Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 183. What To Do When Your Grown Child Won’t Move Out

Transcript

183. What To Do When Your Grown Child Won’t Move Out · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Henkelman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama Podcast, the show for Christian moms who want to watch their kids well and actually enjoy their empty nest.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a certified empty nest coach, speaker, and mom of five adult kids.
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know the challenges this season brings from letting go, the setting healthy boundaries to rediscovering your purpose and reconnecting with your husband.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll be your guide, offering heartfelt conversations, faith-filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in the next chapter.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong and growing relationships with my adult kids.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want the same for you.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And don't miss the end of each episode.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll share a quick coaching tip.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can apply right away to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: One favor before we dive in.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms discover the show.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss a single episode.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get started!
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, Marvel!
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the Midlife Mama podcast, the place for Faith, friendship, and real talk for emptiness moms.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Pamela Henkelman.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: As summer winds down and the new season begins, many of us find ourselves in one of the most emotional and stretching parts of motherhood, launching our kids into adulthood.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what happens when the launch doesn't go as planned?
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you do when your adult child won't move out?
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your child is struggling to gain independence or maybe
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're wrestling with how to release well when the timing doesn't look like you expected.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Either way, this season can stir up everything from frustration to fear to deep sadness.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Obama, you're not alone.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And today, we're going to talk through it.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sharing six powerful faith-filled tips to help you support your adult child with wisdom, sad, healthy expectation, and stay grounded in your identity as a beloved daughter of God, even when the launch feels delayed.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: So grab a cup of coffee and let's lean into this conversation together.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Launching is a normal and necessary part of life with our young adult children, but what happens when they don't want to leap into the great big world?
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about kids who can't launch, do the health issues or developmental delays.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about the ones who won't launch.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: The ones who seem perfectly content letting you make the decisions pay the bills and carry the weight of their adult responsibilities.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, it's completely appropriate for young adults to return home for a season between college semester's job changes or before getting married.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want our homes to be a safe place for them to land.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that's not what this conversation is about.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is about the emotional toll of watching your capable child stay stuck.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's draining, confusing, maybe even a little scary.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might be wondering, did I do too much?
• 3:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Am I enabling them?
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is this codependency?
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're wrestling with those questions, you're not alone.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's look at six practical steps you can take when your adult child resists launching and how you can lovingly shift the dynamic without losing the relationship.
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: First tip is to practice healthy communication.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Open on as communication is key when your adult child is reluctant to launch.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be clear and direct about your concerns, but also take time to listen, really listen with curiosity and compassion.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask thoughtful questions not to lecture or pressure, but to understand what's going on in their heart and mind.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: At the same time, don't shy away from sharing your own perspective.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Speak with love and humility expressing how their choices impact you and the household.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep the conversation too cited and ongoing.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's through consistent, respectful dialogue that the trust is built and this change becomes possible.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Colossians four six says, let your conversation be always full of grace season with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number two, when your child won't move out is to set clear boundaries.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, loving boundaries aren't a form of punishment or rejection.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: There will be way to protect both your relationship and your peace.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries help clarify what you will and won't take responsibility for during this season.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: This also gives your adult child a clear understanding of what's expected when they're living at home.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries reduce confusion, prevent resentment, and create space for growth.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's contributing to household chores, working toward employment or paying rent, clearly stating expectations can foster maturity and mutual respect.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it, problems for twenty-three.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Setting boundaries is one way to guard your heart so that you can love your child well without losing yourself in the process.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number three, establish the goal of independence.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your home may be a soft place to land, but it's not meant to be a permanent resting place.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make it clear that the goal isn't indefinite coexisting, it's launching.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: you want your adult child to thrive, not just survive.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Having honest conversations about what independence looks like, having a job, managing finances, securing reliable transportation and maintaining their own living space.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Communicate your confidence in their ability to rise to the occasion and place the responsibility for progress, wherely on their shoulders.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Loving accountability includes consequences.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: If goals aren't met or effort isn't shown, it's okay to re-evaluate the current living arrangement.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Growth often begins when comfort ends.
• 6:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Galatians six-five says each one should carry their own load.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, independence isn't just a milestone.
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's part of God's design for maturity and stewardship.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: As Christian parents, we all want to be praying for our kids and grandkids, but knowing what to pray can be hard.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why Christian parenting created a great cloud of witnesses prayer journal to help busy parents like you intentionally pray for your children and grandchildren and their faith all year long.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: This weekly journal walks through the lives of faithful men and women in scripture, like Abraham, Sarah, Moses, and Ray Ab, who trusted and extraordinary God.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps you pray boldly for your kids and grandkids to follow in their footsteps, growing character, deep in their faith, and trust God's plan.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And every Monday on the part in the mass podcast, Courtney DeFail, will be praying through the journal with you.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Visit cpgive.org and use code cloud to get your special podcast listener discount.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: That cpgive.org code cloud.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: The fourth thing to do when your grown child won't move out is to notice if you're resisting the change.
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is such an important tip.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the hesitation to launch isn't just on your child's side, could it be that you are unknowingly holding them back?
• 7:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: As moms, it's easy to blur the line between nurturing and needing.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take a moment to examine your own heart.
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you afraid of what their independence means to you?
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you clinging to a rule that's changing?
• 8:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: These are tender questions, but they matter.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Get curious, not critical, and ask yourself, do I feel lost apart from motherhood?
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do I believe my child can't survive without me?
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do I dread the silence of a quiet home?
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or am I anxious about facing my marriage in a new way?
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let God meet you in these honest places.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Change is hard, but it's also holy.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Psalm one thirty nine twenty three, search me God and know my heart.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
• 8:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let God gently reveal where fear may be keeping both you and your child from the next right step.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number five, encourage them to contribute.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Responsibility builds confidence, and when your young adult contributes meaningfully to the household, they begin to see themselves not as dependent but as capable adult.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Give them age-appropriate responsibilities, chores, meal prep, yard work, helping with siblings or pets, even paying a small amount of rent, grocery shopping.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: These real-life tasks done under your watchful but not overbearing eye, are powerful training grounds for independence.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're giving them the chance to prove to themselves that they can handle life and that's a gift.
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for the love of God, please don't be doing their laundry.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You let them be responsible for that.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Encouraging your child to contribute isn't about demanding perfection.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about helping them discover their strengths and dignity to purposeful work.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for human masters, Colossians III,
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number six, trust God's timing.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: When your efforts feel fruitless and your heart grows weary, remember you're not alone in this.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: God is always working both in your child and in you.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And even when you can't see the progress he is shaping hearts, building character and writing a story for greater than you can imagine.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This season may be stretching your patients and testing your faith, but it's also an invitation to deeper trust.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Surrender the timeline, release the pressure, and let grace lead.
• 10:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Galatians six nine, let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time.
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: We will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hold on to hope.
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: God's timing is never rushed, never late, always right on time.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you're adult child refuses to leave the nest, it will require you to take brave steps to ensure that your child will eventually become independent.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is God's good design for families and with a little intention and soul searching you and your child will come up with a plan to succeed.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't about pushing them out.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about partnering with God in his good design for growth, maturity, and purpose.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Trust that with prayerful wisdom and consistent boundaries you and your child can chart a path forward.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: When rooted in love, mutual respect and confident hope that God is still at work in both of you.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope today's episode gave you a fresh perspective and some practical encouragement for navigating this tricky season with grace.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip for the week.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week I want you to have one brave conversation about how your adult child can contribute to the family.
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask them what they're willing to contribute.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Could it be grocery shopping?
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Chores, running errands, or paying some rent.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: This will prepare them for the real world.
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this is a brave step.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, just because your adult child hasn't moved out yet doesn't mean that you failed.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is part of their journey and yours.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep showing up with love, speak confidence into their future, and trust that God is working behind the scenes in both your hearts.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And don't forget, Mama, your identity is not tied to your child's timeline.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are God's beloved, and He is still writing a beautiful story in your life.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encouraged you, would you take a moment to leave a review or share it with another mom who might need it?
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps more than you know.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And until next time, Grace and Peace Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more encouraged, equipped, and seen, because that's what this space is all about.
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through the stories, insights, and conversations we share here, I'm coaching you through the ups and downs of the empty nest, helping you rediscover purpose, deepen faith, and enjoy this new season of life.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready for an even more personalized support, I'd love to invite you to book a free connection column.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: The link is in the show notes, and we'll talk about how I can walk alongside you as your coach.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let's stay connected.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Follow me on Instagram at P-Hanklman.
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or come find me on Facebook at Pamela Hanklman, M-T-Nest Coach.
• 13:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure this all out on your own mama.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm here for you when you're ready.