Latest / Voices for Voices® / How Jessica Renner Went From Addict To Ironwoman | Episode 129

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How Jessica Renner Went From Addict To Ironwoman | Episode 129 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:04
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• 1:00
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• 1:11
  Speaker 1: So this episode is part two from last week's first part and, for those that weren't able to catch last week's episode, we are going to start in with a social media post that our guest made and then we will continue our conversation from part one.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Part one.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So the post goes quote what nine years can do in your life if you let go and let God.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I had no idea how my life was going to work or how I would get myself out of the mess I created.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I created a self-made hell.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I had nothing to my name.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget hitting my knees in Liberty Place Recovery Center, begging God to please help me.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to die with a needle in my arm.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I remember saying God, please do something with me.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I remember saying God, please do something with me.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I remember waking up the next morning with gratitude for life.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I had a fire burning inside of me.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I had no idea what or how this recovery thing worked, but I just kept getting up and putting in the work.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I promised God if he opened a door, I would walk through it.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: He has opened more doors than I could count and he continues to blow my mind.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I can't even believe my life today is actually my life.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: If you are struggling with addiction and don't know how to get out, please give me a call at.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: There is a way out.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: You have to start somewhere, get busy living.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: And that post was made by our guest that is joining us via Zoom from Mount Vernon, kentucky.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: She is the executive director at Lake Cumberland Recovery and she is Jessica Renner.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Jessica, thank you for joining us again.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you for having me you bet, thank you, thank you for having me.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: You bet yeah.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: So I thought maybe we could build a little bit on some of the first stages or areas where you had to have acceptance.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Can you describe just a little bit of like what that means to or meant to you and how?
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe somebody may be able to relate to that?
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: well, I think the struggle that I had the most was accepting the things that I had done, right, the mess I had created, my past and I had to make.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I had to figure out how I could let that go.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: So in the in the big book it says in the promises, uh, not to shut the door on our, on our past.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: And so I had to figure that out.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: So today I realized that my mess is actually my message.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: So today I'm very open about all the struggles, all my charges that I have got and I use those struggles to help other individuals.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Look, no matter what you've done, no matter how far down the scale you have been, you can use that mess into a message to help someone else out.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: So when I had to come to terms with that, I had to stop regretting the past and I don't forget it because I used my past with other individuals' data.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: So when I forgave myself I guess that's more of the acceptance that I had with it I had to forgive me and I had to start loving me, because I didn't love the person that I looked in the mirror.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: My self-worth was.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It took me years to get self-worth, but I had a lady that believed in me and I think that's really what changed my life.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: When she called me from Denny's her name is Angie, she's still a dear friend of mine today when she called and offered me that job, a lot of people was like, well, jessica, that was just a waitress job, but as an addict that never got opportunities for someone to call and say, hey, I want you to be a part of, changed my life.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: So, and today I use that a lot because I know what that done in my life.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Another moment that changed my life was she was at work and she's like, hey, she knew I was getting off and she said can you take my kid home with you?
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I've got a meeting.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, mind you, I mean, you're sober.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Someone's kid is their greatest asset like she trusted me to take her kid home and so it was little things like people telling me that, jessica, you are meant for more.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Um, I had no idea my life was going to be what it is.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: I didn't care I if I was still at Diddy's today, like I love waiting on, I love waiting tables, I love people, um, and you get to hear a lot of stories and I connect with people.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: So just loving myself really changed a lot.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: And then stop worrying about the future, because when I, I was worried about, you know, these charges is going to go with me the rest of my life.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Um, and the cool thing is I'm actually working on my expungement last week is going to go with me the rest of my life, and the cool thing is I'm actually working on my expungement.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Last week I already got six things expunged, so pretty soon I'm not even going to be a felon, right?
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: So if you would have told me nine years ago that all your charges are going to be expunged, back then that wasn't a thing.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: You had to pay a lot of money that I didn't have so, and today I'm getting it done for free.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: So that's, that's super cool, and the happiness.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I think that's what, um, when I started to love myself and truly like the person that I was.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: And um, because the negative self-talk will really talk you out of a lot of things.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: A lot of people stop themselves from great things happening because of fear.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, face everything and recover, right.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: So?
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: And fear is a lie.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: So, you know, when I get new opportunities, when that negative start talks like well, you're not qualified for this, I immediately shut it down.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: I start I've got about 10 people that I can contact at any time, and if I wanted to be an astronaut, I would call these 10 people and they would sell me a suit, right and so and it's your circle.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: So you are who you are with the five people you hang out with.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: So if you hang out with five unemployed people, you're going to be the sixth.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: If you hang out with five employed people, you're going to be the sixth.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: If you hang out with five employed people, you're going to be the sixth.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: If you hang out with five people in recovery, you're going to be the sixth.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: So when I got sober, I started you know, I took that with my whole heart Like, okay, who's my five people?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Well, at first I didn't know five people employed.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: So when I got that job at the daunt, one of my first friends was a therapist.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: So I started hanging out with all these therapists.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Today she's still active in my life.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: So what's really cool about when you really take these little cliches that you hear and run with it?
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Just change it.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Just try it.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Go find your five friends and start hanging out with them and see where it goes, because it's truly played an added part in my life of being sober.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and we had talked I believe it was off camera but we were talking and it kind of comes into the fear, the fear of the future, the fear of what might happen, and that you know there's stats out there and and you know 80 plus percent of the things that we fear or worry about well, what if this, what if that don't even come to fruition?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And we sometimes spend so much mental, intellectual energy, on, on, and I think that that was helpful to you because that took some of that fear away.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, there are things to be fearful of, but some of the things that we in our mind we build up and build up as like, well, this may never happen, or it might be 10 years down the road, and so many things can happen.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Can you talk about how you were able to kind of have that mindset change of like?
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm just gonna, you know, go day by day well, and, and you know, the half of that was showing um, if you show up every day, things is gonna happen.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Um, and I was thinking about my journey yesterday when I was sitting at the facility watching them paint the shutters.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Um, so many people told me that it wouldn't happen, and I understand they wasn't trying to be a negative nancy, but in their mind, someone like me could not pull it off.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I couldn't even pull it off right.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: So, and it's?
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: I never gave up on that dream and I never quit working on it.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: So for the last nine years, like the houses, I've toured the treatment centers, I've went to the work, the people I've met and I've just kept putting in the work.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: And that's like every morning I get up and you know I have a prayer that I say every morning God, who do you want me to help?
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And I knew in my whole heart it was going to happen.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I didn't know when.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: A lot of people would have done, gave up and not put in that work.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: That man did Right, because it wasn't something that happened overnight.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Do you know how many no's I got told?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Do you know how many tons Right?
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: And the funny thing is is I never got discouraged.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: I was like, well, it's gonna be, god's gonna use somebody else, right, and that's what I do.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I talked to people, um, yesterday a little, a girl called me and, uh, she didn't get a job because of her background, you know.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: And she's like I just want to give up.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: And I was like, listen, god's gonna open up a better door.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I know, right now you don't see that and you feel discouraged Like the.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: We have to get up every day and get up and put in the work, regardless of what it is.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: When I first started, I loved Denny's, but I'm grateful that I'm not there now.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Right, you couldn't have told me that nine years ago?
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I, nine years ago, I didn't see myself doing anything else other than that.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: So, and that's why I think it's very vital that you hang out with people that are positive Patsies, I don't really hang out with many negative Nancys.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Really hang out with many negative Nancy's.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Nobody likes to be around somebody negative, and my wife was so negative for the last 25 years.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Why do I want to have somebody?
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: That's just always doom and gloom.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: You know, and you think about that.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Who you hang out with, you know there's always well, this is just a horrible day.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: And if you do that, waking up in the morning, you're going to have a horrible day.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: So I just I started that in treatment and I've continued.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Every morning I get up and I'm I'm excited.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: But if you come from where I come from, I was homeless.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I was living in a van that didn't run.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: I didn't have food to eat.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So today it is kind of overwhelming because I have a couple cars, you know.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: But the gratitude I have every day of everything I have, I think is a real big deal.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: And today I value people so much in my life.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Um, like you have to be a friend to be a friend.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: So I have a and I really my friends are kind of like my family.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Uh, we do we go on recovery trips.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Actually, at that we're going down a river, um north carolina, we're gonna be tubing for like four hours and a couple weekends.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: So we do a lot of recovery related.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: So my goal was, when I got sober, I was like, what do sober people do?
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: like I thought sober was boring me too I was like so really, I mean, they're like sticking to mud.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: So so what I've done was I started creating how to do fun things and I figured out that the more people you have, the cheaper it will be.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: So we'll rent Airbnbs and we'll split it between 10 people and sometimes you can go to a trip on the weekends.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: This weekend this trip is going to cost us $100 a piece, right for all weekend, and that's plus doing the tubing.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: So I've done that for the last six years.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: So one of my sponsees I took jumping out of a plane and gave her her coin on the plane her two years.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: So I don't know, I've just put my own spin on recovery.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Right, I want people to get inspired when they see my friend group, because when I got sober I had to figure it out Like there wasn't many sober people in Rock Castle County.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: So I had to figure out like, how does this sober thing work?
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: And so far I have.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: There's a method to my madness now.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: And gosh, listen, if you're struggling with addiction and I'm going to just put my phone number on here here 606-392-9440, if you're struggling with addiction at all or mental health man, pick up the phone because there is people out there that care and listen.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I will believe in you until you can believe it.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Um, and my whole team and that's what it's built on is is love and tolerance.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Listen, to have people to truly love me today for who I am and don't want anything in return.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: It's a feeling I can't even explain, um, and and that's because, in the madness that we just create with so much negativity around us, everybody we involved with are are takers, um, and that's why I love this recovery thing, because even if you don't have family, you're gonna have a recovery family and you're gonna be closer than family.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: So it's just an amazing journey.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: It is so one thing about like I've had that feeling of the boringness and when I become sober, what do people do?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I've so been on a certain lifestyle of sorts, and one of the areas that I had a hard time to get through was, like therapy, Like, well, I don't, I don't need to talk to anybody.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I know everything, I can Google anything, I don't need to talk to somebody.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: And that was one of the big hurdles for me was like not to put a big emphasis on oh, it's therapy.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Well, it is therapy, but I look at it as I'm just sitting down talking about things that are going on in my life, and if they spot something they'll chime in, but for me it's nothing.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I'll say nothing more.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: But it's very little more than just having a conversation, just talking, and then leaving and like, oh, wow, that felt really good to just share these, these things, and kind of like journaling, you know, just put something down and and now it's out of my my head, out of my brain, and that part of my brain can be used for something positive.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: That part of my brain can be used for something positive.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Therapy.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: I used to, and it's because if you ever had a bad experience with therapy, people's like oh, and you use that one experience and I'm such an advocate.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Listen, my, my husband's like Jessica, sometimes you use the Walmart clerk as a therapist.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: I listen, I'm an open book now, but when I realized how freeing it was to get all that off.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: So today, if I deal with a situation I immediately call, my sponsor is actually a legit therapist and she's been in the field for many.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, she's 80 now.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: So therapy is such a way I think everybody needs to to to like.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: And here's the thing if you had a bad experience, it's it's just like in the madness.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: You know, when you, the dope man, wasn't there, what'd do?
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: You went to another right.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: So do the same thing with there, keep trying, because when you find your person like when I leave therapy, I'm like oh, I needed that yes and the cool thing in recovery is we think you know getting it out from up here is so freeing and then having somebody say you know what?
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: I have those thoughts too, or that happened to me and this is what I've done.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: So it's like that's why I love people in long-term recovery.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: They have this, this thing, that's worked for them and it's like a little map.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: So we share maps with each other on how to get to the destination we want to go to right, and that's how I pick my people I hang out with.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I look for people that they have something I want, as in um, how they deal with issues.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: I have a guy that he's a therapist and he never lets anything get to him.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: I seen his phone got stolen one day and he's like well, I just needed another phone and I was like I want to be able to respond like that.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: So and that's how I seek stuff out of life is how other people respond to stuff, because I want to be the person that responds with love.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that definitely ties into others checking out your map of how you went about things, how you go about things and mentoring others.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I think that is great.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: So we kind of start from the bottom, the ground floor, digging the foundation, and we're seeking, seeking, seeking.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: As we continue to grow, we're still seeking, but then all of a sudden, people come and they start seeking from us as well, and I think that's gratifying too, where people are, just like you said, they don't want anything out of the conversation, they're just trying to have a conversation and talk about different topics.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: They're not interested in money and what have you, and I think that that's one of the gratifying things that I found of I'm never going to continue or I'm never going to stop seeking help and learning and, like you said, just making life a little easier and how I can respond in a better way.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: But when people start joining or reach out, and even if it's just like one question on LinkedIn or whatever that may be, it makes you feel good.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh okay, I don't have to be some super celebrity to be sharing advice and sharing information, and in fact, I think that what you do is more important than being a celebrity.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I think it is a celebrity and it's all right, and it's a superhuman.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: It's a superpower to be able to help, because these are people, as you know, they're on the brink, a lot of them, and it could go one way or the other.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: A little conversation, just listening that somebody share, whatever that may be, although it might not be the most interesting thing for us, that ear of helping and listening might be just what that person needs, as it's freeing for us, it is freeing for them.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: So how?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Mentoring?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: How does it feel to mentor and have people now seeking and wanting to learn strategies or how you handle things now?
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: It's very gratifying.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: It's actually a true blessing because, um, you know some people, a girl that I have mentored she, um, I actually done her intake five and a half years ago, um, and she is now running an intake department, um, she so, when just watching someone come from the trenches and I'm just a small part in their life, they're the ones doing the work.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I'm just cheering them on.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: But I take it to the next level.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: I bring them in my home.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: We have events, we have thanksgiving, christmas together, uh, our families.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Parenting is really hard for a lot of people in recovery.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: It was very hard for me still is sometimes because there's not a book to that, right.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: So, and so I've just my niche and my mentoring is we work together on a daily basis.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: There's at least a phone call every day.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: Now we make time once a month or once every other month to go on a little adventure together.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we can meet at the park, go out to eat.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: It's very important to me because now they're believing in other people, right?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: So now they're sponsoring other people and mentoring them.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: So it's a blessing to show them the way I guess you could say, but I want them like my main thing is to always show love and compassion, and I've always God has always gave me the ones that, uh, the hardheaded ones, because I guess that was me, um, so it's, it's just a blessing, like, and I get up every morning and I look forward like sometimes I can't wait to get to work, right.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: So this morning I was like man, I'm going to be there a little bit late because I'm doing this show.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: God is just, he uses people like us to help other people, and I think that, and, too, that's a lot of things, the spiritual part.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: There's a spiritual part to this program that you've got to grasp and I just always want, when people look at me, I want them to see a positive light and an encourager and then, because that's how I want them to treat others, so, Excellent.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: So we're coming to the close of our time together.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Do you want to share how people can get in contact with you, learn more about you, what you do?
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: I put my phone number on there.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: I have an email address if you want it.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: It's jessicarenner at lcrecoverycom.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: N E R at LC recoverycom and my phone number is 606-392-9440.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Um, if you have any questions, any comments, or um depressed or struggling with addiction, or just needing somebody to believe in you, um, call me, I will cheer you on.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: Um, if you want to be an astronaut, I will sew you a suit, and I think that's the main thing is it's just believing in people, and sometimes that's all we need is one person.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today, for sticking around for two episodes.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I'm glad we're able to do that.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: There's so much fruitful information and just being so transparent, so thank you for joining us.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and thank you, our listeners, our viewers, for joining us on this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Again, we ask that, if you're able to subscribe, follow us.
• 26:55
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• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Join us and just share their story and to help.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: So until next time, I'm your host, justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, and we hope that you are a voice for you or somebody in need.