Latest / Fierce Encouragement / Being Hard on Yourself - Part Two

Transcript

Being Hard on Yourself - Part Two · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is Mark.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the second part of a two-part series I wanted to record, kind of talking about how we show up when we're challenging ourselves, but also how we can create, in the second part, how we can create systems for those of us that might be kind of that anxious high achiever energy.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: So most of us don't fail because we lack that self-discipline.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hear me out.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You might be pushing back from that idea right now.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us don't fail because we lack discipline.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this is something I've run experiments on for years on myself, and that with clients.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: We don't lack the discipline, especially us anxious high achievers.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: We more often fail because we ask ourselves to change while our nervous system is overwhelmed.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: So today isn't about becoming better.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: It really isn't.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's more about asking ourselves to stay where we're at.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: To stay where we're at.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess I want to call this the staying practice.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And this is kind of pulled from some writings and some conversations I've had over the past couple weeks.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it really helps me ground this into something I can apply day to day.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the challenge or the staying practice for you.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: When you notice discomfort rises, most of us take off or leave.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Think back the last 24 hours, the last week.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: When did discomfort rise for you?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And notice what your reaction was.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: No guilt, no shame, but it's that sense of leaving or checking out.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It could be just mentally, right?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: It could also be emotionally, maybe numbing out or burying those things.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to feel them right now.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or even the new flavor of the last decade or two, digitally checking out.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: We will leave digitally so quickly, whether it's sitting on the public transport or just sitting on the couch.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Real change starts to happen when we stay for 20 seconds longer than we usually do.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't framed as a therapy practice or tool or something that we need to get perfect.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, it's framed up as a chance to train our attention to come back to what's really going on.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So practice that staying practice.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: How can you stay for 20 seconds longer than you usually have or that you did this past week?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: There are systems or ways of organizing our work or methods or frameworks, whatever words you want to use.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: But there are ways of working that don't require that extreme motivation.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing is, and this is something that I've been uh practicing with honestly, but it is that environmental honesty.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this goes right back to my addictions, whether they be with sugar or alcohol or the things I over-indulge in to check out emotionally and mentally and even digitally.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: But it's this this environmental honesty.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: If it's in our space, we've already decided.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: If it's in the space we're occupying, we've already decided.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we dupe ourselves or trick ourselves?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Make a commitment to environmental honesty with your work today.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Another idea is this sense of one boring daily anchor.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So often we want these big breakthroughs, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We have these big images or these visions and dreams, just you know, fireworks in the sky.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what about boring daily habits that help you build up that part of you that you want to get better with?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's around movement and exercise.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's around something as simple as like a morning walk with sunshine on your face.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's around creation and writing and starting a podcast, or maybe it is around some athletic goals.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: But how can you have one boring daily anchor that's easy to achieve?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Think on that.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: These really don't require motivation unless we talk to ourselves.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's taking action before you start listening to that voice in your head.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then this kind of ties into the third point I wanted to share.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have that one meaningful action before you start consuming and filling up your mind with email and chat and social media.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: What is your one meaningful action before you start consuming today?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Create before you consume.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Even five minutes counts.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: But also the few coaching conversations I get to have every week.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: But at this point in the month, January is on, and a lot of people have given up on those quote unquote New Year's resolutions.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: What if we don't have to make resolutions, but instead we reframe how we identify ourselves?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, how can we look at ourselves in a different way?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I ask myself, what would wisdom look like and walk like and talk like today?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not someday, but today.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Who would I be at my most wise?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe most loving or most patient or most hopeful?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And how would that version of me stand and eat and speak and rest and move through the day?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: See it, not perfection though.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I say that with a lot of uh emotion.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really good about thinking the, you know, the perfect day.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: What would that look like?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't help me because it freezes me up.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So let go of perfect if that's stopping you, and just practice that presence.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: What would that loving version of you look like today?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: How would they eat and rest and speak?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a simple tool that I'd like to give you as a listeners.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I've kind of shared two or three things already today, but this one we're really grounded, and if you choose one of them, do this one instead of the others.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the 20 seconds stay.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're anxious, name it.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Name the emotion or the feeling that's in your body.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I challenge you to stay 20 seconds longer and then take one deliberate next small action, anyways.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to take on a new challenge, how can you stay 20 seconds longer when you feel like running away or giving up or indulging other things digitally, emotionally, that'll help protect you?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And really, if you want help building a pattern, a way, a method of working with yourself that does not rely on force or pushing too hard, the link in the show notes is a great way to have a quick strategy call with me.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear from you.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: So this episode does not require us to be perfect.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: It really is just asking us to stay with what's coming up, not to be fake, but what is our lived experience?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this is exactly what people are craving that internal fierce encouragement, that heart of showing up for ourselves and being deliberate and having fun and knowing that you're worth it.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, again, my name is Mark.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you for sharing your time with me today.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: What did you get out of this?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's the one thing you're taking away?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, that 20 second stay tool will be something that you'll pin into your day and get a little bit better at.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, I really appreciate you.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have a great day, a great evening wherever you're at, and we will see you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, take care of yourself.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Bye bye.