Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / STILL Single and Famously Available

Transcript

STILL Single and Famously Available · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate summer of love treat.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: This is Famously Available.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Famously Available. It's Deanna with you and
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: we're back guys for more because we are still available.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: We've got a lot to catch up on and some
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: new ladies are in the mix. Kathy, I am still available.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: So am I, Deanna.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: How does this happen?
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Can you tell me?
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Something is not right in the world. The stars have
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: not aligned.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I got nothing here.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: What's been up with you? Tell me what's been going
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: on with you since we last chatted.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I did dip my toes in.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Into a relationship.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Tell me.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I like dated a guy and just him for like
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: three months.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was kind of wild. We like, we're like,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: It was really intense from the start.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Sounds good. Obviously something happened.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Well, you know that you're not quite ready for an
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: intense relationship when it's a panty dropper if he just
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: carries toilet paper up the stairs.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Are we talking love bombing with toilet paper? What are
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: we talking here?
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: No, like for the first time in my life, this
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: man carried things up the stairs without having to be asked.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: And I was like, have me Lord.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: I am yours. So what's wrong with him?
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't think we have enough time today because
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Annalise is here and Cindy. You know, I think that
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: it was really intense from the start. And when it
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: is that hot and heavy from the beginning, you miss things.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: You don't pay attention to red flags. And I really
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: don't want to make the same mistakes twice. So I
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: kept taking note of things. And then it took one
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: thing to happen. And I was like, yeah, I was like,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I'm all done. I'm all done. I will not go
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: backwards in life. I have been in a really awful
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: marriage relationship for 15 years. I won't do it again.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: You don't get a free pass on bad behavior.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: Okay. So since you and I have been together in December,
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I actually did not date very much until the last,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: let's call it six weeks, two months ago. And I
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: met like four guys, like ping pong. It was just boom, boom, boom. Yeah,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: it was crazy.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: That's three more than me. Well, hold on.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: The first guy, let's just talk about the two that
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: are worth it. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I just want to acknowledge that like you had options.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, wait till you hear my story and then you
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: might change your, you might change that decision. The first
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: guy was great. I was like, how did I, literally,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I thank you, God, you finally have brought my chapter two.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited. And it was great until he literally
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: flipped out about his son who had some problems. And
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: when I tell you, It was Jekyll and Hyde. So
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: he was gently kicked to the curb and then quickly
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: moved on. And then I met this great guy recently.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: We had two of the best dates ever. We were
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: so aligned on everything you could imagine. Politics, religion, what
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: we like to do with our life, all of it.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: And then he ghosted me. So I don't know. So yes,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I am famously or not available.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: So what you're telling us ladies is that it doesn't
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: get better with age.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, you know what? I'm the eternal optimist. So I
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: am still romantically hopeful, a hopeful romantic, whatever. But I'm
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: really at a point in my life where now I'm
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: confused because I really thought that that the first guy,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: and then he flipped out. And I thought, okay, you know, whatever.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: But then when I met the second guy and we
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: had these incredible two dates and he didn't love bomb me,
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: but our communication style was so aligned. Everything that you
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: read about that you want in a guy and that
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: he should want in you. Again, I was, thank you, Lord.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: You know, everyone has a misstep, but thank you for
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: this guy. And then ghosted. So I'm left very perplexed.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I really, to be fair, I want to text him
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: and ask why. I want to know why he ghosted
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: me because I don't understand. He told me how smart
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I was, how beautiful I was, how he loved my energy.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: He loved everything about me and he ghosted me. Some
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: people might say, you know, what's ghosting? So we had
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: our first date and then he went four or five
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: days and then he called me and I said, oh,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I'm so surprised to hear from you. And he said, why?
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And I said, because I haven't heard from you and
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I thought you weren't interested. And he goes, oh no,
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: I'm very interested. I just, I have a lot going
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: on with my lawyers. He runs some businesses. I'm very busy.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: So then we had the second great date and I said, look,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: I don't need to hear from you every day, but
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: if you're interested, I need to know that you're around.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: And it has been now like 10 days, nothing.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: What was the last communication between you two?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: He actually had talked about getting together. He said he
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: had these two days available. And then he got sick
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: with some stomach virus. And I, because I actually have
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: learned that kindness, in my world, kindness counts. I offered
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: to bring him soup or whatever he needed. He said,
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: no thanks, but I'll let you know.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Kathy, you're a better woman than me. I've been like,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: oh my God, you've got the pukes. I'll see you
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: in six months.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't want any part of that. I didn't. So
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: here we are, six months later, you and I are
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: still famously available. And now we have these other two
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: lovely ladies here.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: It's still available.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Annalise and Cindy, who are also still available, so take
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: it away.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you've heard enough about what we have been
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: through over the last six months. And I hate to
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: encourage you into the dating scene, but like join the pool.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I hear you guys are still available.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: Cindy?
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: Oh, I'm still available. I'm fresh off of this show.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: And I dated for a little while and dated furiously.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: You can't.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Like, give us some. Like, tell us what dating was like.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Did people know you? Did they know you from the show?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Or did you just find these guys off the street?
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: I had some people slide into my DMs and, you know,
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: meet me, came in from out of town.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: And that was great.
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: And of course, they knew from the show I'm willing
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: to move somewhere else. But- what is difficult to understand
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: is you can't get to know one another in that environment.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: On the show, I had a great chance during the
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: bachelor to kind of accelerate all of that. And then
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: once They think that they could replicate that in real life,
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: and it just doesn't happen that way.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Show up and be yourself. Yeah.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: And then the red flags start coming out or those
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: traits that are annoying.
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: You're like, wow.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: You really had men slide into your DMs?
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: That never happens to me. And travel from out of state.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: I would take that.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I would take that. Fly on over.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Come.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: They were great people. They were really great individuals.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Go ahead, Kathy.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Kathy has something to say.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Kathy's been walking this journey with me. I live in
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: the same, we both live in Austin. I know Cindy.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: We are very good friends. And she nicknames her guys
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: so I know who she's talking about.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: You do not do that?
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know you do.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Are you kidding me?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: How do you keep them straight?
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: John and Bill? I do nickname them. You do?
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: One.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Two months later, one. This girl has men. So be honest.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: She has a roster?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, so there has been a cycle.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: For the young girls, I think a roster means you're
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: sleeping with them. No, that doesn't. Are you getting down, Cindy?
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: No, no.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Tell those girls who need to. No, I'm not getting down.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: And when I was dating several people, I got very discouraged.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And so- Kathy is rolling her eyes, but I'm just
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: telling you how it actually felt.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I'm playing the violin because I know the truth there.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Kathy would like to play the roster.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: Just because there are people who are interested doesn't mean
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: I'm dating them. So they might be communicating with me,
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: but it doesn't mean I'm dating them. So having said that,
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: I went through a period of time where I kind
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: of had given up, and I thought I'm just going
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: to put it all on pause. And I'll tell you
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: what happened. I met Kendra Scott and Zach Brown. And
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: Kendra Scott is a jewelry designer from Austin. And of course,
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: we all know Zach Brown.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: He puts his toes in the water and his ass
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: in the sand.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Keep it going. They have been through hell in their relationships.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: And they found each other.
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: What do you call it? Not their producer, but their
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: PR person introduced them. And they really have hit it off.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: And I watched them together and it literally brought a
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: tear to my eye. And I thought it is possible
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: for these two people to go through hell and to
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: find each other and to find love again. It actually
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: helped me come back to life and say, my guy's
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: probably out there. I will remain open to it. I
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: may not seek it in the same way, but I
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: am open to it again.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: So thank you, Kendra.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Zach.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah and can I please have your cast off Cindy
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: because your stable is so full she needs four more bales.
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: Of hay feed the girls okay Annalise tell us what
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: you are doing I have someone for Annalise I'm really
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: like stewing about so it's.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: Funny that you say that because I do think that
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: that's the number one way that I meet people these
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: days is I'm on Raya that's the only dating site
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: I'm on but I really.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Don't use it I've been on the wait list for
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: like three years.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: I don't know what the rules are to get people on,
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: but it's very strange because I've heard from so many
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: people that they can't get on and you should absolutely
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: be on.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Don't you think? Yes.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: But also at the same time, you're not missing much.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You're not missing anything.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: So I wouldn't, you know, don't hold your breath that
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: like Mr. Right is there because I mean, I have
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: met guys from that. I've had relationships from from Raya
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: from other dating sites in the past.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Wait you've had relationships I.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: Have I would say my last two relationships were from
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: people that I met on Raya.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: In town or out of town?
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: One started out of town, then was in town, and
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: then the other one was in town.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Would you move?
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: Absolutely. I'm a free bird right now. I mean, it
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: depends where to.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Kathy, we're going to get her to Austin.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: But I do like being near... A coast, so I
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: don't know. I don't know. Austin's near a coast.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: The Gulf Coast.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Well, they have a lake. A lake is a little
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: different from... We're only.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: A couple hours from the Gulf Coast. We got red tide.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: We got it all. We're sending you to Austin.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: Okay. Yeah, but dating, my last relationship ended two years ago,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: and I have not dated. And honestly, I don't miss
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: it that much. I don't care that much. I'm not
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: actively seeking... a person, I feel like, uh, yeah, like
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I said, the people that I've met are set up.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: You are a lot younger than I am. The fact
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: that you have not dated anyone in two years, I'm
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: very curious about that. You don't have children. You have
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: some freedom in your life. What is it that is
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: keeping you from actively engaging, you know, in the dating scene?
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: I think for the longest time, especially like when I
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: was on The Bachelor and just how I was when
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: I was young, I was so hungry for marriage and kids.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: That's like what I really put most of my identity
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: into is wanting that. And I think I've done that
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: for such a long time. And I've had some great
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: relationships and then a lot that have just really kind
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: of knocked me in a place where I'm like, I
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: have no.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Faith in the opposite sex.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: So now do you see, are you the girl now
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: that you meet a guy and you see the, you know,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: a red, you see.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: A yellow flag.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: I pay attention now. And I don't, I'm somebody who
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: sees the best in everyone. And so it's really hard
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: because it's, If I, and I'm just, I'm not seeing
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: potential anymore. That's where I'm trying to be like, okay, yeah,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: this person could be a great person. They could be
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: my person. If this X, Y, and Z thing happened, no, that's,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: then it's not going to work.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you get
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: to a place in your life, like we're not looking
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: for fixer uppers anymore.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: No, this is the thing. I always say after my
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: last relationship, I need someone who adds ease to my
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: life and adds value. And my life is really fulfilled
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: on its own. So unless somebody, and I know it's
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: like a big, It's a big ask. It's putting a
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: lot of pressure on somebody, but also at the same time,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: those should be easy things for the person that's your
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: right person.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: I'm going to call you on that.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Is it putting a lot of pressure? I'm way older
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: than you, and I'm looking for a man who adds
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: to my life. So why is that putting pressure on
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: a guy? I'm curious.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I just think that... I think some people would say, like,
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: maybe to the extent if they're reading it through a
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: different lens, like, oh, you need somebody that's adding ease
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: to your life. They're doing all of these things for you.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: But really, I need somebody who's just doing, like, carrying
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: the toilet paper up the stairs.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Basic level things.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, to make my life easier.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: I need a man who can outman me.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: And who can see where I'm like, if I'm having,
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: I've had a lot of family issues in the last
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: couple years. And it, you know, somebody who's just like, oh,
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: let me grab dinner for you guys so that you
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: don't have to think about it because I know you've
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: had so much stuff going on. Just like thinking about
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: the things that could make your life better.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So you know what I'm hearing? We are all, I think,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: each a decade apart or close to it.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I think we're about the same age.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, you guys are the same age? Okay, well.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I know she looks 10 years younger. She does.
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: Kathy.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: No, but what I'm saying here is Cindy and I
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: are like, what, nine years apart. We are all seeing
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: the same thing. I find it so interesting that the
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: dynamic doesn't change.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: I also think there's a difference, and I know I
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: have felt it. There's a difference between when you're dating-
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: and when you're looking for a relationship.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I 1,000% agree. I believe that dating looks very different
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: for me now than when I was younger and I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: wanted marriage and kids. Dating looked very different. I was
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: willing to have a fixer-upper and do life. I am
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: no longer looking for those things. Therefore, dating looks very
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: different for me.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: What does it look like for you?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I said it a second ago. I need a
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: man who can outman me. I have a job. I
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: put a roof over my kids' heads. I pay for everything.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I fix things. I do things. So in order to...
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Have a partner, which I believe we're designed for.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: He's got to be able to outman me.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: He needs to add to his relationship. What does that
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: look like? Not carrying the toilet paper. What does that mean?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Does he pay for your house?
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Does he bring home the dinner?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: No, I don't need to be taken care of. I'm
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: not a taken care of girl.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I have a career.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I need emotional stability. There you go. I need emotional stability.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I need a man who is emotionally mature. Available.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Who can handle his life.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: But that's also not going to be another child, like
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: somebody you don't have to take care of. They can
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: take care of themselves. They can stand on their own
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: two feet. They don't need you to mother them or
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: to like do, you know.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: So I have found, Cindy and I have talked about this.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I have found that men want to take, they want
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: to use their money or position to, to manage me,
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: to control me.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Because that works with so many women.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: It works with so many women. Do you guys find
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: that at your age, that the men you meet, if
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: they can't take care of you, if they can't support you,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: if you don't need them, then they're out.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I have ever dated a man
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: who is financially stable enough to take care of me.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to be the sugar mama. That
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: is not a role I am signing up for.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: I've dated both. I've dated very, very successful, but never
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: once was I like, buy me things. I'm not that
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: girl at all.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: No, we're not that girl.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: I would be like, even if they, you know. No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Annalisa, I don't mean buy you things. What I meant
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: was a man who has liquidity. He has money. And
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: so he can take you on, I'm making this up.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: He could take you on a trip to Italy, but
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: that comes with money.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: It's a quid pro quo.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: I don't think I, I just don't think I go
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: for those guys.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't, I don't, you know, but I don't
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: see anything wrong with, with believing that I can have
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: it all. That's not the type of man that I
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: go for. Um, I I'm learning that after divorce, I'm
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: not really sure I know what my type is. So
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: the last guy that I dated for like three months, um,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: our producer, Heather got to meet him once. He didn't,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: he didn't look like my type, did he? Listen, he
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: was a very nice guy.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I remember being like, this. Heather, did you think he
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: was her type?
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: I think that Deanna was too pretty for him.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm going to say.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're so sweet. You're so sweet. He was really nice.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I think I am still trying to figure out what
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: it is that I want, right? Because I think when
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: I met my ex-husband, I was very young. I was
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: right off The Bachelorette. I was a little jaded in life.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I was confused. And I took the first man that
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: paid me a little bit of attention. Now, I need
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: to give him some credit. I believe that we were
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: destined to have children together. Without my children, I could
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: not have done that without him, right? So our souls
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: needed to align to do that. I'm not sure he
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: was my forever man. So I think that I am.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I think that I am still learning what that looks like.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: This guy did not fit my physical type that I
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: typically dated. He was very beefy. He was a big man.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: You're not clear.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: You're not clear what you want.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: No, I am clear what I want.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: What do you want? Emotionally.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Physically, I'm still figuring that out. Sometimes I still teeter
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: back and forth with whether he needs to be tall, dark,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: and handsome or if he should be beefy where he
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: can throw me around a bit. Like that was fun.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: That was kind of fun.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Whoa. This is R-rated, but keep on. Keep talking.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: But there were just some things that didn't align right.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: There were just some things that didn't align right, and
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I was not willing to make excuses at this point
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: in my life.
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: He had kids. Yeah.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Did you?
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: How soon did you introduce kids to each other? I've
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: never introduced a man to my children. Not ever.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Cindy, do you know what you want in a man?
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I feel like I have a pretty clear idea.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Tell me what it is.
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: I think that he has to have a very strong
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: spiritual life. He has to be family oriented, very intelligent,
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: emotionally accessible and intelligent.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Physically fit or be active. You know me.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: I like to do a lot of different things. I'm
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: going all the time. And he has to be kind
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: of a foodie.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I want what she wants.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I want some of that, too.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: A lot of that.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: And he has to be the type of guy who
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: will hold out his hand as I walk down the stairs.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: He has to have a drink.
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: My Tito's Cosmo waiting for me at the bar if
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: I'm meeting him at night.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: That's what I want. Somebody, to your point, that's thoughtful
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: and thinks of me.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: It's so funny because the older I get... The less
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I care about the tall, dark, and handsome. I mean,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I'm almost 5'8, so I'm not dating a guy who's 5'7.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: But the looks, the physicality aren't as important. Fitness, absolutely.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I agree with that. It changes a lot.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it is that important, but there
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: still is an aspect at any age that there has
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: to be physical chemistry.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Agreed.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Very important.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: You go I am willing to step out of what
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I think my box is but there has to be
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: physical chemistry.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: But I also think that's why being set up or
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: meeting people in the wild so to speak is so
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: important when you're not sure about because like the thing
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: with the dating apps is you are looking at people's
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: pictures you could be going a swiping left on your
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: dream personality.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: And like- Just by how they look.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: Just by how they look. And sometimes people take bad pictures,
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: you know, you never know. And so I do prefer
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: trying to meet people just- Through people, out and about.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm just going to say any guy who's holding
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: up a dead fish in a bathroom with a baseball
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: cap on backwards, he's.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Probably not my guy.
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I'm down with a little backwards baseball hat.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's fine.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: That's okay.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I also like fishing.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: With a dead fish in the bathroom with his shirt off.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm not sure why he's in the bathroom with
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the dead fish. I don't know. We could pull up
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Hinge and show you what's available.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: In his bathroom that he's going to expect you to
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: do your makeup in.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: He's trying to equate the size of the fish with
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: another appendage. Oh, my God. That's not it. I absolutely disagree.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Are you serious?
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: I've never heard that.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I absolutely disagree. That's a bigger crock. No, no, no.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: Mostly we do not see, to be fair, we do
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: not see pictures of men holding fish in their bathrooms.
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: It's a collection of what we typically see of men
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: in our age group.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: We pulled it up.
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: We were on a flight and I haven't been back
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: on hinge. I kind of bounce back in every now
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: and then just to kind of see what's out there.
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: And it is just so discouraging. It's why I choose
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: to meet as well.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: People in the wild.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: I also, I think I'm in a weird, I think,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: I think we're similar ages, but I think it's a
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: very hard age to date because I'm 41. I don't
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: think I look 41. I don't act 41. I think
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: probably most men who are dating, uh, who would be
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: in my dating range are dating. They're stopping it at
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: like 39. So they're not even seeing me.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what is your dating age? What's your range?
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: I would say like 37 to 52.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm going to tell you, because you can look
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: it up online, I'm 73. And there isn't one man
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: my age that I've met who I would date because
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: they are used to guys. They do nothing. They used
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: to play tennis. They used to ski. They used to
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: ride bicycles. They do nothing. And the few men that I've,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: this guy that I met that we had such a
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: great connection, he is, I think, five or six years
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: younger than I. He asked me, why are you dating younger?
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Not in a critical sense, just he was curious. And
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I said, because men my age don't have the energy
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: that I have and they don't do the things I
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: want to do. And so men, I literally was talking
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: to a couple of men from Golden Bachelor and they
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: are dating. One is dating a woman 23 years younger.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: One is dating one 18 years younger. And they're like, well,
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: she's not that much younger. And so the relative age difference,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: depending on where you are, is crazy to me. It's crazy.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you something about that guy, Kathy, because
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer that people show us who they are.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I believe he has shown you who he is by
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: just ghosting you. But I think that you need something.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: What is it that you need?
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: You're going to make me cry. I'm a really tough
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: person to date because— I want it all. You know,
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to settle. And this guy was good looking.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: He was athletic, smart, successful. Everything, he loves to travel.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: We even have the same place that we want to
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: see that, you know, our next travel thing. To be ghosted,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I can take it. I'm strong. I want to know why.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Why did you ghost me?
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Tell me.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: Say you were too old. Tell me I met a
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: 42-year-old that I fell in love with. I'm good with that.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I want to know.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: You know what I truly believe?
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: What?
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Is that no answer will give you the closure that
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: you desire.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: No.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: So it doesn't matter. If we were to call him
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: now and he were to answer the phone and he
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: would say, oh, Kathy, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. I
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: just don't have the courage to tell you that it's
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: just not you. That answer still wouldn't be good enough.
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: Yes, it would.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it would. If a man said to me, I
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: don't know. I can't tell you why, but you're not it.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I'd be okay with that.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I think he is telling you that.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: He is. But the closure I need is why.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and we have talked about it.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Because that isn't, you know, they say watch what a
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: man does, not what he says. Everything when we were
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: having those dates was... So amazing.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: It was magical.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: I remember talking to her after. It was magical.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: The conversations.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: So I'm sitting here like, tell me, say, you know,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I got to thinking, you know, you don't need my money.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Whatever I could, any answer he would give me. But
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: to ghost me is so disrespectful.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: It's so cruel.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I have absolutely just let it be known. I have
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: absolute no respect for a person who ghosts someone, who
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: doesn't have the courage to call someone and say, hey, babe,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: it just wasn't you. I wish you well. Oh, I've
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: probably ghosted several people.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Really? Yeah.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I've never done it. Even if it's a simple like, hi.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: Well, we'll have to maybe unpack it in a longer
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: segment because there's a lot to it. Part of it
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: is I don't want to hurt their feelings, that they're
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: a great person, they're just not my person.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: Even that.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: That's a simple, this isn't going to work.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: And that's what I've said. It's okay to say you're
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: not my guy. I think you're a great guy, but
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I'm just not feeling it. That is closure, Cindy.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: But after two dates... Yeah, I think there's a line, right?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Two dates that feels like, hey, it didn't work.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Right?
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: But if you've been in a relationship with someone, it is,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: I think, the slightest bit.
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: Oh, my gosh.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: If you're in a relationship, absolutely. You start sleeping with someone.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: You have to have the respect to call someone and say,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: this isn't for me. This is not working.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: I wish you well, Godspeed.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: But after two dates, that is a little tricky because
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: it is, you know, you don't know. He could be thinking, oh,
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: I just don't need to, I don't owe this explanation.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Because it was only two dates.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: But the conversations weren't of two dates.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: No, and I understand that because I've, I mean, I've
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: had those as well where it's, you've been ghosted and
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: you think, man, we had such a connection. And it's
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: so hard because you just, you want to know, but.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: Well, here's a question for you. What if he is
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: a classic avoidant? Who got hurt in the past and
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: even recently with his relationship so that now he sees
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: something with you.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I think you may be right.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Something big and it scared him off.
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: And so if he comes back to you and says,
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: you know, hey, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: I got to, I don't know. This is going to
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: be another podcast. I don't have the answer for.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Any of this. We don't have enough time today. And
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I have really loved this episode. You know, if it
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: doesn't work out, the four of us can just like
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: be together and we can rent our own house here
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: in Tahoe.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: And we can just be together. Let's go to that
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: dream place for an expectation. I think that. What we
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: need is another podcast and we can just continue. I mean,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Kathy and I have been on this journey together for
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: a time here and here we still sit available.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: But you know what? I believe it can... We can
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: find our people.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I have not lost hope, ladies.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: No, we have not lost hope.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I am an idiot or a
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: hopeless romantic.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: You call it. Hopeful. Hopeful romantic.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: But I believe that there is someone out there. I
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: don't know what it is, if it just hasn't aligned
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: with my life just yet. But I have hope that
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: there is someone really great out there who's going to
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: show up and it's just going to click. I'm too young.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty funny. You're pretty fabulous.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: You too.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: It's got to happen. Look at us.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: It's got to happen.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Don't you think?
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: No, I don't.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: That's why, oh, we're going to end on this. That's
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: why I'm moving to Lake Tahoe because I've heard there's
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: lots of great single guys here. Tonight, I'm, you know what?
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: We got to end this. I got to get dressed
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: so I can. There we go.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Wing women.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Wing women. Wing women. We're going to marry each other off.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not getting married ever again.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: I'm not either.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: So we'll. I would like to.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Well, you would.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: I would. We've got to do it next time. I've
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: got to know why you would ever do it again.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: All right, ladies, this has been fun. I've been Deanna.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: I've been Kathy.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I've been Cindy.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I've been Annalise.