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Making Families Great Again: 3 Steps in the Right Direction · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Today I have a special guest, Mel Tavar.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: She is an award-winning author, speaker, life coach, frequent media guest, and she holds a doctorate of ministry in pastoral care and counseling.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And she has 35 years' experience in working with families professionally and in ministry.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: She and her husband live in Connecticut, and they have seven adult children and 11 grandchildren.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: So she's not only professionally prepared to share with us, she's also personally prepared.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's exciting because I'm announcing today that her new book's coming out called Make Families Great Again.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a great title where we are right now in this nation.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's due to come out February 1st.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So Mel's going to share with us some things about the book and particularly three steps in the right direction for families.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Mel, for coming on.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you for having me.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: It is great to be back.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: I am very um excited about the new book coming out and the content.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, as you said, we're at a place in our nation that has just caused me to become more heavy-hearted than joyful.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um my optimism on the other side of when we take steps and when we see things start to turn around, I'm optimistic we will, and joy will be found there.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, joy comes in the in the morning.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: But right now, my heart is heavy because I, you know, have worked in this uh field for a really long time.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: And as you said, I've got the seven kids and 11 grandchildren.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: I like to say 11 and counting, I always say that.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: But um, the youngest being so the youngest is nine months old and the oldest is 19 years old.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: So we've got a span.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: So now I've got two generations of experience in my own family.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I would, I was hoping that when I started um researching to update some statistics of work that I did during my doctorate work back in 2019, I'll say pre-COVID, um, it it was just at weeks before the pandemic hit.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was hoping that I would find some positive upticks or that maybe, you know, there had been some regression during the pandemic, and now things were turning around five years out, and that is not the case.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so my heart is heavy, but I feel like I have to sound the trumpet and say, listen, there is um a real crisis going on within families, and I don't feel the parents that I talk to, and I'm talking like solid Christian parents that have the best intention for their kids, as well as those that may um just have good morals and values and and just want to do the right thing and do right by their families, and let, and yet we're seeing a decline, and that's hard.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to help.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so that's what I want to do.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: So for today, I'll say there are three steps that you, a parent, can take in the right, or a grandparent.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Can I add that in?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of grandparents who are caregivers, either part-time or full-time now.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: So for the parents and the grandparents out there, there are three steps that we can take in the right direction.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, when we look in the family unit itself, inside the home, one of the things that's happening is that um because of the need for many times both parents to be working, and because there are many single-parent homes right now, uh, there is a thought that the quality of time that we give a child is equal to quantity, and that is not accurate.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: So somehow trying to find a way to carve more time out with each child is so important.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think I read a statistic the other day, and don't quote me on it because I'm just researching again right now.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: But I think I read that it's less than seven minutes a day that a parent has interaction with a child, which means if you're you know, the kid is getting off the school bus or you're picking them up from school or whatever, you've got maybe six, seven hours before they go to bed.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And out of that, they're only getting like seven minutes of interaction.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: And you might think, how is that possible?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because everybody's on their phones, parents are running around trying to do the housework, cook the dinner, do all the stuff, trying to deal with the younger kids while the older ones are doing whatever.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And family dinner time has become a thing of the past.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: I read a statistic that says millennials are really not interested in uh sitting down to a family dinner.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: They it does it's not that important to them.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I can't, I don't have time to go into it on this podcast, but there is a lot of scientific evidence that shows the need for kids to sit together as a household with the family and have dinner.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: That would certainly provide more than seven minutes right there.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so there's that.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: So spending more quality and quantity time, increasing the quantity of time.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Anything beyond seven minutes, ladies and gentlemen, and you are doing way better than statistics.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: The second thing is, I would say, um, you know, I'm looking at what's going on in the schools.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all see that headlining, and I'm not just talking about school violence, but the education system, the demise of academics, the whole thing.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: And my my urgency is to say to you, um, be involved.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Know what's going on, what is your child learning?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And do you know, parents and grandparents, what a child should be learning at that grade level?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And if they're not learning it, if they don't know how to do a certain thing that should be standard grade level, um, what can you do to actively help bring them up, working with the teachers and everybody, knowing what's being taught in the classrooms or not being taught?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why are they below grade level if they are?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: If they're not, um are they do they know the U.S.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: history?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of schools aren't even teaching that anymore.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Do they understand the foundations um of the country?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: So be involved.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to be involved.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Again, that takes time.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know we're so stretched for time, especially um if there's two parents having to work, it's really hard.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: But we have to prioritize that we stay involved and connected with the teachers, looking at the kids' schoolwork, looking at their books, and being aware.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: We have to.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Or someday we wake up and we realize wait a minute, they're like in 10th grade and don't know how to read and write the way that everybody else should.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: So we have to do it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third thing I'll say is the internet.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a mantra of mine, right?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's getting worse by the day.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have to take, here's the word again, time to monitor what kids are doing on the internet.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I do mean all ages.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Average teenagers and younger kids too are spending about six hours a day on the internet.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: That means that after they're out of school, until they go to bed, or maybe even after they go to bed and you think they're asleep, they're still on the internet.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: What are they doing?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: What are they watching?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: What kind of influence is going into their mind?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: What's shaping their um their whole persona and their value system?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Are you shaping it or is somebody on the internet shaping it?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: What are they viewing?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: What are they watching?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Again, so those are my three tips.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: I would say one, we have to spend quality and quantity time in the home chatting back and forth with people.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: We have to spend the time to be involved in their academics.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: These are our children given to us by God.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: We have to do it.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third thing is by the same token, we have to monitor what is going on in their internet world.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's here to stay, they're not going to be off it.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: So our job is to be on it with them and monitor and know exactly what they're watching and not watching and who they're interacting with and who they're not.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I pray that that blesses you.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I just wanted to give you some food for thought.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot more content coming in the book, but I just wanted to um say these are the three things.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: If you do nothing else, try to focus on that.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I know it's hard, but we got to do it.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: So God bless you.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Those are great points, Mel.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, even the it's such a different world, even when my daughter was growing up, because we had family dinner together.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, and also as an educator, I mean, I see what's happening in the schools, you know, and it's just some parents are waking up because they need to stand up against some of this.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: But you're right.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Parents need to know what their children need to know.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I think sometimes they just turn it over to the schools and think that's happening.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it was in the past, but you're right.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: They really need to keep up on that.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, of course, the internet's a whole other thing.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just it's really challenging for parents today, like you say.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Very, very challenging.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, we sure need God to help as parents and grandparents.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um well, thank you so much for being on today, and uh, thank you for your words of wisdom.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we're looking forward to when your book comes out.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh thank you.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 10:38
  unknown: Uh