Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What Do Narcissists REALLY Think About Themselves?

Transcript

What Do Narcissists REALLY Think About Themselves? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do narcissists really feel about themselves?
• 0:03
  But how do we feel about ourselves?
• 0:05
  Because I'm a diagnosed narcissist, so I can give you
• 0:08
  the internal look at the mind of a narcissist and how we think
• 0:12
  and how we act and all that other good stuff, right?
• 0:15
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:17
  Like, how do narcissists really feel about themselves?
• 0:19
  Because you get a lot of conflicting ideas, a lot of
• 0:22
  conflicting thoughts, a lot of conflicting comments in the
• 0:26
  comments section when you're when we're talking about
• 0:28
  narcissists and toxic people, right?
• 0:30
  Because so many people don't really know how narcissists
• 0:33
  feel. You just, you just can guess,
• 0:35
  right? So many people just guess based
• 0:37
  on certain things that you might have read online or saw online
• 0:40
  and things of that nature. Yeah, those things could all be,
• 0:42
  you know what I'm saying? How do we really feel about
• 0:45
  ourselves? Do we love ourselves or we love,
• 0:49
  love you so much, love you. I love you more than anybody
• 0:52
  could love you. I love you more than anybody
• 0:55
  else. Is it like that or do
• 0:58
  narcissists internally hate ourselves?
• 1:02
  How do we really feel about ourselves?
• 1:04
  How does that go? How does the what is the thought
• 1:06
  process? What goes on inside of our minds
• 1:08
  when the when the topic of us comes up?
• 1:12
  I know this sounds crazy as hell, doesn't it?
• 1:14
  The topic of us. What do you feel about us?
• 1:17
  You know what I mean. But let's let's cover the first
• 1:20
  one. Do narcissist love themselves?
• 1:23
  Some of them might, right? Let's keep it hot and ready.
• 1:26
  Let's keep it hot and ready. Like a Little Caesar's pizza.
• 1:28
  Some narcissist might actually love themselves, but is it true
• 1:34
  love? Is it true Love's kiss?
• 1:35
  No, a lot of narcissists don't actually love themselves.
• 1:38
  Like you think that how how you think they love themselves like
• 1:41
  they think that they are the most important people in the
• 1:43
  world and things of that nature. Like I don't like.
• 1:46
  You can tell that some narcissists love themselves by
• 1:49
  how they take care of themselves, right?
• 1:51
  By how they are so, so consumed with their appearances and their
• 1:56
  job statuses and their reputations and things of that
• 1:59
  nature. That right there could be a sign
• 2:02
  that narcissistic people love themselves.
• 2:04
  But I already know what you're going to say, Lee.
• 2:07
  That could also be a sign that they're insecure, that they
• 2:10
  don't love themselves. Yes, that's why I said it's not
• 2:12
  a perfect science because the same signs that could indicate
• 2:17
  that they have some type of self love could also be just a sign
• 2:21
  of them trying to cover up some insecurities.
• 2:22
  So I do believe that some narcissists have the capability
• 2:26
  of loving themselves, but not to the maximum extent, right?
• 2:30
  I don't think self love truly exists with narcissist because
• 2:34
  we're all, because we are very rarely happy with ourselves,
• 2:40
  right? We're very rarely content with
• 2:42
  what we have going on and things like that.
• 2:44
  We are very rarely just impressed with ourselves or
• 2:48
  anything like that. We very rarely have good things
• 2:50
  to say about ourselves or good things to do, right?
• 2:53
  Very rarely does that happen to anybody, to anybody dealing with
• 2:57
  a narcissist, right? Very rarely does it happen.
• 3:00
  So as you are dealing with, as you yourself are dealing with a
• 3:03
  narcissist, you can kind of tell look at like look at how they
• 3:06
  behave, look at how they act, look at what's going on inside
• 3:08
  of their minds and whatnot. Like those are they can be tell
• 3:12
  tale signs whether or not a narcissist really truly cares
• 3:14
  about themselves or how they feel about themselves.
• 3:16
  Like me personally, I care about myself right?
• 3:21
  The way I feel about myself. I feel like I can love myself at
• 3:23
  times I hate myself at other times I don't feel like I'm
• 3:26
  enough. But you can tell once.
• 3:28
  One way you can tell about me is how I present myself, right?
• 3:33
  If I come to you with a disheveled hairline, my hair
• 3:36
  messed up, teeth messed up, dressed weird, you know I'm in a
• 3:40
  depressive mood and I really not feeling myself right.
• 3:43
  I really don't give a damn about myself at that moment in time,
• 3:47
  right? But sometimes when I'm, when
• 3:50
  I'm, when I get my hair, I did edge up fresh hair tight, teeth
• 3:54
  tight, everything tight. I'm suited and booted.
• 3:57
  You can't tell me nothing about me, right?
• 3:59
  I feel good. So some narcissists are going to
• 4:03
  absolutely love the hell out of themselves, like, but it's an up
• 4:06
  and down type of situation, right?
• 4:08
  It's an up and down type of thing.
• 4:10
  It's an up and down scenario that so many narcissistic people
• 4:14
  are going to face. So that's what I'm just saying.
• 4:16
  Like as you continue to grow, as you continue to heal and as you
• 4:19
  continue to try and thrive, this is something that you need to
• 4:22
  think about right here. This is truly something that you
• 4:24
  need to think about about how narcissists feel about
• 4:27
  themselves or typically it's going to be, it's going to be a
• 4:31
  reflection of how they feel about you, like how they treat
• 4:34
  you, How a narcissist feel about themselves is typically going to
• 4:38
  be reflected in how they are treating you.
• 4:42
  That's crazy, isn't it? When you think about it from
• 4:43
  the, when you think about from that perspective in the
• 4:46
  beginning, right, they're treating you well.
• 4:49
  Typically doing the love bombing phase or the idealization phase,
• 4:54
  narcissists are typically going to be treating you well.
• 4:56
  They're going to be doing everything that they can do for
• 4:58
  you. They're going to be going above
• 5:00
  and beyond. They're going to be giving you
• 5:01
  everything that you want and need.
• 5:02
  They're going to be there for you totally because they feel
• 5:05
  good about themselves, right? They're treating you well
• 5:09
  because they feel good about themselves.
• 5:10
  They're getting that external validation.
• 5:13
  They're getting that narcissistic supply, a new form
• 5:16
  of narcissistic supply, a new you.
• 5:19
  You are a new source of narcissistic supply.
• 5:22
  So as long as I feel good about doing stuff for you, I'm going
• 5:26
  to feel good overall as well. You see, that's part of the
• 5:29
  mentality of narcissistic people.
• 5:31
  I'm going to feel good about doing stuff for you because I
• 5:34
  feel good about myself. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:36
  The more the more good things that I do for you, the better I
• 5:40
  feel about myself. So I treat you good.
• 5:42
  You're smiling, you're happy. That validates me too.
• 5:45
  So I'm feel good about myself in that moment.
• 5:49
  Like if my kids are happy, I'm happy, I'm doing good for my
• 5:52
  kids. My wife is Oh my.
• 5:55
  If your wife or your husband is happy, that narcissist wife or
• 5:58
  husband or partner is happy. They feel good about themselves.
• 6:00
  You see, it's a direct, it could be a direct reflection of how
• 6:04
  they feel about themselves, a direct reflection.
• 6:08
  So when you're dealing with a manipulative narcissistic
• 6:10
  person, that's something that you have to consider right there
• 6:13
  is like how they feel about themselves.
• 6:15
  It's going to be how a lot of times the way they treat you is
• 6:19
  going to be a direct reflection of how they feel about
• 6:21
  themselves. If they are down in themselves
• 6:24
  or in a depressive mood, you will know because they're going
• 6:27
  to be treating you like they're depressed, right?
• 6:30
  They'll be treating you like they're sad and say like they
• 6:32
  need something, like they need some milk, right?
• 6:36
  They're going to be treating you in a different way and you're
• 6:39
  going to know it. I promise you.
• 6:40
  You, yeah, you will know if that narcissist is depressed or if
• 6:45
  they're going into depressive mood, if they're, if they're
• 6:47
  down on themselves, you will know, maybe they will look,
• 6:50
  maybe some of them won't tell you directly that maybe some of
• 6:53
  them won't tell you directly that that they are like that
• 6:58
  they are sad or depressed. Because, you know, a lot of
• 7:01
  narcissistic people keep everything bottled up.
• 7:04
  They refuse to be vulnerable. They refuse to go above and
• 7:07
  beyond. They refuse to do a lot of
• 7:09
  different things, right. So they're not going to open up
• 7:11
  to you and tell you exactly what is going on inside of their
• 7:13
  minds. A lot of them are just going to
• 7:15
  be losing it and they hold, a lot of them are just going to be
• 7:19
  internalizing it and holding it in because the more they hold it
• 7:22
  in, the worse they feel. And the worse they feel, the
• 7:25
  worse they're going to treat you.
• 7:26
  It's a cycle. Narcissists don't trust you.
• 7:29
  It's crazy, crazy, y'all. It really is.
• 7:31
  It really can't boil down to the fact that narcissists really,
• 7:34
  truly do not trust you. So they're not going to tell you
• 7:38
  about how they feel about themselves, right?
• 7:40
  Like I said, some narcissists are absolutely going to be
• 7:44
  majorly depressed. They're going to be depressed as
• 7:47
  hell. They're going to be sad as hell.
• 7:49
  They're going to be. They're going to cry and beg and
• 7:53
  fart and plead and whatnot, y'all.
• 7:55
  They're going to do a lot of different things, but there are
• 7:58
  some narcissists that that do love themselves on the other.
• 8:01
  On the other thing, y'all, and I'm wrap this up.
• 8:03
  There are a lot of narcissists who hate themselves.
• 8:05
  There are a lot of narcissists that do not like themselves.
• 8:07
  Like a lot of narcissists. I would say most of them can
• 8:11
  look in the mirror like this and not like what they see, feel
• 8:15
  like they haven't done enough, feel like they are not going to
• 8:18
  be enough, feel like that they will never.
• 8:20
  They haven't accomplished enough or nothing else is going to be
• 8:23
  good enough. No matter how fit they are, no
• 8:25
  matter how good you they, you, everybody else thinks they look,
• 8:28
  they're going to feel like they're not enough.
• 8:31
  And again, you will know as the person that's dealing with them,
• 8:34
  you're going to know that they don't feel good about
• 8:36
  themselves. You're going like you're going
• 8:38
  to be one of the ones that knows.
• 8:39
  I promise you, you will because a lot of narcissists have this
• 8:43
  thing about themselves where they're going to treat you a
• 8:45
  certain type of way because they feel a certain type of way about
• 8:48
  themselves. And I even hate that that has to
• 8:50
  happen. I hate that that even has to be
• 8:52
  said because so many people are battling with manipulative,
• 8:55
  toxic narcissists that like, it's sad that they don't trust
• 8:59
  people enough to vent and open up.
• 9:01
  That's why they don't go to therapy because a lot of
• 9:03
  narcissists see vulnerability as weakness.
• 9:06
  So they feel like opening up to a therapist or opening up to
• 9:09
  their partner or whoever it is. They see that as a weakness.
• 9:12
  I'm weak if I open up and expose my emotions to someone else, I'm
• 9:16
  weak. So I feel bad about myself.
• 9:18
  So that's why you see a lot of narcissists out here in order
• 9:21
  to, in order to try to feel good about themselves, they do try,
• 9:23
  they try to do good deeds. Like you'll see a lot of
• 9:26
  narcissists who fall into the the realm of being a fall into
• 9:31
  the realm of being what we what people would consider a communal
• 9:35
  narcissist where they have these, these high-ranking jobs
• 9:39
  in the community that people automatically think that they
• 9:41
  are good people. A doctor, some lawyers say, some
• 9:47
  lawyers, a nurse, a firefighter, a police officer, someone like
• 9:52
  that. Someone in the community, a
• 9:53
  pastor, a priest, somebody like that right there, right?
• 9:56
  Somebody in the congregation. They go to churches, they do
• 9:58
  things like that. They donate the charities.
• 10:00
  They run. They run homeless shelters.
• 10:03
  They help the homeless. They do things like this, like
• 10:05
  to feel good about themselves, right?
• 10:07
  To try to pick themselves up because it's, it's very hard,
• 10:10
  y'all? It's very difficult for any
• 10:12
  narcissist to internally validate themselves.
• 10:15
  That's why they're always looking for an external source
• 10:18
  of validation. Like it's kind of like we don't
• 10:20
  have these internal battery packs, right?
• 10:22
  We don't have a, we don't have a battery pack on our back.
• 10:25
  Like we can't, we don't, we're not solar charged and we can't
• 10:27
  go out there in the sun and charge ourselves up, right?
• 10:31
  We have to plug into somebody else.
• 10:33
  We have to, we got to have to tap the line of someone else,
• 10:36
  right? Because that's typically how it
• 10:37
  goes. Like, there are a lot of
• 10:38
  narcissistic people that feel that way that really, truly
• 10:42
  like, it sucks, y'all? It sucks that they really, truly
• 10:45
  cannot validate themselves and me.
• 10:48
  Have I gotten better? I know that question is going to
• 10:50
  come up, y'all. Have I gotten better at self
• 10:52
  validation? Yes, absolutely.
• 10:53
  Do I still struggle with it? Yeah, I absolutely still
• 10:56
  struggle with it. At this point in time while
• 10:57
  filming this video. I've been in psychotherapy for
• 11:00
  eight years, y'all 8, eight years.
• 11:04
  Think about that. I've been in psychotherapy for
• 11:06
  eight years, putting in the work.
• 11:09
  So I, my, my behaviors have changed.
• 11:11
  My, my thought process is altered a little bit, but I
• 11:14
  still struggle. It's not a perfect science.
• 11:16
  I don't expect to ever be cured of narcissistic personality
• 11:18
  disorder or but I do expect to keep moving forward.
• 11:22
  I do expect to be able to just experience peak life experiences
• 11:26
  and to love myself and to feel better by myself over time than
• 11:30
  what I used to do. Y'all.
• 11:31
  I used to feel hard by myself 100% of the time.
• 11:34
  It sucks. Negative self talk can eat you
• 11:36
  up, eat you alive y'all. Me with y'all.
• 11:39
  Thank y'all for tuning into this video.
• 11:40
  Y'all know I truly appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 11:42
  I'm super grateful for y'all. Like y'all don't understand how
• 11:45
  grateful I am for y'all. I appreciate you so much.
• 11:48
  Hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 11:50
  We're so close to 500 K So close.
• 11:54
  Also, click one of these on the screen right here to watch
• 11:57
  another video. Anyways y'all this is out.
• 11:59
  Peace.