Latest / The You Project / #1550 This (Version Of) Life Wasn't My Plan - Harps

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#1550 This (Version Of) Life Wasn't My Plan - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: Gooda team. I hope you're great. So it's Monday here
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Speaker 1: in the thriving metropolis, or I just looked at t
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Speaker 1: one o'clock. It's exactly thirteen hundred hours here on a Monday.
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Speaker 1: It's the tenth of June. I hope this finds you
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Speaker 1: well whenever you are listening to it, wherever you are,
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Speaker 1: whatever you do on I genuinely hope life is good
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Speaker 1: for you. And with that in mind, that is what
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Speaker 1: I'm talking about today. I'm talking about life as the
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Speaker 1: thing that we inhabit, the practical, three dimensional physical existence
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Speaker 1: that we have in the middle of work, in the
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Speaker 1: middle of relationships and in the middle of all of
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Speaker 1: our commitments and obligations and joy and pain and pleasure,
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Speaker 1: and then more on an internal level, that kind of
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Speaker 1: emotional and psychological and sociological, perhaps and spiritual experience of life.
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Speaker 1: There's the situation we're in, and then there's the experience
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Speaker 1: we have of the situation or the circumstance or the
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Speaker 1: environment that we're in. And yesterday, yesterday I did a workshop,
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Speaker 1: a private workshop. That's funny, private workshop by twenty people.
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Speaker 1: So it's kind of public, isn't it. But I think
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Speaker 1: anything for me. Anything that's like twenty people, I call
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Speaker 1: it a private workshop. Anyway, So I did a private
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Speaker 1: workshop here in Hampton, and we had about five hours
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Speaker 1: together and we spoke about a lot of things. But
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Speaker 1: somebody came up to me in one of the breaks
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Speaker 1: and I was talking to them about this idea of
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Speaker 1: designing our life and creating our life. And yes, there's
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Speaker 1: stuff that's in our control, of course, and there's stuff
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Speaker 1: that's out of our control. And of course there is
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Speaker 1: a certain level of unpredictability and unknown and uncertain and
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Speaker 1: uncomfortable that comes with the human experience. And of course
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Speaker 1: we've got to acknowledge that we can't plan for everything,
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Speaker 1: we can't anticipate everything, and that bad things happen to
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Speaker 1: good people, and good things happen to bad people, and
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Speaker 1: we don't know why. We just know that that is
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Speaker 1: an inevitability of the human experience. And you're going to
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Speaker 1: have great shit happen to you and terrible shit happened
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Speaker 1: to you, and good days and bad days, and physical, mental, emotional, social, financial, personal,
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Speaker 1: professional peaks and troughs, and in the middle of it,
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Speaker 1: you've got to make do. You've got to survive and
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Speaker 1: hopefully thrive. And something that dawns on me, has dawned
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Speaker 1: on me for years, is the amount of people that
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Speaker 1: And there's no judgment or criticism in this. This is
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Speaker 1: coming from a good place of spending much of my
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Speaker 1: life trying to help people think better, do better, create better,
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Speaker 1: build the body they want, their health, they want, the business,
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Speaker 1: the brand, the lifestyle, you know, the relationships, the communication,
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Speaker 1: and the inner world of joy and calm and peace
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Speaker 1: and satisfaction and contentment and hope. But it's it never
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Speaker 1: ceases to amaze me how many people live in a
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Speaker 1: kind of This wasn't my plan state. I didn't This
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Speaker 1: wasn't what I wanted, This wasn't what I intended, This
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Speaker 1: wasn't what I thought would happen or where I thought
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Speaker 1: I would be at this stage of my life. I
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Speaker 1: didn't plan to end up here in this literal or
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Speaker 1: metaphoric place or state. And the amount of people that
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Speaker 1: I work with and talk to and connect with that
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Speaker 1: almost seemed to be a passenger in their own life.
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Speaker 1: You know, if we compare our life to a vehicle,
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Speaker 1: a kaha or a bus or something, and it's almost
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Speaker 1: like we're a passenger on that vehicle. In that vehicle,
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Speaker 1: we're being swept along with the momentum and the flow
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Speaker 1: and the mayhem and the energy of the life that
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Speaker 1: we inhabit as the life that inhabits us. But then
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Speaker 1: there's the practical life that we exist, that physical, three
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Speaker 1: dimensional life where all that stuff happens. And you know,
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Speaker 1: for many people that being swept along or I guess
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Speaker 1: another metaphor analogy would be in would be being in
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Speaker 1: that river where there's a certain current and flow and
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Speaker 1: energy and we're in that river and we just go
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Speaker 1: where it takes us. And while there can be there
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Speaker 1: can be a joy to that, and there can be
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Speaker 1: a kind of an organic kind of development in that,
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Speaker 1: I guess, and learning and growing and dealing with the
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Speaker 1: unpredictability and the uncertainty, but also the idea of getting
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Speaker 1: out of the river sometimes and standing on the bank
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Speaker 1: of the metaphoric river and saying, am I going in
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Speaker 1: the direction that I want to go? Am I doing
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Speaker 1: the things that align with my values and who I
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Speaker 1: want to be and how I want to be? Am
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Speaker 1: I living my plan? Do I have a plan? You know,
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Speaker 1: so many people when they say to me, this wasn't
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Speaker 1: my plan, and I say, could you tell me what
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Speaker 1: the plan was? And they kind of look at me quizzically,
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Speaker 1: and I say, well, you said this where you are
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Speaker 1: your life, the current state of your life, wasn't your plan?
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Speaker 1: What was your plan? And can I see a copy
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Speaker 1: of the plan so that I can kind of get context?
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Speaker 1: And people look at me quizically because well, there is
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Speaker 1: no plan, There is no there was nothing written down.
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Speaker 1: There is no copy of a plan that I can
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Speaker 1: look at, because in truth, they didn't really have a
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Speaker 1: plan or a strategy or a timeline or a protocol
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Speaker 1: or an accountability process. They just had an idea in
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Speaker 1: their head of how life would work out for them
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Speaker 1: or where they would be in five or ten years,
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Speaker 1: thinking that things would kind of unfold and happen and
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Speaker 1: would somehow land on their feet, the old magical, mystical
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Speaker 1: landing on the feet, rather than saying, okay, it's June tenth,
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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, on Planet Craig, I'm sixty, When I'm
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Speaker 1: sixty five, these are the things that I would like. Hopefully,
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Speaker 1: maybe this is my five year plan, or it's my
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Speaker 1: one year plan. Let's stay with a five year plan.
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Speaker 1: I hope that when I plan that when I'm sixty five,
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Speaker 1: this is my intention, this is what I would like.
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Speaker 1: These are the goals that I have. So now I'm
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Speaker 1: going to create a plan around that, that five year plan,
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Speaker 1: a structure, a process, a timeline, some accountability. It's a
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Speaker 1: do list. I'm going to have some KPIs, some targets
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Speaker 1: that I need to reach or hit along the way,
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Speaker 1: so that I just don't have some aspiration or vague
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Speaker 1: hope or finger crossing intention in the back of my mind.
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Speaker 1: I actually have in the front of my mind a
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Speaker 1: concrete strategy and plan of how I will create the
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Speaker 1: outcomes that I want to create in my business, in
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Speaker 1: my life, in my relationships, with my physical, mental, and
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Speaker 1: emotional health, with my lifestyle, with my situation, circumstance environment.
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Speaker 1: I will have a plan. Now, that doesn't mean our
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Speaker 1: life has got to be one big strategy and there
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Speaker 1: is no joy, or there is no intuition or organic
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Speaker 1: kind of expression, or there is no flow. But we
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Speaker 1: don't even we don't need to operate in either that
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Speaker 1: organic let's see where we go flow state or the
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Speaker 1: strategy state. I believe the human experience, the best version
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Speaker 1: of the human experience, is where we can improvise, adapt
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Speaker 1: and overcome. We can go with a flow. We can
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Speaker 1: we can have things that just come up and change
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Speaker 1: the direction or the course of our life that we
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Speaker 1: didn't plan. But also at the same stop, at the
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Speaker 1: same time, we can have a destination that we're heading
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Speaker 1: towards that does involve a degree of strategy, a degree
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Speaker 1: of work, a degree of effort and energy and focus
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Speaker 1: and resilience and adaptability, so that we are not the
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Speaker 1: passenger on that bus, so that we are not a
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Speaker 1: character in our own story. The amount of people that
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Speaker 1: I talk to that tell me that where they are
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Speaker 1: in their life is not where they want to be.
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Speaker 1: But in many ways they have been living unconsciously. They
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Speaker 1: have been unconsciously getting up every day and doing kind
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Speaker 1: of a version of the thing that they did yesterday,
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Speaker 1: day before, week before, month before, year before, that wasn't
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Speaker 1: in the first place, wasn't optimal anyway. I often say
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Speaker 1: to somebody something about, let's just go with and this
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Speaker 1: is just an example, but their health. I don't meet
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Speaker 1: many people who, given the opportunity, wouldn't want to be healthier.
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Speaker 1: I don't meet anyone who wants to be less healthy.
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Speaker 1: And when I say, all right, so is one of
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Speaker 1: your goals to improve your health and your function and
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Speaker 1: your energy and to potentially live longer, and not just
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Speaker 1: live longer, but live healthy for longer. So not just
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Speaker 1: to improve potentially improve your lifespan or your potential lifespan,
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Speaker 1: but also your health span. Everyone will say, well, fuck, yes,
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Speaker 1: of course I want that. And then I'll say, well,
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Speaker 1: tell me about the booze, the seven days a week booze.
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's that. So again, this is not self loathing.
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Speaker 1: This is self awareness. This is acknowledgment. What is the
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Speaker 1: thing that I really want for my life? What does
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Speaker 1: my best life look like? What does that even mean?
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Speaker 1: What does a healthy body look like for me? How
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Speaker 1: important is that to me? How important is it that
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Speaker 1: I do a job that resonates with me, that I love,
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Speaker 1: or at the very least, you know, sometimes it's messy
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Speaker 1: and painful, but in general terms, it's fulfilling and rewarding.
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Speaker 1: And I like the culture, and I like the job,
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Speaker 1: and I like what I do, and I like the
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Speaker 1: experiences and the people that I work with. And of
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Speaker 1: course there's going to be a bit of mess and pain,
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Speaker 1: but it's where I want to be versus I fucking
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Speaker 1: dread getting up on a Monday because I've got to
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Speaker 1: go back to that place that I don't like with
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Speaker 1: those people that I don't get that don't get me that,
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Speaker 1: and I'm going to work in that And yet but
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Speaker 1: what am I going to do? What am I going
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Speaker 1: to do? This is just my This is just my life,
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Speaker 1: and woe is me? And I shrug my shoulders and
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Speaker 1: five years go by and I'm still in the same joint.
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Speaker 1: But I actually haven't done anything brave, courageous, amazing to
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Speaker 1: change the situation. I just tell myself and others how
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Speaker 1: hard I have it and how unfair life is. Well,
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Speaker 1: guess what, you know, sometimes we do have it hard,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes life is unfair, and sometimes life sucks, and
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Speaker 1: sometimes you know where Joel Sardi, my friend who's been
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Speaker 1: on the show A Bunch, who came home from serving
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Speaker 1: in the military and leaned against a railing and fell
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Speaker 1: over the railing and broke his neck and became a quadriplegic,
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Speaker 1: you know sometimes that sometimes that and we don't want
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Speaker 1: to think about that. That's horrible and sad, but it's
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Speaker 1: just part of life for some people. And as I've
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Speaker 1: said a couple of times lately. Joel can't wake up
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Speaker 1: tomorrow and say, guess what, I'm not doing quadriplegia today.
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Speaker 1: I'm just going to fucking walk. It's too you know what.
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Speaker 1: It's too tiring, spending three hours every morning going through
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Speaker 1: this whole ritual of getting ready just to be able
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Speaker 1: to eat breakfast, getting up at four o'clock for this
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Speaker 1: whole ritual of going to the toilet and being cleaned
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Speaker 1: and getting being dressed and working with cares to spend
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Speaker 1: three hours to get to the point where he's ready
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Speaker 1: for breakfast at seven o'clock. He doesn't have the option
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Speaker 1: of not doing that. That is just you and I.
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Speaker 1: Hopefully you and I we don't have to deal with
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Speaker 1: that or anything like that. We get to choose our attitude.
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Speaker 1: We get to decide what is what things mean to us.
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Speaker 1: Because you and I have the ability to be able
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Speaker 1: to process data uniquely, we get to concentrate and focus
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Speaker 1: our energy on things that will produce better outcomes. And
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Speaker 1: I'm not, for one minute today trying to be insensitive
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Speaker 1: or uncaring because I know many of you have hardship,
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Speaker 1: many of you have trauma, many of you have had
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Speaker 1: and still have adversity, and I acknowledge that, and I
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Speaker 1: genuinely feel for you. But at the same time, I
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Speaker 1: know that you want more, and I know that you
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Speaker 1: know that it's not going to accidentally get better. And
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Speaker 1: so while we can acknowledge the unfairness and the adversity
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Speaker 1: and the pain, we can acknowledge that we're not pretending
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Speaker 1: that life is not shit sometimes, or we're not in pain,
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Speaker 1: or that we don't have trauma. We're not we're not
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Speaker 1: unaware of that. We're not ignoring that. We're not pretending
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Speaker 1: life's a Disney movie, because we all know it ain't.
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Speaker 1: But what we're doing is we're going well despite this
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Speaker 1: hard stuff, despite the stuff that's not fair. What can
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Speaker 1: I do? What is one thing that I can do
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Speaker 1: today to create a tiny bit of shift in my life?
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Speaker 1: How can I make my life more of a conscious
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Speaker 1: process unless of an unconscious existence where I'm being swept
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Speaker 1: along in someone else's story, I'm being driven along in
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Speaker 1: someone else's bus. I am just a pawn in someone
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Speaker 1: else's game. And all of these metaphors sound dramatic, but
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Speaker 1: it's true. It's true, like all of us want better,
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Speaker 1: all of us want to grow personally. All of us
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Speaker 1: want happiness, fulfillment, joy, calm. But the question is how
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Speaker 1: do we create that? How do you and I consciously,
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Speaker 1: strategically and courageously design, construct, and inhabit our version of
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Speaker 1: our best life? Whatever that means. Think about how much
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Speaker 1: time people spend when they buy a block of land
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Speaker 1: and they build a house on that. How much time
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Speaker 1: people spend designing, choosing, paying for building this thing that
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Speaker 1: they want to inhabit. They might plan and replan and
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Speaker 1: design and decide and redecide and change their minds. It
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Speaker 1: might be for some people a one, two or three
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Speaker 1: year process to actually build this thing that they're going
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Speaker 1: to live in, to get it just right, to build
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Speaker 1: the house that suits them that they love to be in. Now,
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Speaker 1: if I said what is more important your house or
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Speaker 1: your home or your life? You're going to say to me, well,
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Speaker 1: of course my life is more important. Then I'm going
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Speaker 1: to say, how much time are you spending designing your life?
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Speaker 1: Visualizing what you want, what you need, doing a stock
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Speaker 1: take on your current operating system, on your current outcomes,
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Speaker 1: on your current lifestyle, on your current habits and behaviors.
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Speaker 1: What are you doing? What are you being. What are
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Speaker 1: you creating is the way that you are currently doing life? Working?
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Speaker 1: Are you optimizing what you have to work with? Let's
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Speaker 1: don't worry about or waste energy on what you don't have.
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Speaker 1: I'm sixty. I can sit here and think about, Oh fuck,
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Speaker 1: I wish I was thirty. Oh I finally I'd have
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Speaker 1: done that when I was twenty. Oh I finally I
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Speaker 1: had a known what I guess? What's all bullshit, it's
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Speaker 1: all redundant, doesn't matter because I can't fucking go back
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Speaker 1: in time. I don't have a time machine. I can't
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Speaker 1: change any of it, and it's all a waste of
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Speaker 1: my energy. So what matters is today today? As I
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Speaker 1: said June tenth, what am I going to do today today?
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Speaker 1: What can I do? Craig Hapa, what can I do
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Speaker 1: today to move the needle? What's an idea that I have?
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Speaker 1: What's a decision that I can make? What's an action
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Speaker 1: that I can take? How do I stop wasting energy
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Speaker 1: on bullshit that is out of my control? And how
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Speaker 1: do I start focusing on and investing energy on the
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Speaker 1: things that will give me the best return on that investment.
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Speaker 1: What am I going to do? What is in my control.
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Speaker 1: I want to share with you some questions that and
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Speaker 1: again I say this all the time, but and I
17:45
Speaker 1: said this to the group yesterday after I'd banged on
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Speaker 1: for Nelly six hours. Personal development doesn't matter whose mouth
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Speaker 1: it's coming from, or whose words they are, or what
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Speaker 1: book it's written in, or what program it's in. But
18:01
Speaker 1: all of these things that I share, and I might
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Speaker 1: share some things that don't resonate with you, that are
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Speaker 1: bullshit to you, And I understand and feel free move on,
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Speaker 1: hit the pause button, go and listen to Tony Robbins
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Speaker 1: or whoever, or come back tomorrow or whatever it is.
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Speaker 1: But if I am saying something now that is resonating,
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Speaker 1: the value of you listening to this is not in
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Speaker 1: the listening. That's part of it, I guess, But the
18:23
Speaker 1: real value is in the doing following the listening. If
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Speaker 1: I say something that provokes you or resonates with you,
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Speaker 1: or is meaningful for you, or maybe even makes you
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Speaker 1: a bit emotional, that's not the worst thing in the world.
18:38
Speaker 1: I hope that my words. I hope that my books.
18:42
Speaker 1: I hope that my podcasts. I hope that my seminars
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Speaker 1: and workshops. I hope that for some people, that moment
18:51
Speaker 1: in time, that encounter that intersection with me and my
18:54
Speaker 1: thoughts and ideas will be a starting point for someone.
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Speaker 1: I know that I am not the answer. I know
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Speaker 1: that my words are not the answer, but maybe they're
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Speaker 1: the start because I also know that the only person
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Speaker 1: that can genuinely design your life, create your life, and
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Speaker 1: inhabit your optimal life is you. I can't do it
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Speaker 1: for you. You can't do it for me. The only
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Speaker 1: person in the world that I can change is me.
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Speaker 1: The only life that I can renovate is my own.
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Speaker 1: The only existence I can inhabit is my own existence.
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Speaker 1: I can encourage, support, cheer, educate, inspire, pray. I can
19:33
Speaker 1: do all of that for you. But I can't make
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Speaker 1: a decision for you. I can't take action for you.
19:39
Speaker 1: I can't be brave or courageous for you. I can't
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Speaker 1: have self awareness for you. I can't own up, step up,
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Speaker 1: and look up for you. I can't execute for you.
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Speaker 1: I can't be resilient. I can't do anything for you
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Speaker 1: other than be here for you to encourage, support, and inspire.
19:57
Speaker 1: All of those things the resilience, the work that the energy,
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Speaker 1: the courage, the willingness to do something today. When you
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Speaker 1: hear these words, despite the fact that you didn't fucking
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Speaker 1: plan to do it today, and despite the fact that
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Speaker 1: it's not convenient. Do you know what happens when you
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Speaker 1: do something that's hard and uncomfortable and inconvenient, You change
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Speaker 1: a little bit. You change a little bit because you're
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Speaker 1: working against that weakness. You're working against that internal emotional
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Speaker 1: and psychological resistance. You're working against that fear, that laziness,
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Speaker 1: that procrastination, all of those fucking things that keep you
20:37
Speaker 1: trapped in mediocrity, when you go, fuck it, I don't
20:41
Speaker 1: want to do this, I don't feel like this, but
20:43
Speaker 1: I need to, so I'm going to. When you stop
20:48
Speaker 1: looking for comfort, when you stop looking for accolades, when
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Speaker 1: you stop looking for a round of applause, when you
20:56
Speaker 1: stop looking for someone to validate you or tell you
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Speaker 1: you're awesome or give you a fucking pat on the
21:02
Speaker 1: back for eating a chicken salad. When you stop doing that,
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Speaker 1: then you start to step into your power and out
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Speaker 1: of their power. Because the project is you. You are the project.
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Speaker 1: You are the problem, you are the solution. And yes
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Speaker 1: there will be external problems. We're not saying you're the
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Speaker 1: overarching problem of all. But in terms of you growing,
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Speaker 1: nobody's stopping you from making a decision, even somebody like
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Speaker 1: Joel who's in a wheelchair that I spoke about before.
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Speaker 1: Joel's still learning and growing and evolving. Joel's a dad now,
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Speaker 1: he wasn't when he broke his neck. He's a dad
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Speaker 1: of too, He's a husband. He's becoming a great speaker,
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Speaker 1: he's becoming his condition. His body doesn't define him. His
21:53
Speaker 1: body affects his life, but it doesn't determine his life.
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Speaker 1: His level of function is a very It is a
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Speaker 1: factor that needs to be navigated and negotiated. But it
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Speaker 1: isn't a death sentence, that's for sure, And it isn't
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Speaker 1: all determining in his story because his story is yet
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Speaker 1: to be written. The rest of his chapters are yet
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Speaker 1: to be written. And he can get up every day
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Speaker 1: and feel sorry for himself, which by the way, would
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Speaker 1: be understandable, wouldn't it. And he can do that, and
22:29
Speaker 1: he did that for a minute, and he said that,
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Speaker 1: But after you do that for a while, and after
22:34
Speaker 1: you immerse yourself in all of that stuff, which again
22:37
Speaker 1: I say is understandable, But then what you still wake
22:40
Speaker 1: up one day and you're still in a wheelchair? So
22:46
Speaker 1: is that hard? Is that unfair? Incredibly fucking hard? Incredibly unfair?
22:51
Speaker 1: Does life suck? Life sucks? His life? Beautiful? Life is beautiful,
22:55
Speaker 1: Life is all of it and none of it. Life
22:59
Speaker 1: is met and mayhem, enjoy and euphoria. And in the
23:02
Speaker 1: middle of all of that shit is you. Is me
23:04
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what is success for you? So
23:10
Speaker 1: what is success for you? Like when you think about
23:12
Speaker 1: your best life? What does that mean? And if you
23:16
Speaker 1: can't figure that out right now or you can't give
23:19
Speaker 1: me an answer, that's okay. But I know that you
23:23
Speaker 1: don't want to be a failure, So therefore I automatically
23:26
Speaker 1: know do you want to be a success? Great? What
23:30
Speaker 1: is that? And let me tell you, if you can't
23:31
Speaker 1: define it, it's very fucking hard to create the thing
23:33
Speaker 1: you can't identify or define? What does success mean for you?
23:38
Speaker 1: And then you go, but well it's so big, I
23:40
Speaker 1: get it. So what about success in your career? What
23:44
Speaker 1: does that look like? What about success within the context
23:48
Speaker 1: of your relationships? What does success mean? And it doesn't
23:52
Speaker 1: need to be mind blowing. It might success in your
23:56
Speaker 1: marriage or your relationship or your relationship with kids, mum
24:00
Speaker 1: and dad, or simply whatever. It might just be that
24:02
Speaker 1: you get on great. It might just be that you
24:05
Speaker 1: spend quality time together. It might just mean that you
24:08
Speaker 1: give love and get love, and that success amazing. Success
24:14
Speaker 1: for you might be earning enough money to tick all
24:18
Speaker 1: the boxes you need to live practically, and maybe an
24:20
Speaker 1: extra ten or twenty grand a year so you're not
24:22
Speaker 1: going backwards, and that's that. Maybe success for you is
24:26
Speaker 1: building a billion dollar organization. Again, there's no right or wrong,
24:30
Speaker 1: but there's right or wrong for you. What is success
24:34
Speaker 1: for you in terms of that internal world. We're so
24:38
Speaker 1: externally focused when we think about the internal world, which
24:42
Speaker 1: is the place where living happens. The external world is
24:47
Speaker 1: the place where life happens. But the living, the feeling,
24:51
Speaker 1: the emotion, the joy of the pain, the pleasure, the hope,
24:55
Speaker 1: the devastation, the idea, is the creativity, all of that
25:00
Speaker 1: internal juice, that's where it happens. What is success for
25:04
Speaker 1: you in that space? Maybe success for you in your
25:09
Speaker 1: internal world is calm. Maybe it's joy. Maybe it's happiness.
25:13
Speaker 1: Maybe it's creativity. Maybe it's excitement, maybe it's fun. Maybe
25:18
Speaker 1: it's a bit of all of that. Maybe it's something different,
25:21
Speaker 1: Maybe it's satisfaction, maybe it's contentment. But you're not going
25:28
Speaker 1: to accidentally end up there. Maybe some people do. I
25:35
Speaker 1: don't know if I've met someone. I'm sure somebody. I'm
25:37
Speaker 1: sure one or two. But let's just not rely on that.
25:41
Speaker 1: Let's think about what that might look like for us,
25:44
Speaker 1: and what we might need to do to create that,
25:47
Speaker 1: what we might need to hold on to and let
25:49
Speaker 1: go of. What are the things that really matter to
25:52
Speaker 1: you broadly in your life? What are your values? What
25:55
Speaker 1: are those things that if we were going to build
26:00
Speaker 1: set of behaviors and habits and an operating system for
26:05
Speaker 1: this designer life that you want to inhabit, what are
26:09
Speaker 1: the things that we might base that on. What are
26:11
Speaker 1: the things that you value? What are your ethics? What
26:14
Speaker 1: are your morals? What are your goals? Who do you
26:17
Speaker 1: want to be? How do you want to be? How
26:19
Speaker 1: do you want to be for yourself? How do you
26:21
Speaker 1: want to be for others? What do you need to
26:24
Speaker 1: do more of? What do you need to do less of?
26:28
Speaker 1: What do you need to acknowledge that isn't working? Again?
26:32
Speaker 1: Not self loathing, self awareness. It's very hard to design
26:38
Speaker 1: our life to create a structure and a process and
26:42
Speaker 1: a plan and a timeline and accountability to tap into resource.
26:46
Speaker 1: It's very hard to create this operating system if we
26:50
Speaker 1: don't know where the fuck we want to go or
26:53
Speaker 1: why the fuck we want to go there. What happens when,
27:01
Speaker 1: in the context of this design of life, Now we've
27:04
Speaker 1: got our plan, we've got our structure, we've got our process,
27:06
Speaker 1: we've got our KPIs, we've got our timeline. What happens
27:10
Speaker 1: we wake up tomorrow and we don't have any motivation?
27:15
Speaker 1: What do you do then? What's your post motivation plan?
27:20
Speaker 1: What happens when people discourage you, when people criticize you,
27:24
Speaker 1: when people are unfair, when people shit on you, that's
27:27
Speaker 1: going to happen. You need to rely on you. That
27:32
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're going to be, you know, Robinson
27:37
Speaker 1: Crusoe in an ocean of humanity on your own little island.
27:42
Speaker 1: But we don't want to be dependent on other people
27:47
Speaker 1: to keep us emotionally and psychologically buoyant. It's great when
27:53
Speaker 1: we've got support, it's great when people are cheering us
27:56
Speaker 1: on and loving us. But if you can only keep
27:59
Speaker 1: doing the thing things that you need to do to
28:01
Speaker 1: live your best life in the presence of a fan
28:05
Speaker 1: club or a round of applause or a standing ovation,
28:10
Speaker 1: or a trophy or a pat on the back or
28:12
Speaker 1: some kind of accolade. Then you're in trouble. I've spoken
28:20
Speaker 1: about the e Myth before, which is a book written
28:23
Speaker 1: by Gerber Gub and he talks about this idea of
28:30
Speaker 1: working on the business and the difficulty that comes in
28:34
Speaker 1: working on the business having that kind of macro view
28:37
Speaker 1: of the business. When you are immersed in the micro
28:40
Speaker 1: the day, the day, the day to day, the minute
28:42
Speaker 1: to minute, the business of being in it, it's very
28:45
Speaker 1: hard to be objective about the thing that you're in
28:48
Speaker 1: the middle of. And you know, for me, it's always
28:55
Speaker 1: been important that I found a way to metaphorically and
29:03
Speaker 1: sometimes geographically get away from my day to day, get
29:10
Speaker 1: away from the momentum and the continuity of my typical
29:19
Speaker 1: you know, situation or environment or job or even relationship
29:23
Speaker 1: or circumstance or lifestyle or whatever it was. And there
29:28
Speaker 1: have been many times in my life where I knew
29:30
Speaker 1: that something wasn't working optimally. It was kind of okay,
29:33
Speaker 1: but it definitely wasn't optimal. It wasn't giving me a
29:36
Speaker 1: lot of joy, But in the moment, in the situation,
29:40
Speaker 1: immersed in the middle of it, it's hard. It's hard
29:44
Speaker 1: to see the things that you can see when you're
29:49
Speaker 1: away from it. It's hard when you're in the middle
29:51
Speaker 1: of it. Just like when you're in the house, it's
29:54
Speaker 1: hard to see the house because you're in a room.
29:56
Speaker 1: But when you're on the other side of the street,
29:58
Speaker 1: when you're away from that house, when you've got a
30:00
Speaker 1: different perspective, you have a level of objectivity and understanding
30:04
Speaker 1: of what is in front of you, because now you
30:07
Speaker 1: can oh, you go, oh my god, the house is
30:09
Speaker 1: on fire. I can see it from out here. But
30:12
Speaker 1: when I was sitting in the crapper reading the newspaper
30:15
Speaker 1: and the spare room is on fire. This is a
30:17
Speaker 1: terrible metaphor I acknowledge, or a terrible analogy, but we
30:23
Speaker 1: have to sometimes get away. For me, I've spent many
30:26
Speaker 1: times in my life hitting the pause button on something,
30:29
Speaker 1: stopping something, and I've spoken probably ten times over the
30:35
Speaker 1: course of fifteen hundred episodes about hitting the pause button
30:39
Speaker 1: on my life for ten days and going to Queensland
30:41
Speaker 1: by myself when I was very, very very busy under
30:46
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure, owning multiple businesses with one hundred
30:49
Speaker 1: plus staff and doing a lot of things, and on
30:53
Speaker 1: the outside looking very successful and very accomplished and very
30:58
Speaker 1: competent and ticking lots of box And if you were
31:02
Speaker 1: a fly on the wall or an observer perhaps looking
31:07
Speaker 1: from the outside in, you would think Craig's going great,
31:10
Speaker 1: he's killing at his succeeding. And while those things were
31:14
Speaker 1: objectively true, depending on how we evaluate success, if it
31:18
Speaker 1: was about commercial and financial success and brand and business,
31:22
Speaker 1: well yes one. But that's all the external stuff. But
31:26
Speaker 1: the internal stuff for me was a nightmare. The internal
31:29
Speaker 1: stuff was chaos and stress and anxiety and overthinking and
31:34
Speaker 1: overreacting and poor sleep and poor mental and emotional health
31:37
Speaker 1: and all of these things. And so these two states
31:41
Speaker 1: of external success and internal chaos can coexist. Not only
31:47
Speaker 1: can they, they do often. I don't do heaps of
31:53
Speaker 1: one on one work anymore. I still do a little bit,
31:58
Speaker 1: but in my experience, the people that I've worked with
32:06
Speaker 1: that would be considered in our culture or our society
32:10
Speaker 1: to be towards the successful slash extremely successful end of
32:17
Speaker 1: the scale in general terms, more anxious, more of an overthinker,
32:24
Speaker 1: worse sleep, more likely to be medicated for depression and
32:29
Speaker 1: or anxiety and or sleeplessness. And often despite the success
32:36
Speaker 1: in inverted commas that was happening in their life, in
32:40
Speaker 1: that internal world, they were often emotionally, mentally spiritually bankrupt
32:47
Speaker 1: outside looking in amazing, inside out state shit ouse. That's
32:54
Speaker 1: not to say one causes the other, but that is
32:57
Speaker 1: to say that there is not necessarily a positive correlation
33:01
Speaker 1: between external success the situation, the appearance, and internal cess
33:07
Speaker 1: success the feeling or the state or the experience. And
33:13
Speaker 1: when I got away from my life for ten days,
33:15
Speaker 1: I realized I had a level of perspective, awareness, understanding,
33:19
Speaker 1: and insight that I couldn't get in the business in
33:22
Speaker 1: the mayhem, in the flow, in the momentum of my
33:27
Speaker 1: from when I got out of bed to when I
33:29
Speaker 1: went to bed. It's like all my minutes were taken
33:32
Speaker 1: with stuff. But when I got away from that, I
33:36
Speaker 1: didn't do any work. I didn't have any phone calls,
33:39
Speaker 1: I didn't use a computer. I didn't have any conversations
33:44
Speaker 1: for ten days with anyone from my life, friends, family, work.
33:49
Speaker 1: I completely got away to think about am I living
33:55
Speaker 1: the life that works for me? Do I does my
34:00
Speaker 1: life reflect who I am and how I want to be.
34:04
Speaker 1: Is it working? And do you know what, It's not
34:08
Speaker 1: that I was doing anything bad or wrong, but it
34:12
Speaker 1: just didn't work for me. And I said this to
34:15
Speaker 1: someone yesterday. I said this to someone yesterday, and that
34:21
Speaker 1: is that like in life, things have a used by date.
34:25
Speaker 1: And when we think of a use by date, we
34:26
Speaker 1: think of bread and milk and stuff in boxes and cans.
34:31
Speaker 1: But also sometimes careers have a use by date. Sometimes
34:34
Speaker 1: relationships have a use by date. Sometimes habits and behaviors
34:38
Speaker 1: work and then they don't work. They expire. And for me,
34:43
Speaker 1: there was a long time where working in gyms, training people,
34:46
Speaker 1: being on the gym floor building business building brand, you know,
34:50
Speaker 1: training trainers in that space where it was all about
34:53
Speaker 1: the body and health and fitness. For the most part,
34:57
Speaker 1: it was great and then eventually it wasn't. And it
35:00
Speaker 1: wasn't because it became bad. It was because I evolved.
35:04
Speaker 1: And then when I evolved or I changed, or my
35:07
Speaker 1: focus shifted, then my life had to change. How I
35:11
Speaker 1: lived and how I worked, and what I paid attention
35:13
Speaker 1: to and what I learned and how I executed the
35:16
Speaker 1: things I wanted to do in my job and beyond.
35:20
Speaker 1: But sometimes in order to get that level of awareness
35:23
Speaker 1: and insight and perspective, one we've got to get away,
35:26
Speaker 1: either literally or metaphorically. And then two we need to
35:30
Speaker 1: be brave. We need to be brave because it means
35:33
Speaker 1: that quite often we need to go backwards to go forwards.
35:38
Speaker 1: It means that we might have to make decisions and
35:41
Speaker 1: do things that in the short to medium term might
35:45
Speaker 1: not suit us, or might not be comfortable, or might
35:50
Speaker 1: even alienate us from people that we care about. But
35:55
Speaker 1: we can't make personal decisions perpetually, periodically of course, where
36:00
Speaker 1: we put ourselves second because we love someone and they
36:03
Speaker 1: are the priority, and part of our life is to
36:05
Speaker 1: serve and love and be somewhat selfless, but not perpetually
36:12
Speaker 1: where we are just a doormat, an emotional doormat, and
36:16
Speaker 1: like I said, a character in someone else's story. I
36:18
Speaker 1: don't think that's anyone's purpose. It's nice to be nice,
36:24
Speaker 1: it's not nice to be used. And so you know,
36:28
Speaker 1: sometimes that means making a decision, that means changing a behavior,
36:34
Speaker 1: something that will make you better and your life better
36:37
Speaker 1: and your results better and your internal state better, that
36:41
Speaker 1: might piss someone else off. Because they don't want you changing.
36:45
Speaker 1: They want you to go out three nights a week
36:47
Speaker 1: drinking booze with them. It doesn't suit them for you
36:51
Speaker 1: to be different. It doesn't suit them for you to
36:53
Speaker 1: go on a fucking health kick. It doesn't suit them. Right,
36:58
Speaker 1: That's okay. It's not your job to keep everyone in
37:01
Speaker 1: the world happy, just like it's not mine. Your life
37:07
Speaker 1: is always giving you results and data and information. Right now,
37:13
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in my office at home. It's on the
37:17
Speaker 1: first floor. I've got all of these amazing windows that
37:20
Speaker 1: look out onto all these beautiful trees that I have
37:23
Speaker 1: in my yard. Downstairs, I have a recording studio. And
37:29
Speaker 1: I'm not saying any of this to sound great. I'm
37:31
Speaker 1: saying this because for me, I realized that if I'm
37:35
Speaker 1: going to work a lot, I want to work in
37:37
Speaker 1: an environment that I like. I wanted to create a
37:42
Speaker 1: workspace and energy that for me is conducive to calm
37:48
Speaker 1: and creativity and concentration and efficiency and productivity. And I
37:53
Speaker 1: did that. So when I go to work in inverted commas,
37:57
Speaker 1: I'm in a place I want to be. Environment that's nice.
38:02
Speaker 1: I'm in an energy space that really works for me.
38:08
Speaker 1: But I didn't accidentally end up with this. I chose this.
38:12
Speaker 1: I built this, I created this. I realized, as most
38:18
Speaker 1: of you know, when I was young, that I didn't
38:20
Speaker 1: want a typical job. I wanted to work, I just
38:22
Speaker 1: didn't want a typical job. If I had have followed
38:26
Speaker 1: the paradigm, if I have followed the status quo, if
38:30
Speaker 1: I had have stayed on the proverbial conveyor belt or
38:33
Speaker 1: in the proverbial river, I would have just gone with
38:36
Speaker 1: the flow and got a job and clocked in at
38:38
Speaker 1: nine and clocked out at five or the equivalent. And
38:42
Speaker 1: while that is not a bad thing for many people,
38:45
Speaker 1: that is a great thing. For me, that is not
38:47
Speaker 1: a great thing. And I knew that. And in order
38:50
Speaker 1: for me to design my life, in order for me
38:52
Speaker 1: to build a life and inhabit a life that reflected
38:56
Speaker 1: how and who I wanted to be and my values,
38:59
Speaker 1: I need to I needed to figure out how do
39:01
Speaker 1: I do life without having a job, How do I
39:06
Speaker 1: support myself, how do I create income? How do I
39:09
Speaker 1: build a business? How do I build a brand? And
39:12
Speaker 1: how do I build something that intersects with my passion
39:15
Speaker 1: and the things I'm curious about and the things that
39:17
Speaker 1: I want to do anyway. I don't want to do
39:20
Speaker 1: them because they make money. I just want to do them.
39:22
Speaker 1: And also by the way it makes money, that is great.
39:28
Speaker 1: So many times I sit and I'll talk to somebody
39:30
Speaker 1: that I meet, and we might talk for an hour,
39:35
Speaker 1: and I end up where I'm talking about the stuff
39:37
Speaker 1: that I'm talking about now, because that's just where the
39:40
Speaker 1: conversation goes, and I'm essentially giving someone a coaching session
39:46
Speaker 1: that I'm not being paid for, and I'm doing it
39:49
Speaker 1: joyfully because I love talking about human performance and happiness
39:55
Speaker 1: and the human condition. I love that this is not
39:59
Speaker 1: hard for me. This is not which is not say
40:02
Speaker 1: I'm perfect at it. I'm definitely not not say I
40:04
Speaker 1: don't fuck up or get things wrong, but this is not.
40:09
Speaker 1: This is I don't sit here and think, oh god,
40:13
Speaker 1: I've got to do a podcast, Oh God, I've got
40:16
Speaker 1: to try and come up with something, and you know, shit,
40:19
Speaker 1: how quickly can I get this done? And I don't.
40:22
Speaker 1: I don't think like that. The only thing that I
40:24
Speaker 1: think is, well, not the only thing, But I guess
40:29
Speaker 1: my focus is can I do a good job. Can
40:32
Speaker 1: I talk about something that's relevant and meaningful? Can I
40:36
Speaker 1: share with them something that might be of value to them,
40:38
Speaker 1: that might be a catalyst for them, that might be
40:41
Speaker 1: perhaps a starting point for them. So how do I
40:50
Speaker 1: want to finish this? So we all inhabit a life.
40:54
Speaker 1: We're all we're all going through life. We're all making
40:56
Speaker 1: decisions or not making decisions in some instances. We've all
41:00
Speaker 1: got potential. We've all got certain genetics. We've all got
41:03
Speaker 1: twenty four hours in a day. We're all we have
41:06
Speaker 1: certain personality and certain goals and dreams and visions and aspirations.
41:11
Speaker 1: We've all got a certain amount or type of resources.
41:17
Speaker 1: I think most of you listening to this. I could
41:19
Speaker 1: be wrong, but I would think that most of you
41:21
Speaker 1: want to do better, think better, create better, produce better
41:24
Speaker 1: on some level, not with your whole life, but part
41:27
Speaker 1: of your life. Perhaps what does that look like for you?
41:32
Speaker 1: Some of you have heard me over a thousand times.
41:36
Speaker 1: And I don't say this because I want to be
41:38
Speaker 1: brutal or I want to I say this because I
41:40
Speaker 1: care about you. And sometimes some of you have heard
41:42
Speaker 1: me for a thousand times and had a thousand light
41:44
Speaker 1: bulbs and done not much. And if you have done it,
41:50
Speaker 1: if you have done much, if you have created, then congratulations,
41:54
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you. But if you're the one day
41:57
Speaker 1: soon person, or that it's not the right time person,
42:00
Speaker 1: nor it's the this is too inconvenient right now, or
42:03
Speaker 1: you don't understand my life, maybe that is true. But
42:07
Speaker 1: if that has been the story for the last hundred days,
42:10
Speaker 1: the last two hundred days, the last five years, ten years,
42:13
Speaker 1: maybe it's not true. Or maybe it is true. But
42:16
Speaker 1: still in the middle of the inconvenience, in the middle
42:19
Speaker 1: of the discomfort, in the middle of the uncertainty, maybe
42:23
Speaker 1: you still need to do something. Don't hate me, love
42:28
Speaker 1: your guts, See you tomorrow.