Latest / In The Driver's Seat / I Was Living the Wrong Story. Here's How I Rewrote It.
Transcript
- Lisa French: You know that thing you always say this always happens to me. Maybe it's I always attract the wrong people. Or if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Or every time I seem to get ahead, something happens. Here's the question to ask yourself Did that sentence describe something that happened or did it start telling you what to expect next? Next. I'm Lisa French, and this is in the driver's seat. Most of us have a sentence like this. And it usually started with something true. Something happened maybe more than once. We notice a pattern and we give it a name. That makes sense. The problem comes when we keep repeating the sentence long after the moment has passed. This relationship ended badly, becomes I always attract the wrong people. Money is tight right now because I can never get ahead. I had a hard time speaking up because I'm terrible at standing up for myself. I went through a rough season because something always goes wrong. This is where it gets sneaky. At some point, the sentence stops describing what happened and it starts becoming Part of how we see ourselves. That's where those little words can get us. Always, never, every time. Nobody. Everybody. One of those words can turn a bad season into a life sentence if we're not paying attention. They can take one season and make it sound permanent. They can take a pattern and make it sound like a personality trait. And after we say these things enough, we barely hear them anymore. I'm bad with money. I always end up doing everything myself. People take advantage of me. I never stick with anything. I'm just not lucky. I always pick the wrong people. The sentence starts sounding less like something we believe and more like a fact. But here's a difference between saying what's happened and deciding what always happens. That relationship ended badly is a fact. I always attract emotionally unavailable people is a prediction. Money is tight this month is information and I can never get ahead, is a story. And the story matters because what we expect has a lot to do with what we notice. Here's where the practical side of this starts to matter. Our brains are filtering information all day long. They have to. There is way too much coming at us every second for us to pay attention to all of it. So we notice what feels important. We notice what matches what we already believe. If you're convinced people always let you down, you're going to notice the canceled plan, the text that took too long, person who forgot to call, the friend who seemed distant. And maybe one of those things does matter. But you can also miss the people who have been steady for years, the friend who checks in on you, the person who follows through, the one who shows up without being asked. Those things can become invisible because they don't have the story that you've been repeating. Same thing with money. If you believe every time you get ahead something comes along and wipes it out, the unexpected bill becomes proof. The car repair becomes proof. The higher grocery totals become proof. And then you stop noticing the raise, the debt you paid down, the month you handled everything without panic. The fact that you're making better decisions than you used to. The story starts collecting evidence for itself. And here's the part I think changes everything. Your story doesn't only affect what you notice, it also affects what you do next. If you believe people always leave, you might become guarded. You might read too much into small things. You might start pulling away first. You might Tolerate inconsistency because in some strange way it feels familiar. If you believe you could never get ahead financially, you might avoid looking at your numbers because you already expect bad news. You might tell yourself there's no point in making a plan. You might make choices from frustration instead of intention. If you always believe that you end up doing everything yourself, you might stop asking for help. Or you ask for help, but you already expect the other person to disappoint you. Then when they do one thing in imperfectly, there it is. Proof. See? This is why I do everything myself. This is where mindset gets practical because thoughts don't stay in your head. They affect your energy. They affect how you show up. They affect what people expect from you. They affect what you're willing to try. They affect what you're willing to tolerate. They affect the choices you make without you even realizing you're making them. Now, this is where the brain piece and the manifestation piece start to meet in the middle. What we keep giving our attention to matters. What we keep talking about matters. What we keep rehearsing emotionally matters. There's a reason that Abraham Hicks talks so much about not constantly. Telling it like it is. Because if all you do is keep describing your current reality, you keep your focus locked in on what already is. And yes, you need to know where you are. If I'm using GPS, it matters if I'm starting in Panama City Beach or Chicago. That's useful information. But once I know where I am, I don't keep entering my current location. I Enter where I want to go. And I think this is where a lot of us get stuck. We keep describing the starting point. We keep talking about the detour. We keep telling the story of what went wrong. We keep pointing at what it is. And then we keep wondering why it feels like we're still sitting in the same place. Your current reality matters. It's information. But it doesn't need to become your identity. And it doesn't need to become your forecast. So if you've been repeating one of those stories for years, what you do with it without lying to yourself or slapping a positive affirmation over it, that's where course correction comes in. You don't need to rewrite your whole life story. You don't need to force yourself into some fake Positive version of it either. You just need one small adjustment. Catch the sentence. Ask yourself, what else is also true? What else is always true? There are people in your life who have shown up for you consistently, but they don't get included in the story because they aren't the ones creating the drama. If the sentence is I can never get ahead, what else is also true? Maybe you're handling money better than you used to. Maybe you paid something off. Maybe you're more aware of where your money goes. Maybe you're making choices now that your younger self would not have made. If the sentence is I never follow through, what else is also true? Maybe you raised children, built a career, got through a divorce, started over. Maybe you moved, learned something hard, kept showing up during a season when you wanted to disappear into the couch with a blanket and be left alone. Maybe I never follow through is leaving out quite a bit. And that's why I like the idea of course correction. It doesn't ask you to pretend the road was easy. It asks you to make sure that the old story isn't still steering. And sometimes that means changing the sentence. I always attract the wrong people because I had a pattern of choosing people who weren't right for me. And I'm getting better at seeing that sooner. I can never get ahead because I've had financial setbacks, but I'm making different choices now. I always end up doing everything myself because I have a habit of taking on too much and I'm learning to ask for help sooner. That feels different because it leaves room. And room matters. When the story changes, your expectations can change. Would your expectations change? Your choices can change. When your choices change, your direction can change. And this is where the manifestation piece becomes more than a nice idea. It's not sitting on the couch and thinking happy thoughts and waiting for the universe to do all the work. It's becoming aware of what you keep expecting, what you keep naming, what you keep giving energy to and attention to. And then deciding if that's the direction you want to keep driving your car. Because a small shift in direction doesn't look dramatic in the beginning, but stay on that path long enough and you can end up somewhere completely different. There's one more thing I want you to notice, because this is probably happening more than you think. We are usually much better at remembering what went wrong than what went right. A whole day can go fine. The car starts. The meeting goes well. Someone keeps their word. You find a parking space right up front. The sunset is gorgeous, and you barely mention any of it. But one person sends you an irritating email and suddenly that becomes the story of the day. That's what gets told to someone else. That's what gets replayed while you're Brushing your teeth. So over time the hard things get documented and the good things get skimmed right over. Then we look at the collection and say, See? Life is always hard, but what if the collection is incomplete? What if there's more than the version you keep repeating? That doesn't mean you ignore what hurts. It doesn't mean you pretend everything is wonderful. Some things are hard. Some seasons are heavy. Some people will disappoint you. Some things are just completely out of your control, but you still get to decide whether what happened gets to define what happens next. Something can have been true and still be over. A pattern can be real and still be changeable. A hard season can teach you without becoming your personality. Your past can explain you without becoming your future. So this week, pay attention to the sentence you repeat the most. The one that comes out so easily you barely notice it. Are you saying, This always happens to me? I'm bad at this. Can never get ahead. I always attract the wrong people. I always end up doing everything myself. Whatever yours is, write it down. Then ask yourself one question. What else is also true? You don't have to erase the hard part. You don't have to argue with yourself. You don't have to pretend that the road has been smooth. Add the part that you stopped mentioning. Then look at the sentence again and ask yourself if you want to keep carrying it forward. Because where you are matters. But the direction you keep driving your car matters too. And sometimes the biggest change starts with a sentence you finally stop repeating. If you want a place to keep doing this work after today, I have a free re resource called the Future Self Journal. It's built exactly for something like this. Catching the old sentence, writing the fuller truth, giving your next chapter somewhere to land on paper. Start journaling your future self today. You could get it at LisaFrench.rocks forward slash future dash self. You can also find a link for it in the description. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I appreciate you being here. Until next time, remember you are always in the driver's seat of your life.