Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #605 Holiday Hot Seat - Amy Taylor-Kabbaz

Transcript

#605 Holiday Hot Seat - Amy Taylor-Kabbaz · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just once answers now good day.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy Families
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: dot com dot a you dades six, daughter's husband to
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: one wife, and the parenting expert and co host on
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: chang Lyne's Parental Guidance. Also the host of this podcast,
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: That Could Be Families Podcast. Thank you so much for
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: listening and allowing me into your life to hopefully be
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: useful in making your family happier. Right now, school holidays
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: in Queensland, which means that I'm doing my best to
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: spend as much time in the sunshine with Kylie and
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: the girls as I can. Today's guest is the author
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: of Mumma Rising, a former ABC journalist who now talks
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: about this stage that new mums go through called mattressns.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: It's like adolescents, but mattressens. Amy Taylor Kebaz is going
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: to be part of the Happy Family's Hot Mess Summit.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: We've got Amanda Keller Ian Kerner, the author of She
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Comes First and So tell Me about the last time
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: you had sex to Shefili Savari Oprah's Parenting expert. We've
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: got Jessica Rowe and Amy Taylor Kabaz, among others. In fact,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: there are more and we'll be talking to them during
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Lightning rounds this week. But I'm so excited to have
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Amy Taylor Kabbaz joining me first, not just the Happy
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Family's Hot Mess Summit, which the details can be found
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: for at Happy families dot com. Do you but for
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: a lightning round today on the Happy Families podcast. Amy,
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: thank you for joining me on the podcast. Are you
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: ready for your lightning round?
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I am so ready.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, three kids? How old?
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Fourteen, twelve, and eight?
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Do you have a favorite child?
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: It depends on the day, it really does. Each of
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: them have their own beautiful personalities. But I have to
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: say I have two girls and a boy. And getting
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: that bonus baby boy, he was a surprise, has been
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: a phenomenal joy. The difference between boys and girls. Yeah,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I love having a little boy. Don't tell my girls
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: that is it?
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Dad to six girls? I have no idea what you're
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: talking about. Ideal number of kids?
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  Speaker 1: Oh look, I always said that if I was married
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: to a packer or someone who had endless amounts of money,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I probably I would have at least gone for but
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I live in the inner city of Sydney, so probably
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: two would have been ideal because three is actually really
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: hard to find a house that I can afford.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: How do you rate yourself as a parent?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Ah, very highly. I rate myself nine out of ten.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I've worked very hard on believing in myself as a
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: good mum, and I'm in a good place with that.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: What's something great that your parents did when they were
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: parenting you that you've tried to continue in your parenting.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: My dad is a former police officer, and he always
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: made me feel that whatever I have done, whatever it is,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I can ring him day or night and he would
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: come and pick me up, no questions asked. There was
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: this assumption that everything was always going to be okay,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: and I really wanted that for my kids. Whatever it is,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: whatever they've done, whatever mess they're in, I'm going to
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: be there. I'll ask questions later, but you call me,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: it will be I won't judge you at the time
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: you call me, I'll pick you up. I'll be there.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Amy Taylor Kebatz, author of Mumma Rising. You're not with
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: your husband anymore, but who is the better parent, you
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: or him? I love watching people squirm when I asked
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: this question.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Look, it's me, but I will preface that answer by saying,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: to be fair, you know, we needed to for financial reasons.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: One of us needed to do a lot more of
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: the career building at various points of our life, and
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: so for many of the years when the babies were
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: really little, he was hardly of a home. So I
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: think it's more hands on experience that made me more
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: confident and know what each kid needed and their unique yeah,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: their unique personalities. Then he was able to be there
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: for simply because of our circumstances. So I'll preface my
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: answer by that. And you know what, even if he
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: was listening, he'd agree with that.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: What's the hardest thing about being a parent?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Letting go? Yeah, letting go, especially now as I am
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: watching my two eldest girls enter high school, enter relationships,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: the first boyfriend, all of that, the bullying, the struggles,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: the social media. I just wanted. I was terribly bullied
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: as a teenager, and to not step in, wrap them
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: in cotton wall and move to a deserted island is
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: actually really, really hard.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear you, I've been there. Not to the
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: deserted island. But to the desired to move one. Amy,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: If you could spend an hour with your kids at
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  Speaker 2: any age, what age would you choose?
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  Speaker 1: And why, Oh, that's so interesting, I would say, Now,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I am actually really loving these ages for each of them.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I love the fourteen year old age. I love her
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: interest in the world, her interest in politics, how great
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: our conversations are. I actually think twelve is probably the
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: hardest age, So my middle child would probably bump her
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: age up just a little bit to get me past
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: the current, you know, little challenges we're having, And an
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: eight year old boy is just delicious, right. I also
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: have to say, not for my first, but my second
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: and third. I adored the newborn stage. I absolutely The
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: first was a disaster and I was terrified the whole time.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: But by the time I knew what I was doing,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: sort of. With the second and the third, that fourth
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: trimester bubble of just sitting on the couch and feeding
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: and sleeping for days and days and days, there is
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: something absolutely magical about that time.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you've taken me back there. Okay, what is the
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: ultimate joy? Amy, as a pair of ultimate joy.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Seeing my children be proud of themselves to watch them
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: really find their own unique skills or strengths or resilience
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: overcome something, and that little sparkle in their eyes like
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: hop I did that. I love seeing that.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Here's the most provocative question of the entire lightning round.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: What's the right age for kids to have a mobile phone? Ah?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: All my children have get mobile phones at ten when
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: they go on their first school camp. I will add
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: to justify myself that I am the only one, apparently
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: in the whole high school, according to my eldest, who
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: does not allow them to have phones in their bedroom overnight.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Own on a whole high school.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Apparently, according to my fourteen year old, I am the
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: only parent in year nine in the whole school who
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: doesn't allow phones in bedrooms.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: This is my favorite question. What's that thing that your
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: parents always said that you swore you'd never say, but
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: it keeps popping out of your mouth anyway?
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  Speaker 1: My mom used to when she was overwhelmed. She used
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: to say, I can't stand it, like I couldn't stand
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: it if you do that again. And she would get
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: so frustrated with my sister and I that she would
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: get to the point where she would say, if you guys,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: don't stop doing this. You know, I can't stand it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: It would be about her, It would be about her
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: not being able to cope with anything. And when I
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: was a teenager and a child, I always thought that
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: was a really awful thing to say at that moment,
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  Speaker 1: like this isn't about you, mum, this is about me
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: and my sister. And I just hated how she said that,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: And I say it all the time.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I can't stand it when you say that. Amy can't
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: stand that.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: And if you guys don't stop fighting, I just can't
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: stand it. And I like the words come out of
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: my mouth. And I think that is the one thing
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: that I hated hearing my mom say, and it just
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: unconsciously comes out of my mouth.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my mother is in my larynx. Okay, We've got
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: to just a couple of questions to wrap up this
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: lightning round. What's your kid's favorite thing to do with you?
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Ah, I think they would all say snuggle. We have
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: a great tradition of lying on beds and just cuddling
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: and massaging and hanging out.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: What are you most looking forward to as a parent.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I'm taking all three kids on my own two Fiji
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: for ten days and I cannot wait to just hang
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: out with them by the pool and have that time
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: with no pressure, no school, no homework, no washing.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, living life. If you could go back to you
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: as a young mum having one of those tough moments
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: and being in experienced, having not written or read mummerizing,
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: what advice would you give yourself, Amy, I would.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Say that it's okay you don't know what you're doing.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: It's okay that this feels like you've lost yourself because
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: you have, because who you used to be is no
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: longer here anymore. Don't worry. You'll find her. You'll find
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: a better version of your elf. All of this is
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: going to make so much sense one day.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: That is touching, That is genuinely beautiful. I'm finding myself
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: getting weepy listening to you say that.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah. I think that's why matress sense and
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: the understanding of it was so powerful for me because
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: and it's what I hear every day in my DMS
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: and in my inbox and in coaching calls. Is I
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: wish I had known this, I would have been so
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: much kinder to myself. So that's what I hope.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Last question for our Lightning Round. Amy Taylor Kabbaz biggest
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: win as.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: A mum building really great relationships with my kids, Building
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: a really great connection where they at the moment, they
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: feel like they can tell me anything.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I love these conversations. Amy Taylor Caabaz, the author of
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Mumma Rising. What a delight. Thanks for joining me for
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: a Happy Family's Lightning Round.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Loved it, Thanks Justin.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland for
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and for
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: more information about making your family happier, check out Amy's book,
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Mumma Rising and visit this at Happy families dot com.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Dat you