Latest / How To Talk To Humans / "Choosing The Perfect Gift" Holiday Special! #97

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"Choosing The Perfect Gift" Holiday Special! #97 · How To Talk To Humans

• 0:03
  Hi, this is Larry Wilson, and this is how to Talk to Humans. This is the podcast that shows you how to improve your communication skills. Are you looking to get a better job? Are you looking to find a relationship? Are you trying to do things in your life that have frustrated you and eluded you so far? I can show you so easily how to change that. Now, I can only do it with humans. If you're looking to deal with vampires or zombies, extraterrestrials, this is not the show for you. But if you're really looking to improve your communication skills, I can show you what I've learned from 40 years in show business working with the biggest celebrities.
• 0:47
  And superstars in the world.
• 0:49
  And their secrets are unbelievable.
• 0:54
  What I'm going to be teaching you.
• 0:56
  During this course of this podcast every week are tools that you can use to communicate toward success.
• 1:08
  Hi, this is Larry Wilson. We're here once again on how to talk to Humans. I'm so pleased that you decided to join me again. And now I can't control when these episodes are released. I suppose someone could, but I can't. And I'm hoping that someone had the presence of mind to maybe drop this sometime around one of the holidays. Maybe it's Mother's Day, maybe it's Christmas, maybe it's Thanksgiving, I don't know. Sometime around that time. And it's of particular interest to me because I think, as you know, that everything worth having involves communication.
• 1:55
  It starts with communication. Now, it's very easy to be dismissive of that and say, well, yeah, but not really important things. Well, let's talk about something that's very important that frequently revolves around holidays, which is gift giving. As a kid, I remember that I could never understand why this was a staple of standup comedy and sitcoms. That was such a stressful, anxiety producing experience to have to choose a gift for anything. As a kid, I think I was delighted with any gift anybody gave me.
• 2:34
  I. I don't have a memory of anyone ever giving me a gift and me being disappointed, saying, ugh, that, you know, to me, I think the whole experience was always fantastic. But clearly, as I grew up, I began to see there were inherent pitfalls in choosing gifts. And if it's for business, it's one kind of gift. If it's for personal, for family or significant other, it's entirely different gift.
• 3:13
  Those of you who are, as they say, of an age may recall a television commercial that seared itself into my brain years ago.
• 3:23
  I've never forgotten it. It still makes me angry.
• 3:27
  Just thinking about it now, I was going to tell you the actual name of the product, but I thought I might be subject to litigation, so I won't. But if I tell you what the commercial is, those of you who remember will know exactly what I'm talking about. It was for a very exp. Upscale watch. And I think. I think they were just designed for women. I think the line of watches was just designed for women. And it was very elegant and had diamonds on it and all kinds of things like this. And the commercial that always ran every December, a couple weeks before Christmas, was a couple in a sort of moonlit scenario on their balcony overlooking the city.
• 4:29
  And the man pulled out some small, beautifully wrapped present. The woman's eyes lit up, she was so excited. And she opened it and then had a momentary flicker across her face of disappointment. And the man said, what is it? And she said, oh, oh, it's beautiful. But I was hoping for. And then she would name this fancy line of women's watches. And I remember even as a kid, it outraged me. I thought, this man went to the trouble of buying you an expensive watch as a gift and you have the bad manners to say, oh, I was hoping for this other brand. Oh my. Even as I'm telling you about it now, I can feel my blood pressure rising because I would think all kinds of terrible things if someone had ever done that with me.
• 5:42
  And I thought, well, the non discursive message, of course, of this lovely ad was, oh, you can buy your wife anything you want, but if you don't get her one of our watches, you're scum.
• 5:56
  You're a horrible, wretched excuse for a person. And I thought, what a terrible thing to lay on people. The holidays are already tough enough for people.
• 6:08
  They're already broadcasting a message that we should all be with loved ones. We should all be safe and secure and ensconced in our warm homes, which would be lovely, but it's not always possible for everyone. So it's already a very stressful time now to add to this. These people basically want to hold you hostage and just say, well, yeah, you can get her whatever you want, but if you don't get her this watch, you're just a horrible, horrible human being. And it's never left me. Now, in the course of my crazy, crazy life and my world travels, I learned a couple of very interesting things, one of which I'm going to share with you right now.
• 7:05
  And that is the secret to choosing the perfect gift. It doesn't matter whether it's for a man or a woman or a child. Whether it's for a spouse, doesn't matter. If it's for your boss for a co worker. Now, I'm sure there's some of you are thinking, well, of sure, Larry, if I want to spend a lot of money. No, you don't have to spend a lot of money.
• 7:35
  You can if you want, but it's not beholden on you. It's not about the cost of the gift. It's a very, very simple technique and you may not be surprised at all to learn that it's rooted in very basic Wilson method technique.
• 7:59
  I always talk about the importance of active listening.
• 8:06
  Some people think this just means keeping their mouth shut. That's not what I mean. Some people think it just means passively listening to whatever is being said. No, the reason I call it active listening is because it is not passive. It is listening to the other person and processing what they're saying.
• 8:33
  What does it mean? What does it mean to the person who's speaking? What images does it conjure in their mind? How does it make them feel?
• 8:45
  What value do they place on it? These are all things.
• 8:48
  And that way when you respond to them, if they've asked you a question or if you're just commenting on something they've said, your response very clearly demonstrates that you see them and hear them. I've given a number of different examples here and on this podcast of my experience of seeing this. And it's so simple to do. There's not like there's anyone who can't do it. You can do it easily, but you have to practice doing it. You can't just think, oh, I hear what he's saying.
• 9:35
  Fine, I'll keep that in mind. It'll be very hard to do. You have to do it all the time. And when you're too tired, then stop doing it. But if you try to do a little bit every day, you'll find it isn't really difficult.
• 9:51
  It just requires your intention to actually listen actively.
• 10:02
  And when you do, then you'll find it is child's play for you to select the perfect gift for someone. Because the perfect gift is not about the amount of money spent, or what's in fashion or what their friends think you should get, or what their friends think all the cool people are getting as gifts.
• 10:33
  All of those are irrelevant. The perfect gift is the gift that communicates semiotically without speaking. It communicates instantly that you see and hear the recipient. It may be very inexpensive. It may be very simple.
• 11:03
  Maybe very common. But if you will try this experiment, you will be astonished at how successful it is and at the reaction it gets from the person you're giving the gift to. On more than one occasion, I've heard the person not saying to me, but saying to someone else, wow.
• 11:32
  He remembered that I said such and such to somebody at some other time. I remember a young girl who was a friend of our families, and we had gotten her something that was not expensive.
• 11:49
  That was fairly common, I think. But it indicated that even though we were adults, we were actually listening to her when she talked. We actually heard what was important to her. And now maybe this sounds like you think, well, of course.
• 12:08
  Well, it's easy to say of course. But a lot of times adults have a tendency to gloss over what children are saying. Maybe they think it can't be that important. They're just children. Or maybe they think, oh, these kids don't really even care one way or the other. I guarantee you they care. It doesn't matter. Whether you think a Beanie Baby or some such toy is valuable, is useful, is important, doesn't matter. The point is, if you're giving someone a gift, what you're really giving them.
• 12:51
  And this is why I say it's semiotic, because you don't need to use any words.
• 12:58
  The act of giving a gift is saying, I value you. Now you'll see. Frequently, I'm not sure if this is still done. I always like to think it isn't, but perhaps it is. Sometimes there are men who think that the way to do this is by buying women very expensive gifts. Sometimes crazy, illogical, irresponsible gifts that you can't really use.
• 13:34
  But the idea is to show how much money I spent on you. And I'm always surprised to see this, because I think that the women who I care for, the women who I respect, the women I like, they might be offended by this.
• 13:54
  They would much rather receive a gift that shows I'm listening. I suspect men feel the same way about the women who are in their lives, their children.
• 14:11
  I know that employees feel this with each other, with their bosses. I remember one show I had produced, and I purchased something, a very inexpensive sort of paper toy for one of the people in the cast. But this cast member had mentioned when she was talking to someone else that it was something she had as a child but had never seen ever again.
• 14:45
  And I happened to find it someplace. I think maybe it cost a dollar, maybe two dollars. It was nothing. This woman looked at me as if I had stepped down from Mount Olympus and handed her some of my lightning bolts that I carried under my arm. And I wasn't trying to do anything except make her feel that as one of my valued employees in this production, I heard her, I saw her, I valued her. This is the sort of thing that anyone can do. You can see that you don't have to be a millionaire.
• 15:36
  You don't have to speak a foreign language. You don't have to have exquisite taste. You just have to listen to the person and see what they're really trying to communicate to you.
• 15:55
  Now, again, at the risk of overstating this, a lot of times people want to buy gifts for other people based on what they themselves think is a really good gift. Well, it's a nice idea, It's a nice sentiment, but it won't land with the same impact, because what you value, what you think is important, may not be important to the recipient of the gift at all.
• 16:28
  Sometimes people feel like they don't have the time to invest in this sort of thought. Well, if you don't, I guess you don't. But if you really want to make an impact on someone, if you want someone to have a special feeling about you, this is the way to do it. I've seen it done again and again, and it never fails. And I leave you with that thought as your gift from me today. I'll be back next week with another episode of how to Talk to Humans.
• 17:12
  This has been Larry Wilson. I want to thank you for spending this time with me, and I hope.
• 17:18
  You found this information useful.
• 17:21
  If you're looking for more, you can find it@thewilsonmethod.com There's a ton of stuff there. In fact, if you want, you can even speak to me because I'm human. Send me an email@infowilsonmethod.com because I read every single one. I hope that you'll join us next week in this continuing journey and you'll be with me for the next episode of how to Talk to Humans.