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039 - Ch 39 - Making Friends · North and South (version 2)

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Speaker 1: Chapter thirty nine of North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell.
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Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Read by Marianne,
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Speaker 1: chapter thirty nine, Making Friends, Nay, I have done, you
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Speaker 1: get no more of me, And I am glad, yea
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Speaker 1: glad with all my heart that thus so clearly I
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Speaker 1: myself am free Drayton. Margaret shut herself up in her
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Speaker 1: own room after she had quitted Missus Thornton. She began
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Speaker 1: to walk backwards and forwards in her old habitual way
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Speaker 1: of showing agitation. But then, remembering that in that slightly
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Speaker 1: built house every step was heard from one room to another,
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Speaker 1: she sat down until she heard Missus Thornton go safely
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Speaker 1: out of the house. She forced herself to recollect all
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Speaker 1: the conversation that had passed between them. Speech by speech,
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Speaker 1: she compelled her memory to go through with it. At
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Speaker 1: the end, she rose up and said to herself in
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Speaker 1: a melancholy tone, at any rate, her words do not
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Speaker 1: touch me. They fall off from me, for I am
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Speaker 1: innocent of all the motives she attributes to me. But
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Speaker 1: still it is hard to think that any one, any woman,
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Speaker 1: can believe all this of another so easily. It is
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Speaker 1: hard and sad where I have done wrong. She does
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Speaker 1: not accuse me. She does not know. He never told her.
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Speaker 1: I might have known, he would not. She lifted up
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Speaker 1: her head as if she took pride in any delicacy
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Speaker 1: of feeling which mister Thornton had shown. Then, as a
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Speaker 1: new thought came across her, she pressed her hands tightly together.
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Speaker 1: He too, must take poor Frederick for some lover, she
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Speaker 1: blushed as the word passed through her mind. I see
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Speaker 1: it now. It is not merely that he knows of
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Speaker 1: my falsehood, but he believes that some one else cares
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Speaker 1: for me, and that I Oh dear, Oh dear, what
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Speaker 1: shall I do? What do I mean? Why do I
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Speaker 1: care what he thinks? Beyond the mere loss of his
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Speaker 1: good opinion? As regards to my telling the truth or not,
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Speaker 1: I cannot tell. But I am very miserable. Oh how
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Speaker 1: unhappy this last year has been. I have passed out
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Speaker 1: of childhood into old age. I have had no youth,
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Speaker 1: no womanhood. The hopes of womanhood have closed for me,
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Speaker 1: for I shall never marry, and I anticipate cares and
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Speaker 1: sorrows just as if I were an old woman, and
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Speaker 1: with the same fearful spirit. I am weary of this
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Speaker 1: continual call upon me for strength. I could bear up
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Speaker 1: for Papa, because that is a natural, pious duty, and
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Speaker 1: I think I could bear up against at any rate.
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Speaker 1: I could have the energy to resent Missus Thornton's unjust,
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Speaker 1: impertinent suspicions. But it is hard to feel how completely
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Speaker 1: he must misunderstand me. What has happened to make me
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Speaker 1: so morbid to day? I do not know. I only
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Speaker 1: know I cannot help it. I must give way. Sometimes.
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Speaker 1: No I will not, though said she springing to her feet.
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Speaker 1: I will not. I will not think of myself and
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Speaker 1: my own position. I won't examine into my own feelings.
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Speaker 1: It would be of no use. Now. Some time, if
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Speaker 1: I live to be an old woman, I may sit
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Speaker 1: over the fire, and, looking into the embers, see the
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Speaker 1: life that might have been. All this time she was
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Speaker 1: hastily putting on her things to go out, only stopping
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Speaker 1: from time to time to wipe her eyes with an
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Speaker 1: impatience of gesture at the tears that would come in
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Speaker 1: spite of all her bravery. I dare say there's many
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Speaker 1: a woman makes as sad a mistake as I have done,
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Speaker 1: and only finds it out too late, and how proudly
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Speaker 1: and impertinently I spoke to him that day. But I
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Speaker 1: did not know then. It has come upon me little
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Speaker 1: by little, and I don't know where it began. Now
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Speaker 1: I won't give way. I shall find it difficult to
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Speaker 1: behave in the same way to him with this miserable
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Speaker 1: consciousness upon me. But I will be very calm and
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Speaker 1: very quiet, and say very little. But to be sure
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Speaker 1: I may not see him he keeps out of our way.
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Speaker 1: Evidently that would be worse than all. And yet no
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Speaker 1: wonder that he avoids me, believing what he must about me.
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Speaker 1: She went out, going rapidly towards the country and trying
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Speaker 1: to drown reflections by swiftness of motion as she stood
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Speaker 1: on the doorstep. At her return, her father came up.
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Speaker 1: Good girl, said he you've been to missus Boucher's. I
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Speaker 1: was just meaning to go there if I had time
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Speaker 1: before dinner. No, Papa, I have not, said Margaret Reddening.
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Speaker 1: I never thought about her. But I will go directly
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Speaker 1: after dinner. I will go while you are taking your nap. Accordingly,
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Speaker 1: Margaret went. Missus Boucher was very ill, really ill, not
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Speaker 1: merely ailing the kind and sensible neighbor who had come
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Speaker 1: in the other day, seemed to have taken charge of everything.
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Speaker 1: Some of the children were gone to the neighbors. Mary
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Speaker 1: Higgins had come for the three youngest at dinner time,
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Speaker 1: and since then Nicholas had gone for the doctor. He
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Speaker 1: had not come as yet missus Boucher was dying, and
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Speaker 1: there was nothing to do but to wait. Margaret thought
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Speaker 1: that she should like to know his opinion, and that
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Speaker 1: she could not do better than go and see the Higginses.
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Speaker 1: In the meantime she might then possibly hear whether Nicholas
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Speaker 1: had been able to make his application to mister Thornton.
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Speaker 1: She found Nicholas busily engaged in making a penny spin
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Speaker 1: on the dresser for the amusement of the three children,
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Speaker 1: who were clinging to him in a fearless manner. He
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Speaker 1: as well as they, were smiling at a good long spin,
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Speaker 1: and Margaret thought that the happy look of interest in
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Speaker 1: his occupation was a good sign. When the penny stopped spinning,
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Speaker 1: lile Johnny began to cry. Come to me, said Margaret,
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Speaker 1: taking him off the dresser and holding him in her arms.
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Speaker 1: She held her watch to his ear while she asked
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Speaker 1: Nicholas if he had seen mister Thornton. The look on
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Speaker 1: his face changed instantly, Aye said he I've seen and
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Speaker 1: heard too much on him. He refused you, then, said
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Speaker 1: Margaret sorrowfully. To be sure. I knew he'd do it
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Speaker 1: all along. It's no good expecting Marcy at the hands
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Speaker 1: of them measters. You're a stranger and a foreigner and
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Speaker 1: aren't like to know their ways. But I knowed it.
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Speaker 1: I am sorry, I asked you. Was he angry? He
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Speaker 1: did not speak to you as Hamper did, did he?
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Speaker 1: He weren't er civil, said Nicholas, spinning the penny again,
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Speaker 1: as much for his own amusement as for that of
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Speaker 1: the children. Never, Yo, fret, I'm only where I was.
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Speaker 1: I'll go on tramp tomorrow. I gave him as good
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Speaker 1: as I got. I telled him that i'd not that
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Speaker 1: good opinion on him, that i'd ha come a second time, O,
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Speaker 1: my cell, But Yo'd advised me for to come, and
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Speaker 1: I were behold unto Yo, you told him I sent you.
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Speaker 1: I dunno if I cared Yo by yer name. I
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Speaker 1: dunnot think I did. I said, A woman who knew
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Speaker 1: no better had advised me for to come and see
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Speaker 1: if there was a soft place in his heart, and
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Speaker 1: he asked. Margaret said, I were to tell yo to
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Speaker 1: mind yer own business. That's the longest spin yet my lads,
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Speaker 1: and them's civil words to what he used to me.
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Speaker 1: But ne'er mind. We're but where we was, and I'll
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Speaker 1: break stones of the road afore I let these little LUNs. Clem.
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Speaker 1: Margaret put the struggling Johnny out of her arms, back
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Speaker 1: into his former place on the dresser. I am sorry,
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Speaker 1: I asked you to go to mister Thornton's. I am
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Speaker 1: disappointed in him. There was a slight noise behind her.
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Speaker 1: Both she and Nicholas turned round at the same moment,
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Speaker 1: and there stood mister Thornton, with a look of displeased
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Speaker 1: surprise upon his face. Obeying her swift impulse, Margaret passed
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Speaker 1: out before him, not saying a word, only bowing low
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Speaker 1: to hide the sudden paleness that she felt had come
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Speaker 1: over her face. He bent equally low in return, and
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Speaker 1: then closed the door after her. As she hurried to
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Speaker 1: missus Boucher's, she heard the clang, and it seemed to
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Speaker 1: fill up the measure of her mortification. He too, was
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Speaker 1: annoyed to find her there. He had tenderness in his heart,
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Speaker 1: a soft place, as Nicholas Higgins called it, but he
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Speaker 1: had some pride in concealing it. He kept it very
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Speaker 1: sacred and safe, and was jealous of every circumstance that
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Speaker 1: tried to gain admission. But if he dreaded exposure of
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Speaker 1: his tenderness, he was equally desirous that all men should
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Speaker 1: recognize his justice. And he felt that he had been
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Speaker 1: unjust in giving so scornful a hearing to any one
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Speaker 1: who had waited with humble patience for five hours to
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Speaker 1: speak to him. That the man had spoken saucily to
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Speaker 1: him when he had the opportunity was nothing to mister Thornton.
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Speaker 1: He rather liked him for it, and he was conscious
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Speaker 1: of his own irritability of temper at the time, which
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Speaker 1: probably made them both quits. It was the five hours
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Speaker 1: of waiting that struck mister Thornton. He had not five
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Speaker 1: hours to spare himself, but one hour two hours of
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Speaker 1: his hard, penetrating intellectual as well as bodily labor did
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Speaker 1: he give up to going about collecting evidence as to
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Speaker 1: the truth of Higgins's story, the nature of his character,
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Speaker 1: the tenor of his life. He tried not to be,
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Speaker 1: but was convinced that all that Higgins had said was true.
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Speaker 1: And then the conviction went in, as if by some spell,
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Speaker 1: and touched the latent tenderness of his heart, the patience
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Speaker 1: of the man, the simple generosity of the motive. For
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Speaker 1: he had learnt about the quarrel between Boucher and Higgins
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Speaker 1: made him forget entirely the mere reasonings of justice and
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Speaker 1: overleap them by a diviner instinct. He came to tell
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Speaker 1: Higgins he would give him work, and he was more
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Speaker 1: annoyed to find Margaret there than by hearing her last words,
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Speaker 1: for then he understood that she was the woman who
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Speaker 1: had urged Higgins to come to him, and he dreaded
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Speaker 1: the admission of any thought of her as a motive
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Speaker 1: to what he was doing, solely because it was right.
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Speaker 1: So that was the lady you spoke of as a woman,
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Speaker 1: he said indignantly to Higgins. You might have told me
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Speaker 1: who she was, and then maybe yo'd ha spoken of
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Speaker 1: her more civil than YO did. Yo'd getten a mother
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Speaker 1: who might have kept your tongue in check when you
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Speaker 1: were talkin O woman being at the root all the plagues.
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Speaker 1: Of course, you told that to miss Hale. Of course
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Speaker 1: I did leastways I reckon I did. I telled her
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Speaker 1: she weren't to meddle again in aught that concerned YO,
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Speaker 1: Whose children are those yours? Mister Thornton had a pretty
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Speaker 1: good notion whose they were from what he had heard,
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Speaker 1: but he felt awkward in turning the conversation round from
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Speaker 1: this unpromising beginning. They're not mine, and they are mine.
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Speaker 1: They are the children you spoke of to me this morning,
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Speaker 1: when yo, said, replied Higgins, turning round with ill smothered fierceness,
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Speaker 1: that my story might be true or might not. Bert
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Speaker 1: were a very unlikely one measter I've not forgotten. Mister
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Speaker 1: Thornton was silent for a moment. Then he said, no
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Speaker 1: more have I I remember what I said. I spoke
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Speaker 1: to you about those children in a way I had
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Speaker 1: no business to do. I did not believe you. I
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Speaker 1: could not have taken care of another man's children myself
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Speaker 1: if he acted toward me as I hear Boucher did
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Speaker 1: towards you. But I know now that you spoke the truth.
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Speaker 1: I beg your pardon. Higgins did not turn round or
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Speaker 1: immediately respond to this, but when he did speak It
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Speaker 1: was in a softened tone, although the words were gruff enough.
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Speaker 1: You've no business to go prying into what happened between
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Speaker 1: Boucher and me. He's dead and I am sorry. That's enough,
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Speaker 1: so it is. Will you take work with me? That's
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Speaker 1: what I came to ask. Higgins obstinacy wavered, recovered strength
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Speaker 1: and stood firm. He would not speak. Mister Thornton would
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Speaker 1: not ask again. Higgins's eye fell on the children. You've
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Speaker 1: called me impudent and a liar and a mischief maker,
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Speaker 1: and YO might hastay wi some truth as I were
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Speaker 1: now and then given to drink, and I ha called
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Speaker 1: you a tryrant and an old bull dog and a
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Speaker 1: hard cruel o master. That's where it stands. But for
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Speaker 1: the childer measter d YO think we can er get
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Speaker 1: on together? Well, said mister Thornton, half laughing. It was
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Speaker 1: not my proposal that we should go together. But there's
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Speaker 1: one comfort on your own showing we neither of us
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Speaker 1: can think much worse of the other than we do.
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Speaker 1: Now that's true, said Higgins reflectively. I've been thinkin ever
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Speaker 1: sin I saw you what a marcy it were, yo?
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Speaker 1: Did nay take me on for that? I ne'er saw
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Speaker 1: a man whom I could less abide, But that's maybe
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Speaker 1: been a hasty judgment. And work's work to such as me.
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Speaker 1: So measter, I'll come, and what's more, I thank you.
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Speaker 1: And that's a deal from me, he said more frankly,
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Speaker 1: suddenly turning round and facing mister Thornton fully for the
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Speaker 1: first time. And this is a deal from me, said
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Speaker 1: mister Thornton, giving Higgins's hand a good grip. Now mind
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Speaker 1: you come sharp to your time, continued he resuming the master.
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Speaker 1: I'll have no laggards at my mill. What fines we have,
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Speaker 1: we keep pretty sharply. And the first time I catch
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Speaker 1: you making mischief, off you go. So now you know
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Speaker 1: where you are. Yo spoke of my wisdom this morning.
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Speaker 1: I reckon I may bring it with me, or would
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Speaker 1: YO rather have me bout my brains, boucher brains if
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Speaker 1: you use them for meddling with my business, with your brains,
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Speaker 1: if you can keep them to your own, I shall
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Speaker 1: need a deal of brains to settle where my business
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Speaker 1: ends and yours begins. Your business has not begun yet,
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Speaker 1: and mine stands still for me, So good afternoon. Just
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Speaker 1: before mister Thornton came up to missus Boucher's door. Margaret
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Speaker 1: came out of it. She did not see him, and
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Speaker 1: he followed her for several yards, admiring her light and
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Speaker 1: easy walk, and her tall and graceful figure. But suddenly
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Speaker 1: this simple emotion of pleasure was tainted, poisoned by jealousy.
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Speaker 1: He wished to overtake her and speak to her, to
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Speaker 1: see how she would receive him. Now she must know
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Speaker 1: he was aware of some other attachment he wished too.
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Speaker 1: But of this wish he was rather ashamed that she
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Speaker 1: should know that he had justified her wisdom in sending
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Speaker 1: Higgins to him to ask for work, and had repented
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Speaker 1: him of this morning's decision. He came up to her.
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Speaker 1: She started, allow me to say, miss Hale, that you
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Speaker 1: were rather premature in expressing your disappointment. I have taken
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Speaker 1: Higgins on. I am glad of it, said she coldly.
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Speaker 1: He tells me he repeated to you what I said
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Speaker 1: this morning about mister Thornton. Hesitated, Margaret took it up
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Speaker 1: about women not meddling. You had a perfect right to
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Speaker 1: express your opinion, which is a very correct one, I
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Speaker 1: have no doubt. But she went on a little more eagerly.
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Speaker 1: Higgins did not tell you quite the exact truth. The
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Speaker 1: word truth reminded her of her own untruth, and she
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Speaker 1: stopped short, feeling exceedingly uncomfortable. Mister Thornton at first was
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Speaker 1: puzzled to account for her silence, and then he remembered
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Speaker 1: the lie she had told, and all that was foregone
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Speaker 1: the exact truth, said he. Very few people do speak
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Speaker 1: the exact truth. I have given up hoping for it,
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Speaker 1: Miss Hale. Have you no explanation to give me? You
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Speaker 1: must perceive what I cannot but think. Margaret was silent.
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Speaker 1: She was wondering whether an explanation of any kind would
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Speaker 1: be consistent with her loyalty to Frederick Nay said he,
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Speaker 1: I will ask no farther. I may be putting temptation
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Speaker 1: in your way at present. Believe me, your secret is
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Speaker 1: safe with me, but you run great risks. Allow me
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Speaker 1: to say, in being so indiscreet, I am now only
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Speaker 1: speaking as a friend of your father's. If I had
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Speaker 1: any other thought or hope, of course, that is at
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Speaker 1: an end. I am quite disinterested. I am aware of that,
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Speaker 1: said Margaret, forcing herself to speak in an indifferent, careless way.
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Speaker 1: I am aware of what I must appear to you,
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Speaker 1: but the secret is another person's and I cannot explain
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Speaker 1: it without doing him harm. I have not the slightest
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Speaker 1: wish to pry into the gentleman's secrets, he said, with
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Speaker 1: growing anger. My own interest in you is simply that
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Speaker 1: of a friend. You may not believe me, Miss Hale,
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Speaker 1: but it is in spite of the persecution. I'm afraid
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Speaker 1: I threatened you with at one time, but that is
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Speaker 1: all given up, all passed away. You believe me, Miss Hale, Yes,
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Speaker 1: said Margaret, quietly and sadly. Then really, I don't see
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Speaker 1: any occasion for us to go on walking together. I
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Speaker 1: thought perhaps you might have had something to say, but
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Speaker 1: I see that we are nothing to each other. If
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Speaker 1: you are quite convinced that any foolish passion on my
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Speaker 1: part is entirely over, I will wish you a good afternoon.
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Speaker 1: He walked off very hastily. What can he mean, thought
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Speaker 1: Mark Margaret. What could he mean by speaking so as
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Speaker 1: if I were always thinking that he cared for me
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Speaker 1: when I know he does not. He cannot. His mother
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Speaker 1: will have said all those cruel things about me to him,
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Speaker 1: But I won't care for him. I surely am mistress
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Speaker 1: enough of my own to control this wild, strange, miserable
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Speaker 1: feeling which tempted me even to betray my own dear Frederick,
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Speaker 1: so that I might regain his good opinion, the good
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Speaker 1: opinion of a man who takes such pains to tell
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Speaker 1: me that I am nothing to him. Come, poor little heart,
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Speaker 1: be cheery and brave. Will be a good deal to
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Speaker 1: one another if we are thrown off and left desolate.
19:46
Speaker 1: Her father was almost startled by her merriment this afternoon.
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Speaker 1: She talked incessantly and forced her natural humor to an
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Speaker 1: unusual pitch. And if there was a tinge of bitterness
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Speaker 1: in much of what she said, if her accounts of
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Speaker 1: the old Harley Stree were a little sarcastic, her father
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Speaker 1: could not bear to check her, as he would have
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Speaker 1: done at another time, for he was glad to see
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Speaker 1: her shake off her cares. In the middle of the evening,
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Speaker 1: she was called down to speak to Mary Higgins, and
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Speaker 1: when she came back, mister Hale imagined that he saw
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Speaker 1: traces of tears on her cheeks, but that could not be,
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Speaker 1: for she brought good news that Higgins had got work
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Speaker 1: at mister Thornton's mill. Her spirits were damped at any rate,
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Speaker 1: and she found it very difficult to go on talking
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Speaker 1: at all, much more in the wild way that she
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Speaker 1: had done. For some days. Her spirits varied strangely, and
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Speaker 1: her father was beginning to be anxious about her, when
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Speaker 1: news arrived from one or two quarters that promised some
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Speaker 1: change and variety for her. Mister Hale received a letter
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Speaker 1: from mister Bell in which that gentleman volunteered a visit
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Speaker 1: to them, and mister Hale imagined that the promised society
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Speaker 1: of his old Oxford friend would give as agreeable a
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Speaker 1: turn to Margaret's ideas as it did to his own.
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Speaker 1: Margaret tried to take an interest in what pleased her father,
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Speaker 1: but she was too languid to care about any mister Bell,
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Speaker 1: even though he were twenty times her godfather. She was
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Speaker 1: more roused by a letter from Edith, full of sympathy
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Speaker 1: about her aunt's death, full of details about herself, her
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Speaker 1: husband and child, and at the end saying that as
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Speaker 1: the climate did not suit the baby, and as missus
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Speaker 1: Shaw was talking of returning to England, she thought it
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Speaker 1: probable that Captain Lennox might sell out and that they
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Speaker 1: might all go and live again in the old Harley
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Speaker 1: Street house, which however, would seem very incomplete without Margaret.
21:40
Speaker 1: Margaret yearned after that old house and the placid tranquility
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Speaker 1: of that old, well ordered, monotonous life. She had found
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Speaker 1: it occasionally tiresome while it lasted, but since then she
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Speaker 1: had been buffeted about and felt so exhausted by this
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Speaker 1: recent struggle with herself that she thought that even stagnation
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Speaker 1: would be a rest and a refreshment. So she began
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Speaker 1: to look towards a long visit to the Lennoxes on
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Speaker 1: their return to England, as to a point no, not
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Speaker 1: of hope, but of leisure in which she could regain
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Speaker 1: her power and command over herself. At present, it seemed
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Speaker 1: to her as if all subjects tended towards mister Thornton,
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Speaker 1: as if she could not forget him with all her endeavors.
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Speaker 1: If she went to see the Higginses, she heard of
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Speaker 1: him there. Her father had resumed their readings together and
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Speaker 1: quoted his opinions perpetually. Even mister Bell's visit brought his
22:37
Speaker 1: tenant's name upon the tapis, for he wrote word that
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Speaker 1: he believed he must be occupied some great part of
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Speaker 1: his time with mister Thornton, as a new lease was
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Speaker 1: in preparation, and the terms of it must be agreed upon.
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Speaker 1: End of Chapter thirty nine