Latest / LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships / #22: Rat Park Study | My Kid Spends All Their Time in Their Room: How Loneliness Can Be the Cause of Addiction

Transcript

#22: Rat Park Study | My Kid Spends All Their Time in Their Room: How Loneliness Can Be the Cause of Addiction · LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a parent of an adult child, worried and frustrated because they are struggling to become independent, responsible, and find purpose in their life, or you want to know what to do to prevent it, you're in the right place.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is Launch, a podcast that helps you guide your adult child to launch confidently into adulthood.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jones, author, educator, and co-parenting consultant, taking a deep dive into the ongoing challenges that you're faced with as you watch your adult child struggle.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode will deliver actionable steps and strategies that you can take to help your young adult become confident, motivated, and self-sufficient.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, if you want your adult child to achieve a life of independence, thrive in this world, and reach their full potential, then listen in to launch.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Who remembers one of the most chilling lines ever spoken in a movie?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so not a fan of horror films, but the first time I heard the call is coming from inside the house, I nearly lost my mind.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: It hit such a nerve for me because our home is supposed to be our safe haven.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: The danger is always outside, allegedly.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this episode might be just as unsettling because the problem I'm addressing today, which is affecting millions of young adults, an epidemic, in fact, has the same eerie context.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's happening inside their homes.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let me start off by asking you this where is your adult child right now?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: If they're alone in their room, door closed, gaming headset on, scrolling social media, binging on YouTube videos, and maybe even high, you've got a problem on your hands.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: But my guess is you already know that.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Today, more and more young adults are living in a sort of catatonic isolation.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they're lazy, not because they're defiant, not even because they want to.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're overwhelmed, fearful, anxious, depressed, disconnected, and very, very lonely.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Their room might feel like a safe space to you and to them, but it's an illusion.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because while you think they're protected, more harm is happening behind that door than if they were roaming around out in the world.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't believe me, let me share this alarming fact with you.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: In the US, the odds of a child being abducted by a stranger are about one in 300,000.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the likelihood of them struggling with an addiction are nearly one in seven.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, over 70% of young adults drink, over 40% use cannabis, and millions are losing themselves to gaming, scrolling, and vaping.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Something is happening to many young adults today, and it's happening right under our noses.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't look the same in every home, but the pattern is very similar.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: They stop working or going to school, they begin to withdraw, disconnect from friends and family, and escape into their own world, and we slowly start to lose them.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when my son went through this, his stage of spending hours alone in the basement.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It looked innocent at first.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: He was video gaming with his headset on, talking to strangers on the other side of the world.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes he would go to a friend's house, but they would do the exact same thing.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I justified it.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's inside, he's safe.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: It could be worse, I thought.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: He could be partying somewhere, getting into all kinds of trouble.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew in the back of my mind that all the gaming wasn't healthy.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sitting around for hours, locked onto a screen, engaged in violent visuals, even forgetting to eat, it was terrifying for me.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: What impact was all of this having on my kid?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing good, I thought to myself.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing good.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I let my son know that I wasn't a fan of all the video gaming.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I told him I thought it was excessive at times and often reminded him to get out and do something.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I also made sure he understood that his grades and sports, family and friends were much more important.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't easy to navigate it at the time, but once he went off to university, his schedule filled up with assignments, group projects, and exams, he made new friends, and eventually gaming became just one way to unwind.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not the case for every kid.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my point.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: As parents, our number one priority is to protect our kids from danger, which we assume is outside our home, whether it's abductions, accidents, or drugs.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: But the real danger can be in the quiet of their rooms, the endless hours spent alone, the lack of meaningful connections, and the non-existent level of physical activity.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into this episode where I reveal to you the shocking truth why your adult child is struggling with addiction and what you can do to help.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'll begin with this groundbreaking study that was done years ago.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't heard of it yet, it'll blow your mind.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's famously called Rat Park, and it was designed in the late 70s by a Canadian psychologist named Dr.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bruce Alexander, who started questioning the way researchers were studying addiction.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Up until then, almost every major experiment followed the same setup.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: A single rat was placed alone in a small cage and given two choices: one bottle of plain water and one laced with morphine.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, each time the rats chose the drugged water, and they'd continue drinking it until they would overdose and die.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Researchers took that as proof that drugs were inherently addictive.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: But Dr.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Alexander saw something different.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: He noticed that the rats were using the drugs in complete isolation.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: They had nothing else to do, no other rats to interact with, no spinning wheel to play on, and he wondered, is it really the drugs that's the problem, or is it the environment?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So he built something no one had tried before, and he called it Rat Park.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was spacious, clean, filled with good food, toys, tunnels, activity wheels, nesting material, and most importantly, other rats.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: They could play, mate, explore, and move freely around.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The setup obviously also included the two bottles, one with morphine and one with good clean water.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: In this new environment, the rats behaved radically different.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: In Rat Park, they refused the morphine-laced water and preferred to drink the clean water.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Even the rats that had been previously addicted while in isolation reduced or stopped drinking the water, the drugged water altogether, once they were placed into this social and stimulating environment.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: The same brain, the same drug.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: The only difference was what surrounded them.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Social connection, mental stimulation, and physical activity.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It changed everything.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Alexander didn't stop with Rat Park.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: That was just the beginning.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: What he wanted to do was examine the bigger picture.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: What do humans really need in order to thrive?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: He believed that addiction isn't just about personal weakness or brain chemistry.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's about being disconnected.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: He called it dislocation, an epidemic where people, especially young adults, feel cut off from community, purpose, and physical activity.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're wondering why your kid is struggling with an addiction or even with anxiety and depression, it's most likely because they are stuck inside the house where they are socially disconnected, physically inactive, and emotionally unstimulated.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have any idea how damaging isolation is to the human mind?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Even amongst hardened criminals, solitary confinement is considered the most extreme form of punishment because it strips people of the one thing we need most: connection.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Being locked up in a small cell with no conversation, no touch, no interaction, and absolutely nothing to do causes the toughest inmates to unravel under those conditions.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Studies show that solitary confinement can lead to panic attacks, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, hallucinations, paranoia, difficulty thinking clearly, and emotional breakdowns.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And why?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because the human brain is not wired for isolation.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So when that becomes a regular part of your young adult's life, you need to stop thinking this is just a phase that your kid will grow out of.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It can become a real mental health crisis.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Young people who are spending hours alone, glued to their screens, gaming late into the night, smoking weed to take the edge off, or drinking to numb the pain, are in their own solitary confinement.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: If I can compare these kids to the rats in Dr.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Alexander's study, their room is their cage.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that cage is social isolation, boredom, lack of purpose, inactivity, no accountability, and no community.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the danger is, inside our homes, right under our noses.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So what's the solution?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's not just saying no to drugs and alcohol or limiting screen time and gaming.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: The real way out of this is through physical connection, purpose, movement, and belonging.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And those things don't happen in isolation.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason why programs like AA work.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just the 12 steps, it's the community, the accountability, the shared struggle.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: People recover when they stop feeling alone and start feeling seen, heard, and supported.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if your young adult has slipped into any one of these patterns, ask yourself, what's missing from their life?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Are they lonely, bored, barely moving, and barely participating with the outside world?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to help them or you want to ensure that things don't get any worse, you need to start setting up a routine, a schedule that includes real social connection, physical activity, and purpose.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And please, for the love of God, don't tell me that you've tried and they won't listen.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: That excuse drives me insane.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is your kid.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: They might look like an adult and tell you that they're an adult, but they are not behaving like one.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: They are your child.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: They are not doing well.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you are going to help them to get their life in order.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if they're still living in your house and you're paying the bills, you are holding all the cards.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Stop walking around on eggshells.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Stop being afraid of them.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Stop coddling them and start taking action.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Their lifestyle is not an option any longer.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're dealing with a serious addiction or a critical mental health issue, please believe me when I say you need to get them professional help before you begin.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I can't force them.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what you're thinking?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because if they had diabetes, which when untreated can lead to blindness, amputation, a lifetime on dialysis, and so on, and they tell you they don't need to see a doctor or they refuse medication, would you still say, but I can't force them?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I started this podcast because I wanted to offer you no BS parenting set tips.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I won't hold back.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that one of the biggest problems today is that parents have lost their confidence.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to find it again.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I will tell you this.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care whether you love the let them theory.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: It has merit in certain situations.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to your kid who's making a decision that will impact their life forever, how in the hell can you just let them?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you can just sit back and allow your child to not get professional or medical attention, I don't know what else to say.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is not my idea of good parenting.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've listened to any other episode in this podcast, you'll know that I believe wholeheartedly in parents getting involved and helping to guide their young adult who is struggling.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that won't happen if you sit back and do nothing.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are ready and willing to take action, here are three, just three actionable steps that you can take to help change the trajectory of your young adult's life.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: One, get them out of the house and into the world.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now that you know how dangerous isolation is, you need to make social interaction and movement a priority.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the rule.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, rule.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: They must start by committing to at least one consistent out-of-the-house activity every day.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a suggestion, not a when you feel like it.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's a real world, real people, real activity that happens on a regular basis.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Something like a job, a volunteer gig, or even a group hobby.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be anything extraordinary.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: It just has to be daily and consistent.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: In a way, you're helping them to create their own rat park, a life that has social connection and physical activity.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And next is help them build weekly structure and routine.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone benefits from structure and routine.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: These are not just good habits, they keep us grounded, productive, focused, and they create stability when everything else feels uncertain.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Structure and routine reduce chaos and uncertainty because our days become productive and we feel a sense of control over our lives.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: It also minimizes our anxiety, improves our focus, and builds confidence.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: You'll have to sit down with your adult child and map out this weekly schedule at first.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: It'll begin with setting an alarm, taking a shower, making their bed, and eating a healthy breakfast, and then the activity outside the house, and something similar for their evening routine.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: When you create this weekly schedule with them, it's okay to allocate periods for downtime, but just not endless amounts.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in moderation and even restriction when necessary.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And three, stay connected and speak up.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whether your adult child lives with you or not, make connection part of your routine with them.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be deep or dramatic.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a quick text message dialogue or calling them to share something funny.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: The goal here is consistent connection.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can include other family members in this process as well.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always have to be you.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if something feels off, you must speak up.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're not judging them and you're not overstepping boundaries, but silence doesn't help.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Say things like, I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time alone and I'm a little concerned.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: You want to go for a walk or a drive.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just don't be afraid to say something if they're slipping away again.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, this is one of the most important episodes I have ever done because of the severity of addiction and mental health issues in so many young adults.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I often say that before you can address the failure to launch issues or relationship issues you're having, you must start with these bigger problems first.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if there's one thing I want you to take away from all of this, it's that your job isn't just to keep them safe from the outside world.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's to protect them from what's happening inside your home and inside their mind.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: The real danger here is the isolation, the lack of social connection, and the sedentary, disconnected lifestyle that slowly chips away at them.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is your wake-up call.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: If your child is spending most of their time alone, inactive, and disengaged, you need to take action, not out of control, but out of love and out of the deep knowing that you can help your child to heal, change, and grow.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: If this topic resonated with you, then I think you'll really appreciate the next episode with my guest, Elaine Yuskoski, who shares her incredible story of her son who became dangerously addicted to video gaming while alone in his college dorm.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: What started as a form of harmless entertainment turned into a serious health crisis, and it can happen to any family.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love you to hear Elaine's story and what she had to do to help.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, if you know someone who's going through something similar with their adult child, please share these two episodes with them.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for spending your time with me.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I hope today's episode gave you valuable insights and actionable steps that will help you guide your young adult to launch successfully into adulthood.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you found this topic helpful, feel free to leave a comment and hit the subscribe button so you never miss an episode.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Leaving a five-star review helps us reach more parents who are dealing with the same issues.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's something you want to ask me, I invite you to join Launch Advice, my weekly publication where I answer one question from parents just like you.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's free advice that will appear in your inbox probably when you need it the most.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Just click Launch Advice in the show notes and don't forget to email me your confidential question.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, no one ever said parenting is easy, especially when you're raising an adult.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to you soon.