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#HURDLEMOMENT: Negative Self-Talk Doesn't Discriminate · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:01
Speaker 1: Hey, Hurdler's Welcome back to Hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a
0:04
Speaker 1: podcast that talks to everyone from entrepreneurs to top CEOs
0:07
Speaker 1: and athletes about how they get through tough times hurdles
0:10
Speaker 1: of sorts by leaning into wellness. Today, I'm hanging out
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Speaker 1: in the studio with the One, the Only, Kirsty God
0:17
Speaker 1: So she's back for her second Hurdle Moment appearance. Hey Christy,
0:21
Speaker 1: what's up?
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Speaker 2: How you doing?
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Speaker 3: I'm doing great today? How about you? I'm great.
0:25
Speaker 1: Before we get into today's chat, where we are going
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Speaker 1: to be a dishing all about negative self talk, a.
0:32
Speaker 2: Quick shout out to my sponsor, Wollaco.
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Speaker 1: if you're interested, head to the link in the description
1:00
Speaker 1: of this episode to RSVP. Now, let's talk about negative
1:04
Speaker 1: self talk. Christy and I got to talking about this
1:06
Speaker 1: the other day, and I think it was a really special,
1:10
Speaker 1: open and honest conversation that I knew I wanted to
1:12
Speaker 1: bring to the audience.
1:14
Speaker 3: It was an interesting one because I think it was
1:16
Speaker 3: both of us being very vulnerable, and isn't that.
1:19
Speaker 2: Always really fun?
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Speaker 3: I mean it feels like a relief, like it kind
1:24
Speaker 3: of can be therapy sometimes just be like I'm not okay,
1:28
Speaker 3: like I'm on Burgundy, like, you know, because that's a
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Speaker 3: difficult thing to confront. And then I think it's more
1:36
Speaker 3: confronting to be like I'm not okay because of the
1:38
Speaker 3: things I'm saying to myself totally. I'm victimizing myself, like totally.
1:43
Speaker 1: And I think it's really just an important topic to
1:45
Speaker 1: bring back up. I know I've talked about this before
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Speaker 1: in the way so negative self talk hurdle moment, But
1:50
Speaker 1: after the conversation that I had with Kirsty, I just
1:52
Speaker 1: knew that it was an important one to bring back around.
1:55
Speaker 1: You know, it's not really something this inner dialogue that
1:58
Speaker 1: you work on once and then you're like, I'm all
2:00
Speaker 1: set with this. It's a continuing, evolving relationship that we
2:04
Speaker 1: have with ourselves as always as you listen in, shoot
2:08
Speaker 1: me a DM if you like what you hear in,
2:09
Speaker 1: post on Instagram, share the pod at Hurdle Podcast, at
2:13
Speaker 1: en lay Body and of course at Christy Godso with that,
2:17
Speaker 1: let's get to hurdling. All right, So negative self talk,
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Speaker 1: it's a jerk, the worst. It's the worst, It's the
2:32
Speaker 1: absolute worst. I did this really valuable exercise a few
2:35
Speaker 1: months back where I wrote a letter to myself and
2:37
Speaker 1: the letter wasn't that awesome. I was really critical, it
2:42
Speaker 1: was really hard to read. But after that I found
2:45
Speaker 1: that I was so motivated just to be better, to
2:48
Speaker 1: work on my insecurities and to change the things that
2:51
Speaker 1: I put down to paper that were frustrating me. So
2:54
Speaker 1: now every few months I feel like I get this
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Speaker 1: anxious feeling back and I sit down and write a
3:00
Speaker 1: new letter. And what I do is I read the
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Speaker 1: letter again, I let it sync in, and then hearing
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Speaker 1: all that stuff motivates me to make a change.
3:09
Speaker 3: It's really interesting, Like sometimes I think I'm like, damn,
3:12
Speaker 3: what if we wrote ourselves a letter every month about
3:15
Speaker 3: the things that we thought were so major at the time,
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Speaker 3: and we'd probably laugh at ourself like four months later,
3:21
Speaker 3: maybe six months later.
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Speaker 1: I mean, that's like my middle school diary. I was
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Speaker 1: like such a tomboy.
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Speaker 3: I actually never had a diary when I was growing up,
3:30
Speaker 3: but like I kind of wish that I did. But
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Speaker 3: I think at this age now, it's like internal dialogue
3:36
Speaker 3: is you can't ignore it, right, Anyone has to be
3:39
Speaker 3: in tune with their like I call it internal conditioning,
3:43
Speaker 3: because you know, the words that we say to ourselves
3:45
Speaker 3: were drumming in over and over and over again, so
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Speaker 3: we got to get a handle on what their voice
3:49
Speaker 3: is going to be. And often it's easier to complain,
3:53
Speaker 3: like I'm just gonna say that it really that's the
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Speaker 3: easy lane. So I'm a competitive person, so the first
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Speaker 3: thing I do, like, oh, you're going to take the
4:01
Speaker 3: easy way out. You're going to complain about this, and
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Speaker 3: I try and use it as a guilt trip to
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Speaker 3: like get out of it. And I think we actually
4:07
Speaker 3: spoke on our first podcast that I ever did with
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Speaker 3: you about complaining and trying to get out of the
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Speaker 3: complain game. Yeah, and once you get out, like how
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Speaker 3: do you stay out? How do you really hold yourself
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Speaker 3: accountable to being like, no, that level of conversation is
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Speaker 3: absolutely not okay, not to myself, Like, and I know
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Speaker 3: you personally, and I know me personally. We would never
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Speaker 3: speak to other people the way that sometimes we speak
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Speaker 3: to ourselves, I know.
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Speaker 1: And I felt like the other day, I mean, it's
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Speaker 1: it's obvious that everyone has their own insecurities, but for me,
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Speaker 1: as someone who I'm hyper critical of myself, to hear
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Speaker 1: that you were frustrated with yourself and it's like you're
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Speaker 1: your own biggest critic, right, and so it's almost comforting
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Speaker 1: to hear someone else just be like, yeah, I'm really
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Speaker 1: affing frustrated with me too, you know.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and like, you know, to be really honest about it.
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Speaker 3: Like for me, the conversation we were having was about
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Speaker 3: our body and my job an as a trainer and
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Speaker 3: I like to say as an energy dealer and being
5:09
Speaker 3: in the business of bodies is to make everyone else
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Speaker 3: feel more confident about not only their body, but about
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Speaker 3: their energy and about everything that they're doing. But sometimes
5:18
Speaker 3: it feels overwhelming, and it feels at the cost of
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Speaker 3: my own confidence and at the cost of my own
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Speaker 3: attention to self. And so I got into kind of
5:27
Speaker 3: this downward spiral, and I realized that I'd been ticking
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Speaker 3: over for about eight months, and I was like, I
5:32
Speaker 3: am not confident or happy in my body. And I
5:36
Speaker 3: think even like the look on your face when I
5:38
Speaker 3: said it to you, you were like what, Like, what
5:41
Speaker 3: do you mean? And the craziest thing is I just
5:45
Speaker 3: came off like a gorgeous quick holiday in the South
5:47
Speaker 3: of France for three days where I'm going to be honest, guys,
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Speaker 3: I drank more than I have in years. I did
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Speaker 3: a work out for three days. It's not like us
5:53
Speaker 3: sleeping that much. I had fun. I was in the sun,
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Speaker 3: I was with friends, so I was eating great food.
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Speaker 3: My body looked better than over because I was just
6:01
Speaker 3: happy and I was just being and I was like wow, Like, guys,
6:04
Speaker 3: not saying go to the South of farms and just
6:06
Speaker 3: drink and don't even work out. That's not my point
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Speaker 3: to take from this. My point is these restrictions and
6:12
Speaker 3: these these harnesses were surrounding ourself, these stresses are what
6:16
Speaker 3: trap us in and and I think more of the
6:19
Speaker 3: time it's just that we we get so glazed over
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Speaker 3: in our eyes with this, with these frustrations that we
6:24
Speaker 3: don't even see ourself anymore, because then you'll have friends
6:27
Speaker 3: say something to you, and it almost feels like the
6:29
Speaker 3: more that your friends say something, you're like, oh god,
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Speaker 3: you're beautiful, you're the you're that's your fit, and you're
6:33
Speaker 3: like and almost a lie. It's a lie. Yeah, And
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Speaker 3: then it makes you feel worse because you feel like
6:38
Speaker 3: you're living in silo with this version of you that
6:42
Speaker 3: you're like, that's not me, Like what, No, I don't
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Speaker 3: understand how you would think that.
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Speaker 1: And then emotional triggers and then situational triggers as well,
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Speaker 1: can make you see yourself in a way that's just
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Speaker 1: so skewed right, Like absolutely, I know when I wear
6:55
Speaker 1: my hair a certain way, I see the emily that
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Speaker 1: was overweight back in car, or when I am around
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Speaker 1: like a certain type of food, if you're around a
7:04
Speaker 1: certain type of food, or if you're around I don't know, Like,
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Speaker 1: there's just so many things that just like bring you
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Speaker 1: back to a place that make you think of a
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Speaker 1: version of you that is not what's happening right now.
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Speaker 3: And it's hard to get out of that well, and
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Speaker 3: it's really hot, and so I think, and sometimes it's
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Speaker 3: difficult to express it to other people because they goin
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Speaker 3: to be like, what are you talking about? You being
7:22
Speaker 3: a hypochondriac. You'll fine, It doesn't honestly, Like sourcing compliments
7:27
Speaker 3: from external resources is not. You have to figure it
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Speaker 3: out for you. You have to get it right. And
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Speaker 3: I don't have a pro tip that's really going to
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Speaker 3: solve everything, but I have a few steps.
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Speaker 2: We have some steps.
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Speaker 1: So what Kirsty and I were talking about is just
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Speaker 1: this idea of making what we like to call an
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Speaker 1: internal code of conduct, which is how you will handle
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Speaker 1: yourself and speak to yourself. And on the days where
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Speaker 1: you're not speaking to yourself all that, well, the very
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Speaker 1: least you can do is go back to this code
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Speaker 1: of conduct and just move forward the best you can
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Speaker 1: and do what you can with what you have.
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Speaker 3: Absolutely, so I think the first place to start take
8:03
Speaker 3: the emotion out of it. What are the facts? This
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Speaker 3: is something my mom taught me to do, like very
8:08
Speaker 3: early on, and it was funny when I was like
8:10
Speaker 3: a teenager, I was like, well, the facts are, Mom,
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Speaker 3: he cheated on me, and so that's where the emotion's
8:16
Speaker 3: coming from. But now as the full adult, I use
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Speaker 3: that one a lot. I use it daily. I'm like, wow, okay,
8:23
Speaker 3: I'm getting superheated about this. And this can be without
8:26
Speaker 3: it even being internal like negative self talk. This could
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Speaker 3: be anything. Take the emotion out of it. Look at
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Speaker 3: the facts helps you be very rational, very fast. But
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Speaker 3: when it comes to internal self dialogue, it might be like, Okay,
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Speaker 3: I'm not feeling confident in my body and saying that
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Speaker 3: in a peaceful way rather than like speaking at yourself
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Speaker 3: with hate and just being like, okay, what are the facts.
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Speaker 3: I've had no routine, I've been flying a lot recently.
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Speaker 3: Work's being crazy, my sleep debt is crazy. I owe
8:53
Speaker 3: a lot to the bed. These are key things that
8:56
Speaker 3: would yep, that would make sense. You're definitely going to
8:58
Speaker 3: be having raging them for quote as all you need
9:01
Speaker 3: to sleep. You need to focus on getting some routine back.
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Speaker 3: What are you going to do about it? Like have
9:06
Speaker 3: an action plan.
9:06
Speaker 2: I also love the term sleep dead. Oh my god,
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Speaker 2: I mean I don't love the idea of sleep forever
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Speaker 2: and no, I can totally relate with that.
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Speaker 1: And then I think, I think the next thing to
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Speaker 1: bring up when it comes to this code of conduct
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Speaker 1: is the idea that you are what you allow and
9:22
Speaker 1: there are a lot of things or individuals that come
9:26
Speaker 1: into our life that we want to appease them. We
9:28
Speaker 1: want to make everybody happy. But at what cost? Are
9:32
Speaker 1: you willing to let someone treat you some kind of way?
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Speaker 1: If you're allowing that, if you're not getting what you deserve,
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Speaker 1: then you gotta you gotta move on.
9:42
Speaker 2: Guys.
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Speaker 3: This is too funny because I'm like literally sitting him
9:44
Speaker 3: in my hands up, being like, yes, yes, you going
9:48
Speaker 3: you get what you allow is something that I try
9:50
Speaker 3: and use all the time, even when I've made mistakes.
9:52
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, okay, gee, you should have read the
9:54
Speaker 3: fine print on that. Oh my gosh, but it's true,
9:57
Speaker 3: like at what expins? So this is this is something
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Speaker 3: too that is really great for in business and in
10:03
Speaker 3: friendships and in time management and understanding your time is
10:07
Speaker 3: so precious and you actually don't have to explain yourself
10:10
Speaker 3: sometimes when it's a no, you don't have to be like, no,
10:12
Speaker 3: I can't be there because you're just like can't make it.
10:15
Speaker 3: Stop apologizing, Stop apologizing for things that you do not
10:18
Speaker 3: need to apologize for, like hey, I'm so sorry I
10:21
Speaker 3: couldn't be there, blah blah blah blah, buth unnecessary chat,
10:24
Speaker 3: like unnecessary energy drifting away from you. You have to
10:28
Speaker 3: show up for you first and foremost before you can
10:30
Speaker 3: show up to anyone else. And the people that love
10:32
Speaker 3: you want the fullest version of you. They don't want
10:34
Speaker 3: the red stout version that's tried to keep everyone else
10:36
Speaker 3: happy except themselves.
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Speaker 1: And I think what's really important in this bigger picture
10:42
Speaker 1: idea of trying to get rid of the negative self
10:45
Speaker 1: talk is the idea when we talked about this last
10:47
Speaker 1: week on Hurdle Moment, is surrounding yourself with those energy dealers,
10:50
Speaker 1: the people that really fill you up, you know, the
10:52
Speaker 1: faucets over the drains. It's so so important that if
10:57
Speaker 1: you yourself feel like you're struggling with something that you
10:59
Speaker 1: need to remember A you're never alone, and B there
11:03
Speaker 1: are people that support you, that want to be there
11:05
Speaker 1: for you and that are open to hearing your open
11:07
Speaker 1: and honest conversation, your inner thoughts because they want you
11:11
Speaker 1: to be the best version of.
11:12
Speaker 3: You, and they're going to help you navigate through that.
11:15
Speaker 3: So you can have you can have some really great
11:17
Speaker 3: people in the car with you, or you can have
11:18
Speaker 3: people that might make you crash. So just you know,
11:21
Speaker 3: pick your passengers.
11:22
Speaker 2: Pick your passengers, all right.
11:24
Speaker 1: And our last little bit to talk about when it
11:26
Speaker 1: comes to getting rid of this negative self talk is
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Speaker 1: if it costs you peace.
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Speaker 3: It's too expensive, don't throw you piece away, guys, because
11:36
Speaker 3: this comes down to you non negotiables. This comes down
11:39
Speaker 3: to things that really like just no buno, like you
11:43
Speaker 3: just cannot at the end of the day, you are
11:47
Speaker 3: really all you've got, Like we have the people around us,
11:49
Speaker 3: we have our families. You know, there's many things to have,
11:52
Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, it's you and
11:54
Speaker 3: you're you're in the driver's seat of that. So you
11:56
Speaker 3: have to dictate what you're going to allow. And a
11:59
Speaker 3: lot of this comes from you know, this can diverge
12:02
Speaker 3: off into a lot of different things. I've been focusing
12:06
Speaker 3: a lot within this realm. One complain or gain right
12:09
Speaker 3: for myself or with other people. And it's like, okay, cool,
12:11
Speaker 3: I can choose to complain about that, or I could
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Speaker 3: gain from the situation. And when I if I complained
12:16
Speaker 3: about it, that costs my piece. If I choose to
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Speaker 3: get a gain from it, that's me guarding my piece.
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Speaker 3: Because sometimes it's about not getting what you want and
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Speaker 3: getting the learning curve from that and understanding that that
12:27
Speaker 3: was purpose for you because you're going to be even
12:29
Speaker 3: better and that situation wasn't for you, or that relationship
12:32
Speaker 3: wasn't for you, even that project, that apartment, like anything,
12:36
Speaker 3: it's just it's not always meant for you. But be
12:39
Speaker 3: on board with protecting your piece and being like, cool,
12:42
Speaker 3: it's okay. And I don't mean that to some wishy washy,
12:45
Speaker 3: but like, that's a big piece. Like you could throw
12:48
Speaker 3: your piece away all day. I could get pessed after
12:50
Speaker 3: riding the subway to Midtown to go to my shifts
12:52
Speaker 3: at Nike. I could have absolutely blown a gasket for
12:54
Speaker 3: the whole day. Yeah, but I'm like, no, this is
12:58
Speaker 3: not I'm like, man, I live in New York City.
13:01
Speaker 3: I get to renew my visa right now. That's why
13:03
Speaker 3: I try and remind myself, Well, that's a frustrating task. Yeah,
13:07
Speaker 3: I'm like, I get to keep showing up to train
13:09
Speaker 3: people that I love for a brand that I love
13:12
Speaker 3: in a city that yeah, maybe drives me crazy fifty
13:15
Speaker 3: percent of the time, but I love.
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Speaker 2: It, but I love it.
13:18
Speaker 3: And so you can immediately turn around a conversation that
13:21
Speaker 3: could have been something that makes you feel super frustrated
13:24
Speaker 3: and just protect your peace and be like but then
13:27
Speaker 3: there's other situations where it's like, Okay, I know by
13:29
Speaker 3: going to that thing, just be like, I'm so spent,
13:32
Speaker 3: I have nothing left to give. I just need to
13:34
Speaker 3: have a night in watching Billions, drinking bone broth, whatever
13:38
Speaker 3: it is, you know, Or I need some time out,
13:41
Speaker 3: or I need to say no to this job, or
13:43
Speaker 3: I just need to say that's enough to that relationship
13:46
Speaker 3: where I need to say that's enough to myself.
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Speaker 1: Totally, And I think it's also just so important on
13:52
Speaker 1: this idea of getting rid of the negative self talk
13:54
Speaker 1: is identifying the things that do bring you peace. So
13:57
Speaker 1: the other day, I was literally texting with a girlfriend
13:59
Speaker 1: and I say, you know what I'm gonna do tomorrow,
14:01
Speaker 1: in addition to the fact that I was like taking
14:03
Speaker 1: a day off for the first time in forever. I said,
14:06
Speaker 1: I'm going to do three things that I love. And
14:09
Speaker 1: I literally have a list that I have made of
14:11
Speaker 1: things that bring me joy in my apartment and some
14:13
Speaker 1: days when I find that I have free time, I
14:15
Speaker 1: literally go and read the list again because I'm like, Okay,
14:17
Speaker 1: you like to do these things and they aren't all
14:20
Speaker 1: about running, and you can do whatever you want from
14:23
Speaker 1: this list and like smile and feel good about it.
14:26
Speaker 1: And she told me when I saw her the following week,
14:28
Speaker 1: she was like, what you said actually really had an
14:30
Speaker 1: impact on me, Like you were taking the time to
14:32
Speaker 1: just do three things for you.
14:33
Speaker 2: And I was like, we should We shouldn't have to so.
14:36
Speaker 1: Deliberately take so much time, Like we have the opportunity
14:39
Speaker 1: to do something that makes us happy every single day.
14:41
Speaker 3: Well, we shouldn't wait till we're right at the end,
14:44
Speaker 3: like where we're running on the fumes to fill up
14:46
Speaker 3: the cup like that. I had a day like that yesterday.
14:49
Speaker 3: I was just my best friend FaceTime meet. Georgia was
14:52
Speaker 3: like how's your day? And I was like, I've had
14:53
Speaker 3: the best day and she's like, wow, tell me about it.
14:56
Speaker 3: And I was like, I slipped in for me asleep
14:59
Speaker 3: inyos a. I was like, I got a coffee, I
15:02
Speaker 3: went to a hit class, I got another coffee, I
15:04
Speaker 3: went to pilates, I city biked, I met a friend,
15:07
Speaker 3: it's sunny. I came home and I was like, wow,
15:10
Speaker 3: none of that involved me needing like an expensive handbag,
15:14
Speaker 3: like floor to ceiling windows or like, you know, any
15:17
Speaker 3: of these things that sometimes we let overwhelm us thinking
15:19
Speaker 3: they're important. I was like, those were just super easy
15:21
Speaker 3: things like I just wanted to work out, drink coffee,
15:24
Speaker 3: see a friend. Like why do I leave that to
15:28
Speaker 3: take so long that I'm allowed to have that time?
15:31
Speaker 3: So I guess for everyone, I would say, figure out
15:34
Speaker 3: what your non negotiables are. For yourself, figure out that
15:36
Speaker 3: internal GPS, and define this code of conduct, and don't
15:41
Speaker 3: wait for it to be a New Year's resolution, because
15:44
Speaker 3: all your time right now is expensive, and all of
15:46
Speaker 3: your time is precious, and you owe every single day
15:49
Speaker 3: to yourself and the people that are in your life.
15:51
Speaker 1: I'm so much better for having the opportunity to have
15:53
Speaker 1: these conversations, Chris, do you.
15:56
Speaker 2: Thanks so much for hanging out with me today.
15:58
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me back.
15:59
Speaker 1: Guys, anything you know how to reach me Emily at
16:02
Speaker 1: Hurdle dot Us, at Emily a Body, at Hurdle Podcast,
16:05
Speaker 1: and at Kirsty Godso another hurdle conquered.
16:10
Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.
16:12
Speaker 3: Damn