Latest / Chapel Talks / God’s Show Home: Sexual Purity, Grace, and the Gospel | Ephesians 5:1-25 | Jago Wynne

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God’s Show Home: Sexual Purity, Grace, and the Gospel | Ephesians 5:1-25 | Jago Wynne · Chapel Talks

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Shall we pray? Verse one said, follow God's example,
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therefore, as dearly loved children and live
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a life of love. Lord God, we thank you that we
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are your dearly loved children. And would you
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teach us what it is to follow your example in
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each of our lives? And so we open ourselves now
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to sit under your word and to let your spirit
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work in us. And so, Lord, we pray, come and transform
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each one of us for your glory. And we pray this
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in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Well, it's really,
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really great to be with you. It's a real treat
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and an honour to be invited in to be here. The
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picture I'd love you just to sort of start to
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have in your minds at the start is just a picture,
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a sort of show home. I live near... Battersea
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Power Station. And I don't know if you've been
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to Battersea Power Station, but it's been amazingly
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redone a few years ago. And there's loads of
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luxury sort of flats all around Battersea Power
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Station. And what they did to, when they were
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doing the whole redevelopment, what they did
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to sell all these flats, these luxury flats,
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was they, before any of them being actually properly
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made, they made one show home. They made one
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sort of show flat. And they basically made this
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one show flat so they could then sort of say,
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look, this is what it's going to look like. Isn't
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it amazing? Look at this. You want to buy this
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whilst the rest of the site was still a complete
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sort of bombsite and rubble everywhere. And in
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a sense, what God is doing is saying the church
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is my show home. The church is my show flat.
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The church is my pilot scheme for what I am doing
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in the whole universe, which I long to grow and
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grow through time. The church is the place where
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God is declaring to all the world what God is
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doing in the world. And that is a big claim,
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I know. You know, for me as a Church of England
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minister, it's a bit depressing when I sort of
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look at the state of the Church of England. The
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Church of England doesn't look much like that
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sort of show home. But the idea of Ephesians
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is Paul is saying people should look at us, the
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church, and say, I want some of that. And it's
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why, as I'm sure you know, as you get to the
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end of the first half of the letter of Ephesians,
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Paul famously prays, now to him who is able to
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do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine
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according to his power that is at work within
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us, to him be glory, where? In the church and
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in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever
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and ever. It's a prayer that we, the church,
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are a demonstration of the glory of God to the
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world around us. We, the church, are to be that
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show home. And really the second half of Ephesians
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is the application of that, is for the church
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to live up to that vision. And in chapter 5 that
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we're looking at now, the sort of main thing
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is it's in reference to sexual purity and to
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marriage. Now, it'd be easy for me to use this
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time in Ephesians 5 to point the finger. I'm
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part of the alliance. Let's get on our high horse
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and critique those with a revisionist theology
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mindset and lifestyle in terms of sex and marriage.
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But I want us to just apply it to ourselves.
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Let's not be pointing the finger now so much
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as to apply Ephesians 5 to ourselves. How does
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it apply to us? How does it challenge each one
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of us? So picture the scene, if you would. This
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took place quite a while ago. It was before I'd
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even met Susanna. I was living in Clapham, but
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I was working as a management consultant. And
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I was staying at this swanky hotel for a week
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with about 20 other people in the company. Unlike
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now, the economy was good. Business was good.
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The hotel bar was open. The drinks were free.
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The drinks were flowing. Everybody was getting
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drunk, everyone except me. Now, I was tempted
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to get drunk, very tempted to fit in. It would
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have been fun, I thought. But after a couple
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of hours of chatting to drunk people who worked
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with me, I went off to bed in my hotel, in my
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room in the hotel, and I reflected. And I thought,
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living for Jesus, it's a little bit boring. Still,
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my hotel room was pretty good. The bed was so
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big, it was wider than it was long, and I decided
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to have a quick sort of time praying and reading
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the Bible before I went to bed. I failed to do
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that so far that day. So there I was, you can
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picture it, an angelic picture if I must say
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so. I was in my pajamas, 11 p .m. at night, reading
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my Bible, angelic, when suddenly there was a
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knock on the door. And in came a rather attractive
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colleague. And she sprawled herself across my
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bed, the one that was wider than it was long.
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Now, I was tempted to take her up on her advances,
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very tempted. But I didn't. It would have been
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fun, I thought. But after encouraging her to
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head off to her own room, I sat back in my bed
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and reflected. Living for Jesus, I thought, it's
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a little bit boring. Today, in a sense, I want
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to answer two questions connected to that little
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incident in my early 20s. First, was I right
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to be bothered about sexual purity? And second,
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if I was right that sexual purity is important
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for the Christian, is there a good reason for
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that? Why is it important? So if you like, we're
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thinking about the what and the why of sexual
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purity. So first of all, sexual purity, the what.
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I think it's best summarized in verses three
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and four. If you look at verses three and four,
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have a look at verse three first. Verse three,
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Paul says, but among you, there must not be even
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a hint of sexual immorality. Now that's the porneia
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word, which when you look, I'm sure you know
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it all the times that it's used in the New Testament.
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You can see clearly what it means. It's referring
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to any sexual activity outside of lifelong exclusive
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marriage between a man and a woman, whether extramarital
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or premarital. But just look at how verse 3 continues.
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It says, but among you there must not be even
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a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of
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impurity or of greed because these are improper
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for God's holy people. So if sexual immorality,
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the porneia word, is more about our actions,
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our sexual activity outside of marriage, then
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impurity and greed are about our thinking sexually,
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about our thoughts. rather than our actions.
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Even that greed word, it's likely that it's referring
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to greed in a sort of sexual context. In other
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words, a sort of greedy desire that we might
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have in our thoughts to have more of somebody's
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body for selfish sexual gratification. That could
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include a whole host of things. Lustful feelings,
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lustful glances, the desire for porn. And so
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we move from impure actions in the first half
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of verse 3 to impure thoughts in the second half
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of verse 3, and then we move to impure words
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in verse 4. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish
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talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place,
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but rather thanksgiving. So here, if you like,
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is the what of sexual purity. It includes our
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actions, our thoughts, and our words. And it
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all flows from an understanding sex is good.
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Sex is so good, so precious, that it's only to
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take place in the context of an emotional engagement
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and commitment of a marriage between a husband
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and wife. And here's what we may need to remember,
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I think. Too often, I think, in Christian circles
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particularly, too often the view is, get married,
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you're able to have sex, and all your problems
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of being sexually impure evaporate. I think that's
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so often what we think. I don't know how many
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of you here are single, how many are married,
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but I think so often we think that in Christian
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circles. We get married and the problems of sexual
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impurity evaporate. Not true. Sexual impurity
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is all too rife amongst married people. I am
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one, I can tell you that. It's all too rife in
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our actions, in our thoughts, or in our words.
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And the truth is that our past has an uncanny
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knack of showing up in our present and our future.
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If we were sexually impure in the past as a single
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person, getting married does not cure it. I so
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often see it partially in myself and in others.
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To give you one example of myself, someone that
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I used to think about far too much in a sort
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of romantic way as a single person. After Susanna
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and I got married, this other person that I used
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to think about far too much, she kept on cropping
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up in my dreams in the first year of Susanna
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and my marriage. And it was the most difficult
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thing about our first year of marriage. As when
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I was honest with Susanna, told her what was
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happening, Susanna therefore discovered that
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her husband, her new husband, was regularly dreaming
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about somebody else. Or to give you another example,
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Susanna and I, we meet so many married couples
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at HTC, our church, where the use of porn by
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one of the couple is having a major negative
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impact on their marriage. Sometimes the use of
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porn in the present, but sometimes use of porn
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solely in the past, but which impacts the ability
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now for the couple in the present to know intimacy.
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So for those of you who are single here today
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and you'd like to get married, can I encourage
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you, have your main focus not so much on finding
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the right person to marry, but rather focus on
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becoming the right person yourself. And all of
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us here, Orthodox, theologically sound as a pound
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Oak Hill types. I'm not quite as sound as a pound.
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I went to Wycliffe, I know. Whatever our relational
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status, it is a challenge, this. These words
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of Paul, they are a challenge. He says, flee
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from inappropriate actions, thoughts, and words.
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I mean, just look at verse three again. Among
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you, there must not even be a hint of sexual
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immorality or any kind of impurity. That is a
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major challenge to me. Not a hint, not any kind.
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It's worth each of us asking, where is there
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a hint for you? So that is, if you like, the
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what of sexual purity. But now, perhaps more
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importantly, we need to answer the why. Why is
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this what God wants? And to answer that, I want
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you to see the word in our passage that comes
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three times. The word has been translated live,
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but it's actually the Greek word peripeteo, which
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means to walk. The same word has been used twice
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by Paul in chapter 4. And each time that Paul
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uses this word, he's giving a reason why we should
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walk down, as it were, we should walk down the
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road of life well, rather than sort of falling
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into the ditch of sexual impurity. So let me
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just point out these three times where he says
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this word live, literally walk. The first one,
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the first reason why, the why of sexual purity
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is to walk a life of love. So if you look at
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verse one, verse one, Paul writes, follow God's
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example, therefore, as dearly loved children
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and live or literally walk a life of love. So
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the motive for sexual purity here is that you
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are loved. You're loved. That's how we started
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the whole service today. You're loved. Look at
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verse one, dearly loved children, live, walk
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a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave
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himself up for us. You see, if it is just a list
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of rules that's stopping me from sexual immorality,
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if it's just a legalistic obedience to a killjoy
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God, when it comes to sex, the rules do not work
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because sex is so powerful. The only way that
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you or I have a hope of being pure in the sexual
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arena is if we are walking through life in the
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light of God's great love for us in Jesus. Now,
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it is true that if we consistently, unrepentantly,
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are sexually immoral, impure, and greedy, verse
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5, then we have the warning of God's judgment.
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It's why, having been, Paul having been sort
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of so keen on unity in chapter 4, we see Paul
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saying in verse 7, do not be partners with them.
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But fundamentally, God is not a grumpy policeman
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policing our sex lives. God fundamentally, he
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is a lover. A lover who puts his life on the
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line for you and me. So why should we walk a
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life of love? Not because we are sort of begrudgingly
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trying to tick the purity boxes of a killjoy
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God, but because we're loved by God. We're loved
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by him passionately and faithfully. And if we
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want to understand that love a bit more, we just
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need to look to the end of the chapter past our
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reading where this love word is used seven times
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more. Just look at verse 25. Husbands, love your
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wives just as Christ loved the church and gave
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himself up for it. It's exactly the same phrasing
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in the Greek as in verse 2. Look back at verse
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2. Live a life of love just as Christ loved us
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and gave himself up for us. Same phrasing as
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in verse 25. So how did Jesus love the church?
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Christ did not boss the church. Christ did not
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oppress the church. Christ did not exploit the
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church. Christ did not look to sort of rule over
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the church in a sort of dictatorial fashion.
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No, what did Jesus do? Jesus gave himself up
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for the church. He took his body to the cross
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to be nailed there because of his great love
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for the church, for you and for me. The picture
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that the Bible paints is that for me, for any
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men here who are husbands or one day will be
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husbands, we're to be prepared to, as it were,
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be crucified for our wives. Quite simply, none
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of us will understand how this works unless we
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see Jesus as the ultimate husband, the ultimate
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lover. Because, of course, that's what Paul goes
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on to write. Verse 32, this is a profound mystery,
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but I'm talking about Christ and the church.
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Paul's saying all along his primary focus hasn't
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been so much on the relationship between husband
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and wife, but on the relationship between Christ
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and the church. And for every single one of us,
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Jesus Christ, Not any spouse that we may or may
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not have, but for every one of us, Jesus is the
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ultimate lover, the only person who can give
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us perfect love, complete affirmation, total
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security. And it is because you are loved, it's
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because of his perfect love for you and me, it's
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because you are loved that therefore we want
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to please him through living lives of sexual
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purity. So that's the first reason. You're loved,
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so walk a life of love. Here's the second reason.
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We don't just walk a life of love, but we also
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walk as a child of light. We walk as a child
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of light. Have a look, if you would, at verse
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8. Look at verse 8. Verse 8. For you were once
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darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.
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Live, or literally walk, as children of light.
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So the motive here for sexual purity is that
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we look back to our own fruitless deeds of darkness
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of the past, as Paul calls them, verse 11. And
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we say, that is not me now. We say, I am transformed
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by Jesus. We say, I am now a child of light.
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The transformation in us is staggering. It is
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as radical as transforming from darkness to light.
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And we're called to live out what we are now.
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You are light, says Paul. Live as children of
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light. I have an embarrassing habit of crying
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at inappropriate times, like once I had to be
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told to be quiet by an air stewardess on a plane
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because I was sniffing far too loudly as I was
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crying with my headphones on watching a film.
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Embarrassingly, the film was The Princess Bride.
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But, you know, I once gave a talk where Susanna
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and I actually gave this talk together where
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I cried in the middle of a talk for a very different
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reason. It was a talk to about 80 teenagers.
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But in those 80 teenagers, there were about three
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or four boys who were about 16 years old who
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thought they were pretty cool, pretty tough.
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And they were asking all sorts of questions,
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like if it wasn't okay to have sex outside of
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marriage as a Christian, was it okay for them
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to do all sorts of intimate things with their
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girlfriends? And as this happened, I just burst
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into tears. And here's the reason I cried. I
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cried because I knew how much hurt would be caused
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by the actions of these boys. Hurt to other people.
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but also hurt to themselves. And it pained me.
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It pained me because I knew how much hurt it
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had caused Susanna and me in the past, that both
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of us, in various ways, although we'd never had
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sex before we got married, we'd done things sexually
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with other people that were too intimate, which
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had hurt other people and had hurt ourselves.
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And so I cried that day because I was reminded
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of the darkness and the hurt of the past. Now,
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all of us will be far older. than those 16 -year
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-old boys. But it is still exactly the same message
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to us all. You are transformed by Jesus as a
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Christian. You have been transformed, so live
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as a child of light. Don't go back to the darkness.
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I think of someone at HTC, he came to faith in
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Jesus recently, about 12 or 16 months ago, something
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like that. Beforehand, he'd been regularly paying
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for sex with escorts. He'd been regularly using
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porn, regularly using cocaine, all sorts. And
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recently he gave his testimony. And this is what
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he said in his testimony. He said, my life has
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transformed completely. My life is now enriched
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by a living, breathing Christian community. I
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wake each day with peace, purpose, and the certainty
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that I'm loved, chosen, and never alone. I've
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been reborn. It's eight months since God called
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me to follow his son. And since that awakening,
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I haven't paid for sex or ingested nicotine.
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That can't be coincidence. So why sexual purity?
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It's not because God is a killjoy, but it's because
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as a Christian, you are transformed. Jesus has
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done the transforming in us, and light is so
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much better than darkness. Walk as a child of
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light, says Paul. Walk as a child of light in
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terms of our thoughts, our actions, our words,
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because God wants the best for me. He wants the
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best for you. He wants the best for every person
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on this planet. And then thirdly, we walk as
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a wise person. We walk as a wise person. Verse
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15. Verse 15, Paul says, be very careful then
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how you live, literally, how you walk, not as
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unwise, but as wise, making the most of every
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opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore,
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do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's
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will is. And perhaps one of the most unwise things
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that we can do when it comes to sexual purity
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comes in the next verse, verse 18, do not get
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drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. I know
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personally that for myself, most of the times
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in life, when I've most clearly fallen into the
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ditch of sexual impurity, alcohol has played
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a part in proceedings. And just look at the contrast.
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If the catalyst for sexual impurity is being
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filled with alcohol, The catalyst for sexual
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purity is being filled with the Holy Spirit.
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Verse 18, don't get drunk on wine, which leads
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to debauchery. Instead, be filled, literally
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go on being filled with the Holy Spirit. Under
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the influence of alcohol, we lose control. Under
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the influence of the Spirit, we gain control.
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So if we want to be those whom there is not a
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hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity,
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can I encourage us all, don't be foolish. Don't
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get drunk. Don't even go near getting drunk.
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Don't joke about drunkenness like it's a middle
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-class Christian permissible sin. So why sexual
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purity? It's because as a Christian, the same
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Holy Spirit who witnesses and convicts us where
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we're being sexually impure, that same Holy Spirit,
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he fills us. You are filled. You're filled. He
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fills us. He empowers us to take control of ourselves
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sexually, the opposite of what alcohol does.
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It's not just that we're struggling in our own
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strength to obey the rules of a killjoy God.
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No, he has loved us, first bit of the chapter.
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He has transformed us, second bit of the chapter.
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And he fills us with himself, third bit of the
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chapter. He fills us, you're filled. And so as
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I close, please let's remember there is no place
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for judgmentalism here. Every single one of us
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here in this room will have blown it in some
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way or other. in the sexual arena. We aren't
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fully that perfect show home where God is declaring
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to all the world what he is doing in the world.
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But the amazing thing is we can know forgiveness.
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We are still, despite all the ways that we've
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got things wrong, we're verse one, dearly loved
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children. He loves us, he transforms us, and
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he fills us. And in our struggles that we'll
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all have, our struggles with sin, our struggles
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with our situations where we're tempted to sin,
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we need to bring those to the Lord. Remembering
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what do we really think about him? In my heart
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of hearts, do I think he's a great celestial
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killjoy? The gospel tells us how it really is.
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Jesus Christ, he's the most loving Lord who died
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for you, who gave himself for you and for me.
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He's transformed you by his grace and he has
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sent his spirit to live in you. to fill you and
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to empower you from the inside out.