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The 7 Principles for Confident, Intentional Parenting: The Guiding Mindset · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Guiding Parent Podcast,
• 0:02
  where you'll find the mindset and tools
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  to parent with greater confidence, clarity, and purpose,
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  even when there aren't any easy answers.
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  Together, we're going to explore
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  how to better nurture and guide our children,
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  to support who they are and who they're becoming,
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  so that they can fulfill their unique potential
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  and thrive in our ever-changing world.
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  I'm Tammy Ulrich, your host,
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  parenting and early childhood educator,
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  mom, and most fun, Gammy.
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  And I'm Shannon, your co-host.
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  I'm Tammy's daughter and mom
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  to a very energetic little dude called H.
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  We're glad you're here.
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  Let's get started.
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  Hello, welcome back to the Guiding Mindset Podcast.
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  So our last episode, we went over who we are.
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  And this episode, we're going to dive into
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  just what is the guiding mindset,
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  so that you have the framework.
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  So mom, what's the guiding mindset?
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  The guiding mindset is how we think about parenting.
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  There are seven interconnected principles
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  that provide the framework and the tools
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  so that we can better understand our kids
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  and how to best nurture and guide them.
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  There's a lot of parent advice out there.
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  And most of it tends to be something like,
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  if your child does A, then you do B,
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  then it will all happily result in C.
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  Well, that might work some of the time,
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  but it doesn't work for every situation or child.
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  Kids are unique little individuals, and so are parents.
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  So situations vary.
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  And what's right for one child or one family
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  may not be right for another.
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  There just isn't a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all answer.
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  So with the guiding mindset and the seven principles,
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  whatever the situation, whatever the age or stage,
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  we're going to be able to respond intentionally
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  in that moment, but also in a manner
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  that supports our kids' development
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  and the unfolding of the potential
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  and their becoming just who they're meant to be.
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  That's awesome, mom.
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  So what's our first principle?
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  It starts with you.
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  You mean it starts with me?
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  Yeah, well, we all want to go and default
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  right to figuring out our kids,
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  but we really have to consider ourselves first,
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  do a little inner work, looking within.
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  So to do that, we need to consider
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  what do we want to bring to parenting
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  in any given situation?
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  The kids are learning from and responding
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  to the world around them, and that includes us.
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  We are like the biggest influence.
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  So we need to take the time to know
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  what we bring as parents from our own upbringing
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  and what kind of parent do we want to be?
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  Ask questions like, how was I parented?
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  What do I want to keep?
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  What do I want to do differently?
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  But however we were parented, the world's changed
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  and it keeps changing, so we need to be able
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  to parent in a way that supports our kids
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  to be able to succeed in the world
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  that they're going to find themselves as adults.
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  We also need to consider what are my buttons?
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  We've all got those, those things that irk us
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  that our kids do that cause us to react
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  less than in a positive way.
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  So by just being aware of that,
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  we can then respond more calmly
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  rather than let it really get us.
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  And then in any given moment,
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  particularly when those buttons get pushed,
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  what's going on for me that might be preventing
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  my reacting calmly?
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  Like, was I busy and I forgot to eat lunch again
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  so I'm reacting because I'm a bit hangry?
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  So how more specifically does this help
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  with our interactions with our kids?
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  Well, it allows you to parent with intention
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  so that you move from parenting unconsciously
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  and reactively to having an awareness
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  and understanding yourself,
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  knowing who you want to be as a parent,
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  and then what matters most to you for your child
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  so that then you can make conscious
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  and intentional choices and decisions
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  and how you are with them.
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  So there's a question that we can ask
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  for each of these principles.
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  So for this first one, our question is,
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  what part of this situation belongs to me?
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  That's great.
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  What's our next one?
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  Appreciate the miracle.
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  Now, it really is quite miraculous.
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  Children come into the world with everything within them
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  to become who they're meant to be.
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  They have this inner drive or essence
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  that guides their growth and their development.
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  And it's up to the nurture then from the environment
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  for that to evolve and to become.
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  This is their potential that we talk about.
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  So an example of this,
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  we see this in a lot of ways in development,
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  but brain development is a great example.
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  Kids come in with all the neurons
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  that they need ready to go,
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  but it's the interactions and the experiences
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  that create the synapses that literally build their brains.
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  So another example is learning to walk and talk.
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  In just a short time,
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  they do that without any real instruction.
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  We just are there supporting and guiding them.
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  Kids are wired with this innate drive
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  for the experiences that they need for their development.
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  So we need to appreciate how miraculous that is
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  and work with that inner essence.
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  So how do we actually do that?
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  By really knowing and appreciating
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  who this unique little person in front of you is.
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  Now, what is their temperament?
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  What are their interests?
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  What are they driven toward at any given time?
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  What are their own little quirks
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  or particular little needs?
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  So by connecting and observing,
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  we can just get to know who is this little person.
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  And then as Montessori would say, follow the child.
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  It sounds like it can lead to less struggle,
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  a shift from trying to mold a child
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  into a specific version of what we think they should be
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  into seeing them with maybe our curiosity
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  and discovering and supporting who they really are
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  and their inner essence and potential.
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  Absolutely, that's exactly right.
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  So for this particular principle,
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  appreciate the miracle we're asking,
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  how am I staying true to who my child is?
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  That's great.
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  What's our next one?
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  Nurture connection.
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  This really is the foundation for everything else.
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  It's through relationship that we support our kids.
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  It's through relationship that we guide and teach.
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  And it's through relationship that we have influence.
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  Their development, their learning, their behavior,
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  their mental health and their future relationships
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  are all shaped by our connection.
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  How we communicate also has such an impact on this
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  and it can make or break our connection.
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  It's all about how we listen and respond
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  and work through feelings together
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  so that everyone feels heard and understood,
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  accepted and respected.
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  There's a saying, connection before correction.
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  We all have difficult moments,
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  but we definitely need to be sure we connect first.
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  So if I am super connected,
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  does that mean I automatically have a child
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  that's gonna do what I tell them?
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  Yeah, if only.
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  But with connection,
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  we are more likely to invite cooperation.
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  So we get a lot closer to getting there
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  and having them work with us and things go smoothly
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  than if we end up in a power struggle.
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  But it also sounds like in creating this connected culture
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  that it extends beyond just a parent-child relationship,
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  but really can foster a whole family culture.
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  Definitely.
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  We want to be teaching our children
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  that everyone in the family needs to be loved and cared for,
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  that we're all in it together.
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  When our family relationships are strong,
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  the whole family functions better.
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  And we just set up this idea
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  that we all take care of each other.
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  So the question that we ask for this principle is,
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  how can I strengthen our connection?
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  I love that.
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  What's next?
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  Guide the whole child.
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  Development is holistic.
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  We often have this tendency to pay particular attention
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  to our kids' physical development.
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  We make sure they're fed and watered.
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  And we're paying attention to their cognitive development
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  that they're learning.
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  But really the body, the brain, and the heart,
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  they're all interconnected.
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  And they're all very important to the whole.
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  The physical, the social, the emotional,
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  the cognitive, language, spiritual,
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  all of these come into play
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  and are interconnected and work together.
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  And we need all of them to really understand
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  how our children best learn and develop.
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  By understanding our kids' development,
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  then it also helps us to better understand them.
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  Why do they do the things they do?
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  And why don't they always do
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  what we think they should be able to do?
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  For instance, temper tantrums.
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  For a two-year-old, it's to be expected developmentally.
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  As much as we might like to be able
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  to teach or train it out of them,
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  it's a developmental part of being two.
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  And so having that understanding
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  helps us to ease our frustration,
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  have a little bit more empathy and compassion
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  for this little person that is,
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  just can't hold all these big emotions.
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  We can adjust our expectations
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  and then we can respond with guidance and support
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  that they need in that moment.
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  Is there a way that we know
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  what's developmentally appropriate?
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  Well, it takes us back to the principle
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  to appreciate the miracle, knowing your child,
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  as well as nurturing connection.
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  When we connect and we observe,
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  they really do show us who they are and what they mean.
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  And there's lots of resources that can help us
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  be more aware of those developmental milestones and such.
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  You can check out our website for resources.
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  And there's also gonna soon be a book you can purchase,
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  The Guiding Parent.
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  Also, this is exactly the kind of thing
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  we'll be talking about today.
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  Throughout our different episodes on our podcast.
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  The newsletter is also on our website
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  and you can subscribe.
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  Absolutely.
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  So there's lots of ways that you can find out more
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  about how to utilize these principles.
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  So a question for guiding the whole child is,
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  what's happening developmentally?
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  What needs or learning is needed?
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  All right, next.
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  The next principle is feed the spirit.
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  This is all about connecting with our child's
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  and our own wonder, curiosity.
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  And that's something that's beyond ourselves
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  to nurture that natural sense of awe and discovery
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  and our search for meaning and purpose.
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  All of our human inventions and progress
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  really comes from here.
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  Our imagination and our creativity.
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  It's also about supporting our kids
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  in developing a strong sense of self
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  and connection to their own inner guidance
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  to be able to know who they are
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  and feel good about who they are.
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  That they have a nice strong self-worth.
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  This is part of their developing values and character
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  and being able to hear that inner voice
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  that helps them to know what feels right and true for them.
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  It includes things like kindness and empathy,
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  having gratitude, as well as experiencing beauty
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  and joy and music, you know, appreciation for the arts.
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  All those little things that make life meaningful
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  and much more worthwhile.
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  It sounds almost spiritual.
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  It really is.
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  We often tend to overlook that spiritual aspect
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  that's such a big part of who we are as humans.
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  You know, it's those mountaintop experiences.
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  It's watching a sunset,
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  stopping to watch a ladybug crawl up a leaf.
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  Those moments of just awe and wonder.
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  It's enjoying and appreciating all that's around us
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  as well as having an awareness of that inner part of us
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  and having our inner knowing and guidance.
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  Makes me think of our experiences in my family
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  of raising monarch caterpillars into butterflies.
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  That's always so cool to see that whole progression
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  from caterpillar to butterfly.
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  I always love doing that with kids.
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  So the question for Feed the Spirit is,
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  does this nourish and protect my child's spirit?
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  What comes next?
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  Preparing with purpose.
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  This principle really helps us to be proactive
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  rather than reactive.
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  By planning ahead, and that includes us,
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  we can prevent so many struggles
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  and save a lot of time and really save our sanity.
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  Rather than reacting, we can anticipate and prepare
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  so that then we can respond a lot more calmly
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  and intentionally.
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  So there's really two parts to this.
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  So we're preparing our child's little world,
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  their environment, our home environments.
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  So we create opportunities for learning and development,
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  things that support their budding independence and autonomy.
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  But it also means creating those routines
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  and those schedules that help everyday life
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  run more smoothly and make sure
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  that we're meeting needs along the way.
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  Then the second part of that is that we're preparing
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  our kids for those everyday life and changes that happen.
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  So helping them know what to expect
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  when things are going to be different,
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  to move through transitions more smoothly,
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  to deal with changes in routines, new experiences,
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  major life events, whatever happens to come our way.
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  So preparing for things from a quick trip
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  to the grocery store with less incidents along the way
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  to maybe an unexpected late bedtime,
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  to grandparents visiting,
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  or maybe even a major move across the country.
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  It's definitely easier to prepare
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  than to try and pick up the pieces.
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  I know my family definitely has a lot of experience
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  with this.
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  Yes, especially the visiting grandparents
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  and moves across the country.
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  So the question for preparing with purpose is quite simply,
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  what preparation is needed?
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  So this leads us to our final principle,
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  which is behavior is communication.
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  This is the principle we all want to start with,
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  but really we need to understand the other principles
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  in order to best decipher the language of behavior
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  and understand what it's communicating.
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  So instead of seeing our child
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  and their behavior is the problem,
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  we look beneath it to understand what's driving it.
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  We can connect, get curious,
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  and then use the principles to understand what's needed
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  and how we should best respond.
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  Difficult behavior really is just mistaken behavior
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  and it's communicating an unmet need.
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  When we come at it with this mindset,
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  it allows us to respond with connection and guidance
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  rather than control and punishment.
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  I love the saying,
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  my child isn't giving me a hard time,
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  they're having a hard time.
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  And so it's up to us to figure out what's going on for them.
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  So our question for behavior is communication is,
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  what is this behavior telling me?
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  I know for me,
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  these principles have really given me so much confidence
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  in knowing what to do
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  and handling any kind of a scenario that comes about.
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  I know that I'm parenting my child in a way
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  that helps them become the fullest version of themselves.
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  And our world is changing so rapidly
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  and I feel like as a guiding parent,
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  I can set up a life that helps my kid thrive
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  in that ever-changing world.
• 14:39
  Absolutely.
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  And along with that,
• 14:41
  what's really important to me
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  is that when we change how we nurture and guide our children,
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  we change what becomes possible for them,
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  for ourselves and ultimately for our world.
• 14:52
  So now everyone has had a quick overview of the principles
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  and we're excited to dive deeper
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  into just a whole variety of parenting situations
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  where we can apply these.
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  We've given you kind of the tip of the iceberg
• 15:04
  of the principles.
• 15:06
  And so for a deeper dive,
• 15:07
  you can visit our website
• 15:08
  and review them in more detail for today
• 15:11
  and as a touchstone to go back to
• 15:14
  as you're listening to future episodes.
• 15:16
  Please be sure to subscribe
• 15:17
  so you don't miss our future episodes.
• 15:19
  You'll find all of our links in the show notes.
• 15:22
  And we'll see you in the next episode.