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How To Text a Narcissist That's Angry With You · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do you text or e-mail a narcissist is a question that I
• 0:05
  get a lot. Y'all, how do you communicate
• 0:06
  with a narcissist when you can't talk to them?
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  Like when you can't block them, when you can't get away from
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  them? How do you communicate with this
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  person? Is it?
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  Is it even possible? That's what we're tackling
• 0:17
  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:40
  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
• 0:41
  Welcome back. Yes, I'm sitting in my car as
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  soon as we have basketball practice.
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  We recording today. Yeah.
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  Text in a narcissist can be a tumultuous type of thing, right?
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  It can be a very stressful dynamic and if you like, not
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  everybody has the ability to just block their narcissistic
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  partner. I wish we all, I wish you all
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  could, I wish there was possible, but not everybody has
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  the ability to block this person that has been hurting them or
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  harming them in some way, shape or form.
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  So in order to protect your mental health, there are some
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  tech tactics and techniques that you can employ to help you move
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  forward on this journey to get away from this person and to
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  protect your like, yeah, literally just to protect your
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  mind 'cause it can be a stressful damn dynamic dealing
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  with somebody who's so manipulative, who is so toxic,
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  and who's who can be just overall awful to you, right?
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  It can be a tough dynamic to deal with that.
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  The first thing you want to do whenever you get a text message
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  from a narcissist is to get to gauge the tone of it.
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  You want to gauge the tone, Willie, What do you mean by the
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  tone? You can tell a lot.
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  You can like the first couple of words can sometimes tell you all
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  you need to know about a text message from a narcissistic
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  person, right? The first couple of words, if
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  it's a cuss word or if it's something mean or if it's in all
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  caps y'all don't read the whole message.
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  Protect your mental health if you have to communicate with
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  them for the kids or something like that.
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  Protect your mental health by not having to not reading the
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  whole message. I tell people to gauge the in
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  order to gauge the tone. The first thing you want to do
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  is read the first couple of words and then the last words.
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  How they end it. If it's a long ass message, read
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  the first couple of words and then the last words.
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  However they decide to end the however they decide to end it,
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  right? Because that's going to tell you
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  a lot. Because if the first sentence is
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  them cussing you out and the last sentence is a a middle
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  finger emoji, you don't want to read all of that.
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  Yeah, who on earth wants to read all of that?
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  No, seriously, who on earth wants to read your partner or
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  parent or whoever it is texting you like whoever or emailing
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  you? Who wants to read this
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  belittling ass message? No, right.
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  You don't want to have to do that.
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  So read the first sentence and the last sentence if possible to
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  gauge the tone, because if it's a negative tone, it's going to
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  affect you in a negative way. So you don't want to have to
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  read the whole entire message. Well, Lee, what if, what if this
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  the message contains important information about the kids skim.
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  You have to get good at skimming.
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  Not only do you have to get good at right reading the first
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  sentence and the last sentence, you have to get very good at
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  learning how to skim as well. Right skin.
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  Whatever your kids names are or the word kids or children or
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  child or whatever it is, my boy, son, daughter, whatever it is,
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  get good at skinning for exactly what you're looking for.
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  Like literally just looking for the name, looking for the word
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  kids and read that sentence for the pertinent information.
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  We're not like, yeah, we're not reading all that mess.
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  You don't have to read all that mess because when you text a
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  narcissist, I can guarantee it to you.
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  They're not reading all of your mess.
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  Most of them are not reading every single thing that you send
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  in that text message. When you pour your heart out
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  today, narcissistic bastard in your life, I can guarantee you
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  that most of them are not reading the entirety of your
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  text messages. This is not, you know, that's
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  just not how the mind of a narcissist works.
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  Most of them are not reading the text messages or emails in their
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  entirety. They're reading to look
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  especially. They're reading to react.
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  They're not reading to respond to you, they're reading to react
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  to one word or one sentence, which is how they text you.
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  They're texting you or emailing you or whatever, right?
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  For a reaction, they want you to react.
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  They want you to get angry or upset and send back some mess.
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  They want you to go. They want to go back and forth
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  with you because a lot of times the narcissist is probably
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  missing you. They probably miss terrorizing
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  you, and they want to just make sure that they still have some
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  type of control over your life. So what they'll do is they'll
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  send you a bunch of BS to get you, to get you to argue, to get
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  you sad, to throw you off of your game.
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  This is why I tell people you have to get very good at not
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  reacting to them, not reacting to these messages.
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  So you don't want to give them that unnecessary energy or push
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  in to keep doing this type of stuff.
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  Because if you react, if you react, I've been just telling
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  you they're going to keep doing it because why wouldn't they?
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  Why wouldn't they keep doing something that worked for them?
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  I'm sorry for raising my voice. I know you're like Lee, you
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  yelling at us. I just get frustrated y'all.
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  I get frustrated and I react. You see what I'm saying?
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  So it's not a perfect science, but you want to control your
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  reactions. Look y'all, one word messages
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  get on their damn nerves. I promise you if they send you a
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  long ass paragraph and you just skim through it, say got it or
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  OK thanks or something like that, they will piss them off.
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  Of course you want to be careful with pissing off a narcissist,
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  right? But they will piss them off.
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  So I mean, how do you hurt a narcissist?
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  Take away their power. Don't give them what they're
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  looking for. Don't give them what they're
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  after. That's how you hurt them.
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  You do not give them what they're after.
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  And that will absolutely bring some, bring the pain to that
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  narcissistic bastard that you're dealing with, I promise you,
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  because you don't want to have to keep dealing with this type
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  of person over and over again. Y'all, it can get y'all.
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  It can get very, very confusing. It can get very toxic.
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  It can get overwhelmingly boring dealing with this type of
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  person. It gets old.
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  It takes up too much energy dealing with an abusive,
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  manipulative bastard like this, right?
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  It, it just does. Let's be real.
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  It takes a way too much energy to give them to do all this type
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  of stuff with them. So I would say very good, very
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  good at skimming what a lot of people also are doing.
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  Y'all, Another thing a lot of people are doing when they have
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  to read a message or an e-mail from a narcissist, they're
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  taking it and do yeah, this is not, this is not medical advice,
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  right? This is not psychiatric advice
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  or anything. But some people are taking the
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  messages and running them through ChatGPT before they even
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  read them. ChatGPT can you summarize this
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  message with a nice tone instead of, you know, can you, can you
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  analyze the tone of this message?
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  ChatGPT, can you summarize this message so I can get the, the,
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  the points of it about the kids or whatever.
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  They're running the messages or the emails through chat ChatGPT
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  without reading them, right? They're doing this without
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  reading them. So they don't have to read
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  through the mess that their partner or ex or spouse or
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  whoever the parent, whoever it is that is sending them, they
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  don't have to read all that mess.
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  Let's chat look, Pat look, pass the pass the trauma to ChatGPT.
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  Now you don't necessarily want to get into responding to what
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  ChatGPT sends you, right? Because you can kind of tell
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  it's a robot, but you want to get into the habit of running
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  through, running that type of stuff through ChatGPT or some
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  type of AI software or whatever site to get you to, to change
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  the tone of the message that they send you, right?
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  So you don't have to read the absolutely insane type of shit
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  that they might be sending to you, right?
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  You can run it through ChatGPT and ask them the ChatGPT analyze
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  this message and what time should I pick the kids up And
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  ChatGPT was like, the time to pick the kids up is 8:00,
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  whatever it is that way, you ain't got to read all this crazy
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  ass stuff that they're sending to you that they're trying to
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  use to hurt your feelings with. You don't have to do that,
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  right? It's not a, it's not a necessity
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  in this case to have to do that or put up with it.
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  So yeah, learn how to analyze the messages not just only
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  through ChatGPT, but through your own ability to skim them.
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  Right, Because they want a reaction from you.
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  They want to cuss and poke and prod you.
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  So you cussing and poking and prodding back so they can set
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  you up. They can screenshot your
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  response, post it online and call you an abuser.
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  I know people have already responded.
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  Lee I too late, Lee, I already reacted.
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  OK, It's already happened. We can't change the fact that
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  it's already happened. But we can change is the that we
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  what we can change is that we're not going to let it happen again
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  in the same exact way you can take charge of where you are
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  right now. It doesn't always have to be the
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  same way with this toxic narcissistic person, right?
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  You can't. You cannot control how they
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  message you. Right.
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  But you can't control your responses and how how you let it
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  affect you throughout the day. You know, that's why I tell
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  people, if you can't block a narcissist, block they asses.
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  Don't give them the opportunity to keep sending these BS
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  messages to try to get a reaction from you, because if
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  they get a reaction from you, they're going to keep doing it.
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  Yeah. Yeah.
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  Or is it a perfect science? Are you going to snap sometime
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  and be angry? Yeah.
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  You're a human. That's the point.
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  They're going to keep doing things to upset you and sooner
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  or later it might get through. Yeah, I would take, I would
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  rather take one out of 100 times in getting through then 10 out
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  of 100. You just save your you just save
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  yourself 9 reactions, right? Give them and I say take the
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  energy away if they're expecting a a truly angry response from
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  you or something antagonistic from you, what they're like and
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  you send back. OK, got it.
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  Thank you for sending this over. That's going to piss them off
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  and take away their energy. That's going to take away their
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  power. But if you get into a texting
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  angry text back and forth thing, then hell, now when you get
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  angry texting back and forth, nobody wins in that situation
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  except for the narcissistic person.
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  So we're not doing, we're not doing it.
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  Keep doing the back and forth angry text messages because that
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  serves nobody. That serves absolutely no one in
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  these cases right here or these situations.
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  It serves no one. So what you want to do is get in
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  the habit. Get in the habit of protecting
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  your peace and protecting yourself by not giving them that
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  energy. Skim through it sometimes.
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  Yeah, what ends up happening? You can get on some of these
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  parenting apps too. This another way, Like if you
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  are parenting with a narcissist or you have to have to talk to
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  them, you can get the get on. You can try to get them, you can
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  try to get them on those Co parenting apps, right?
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  Where the Co parenting apps will absolutely like read the tone of
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  the messages of going back and forth and it won't send time.
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  Sometimes it won't send a message until the tone is
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  better, right? It won't let your partner send a
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  crazy ass message to you unless the tone is better.
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  So This is why it's so important in these situations to get
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  software, to get something, to get some type of intermediary,
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  y'all, Because you want to get good at skimming, you want to
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  get good at taking our energy away because that works for you.
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  It saves you so much unnecessary time, effort and energy in these
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  situations. It really does.
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  I promise you it does, right? Narcissists are looking for a
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  reaction. And yes, sometimes when you send
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  a long message to a narcissist, they're not going to read it.
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  They're going to send you back the word OK, or they're just
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  going to flat out say I'm not reading all of that.
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  They're going to piss you off. Like I said, not all of them
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  will send you these long winded, angry ass messages.
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  Some of them will just be the will try to diminish your value
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  and your worth and some of them will just send you short, short,
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  short, contrite responses. They won't give you any type of
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  energy back. They're not giving you any type
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  of energy. Not all of them will be mean
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  through the text messages and whatnot.
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  Some of them will absolutely just not try to give you any
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  type of energy back in these situations.
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  So now they'll just send you one word messages.
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  OK, now I'm not reading all of that.
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  So that's why I say it's a a lot of times it ends up being a
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  waste of time, effort, energy to just kind of like rewrite a long
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  winded message to a narcissistic person, right?
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  Because they're not going to read a long message, right?
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  I've truly believed that, you know, So I just tell you, in
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  this situation right here, get good at skinning, get good at
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  protecting your peace, get good at energizing yourself and
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  whatnot and not reacting. ANYWAYS, y'all, if you haven't
• 12:13
  already, make sure you hit that subscribe button.
• 12:15
  We're going to like, say I'm going to start doing more
• 12:17
  relationship stuff, more mental health, more other.
• 12:20
  I'm still going to be doing narcissist content, y'all, but
• 12:22
  I'm going to be doing adding in more mental others in mental
• 12:25
  health things as well. I'm talking about other things,
• 12:27
  other things outside of narcissism.
• 12:29
  Just be prepared. I'm still going to be talking
• 12:30
  about narcissist get out the videos every single day, but I
• 12:33
  also going to start mixing in other relationship advice that I
• 12:35
  have. I got I got a lot more things I
• 12:37
  want to share y'all, so I'm just mixing in relationship advice.
• 12:40
  What do y'all think about that? Also mix in some other mental
• 12:42
  health topics topics as well topics as well, y'all.
• 12:46
  Anyways, y'all mental illness.net for everything Lee
• 12:49
  Hammock and I'm out. Peace.