Latest / The Comeback Career Podcast with Fexingo: Returning After a Gap, Stay-at-Home Re-Entry / Returning After a Gap How to Handle Networking
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been out of the workforce for three, four, maybe seven years. You've updated your resume, you've practiced your narrative about why you stepped away. But then comes the part nobody talks about — the networking. That first coffee meeting or LinkedIn message where you have to explain yourself to a stranger. Luna: And it feels awful. Like you're showing up with a sign that says 'I've been irrelevant for years.' I've had listeners tell me they'd rather go to a dentist appointment than ask an old colleague for coffee. Lucas: Exactly. So for this episode, I want to dig into a specific strategy that flips that dynamic. It's something I call the 'Informational Interview Reset.' The core idea: you stop asking for a job and start asking for advice. But not just any advice — very targeted, structured advice that makes you look prepared, not desperate. Luna: Okay, I love that framing. Give me a concrete example. Lucas: I was talking to a woman named Priya. She'd been a marketing director at a mid-size consumer goods company, then took five years off to raise twins. When she wanted to go back, she was terrified of networking. So she didn't network — she researched. She found a senior VP of marketing at a company she admired. Not a peer, not someone junior — someone two or three levels above the role she wanted. Luna: Why two levels above? Wouldn't that be more intimidating? Lucas: Counterintuitive, right? But here's the logic. People at your level are competitors. They might see you as a threat. People one level above are often busy and suspicious. But people two or three levels above — they're far enough removed that they don't feel threatened. They also tend to be more generous with their time because they've been there. Priya sent a LinkedIn message that said, 'I'm returning to work after a career break and I'm trying to understand how the marketing landscape has changed in the last five years. Would you be open to a 15-minute call to share your perspective?' Luna: And the VP said yes? Lucas: She said yes within 24 hours. The call lasted 35 minutes. And at the end, the VP said, 'We have a role opening up in my group in two weeks — you should apply.' Priya did, and she got the job at a company called HubSpot. Not because she begged for a job, but because she asked for insight. Luna: Wow. So the ask itself — 'help me understand the landscape' — that's non-threatening and actually flattering. You're positioning the other person as an expert. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the reset. Most people with gaps lead with apology. 'I know I've been out for a while, but I'm really eager...' That signals low status. The informational interview approach signals curiosity and strategic thinking. You're not saying 'I'm behind.' You're saying 'I'm catching up, and you can help me do it faster.' Luna: What about the actual script? If a listener is sitting down to write a LinkedIn message right now, what should it say? Lucas: Three parts. Part one: one sentence that names your situation and a specific respect point. 'I've been following your work on consumer analytics for the past year, and I'm returning to the workforce after a career break focused on caregiving.' Part two: one sentence that states your ask. 'I'd love 15 minutes to hear how your field has evolved — I want to make sure my skills are aligned with where the industry is going.' Part three: one sentence that lowers the bar. 'Even just a two-sentence reply would be invaluable.' Luna: That last part is key. Because if someone feels like they have to commit to a call, they might hesitate. But a quick reply? That's easy. Lucas: Priya's VP actually did reply with just two sentences at first: 'Happy to help. What's your background in?' That opened the door. And Priya responded with a short overview — three bullet points — and the VP wrote back, 'Let's find 15 minutes next week.' Luna: So the structure of the initial outreach is almost more important than the content. You're managing the other person's fear of being trapped in a long conversation. Lucas: Exactly. And you're also managing their fear of being pitched. If your message smells like a job request, they'll ghost you. But if it smells like genuine curiosity, they'll engage. I've seen this work across industries — tech, marketing, finance, even healthcare. Luna: What about people who don't have a strong existing network? Like, they've been out for a decade and their contacts have all moved on. Lucas: You don't need an existing network. Priya's VP was a complete stranger. She found her through a HubSpot webinar speaker list. You can find people through LinkedIn, through alumni directories, through industry event attendee lists. The key is to target people who are active in content — they're more likely to be generous. Luna: So you're looking for people who publish articles, speak on panels, post regularly. They've already signaled they want to share knowledge. Lucas: Exactly. And here's a stat that surprised me. A 2024 survey from the Society for Human Resource Management found that 70 percent of hiring managers view a career gap neutrally — not negatively, neutrally. They don't assume you've lost your skills. They just want to know what you did during that time and how you've stayed current. Luna: Seventy percent neutral? That's huge. So the fear of judgment is largely in our heads. Lucas: Largely. But the catch is, you have to demonstrate current awareness. And that's exactly what the informational interview does. It forces you to research the industry, learn the new tools, understand the trends. You're not just asking for a job — you're proving you can learn fast. Luna: Let's talk about the actual conversation. Someone gets the call. What do they say in those 15 minutes? Lucas: Priya had a list of five questions. She didn't ask all of them. She led with: 'What has changed most in your field in the last three to five years?' That's a gift question — it lets the person talk about what they know and feel smart. Then she asked: 'What skills are you seeing that people with my background often lack?' That's a vulnerable question, but it shows self-awareness. Luna: And the VP's answer probably told Priya exactly what she needed to learn. Lucas: It did. The VP said, 'Everyone talks about data-driven marketing, but the real gap is the ability to translate data into a story for executives.' Priya had done that before her gap, but she needed to update her vocabulary. She spent the next two weeks taking a free online course on data storytelling. Luna: So the informational interview becomes a diagnostic. You walk away with a learning plan. Lucas: Exactly. And then you follow up with a thank-you note that mentions what you learned and how you're acting on it. That note is gold. Because when the VP saw Priya's application two weeks later, she remembered that note. It was proof of growth. Luna: What about people who are on the other side — the ones receiving these requests? Any advice for them to be more open? Lucas: If you're in a position to help, say yes. And if you can't take a call, send a short reply. That two-sentence reply can change someone's career. I've been on both sides. When I came back from a six-month break to travel after a burnout, I used this exact strategy. I reached out to a former editor, asked about changes in journalism, and she ended up recommending me for a freelance gig. Luna: So the strategy works even for shorter gaps. It's not just for stay-at-home parents. Lucas: Right. Any break — sabbatical, medical leave, travel, caregiving — the core challenge is the same. You need to rebuild confidence and prove you're current. The informational interview does both simultaneously. Luna: I want to push back on one thing. Doesn't this put all the burden on the individual? Shouldn't companies do more to welcome returners? Lucas: Absolutely. And some do — there are return to work programs at companies like Amazon, Goldman Sachs, and IBM. But they're still the minority. Until that changes, individuals need a strategy that works. This one does. And the beauty is, it's not manipulative. You're genuinely seeking insight, and that authenticity comes through. Luna: Fair enough. So let's leave listeners with a concrete action step. What's the one thing they should do tonight? Lucas: Open LinkedIn. Find three people in your target industry who are two levels above the role you want. Send one of them a message using the three-part template we discussed. Don't overthink it. The worst that happens is silence. The best that happens is a conversation that changes your trajectory. Luna: And if you get a reply, even just two sentences, you've already won. Because you've broken the ice. Lucas: Exactly. And next week, we're going to talk about how to handle the actual job interview after a gap — specifically, how to answer 'Why did you leave the workforce?' without apologizing. Luna: Looking forward to it. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. And to our listeners — go send that message.