Latest / The You Project / #2038 What T.F. Is The 'Self' Anyway? - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#2038 What T.F. Is The 'Self' Anyway? - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I'll get a tiff, I'll get a harps again.
0:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's just keep going. Okay, so let's continue the discussion.
0:08
Speaker 2: So tell me what doctor Bill says. You were just
0:11
Speaker 2: saying to me. Doctor Bill says gently gently.
0:13
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, gently gently. Yeah, that's how we talk to ourselves.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was just saying, I've got a head
0:20
Speaker 2: like a busted bumb I was joking that I walk
0:22
Speaker 2: past the mirror and I catch myself. I take my
0:23
Speaker 2: own breath away because I'm so hot, and you laughed
0:25
Speaker 2: and I went, no, I actually think I look like
0:28
Speaker 2: Shrek and I need a use. Gone right, And then
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Speaker 2: you said gently gently you know, you know how, what's
0:36
Speaker 2: the line or what's this? What's that point where positive
0:41
Speaker 2: self talk becomes delusion? You know, it's like you know
0:46
Speaker 2: where you're like, oh yeah, it's like, you know, be all,
0:49
Speaker 2: you can be sure, but at the same time, you
0:53
Speaker 2: know you can't do anything and everything. It's like, well,
0:58
Speaker 2: you can be whatever you want. No, you can't. That's
1:01
Speaker 2: that isn't true. It sounds good and it's positive, but
1:05
Speaker 2: it's kind of delusional because we can't. You know, not
1:08
Speaker 2: everyone can win a Nobel Peace Prize. Not everyone can
1:11
Speaker 2: run one hundred meters in ten seconds. Not everyone can
1:15
Speaker 2: be a famous singer.
1:16
Speaker 1: Not.
1:16
Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of things that Craig Harper
1:19
Speaker 2: can't do. And also in the like when does me
1:25
Speaker 2: pumping up my own tires? My American listeners will be going,
1:29
Speaker 2: what does that mean? But when does me?
1:32
Speaker 1: When do you get a flat tire?
1:35
Speaker 2: When does me pumping up my own tires become me
1:39
Speaker 2: having a fat head? Like what's the what's the balance
1:42
Speaker 2: there between looking after yourself, not beating yourself up, but
1:46
Speaker 2: also going like, okay, you did you fucked that up?
1:51
Speaker 2: You fucked that up. You're the problem or you're not
1:55
Speaker 2: in great shape. Craig like I had to get really
1:57
Speaker 2: brutal with myself quite a few times over the years
2:00
Speaker 2: where I had to go, yeah, the way that you eat,
2:03
Speaker 2: the way that you move or don't move, your lifestyle
2:05
Speaker 2: is a problem, and you're the problem because you're the
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Speaker 2: one making all the decisions and doing all the things.
2:11
Speaker 2: Like what's that space in there?
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Speaker 1: I reckon that It's interesting because I reckon that there's
2:17
Speaker 1: a part that exists inside this theory and between theory
2:23
Speaker 1: and practice of all of the stuff we talk about,
2:26
Speaker 1: Right Yeah, that is that can be unteachable because there's
2:32
Speaker 1: this potential gap. This is kind of your research. I
2:35
Speaker 1: guess there's this gap between our understanding even just language.
2:40
Speaker 1: Like always banging on about that book that Brene Brown
2:44
Speaker 1: wrote that was of the Heart, which dives deep into
2:48
Speaker 1: our language, our vocabulary, and our relationship with the words
2:55
Speaker 1: we use, right, And when you really really burrow down
2:59
Speaker 1: into the meat of words, you realize that a conversation
3:02
Speaker 1: that's being had between two people has a completely different
3:06
Speaker 1: meaning to both of them, like even just around her
3:09
Speaker 1: books based on emotions, your emotional literacy and emotional vocabulary. Yes,
3:14
Speaker 1: we don't know ourselves. So we go into these spaces
3:19
Speaker 1: where we listen to speakers or inspirational people or coaches,
3:24
Speaker 1: and we get coaching and we go I want to
3:26
Speaker 1: be more like this, and then we apply the theory
3:30
Speaker 1: into a practice. But does that theory land with us?
3:33
Speaker 1: And what is our what is the meaning we've made
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Speaker 1: of it? And how aware are we?
3:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just writing something down three languages. I'm going
3:46
Speaker 2: to come back to that. I had a theory when
3:48
Speaker 2: I was having a pooh this morning. I'm going to
3:49
Speaker 2: share it with you all. I'll tell you what, there's
3:51
Speaker 2: a lot of revelation that goes on on the dunny
3:54
Speaker 2: squatty body.
3:55
Speaker 1: Thoughts with Harps. That could be a segment, Yeah.
3:58
Speaker 2: That's right. Thoughts from the crap that could be a podcast.
4:02
Speaker 2: Thoughts from the crapper, what's from Doney? That'd be great,
4:10
Speaker 2: wasn't it. That could be a book, just a little,
4:13
Speaker 2: you know, one hundred little thoughts from the bog.
4:15
Speaker 1: Do you realize how much you light up when you
4:18
Speaker 1: get to mention pooh?
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Speaker 2: It's just I mean, it's just I'm twelve years old,
4:26
Speaker 2: trapped in this fucking dinosaur of a body. I do
4:30
Speaker 2: you know what? I love laughing at silly shit. And
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Speaker 2: I understand that a lot of people don't laugh at what.
4:36
Speaker 2: I get it. I get it. But for me, I think,
4:40
Speaker 2: do you know what? And we'll come back to the
4:41
Speaker 2: conversation we were having. But if I don't laugh quite
4:45
Speaker 2: a few times a day, I've I don't have as
4:48
Speaker 2: good a day. And because I have a lot of
4:51
Speaker 2: hard conversations with people, and you know, right now I'm
4:55
Speaker 2: dealing with some stuff which everyone's heard about too much,
4:58
Speaker 2: you know, a few hard things in the middle of that.
5:01
Speaker 2: There's got to be some fucking swings roundabouts, Like there's
5:04
Speaker 2: got to be a bit of in with the yang,
5:05
Speaker 2: there's got to be some light with the dark. And yeah,
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Speaker 2: I love it. I love talking about silly shit. And
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Speaker 2: I feel sorry for people that get to a time
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Speaker 2: on their journey where it seems like they don't laugh
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Speaker 2: anymore and they don't have fun anymore, and they don't
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Speaker 2: have And I'm not talking about people who are in
5:26
Speaker 2: dire situations. I'm talking about just in general, Like how
5:30
Speaker 2: many people who've got, you know, like their life on
5:35
Speaker 2: a practical level is pretty comfortable. They've got a pretty
5:38
Speaker 2: good job, they've got a pretty good situation at home,
5:40
Speaker 2: and you know, some money, and they're not dying anytime soon,
5:44
Speaker 2: and everyone's kind of okay. But in the middle of
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Speaker 2: all of that, they don't ever seem to laugh or
5:50
Speaker 2: have fun or they don't. Yeah, So I don't know
5:54
Speaker 2: that sounds very judgy. I don't mean to be judgmental.
5:57
Speaker 2: I actually have empty some of the people that I
6:00
Speaker 2: know that their life on a practical level is great,
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Speaker 2: but that don't seem to laugh.
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Speaker 1: So that can almost relate to what we were talking
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Speaker 1: about before. By the standpoint of all of the focus
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Speaker 1: that we put on on the ways and practices and
6:16
Speaker 1: rituals of making our lives better, and in the middle
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Speaker 1: of that, we're not actually living the life. We're not
6:22
Speaker 1: in the middle of it. When I was at the airport,
6:24
Speaker 1: the baggage lady comes up. She's helping me. She takes
6:27
Speaker 1: me over to where I should be when I was
6:28
Speaker 1: at the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, and out
6:31
Speaker 1: of nowhere, she goes, I help, I'll do it for
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Speaker 1: you because you're nice. And I hadn't gone out of
6:36
Speaker 1: my way. I wasn't being nice. I just wasn't being
6:39
Speaker 1: an asshole. And I laughed and I said, well, people
6:43
Speaker 1: very nice. She goes, no, especially not a jet Star,
6:45
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, if you don't like jet stay,
6:48
Speaker 1: you probably shouldn't fly a jet Star. She gives me
6:50
Speaker 1: a big high five, and then I get on the
6:53
Speaker 1: flight and the captain or whoever does the voiceover was
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Speaker 1: like a comedy skit. He was so funny, and I'm cacking.
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Speaker 1: I'm laughing out loud in front of the whole plane,
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Speaker 1: and I just thought, what a joy. I will fly
7:08
Speaker 1: Jet Start every time if this is what happens. It's
7:11
Speaker 1: so funny. Not everyone's laughing that most people are going
7:15
Speaker 1: on holidays. Why you're not happy? Bro?
7:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't you love being in the middle of energy?
7:22
Speaker 2: That's good, like whether or not it's in a shop
7:24
Speaker 2: or on a plane or in a fucking what about.
7:26
Speaker 2: I spend a lot of time when I'm traveling in elevators.
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Speaker 2: They're good, They're not awkward at all. They're not that's
7:32
Speaker 2: not I just go and it sometimes is like fucking
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Speaker 2: ten people in an elevator literally touching each other, pretending
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Speaker 2: that no one else is there. I don't know what
7:45
Speaker 2: we're meant to do. I know there's no set protocol,
7:48
Speaker 2: but fucking hell, it's an interesting sociological phenomenon, is just
7:53
Speaker 2: watching all of these people try not to talk or
7:56
Speaker 2: fart or fucking interact or yeah, it's such a weird.
8:01
Speaker 2: Let's put these people in a box and then shuttle
8:05
Speaker 2: them up ten stories while they ignore each other and
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Speaker 2: don't talk. But back to our conversation, right, So I
8:15
Speaker 2: am serious about this, like we seem to be in
8:20
Speaker 2: a time where we're very very much encouraged to, you know,
8:25
Speaker 2: do some self care. I need to be careful. I
8:27
Speaker 2: don't be condescending. I don't mean to be right. I think,
8:31
Speaker 2: you know, we need to look after ourselves, but not
8:34
Speaker 2: not all looking after yourself needs to be comfortable or pampering.
8:40
Speaker 2: Sometimes looking up after yourself is doing a workout that's
8:43
Speaker 2: fucking horrible. Sometimes that's looking after yourself. Like we seem
8:48
Speaker 2: to associate looking after yourself with doing something that's easy
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Speaker 2: or comfortable or relaxing, whereas I go, yeah, maybe I
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Speaker 2: definitely think that should be part of it. But I
9:02
Speaker 2: think looking after you is also making hard decisions and
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Speaker 2: doing hard things and creating good outcomes that will serve
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Speaker 2: you moving forward. Not so much Oh this is going
9:14
Speaker 2: to make me feel good in the moment. No, it
9:17
Speaker 2: might make you feel shit in the moment. Like self
9:21
Speaker 2: care doesn't need to be about immediate return. Maybe self care,
9:26
Speaker 2: maybe you looking after you is about the decisions and
9:29
Speaker 2: behaviors in the short term to create something fucking spectacular
9:34
Speaker 2: that you can inhabit over the long term. That's self care.
9:38
Speaker 2: Like when people think I'm quite brutal sometimes and I'm
9:45
Speaker 2: quite brutal on myself, and I think, okay, so I
9:51
Speaker 2: don't do a lot of things that a lot of
9:53
Speaker 2: sixty year old Australian blokes do. And that doesn't make
9:56
Speaker 2: me better or worse. There's just you know, like I've
9:58
Speaker 2: never had it alcohol, that's weird. I've never been married,
10:02
Speaker 2: that's weird. I'm not saying that's good or bad. I've
10:04
Speaker 2: never had a recreational drug or cigarette, you know, all
10:09
Speaker 2: of these things. And I've probably missed ten days of
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Speaker 2: training in the last fifty years or forty seven years, right,
10:18
Speaker 2: And that's not say ant I great. I'm just that's
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Speaker 2: just saying, well, these are the things that work for me.
10:23
Speaker 2: But I think all of doing things that are good
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Speaker 2: for you and avoiding things that are bad for you,
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Speaker 2: that's self care. Like putting yourself through an arduous, painful
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Speaker 2: process that does a good thing for you. That's that
10:39
Speaker 2: can be self care, right, Yeah.
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Speaker 1: But it's it's the same things for different people can
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Speaker 1: be like it's the one the intention behind it, and
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Speaker 1: two it's that space of our unconscious programming. Like I
10:55
Speaker 1: guess I was just reflecting as you were talking. And
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Speaker 1: when when doctor Bill is pull out there gently gently
11:01
Speaker 1: quite often, and it's often in response to we'll be
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Speaker 1: discussing a reflection or a pattern, and patterns are often
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Speaker 1: things that have been programmed, programmed the years and years
11:14
Speaker 1: and years that happen unconsciously. They're unconscious behaviors that we're
11:19
Speaker 1: getting insight into and so taking conscious belittling ourselves and
11:28
Speaker 1: beating ourselves up for this unconscious program thing that we're
11:31
Speaker 1: still yet to really understand when, why, and how it
11:36
Speaker 1: happens is probably not helpful.
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Speaker 2: Well, one, I agree with you. I concur your honor.
11:45
Speaker 2: I concur with you, and doctor Bill. Okay, so I'm
11:49
Speaker 2: a useless fuck with. Well that's not helpful. But I
11:53
Speaker 2: made a stupid decision this morning and I was a
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Speaker 2: fuck with for five minutes. And I can do better,
11:59
Speaker 2: think to create better. But I'm not globally a fuck with.
12:04
Speaker 2: But sometimes I indulge in fuck witty, which, of course
12:08
Speaker 2: is a noun. Yeah, fu is a describing word. It's
12:12
Speaker 2: an magic kid. Fuck witting is the verb are you welcome? Everyone?
12:18
Speaker 1: Everybody?
12:21
Speaker 2: There'll be a test at the end. But I think, look,
12:26
Speaker 2: I agree like call, you know, calling yourself useless and
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Speaker 2: this and that I've never been. Of course, that's destructive,
12:33
Speaker 2: that's unhealthy, that's toxic, that's no good for you. We
12:37
Speaker 2: get that, we get that, But there's also, you know
12:41
Speaker 2: you can recognize You can recognize your own mistakes and
12:47
Speaker 2: shortcomings and flaws without hating yourself. I could list ten
12:53
Speaker 2: things that I need to do better and ten mistakes
12:57
Speaker 2: that I've made in the last week, probably, But in
13:00
Speaker 2: the middle of that, I don't hate myself. Yeah, I
13:04
Speaker 2: don't hate myself. But do I acknowledge my flaws and
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Speaker 2: my insecurity and my bullshit as I have one million
13:11
Speaker 2: times on this show, Yeah, I sure do. Why not
13:14
Speaker 2: because I'm broken or shit, but because I'm human, And
13:19
Speaker 2: that's just part of being a human. Like show me
13:23
Speaker 2: one person who listens to this show, who isn't an
13:26
Speaker 2: idiot at some stage, who doesn't do dumb things, who
13:29
Speaker 2: doesn't make mistakes, who never ever has an emotional outburst,
13:33
Speaker 2: who is perfect, and who you know that person doesn't exist.
13:37
Speaker 2: So that's all of us. So the question is not
13:40
Speaker 2: are we a bit brilliant and a bit broken? The
13:42
Speaker 2: answer is probably, yeah, We're all a bit of that,
13:44
Speaker 2: at least at times. The question is what do I
13:49
Speaker 2: need to get better at and what am I doing
13:52
Speaker 2: to get better at that? What do I need to
13:54
Speaker 2: acknowledge and what am I aware of? Which is vastly
13:59
Speaker 2: different from hating myself about you know, it's like that.
14:05
Speaker 2: You know, like I think I told you A lady
14:06
Speaker 2: said to me once early days and the U Project
14:09
Speaker 2: sent me a message and said, are you sometimes you
14:12
Speaker 2: talk over guests And my immediate was response was fuck you, right,
14:19
Speaker 2: like that's my ego, though, that's my ego. And then
14:23
Speaker 2: twelve seconds later when I went, well, that's my ego
14:26
Speaker 2: and let me let me just turn down that very human, inappropriate,
14:33
Speaker 2: flawed response and let me listen to an episode because
14:37
Speaker 2: I never did, and she was exactly right, and I
14:40
Speaker 2: was one hundred pcent wrong, And you know, am I
14:43
Speaker 2: perfect at that now? Definitely not? But you just go, oh,
14:47
Speaker 2: like this is the and I'll shut up after this.
14:50
Speaker 2: This is the thing. It's like we say we like feedback,
14:53
Speaker 2: we fucking don't. We like praise, we like endorsement, we
14:58
Speaker 2: like accolades. You tell somebody something that is or you
15:03
Speaker 2: highlight a and with good intentions. I mean, I'm not
15:07
Speaker 2: talking about picking on somebody, but if you bring to
15:11
Speaker 2: someone's attention a a not very positive kind of trait
15:19
Speaker 2: or characteristic, it's a rare person that's genuinely happy have
15:23
Speaker 2: done that. M M.
15:27
Speaker 1: What do you think about though, our ability to really
15:32
Speaker 1: understand our relationship with self on it? Like really, so,
15:41
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of a particular quite a while ago, a
15:45
Speaker 1: particular session I had with old mate doctor Bill. Let's
15:47
Speaker 1: just open the door wide on my therapy. But I
15:52
Speaker 1: have this conversation with him, and he was talking about
15:54
Speaker 1: the idea of psychotherapy and you know, his philosophy around
15:57
Speaker 1: the first you know, the first law of psycho therapy
16:00
Speaker 1: is you believe what you hear yourself say, you know,
16:03
Speaker 1: like this this relationship with hearing what you say, so
16:06
Speaker 1: talking and we're doing this session and I'm picturing little Tiff,
16:10
Speaker 1: you know whatever, five six seven year old Tiff sitting
16:13
Speaker 1: on a chair in the corner doing that weird thing,
16:15
Speaker 1: you know, like have a look at her, look at her,
16:17
Speaker 1: look at her, and you know it is it her fault.
16:21
Speaker 1: And obviously obviously I'm I'm like, I know what we're
16:27
Speaker 1: referring to is not her fault. But this, as I
16:31
Speaker 1: went to answer, this feeling shot through my whole body
16:38
Speaker 1: and I went, oh shit, Bill, I just get what
16:43
Speaker 1: you mean. I just in that moment, I realized that
16:48
Speaker 1: there's a part of me that thinks it's her fault
16:50
Speaker 1: because I can't say it, and it wasn't until I
16:52
Speaker 1: went to say it. So there's this part of me
16:55
Speaker 1: that there's this logic that goes, of course, not she's
16:57
Speaker 1: she's a kid.
16:58
Speaker 2: Course not.
16:59
Speaker 1: Of course it's not her fault. And if it's anyone
17:02
Speaker 1: else that has the same experience as her, I empathize
17:05
Speaker 1: fully with them. But in this moment where I went
17:08
Speaker 1: to voice that, I couldn't because there was a part
17:10
Speaker 1: of me going, yep, shame on her. And so I
17:15
Speaker 1: don't know if we we understand that relationship with ourselves.
17:19
Speaker 1: A lot of people can't stand in front of the
17:21
Speaker 1: mirror and look themselves in the eye and say I
17:23
Speaker 1: love you. I cannot do it. Some people can't, some
17:26
Speaker 1: people trained at the gym, they cannot look in the
17:28
Speaker 1: mirror at all. They're like, I don't want to, don't
17:31
Speaker 1: make me stand in front of the mirror.
17:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, the I mean trying to understand yourself. Like Socrates
17:39
Speaker 2: said this two and a half thousand years ago, right
17:42
Speaker 2: to understand thyself, right understanding thyself. So this is this
17:48
Speaker 2: predates me, and you know by twenty years two and
17:51
Speaker 2: a half thousand years ago, right, So does joke tip
17:57
Speaker 2: two and a half thousand. That's all right, cut that out.
17:59
Speaker 1: Still doing I'm still still on the maths.
18:01
Speaker 2: Bro leave it in. But I mean, you think about it.
18:05
Speaker 2: So the Stoics, we're talking about these concepts literally before Jesus, right,
18:10
Speaker 2: five hundred two, three, four hundred years before Jesus arrived
18:14
Speaker 2: on the scene. And the Gang, the Twelve, the Boys,
18:19
Speaker 2: the lad just big a, the Big Apostles hanging her
18:24
Speaker 2: out in Jerusalem anyway and surrounds. But like this, this
18:31
Speaker 2: two and a half thousand plus year old question of
18:33
Speaker 2: who the fuck am I? That's what psychology explores. That's
18:38
Speaker 2: why philosophy explores, That's what theology explores. That's what stoicism explores.
18:45
Speaker 2: And I think that it's like the eternal question, it's
18:51
Speaker 2: the perpetual question. But I think the thing is to
18:57
Speaker 2: understand that that I'm I'm one thing, but I'm many things.
19:03
Speaker 2: So the is a single singular noun, right, the like
19:09
Speaker 2: to understand the self. Well, I'm not a mind or
19:12
Speaker 2: a brain, or a body or a spirit or an
19:16
Speaker 2: emotional system or my experiences. I'm not the sum total
19:21
Speaker 2: of my knowledge or talent or cells or like I'm
19:25
Speaker 2: all of it. I am this fucking convergence of psychology
19:30
Speaker 2: and emotion and spirituality and physiology and anatomy and experiences
19:36
Speaker 2: and light and darkness and energy. And yeah, I don't
19:40
Speaker 2: know that we ever understand the totality of ourselves. But
19:43
Speaker 2: I think that the way that psychology has dealt with this,
19:48
Speaker 2: in part is through things like metacognition, the well worn
19:55
Speaker 2: conversational path on this show of metacognition, which is where
19:59
Speaker 2: we genuinely try to understand how our mind works, Like
20:03
Speaker 2: why do I think like this? Why do I? And
20:07
Speaker 2: you know the self as an experience, you know, me,
20:11
Speaker 2: experiencing me, me, understanding me is going to be way
20:16
Speaker 2: different to the self that Tiff knows because I can
20:19
Speaker 2: never have you know, ergo in my research, what what
20:23
Speaker 2: do I think it's like being me? What do I
20:25
Speaker 2: think Tiff? How do I think Tiff sees me? And
20:28
Speaker 2: then how does Tiff see me? This is why this
20:32
Speaker 2: research that I've done for six years and these questions
20:34
Speaker 2: to me are like not only important, but really fascinating.
20:40
Speaker 2: And I think, yeah, I think on a simple level,
20:44
Speaker 2: on a sociological level, we are the byproduct of our
20:48
Speaker 2: experiences and our interactions and our friends and our family,
20:51
Speaker 2: and our church and our synagogue, and our school, and
20:54
Speaker 2: our teachers and our buddies and our cohort and our colleagues,
20:58
Speaker 2: and all of the social and interpersonal interactions that came
21:02
Speaker 2: out of all of those people. You know, what music
21:05
Speaker 2: did I listen to? What TV shows did I watch?
21:07
Speaker 2: What movies did I love? What? You know? And I
21:10
Speaker 2: become all of that or a version of all of that.
21:13
Speaker 2: And that's probably you know, research says, who the fuck
21:17
Speaker 2: knows whether research is lying, But maybe twenty percent of
21:21
Speaker 2: who you are and how you are is genetic and
21:24
Speaker 2: the rest is just all of those those myriad of
21:28
Speaker 2: variables that you've bumped into over your journey.
21:31
Speaker 1: How's this for interesting? Yesterday had a conversation with someone
21:34
Speaker 1: former athlete hit by a truck, died, had an experience
21:40
Speaker 1: of being in what they call the in between, saw
21:44
Speaker 1: their body in the theater broken, chose said, made the
21:49
Speaker 1: choice to go back into it and live that life
21:52
Speaker 1: knowing that body was broken. But then later in the conversation,
21:57
Speaker 1: had all of this shame about the body, right, this
22:02
Speaker 1: so ashamed of the body, And so we were talking
22:05
Speaker 1: about this identity with so you've made it so you
22:08
Speaker 1: know through experience in your life that you are not
22:12
Speaker 1: your body. You are separate because you sat over the top,
22:15
Speaker 1: saw the vehicle and chose to go get back in
22:18
Speaker 1: that vehicle and finish your time here in this life.
22:22
Speaker 1: But yet that time in this life, you are harboring
22:26
Speaker 1: shame for yourself, which is shame for the body. And
22:32
Speaker 1: I thought that was really interesting.
22:35
Speaker 2: That is so interesting. Well, also think about the culture
22:42
Speaker 2: that we live in. And when I say things everyone,
22:44
Speaker 2: I'm generalizing, so I know this is not everyone and
22:47
Speaker 2: every person, so but we very much live in a
22:51
Speaker 2: time when, especially in social media, what you look like matters. Yeah,
22:57
Speaker 2: you know people will say, oh, it doesn't matter. Really
22:59
Speaker 2: have you have you actually have you been out into
23:02
Speaker 2: the world, like do you know how things work? And
23:06
Speaker 2: so you know, if you're pretty or handsome, or young
23:11
Speaker 2: or gorgeous or or middle aged and gorgeous or whatever, right,
23:15
Speaker 2: but if you are physically attracted and you don't think
23:20
Speaker 2: that has any social cachet or any social leverage or
23:24
Speaker 2: advantage while you've been living under a rock, right, you
23:29
Speaker 2: know what was funny And I'm I've never been and
23:34
Speaker 2: I mean this sincerely and I'm not fishing. But because
23:36
Speaker 2: I've never been like a handsome you know, when I
23:39
Speaker 2: was young, I was in pretty good shape. That's about it, right,
23:41
Speaker 2: But I've never been oh fuck and how good looking.
23:44
Speaker 2: I've never been that guy. So I'm very comfortable with
23:46
Speaker 2: being a Shrek. But what was funny was the other
23:52
Speaker 2: day I had dinner. I was in don mcgig in Queensland,
23:58
Speaker 2: and I had dinner with doctor Alex and monisters who
24:02
Speaker 2: don't know Alex is forty is literally a brain surgeon.
24:06
Speaker 2: He's a brain surgeon. He's forty forty two. He looks thirty.
24:10
Speaker 2: He's six foot three, he could be literally a fucking
24:14
Speaker 2: international model. He's a great guy. He's a really good human.
24:18
Speaker 2: He'll hate me saying all of this, but and his
24:20
Speaker 2: wife is equally a stunning which is ridiculous, Like they're
24:23
Speaker 2: going to have the most fucking gorgeous children ever created.
24:28
Speaker 2: But anyway, if they choose to go that path anyway,
24:33
Speaker 2: So Alex is like, can we get a selfie? Mike? Ah?
24:39
Speaker 2: Can we put a bag on your head? You know?
24:42
Speaker 2: Can we can I stand on a check and I
24:45
Speaker 2: don't know, can we use all the filters? Fuck? Anyway.
24:49
Speaker 2: So I'm reluctantly like, yeah, great, let's get a selfie
24:53
Speaker 2: fucking Shrek and you know, Captain Hollywood anyway, So we
24:58
Speaker 2: take this picture, put up the PI and I'm only
25:01
Speaker 2: fucking around. But it was good, it was good, catch
25:03
Speaker 2: up with him, and blah blah blah blah blah. And
25:05
Speaker 2: then I must have been asked by twenty people is
25:09
Speaker 2: he single? Is he single? I mean twenty women, of course,
25:14
Speaker 2: like not one person, which I completely understand when hey, harps,
25:19
Speaker 2: you look good. Not one And so you'd like, you're
25:24
Speaker 2: standing next to this really attractive human who happens to
25:29
Speaker 2: be a dude, and you just go, oh, yeah, this
25:32
Speaker 2: is and that. By the way, I'm not all offended.
25:35
Speaker 2: I'm not all bothered. I would one hundred percent expect
25:38
Speaker 2: that because he is fucking really handsome. I get it.
25:44
Speaker 2: But what is funny? It's like, oh, yeah, that's that's
25:47
Speaker 2: what Matt. Like. The only question that I was asked
25:50
Speaker 2: about him was not oh, where does he do neurosurgery?
25:53
Speaker 2: Where is he? Or you know, does he It was
25:56
Speaker 2: all about he's hot? Is he single? I'm like, yep,
26:00
Speaker 2: that's how the world works.
26:02
Speaker 1: It's interesting and it's been commercialized and it's been enhanced
26:06
Speaker 1: I think by the world we live in, right, we've
26:08
Speaker 1: been primed for it. But it exists because we're biologically
26:13
Speaker 1: hardwired to respond to those things. Like everything about what
26:19
Speaker 1: typically is attractive in women and why they end up
26:24
Speaker 1: getting fillers and lip fillers and things is enhancing the
26:28
Speaker 1: areas that make us respond that show health or reproductive health,
26:35
Speaker 1: or things that attract us from a biological unconscious level.
26:40
Speaker 1: So it's kind of it's like, it's not.
26:44
Speaker 2: Hey, preaching to the choir bro. I mean, yeah, Like
26:48
Speaker 2: here's the dichotomy. On the one hand, we have people
26:52
Speaker 2: which is well meaning and well intended, going, you know what,
26:55
Speaker 2: everyone's beautiful, doesn't matter what your way, it doesn't matter
26:58
Speaker 2: what you look like, doesn't matter what you're cool, you know,
27:01
Speaker 2: like preach high five. However, However, if you're gorgeous, it
27:11
Speaker 2: doesn't mean life's going to be easy. But if you're gorgeous,
27:15
Speaker 2: you're certainly going to have some advantages. Yeah, like hands down.
27:20
Speaker 1: So I would say I would assume perhaps for men
27:24
Speaker 1: it's the same. When women have an attraction to a
27:28
Speaker 1: man that is big and strong or that is successful, right,
27:34
Speaker 1: people think that it's just gold digging. But maybe there
27:37
Speaker 1: is something about oh, this recognition of their ability to provide.
27:42
Speaker 1: Maybe it's that some of it's that simple it.
27:46
Speaker 2: Is And that's the thing is it seems like in
27:48
Speaker 2: twenty twenty five, these things that are driven.
27:53
Speaker 1: By more.
27:56
Speaker 2: Almost evolutionary drives, Right, I want to be safe, I
27:59
Speaker 2: want to be with someone strong, or I want to
28:01
Speaker 2: be with someone that can provide kids or like these
28:05
Speaker 2: are these have been developed over hundreds of thousands of years,
28:09
Speaker 2: and we forget that we're just fucking highly evolved animals.
28:14
Speaker 2: Like we think we're so fucking spectacular. No, we're just
28:18
Speaker 2: fucking primates who can string some words together. We are, yeah,
28:23
Speaker 2: you know, ten minutes ago we're all fucking Neanderthals and
28:27
Speaker 2: now we're all like in fucking BMW's and wearing fucking
28:31
Speaker 2: fancy nail polish and fucking talk about my nails. But
28:37
Speaker 2: the thing is that and it's like you if there's
28:42
Speaker 2: like if a guy's attracted to a girl, well that
28:45
Speaker 2: is a biological response, like this is this is just
28:49
Speaker 2: what's he's not trying to be a prick. Now what
28:52
Speaker 2: he does with that attraction, well that's up to him.
28:54
Speaker 2: If he behaves like a dickhead, that's not okay. He
28:57
Speaker 2: says something inappropriate, that's not okay, But that innate attraction. Well,
29:02
Speaker 2: just like if there's a guy who likes guys and
29:06
Speaker 2: he's so he's homosexual and he's attracted to a man,
29:09
Speaker 2: it just is what it is. Like he's not going, ah,
29:12
Speaker 2: you know what, I think I'll be gay. No, he's
29:15
Speaker 2: just gay and that's cool. It's like I'm you know,
29:18
Speaker 2: you go, well, I'm I'm heterosexual. Right. That wasn't a choice,
29:23
Speaker 2: That's just how I'm wired. Just like if I bite
29:26
Speaker 2: into an onion, it tastes fucking disgusting. If I eat asparagus,
29:30
Speaker 2: to me, tastes like piss. Right, But there is I mean,
29:35
Speaker 2: there are certain things. I was going to say, something
29:39
Speaker 2: so terrible that I got to asparagus. I was about
29:42
Speaker 2: to say cock, and I did a left turn, not
29:45
Speaker 2: knowing what cock tastes like, and I went with sparagus.
29:49
Speaker 2: Will you say that? But yeah, well I do say that?
29:53
Speaker 2: But okay, it was I mean, I'd had.
29:54
Speaker 1: One bed and hang out with Alix, so.
30:00
Speaker 2: What do I know? Sure? But I mean it was
30:04
Speaker 2: one Saturday night in Brisbane everyone's so pedantic. No, I've
30:10
Speaker 2: never been there. That's all right for those people who have,
30:13
Speaker 2: well done you. But I see now you've fucking thrown me.
30:18
Speaker 2: Do you know what? This is the only bit of
30:20
Speaker 2: the podcast some people are going to like, it's my favorite,
30:25
Speaker 2: all that wisdom and all that talk of psychology and philosophy.
30:28
Speaker 2: They're going to go, oh, what about where you Nelly
30:30
Speaker 2: said that? And that's what they'll talk about. That's the
30:34
Speaker 2: fucking that's the low bar that we'veset. That's people. Just listen.
30:42
Speaker 2: People fast forward through the fucking commentary on the human
30:45
Speaker 2: experience to get to the dick jokes. It's I don't
30:51
Speaker 2: know if to be proud or ashamed. I'm a bit
30:53
Speaker 2: of both. I want to tap myself on the back
30:56
Speaker 2: and punch myself in the face. I'm not sure. I'm
30:59
Speaker 2: conflicted anyway.
31:04
Speaker 3: Oh god, oh god, I don't know. I don't even
31:07
Speaker 3: know what we're talking about. What were we talking about?
31:10
Speaker 3: I'm totally lost. This is not a podcast, is a
31:13
Speaker 3: fucking this is a recorded shambles.
31:15
Speaker 2: This is what this is. I blame you. I blame
31:20
Speaker 2: you for fucking derailing me. See way too much fun.
31:24
Speaker 2: This is the problem.
31:25
Speaker 1: You've got throne that I kind of believe that Queens
31:29
Speaker 1: Lanchon Anigans might have happened.
31:32
Speaker 2: Well, he's very attractive. I will say that he's very handsome.
31:37
Speaker 2: I didn't go unnoticed by men. No, there was no Shenanigan's.
31:46
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm tarnishing his reputation. He is married
31:52
Speaker 2: to somebody way more attractive than the host of this show.
31:58
Speaker 2: And no, we just date tye food together and the
32:03
Speaker 2: bonding ended there. You never know, never know many of
32:10
Speaker 2: time stop it if I don't know, let's just end.
32:14
Speaker 2: I feel like we started. We started strong and then
32:19
Speaker 2: did like a pooh five meters before the finish line. Suck.
32:25
Speaker 2: It's like I just shut my pants. Sorry everyone, Sorry
32:34
Speaker 2: just a bit. This did a big virtual pooh just
32:36
Speaker 2: before the end of the show from laughing. Oh, well, anyway,
32:44
Speaker 2: you didn't shoot yourself. I did, all right, everyone. I
32:46
Speaker 2: don't know what to make of this. If you never
32:49
Speaker 2: come back, if you never tune in again, I did
32:52
Speaker 2: not blame you. It's been a good run. It's been
32:55
Speaker 2: a good run. May see you again or not. Thanks
33:00
Speaker 2: to Thank you.