Transcript

Bridget Phetasy · Mom Wars

0:04
Speaker 1: From the front lines of The Mom Wars. Here's Bethany
0:08
Speaker 1: Mandel and Kara Kennedy.
0:11
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to another episode of your favorite podcast,
0:15
Speaker 2: although we are still breft without our Carra Kennedy, who
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Speaker 2: went and had a baby so rudely she just up
0:22
Speaker 2: and left no notice, no warning. The baby came early, Mazletop.
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Speaker 2: We're so excited for you. But I am joined by
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Speaker 2: a gorgeous brunette who will take her place, but without
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Speaker 2: the accent. I'm joined by my good friend Bridget Fetesie.
0:39
Speaker 2: She's a writer, comedian and host of lots of podcasts
0:42
Speaker 2: including Walkins, Welcome and dumpster Fire. Thanks for being here.
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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me you are. I love that
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Speaker 1: the Mom Wars co hosts as having a baby that
0:52
Speaker 1: feels improverate.
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Speaker 2: It does yet. So it's funny because I used to
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Speaker 2: have a women's podcast a long time ago called Lead
1:00
Speaker 2: Brains and of course yeah, and we had a baby
1:04
Speaker 2: on the show all the time. And then when Lindsay
1:06
Speaker 2: Fifield had a baby, we had to stop the podcast
1:09
Speaker 2: because she was the one that held it together and
1:11
Speaker 2: we all had a meeting without her and plotted and
1:14
Speaker 2: we're like no one else can do this right, like,
1:16
Speaker 2: no one can hold this together. She was the producer basically,
1:19
Speaker 2: and so we called it quits when she had a baby.
1:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's mom Wars going.
1:25
Speaker 2: It's good. It's good. So I have the substack and
1:27
Speaker 2: steadily growing. And I love having the outlet to like
1:31
Speaker 2: opine on things more than on Twitter and having these
1:34
Speaker 2: wonderful conversations. I just do it to force people to
1:37
Speaker 2: have conversations with me. I will be having Congresswoman Alistaphonic
1:42
Speaker 2: on soon. And anytime I read something or hear something interesting,
1:47
Speaker 2: I think to myself, I will have them on my podcast.
1:51
Speaker 2: And I do it for my enjoyment and my enjoyment alone.
1:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's pretty much how Watkins Welcome has been for
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Speaker 1: all these years. It's just some almost say something or
2:01
Speaker 1: write something and or have a book coming out or
2:05
Speaker 1: go viral or whatever, and I'm like, huh, I wonder
2:08
Speaker 1: what they're thinking about right now. But mom Wars is
2:10
Speaker 1: interesting because I didn't realize until I became a mom
2:15
Speaker 1: how much. And I've written just briefly about this when
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Speaker 1: I when I was pregnant, like how many options there
2:22
Speaker 1: were and my sister had a baby quite young, and
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Speaker 1: I was like, was it always like this? Much like
2:29
Speaker 1: many was? It always like what's your baby plan? What
2:32
Speaker 1: are you gonna do?
2:32
Speaker 2: What?
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Speaker 1: Like? What stroller are you gonna get?
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Speaker 2: What?
2:35
Speaker 1: I found the entire what the like? What is it?
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Speaker 1: The registry? Completely overwhelming. It was so overwhelming my sister
2:46
Speaker 1: ended up having to do it for me because it's
2:48
Speaker 1: all just like theoretical and people said, you're not going
2:52
Speaker 1: to use any of this stuff. I used all of it.
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Speaker 2: I So I've always considered having a business where I
3:00
Speaker 2: make a baby registery.
3:01
Speaker 1: For It would be an amazing business.
3:03
Speaker 2: But I don't think people would like me because I
3:06
Speaker 2: would have basically nothing on it. I would have diapers,
3:11
Speaker 2: and I wouldn't even put clothes on it because everyone
3:14
Speaker 2: just buys you clothes unsolicited. Yeah, and they can live
3:16
Speaker 2: in the same onesie for you know, a hot.
3:19
Speaker 1: Minute three months. Yeah.
3:21
Speaker 2: And there's women who like really take deep enjoyment out
3:24
Speaker 2: of the stroller being a status symbol and their kids
3:29
Speaker 2: being dressed really nicely. I've never been that mom, so really,
3:33
Speaker 2: all I can put on your baby registry is diapers
3:36
Speaker 2: and a snotsucker, and you don't need anything else. That's it.
3:40
Speaker 2: I've done it.
3:41
Speaker 1: For you. Yeah, that's not everything you like, use all
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Speaker 1: of it.
3:46
Speaker 2: I's so funny.
3:48
Speaker 1: I was one of those people that was like, Wow,
3:50
Speaker 1: all this stuff really did come and Andy was so funny.
3:53
Speaker 1: And then I loved gifting it back into the mom community.
3:57
Speaker 1: And I'm still giving stuff away. I've given all the
4:00
Speaker 1: clothes away because I held on to some stuff just
4:02
Speaker 1: in case there was number two. And then once we
4:05
Speaker 1: reached her turning three and me turning forty seven, I
4:08
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we're done, and we ended up just
4:13
Speaker 1: like I enjoy so much, just like giving all that
4:16
Speaker 1: stuff to new moms or it's actually insane how much
4:21
Speaker 1: stuff I get just given away into the endless mom community,
4:27
Speaker 1: which I find fun.
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Speaker 2: I use less and less stuff as kids went on,
4:33
Speaker 2: and so somebody there was a there was a discourse
4:35
Speaker 2: on X the other day about diaper diaper bags, and
4:39
Speaker 2: I was like, I haven't used a diaper bag in
4:41
Speaker 2: years and children because I just throw I would keep
4:46
Speaker 2: two pairs of diapers and a package of wipes and
4:48
Speaker 2: maybe a onesie in a ziplock and throw it in
4:51
Speaker 2: a toe bag and just be done with it. But
4:53
Speaker 2: then you get nailed like I did last Shabbat at
4:57
Speaker 2: synagogue where my kid pooped and I didn't even have
4:59
Speaker 2: a diaper. Yeah, I was like, oh, I forget. And
5:02
Speaker 2: I had to go around to every single parent asking
5:05
Speaker 2: for a diaper, and people looked at me and I
5:07
Speaker 2: was like, it's my sixth guys, it's not. It's not
5:11
Speaker 2: that I'm a new mom, he's my sixth. I just ya,
5:14
Speaker 2: I emotionally feel ready to leave the baby ears, but
5:17
Speaker 2: I'm not actually out of them yet.
5:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I think it scales up too when you
5:23
Speaker 1: have more kids. So as the oldest of five, I
5:26
Speaker 1: just you need less and less because you already have
5:28
Speaker 1: so much of it. So you have the infrastructure, like
5:31
Speaker 1: we keep a lot of stuff around just because I
5:34
Speaker 1: like having like a high chair around. I remember going
5:37
Speaker 1: to see my sister and she was always so good
5:39
Speaker 1: about she kept like a little bin of baby toy,
5:43
Speaker 1: so if there was a baby over, they had something
5:45
Speaker 1: to play with and a little and there was always
5:48
Speaker 1: having like a highchair something that a baby can sit
5:51
Speaker 1: and when you're eating, So having that infrastructure around, I
5:54
Speaker 1: find it's it's my own just hostess self that I like.
5:59
Speaker 2: I wish i'd that. So I recently threw out, no joke,
6:02
Speaker 2: twenty five bags of toys, just tossed. They were broken
6:07
Speaker 2: and half used. And I was just I perged twenty
6:10
Speaker 2: five bags of And the next thing I want to
6:12
Speaker 2: do is dolls. That's the next thing I really want
6:15
Speaker 2: to purge. But I in my purging got rid of
6:20
Speaker 2: our high chairs. And when we have friends over who
6:23
Speaker 2: have babies, which is all the time, I'm the rude
6:26
Speaker 2: person who doesn't even have a high chair. And I
6:29
Speaker 2: said to Seth, actually, this past weekend when we had
6:31
Speaker 2: guests over for Shabbat, we maybe should get another high chair.
6:36
Speaker 2: That feels like I'm backsliding and I'm not trying to
6:38
Speaker 2: sneak another baby, but I think we maybe should have
6:41
Speaker 2: a high chair in the house, just one of those
6:43
Speaker 2: that you strap onto the seat so that we're not
6:45
Speaker 2: so rude.
6:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, we kept guards and the wee kept like a
6:49
Speaker 1: little pack and play. But I don't know. Everybody's getting
6:53
Speaker 1: older now too. I don't know that there will be
6:55
Speaker 1: many babies around. Yeah, but it was it was very
6:58
Speaker 1: I had no idea. I mean, I have a whole
7:01
Speaker 1: bit just about like the birth plan, where people were like, oh,
7:04
Speaker 1: what's your birth plan? I'm like, I don't know me
7:06
Speaker 1: and the baby live like that. I didn't know that
7:09
Speaker 1: was like a thing that was the lights and what.
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Speaker 2: We could not be more opposite. Actually, I had a
7:18
Speaker 2: very deep detailed birth plan.
7:20
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, See this feels generational though I just didn't
7:24
Speaker 1: even know as a thing.
7:25
Speaker 2: Well, I just I don't trust. I don't trust. Yeah,
7:30
Speaker 2: So I wanted to set my boundaries of what I
7:34
Speaker 2: wanted done to me and done to my child. And
7:37
Speaker 2: in that moment, you're very vulnerable to people who don't
7:41
Speaker 2: necessarily have your best interests at heart. And I think
7:43
Speaker 2: that more women need to be aware of the fact
7:45
Speaker 2: that there are incentive structures in place that place monetary
7:50
Speaker 2: compensation over your best interests and over your baby's best interest.
7:54
Speaker 2: And so I wanted to have very clear boundaries in
7:57
Speaker 2: place of like, this is what I want to happen
7:59
Speaker 2: in a perfect world, with the understanding that life happens,
8:02
Speaker 2: and this is you know, could become a medical thing,
8:05
Speaker 2: but all things being equal, I would like to, for example,
8:09
Speaker 2: let the cord finish pulsing before we cut it unless
8:12
Speaker 2: there's an emergency. But then I trusted so little that
8:17
Speaker 2: I ended up like having babies at home, and then
8:20
Speaker 2: I trusted so so little that I barely talked to
8:23
Speaker 2: my midwife my last two pregnancies. Yeah, the last time
8:27
Speaker 2: she called me and she was like, I legally need
8:29
Speaker 2: to see you more frequently, and I feel like you'll
8:33
Speaker 2: see me planning at the end. Let's just save it.
8:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a sea section.
8:39
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well did you plan though?
8:41
Speaker 1: Yeah?
8:42
Speaker 2: Oh so then you knew.
8:43
Speaker 1: Yeah. I got pushed that. I was like very late
8:47
Speaker 1: and my thing and people were like, you can go,
8:50
Speaker 1: you can have it naturally, and I was like, I
8:52
Speaker 1: have a guy instinct. My mom had five in sea sections,
8:56
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I had a sibling who had who
8:59
Speaker 1: went through like bad stuff and then ended up in
9:02
Speaker 1: a C section a cousin the week before, and very
9:05
Speaker 1: similar builds of as like as in no hips, and
9:09
Speaker 1: just I just had an instinct that it was going
9:11
Speaker 1: to end. I was like, I know how this is.
9:15
Speaker 2: It's more common. It's more common for women in their
9:17
Speaker 2: forties to neave a sea section because things don't kick
9:20
Speaker 2: off because your body is like I don't know.
9:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want to do that. And my doctor,
9:26
Speaker 1: my obgyn, was saying that in his he's like, look,
9:30
Speaker 1: you can do whatever you want. He was amazing because
9:32
Speaker 1: it was during COVID and he didn't even I was like,
9:35
Speaker 1: I don't want to get the booster or whatever. They
9:38
Speaker 1: were all like, oh, get it, and I was like,
9:39
Speaker 1: I don't want to, and he was like, look, there's
9:42
Speaker 1: a lot we know and there's a lot we don't know.
9:44
Speaker 1: So he was very cool about it, and he was like,
9:49
Speaker 1: you can do whatever. You can have a midwife. I
9:51
Speaker 1: don't care. What I will tell you is in my
9:54
Speaker 1: multiple dozens of years of doing this, decades of doing this,
9:59
Speaker 1: I have I do not like inducing women into what
10:03
Speaker 1: I call unfavorable conditions, as in the baby hasn't dropped,
10:06
Speaker 1: and you haven't like there's no face, there's no sense.
10:10
Speaker 1: He's like, it almost always ends up in a sea
10:13
Speaker 1: section when I do that, and he's like, you can
10:17
Speaker 1: just kind of skip that whole process. And I wanted to.
10:22
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to like go through the whole
10:24
Speaker 1: birth thing, but I had such a a like it
10:27
Speaker 1: was the opposite of the instinct lots of other women had.
10:30
Speaker 1: And I was in LA, so everyone was like, you
10:32
Speaker 1: got to have it in a pool in the woods,
10:34
Speaker 1: and my gut instinct was just like, just have a
10:37
Speaker 1: sea section. So we ended up just scheduling it. And
10:40
Speaker 1: I feel no, there's so I feel like women get
10:44
Speaker 1: so tied up to how they have their baby. And
10:48
Speaker 1: this is why people say and I'm like, it's such
10:51
Speaker 1: a it's such a like small part of being a parent.
10:55
Speaker 1: It's like being hyper focused on the wedding and then
10:58
Speaker 1: forgetting that you're going to be married and it is
11:01
Speaker 1: a very important part the wedding, but it's not the marriage.
11:06
Speaker 1: And it just feels like you'll look back and be like,
11:08
Speaker 1: as long as you and your baby are safe and whatever,
11:11
Speaker 1: that's really.
11:12
Speaker 2: That you felt like you want You did what you
11:14
Speaker 2: wanted to do. I didn't want a needle in my spine. Yeah,
11:18
Speaker 2: I wanted to have lots of babies, and so I
11:20
Speaker 2: was like, this makes sense, this makes sense not to
11:24
Speaker 2: go this route instead of, you know, a hyper medicalized route.
11:27
Speaker 1: Yeah. My mom had five sea sections.
11:29
Speaker 2: That's that's rare. I have a friend who had five
11:32
Speaker 2: sea sections, and the last one she almost died. She
11:35
Speaker 2: her she went into labor accidentally before she was supposed
11:39
Speaker 2: to start. She was supposed to be you know, on Monday.
11:42
Speaker 2: She was supposed to have the section, and she went
11:43
Speaker 2: into labor on the Friday before and the labor the
11:47
Speaker 2: contractions almost caused a uterine rupture and they rushed her
11:50
Speaker 2: in an ambulance to the hospital and it was Likesh
11:55
Speaker 2: right before her, and she she barely kept her uterus.
11:59
Speaker 2: There was a big question if they would if she
12:00
Speaker 2: would need a hysterectomy. But I had a friend who
12:04
Speaker 2: was your age when she had her son, and unfavorable
12:08
Speaker 2: conditions like the baby hadn't dropped, nothing, and they induced
12:12
Speaker 2: her and they never told her that she had a
12:15
Speaker 2: medical condition that prevented her from being able to have
12:18
Speaker 2: an epidural, and so they put her on potocin. And
12:21
Speaker 2: then after they put her on the potosin drip, they
12:24
Speaker 2: were like, oh, yeah, you can't. There's something wrong with
12:28
Speaker 2: your spinal column, Like can't we can't put it in
12:30
Speaker 2: an epidural, sorry, And so she just had to suffer
12:34
Speaker 2: on the potocin. Nothing advanced, nothing worked, and she ended
12:38
Speaker 2: up having a C section anyway, and they had to
12:40
Speaker 2: put her under general anesthesia because she couldn't be that story,
12:45
Speaker 2: and it made me so angry for her because I
12:48
Speaker 2: was like, it was always going to end in a
12:51
Speaker 2: c sect. There was never going to be a point
12:53
Speaker 2: where they're going to put a forty four year old
12:56
Speaker 2: woman on potocin whose baby hasn't dropped. She's not die,
13:00
Speaker 2: she's not a faced. Yeah it was. It was never
13:04
Speaker 2: going to happen, and she don't care either. So cut
13:08
Speaker 2: the cut that middle point of trauma and pain and
13:12
Speaker 2: just be like, let's be honest here, Let's go into this,
13:17
Speaker 2: into this surgery with eyes wide open in a calm,
13:21
Speaker 2: safe manner because they had to sort of put her
13:24
Speaker 2: under while she was writhing in pain.
13:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. This is kind of what my doctor said.
13:30
Speaker 1: He was like, let's be honest, here's how this usually ends.
13:34
Speaker 1: At your age. We're not gonna let you labor for
13:36
Speaker 1: a long time because of your age, and if we
13:40
Speaker 1: it is better that we end that that we plan
13:44
Speaker 1: to go, Like, c sections are not all. Every single
13:48
Speaker 1: kind of labor has its dangerous It's better to do
13:51
Speaker 1: this not in an emergency way. Exactly.
13:54
Speaker 2: And that's something again talking about incentive structures. One of
14:00
Speaker 2: my big frustrations with medical care and in the country
14:03
Speaker 2: is ubstetrics, because I don't feel like they listen to women.
14:06
Speaker 2: I don't think that they have our best interests at heart.
14:09
Speaker 2: And it's why I'm red pilled on it, and why
14:11
Speaker 2: I went the midwifer out and why I went the
14:12
Speaker 2: home birth roout because I don't trust them. I don't
14:15
Speaker 2: trust them. Watching what happened to my friend at this hospital,
14:19
Speaker 2: I was like she, But also I blame I blame
14:23
Speaker 2: women who don't get educated enough to be read themselves,
14:28
Speaker 2: Like she should have known that she knew about the
14:32
Speaker 2: medical condition, but she didn't know that it prevented her
14:35
Speaker 2: from getting an epidural. Why didn't she do the research
14:38
Speaker 2: to be like yeah and advocate for herself and say,
14:41
Speaker 2: you know what, maybe that's not maybe that's not the
14:44
Speaker 2: best idea, Maybe we shouldn't do the do the induction,
14:48
Speaker 2: and it because I can't get an epidural. She never
14:51
Speaker 2: advocated herself. She kind of blindly trusted her providers. And
14:55
Speaker 2: this is stuff by the way that she says herself
14:57
Speaker 2: that her regrets about her birth or that she did
15:00
Speaker 2: not educate herself and that she did not advocate for herself,
15:04
Speaker 2: and then her kid ended up unrelated to the birth,
15:07
Speaker 2: having special needs, and it really red pilled her on
15:10
Speaker 2: the need to be her own advocate and her son's
15:13
Speaker 2: own advocate, because it wasn't gonna happen otherwise.
15:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that. I think people hear red Pill
15:19
Speaker 1: and they think it means you just are having your
15:21
Speaker 1: baby in a pool in the woods, and it's really
15:24
Speaker 1: just more that you just can't necessarily take everything in
15:28
Speaker 1: face value. But even our even our like obgyn and
15:33
Speaker 1: they all were the ones who gave us the like
15:35
Speaker 1: birthplan forms, so it's pretty standard in even the like
15:40
Speaker 1: hospital setting.
15:41
Speaker 2: I think it depends on the provider. It sounds like
15:43
Speaker 2: you had a good one who wanted to.
15:45
Speaker 1: It, loved him, and he died when I was six
15:48
Speaker 1: weeks postpartum of a heart attack. It was so I
15:53
Speaker 1: cannot I can't even tell you. I watched the like
15:58
Speaker 1: Jewish ceremony they did like video. He he was like
16:03
Speaker 1: a star. I mean, everybody knew this guy. He was
16:07
Speaker 1: so funny. I can't even I was like six weeks,
16:11
Speaker 1: most part of holding my daughter sobbing. I hadn't even
16:14
Speaker 1: healed from his surgery. Yeah, and people know like if
16:17
Speaker 1: it's a midwife or he was so it was so traumatic.
16:22
Speaker 1: It was I get so.
16:30
Speaker 2: Hi.
16:31
Speaker 1: I'm Ben Sass and I'm Chris Steierwaldt, and this is
16:34
Speaker 1: not dead yet.
16:36
Speaker 2: We're all dying, but some of us have been brought
16:38
Speaker 2: face to face with that reality.
16:40
Speaker 1: However long each of us have to do it though.
16:42
Speaker 2: We all want to live a.
16:44
Speaker 1: Good life, one with meaning, love and joy, and our
16:48
Speaker 1: guests are here to help us do exactly that. Now
16:50
Speaker 1: available for download and streaming at ricochet dot com.
16:53
Speaker 2: Ricochet Yeah, joined the conversation. You had a unique experience
17:10
Speaker 2: like I so with my first daughter. With my first child,
17:14
Speaker 2: I had a provider at an ob in Manhattan and
17:19
Speaker 2: it was a factory and it was in Tribeca, I think.
17:23
Speaker 2: And I remember going in and they just handed me
17:26
Speaker 2: a form and said it wasn't a form of it's
17:28
Speaker 2: like a flyer like X y Z. These are these
17:30
Speaker 2: are the things that will happen to you. There's no conversation,
17:33
Speaker 2: there's no choice, there's no informed consent. This is just
17:37
Speaker 2: this is how we this is what we do to
17:38
Speaker 2: you at every stage of this pregnancy. And one of
17:41
Speaker 2: them was an amnio at X amount of weeks, and
17:45
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm twenty six, Why do I need
17:50
Speaker 2: an epid? Why do I need an amnio at.
17:52
Speaker 1: Twenty Yes, that's sixty years old for a zero.
17:55
Speaker 2: Risk pregnancy with no risk factors, and I've had genetic testing.
18:00
Speaker 2: And she said to me, I was she doesn't have
18:05
Speaker 2: any patients in her thirties and she doesn't remember the
18:08
Speaker 2: last time she had had a patient in her twenties,
18:12
Speaker 2: and so she was like, yeah, no, you don't have
18:15
Speaker 2: to you know, I.
18:15
Speaker 1: Didn't even have one though in my forties.
18:19
Speaker 2: I mean. The other the other thing was, I said like, well,
18:22
Speaker 2: what would this check for? And it was things that
18:25
Speaker 2: and I said, well, why do I need to, Like,
18:28
Speaker 2: I'm going to a level one nick you, I'm going
18:30
Speaker 2: to be out a hospital with the nevil one nick you?
18:32
Speaker 2: Like why do I need to know all these things?
18:34
Speaker 2: She said, well, in case you want to terminate your pregnancy.
18:36
Speaker 2: And I was like, but I don't. And she was
18:40
Speaker 2: very confused by that one.
18:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was.
18:42
Speaker 2: Like why would you? What would the decision process there be?
18:47
Speaker 2: But I switched from that practice at thirty seven weeks,
18:53
Speaker 2: right right before I gave birth because I gave them.
18:57
Speaker 2: I took a birth class, which is like a Hippi
18:58
Speaker 2: Dippy birth class, and they gave me sort of a
19:01
Speaker 2: list of hypothetical questions for my doctor, and every single
19:06
Speaker 2: one of them was like, oh, we would do a
19:07
Speaker 2: sea section.
19:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.
19:09
Speaker 2: And I was like, but I'm twenty seven, low risk
19:14
Speaker 2: and I want to have a lot of children. Why
19:17
Speaker 2: would the answer be C section instead like letting me
19:21
Speaker 2: labor on my own at home or whatever.
19:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so was.
19:24
Speaker 2: I left the practice and I never looked back and
19:28
Speaker 2: went to a midwife and one of those hypotheticals that
19:30
Speaker 2: I posed to them happened to me, and I had
19:34
Speaker 2: a wonderful natural birth with a midwife instead of a
19:37
Speaker 2: sea section. And if I had gone that route, I
19:39
Speaker 2: don't think I would have all of my children.
19:41
Speaker 1: Oh wow. I mean this is one area where I
19:45
Speaker 1: had an EC topic pregnancy when I first my husband.
19:48
Speaker 1: The first pregnancy I had with my husband was that topic,
19:52
Speaker 1: and luckily I am. I had a feeling something was
19:58
Speaker 1: wrong and I kept saying, I feel like this is
20:02
Speaker 1: an X topic and this doctor they kind of like
20:06
Speaker 1: brought him in and had them look at the the
20:09
Speaker 1: They did an ultrasound and the number the levels were
20:12
Speaker 1: kind of fluctuating. This young pa was like, this is
20:16
Speaker 1: classic EC topic symptoms and I the doctor was like,
20:22
Speaker 1: it's like a one in a million chants and did
20:24
Speaker 1: it and I was like, hey, I don't want to
20:25
Speaker 1: like lose an ovary because of your stats. Okay, so
20:29
Speaker 1: I don't trust that this is maybe you just can't
20:32
Speaker 1: see it yet, and she said come in on Friday,
20:35
Speaker 1: was going into the weekend. I'm like, I don't want
20:36
Speaker 1: to end up in the er, and she's like, come in,
20:40
Speaker 1: we'll do another blood draw, We'll see what your levels
20:42
Speaker 1: are doing and then if if it is, does look
20:46
Speaker 1: like it's presenting like an EC topic because the levels
20:49
Speaker 1: were doubling but not fully doubling, and then they were
20:52
Speaker 1: going down and then they went would go back up.
20:54
Speaker 1: And this was very what she said, like classic EC
20:57
Speaker 1: topic kind of behavior. And then she I called on
21:03
Speaker 1: that Friday, she had me get in. She rushed the
21:06
Speaker 1: results and she was like, get in here. It's definitely
21:11
Speaker 1: I think it's definitely a topic because your levels have
21:13
Speaker 1: doubled again after they had gone down. And so she
21:18
Speaker 1: and I the pain was like increasing in my side
21:21
Speaker 1: more and more and more and it wasn't going away
21:23
Speaker 1: and it was just getting worse. So she's like, get
21:26
Speaker 1: in here. I don't want you to have to like
21:27
Speaker 1: go end up in the er. So they give you
21:30
Speaker 1: a shot now of methotrex eight instead of doing surgery
21:34
Speaker 1: if they catch it early enough, which is basically like chemo,
21:38
Speaker 1: and then you can't try to have a baby for
21:39
Speaker 1: six months after that. So they were like, let's do this,
21:44
Speaker 1: get back to us in six months, then we'll talk
21:46
Speaker 1: about IVF and whatever. Because it was having that pregnancy
21:50
Speaker 1: that made me realize, oh shit, I might want a
21:52
Speaker 1: kid with this man. And then six months from then
21:56
Speaker 1: was March of twenty twenty, and then the whole freaking
21:59
Speaker 1: world shot. So I lost like a whole other year
22:02
Speaker 1: because we were like, okay, I guess we're not like
22:05
Speaker 1: going to be doing IVF and all this stuff. Nobody
22:08
Speaker 1: was even making appointments. So they gave me the shot
22:11
Speaker 1: and then it ended up. Then I went in after
22:16
Speaker 1: I got my I was glad, I advocated for myself.
22:19
Speaker 1: I was glad, I was a bully. I was glad
22:21
Speaker 1: the PA advocated for me. They did. I didn't lose
22:25
Speaker 1: my ovary, I didn't lose my anything. And then in
22:32
Speaker 1: June of twenty twenty one, I went in and said, hey,
22:35
Speaker 1: can we talk about IVF and she said, you're in
22:37
Speaker 1: perimenopause and you probably can't have kids and your levels
22:42
Speaker 1: are She just like called me. I was like, hey,
22:44
Speaker 1: you're in menopause, you probably can't have kids. I'm like,
22:46
Speaker 1: that seems like a harsh way to tell me something
22:50
Speaker 1: like this, And then I ended up she wanted to
22:54
Speaker 1: put me on birth control because of my low estrogen.
22:58
Speaker 1: She was like, you need to it's early, you're an
23:01
Speaker 1: early perimenopause. You need to get on this. And I
23:04
Speaker 1: hate birth control. So I didn't go on it, and
23:08
Speaker 1: I ended up pregnant two months ago and it was
23:10
Speaker 1: in the ovary that I almost lost and that never
23:13
Speaker 1: would have happened if I had got on birth control.
23:16
Speaker 2: Wow. So this is actually why I wanted to have
23:20
Speaker 2: you on the show? Was this metamorphosis into so I
23:25
Speaker 2: met you on Twitter?
23:27
Speaker 1: I don't know, not twenty I was just writing about
23:31
Speaker 1: this actually because I'm writing a book, and part of
23:35
Speaker 1: it is when I was like, I wanted to help
23:37
Speaker 1: you move, So I said yes to going on Gavin
23:41
Speaker 1: McGinnis's show. I remember because you lives is it a
23:47
Speaker 1: free flights at DC Because I had no money at
23:50
Speaker 1: the time I meet and I was just freelancing and
23:53
Speaker 1: we had met out in La I think probably twenty seventeen.
23:58
Speaker 1: It's been like a decade. That sounds right, Yeah, that
24:01
Speaker 1: sounds right, which is crazy.
24:03
Speaker 2: You have changed a great deal.
24:06
Speaker 1: And I hope so.
24:07
Speaker 2: I no, but more than most people changed in a decade.
24:11
Speaker 2: You went from I've seen your breasts, everyone's saw your breasts.
24:17
Speaker 2: You were you know, you were writing for Playboy, very different,
24:21
Speaker 2: and now you're this. Do you have a sour starter
24:25
Speaker 2: in your house? Now?
24:25
Speaker 1: I do? Yeah, it's going right now.
24:27
Speaker 2: Now you're a mom and you have sourdough starter. I
24:31
Speaker 2: never pictured this. I really have to tell you, and
24:35
Speaker 2: it has really changed you having a kid. And I
24:39
Speaker 2: wanted to sort of picket you a little bit about
24:42
Speaker 2: this because, first of all, like why, what what made you?
24:49
Speaker 2: You kind of alluded to it a second ago, like
24:51
Speaker 2: you know, you got pregnant and realized I want to
24:53
Speaker 2: have a baby with this man. But but then sort
24:57
Speaker 2: of like how has this really big thing? Because I remember,
25:02
Speaker 2: and I was before that before we started taping, I
25:04
Speaker 2: was trying to find this very famous tweet that you
25:06
Speaker 2: sent to Ben Shapiro where Ben was saying how how
25:11
Speaker 2: wonderful and gratifying and fulfilling it is to be a parent,
25:15
Speaker 2: and you said, you know what's great naps? Yeah, naps
25:19
Speaker 2: are great, And now here you are espousing the same stuff.
25:24
Speaker 2: Ben was saying, I know, it's crazy, So how did
25:27
Speaker 2: this happen?
25:28
Speaker 1: I mean, it's been such a long and winding road.
25:33
Speaker 1: Ben's interesting too, because I was talking to somebody about
25:38
Speaker 1: this the other day when I, in many ways, like
25:42
Speaker 1: you said, I've kind of grown up publicly and it's
25:45
Speaker 1: been very uncomfortable and I'm still continuing to And I
25:49
Speaker 1: wasn't someone who set out to be in this political
25:53
Speaker 1: space at all, so coming into it, as you said,
25:58
Speaker 1: like writing for Playboy, just wanted to be an entertainer.
26:01
Speaker 1: And then I met my husband and we fell in love.
26:07
Speaker 1: And I remember my mom a long time ago, I
26:09
Speaker 1: was like, I don't really want kids. When I was younger,
26:11
Speaker 1: I did want kids, and then as I got older
26:13
Speaker 1: and more just like took internalize a lot of the
26:18
Speaker 1: messaging from the culture, I was like, I don't want kids.
26:21
Speaker 1: I just don't think it's for me.
26:23
Speaker 2: And my mom said, back on you a second there,
26:26
Speaker 2: do you feel like you thought that when you helped
26:28
Speaker 2: me move eight years ago? Do you feel like you
26:30
Speaker 2: were still there because you were so happy to be
26:35
Speaker 2: around my children.
26:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love kids, and I worked with kids. I
26:39
Speaker 1: worked with kids with autism. I'm the oldest of five,
26:42
Speaker 1: so I think like taking care of kids comes very
26:45
Speaker 1: naturally and fun. And it did being around kids. It did.
26:52
Speaker 1: Like my mom said, she said, when I said I
26:54
Speaker 1: didn't want kids, she said, oh, then you've never been
26:57
Speaker 1: in love. And that was And this is what I
26:59
Speaker 1: think really gets really is missing in our entire discourse
27:05
Speaker 1: about women and having children and all this stuff. I
27:09
Speaker 1: didn't just want kids. I wanted a family. I come
27:14
Speaker 1: from a broken family. I wanted to have a loving family.
27:18
Speaker 1: I wanted to have a husband, a father in my
27:22
Speaker 1: child's life. I know that's not possible for everybody, and
27:26
Speaker 1: things change and people go in different ways, but that
27:29
Speaker 1: was how I didn't want to take the part. Yeah,
27:32
Speaker 1: and it's also as they've done more and more studies
27:36
Speaker 1: on the biggest advantage you can give your children more
27:38
Speaker 1: than anything, more than money, more than education, is just
27:43
Speaker 1: a stable, too, loving, too parent household. And I just
27:50
Speaker 1: didn't want to have a kid. To have a kid,
27:54
Speaker 1: I've had younger family members who were single parents and
27:58
Speaker 1: had kids young, and I I had a front row
28:01
Speaker 1: seat to seeing how hard that was when you were
28:04
Speaker 1: on your own doing it. That was not something I
28:06
Speaker 1: wanted to opt into just willingly. So I think a
28:10
Speaker 1: lot of women out there really want to have kids
28:14
Speaker 1: and they have not found that man that has inspired that.
28:18
Speaker 1: Even women who don't know that they want to have
28:20
Speaker 1: kids have not found that man that inspires that feeling
28:24
Speaker 1: of like I want to have seven of your babies. Yes,
28:27
Speaker 1: and it is love. It is something chemical that happens.
28:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also evolutionary, I think totally.
28:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I mean i'd been with men, it hadn't
28:36
Speaker 1: really been inspired in me. I think it also is
28:39
Speaker 1: a husband who you feel safe with, who's loving and
28:43
Speaker 1: feels like someone who can provide for you and take
28:46
Speaker 1: care of you and is attentive to your needs and
28:51
Speaker 1: feels protective of you in the world. Like the very basic, again,
28:55
Speaker 1: evolutionary thing. So that was very much activated when I
29:00
Speaker 1: got together with my husband, and then when I had
29:04
Speaker 1: the ectopic pregnancy and for a minute we were like,
29:06
Speaker 1: holy shit, we're gonna it wasn't even really on our
29:09
Speaker 1: radar because we already felt so old. That was when
29:13
Speaker 1: I really had to consider it. And then it was
29:17
Speaker 1: going into the whole IVF process because then I started
29:21
Speaker 1: to consider it that I was introduced to my obgyn,
29:27
Speaker 1: who was like amazing. He just he was just the
29:31
Speaker 1: most He listened to you, he heard what you wanted
29:34
Speaker 1: to say, he heard you and what you wanted. He
29:38
Speaker 1: was funny, he had great bedside manner. He was just
29:41
Speaker 1: he was incredible, just incredible. Also just a human who
29:45
Speaker 1: lived fully and it was such a loss when we
29:50
Speaker 1: lost him. So that was really how it came about.
29:55
Speaker 1: And then yeah, it's been. It was radicalizing in ways
30:00
Speaker 1: that I did not fully understand because, as I've said
30:04
Speaker 1: many times before on other podcasts, I was I was
30:08
Speaker 1: always kind of able to be like like the I
30:11
Speaker 1: mean I see this, even with like mar you get
30:13
Speaker 1: to kind of be the like and I love him,
30:15
Speaker 1: but you get to be the like sneering, like a
30:19
Speaker 1: little too cool for all this discourse. And I'm like
30:23
Speaker 1: the gen X kid in the back of the room
30:25
Speaker 1: making fun of all you nerds who care too much
30:29
Speaker 1: in the front of the room. And then I had
30:32
Speaker 1: a kid, and I was like, ah shit, I've got
30:34
Speaker 1: literal skin in the game. Now now I have to
30:37
Speaker 1: care I do. There was something different that kicked in
30:41
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh, I was watching him stand
30:44
Speaker 1: up set from my friend the other night, and he's
30:47
Speaker 1: brilliant and so funny, and he was talking about it's
30:50
Speaker 1: like a general just in general about like society, signs
30:55
Speaker 1: of society's collapse, and I was like, Oh, I envy
31:00
Speaker 1: being able to have that kind of unfiltered look. It's
31:04
Speaker 1: just a different look at society because he doesn't have kids.
31:10
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I have to choose to be optimistic.
31:15
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I don't have to, but I'm
31:17
Speaker 1: choosing to be optimistic because I have I want to
31:20
Speaker 1: leave something better for this person, not not worse, and
31:25
Speaker 1: I want to I want her to have a better
31:27
Speaker 1: life than I had and more opportunities than I had,
31:30
Speaker 1: And and.
31:31
Speaker 2: That thing nothing our backgrounds is that she will have
31:36
Speaker 2: it better because it can't get worse.
31:40
Speaker 1: I mean, it can always get worse.
31:43
Speaker 2: She's coming from a happy two family, you know, two
31:46
Speaker 2: parent family, where she's you know, raised in a very
31:49
Speaker 2: healthy way. It's extremely statistically unlikely it will get worse
31:53
Speaker 2: for her.
31:54
Speaker 1: Well, depending on what happens in society. I mean, I guess,
31:57
Speaker 1: like the broader look of things is like it can
32:01
Speaker 1: always get worse. Maybe that's.
32:10
Speaker 2: Hi, this is a young culture.
32:12
Speaker 1: Welcome to my Ricochet podcast and Culter. Every week on Ricochet,
32:17
Speaker 1: You're home to Center Right Conversation. Hey, that was pretty good.
32:29
Speaker 2: But I see like there's always going to be jobs,
32:32
Speaker 2: There's always going to be things going on, and our
32:35
Speaker 2: kids are the ones who are being raised with a
32:39
Speaker 2: straight moral compass and a work ethic and an interest
32:43
Speaker 2: in the world and a desire to do things and
32:46
Speaker 2: to achieve things. And that is irreplaceable that you can't manufacture,
32:54
Speaker 2: that you can't buy that, and it's an increasingly rare
32:58
Speaker 2: quality that that is an eight and someone but it
33:02
Speaker 2: starts when they're you know, two or three years old.
33:05
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So that was And then it also just
33:09
Speaker 1: kind of radicalized me to get out of LA. I
33:11
Speaker 1: was like, I don't want to. I don't want to.
33:13
Speaker 1: I would be walking her when she was a baby
33:16
Speaker 1: because I had her in LA and was there for
33:18
Speaker 1: the we move basically that I'm in Texas now and
33:21
Speaker 1: the the moving truck got here on her first birthday.
33:24
Speaker 1: Because I was like, I am not raising her here,
33:28
Speaker 1: even though there's so many amazing things about California. Every
33:31
Speaker 1: time I would walk it just like Mama Bear kicked
33:34
Speaker 1: in where I'm like, I've got to I can't be
33:36
Speaker 1: worried about some crazy It's bad enough when you're just
33:40
Speaker 1: a woman worried about your safety, and then suddenly now
33:42
Speaker 1: you have a kid or more than one kid, and
33:45
Speaker 1: there's a crazy person and you're like, i'd be like,
33:48
Speaker 1: all right, I'm going to cross the street and try
33:50
Speaker 1: and avoid this crazy person. And I had this moment
33:53
Speaker 1: under the freeway where there's I had her in the
33:56
Speaker 1: car and there was a crazy person like swinging a
33:59
Speaker 1: metal rod around and I was stuck in traffic and
34:01
Speaker 1: I and she was on that side of the car
34:06
Speaker 1: where he was like swinging around. I'm like, if this motherfucker,
34:09
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna go to jail for murder. Yeah,
34:11
Speaker 1: Like if he swings that at a window and hits it,
34:15
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to jail. And she will not
34:19
Speaker 1: have a mom like there was and I was. She
34:22
Speaker 1: was so little. It's so it's so crazy. It's so
34:26
Speaker 1: crazy too when you first have a baby, you're like,
34:28
Speaker 1: I never want to work again. That first like fourth trimester,
34:34
Speaker 1: I was like, mom, I'm good. I never I don't
34:38
Speaker 1: think I have any ambition to do anything ever again.
34:41
Speaker 2: And then I feel like that's still uh no, it kind.
34:45
Speaker 1: Of came back. It's I'm I feel that perpetual like
34:51
Speaker 1: I'm not doing I feel like i'm I always feel torn,
34:57
Speaker 1: and I think that's just mom's who work. Yeah, Like
35:01
Speaker 1: I feel like I should be home spending more time
35:05
Speaker 1: with her than I am, but I'm working a lot.
35:08
Speaker 1: And it's like that weird balance of and knowing that
35:13
Speaker 1: the time just goes so fast it's insane. I can't
35:16
Speaker 1: believe she's going to be four. I can't believe that. Yeah,
35:20
Speaker 1: I went fast on my end.
35:21
Speaker 2: That went fast.
35:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just went by. And that's a Jordan Peterson
35:26
Speaker 1: clip that goes viral all the time. It makes me sob.
35:32
Speaker 2: You know exactly what you're talking about. No, I mean
35:34
Speaker 2: it's like I'm home with my kids all the time
35:37
Speaker 2: and always have been, and you know, we homeschool and
35:40
Speaker 2: all those things. But I am always working, I'm always
35:45
Speaker 2: on my phone. I'm always distracted. But I don't know
35:49
Speaker 2: if I'm capable of not, Like, even if we didn't
35:51
Speaker 2: have the financial incentive, I think there's something broken in me.
35:55
Speaker 2: I just can't ever stop and slow down. And I'm
35:59
Speaker 2: glad that I didn't because I feel like I would
36:01
Speaker 2: have gone crazy. I think even a stay at home
36:05
Speaker 2: mom needs mental stimulation of some kind. And there's a
36:09
Speaker 2: lot of stay at home mom friends that I know
36:10
Speaker 2: that don't work, who are self starters enough to like,
36:14
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do this Bible study I'm gonna do And
36:18
Speaker 2: I don't have that in me. But if I'm working
36:22
Speaker 2: and I'm making money, that I have a ride, I
36:25
Speaker 2: have a drive for that. I have, you know, the
36:27
Speaker 2: impulse to be like, let's work hard. Yeah, so, and
36:31
Speaker 2: it kept me sane. You know I'm not I'm not
36:33
Speaker 2: despite being you know, a mom of six, I'm not
36:37
Speaker 2: a baby person.
36:38
Speaker 1: I can't just.
36:40
Speaker 2: Play with you and read with you. I find it
36:43
Speaker 2: exhausting and I would rather do almost anything else.
36:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had I I it's so funny too, like
36:52
Speaker 1: that the parenting teaches you so much about your Like
36:56
Speaker 1: if I told you what I imagined my nighttime routine
36:59
Speaker 1: would versus what it was with my infant daughter, it
37:04
Speaker 1: would if like I wish I could do like a
37:06
Speaker 1: side by side it was not me like giving her
37:10
Speaker 1: a lavender bath and putting her in a swaddle and
37:13
Speaker 1: singing a lullaby. I was literally just bouncing on a
37:16
Speaker 1: fucking ball, being like sh in these contorted positions because
37:22
Speaker 1: she just had the you know, late night the cries.
37:29
Speaker 1: I never hour.
37:31
Speaker 2: I never thought I would be the lavender baths and
37:35
Speaker 2: and I think that's something that I love about the
37:37
Speaker 2: people that I watched as a young mom, and as
37:40
Speaker 2: part of why I wanted to do mom Wars actually
37:43
Speaker 2: because they gave me a vision for being a mom
37:47
Speaker 2: without being overly pinteresting and maternal and empathetic, and you know,
37:55
Speaker 2: that's it's never been me. I really like my kids,
37:58
Speaker 2: and but I really like that as kids. My twelve
38:02
Speaker 2: year old, my eleven year old, my almost nine year old,
38:06
Speaker 2: kind of my almost seven year old that is my
38:09
Speaker 2: jam and my three and four year olds. I also
38:13
Speaker 2: extremely like those ages. But I know I'll like them
38:15
Speaker 2: when they're a little bit older. But when they were
38:18
Speaker 2: nine months old, I would rather be anywhere in the
38:21
Speaker 2: world than I'm just being honest, And I loved them
38:24
Speaker 2: and I wanted to be with them, and intellectually I
38:26
Speaker 2: was like, I should be with them. I should, but
38:28
Speaker 2: I'm not a baby person. I couldn't. I couldn't handle it.
38:32
Speaker 2: The newborn phase was cute and sweet, but whenever anyone
38:37
Speaker 2: would say do you want can I hold your baby?
38:39
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, please.
38:42
Speaker 1: Take your time.
38:45
Speaker 2: This was never my jam.
38:47
Speaker 1: I think because I only had one, I just knew
38:50
Speaker 1: to like stay present and enjoy it, you know. I
38:53
Speaker 1: tried to just be But yeah, and I didn't watch
38:57
Speaker 1: any mom content. I never watched any of it. I
38:59
Speaker 1: think I just had an idea that it would be
39:01
Speaker 1: like it was basically just taken from my own mom.
39:06
Speaker 1: I was very I think, easy child, and I slept
39:10
Speaker 1: well and it was easy to get me down. It
39:12
Speaker 1: didn't sound like I was very hard. And my daughter
39:15
Speaker 1: has my thing of like hating sleep, and she just
39:20
Speaker 1: she just wants to play, she tells me. Now, my
39:24
Speaker 1: brain just wants me to play. I'm like, I got.
39:26
Speaker 2: That's my seven year old. She's a tough one. Yeah.
39:30
Speaker 2: But you also had the benefit of being the oldest
39:33
Speaker 2: of five, and so you you not only somewhat remember
39:37
Speaker 2: your childhood. I think everyone doesn't remember as much as
39:40
Speaker 2: they think they do, but you do remember watching your
39:42
Speaker 2: mother mother, and that is extremely valuable. And it's funny
39:47
Speaker 2: because my oldest daughter will say things like you never
39:51
Speaker 2: did that with me, and I'm thinking to myself, girl,
39:54
Speaker 2: you got all the attention. Yeah, you got all of me,
39:57
Speaker 2: and you got a much better version of me. I
39:59
Speaker 2: was much less tired with you. And so she has
40:03
Speaker 2: watched me mother you know, kids four, five, and six
40:06
Speaker 2: pretty pretty coherently. She's been old enough, but even she
40:12
Speaker 2: doesn't quite have the memory of accuracy, because I'm like, girl,
40:18
Speaker 2: you don't even know.
40:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, you had it all, you had it all. I
40:23
Speaker 1: feel like I did know that I had it all,
40:25
Speaker 1: because every picture of me holding a subsequent baby is
40:28
Speaker 1: me with less of a smile. It was like, I
40:33
Speaker 1: know what this means right.
40:35
Speaker 2: Right now, my kids are begging me to have a
40:36
Speaker 2: seventh and they know now that it's like really because
40:40
Speaker 2: of our car, and they're like, should we should we
40:44
Speaker 2: tweet Elon Musk like what do we have to do?
40:48
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I mean, Elon's really got to I'm forty,
40:52
Speaker 2: Elon's really got to release this puppy in the next
40:54
Speaker 2: eighteen months or so, guys, and then that's it. The
40:58
Speaker 2: door is closed.
41:00
Speaker 1: Yeah maybe, I mean my friend's mom at her baby
41:04
Speaker 1: shower the other day, told me that she her mom
41:06
Speaker 1: had her forty eight. I don't want to do that. No,
41:11
Speaker 1: I don't actually want to do that to my kid.
41:15
Speaker 1: It's already being an old mom. It's so. I mean,
41:19
Speaker 1: this is why I wrote that piece have kids young,
41:23
Speaker 1: because not only do you get I get less time
41:27
Speaker 1: with her, which is emotional to think about, although maybe
41:32
Speaker 1: not because maybe we'll live forever, but assuming things go
41:39
Speaker 1: like they go, I get less time with her, and
41:43
Speaker 1: then she just got less time with all of her grands.
41:46
Speaker 1: She's getting less time with her grandparents. So if you
41:48
Speaker 1: want how, they're not really they can't really watch her.
41:53
Speaker 1: You know my siblings who had kids younger and had
41:56
Speaker 1: their grandparents at sixty, so different than late seventies eighty grandparents. Yeah,
42:03
Speaker 1: who are now they need our help as well.
42:07
Speaker 2: So it's you're the Sandwich generation.
42:10
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, it's it's it's kind of crazy. But
42:15
Speaker 1: again I have one, so I can manage it, right, right,
42:19
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't. I don't know how. That's why
42:22
Speaker 1: I do think people, but I worry because it seems
42:25
Speaker 1: like the sexes are going, you know, they're getting like
42:29
Speaker 1: torn apart by stupid politics.
42:33
Speaker 2: I don't think it's I mean, I think all that.
42:35
Speaker 2: I think politics is downstream of culture, and I think
42:37
Speaker 2: our culture is rotting to its core. I think on
42:41
Speaker 2: the women's side, it's a lot of this angry anti
42:45
Speaker 2: man feminism, and for men it's porn. Porn is rotting
42:50
Speaker 2: their brains out, and they cannot understand how to have
42:54
Speaker 2: a healthy interface with a woman, and they're scared to
43:01
Speaker 2: talk to women. Because I was talking to a friend
43:03
Speaker 2: the other day and he said he was on the
43:05
Speaker 2: subway and he stood up for a woman and she
43:07
Speaker 2: yelled at him, and he and then like a week later,
43:12
Speaker 2: a woman was standing in front of him and he
43:13
Speaker 2: didn't stand because he learned his lesson, and she yelled
43:16
Speaker 2: at him. And he looked at the second woman and
43:18
Speaker 2: was like I got yelled at last week, And I
43:20
Speaker 2: just want you people to decide, am I supposed to stand?
43:23
Speaker 2: Or am I not supposed to stand? And it's the
43:26
Speaker 2: same thing when you know you want to approach a
43:28
Speaker 2: woman and ask her for her number. I was, actually,
43:33
Speaker 2: I've thought of you this morning. I read a tweet
43:36
Speaker 2: and I want to know what you think about it.
43:38
Speaker 2: This guy was complaining on Reddit that whenever him and
43:41
Speaker 2: his girlfriend got into an argument, she would take her
43:43
Speaker 2: top off and just stand there topless, and he was
43:47
Speaker 2: incapable of fighting with her anymore. What are your thoughts
43:52
Speaker 2: on that?
43:53
Speaker 1: I mean effective, right, Yeah, it's pretty genius.
43:59
Speaker 2: It sounds right. I thought that as well. I was like, well,
44:02
Speaker 2: that's great, you guys.
44:03
Speaker 1: Reminds me a little bit of the viral video that's
44:06
Speaker 1: going around where it's the mom like having kids with
44:09
Speaker 1: the tantrums and they go Jessicattica. Yeah, so like that.
44:15
Speaker 2: I read that reddit post on Twitter and I was like,
44:18
Speaker 2: that's brilliant. You stop fighting and you get laid when when?
44:22
Speaker 2: And he was really incensed about it. And I read
44:25
Speaker 2: the comments expecting people to be like, dude, you have
44:28
Speaker 2: it made. This is great marry that one and every
44:32
Speaker 2: single one of the top comments was like this seems abusive.
44:36
Speaker 2: This is terrible. This is an unhealthy relationship.
44:39
Speaker 1: I'm like, from men or women both both, and I.
44:44
Speaker 2: Could thank you your face is what I felt. I
44:48
Speaker 2: could not understand. Yeah, why why it's manipulaeal it's sexual
44:57
Speaker 2: abuse and sexual assault to assault to him with the
45:01
Speaker 2: view of her chest.
45:02
Speaker 1: What what.
45:07
Speaker 2: I and this is like, they don't they don't understand
45:11
Speaker 2: that things are not perfect, and they're always looking to
45:16
Speaker 2: be offended by things, and I just that was you're
45:20
Speaker 2: looking for something to complain about there, I'm sorry, that
45:24
Speaker 2: is not a problem that your girlfriend shows you her boobs, because.
45:28
Speaker 1: It's kind of like you and funny.
45:31
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it's one of my favorite episodes of How
45:35
Speaker 2: I Met Your Mother Whenever, whenever one.
45:39
Speaker 1: Of the female characters coming up.
45:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, when one of the female characters wanted to get laid,
45:44
Speaker 2: she would just naked ban him and she would. He
45:46
Speaker 2: would get in bed and she was naked, and he
45:48
Speaker 2: was like, you don't try to wind me and dine
45:51
Speaker 2: me anymore. I I just I submit, and there's just
45:55
Speaker 2: there's no fun in this anymore. And she this is
45:59
Speaker 2: I think one of those things couldn't be made now.
46:00
Speaker 2: Was like, I'm sorry, are you complaining that when you
46:03
Speaker 2: get into bed sometimes your girlfriend is just naked? And
46:07
Speaker 2: he was like, yeah, fairpoint, Okay, fine.
46:10
Speaker 1: We were referenced the show today because we'd covered Kanye
46:16
Speaker 1: and Luisy K because they were both in the news
46:19
Speaker 1: and like the whole debate about cancel culture is back
46:22
Speaker 1: and people aren't canceled and whatever, and I was saying
46:26
Speaker 1: that it's like the we referenced it because they talk
46:29
Speaker 1: about the like hot crazy matrix. But I was like that,
46:32
Speaker 1: you guys don't understand. There is a female version of
46:34
Speaker 1: it and it's the genius asshole matrix, and like these
46:38
Speaker 1: guys are geniuses and so people are going to give
46:43
Speaker 1: them a pass. And Kanye has for twenty years been
46:46
Speaker 1: like flip flopping on that like torture genius line, and
46:51
Speaker 1: many of us have grown up seeing these cycles and
46:54
Speaker 1: also it is mental illness and excuse or is it not?
46:58
Speaker 1: We just went through like the old baffted thing, like
47:01
Speaker 1: what what are what? What are we letting pass here?
47:05
Speaker 1: And it was like how I met your mother? I
47:08
Speaker 1: was like, damn they made that in two thousand and seven,
47:10
Speaker 1: Like you could not even make that joke anymore.
47:13
Speaker 2: You know, nothing can be funny anymore. No, my alarm
47:17
Speaker 2: went off because I have to be on Hugh Hewittt
47:20
Speaker 2: Show in twenty minutes and I am so forgetful that
47:24
Speaker 2: I have to set an alarm that breaks through my
47:27
Speaker 2: do not disturb because I forget? Is that embarrassing?
47:32
Speaker 1: No?
47:33
Speaker 2: I am not. And I usually also set alarms for
47:36
Speaker 2: like when I need to pick up children.
47:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you have six kids, dude.
47:40
Speaker 2: But I and I just remembered when my alarm went
47:43
Speaker 2: off that I should have checked my phone at some
47:45
Speaker 2: point in this conversation to see if my kid wanted
47:47
Speaker 2: to be picked up at her friend's house. Oh oops,
47:49
Speaker 2: hope she didn't take a walk. Thank you so much
47:54
Speaker 2: for coming on again. Where can friend? Where can folks
47:57
Speaker 2: find you?
47:58
Speaker 1: I'm at? Just go to fetasy dot com. P H
48:02
Speaker 1: E T A s y dot com. All my shows
48:05
Speaker 1: are there, or you can find me on x at
48:07
Speaker 1: Bridge of Fetasy those or Instagram too, but at Bridge
48:11
Speaker 1: of Fantasy. But every all my content is on fetasy
48:14
Speaker 1: dot com.
48:15
Speaker 2: There you go, all right? Well until next time, everyone,
48:18
Speaker 2: you saddle.
48:19
Speaker 1: Up ricochet Join the conversation