Latest / Impact Ready / 185. Mental Fitness

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185. Mental Fitness · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hello team. Welcome to the show.
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  Thank you for being here. I am so excited that we are
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  approaching 200 episodes of the Impact Ready podcast.
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  I appreciate everybody who's been listening who has sent me
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  messages and left for reviews and shared these episodes.
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  And my ask for you as a listener is to just keep doing it, is to
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  spread the message of impact to as many people as you can.
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  If you have a friend you're thinking about when it comes to
• 0:52
  one of these topics. If you have a family member who
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  would like the show, a colleague who would benefit from some sort
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  of conversation that we're having here, please share it.
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  And if you've been listening for a while and you've gotten some
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  value out of it, if you haven't already left a review, would you
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  mind just going into Apple or Spotify and, and leaving a
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  review there and just giving it the five stars so that we can
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  spread the message? And this podcast keeps having
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  ripple effects in the world. That is my ask as we near 200.
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  I will celebrate more when we actually get there, but I've
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  been thinking about it a lot because this is such a practice
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  of discipline for me. Creating a podcast twice a week,
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  I love it. I love creating episodes and
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  thinking about topics to put out into the world.
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  I love having these conversations with you guys and
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  being in conversation over messages about some of this
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  stuff. It's really fun and it makes me
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  think hard about how I want to speak to some of these things
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  that I talk about in coaching conversations privately, but
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  should really be brought into the light of the world.
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  So again, thank you and thank you for leaving reviews and
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  sharing and liking and all that good stuff today.
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  This is an episode that's meant to be both encouraging and a
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  little bit level setting in terms of the expectations that
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  we have about our own self development and our personal
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  growth. Specifically, I'm talking about
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  this idea of cultivating what we would generally call mental
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  fitness. There's so many of us out there
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  in the world who want to show up as the best versions of
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  ourselves in our day-to-day life.
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  There's so many of us who strive to improve our lives.
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  Some people want to be better parents, other people want to be
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  stronger leaders. Or maybe you want to create
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  financial security for yourself and your family, bring a
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  creative project to life that you've been working on for years
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  and years. But one of the commonalities
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  that we have as people is that so many of us dream of being
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  better. We strive to achieve things.
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  In my workshops that I do with teams and companies, I will
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  often ask the question, who here believes they have the potential
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  to do more in their life? And almost everybody in every
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  workshop that I've ever done raises their hand.
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  It is human nature to strive for things, to work at things, to
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  want to become better at things or better personally.
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  But it's also human nature to give up.
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  And so often you'll have somebody who desperately wants
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  to become better in one aspect or another, but they've given up
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  on themselves for one reason or another.
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  And it's a tragedy because people are so much more powerful
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  than they know you are so much more powerful than you know.
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  People have forgotten about their own personal power and the
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  agency that they have in their life.
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  And a big part of coaching is helping people remember that
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  power. It's one of the greatest aspects
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  of the job, really. It's one of the most gratifying
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  moments that you can have is seeing a client light up when
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  they remember that they have the ability to create in their life,
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  that they have choice that they can remember.
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  Oh my God, I am powerful. There's really no greater
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  feeling. I can't help but get really
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  jacked up and start punching the air and doing things like that.
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  When these moments happen because it's like witnessing
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  somebody who's been swimming in deep waters for years and then
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  you get to witness them finally breaking through the surface.
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  It is incredibly gratifying and it has me thinking a lot about
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  why people give up in their lives.
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  I probably have a conversation with one of my colleagues about
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  this very thing at least once a week.
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  Why do people give up on themselves?
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  Why can't they stay the course when they've been able to create
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  a plan for growth? And to be honest, there are so
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  many reasons that I have come up with in talking to my
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  colleagues, but one of the main ones is expectations, Our own
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  personal expectations about what should happen, whether it's
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  within a process or even having the outcome.
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  And this happens all the time when we are working with clients
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  in our Next Level nutrition coaching program.
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  Many clients will come into the program with a weight loss goal.
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  It's very common that people are brought to this curriculum
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  because of that, and that's great, but often the goal they
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  have isn't realistic. So recently we had a client who
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  said I thought that I could come into this program and lose a
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  quick 20 and then move on with my life.
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  And she was, at the time feeling really discouraged because she
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  wasn't seeing that kind of progress.
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  And she wanted to throw in the towel.
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  She wanted to give up. But in deeper conversations with
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  her, it became very clear that her expectation was incorrect
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  because she wasn't accounting for the context of the goal,
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  which in this case was the fact that she was under eating.
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  And that healthy fat loss done right is actually only about 1
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  to 3 lbs per week, and oftentimes less than that.
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  More likely, 1/2 a pound to 1 LB of excess fat per week is a
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  healthy fat loss. We're not just looking at weight
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  loss here. Anything faster would have
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  thrown her hormones off and put her metabolic state into a
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  spiral, which is definitely not what we want.
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  And so we had to adjust her expectations based on the
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  context. And now that she has healthy and
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  appropriate expectations for her goal, she's much more confident
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  and feels much more solid on this path to the goal.
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  And now she's doing the thing she needs to and executing on
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  the plan. That's what we would call
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  success. And this similar situation
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  happens with self development all the time.
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  I have coaching clients who have gone through four months of
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  coaching and they feel frustrated with themselves
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  because they're still having the same thought pattern come up or
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  they're still falling into the same type of saboteur behavior.
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  And they'll say things like, I thought I was going to be
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  further ahead than this by now, or I'm just so frustrated with
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  myself for falling into the same routine.
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  And so again, we're in a situation where we have to level
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  set expectations. Often it looks like saying,
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  well, my friend, you've been dealing with this pattern of
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  thinking for the better part of, oh, I don't know, 3 decades.
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  And so four months in, I would say you're doing a pretty good
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  job at unraveling some of these patterns and so on and so forth.
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  The expectation often needs to shift from A1 and done mindset
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  to more of a mindset of cultivating mental fitness.
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  Now what is mental fitness? Mental fitness is the ability to
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  be mentally tough and resilient and agile in a variety of
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  circumstances. We can think of mental fitness
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  in a similar way that we think about physical fitness.
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  It's something that needs to be built.
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  You wouldn't go to a weekend training camp for strength
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  training and come home saying, honey, I'm fit for life.
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  Like there's just no way you would do that.
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  What you'd probably say is, honey, I'm inspired to get fit
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  for my life. And that would come with a
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  knowing that you would have to train every day or every week.
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  Like you'd have to have a program and a consistency and a
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  commitment to that level of fitness.
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  And most of us have a really solid grasp on the idea that if
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  we want to be strong or fast or flexible, then we have to be
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  consistent in our training to get to those places.
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  We have to put in the work. We would all agree that someone
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  was probably a little crazy to say that they could work out
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  once or twice, or for four months even, and be fit, strong
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  and flexible forever. That's not realistic.
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  And so why don't we apply the same method of thinking to
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  mental fitness? Oftentimes we have the wrong set
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  of expectations. Now, before we go any further,
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  let's describe something because I'm thinking about this from a
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  client perspective. I would be guessing that my
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  client would say, well, what does mental fitness look like?
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  If we were to talk about putting in the reps, what would that
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  practically look like in real life?
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  Let's give a few examples here. Mental fitness would be noticing
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  your energy before you walk into a room and deciding to change it
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  based on the needs of the room. Mental fitness would be noticing
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  your energy before you walk into a room and deciding to change
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  it. It's being able to take feedback
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  without collapsing or getting defensive.
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  It's choosing the long term move when the short term rewards and
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  comfort feel more appealing. It might look like catching
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  yourself mid spiral and saying OK what story am I telling
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  myself right now? It might look like feeling
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  disappointed without turning it into a full on identity crisis.
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  It could look like feeling fear without letting that fear
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  dictate all of your actions. It could be taking ownership
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  when your reaction wasn't ideal, or apologizing instead of blame
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  shifting when you did something hurtful, or being consistent
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  with taking care of your body because you understand that the
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  physical and the mental body are deeply connected.
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  There are so many ways that we can build our own mental
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  fitness, and some of them are going to be a harder practice
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  for you than others. It depends on the person.
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  Some things might feel like a heavier lift, so to speak, but
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  these behaviors are not insurmountable.
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  Each of these things that I just mentioned are attainable.
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  It just takes time and consistency.
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  And that brings us to this idea. We have to shift our frame of
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  thinking. We have to level, set and create
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  more realistic expectations when it comes to change.
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  Every single person is capable of change and growth.
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  That's not the issue. But we conflate these two ideas
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  and it becomes very problematic. We start to believe that if
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  change feels hard, then we're not good at it, and then it's
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  not possible for me. And that's completely erroneous.
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  And yet most people really want to die on that hill.
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  I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with
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  people in my life who say, oh, I'm just wired that way, or that
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  person can't change. That's the way they've been
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  their whole life. Or it's going to take way too
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  much work for me to create new habits in my life.
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  I'm just not good at self development.
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  You're not good at self development.
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  I call bullshit. It's not that people aren't
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  capable, it's that they don't have proper expectations and
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  they haven't built up the mental fitness.
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  We try. We run into roadblocks, we
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  experience friction, things get hard and we give up.
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  That's a pattern. And if this goes on for a long
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  period of time, there's a resignation that sets it.
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  If we don't have proper expectations, we start to think,
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  well, man, I did this thing. I went to this workshop, took a
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  bunch of notes in my journal, put the journal on the shelf.
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  I read this book, I walked on Tony Robbins, Kohl's, and it
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  didn't work. But it's not true.
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  It's just that you only worked out a couple times and then
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  expected to be fit for life. Your expectations are faulty and
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  your mental fitness is low. The reality is if we don't keep
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  working on things, we don't see change and then our brain says,
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  see, it doesn't work, Steph, see, you're not capable of
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  change. And we're all guilty of this.
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  The highest of high performers are guilty of this.
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  Coaches are guilty of this. We aren't the most reliable
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  sources when it comes to truth or reality.
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  Our brains can play tricks on us.
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  It's why they say don't believe everything you think.
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  Our brains are not always reliable sources.
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  And so this is an important conversation because if we can
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  have the awareness to do a little self audit on ourselves
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  sometimes, we then have the ability to call out our faulty
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  expectations more quickly. When we recognize that change or
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  growth or expansion can all happen, but not without putting
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  in the reps, we can then understand what it really means
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  to build up our mental fitness. And I want that for myself.
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  I want that for everybody I know.
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  Because when people are mentally fit, they're more adaptable,
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  they bounce back more quickly, and they seem to be the ones who
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  find the most success and happiness in their lives.
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  And isn't that what we would all like to see?
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  So team, you know what to do here.
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  The challenge is pretty self-explanatory.
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  You're hearing it from me right now, and maybe you can create
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  some awareness for this later down the road.
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  But do a little self audit and ask yourself, what expectations
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  do I have in my life right now? This might be with work, it
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  might be with your marriage. It might be expectations of your
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  kids or your teammates or your colleagues.
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  It might be expectations for your company or your team, but
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  get clear and maybe even get in collaboration with mentors or
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  coaches to see, are my expectations realistic for me
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  right now with the context at hand, this can be a really
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  powerful way to build mental fitness so that you can last for
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  the entire race. And that race is the race of
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  life. It's so important to remember
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  how powerful you are and how capable of change you really can
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  be. So I hope this helps.
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  I hope you can find time to just ask yourself that simple
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  question. What expectations do I have in
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  my life right now? And to be honest about digging
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  out the answers. Because if we can level set our
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  expectations, we can find a lot more endurance along the way.
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  I appreciate you being here and listening.
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  Thank you as always for sending me the messages and sharing
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  these episodes with people. I appreciate all of your energy
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  and your reviews and your shares.
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  It makes a world of difference. So thank you team for being
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  here. And as always, thank you for
• 15:50
  being ready to Impact. Thanks for listening to Impact
• 15:54
  Ready. I hope today's episode inspired
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  you to own your impact and recognize that you are powerful.
• 16:00
  By elevating our energy and awareness, we can create
• 16:03
  exponential change in this life. If you enjoyed today's insights,
• 16:07
  share them with a friend and subscribe to the show for more.
• 16:10
  I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.