Latest / Bible Study with Pr. Daniel Batarseh | Verse by Verse Series | Maranatha Bible Church - Chicago / Navigating Singleness | MBC Relationship Conference 2025 | Pastor Daniel Batarseh

Transcript

Navigating Singleness | MBC Relationship Conference 2025 | Pastor Daniel Batarseh · Bible Study with Pr. Daniel Batarseh | Verse by Verse Series | Maranatha Bible Church - Chicago

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  Welcome, welcome, welcome. What a joy it is to see so many
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  of you here. I'm sure that if we open it up
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  for unlimited access, there would be more people here.
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  But the reason why we count that at a certain number is because
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  if you've been here on Sundays, you know how crammed it can get.
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  And so we wanted to make this day as comfortable as possible
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  while facilitating as many people as possible.
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  And I think we're doing OK so far.
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  We'd like for us to pray once more before we jump into the
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  Word of God. Lou, we thank you from the
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  bottom of our hearts that you've allowed us to gather as a family
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  to speak about very important truths.
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  Now we ask that the Holy Spirit would help us, that you would
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  uproot any distractions, objections, even emotional walls
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  that might keep us from embracing all that you have to
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  say. Lou, we pray that not only would
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  the substance be true, but that the delivery would be empowered
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  by the Holy Spirit. We need you every session, every
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  step, even during our fellowship time, we long for the Holy
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  Spirit to guide and we ask that He would have His way.
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  Lord, may this change us, may this renew us, May this motivate
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  us, may this instill hope in us. We need all of that.
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  And and above that, beyond that, we need what you know we need,
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  so we ask for it together in Jesus name, Amen.
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  Amen. For many, unwanted singleness is
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  like a persistent toothache. No matter what you do, who
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  you're with, or where you are, there is this throbbing pain
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  that never fails to sabotage your peace and make things less
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  enjoyable. That is more true for followers
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  of Jesus Christ because we engage and we interact with our
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  singleness much differently than the world promotes it.
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  This culture endorses singleness as a boundless and limitless
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  exploration of erotic pleasures without the commitments of the
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  covenant of marriage. Whereas the biblically grounded
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  Christian understands that there is holy intentionality with your
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  singleness, which includes many things, and that of sexual
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  abstinence, the consecration of our bodies to the glory of God,
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  and the preservation and the provision of our good.
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  And that's one of many challenges for the believer in
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  navigating singleness on the raging seas of a sexually
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  charged world littered with lies and temptations that cater to
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  the flesh. But I personally am convinced
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  that the false fantasies of a sin advocating society is not
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  the only contribution to the difficulties of singleness for
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  the believer. I'm afraid that the way
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  believers, even church leaders, have addressed singleness has
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  caused unintentional harm, generally from making Christians
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  feel less spiritual for having a strong desire to be married to
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  very unwise advice and comments like God will give you a spouse
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  the moment you stop. Thinking about it.
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  It's no wonder why singleness feels like a prison sentence for
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  many Christians. But contrary to over simplistic
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  sermons and unthoughtful comments, a careful study of
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  God's Word will reveal that our Heavenly Father has provided us
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  a genuinely fulfilling print for singles for those who are not
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  married. Now, I'm aware that no matter
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  what I say about singleness, there will be some who will
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  object, who will protest, who offer some pushback.
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  But you just don't understand. And this is something that I can
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  attest to from past comments and remarks.
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  And so with this foreknowledge. Allow me to make.
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  A couple of comments before we continue.
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  Number one, it is my goal that anything that I have to say is
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  rooted and found in the Scriptures.
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  I'm not speaking with my own authority.
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  I'm appealing to the Bible. So everything that we're going
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  to point to is going to derive from the timeless principles,
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  insights, clear commands, warnings found in the Word of
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  God, particularly for those who are not married.
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  And so this is a hope for us. This is an encouragement for us
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  because we can trust in the wisdom of God.
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  This is where we're going to find true transformational
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  guidance. Not my personal experience, not
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  my anecdotes, but the Bible. That being said, if it does
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  supply any additional grace, you are hearing from somebody who
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  lived single for most of his Christian walk.
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  It virtually defined my 20s and I can tell you from transparency
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  and with transparency that you are hearing from somebody who
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  has been visited by the temptations.
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  Fears, doubts, yearnings, even the spiritual warfare concerning
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  the future while serving and loving the Lord.
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  More importantly, you are also hearing from someone who can say
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  with a clear conscience that looking back at my single years,
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  I knew genuine contentment in Christ.
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  I enjoyed meaningful opportunities and relationships
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  with others, and so much of that phase of my life has contributed
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  to the molding of who I am today.
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  There's no doubt about it. And that being said, once again,
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  I know that there can still be some resistance.
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  OK, you talk about being single in your 20s, but try managing it
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  well into your 50s or 60s. It's one thing to be single as a
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  young man. It's another thing to try to
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  beat the race against a biological clock.
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  Singleness tends to be a much more dreadful thing for women
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  than for men. Well, brother, you sound like
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  you're able to flourish in your singleness because you most
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  likely had a very wonderful support system.
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  Try. Managing the impulses of the
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  flesh, the fears of the future, with the pressures of parents
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  who are consistently inquiring of my singleness, or close
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  friends, even Christian friends who treat me as subhuman for
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  being single. So without.
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  Minimizing anyone's struggle, allow me to make a second
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  comment. I don't pretend that what I have
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  to say today will permanently put an end to the difficulties
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  of singleness. I'm not going to pretend that it
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  will no longer trouble you when you leave this place.
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  Instead, the goal of this message and this conference
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  really is to bring to your attention that both singleness
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  and marriage have their unique blessings and challenges.
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  Because here's what I've observed over the years, That
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  there are good hearted brothers and sisters in Christ who are so
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  focused on what they feel deprived of as singles that
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  they're fixated on the mountain peaks of marriage while
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  overlooking the advantages of being single.
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  So they're just caught up by the companionship, the intimacy, the
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  memories, the the travels, the vacations, raising well behaved
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  children that you're missing something in the moment.
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  And I want to show you that there is actually something
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  about this singleness that is a gift.
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  I don't want you to overlook it, and I don't also want you to
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  overlook the complexities of marriage.
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  What I'm trying to say is this, that there is a way to wrestle
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  with your singleness that is wasteful, and there's a way to
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  navigate your singleness that is fruitful.
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  And I'm advocating for the latter.
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  So the way we're going to do this is by exploring certain
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  points for singles at any age to become awakened to what God's
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  Providence has made available to you at this moment.
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  But let me clarify certain things.
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  The focus of this message is not for singles who are delaying
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  that marriage for selfish reasons.
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  That's a whole different message.
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  I'm speaking to those who are single, not by choice.
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  Moreover, please be merciful in this, that there is no way that
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  we can cover absolutely every single scenario of singleness in
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  one message. And I say that now so that you
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  don't get distracted by what about or or what if throughout
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  this time. And that's what the Q&A is for
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  to hopefully unpack some of the nuances of this of the subject.
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  With that being said, I want to lay out before you four ways to
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  navigate singleness well, Four ways to navigate singleness, not
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  just navigate singleness, navigate singleness well.
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  And the fourth point, we'll be providing general practical
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  counsel of how to transition from singleness into potential
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  marriage. And I'm sure a lot of people are
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  like, can you just skip to #4 we'll get there.
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  But first I want to deal with number one.
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  If you are single in this place and you are follower of Jesus
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  Christ, I admonish you to cultivate holy anxiety.
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  Cultivate holy anxiety. Turn with me to 1st Corinthians
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  Chapter 7. That may be a very predictable
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  chapter in the New Testament concerning this topic.
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  But let me remind you that this chapter is part of Paul's letter
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  dealing with a church that had questions about relationships.
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  And the instructions that he provides in this chapter covers
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  a wide variety of relational questions and circumstances.
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  But you have to understand if you if you read first
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  Corinthians 7, you have to filter it through the lens of
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  verse 26, because verse 26 makes known to us that Paul is
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  providing guidance in light of the potential uprising of
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  intense persecution. He calls it this present
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  distress. Now, there's debate about what
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  he means by that, but it's likely that he's speaking about
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  the church in Corinth being attacked, being surrounded,
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  being harassed for their faith. And so that will help regulate
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  how you counsel and how you understand Paul's line of
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  thought here. If not, then you can come to
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  very dangerous conclusions of what he believed about both
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  singles and singleness and married people and marriage,
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  right? He's writing this in light of
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  persecution that is on the horizon and how they should
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  prioritize things in life in light of this, especially how
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  they prioritize relationships. That being said, to listen to
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  this, this dawned on me for the first time when I was preparing
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  for this earlier in the week, that as this church is ready to
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  have their lives altered because of their faith, because of the
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  danger that is looming, you had some believers who still were
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  thinking about marriage. Talk about a strong desire to be
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  with someone. Your life is in danger and
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  you're still wondering how can I get married?
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  So even then, you had believers who really, really wanted a wife
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  or really, really wanted a husband.
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  And Paul at some point confirms that it's not sin if anyone
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  chooses to be married, even if there is intense persecution on
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  the way. But interestingly, he doesn't
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  offer that counsel immediately before he comes to that
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  conclusion, before he wraps things up in this chapter, he
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  actually provides an alternative.
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  He gives a different option, and he actually promotes that
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  option. And within that advice, we have
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  timeless truths that apply to us at any point in life.
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  So look at verse 32 quickly. He says, I want you to be free
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  from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious
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  about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.
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  But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to
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  please his wife, and his interests are divided.
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  And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the
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  things of the Lord, how to be holy and body and spirit.
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  But the married woman is anxious about worldly things.
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  How to please her husband? I say this to your own benefit,
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  not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order
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  and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
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  It's very easy to misinterpret what Paul is saying here.
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  First, he is no way claiming that being single means.
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  You are more spiritual or faithful than those who are
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  married, even if you choose to be single for the sake of the
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  Kingdom of God. Nor is he suggesting that being
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  single is a breeze while being married is miserable.
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  The apostle is simply making a very realistic and honest
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  observation. Pay attention about the
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  difference between the simplicity of singleness and the
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  complexities within marriage. And he highlights the unique
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  opportunities that come with the flexibility of single life.
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  That is all that he's doing. Marriage is designed to be
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  demanding, and it's no great revelation to point out that the
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  obligations of a married person are not the same as the
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  unmarried. Not that relational
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  responsibilities is carnal or sinful.
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  In fact, if you're married, to honor your spouses and to live
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  for their good and their well-being is to honor the Lord.
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  You can't dismiss that. However, that level of
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  commitment requires energy, time, and selfless
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  considerations which divide. They divide your priorities and
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  in some cases they can become practical hindrances.
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  So there are many accounts and stories and testimonies, for
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  example, of brothers who want to explore and pursue different
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  avenues of ministries but they can't.
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  Why? Because they are respecting the
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  fears or the wishes of their wives.
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  And that is just one. Idea of what Paul anticipates
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  for those who are married. It impacts your time.
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  It regulates your travel. It influences your expenses.
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  It requires a re evaluation of your risks, even if those risks
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  are in the name of honoring God. I see then what Paul wants
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  singles to do is to slow down and not rush into a relationship
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  because he wants you to as much as possible enjoy a less anxious
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  life. Actually, no.
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  That's not what Paul is saying. What Paul is saying through the
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  Spirit is that he wants singles to take advantage of the
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  freedoms that come with singleness so that they can be
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  preoccupied with a different concern, a different anxiety.
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  If you will look again at verse 32, I want you to be free from
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  anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious
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  about the things of the Lord. How to please the Lord?
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  I'm sure many of us in here have counseled single people over the
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  years, but how many can you say have challenged those anxieties
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  of singleness and the future and what ifs and what about and
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  when, with this eagerness to make the most of this time to
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  invest in the work of the Lord? I'm not sure that we can say of
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  most Christians that this anxiety describes their
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  singleness, but Paul by the Spirit expects Christians to
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  live in it. I'll never forget the time when
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  I was thinking more seriously about marriage without any
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  prospects in mind, just the idea of it.
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  And it was on a Friday night making my way to one of our
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  Bible studies, and I began to just ruminate and reflect on my
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  past, my present, and my future. And at some point this thought
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  hit me and it actually sent chills down my spine.
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  Not that it was a fearful thing, but it was just so sobering.
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  My hands are on the steering wheel.
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  I'm driving safely. I'm looking ahead.
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  But here's what's dominating my thoughts now.
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  Once you get married, there is no turning back.
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  Once you get married, there is no turning back.
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  And that thought was followed by self examination.
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  And here's what I was asking myself.
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  Did you make the most of your singleness, or do you have
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  regrets? And I began to reflect on
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  specific monuments of my singleness.
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  What I did when I got saved in college, what I did after
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  college, what I've been doing since.
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  College did I really make the most of my single years?
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  Because no matter who you marry, no matter how godly they are,
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  it's not going to be the same anymore.
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  I want you to see how the same apostle who is promoting this
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  anxiety also criticize a certain group of believers who went the
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  opposite direction of what he had hoped for children of God,
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  Because I want to tell you something.
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  Being single does not guarantee what Paul calls undivided
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  devotion to the Lord. It doesn't guarantee it.
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  It doesn't secure it. You need to be strategic about
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  it. So let me show you a place in
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  First Timothy 5 where you have Paul here condemning the
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  behavior of some younger widows who did not reflect the
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  praiseworthy characteristics of a widow who is to receive
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  financial support from the church.
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  Things like showing hospitality, caring for the afflicted, being
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  devoted to good works instead of embracing such attitudes and
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  such ambitions. These younger widows.
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  Paul was informed about spoiled their state of singleness.
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  Look at verse 13 of First Timothy 5.
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  Besides that, they learned to be idlers, going about from house
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  to house. And not only idlers, but also
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  gossips and busy bodies saying what they should not.
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  So notice here that Paul is commenting on this group of
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  younger widows. Who evidently didn't even have
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  children yet. Their husbands died before they
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  were able to have kids. And with the free time that they
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  had, they were slandering instead of serving.
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  They were whispering instead of ministering.
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  Instead of being caught up and getting busy for the work of the
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  Lord, they were putting and sticking their nose in other
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  people's businesses. Do you know what this teaches
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  me? It teaches me that there is a
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  lingering temptation for Christians in their singleness
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  to be self absorbed, to be self absorbed, and without realizing
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  it, they can even be so deceived as to pursue the will of Satan
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  in their singleness, saying where are you getting that from?
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  Look at verse 15. For some have already strayed
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  after Satan. And what does that mean?
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  It means that in their state of being a widow without a spouse,
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  their selfish desires, their sinful impulses, was a foothold
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  for Satan to steer them away from the will of God in that
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  phase of their life and to actually pursue destructive
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  patterns for themselves and for others.
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  So here's what Paul does, though.
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  By the Spirit of God, he defines singleness as an opportunity to
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  serve in a unique way, to live in a unique way.
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  And I find it interesting that back in First Corinthians 7,
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  Paul does not refer to the stage of life as a period of
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  preparation for marriage. That's how Christians define
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  singleness. But Paul doesn't talk about
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  singleness like that. Nor does.
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  He speak about it as this agonizing waiting.
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  Paul speaks about singleness as a time of excellent
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  opportunities, and he actually makes a comment near the end of
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  First Corinthians 7 that I think would stagger most Christians.
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  Go back to First Corinthians 7 and notice what he says in his
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  final words in this section of instructions for singles,
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  Engaged people, married people, divorce people.
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  Remember, he's saying this in light of the present distress
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  that this church was ready to face.
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  But look what he says here in verse 39 and verse 41st
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  Corinthians 7A. Wife is bound to her husband as
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  long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be
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  married to whom she wishes only in the Lord.
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  Verse 40. Yet in my judgement, she is
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  happier if she remains as she is.
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  And I think I too have the Spirit of God.
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  It's like you have to add that final point because it's like
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  Paul, you're speaking out of your own head because no, no,
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  no, I actually have the Spirit of God.
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  Wait a minute. He says something that I think
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  most people would think is inconceivable.
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  What is it he's telling widows who have lost their spouse in
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  the context, if you want to be married again, you're free to do
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  that. Only they have to be in the
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  Lord. But notice, she says, but I
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  think that she would actually be happier if she stays as she is.
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  It's possible to be single and happy.
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  Who would have thought? Not only that, he says, happier,
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  happier. Now look at all the shocked
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  faces. I wish you can see what I see up
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  here. Happier.
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  Happier, yes, in terms of priority with the persecution
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  that's around them. Happier, but, but remember,
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  we're looking for underlying timeless principles.
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  Paul believed You can be single and joyful.
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  It doesn't have to be a drudgery, doesn't have to be
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  this misery, doesn't have to be this dark cloud hovering over
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  your head. And only when you meet that
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  person, the rays of life will Pierce through and make your
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  life meaningful. That's not how it works.
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  When was the last time you paused and you prayed, Lord,
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  what would you have me do with this time?
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  What would you have me do with these resources?
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  Where would you have me go As I was putting this together?
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  A brother in Christ that doesn't attend here, He visits here.
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  I'm not going to name him because I don't think he would
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  like it for me to name him. Some of you know him, a brother
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  in Christ who is later in his 20s as a single man, I believe
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  is a wonderful model of what's possible in that season of life
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  because this man has done many things already.
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  One of the things that he chose to do, and this is what his
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  parents have told me, is that he purchased a larger home for the
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  goal of hosting missionary families whenever they're in
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  town. And he, as a single man, has
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  embraced foster children so that he can in the best way possible
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  with all the restrictions of that system, shine the light of
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  Christ, lavish them with the beauties of the gospel and with
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  a full time job and serving a church and doing that on in his
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  own home with his own resources. He recently, after our own
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  conference, sent out a letter, I believe to more than one person.
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  He sent one to me at least with prayer points because he was
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  flying out overseas for many days to help a missionary
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  family. And whenever he comes to the
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  town, we sit down for quite a bit of time to be able to
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  discuss his life and just have friend friendly conversation.
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  And I remember after hearing all that he was doing, asking him a
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  very straightforward question. Do you enjoy all of this?
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  You know, some people could say, well, you know, I'm single and
• 26:39
  this is just the best that I can do with my singleness until I
• 26:41
  get married. Just a wonderful distraction.
• 26:47
  He smiled from ear to ear and with the most genuine tone of
• 26:51
  voice said, I love it. I love it.
• 27:00
  See the the happiness that Paul is speaking about here.
• 27:03
  The secret to knowing joy even in singleness, even in loss that
• 27:06
  created your singleness is being intentional, strategic with your
• 27:10
  spiritual pursuits, with the freedoms you have.
• 27:14
  If you are not goal entered, if you're not missional, if if
• 27:18
  you're not actually going to plan how you're going to manage
• 27:22
  this time and navigate this season, Satan is ready to tempt
• 27:27
  you. As much as God has wonderful
• 27:31
  opportunities, so does the enemy of our souls.
• 27:34
  And the investments that I speak of lead to many outcomes,
• 27:36
  including the alleviation of what is probably the most
• 27:41
  dreaded aspects of short term or long term singleness,
• 27:45
  loneliness, loneliness #2 you must invest in intimate
• 27:55
  relationships. The piercing thought of
• 28:00
  loneliness is easily one of the main motivations that cause
• 28:02
  single people to squirm and to race into a relationship.
• 28:08
  While husband or wife is the deepest human bond that one can
• 28:11
  know in this life, it doesn't mean that not having one ensures
• 28:17
  devastating loneliness. Some people think it
• 28:20
  automatically equates that, and this point is so imperative
• 28:24
  because it's not just for those who have never been married.
• 28:28
  This is important for those who might become single even in
• 28:32
  marriage. It's unlikely that people pass
• 28:38
  into glory at the same time. And there are some who even
• 28:43
  experience early loss with a spouse and remain single for
• 28:46
  many, many, many years and choose to remain single until
• 28:50
  the end. So this applies beyond just
• 28:52
  those who are waiting to get married.
• 28:56
  It's even for those who involuntarily are slipped back
• 28:58
  into that season. I want you to see a promise in
• 29:02
  the Word of God that I think should be more referenced in
• 29:05
  this discussion. It's in the book of Psalms.
• 29:07
  Turn with me to Psalm 68 and look at verse 6.
• 29:13
  Psalm 68, verse 6. God settles the solitary in a
• 29:18
  home. He leads out the prisoners to
• 29:21
  prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
• 29:26
  Look at that first part of the verse the NASB renders in the
• 29:30
  following. God makes a home for the lonely.
• 29:33
  If you have the King James or the new King James, it will say
• 29:36
  God sets the solitary and families plural.
• 29:41
  Notice how precise the Bible is. We learned that there is a
• 29:44
  remedy outside of marriage that brings comfort to the.
• 29:47
  Lonely and I believe the way that this promise is realized,
• 29:52
  ultimately realized is in one of the earthly rewards of the
• 29:55
  gospel of Jesus Christ. You remember when we studied
• 29:58
  Mark, how Jesus comforted his disciples who had given up
• 30:02
  everything to follow him, that there would not be one who is
• 30:07
  not left families, homes, property, land for his namesake
• 30:14
  and the gospel sake that will not receive 100 times more in
• 30:17
  this life. 100 times what? Houses and brothers and sisters
• 30:21
  and fathers, mothers, 100 times more in this life.
• 30:26
  How can that be? I can assure you that Jesus is
• 30:29
  not promising an impressive real estate investment.
• 30:36
  What Jesus is saying here is that.
• 30:39
  This manifold, this bountiful access to living rooms,
• 30:44
  bedrooms, siblings, parents is realized in the Church of Jesus
• 30:50
  Christ. That's where it's found.
• 30:56
  And what the Lord Jesus promised is so powerful because it
• 30:59
  implies that if a local body is in alignment with the will of
• 31:03
  God, right? If if those realities are only
• 31:06
  and exclusively known with the experience of the church, and
• 31:09
  that church is lined up with God's will, his mind empowered
• 31:13
  by His Spirit, then there shouldn't be any lonely people
• 31:17
  in the church. But like many of God's promises,
• 31:21
  he requires our participation. Many of God's promises require
• 31:25
  our participation for these kind of things to be known.
• 31:28
  So I'm required to make 2 comments at this point.
• 31:31
  First, to singles, please. I say this from my heart.
• 31:34
  I say this with deep love. I say this as somebody who was
• 31:37
  single for most of his Christian walk.
• 31:39
  You can't expect to know deep and meaningful connections if
• 31:43
  you don't plug in. And the easiest way to get to
• 31:47
  know people, even if you're an introvert, is to serve.
• 31:52
  You may find it absolutely horrifying after a service to
• 31:57
  get up and to look at a stranger face to face and extend your
• 32:00
  hand and shake it and ask how they are.
• 32:03
  But you know what you can do? Approach the leaders and say,
• 32:07
  what can I do around here? And I can guarantee you that if
• 32:12
  you serve consistently, wholeheartedly, you will meet
• 32:16
  people, people that will serve alongside you and the people
• 32:21
  that you will serve. It's one of the wonderful
• 32:24
  byproducts of being a member of a church.
• 32:28
  It opens your world. And I've never seen this fail
• 32:32
  being in ministry for over a decade.
• 32:35
  You have to be willing to sacrifice, even what your
• 32:38
  inclinations might restrict you from, to experience God's
• 32:44
  promises. Now let me turn to the couples.
• 32:49
  This is why I'm so glad that those who are married, engaged
• 32:52
  have come to this session. Because knowing and learning
• 32:55
  about singles is not just for singles.
• 32:58
  The temptation for us married folk is to gravitate towards
• 33:01
  other married people, other couples in the church, and
• 33:07
  listen unintentionally ostracize singles.
• 33:11
  And I get it. The reason is because you want
• 33:13
  to surround yourself with people who understand the struggles and
• 33:16
  the unique challenges of marriage.
• 33:19
  But you have to understand that singles have something to offer
• 33:24
  you and you have something to offer singles.
• 33:30
  So I want you to broaden your circles.
• 33:32
  I want you to broaden your plans, broaden your investments
• 33:35
  in relationship and include those who may not have a spouse
• 33:40
  because a beautiful partnership can happen there and there's so
• 33:44
  much that you can glean from and vice versa.
• 33:47
  And I won't get into the intricacies of it, but let me
• 33:49
  tell you something. Those who have families here,
• 33:52
  you have the glorious opportunity fulfilling one of
• 33:56
  Jesus promises to those who have made great sacrifices to follow
• 33:59
  Him. Let me speak from personal
• 34:02
  experience. I can't count the number of
• 34:05
  homes I've been to. I can't tell you the number of
• 34:09
  pillows I've laid this head on as I've traveled from ministry.
• 34:13
  I can't tell you the amount of people that have come up to me
• 34:15
  and say whenever you're in town, whenever you're in this country,
• 34:18
  you let me know. Or if you ever need to get get
• 34:20
  away, I'll give you a copy of this key.
• 34:21
  That's what Jesus meant in Mark 10 houses and homes and brothers
• 34:25
  and fathers. And you have an opportunity not
• 34:28
  just for those who serve in ministry, but those who serve in
• 34:31
  the church and sacrifice so much to love the Lord.
• 34:33
  You have a chance of letting people taste something of a
• 34:38
  treasure in the gospel. Singleness does not mean you
• 34:42
  have to miss out on intimacy, and marriage itself does not
• 34:47
  promise it. Do you know how many lonely
• 34:51
  married people there are out there?
• 34:55
  Many. Let me show you an example that
• 34:58
  confirms both of the statements I made.
• 35:00
  The statement that being single doesn't mean you can't have
• 35:03
  intimate relationships and being married doesn't promise it.
• 35:07
  Go to the Old Testament once again.
• 35:10
  Look at Second Samuel chapter one, verse 26.
• 35:14
  This is David's lament after hearing about the loss of Saul
• 35:19
  and Jonathan. And notice what he says here in
• 35:21
  verse 26 of Second Samuel 1. I am distressed for you, my
• 35:27
  brother Jonathan. Very pleasant have you been to
• 35:31
  me. Your love to me was
• 35:33
  extraordinary, surpassing the love of woman.
• 35:39
  This is astounding. You have a man who is admitting
• 35:44
  that he had a deeper bond with a brother than with his actual
• 35:48
  wives. Plural.
• 35:52
  And this is not a verse that requires deep psychological
• 35:55
  analysis. It actually confirms something
• 35:59
  that is more common than you know.
• 36:02
  What is it that sex and marriage?
• 36:07
  Does not guarantee intimacy. Sex and marriage does not
• 36:13
  guarantee intimacy. If sex guaranteed intimacy, then
• 36:17
  there would be a lot more fulfilled people outside in the
• 36:19
  world who are jumping from partner to partner to partner to
• 36:22
  partner and yet there is a growing vacuum in their soul.
• 36:29
  And if marriage promised intimacy, there would be a lot
• 36:32
  less counseling sessions. You know what he shows here,
• 36:38
  though? The ideal is your spouse being
• 36:41
  the deepest connection you have in this life.
• 36:44
  That's the ideal God desires. That doesn't guarantee it, but
• 36:50
  you know what is available. We have David and Jonathan here
• 36:54
  demonstrating how significant satisfying companionship can be
• 36:59
  known with someone who is not your spouse with somebody
• 37:03
  outside of romance. That concept is so alien to our
• 37:10
  culture that those who have stumbled upon this verse have
• 37:13
  suspected that David and Jonathan must have had a secret
• 37:16
  homosexual relationship. That is commentary from people
• 37:22
  who don't have the mind of Christ and are clearly not
• 37:25
  saved. Those who try to advocate LGBTQ.
• 37:28
  Plus I forgot the amount of letters are now in the name.
• 37:32
  But those who advocate that and want to try to have God confirm
• 37:36
  their lifestyle come to this verse and say, see David and
• 37:40
  Jonathan had this bond that David couldn't know with a woman
• 37:47
  That doesn't confirm your sin. What it confirms is the
• 37:50
  shallowness of friendships in the world.
• 37:53
  That's what that confirms that it's, it's very difficult for
• 37:57
  people to conceive that it's possible to know a deep bond
• 38:01
  with another human being unless it's sexual or erotic.
• 38:07
  But he's saying no. My, my brother Jonathan, there
• 38:11
  was, there was this deep connection I had with him that I
• 38:14
  didn't have with my wives. Listen, as a Christian, you've
• 38:20
  been granted the capacity to no incredible bonds with other
• 38:23
  believers because you have something that is more powerful
• 38:28
  than blood itself, the Holy Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit
• 38:33
  of God in US. And you don't have to miss out
• 38:36
  on rich relationships because you are not married.
• 38:44
  And as I was preparing for this, I was reading Second Timothy,
• 38:46
  just on my own time, my own devotions, and I stumbled upon a
• 38:50
  verse, just a little brief phrase that confirms.
• 38:54
  This with a man who was single Paul, can I just quote to you
• 39:00
  what Paul said to his spiritual son Timothy.
• 39:06
  This is This is why we have to read our Bible slowly and
• 39:08
  actually think about the implications.
• 39:10
  Think about this was a man who wrote this to another man.
• 39:14
  Second Timothy 1/4 as I remember your tears pause.
• 39:20
  So Timothy cried in front of Paul.
• 39:27
  You men, would you be able to do that?
• 39:30
  He wept in front of Paul. He says, as I remember your
• 39:33
  tears, I long to see you that I may be filled with joy.
• 39:41
  You would think this is a love letter.
• 39:44
  I long to see you that I may be filled.
• 39:46
  I remember your tears. He's speaking to a fellow
• 39:50
  pastor. He's speaking to a fellow
• 39:53
  missionary. And it's totally genuine.
• 40:01
  You know what I find so fascinating?
• 40:03
  That as much as a godly marriage offers a a unique human bond
• 40:07
  unlike any other in this life, it is not going to continue in
• 40:10
  eternity. You know what will carry on into
• 40:14
  eternity? This family.
• 40:18
  Have you ever thought about that?
• 40:21
  The family of faith will continue on in eternity, whereas
• 40:26
  your marriage will cease as you arrive on the shore of glory.
• 40:34
  Invest in intimate relationships.
• 40:37
  That's not exclusive to finding somebody that you're in love
• 40:39
  with. You can know it even with a
• 40:42
  brother, even with a fellow sister point #3 after you
• 40:53
  cultivate a holy anxiety and you are intentional investing in
• 40:57
  intimate relationships with God's providential provision of
• 41:01
  people in your life, you must never #3 lose sight of true
• 41:05
  contentment. Because what I'm saying here, it
• 41:08
  may now provide a numbing agent to that toothache.
• 41:13
  But you know yourself well enough that the shooting pain
• 41:17
  will return maybe in a few days or weeks.
• 41:22
  And for every single person, that pain may be different.
• 41:25
  But I think the most common pain that is shared is that of worry,
• 41:31
  of fear for the future. Because this is how strong this
• 41:36
  flesh is. No matter if you cultivate this
• 41:38
  whole anxiety and you begin to leaving this place, think and
• 41:42
  pray. I want to actually create bonds
• 41:44
  in this life. Whatever is available to me, I
• 41:46
  want to know it. Lord open doors for it.
• 41:50
  It's very likely that you will be visited by thoughts that will
• 41:54
  interrupt thoughts like what if I never get married?
• 42:01
  What if I never experienced the gift of sex the way God intended
• 42:06
  it? What if I am destined to grow
• 42:11
  old and die alone? What?
• 42:18
  What if people now think there has to be something wrong with
• 42:22
  me because I never got married? Thoughts like that.
• 42:28
  And when those questions seek to invade your peace, you have to
• 42:31
  remember that getting married doesn't settle your worries.
• 42:36
  It just opens you up to new ones.
• 42:40
  New ones that also need to be taken captive to the obedience
• 42:43
  of Christ. Single people, you want to know
• 42:45
  some of the thoughts married people think.
• 42:49
  What if I or my spouse dies early?
• 42:55
  What will happen to my wife if I have to leave her behind?
• 43:00
  What? What do we do if we can't have
• 43:01
  children? Because that happens to
• 43:04
  Christian couples, They can't produce children.
• 43:06
  What do we do now? What if we do have kids and they
• 43:10
  grow up never to serve the Lord? So getting married doesn't solve
• 43:16
  your concerns necessarily. Such thoughts, whether you're
• 43:22
  single or married, are startling reminders that both singles and
• 43:25
  couples must find their true rest, their true satisfaction,
• 43:30
  their true security in Christ, in Christ alone.
• 43:36
  Because the aches of singleness are not final, and marriage is
• 43:41
  not the ultimate end. They all point to something
• 43:46
  greater to come, and you can taste it today.
• 43:49
  Your identity is not wrapped up in you being a single soldier
• 43:54
  for Christ or you being a married person with a fellow
• 43:58
  servant of Christ. Your identity is caught up in
• 44:01
  this one thing. I have a covenant with God.
• 44:05
  I walk with my Maker, and if I'm single, I walk with him solo,
• 44:10
  but with the church. And if I'm married, I have one
• 44:13
  person from the church that's just a little bit closer than
• 44:15
  the others, and we're doing this together.
• 44:19
  Your ultimate goal in any season is worshipping him, loving him,
• 44:24
  serving him, and pleasing him. That will change the way you
• 44:28
  view singleness. That will change the way you
• 44:30
  view marriage. And if you don't have that as
• 44:32
  your preoccupation, everything goes out of whack.
• 44:36
  Everything goes out of whack. I'm reminded, actually, of a
• 44:40
  verse. That Paul gave back in First
• 44:42
  Corinthians 7 to Christian couples that I believe redirects
• 44:46
  them in an indirect way, redirects their priorities and
• 44:50
  what they ought to do as. Couples on a regular basis go to
• 44:54
  1st Corinthians 7, verse 5. Earlier in this chapter, Paul
• 44:58
  says do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for
• 45:01
  a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but
• 45:06
  then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because
• 45:09
  of your lack of self-control. Did you notice a little phrase
• 45:11
  in between in the middle there that you may devote yourselves
• 45:16
  to prayer? You know what Paul expects
• 45:18
  married couples to do? To take time from each other and
• 45:23
  to spend time with God. Don't don't separate too long
• 45:30
  because Satan will take advantage of that and and seek
• 45:33
  to tempt you for those especially who lack
• 45:34
  self-control. But he actually anticipates that
• 45:38
  Christian couples will not lose sight of their personal devotion
• 45:43
  to God. You know what happens to many
• 45:46
  Christian couples the moment they get married?
• 45:47
  They disappear. They disappear from serving
• 45:51
  church. They disappear from coming to
• 45:52
  church. That's not God's will for you.
• 45:55
  And I know Mark is going to elaborate on on married couples
• 45:58
  in our second session, but I just want to say this now.
• 46:02
  If you're going to come together with a different follower of
• 46:04
  Christ, your devotion to Christ should become stronger.
• 46:09
  See, again, going back to that contrast between singleness, the
• 46:11
  simplicity of singleness and the complexities within marriage.
• 46:14
  We're not talking about you being single means you're more
• 46:16
  fruit, more fruitful necessarily.
• 46:17
  It's a different kind of fruitfulness.
• 46:20
  Marriage is a different kind of fruitfulness.
• 46:24
  And yes, though there is a division of priorities, it
• 46:27
  doesn't mean that you neglect your walk with the Lord.
• 46:32
  So never forget where true contentment comes from.
• 46:38
  And even as you long for marriage, you're not going to
• 46:41
  find ultimate satisfaction in it.
• 46:44
  It's only in the one who made you and who died for you and
• 46:48
  who's going to redeem you unto himself.
• 46:50
  And that relationship with God is going to put an end to that
• 46:57
  relationship that you had on earth with that spouse.
• 46:59
  As wonderful as marriage is, it's not heaven.
• 47:04
  It's going to end when you get to heaven.
• 47:07
  So again, we have to, we have to re evaluate our understanding of
• 47:10
  the temporary nature of marriage and the goal of marriage and the
• 47:15
  advantages of singleness. There's so much more that I can
• 47:21
  say, but I want to leave some room for the Q&A.
• 47:24
  But I will say this for my 4th point and that's transitioning
• 47:27
  from singleness to marriage. Allow me to make some general
• 47:30
  comments, general comments. I just want to speak to you
• 47:35
  heart to heart. Just really candidly, let me
• 47:39
  give you just a few points. And again, I'm not going to
• 47:41
  touch on every point because we're going to sit down together
• 47:44
  in an informal setting to discuss these matters.
• 47:47
  But let me, let me talk to now singles who feel ready, who, who
• 47:51
  are looking for some kind of council of how to transition
• 47:55
  from this phase to the next phase to a potential candidate.
• 47:58
  You ready for this sub point #1 to point #4 sub point number
• 48:02
  one, you ready? OK, You have to marry a human
• 48:07
  being. Why do I say that?
• 48:12
  Can I tell you why I say that? Because for some people who are
• 48:14
  single, it's not because of God's Providence.
• 48:16
  It's more because of your pickiness, your pickiness.
• 48:24
  It doesn't help that we live in a culture that photo shops
• 48:27
  people all around you. And for you movie lovers and
• 48:35
  show watchers, you have to understand that those people
• 48:39
  that are on the screen are not real.
• 48:42
  Those are people that work out for a living and have expert
• 48:47
  dietitians and trainers that make them look like that.
• 48:50
  And maybe you've seen this online that once a movie is over
• 48:53
  or something, or a show and they, you know, snag a picture
• 48:58
  of somebody just on their lawn or walking downtown or
• 49:00
  something, they don't look like the movie, do they?
• 49:03
  There's a reason for that. Now, I'm going to get to this in
• 49:07
  a moment. I think attraction is important,
• 49:09
  but there are some who are unbelievably able to nitpick on
• 49:15
  every blemish. And what you need to know is
• 49:19
  that the beauty of the inner person is able to erase those
• 49:24
  blemishes. And you need to be open to
• 49:30
  getting to know somebody, not just their physical, but their
• 49:34
  personality for that to blossom and for that to become apparent
• 49:39
  to you. And I want to speak on that more
• 49:44
  in a moment. But as much as attraction is
• 49:47
  important, what will make a more joyful, peaceful, fruitful,
• 49:52
  harmonious marriage is having two people who are first given
• 49:56
  over completely to the Lord. Now I, I came across this verse
• 49:59
  that I don't think I've ever heard in a marriage context or
• 50:02
  in pursuing a marriage or a candidate for marriage.
• 50:05
  But look at Second Corinthians 85 and Paul speaking about these
• 50:10
  Macedonians who are extremely generous for this cause of
• 50:13
  raising funds for the believers in Jerusalem.
• 50:15
  And he says in 2nd Corinthians 85 and this not as we expected,
• 50:19
  but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will
• 50:22
  of God to us. Here's what he's saying, that
• 50:25
  because of the submission of these Corinthians or these
• 50:28
  Macedonians rather to God himself, they were able then to
• 50:32
  support and to surrender to these spiritual leaders.
• 50:38
  And So what you, you find here is that there's a rule that when
• 50:41
  a person is submitted completely to the Lord first, you will know
• 50:46
  a better person in terms of submission, mutual submission in
• 50:49
  the place of marriage or any kind of mutual relationship.
• 50:53
  Everything has to be grounded and founded upon somebody living
• 50:56
  completely and holistically for the Lord.
• 50:58
  And that's what you want to look for in a candidate.
• 51:01
  So you want to find that kind of character in a person.
• 51:06
  Don't get so caught up with the external.
• 51:08
  The external will only take you so far.
• 51:10
  When to make a covenant with someone?
• 51:11
  Once you live in the same house as someone else, what's going to
• 51:15
  matter the most is that person's convictions, that person's
• 51:19
  attitude and arguments, that person's humility, that person's
• 51:23
  fear of God. That's going to mean so much
• 51:27
  more than if the guy's hairline is here instead of here, or if
• 51:34
  the girl is that height or this height.
• 51:39
  We get so caught up in those things, and they don't supply
• 51:43
  the grace for an enduring, thriving marriage.
• 51:48
  So learn to evaluate biblically and allow the Holy Spirit to
• 51:56
  change your taste and to train you into what to look for.
• 52:03
  I'm not against attraction, but I think so many people are not
• 52:06
  even giving some people a chance because not everything from head
• 52:11
  to toe is in alignment with what you have conjured up in your
• 52:13
  mind. You might have seen a beautiful
• 52:17
  woman or or a man, and the more you get to know them, the uglier
• 52:20
  they get. And there might be somebody else
• 52:24
  who might not be a model, who might not turn heads every time
• 52:28
  they walk into a room. But the more you get to know
• 52:30
  them, the more beautiful they become.
• 52:34
  So expand your understanding. Of a potential candidate #2 sub
• 52:43
  point to #4 be presentable, to pursue or to be pursued.
• 52:53
  So I want you to go to the book of Ruth quickly and look at
• 52:55
  chapter 3. This is when Naomi realized that
• 52:59
  Boaz was a relative and that Ruth might have found herself a
• 53:04
  husband. And look at verse one to verse
• 53:08
  3. It says here that Naomi, her
• 53:13
  mother-in-law, said to her, My daughter, should I not seek rest
• 53:16
  for you, that I may be well with you?
• 53:18
  Is not Boaz our relative with whose young woman you were?
• 53:23
  See his winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor.
• 53:27
  Wash therefore, and anoint yourself and put on your cloak
• 53:30
  and go down to the threshing floor.
• 53:32
  But do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished
• 53:35
  eating and drinking. You know what stands out to me?
• 53:38
  This in this passage that when Naomi learned that Boaz could be
• 53:42
  a potential spouse based on the law, right, he could have been a
• 53:45
  kinsman Redeemer to Ruth. He tells Ruth.
• 53:48
  Before you go meet him, take a shower, anoint yourself, put on
• 53:55
  a cloak. So I I spoke about appearances
• 54:00
  not being everything and not being so picky that you might
• 54:04
  miss out on somebody who might be more beautiful than you
• 54:06
  thought. At the same time, it's good.
• 54:10
  It's good to be presentable, to be pursued and to pursue.
• 54:18
  Wash yourself, take care of your hygiene, smell good, put on
• 54:24
  something. And I love what Naomi says here
• 54:27
  on top of it. She goes, don't talk to him when
• 54:28
  he's hungry. You know, man, how they get when
• 54:32
  they're hungry, right? So wait till he has a full belly
• 54:36
  and then talk to him about all this legal stuff about, you
• 54:38
  know, the law about, hey, it might be your wife, right?
• 54:40
  Wait till he has a full stomach. So I would say, look, there is
• 54:46
  something here, I think for us, that you have an older woman
• 54:51
  helping a younger woman in this area of her life, and Christians
• 54:58
  come up with very clever ideas for how to approach practical
• 55:01
  things in life. Here's one of them.
• 55:04
  God sees what's in the heart, not what's outside, right?
• 55:09
  They quote first Samuel. That has nothing to do with
• 55:12
  hygiene. That has nothing to do with how
• 55:16
  you carry yourself. That has nothing to do with any
• 55:19
  of that. So to apply that so that you can
• 55:21
  be sloppy and you don't care about your appearance or how you
• 55:26
  carry yourself is very unwise. It's very unwise.
• 55:32
  Women should be feminine, and if they don't know how to be
• 55:34
  feminine, they should be trained to be feminine.
• 55:37
  Men should be clean, Men should take care of their physique.
• 55:42
  There's nothing unspiritual about that.
• 55:46
  And again, if we don't have that kind of knowledge, then those
• 55:50
  who are single here, especially maybe you didn't grow up with a
• 55:52
  father who invested in you in that way or a mother who
• 55:54
  invested in you in that way. Then look around the church and
• 55:58
  humble yourself and ask questions, particularly those
• 56:02
  who are married and look at some of that you admire.
• 56:05
  Look at somebody that is presentable and and ask them.
• 56:09
  Ask them some things and we should be who those who are
• 56:12
  willing to receive that kind of questioning be willing and
• 56:16
  kindness and gentleness to speak, speak into people's
• 56:18
  lives. I don't have any children.
• 56:21
  I hope to have children soon. And if God were to give me a son
• 56:25
  or a daughter, give us children at at a right stage of life, I
• 56:29
  will tell them among many things, not as a priority, but
• 56:31
  among many things, I would say, son, the way you carry yourself
• 56:34
  in public will either work for you or against you.
• 56:39
  That's just the way people are. That's just the way people
• 56:40
  think. So let it work for you.
• 56:42
  That's not a call to be extravagant.
• 56:44
  That's not a call to do surgical stuff.
• 56:47
  Just basic, basic approaches to being somebody who is
• 56:52
  presentable. But it's not just about physical
• 56:56
  appearance. It's not just about what you
• 56:57
  wear. It's about even your skills
• 57:00
  socially. So I think there are two extreme
• 57:03
  approaches when it comes to pursuing.
• 57:08
  I call one the hermit approach and I call the other the hyper
• 57:12
  approach. So hermit is somebody who lives
• 57:15
  in solitude for the sake of religious disciplines, right?
• 57:18
  We're not hermits as Christians, we live in community.
• 57:23
  But there are those who have maybe it's personality.
• 57:25
  That's why I want to be gentle here.
• 57:26
  You have maybe just it's your personality.
• 57:27
  And this may be shocking to you. I'm an introvert by nature.
• 57:31
  I love to be alone. I get my energy from being alone
• 57:34
  and reading books. That's just the way I am.
• 57:36
  I love people, but I also love to be by myself.
• 57:42
  And there are some people on the spectrum.
• 57:43
  It's, it's a different intensity.
• 57:45
  Some people are like, I love people because God told me to
• 57:47
  love people, but I, I just, I'd love to really be alone.
• 57:50
  I just, I don't like to interact with people.
• 57:53
  Listen again, going back to what I said in the message, you, you
• 57:57
  have to be somebody who's willing to talk and carry on a
• 58:03
  conversation. So if a gentleman approaches you
• 58:07
  in the church or any other spiritual setting or any setting
• 58:10
  for that matter, it's not ungodly or unspiritual to
• 58:14
  converse, right? So, hey, how are you?
• 58:17
  Good. All right.
• 58:20
  How long you become of the church?
• 58:21
  Quite a bit. What's your testimony?
• 58:25
  God save me. I'm a Sinner saved by grace.
• 58:28
  All right, you can talk, ladies. You can.
• 58:32
  Good. How are?
• 58:33
  You. How long you been coming here?
• 58:35
  Are you a member here? No.
• 58:36
  What do you do? What's your testimony?
• 58:37
  That's OK. Open up talk.
• 58:41
  It's fine. And gentlemen, can I tell you
• 58:44
  something? Just because a lady says what
• 58:47
  did you do this weekend doesn't mean she's into you necessarily.
• 58:52
  You know why? The cashier at Mariano's asked
• 58:54
  the same question. And you don't think that, did
• 58:56
  you? So don't leave.
• 58:58
  You're saying she asked me what I did and she asked me my
• 59:02
  testimony and now you're texting your buddies.
• 59:04
  I found the one. Just relax.
• 59:07
  Just relax. Have a conversation, right?
• 59:11
  So. The hermit approach.
• 59:14
  You just want to live in your own world.
• 59:15
  You don't want to talk to anybody.
• 59:16
  You don't want to carry on conversation.
• 59:18
  Well, your singleness might be longer than you had planned for.
• 59:22
  OK, there's more that I can say. Again, leave it for the Q&A.
• 59:26
  The hyper approach, and we're running out of time here.
• 59:29
  So I got to Fast forward the hyper approach, This is the
• 59:31
  opposite of the hermit approach. And this is the person that
• 59:35
  holds nothing back, all right? And everybody knows that this
• 59:40
  person is after a spouse. And that could be true for a guy
• 59:43
  or for a woman. That is not helpful for your
• 59:46
  case. So the hyper approach can look
• 59:51
  like many things. It can look like going back to a
• 59:53
  conversational example. How are you, sister?
• 59:57
  Wonderful. Do you enjoy the service?
• 59:59
  Yeah. You know the one point that
• 1:00:00
  pastor made? Really.
• 1:00:01
  Minister to me. That's great.
• 1:00:02
  That's great. How many kids do you want to
• 1:00:05
  have? You think that's funny, But
• 1:00:09
  there's some people, they don't even know the person's last
• 1:00:12
  name. They're already asking for a
• 1:00:13
  number. They want them to just gush out
• 1:00:18
  absolutely everything they have in mind concerning marriage,
• 1:00:20
  spouse, family, where to live, what kind of fence they want to
• 1:00:22
  have, all that kind of stuff. Relax.
• 1:00:26
  Pump the brakes. You can talk to somebody more
• 1:00:30
  than once, twice, five times and not give off the vibe that
• 1:00:33
  you're ready to take them and put a ring on the finger without
• 1:00:36
  their choice. And it's not good.
• 1:00:39
  Listen, gentlemen, listen very carefully.
• 1:00:41
  It's not good. And this is true for women, but
• 1:00:42
  it's more for men to jump from woman to woman to woman, making
• 1:00:48
  known right away that you're looking to get married because a
• 1:00:51
  woman's not going to feel like you're pursuing them.
• 1:00:53
  They're going to feel like you're pursuing marriage and
• 1:00:56
  you're just willing. To go after anybody, so just be
• 1:01:00
  a brother, be friendly, be kind, be patient and just let things
• 1:01:06
  flow naturally and read body language.
• 1:01:10
  Read body language. So maybe the person doesn't have
• 1:01:16
  the the hermit tendencies but they just don't want to after
• 1:01:20
  the 3rd or 4th time carry on in conversation.
• 1:01:22
  Get to know you on a deeper level.
• 1:01:23
  OK then leave it alone. Stop harassing them man when you
• 1:01:27
  see them around. Hi, how are you?
• 1:01:28
  Good, good, good small talk. But you don't have to hound them
• 1:01:31
  and you don't have to ask what's wrong with me.
• 1:01:33
  Why don't you talk to me more? Just they're not interested.
• 1:01:35
  It's OK. Just move on, right?
• 1:01:40
  And let me bring this last point to you.
• 1:01:43
  Be open to God's providential leading.
• 1:01:46
  So there are some who not only reject prospects because of a
• 1:01:49
  standard of perfection that is not realistic, but because the
• 1:01:53
  opportunity does not line up with their narrative, their
• 1:01:57
  personalized idea of how they're going to come together with a
• 1:02:01
  person that God planned for them.
• 1:02:04
  There are people like that. How this is going does not fit
• 1:02:08
  with the script that I've created or that I've even prayed
• 1:02:11
  for. And so I'm never no longer going
• 1:02:13
  to entertain it. God can have somebody for you
• 1:02:20
  and that person was in love at first sight.
• 1:02:24
  God can have somebody for you and they don't share the same
• 1:02:26
  cultural background. God can have somebody for you
• 1:02:31
  that you never expected was to be for you.
• 1:02:36
  And that's not to give you something less than what you
• 1:02:38
  hope, it's to give you something better.
• 1:02:41
  There is a excerpt that I want to read to you from the book The
• 1:02:44
  Mystery of Providence, written by Puritan John Flavell, and I
• 1:02:48
  want to read to you in the chapter that speaks on family
• 1:02:51
  affairs. So I'm just going to read this
• 1:02:53
  as a closing statement. He writes quote.
• 1:02:57
  That Providence has a special hand in our marriage is evident
• 1:03:01
  both from Scripture assertions and the acknowledgements of holy
• 1:03:04
  men who in that great event of their lives have still owned and
• 1:03:09
  acknowledged the directing hand of Providence.
• 1:03:12
  Take an instance of both. The Scripture plainly asserts
• 1:03:16
  the dominion of Providence over this affair.
• 1:03:19
  A prudent wife is from the Lord. Proverbs 1914.
• 1:03:24
  Whosoever findeth wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor
• 1:03:28
  of the Lord. Proverbs 1822.
• 1:03:31
  So for children, lo, children are a heritage from the Lord,
• 1:03:34
  and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
• 1:03:36
  Psalm 127. Three, pay attention to this
• 1:03:39
  part. There is very much of Providence
• 1:03:43
  seen in appointing the parties for each other.
• 1:03:46
  In this, the Lord often goes beyond our thoughts and plans.
• 1:03:50
  Yeah, and often crosses men's desires and designs.
• 1:03:54
  To their great advantage, not what they expect, but what His
• 1:03:58
  infinite wisdom judges best and most beneficial for them, takes
• 1:04:02
  place. Hence it is that probabilities
• 1:04:05
  are so often dashed. And things remote and utterly
• 1:04:09
  improbable are brought about and very strange and unaccountable
• 1:04:14
  methods of Providence. That's profound.
• 1:04:20
  So I hope that your appetite has been excited for what we have in
• 1:04:24
  store for the rest of this day. But let me conclude by just
• 1:04:27
  revising some of these points singles, I hope that you have
• 1:04:31
  fresh fuel to cultivate a holy anxiety, be strategic with your
• 1:04:34
  singleness and see how God will use it and actually make you
• 1:04:37
  happy. A happiness that can that can
• 1:04:40
  challenge the anxieties you have for marriage to invest in
• 1:04:44
  intimate relationships. There is a possibility for
• 1:04:47
  meaningful connections outside and beyond marriage.
• 1:04:50
  Third, remember, remember, remember where your true
• 1:04:52
  satisfaction comes from. You're not going to find
• 1:04:54
  ultimately marriage. You're only going to find in the
• 1:04:57
  one who made you. And lastly, take those general
• 1:05:01
  guidelines and see if they apply to you, and hopefully they'll
• 1:05:03
  open your mind to more specific questions for our Q&A.
• 1:05:06
  Shall we pray? Lord, we thank you for this
• 1:05:15
  time, and we ask that you help us retain these truths.
• 1:05:20
  Lord, we pray that more than anything else, this would
• 1:05:22
  encourage our hearts as we rest in your Providence that no
• 1:05:27
  matter what we do like Ruth, as we seek to obey You in the
• 1:05:30
  circumstances that are set before us, we can trust that you
• 1:05:33
  will take care of the other areas in our lives.
• 1:05:36
  So Lord, we ask them that you would bless this food as we
• 1:05:39
  fellowship. We pray that you bless the next
• 1:05:42
  session and the Q&A and everything in between.
• 1:05:44
  Lord, we give you glory for this time in Jesus name, Amen.
• 1:05:48
  Amen.