Speaker 1: and start an affair. And if you don't even like
7:14
Speaker 1: the person you're with, why do you stay? I just
7:19
Speaker 1: I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my mind
7:21
Speaker 1: around that. I get it, like things happen and people
7:24
Speaker 1: catch feelings, and like you said, when you're in the
7:26
Speaker 1: workplace and you're experiencing big wins together or a tough day,
7:31
Speaker 1: that person is there to kind of like be your
7:34
Speaker 1: partner in crime. But I just I don't get it.
7:41
Speaker 1: I don't think I could do it.
7:44
Speaker 2: I think it starts with an emotional fair right. It
7:47
Speaker 2: starts with like like you were talking about the big wins,
7:50
Speaker 2: the losses, the like how are we going to solve
7:52
Speaker 2: this problem together? It's proximity. It's a lack of boundaries.
7:57
Speaker 2: I think people don't have any boundaries and they're so
8:00
Speaker 2: they're so ambiguous, the boundaries that people have in their
8:03
Speaker 2: personal lives, in their personal relationships as well as romantic
8:07
Speaker 2: and professional. I just don't feel like people know how
8:14
Speaker 2: to pause. Like I always talk about the pause and say, like, Okay,
8:19
Speaker 2: what is this feeling that's coming up? Because listen I'm
8:22
Speaker 2: an actor. I've been on set. I was when I
8:25
Speaker 2: was married. I had sex scenes, I had romantic scenes,
8:29
Speaker 2: I was making like we But never once did I think, okay,
8:35
Speaker 2: I'm going to take this back to the trailer like that.
8:37
Speaker 2: Never once I came into my mind. It's because I
8:43
Speaker 2: I just I didn't. It just never crossed my mind.
8:47
Speaker 2: Did I think a co star was fucking hot? Of
8:49
Speaker 2: course I did, But like I would never jeopardize my
8:52
Speaker 2: family even if I wasn't in a good position, like
8:57
Speaker 2: I would question myself in these feelings like Okay, wait,
9:01
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm really being like I really am
9:03
Speaker 2: attracted to this person, right yeah? Or there's something about
9:06
Speaker 2: this person that makes me feel really good. Okay, what
9:09
Speaker 2: is that feeling?
9:09
Speaker 1: Like?
9:10
Speaker 2: Am I being seen? Do I feel more seen here
9:12
Speaker 2: than I do in my personal life? Okay? Well, what
9:14
Speaker 2: am I going to do about those feelings? I'm going
9:15
Speaker 2: to go back to my husband or my partner and say,
9:19
Speaker 2: can we talk about something. I'm not going to bring
9:21
Speaker 2: up what happened at work or the feelings that I
9:23
Speaker 2: was having, but like I'm going to sit there, look
9:25
Speaker 2: back and like reevaluate my relationship and what I feel
9:29
Speaker 2: like I'm missing and what tank is not being filled
9:31
Speaker 2: up at totally.
9:33
Speaker 1: Oh, I love what you just said. I also think
9:36
Speaker 1: that you and I are the type of people where
9:38
Speaker 1: when when you and I start building building something with
9:45
Speaker 1: someone building the foundation, right, I hold on to that.
9:51
Speaker 1: I don't forget it easily. So when I'm out in
9:53
Speaker 1: the world and let's say I see someone who's good looking,
9:58
Speaker 1: it goes so far beyond that that it's like, Okay,
10:03
Speaker 1: you're good looking, but there's nothing there that would make
10:06
Speaker 1: me want to like get naked with you because I'm
10:09
Speaker 1: holding on to something that I've built that's sturdy with
10:14
Speaker 1: this other person. So, like you said, it could be
10:17
Speaker 1: where maybe the foundation is fractured and that's when things
10:21
Speaker 1: kind of get scary. But like you said, having the conversation,
10:24
Speaker 1: I also think with this Diana person, the journalist, I
10:29
Speaker 1: think this guy is a shiny object for her. She's
10:33
Speaker 1: in sports journalism. And the guy who is the head
10:38
Speaker 1: coach of the New England Patriots, the team that Tom
10:41
Speaker 1: Brady used to play for, the team that was in
10:45
Speaker 1: the Super Bowl, he's paying attention to me. I think
10:49
Speaker 1: people get cloudy. So allegedly they were vacationing together in Sedona, Arizona.
10:57
Speaker 2: By the way, if I'm having an affair, which I
10:59
Speaker 2: never would, but if I would, I would be going
11:01
Speaker 2: to Sedona, Arizona.
11:03
Speaker 1: If I know anything about dabbling in the sports world,
11:07
Speaker 1: I know that training camp players had to start showing up, right.
11:11
Speaker 1: There's been a lot going on, a lot of trading happening,
11:14
Speaker 1: a lot of uh uh, you know, people being re
11:18
Speaker 1: signed that may have been free agents, like both of them.
11:21
Speaker 1: They didn't have time to affair outside of the country.
11:23
Speaker 1: They got to be boots on the ground right here
11:26
Speaker 1: in the United States. So Sedona maybe they thought no
11:30
Speaker 1: one would be there because it's kind of sleepy town.
11:33
Speaker 1: People go to like retreat and enjoy, like the Vortex,
11:38
Speaker 1: you know, that's the whole thing.
11:40
Speaker 2: Watch they're gonna come out and move on the Vortex.
11:42
Speaker 2: We went to the vortex, right, That is what they
11:45
Speaker 2: just couldn't resist. It just brought us together. The thing
11:59
Speaker 2: that bothers me the most is that she has resigned
12:05
Speaker 2: from her positions. He's still rocking it. And I know
12:10
Speaker 2: that she says mean things about her husband, But.
12:14
Speaker 1: Does that bother you at all? Because I feel like
12:16
Speaker 1: the men, I mean even in my situation, I caught
12:20
Speaker 1: a lot of freaking heat and homeboy just kind of
12:24
Speaker 1: went about his business. And here we are talking about
12:27
Speaker 1: how she was a piece of shit in her marriage.
12:29
Speaker 1: We haven't even touched on what a piece of shit
12:31
Speaker 1: he is. I know.
12:33
Speaker 2: I think that. Again, I've never been in this position,
12:35
Speaker 2: and I don't know the repercussions or what's going on
12:39
Speaker 2: behind the scenes, but I think when you resign from
12:41
Speaker 2: your position, you're automatically saying I'm guilty of something she is.
12:46
Speaker 1: We see the photos. He didn't resign. He's business as usual.
12:51
Speaker 1: And I'm sure because he's got cash and again status,
12:57
Speaker 1: that's hard for a woman to leave. So his wife,
13:00
Speaker 1: I'm sure they're going to work through it. And this
13:02
Speaker 1: other woman, Diana, you know, her life is forever shifted.
13:06
Speaker 2: I don't know why. I just have a feeling this
13:07
Speaker 2: is not the first time he's cheated. That's my gut intuition.
13:11
Speaker 1: No, let me tell you something. You're taking the mistress
13:14
Speaker 1: on vacations. You're a one trick pony. You've done it
13:19
Speaker 1: a lot of times.
13:20
Speaker 2: Of course, of course, I just hope his wife doesn't
13:24
Speaker 2: have a prenup because you know, I just want her
13:27
Speaker 2: to live a good life. Now, if he's going to
13:28
Speaker 2: be a piece of shit and go have an affair
13:31
Speaker 2: with someone at work, just let her live. There's eight
13:35
Speaker 2: million people in the world. I promise her. Listen, she's
13:37
Speaker 2: going to be okay, She's just going to be like
13:41
Speaker 2: you know, she's going to live a good life. Fuck him. Sorry,
13:45
Speaker 2: I'm in a really spicy mood this morning.
13:47
Speaker 1: I love when you get spicy. I'm kind of there too.
13:50
Speaker 1: I'm kind of in that mood too.
13:52
Speaker 2: I just can't She's gross. He's gross. Everyone in this
13:55
Speaker 2: situation is gross, Like just no respect.
13:59
Speaker 1: And I get that it in the workplace, but is
14:01
Speaker 1: it really I mean, this girl's not fucking in the
14:03
Speaker 1: locker rooms every day. It doesn't work for the Patriots. No,
14:08
Speaker 1: She's covering multiple different sports teams, whether it's basketball or football. Like,
14:17
Speaker 1: how did this come to be? Do you think it
14:19
Speaker 1: was the DM Do you think they have Instagram? I
14:22
Speaker 1: bet they've deactivated them now. But let me tell you,
14:25
Speaker 1: Instagram makes people very accessible. I should know.
14:29
Speaker 2: Hmmm, I should know.
14:33
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
14:34
Speaker 2: You could do. You could find out a lot of
14:35
Speaker 2: information by really diving into someone's Instagram.
14:38
Speaker 1: Oh that's where all the bodies are buried a hundred.
14:41
Speaker 1: You can turn on the little like the disappearing thing,
14:47
Speaker 1: which I didn't know was a thing until I.
14:50
Speaker 2: Accidentally always do that and it makes me crazy. They
14:52
Speaker 2: should have a toggle for that.
14:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, not just like the swipe up the big like
14:57
Speaker 1: the giant swipe. You know who else made it? Stupid
15:00
Speaker 1: decision though. During their affair was that jumbo tron couple,
15:04
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, which by the way, I looked it
15:08
Speaker 1: up because she did an interview and I think it
15:11
Speaker 1: was with Oprah. She did a big interview and that
15:15
Speaker 1: was during that Coldplay concert in twenty twenty five. Everyone
15:18
Speaker 1: knows this. He was the CEO, she was. This is
15:23
Speaker 1: what I love the most. She was head of HR.
15:29
Speaker 1: People were getting away with murder in that company. She's like,
15:33
Speaker 1: you can do whatever you want. I'm fucking the CEO
15:35
Speaker 1: right now.
15:39
Speaker 2: Honestly, it's this scares me. This really does help me
15:46
Speaker 2: because I swear every day that goes by, I never
15:49
Speaker 2: want to get into a relationship again. And I'm like,
15:52
Speaker 2: I'm I'm out there, I'm single, I'm on Rayah. You're
15:55
Speaker 2: you're teaching me how to like slide into people's DMS,
15:58
Speaker 2: which is like terrifying, terrifying.
16:03
Speaker 1: You can't.
16:03
Speaker 2: I don't know how you trust someone. How do you
16:05
Speaker 2: trust someone?
16:06
Speaker 1: It's very hard? And can I tell you? I mean,
16:09
Speaker 1: you saw you and I in Vegas with whatever situation.
16:15
Speaker 1: We were like looking at text messages and what was
16:19
Speaker 1: said and it's like, oh, that's flag And like when
16:22
Speaker 1: we called him, he was like what alert is going on?
16:25
Speaker 2: He was alert?
16:27
Speaker 1: He was like, read your last message. You did this,
16:31
Speaker 1: and we did do that. We did take him to
16:33
Speaker 1: that place, didn't we? Poor guy?
16:36
Speaker 2: Maybe I just I don't know. Maybe I'm just like, no,
16:40
Speaker 2: I don't want to say damage. That's not like the
16:42
Speaker 2: right because I know I'm not damaged. I've done so
16:44
Speaker 2: much fucking work to be on a podcast and say
16:47
Speaker 2: that I've damaged it really does. I just don't know.
16:52
Speaker 2: It's going to take a lot of convincing. Something happened
16:55
Speaker 2: to me in the last three months. I think I
16:59
Speaker 2: just prayed to God and said like I don't ever want,
17:02
Speaker 2: I don't want. I think I prayed it away. That's
17:04
Speaker 2: what happened.
17:05
Speaker 1: That's a real thing, all right, But what did you
17:08
Speaker 1: pray away?
17:09
Speaker 2: I just didn't want that feeling like Oh my gosh,
17:13
Speaker 2: I really want a relationship, you know, the desire. I
17:16
Speaker 2: think I prayed away the desire for a relationship because
17:20
Speaker 2: it was too it's too it's too much. There's too much.
17:25
Speaker 2: Like my trust has gone down so much, And that's
17:28
Speaker 2: really interesting. You're figuring something out about myself.
17:31
Speaker 1: How do you?
17:31
Speaker 2: How do you trust someone again?
17:33
Speaker 1: Well, that's what's so hard is then you're putting it
17:35
Speaker 1: into a position where someone does allow you to put
17:38
Speaker 1: your guard down, but then there's no winning for them
17:40
Speaker 1: because one wrong move. It's almost like there's no room
17:42
Speaker 1: for mistakes. That's what That's the position I'm in right
17:45
Speaker 1: now is I've noticed that one wrong move and you're
17:51
Speaker 1: going to make me feel unsafe and like I can't
17:53
Speaker 1: trust you, and I have to I have to really
17:56
Speaker 1: think about it and go, Okay, if you're really talking
17:58
Speaker 1: about a relationship and it being a foreverthing, there are
18:03
Speaker 1: gonna be times where your partner disappoints you, leaves you sad.
18:11
Speaker 1: And the whole point is that you work through those
18:14
Speaker 1: things and the foundation becomes so strong and the communication
18:19
Speaker 1: is so strong that each time you get you get
18:23
Speaker 1: stronger and you learn something about each other. But I'm
18:27
Speaker 1: right there with you Amber the moment I feel I
18:29
Speaker 1: can I trust somebody. It's kind of a lose lose
18:34
Speaker 1: situation for both of us because it's like, I trust
18:37
Speaker 1: you the moment you do something that maybe you don't
18:40
Speaker 1: even realize it can throw me for a fucking loop
18:43
Speaker 1: and go Wallas back up, never again.
18:46
Speaker 2: Okay, So I think this is what we have to do.
18:48
Speaker 2: In my head, I see like a scale of one
18:51
Speaker 2: to ten. When something comes up for us, I think
18:55
Speaker 2: we need a question. Is this a ten? Like a
18:57
Speaker 2: ten would be infidelity, cheating, lying? Right, something that is
19:04
Speaker 2: that is like like kind of brings up old wounds
19:09
Speaker 2: where you're like, dude, this is or a red flag
19:11
Speaker 2: that's just you can't ignore, right, And then a one,
19:14
Speaker 2: so you have this like sliding. You have a scale,
19:17
Speaker 2: so we have to say, like, okay, what happened? Is
19:20
Speaker 2: this like a three? And how fast can we recover?
19:23
Speaker 2: Because I think I told you this this weekend in Vegas.
19:25
Speaker 2: Is being able to recover and not hold on to
19:29
Speaker 2: something is really important, like you don't want to, like,
19:35
Speaker 2: let's repair the relationship. Let's have a face to face
19:38
Speaker 2: talk and then get back on the moving train of
19:41
Speaker 2: like moving forward in a healthy way of this relationship.
19:44
Speaker 2: I think like sitting in that where you hold a
19:46
Speaker 2: grudge for like weeks on end, or you don't say
19:49
Speaker 2: anything and it just builds builds builds, and then one
19:51
Speaker 2: little thing and then you explode and that can cost
19:54
Speaker 2: the relationship. But I think, I think I need to
19:57
Speaker 2: look at things a little bit of like, Okay, is
19:59
Speaker 2: this like a three like does like like Sabrina said,
20:03
Speaker 2: does the pinch match the ouch?
20:05
Speaker 1: M see?
20:07
Speaker 2: I don't know, Like how bad is the pinch? Is
20:09
Speaker 2: it like a little while that's the thing is.
20:12
Speaker 1: That's why I say it's a lose lose for both
20:14
Speaker 1: of us because any sort of anything that makes me
20:20
Speaker 1: like become thrown off, it's big just because of what
20:26
Speaker 1: I've experienced. And even though, like you said, you work
20:29
Speaker 1: through it, but anything, there's only so much work you
20:32
Speaker 1: can do on your own before someone else has to
20:35
Speaker 1: come in and repair that. But then what are they
20:38
Speaker 1: gonna do. That's gonna you know, cause you more triggers
20:42
Speaker 1: and more trauma where it's you know, but it's it's hard.
20:46
Speaker 1: And I think women who can come back from infidelity
20:51
Speaker 1: like Amber, I don't know how you did it so
20:52
Speaker 1: many times I was.
20:54
Speaker 2: A dumb ass. Let's be real, like, I'm someone should
20:57
Speaker 2: have literally taken a bat to my head. Really, but
21:02
Speaker 2: now I know.
21:03
Speaker 1: What would you do now if you experienced infidelity?
21:07
Speaker 2: Oh, I would just quietly leave and very calm like
21:10
Speaker 2: even like, okay, I hope it was worth it and leave.
21:26
Speaker 1: Which would you prefer your husband just putting his peep
21:32
Speaker 1: where it doesn't belong one time, or having an emotional
21:37
Speaker 1: emotional affair where there was no physical contact.
21:42
Speaker 2: An emotional fair that just really feels like it hits differently.
21:47
Speaker 1: I don't think I could get over either. No, I
21:49
Speaker 1: think either one. There's the door.
21:51
Speaker 2: Oh, of course there's either one. But what would hurt worse?
21:54
Speaker 2: I think an emotional fair. I feel like eventually, if
21:59
Speaker 2: not caught before, always leads to physical some physical Yeah.
22:03
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I'd believe you if you were
22:05
Speaker 1: in an emotional affair and they said they had never
22:07
Speaker 1: touched each other, It's just like, that's just not how
22:09
Speaker 1: it works. And then if they drink, they don't have
22:12
Speaker 1: to be alcoholics, but you add some wine, I'll get it.
22:15
Speaker 1: Forget it.
22:16
Speaker 2: Those are coming off.
22:17
Speaker 1: Those are coming off one hundred percent but the more
22:20
Speaker 1: that I and I'm trying not to fight it, but
22:23
Speaker 1: I just I feel like I opened myself up, told
22:28
Speaker 1: the universe I was down for the cause of love
22:31
Speaker 1: and finding my person. And we're only in April, approaching May,
22:36
Speaker 1: and I'm going, I don't know about this. I lived
22:39
Speaker 1: a really peaceful life. I was happy every day and
22:42
Speaker 1: it was only contingent on myself and if my kids
22:47
Speaker 1: were good, and that was a really fucking great way
22:49
Speaker 1: to live. Because I can't control another person.
22:53
Speaker 2: You can't.
22:54
Speaker 1: That scares me amber and the thought of it makes
22:58
Speaker 1: me want to sob where I'm like, just make this
23:02
Speaker 1: fucking easy.
23:04
Speaker 2: I think the right person will, I really do. I
23:07
Speaker 2: think the right person will make it easy. It's not
23:09
Speaker 2: going to be perfect, because there's no perfect relationship, but
23:13
Speaker 2: I think our universe, our country is going through a
23:17
Speaker 2: really hard time with the word trust, Like we need
23:22
Speaker 2: to reset what trusting actually means. First, you have to
23:25
Speaker 2: trust yourself, right something. I feel like I've really grown
23:29
Speaker 2: to learn how to trust myself, to trust my instincts.
23:32
Speaker 2: And so if you you get these feelings and you're like, huh,
23:36
Speaker 2: like doesn't mean you act on them. And I'm not
23:39
Speaker 2: saying like the red flags, like you feel something and
23:43
Speaker 2: you're thinking, God, why do I feel this way? I
23:46
Speaker 2: think we have to learn to trust ourselves and then
23:52
Speaker 2: you build trust with someone. And you have to be
23:55
Speaker 2: willing to build trust with someone, because if you're not,
23:57
Speaker 2: then it's like, what's the point of being in a relationship.
23:59
Speaker 2: You might as well just live your married life the
24:01
Speaker 2: way you have raise your kids, have girlfriends. But you
24:09
Speaker 2: have to want it. You have to want it, and
24:11
Speaker 2: maybe you don't know if you want it yet. I
24:13
Speaker 2: think you do. I think you're just fucking scared, and
24:15
Speaker 2: it's okay to be scared.
24:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really scared.
24:18
Speaker 2: I know you are.
24:19
Speaker 1: What I've noticed is now, like before, when I would
24:23
Speaker 1: hear like men doing things that were dirty or like,
24:26
Speaker 1: you know, the stuff that we've been talking about, my
24:30
Speaker 1: reaction would be like, see, men are shitty. They're all
24:34
Speaker 1: the same. Now when I when I hear something like this,
24:39
Speaker 1: it doesn't I don't necessarily go straight to like the
24:41
Speaker 1: man being so shitty like the man in general. It's like, wow,
24:45
Speaker 1: that guy like really fucked up, and it's more of
24:47
Speaker 1: like a pinpointed like this is you. This isn't every
24:52
Speaker 1: every man, which is definitely different for me. And it
24:55
Speaker 1: just it just happened. It's not like I'm trying to
24:59
Speaker 1: not put men under one blanket. It just like overnight
25:03
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, you know, some men do really shitty things,
25:08
Speaker 1: and I have to trust that, Like I'm going to
25:11
Speaker 1: find someone who's not gonna do shitty things again. I
25:14
Speaker 1: have to be comfortable with the idea of like knowing
25:17
Speaker 1: that it's not going to be perfect.
25:19
Speaker 2: But that scares me, right, But let's not let's put
25:21
Speaker 2: let's put these guys on a scale like a ten.
25:24
Speaker 1: I know that's going to be hard though, because I'm
25:26
Speaker 1: an emotional person.
25:28
Speaker 2: I know, but until they until they prove that they're
25:31
Speaker 2: a ten, meaning a piece of shit, don't don't put
25:34
Speaker 2: them in that category. Let them start like started them
25:37
Speaker 2: out of five, right, and they do something stupid, Okay,
25:41
Speaker 2: they move up a little bit, Okay, they move down
25:43
Speaker 2: a little bit, and see where they land after like
25:45
Speaker 2: three six months.
25:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know if you do this, but I
25:51
Speaker 1: also need to retrain myself the difference between you're a
25:54
Speaker 1: piece of shit or you did something that was kind
25:57
Speaker 1: of shitty.
25:58
Speaker 2: Hmmmm. Oh I love that. I feel like that's a
26:03
Speaker 2: good slogan on a shirt. Are you a piece of shit?
26:06
Speaker 2: Or did you do something shitty?
26:08
Speaker 1: You know, because like I can do I can do
26:10
Speaker 1: shitty things, but like I like to think that I'm
26:12
Speaker 1: not a piece of shit.
26:14
Speaker 2: No, you're not a piece of shit. That's really interesting.
26:18
Speaker 2: I'm not a piece of shit. I just did a
26:19
Speaker 2: really shitty thing.
26:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that I can take that and go, Okay,
26:25
Speaker 1: we've got something here. You did something that made me
26:30
Speaker 1: feel lucky. We can work through it. This is my hardline.
26:33
Speaker 1: There will be no cheating and there will be no
26:35
Speaker 1: drug use. Those two things. There's no discussion. I'm out
26:42
Speaker 1: the Trendp's completely gone.
26:43
Speaker 2: Yeah.
26:43
Speaker 1: I can deal with a lot and work through it.
26:46
Speaker 1: Those two things shut me down to my very core.
26:48
Speaker 2: Well, you're non negotiables before you even open the door,
26:51
Speaker 2: and you know very soon when you open the door.
26:53
Speaker 2: Didn't you recently ask someone if they've ever cheated? Or Am
26:56
Speaker 2: I making this up? No?
26:57
Speaker 1: I asked them, okay, and there was spons was flawless.
27:02
Speaker 1: Well that's good.
27:04
Speaker 2: That's good.
27:07
Speaker 1: You can get a read on people. I see in
27:09
Speaker 1: their eyes.
27:10
Speaker 2: But here's here's a question. If someone and I'm not
27:14
Speaker 2: talking about that specific person you're talking about. If a
27:17
Speaker 2: man in general said, yes, I have, I made a
27:21
Speaker 2: huge mistake. You know, I learned my lesson. I've done
27:25
Speaker 2: a lot of work on myself. I can never see
27:27
Speaker 2: myself doing that again. Would you still go into a relationship.
27:29
Speaker 1: With them, Well, because I'm a dumb ass. Probably No,
27:33
Speaker 1: I don't think you would.
27:34
Speaker 2: You're not a dumb ass. You're so smart. Stop saying that.
27:37
Speaker 2: That would make me pump the brakes. Have you cheated before?
27:41
Speaker 1: No?
27:42
Speaker 2: And I say that it's funny. I say that because
27:45
Speaker 2: remember I was telling you when I was married. I again,
27:50
Speaker 2: I was on set with like a lot of random,
27:54
Speaker 2: good looking intimate scenes. I don't I don't know what like.
27:59
Speaker 2: I just don't. I think you're either a cheater or
28:01
Speaker 2: you're not. I don't know. But I remember I got
28:07
Speaker 2: like a love letter sent to me, a handwritten Remember
28:10
Speaker 2: I was telling you this, Someone whose name will remain
28:14
Speaker 2: obviously not on here wrote me wrote me a love
28:19
Speaker 2: letter and it was like the most beautiful pen to
28:24
Speaker 2: paper letter. And I was like, and I was married,
28:28
Speaker 2: they were not, they were single. And I was thinking,
28:32
Speaker 2: oh my god, this was like that would have been
28:34
Speaker 2: such an easy in for me, such an excuse to
28:39
Speaker 2: leave my marriage. But I didn't not even emotional, and
28:45
Speaker 2: like I think I was just so. I was also
28:49
Speaker 2: on like in turmoil for eight years straight. I don't
28:54
Speaker 2: even think that was It was me in survival mode.
28:58
Speaker 2: I wasn't even thinking like how do I get out
29:00
Speaker 2: of this situation? For me, it was like, let me
29:02
Speaker 2: take more pills so I could stay into in this
29:04
Speaker 2: situation and manage my feelings, right, you know, or suppress
29:08
Speaker 2: them rather.
29:09
Speaker 1: Yeah. I haven't cheated either, but I remember with our ex,
29:15
Speaker 1: I went out and started doing my thing because he
29:17
Speaker 1: had told me that he was separated, and at this
29:19
Speaker 1: point it was like, okay, like how long does one
29:22
Speaker 1: stay separated for before you like have a finalized divorce.
29:27
Speaker 1: So I just started going out and doing my thing.
29:29
Speaker 1: And I just think it's impossible to cheat on a
29:31
Speaker 1: married person. It just't that doesn't You can't cheat on
29:34
Speaker 1: someone who has a wife. So I stand by I
29:39
Speaker 1: never cheated. Good, Yeah, and I almost did. I almost did.
29:48
Speaker 2: Oh that's right.
29:49
Speaker 1: When I left the ring behind. Yeah yeah, And when
29:52
Speaker 1: she at the fan, I was like, well, no, I
29:53
Speaker 1: could have been fucking this whole time. I had my
29:59
Speaker 1: sh I had my shot both of us.
30:02
Speaker 2: But you walked away with your dignity.
30:05
Speaker 1: Amen's sister. I love that. I actually really liked this episode.
30:10
Speaker 1: It took a turn. We went from like the affairs
30:13
Speaker 1: in the workplace to could you handle that shit? Nah?
30:17
Speaker 1: We're good you guys, Thank you for listening to another
30:20
Speaker 1: episode of an Unlikely Affair. We're gonna catch you guys
30:22
Speaker 1: again next week. We love you, Amber, I love you
30:26
Speaker 1: and I miss you. M M.
30:27
Speaker 2: I love you too, Baby.
30:29
Speaker 1: We'll call you after this. Bye bye,