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Are Men Mostly Looking For Sex In Chapter Two? · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome to I Do Part two, and it's your real
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: life mentors.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: People single just like you.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: It's mister Wright and my partner Louise, and today we're
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: gonna do something fun. We're gonna take a bunch of
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: hot topic questions and kind of see as men and
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: women where our answers differ and where they.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Actually might line up.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: And just to keep everything fair, we have producer Heather
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: that's going to be a referee. She's gonna make sure
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: we stay on time and on topic and make sure
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: that we are giving our best versions of these answers
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: with the most honesty direct us, even if we may
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: not agree.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: This is perfect.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: I'm happy to jump in and I'll ask you guys
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: the questions and then you'll give your honest responses. So,
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: mister Wright, we'll kick it off with you who should
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: text first? After you meet someone new. I'm going to
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: put twenty seconds on the clock.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Well, I think it's going to be the guy.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: And you know, I don't want to steal Louise's line
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: from earlier, but you know, chivalry is not dead, and
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I think it's kind.
• 1:18
  Speaker 5: Of stole my line. Mister Wright.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: This is my twenty seconds. This is either throw a flag.
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: He's fiery.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I think it's the guy's responsibility to make that first
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: leap and to reach out perfect.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: That was twenty seconds.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: Okay, so, Louise, twenty seconds on the clock, you give
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: me your answer.
• 1:38
  Speaker 5: I one hundred percent feel that across the board, the
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: guy should absolutely text first. It's how I'm raising my sons.
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: And I know you know, obviously different generations have different perspectives,
• 1:52
  Speaker 5: but I strongly believe now that we're sharing our line,
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: mister Wright, that chivalry is not dead.
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: Perfect right within twenty seconds and you agree with the
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: dating game.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 4: This is a quick follow up though, and I'm not
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: going to put time on this, but I want to
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: know though. Okay, so does that mean you know you
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: exchange numbers with a guy either he asks for yours.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: A woman should never be the first one to initiate conversation.
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: That was so great or here's the picture I took
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: of us that was so fun meeting you out on
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: the golf course today. Like, no, you both made faces
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: just now. I know nobody can see this but me,
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: but you both kind of made faces when I said that.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: No, listen, I'll.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Say if there was something pertinent, If there was something
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: that happened that would make the woman text first or
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: reach out first, go for it.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking if it's a stalement, you walk away,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: you're both kind of grinning, you're both kind of happy
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: with what happened. I think if it's an even even,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I think the guy I should go first. But if
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: you know, if the woman has something to say, or
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: something to respond, or something to spark it, I think
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: go for it.
• 2:58
  Speaker 5: I still feel whether you meet somebody in person at
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: a bar, or somebody puts you on a group text
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: because they're setting you up, I just really feel it
• 3:07
  Speaker 5: should be the guy who does kind of the first outreach.
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: It just shows what a gentleman he is, and I
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: think it shows you know, how he's going to treat
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: his lady, just the time and a place where you know,
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: kind of the female could be the one who takes charge.
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: Use your imagination, but I do feel the guy, especially
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: in the beginning, it's important to kind of create those roles.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Okay, interesting, interesting take.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: Okay, so our next question is how long till you
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: reach out after you've had that first date Again, I'm
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: going to go with a strong twenty seconds mister Wright,
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: take it away.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this is not chapter one, this is not
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: the whole wait two days, wait three days, wait a week,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: wait a month, whatever it is. I think that especially
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: if the date went well, I'm texting that night, I'm
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: taxed on the way home, make sure you got home safe,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: call me later, whatever it is. But we're not messing
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: around chapter two. We're giving up on the on the
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: polite waiting.
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  Speaker 3: Twenty seconds, mister Wright.
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  Speaker 5: Good, I totally agree with you. You can tell we have
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: all been around dating long enough to know that when
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: you're on a date and it's a click and you
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  Speaker 5: know you're going to go out again, and it's an
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: energy between two people, there is no waiting. It's kind
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: of like you already know when you're going to see
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: that person while you're sitting on the date. They say
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: text me when you get home, or they're reaching out
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: and saying did you get home, And I've had guys
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: call me and we talk the entire way home.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Perfect.
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: We're at twenty seconds, Louise, Okay, amazing. I love that
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  Speaker 4: so far we're fairly aligned both as men and women
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  Speaker 4: and single. So I like this Okay, Louise, let's have
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: you take this one first, biggest red flags you think
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: there are when it comes to men, and I also
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: want you to tell me the biggest red flags you
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  Speaker 4: think they're are for women.
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  Speaker 5: I have more than twenty seconds.
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  Speaker 4: Please, Yes, I was gonna say, we'll give you more
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  Speaker 4: than twenty for this one. Let's say, mister Wright, Okay, say,
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: let's do thirty five seconds. So give me a couple
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  Speaker 4: of red flags for men, couple of red flags for women,
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  Speaker 4: and go.
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  Speaker 5: Biggest red flag for men. Talks horribly about the mother
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  Speaker 5: of his children. Number one. Number two talks horribly about
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  Speaker 5: every girlfriend. Number three cheater. Number four is a strange
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  Speaker 5: from his children. Number five is a strange from his family.
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  Speaker 3: Twenty seconds.
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  Speaker 5: Number six has no friends from different chapters in his life.
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  Speaker 3: Give me some red flags for women, Louise.
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  Speaker 5: Red flags for women. A girl who gets so dressed
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  Speaker 5: up on the first date that it's like she's going
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  Speaker 5: to the prom.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, and that's thirty five seconds.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, all right, So mister Wright, same question. I
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: want you to give me red flags for men and women.
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  Speaker 4: I'm putting thirty five seconds on the clock when you're
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: ready go.
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  Speaker 1: So red flags for men is if they don't introduce
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  Speaker 1: you to their friends. Guys can be very very honest
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: around each other, and sometimes if you're not meeting the
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: guy's friends, big red flag, big red flag, if you're
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: not going to go see the guy's house or where
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: he lives or kind of like what his situation is. Also,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I think a little bit of a red flag for girls.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I think what I have to agree with Louise, and
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: one thing, if they're talking poorly about their ex if
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: they're talking poorly, you know, like just about their past
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: relationships and that's still hanging over them like a cloud.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: They're not over it yet.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: That's thirty five, thanks mister Wright.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, you're getting in there a lot of information.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: I like these. Okay, Louise, this one's for you.
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  Speaker 4: Then we'll go to mister Wright best places to meet
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  Speaker 4: people if you're over thirty five and under sixty five.
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  Speaker 4: So we'll do let's to thirty seconds on the clock
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  Speaker 4: for this one and go.
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  Speaker 5: I think it's really hard. There is really no red onion,
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  Speaker 5: which is a reference for our generation back in the eighties.
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  Speaker 5: I would say that it is so rare that a
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  Speaker 5: guy will come up to a table anymore of girls
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  Speaker 5: or even send over drinks in Los Angeles. It happens
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: more in New York and Chicago. I think if you
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: really want to go meet somebody, the only place to
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  Speaker 5: go in Los Angeles is Balltaire, maybe a couple places
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  Speaker 5: in Malibu. But I think it's actually really hard to
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  Speaker 5: meet people in person.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: Okay, that was thirty seconds, mister Wright.
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: Same question, Where are the best people to meet in
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  Speaker 4: real life? Under over thirty five, under sixty five and go?
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  Speaker 1: So I think it's usually going to be something you'd say,
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  Speaker 1: bars or restaurants or whatever else, and that can always
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  Speaker 1: sort of happen.
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  Speaker 2: But I think, you know, charity events.
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  Speaker 1: I think, you know, like community events where people are
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  Speaker 1: kind of a line and you are going to find
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  Speaker 1: people that kind of think similarly as you.
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  Speaker 2: I think those are great places to meet.
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  Speaker 5: Charity events that you're right, that's a good one.
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  Speaker 1: And then I think that you know, there's also you know,
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  Speaker 1: like the gymnasium, you know, or the or the golf
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  Speaker 1: course or places like that where people being active. That's
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  Speaker 1: what you're into going and do and being somewhere doing
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  Speaker 1: something that you like to do. You're going to probably
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  Speaker 1: find somebody that's similarly aligned.
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  Speaker 5: Like a running club actually, or exactly.
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  Speaker 1: Any it's yoga class, you know, plates, whatever those things are.
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  Speaker 1: That's something that turns you on as an individual. You
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  Speaker 1: hopefully find somebody else that's equally energized by the same activity.
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  Speaker 4: You know.
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  Speaker 5: It's actually a fun place to beat people is at
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  Speaker 5: car rallies. That's actually a fun place to talk to people.
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  Speaker 5: I've met a lot of people there at like classic
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  Speaker 5: car shows or like or like in Malibu, they have
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  Speaker 5: a whole car crawl or different things. It's kind of
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  Speaker 5: fun on a Sunday, just like casual. You go down,
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  Speaker 5: you grab a coffee and there's like people with their
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  Speaker 5: cars and just everyone billing about.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, cool, cool, all right, mister Wright, take this next
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  Speaker 4: one first. Do you have to tell people when you're
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: dating that you're dating other people? I am going to
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  Speaker 4: give you twenty seconds for this one and go all right, Heather.
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  Speaker 1: I think for sure you need to be upfront and
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: honest about what your situation is.
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  Speaker 2: If you're dating around.
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  Speaker 1: I think you owe it to that person if it
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: comes up to tell them. I don't think you have
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to come right out and say you're one of four
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: people that I'm dating.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: But I think that if it comes up.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: You say yes, you know I am dating, and then
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: similarly as if it gets serious, you can let them know. Also, hey,
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  Speaker 1: I want to be exclusive. And that I think is
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: that honesty will help launch hopefully a good relationship and
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: not tarnish it. If someone finds out accidentally that you
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: aren't dating multiple people.
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  Speaker 4: Smart, okay, that's time. Uh, louis same question.
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  Speaker 5: I think in the beginning, isn't it understood that people
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: are dating other people until they kind of find their unicorn?
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  Speaker 5: And then I feel that kind of organically I found
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: that it morphs into more of an exclusive situation suation,
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: And I also think for me, I'm not sleeping with
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: somebody unless we're exclusive.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you this because you bring up
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: a good point, and I think it's important to talk about.
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: You said, isn't it understood that we're seeing other people? Well,
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: I think in the modern day dating world, I want
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: to know from you too, are you going to get
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: hurt more likely if you're not dating multiple people in
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: your chapter two and only dating one person at a time.
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: I think chapter two is an opportunity to try a
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: bunch of different things on. I think that no matter
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: what age you are, getting hurt is a reality. And
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: to quote my dad, better to have loved a little
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: than never to have loved at all. And it's just
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: part of the game, right, And that's how you know
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: something feels really good because you've experienced the bad.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: All right, So I'm going to different and disagree a
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: little bit, like you know, this just made my personality.
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  Speaker 2: But I want to find one person.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: And yes, you might have to date multiple people to
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: get there, but for me, like the outcome is to
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: try and find the person. And that's what I'm working
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: through right now, is to find the person. But it
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: might you know, it might take that you go on
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: you know, multiple dates whatever. But I think I can't
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: date multiple people at the same time. That's just not
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to go out with somebody on
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Monday and then somebody else on Wednesday and somebody else
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: on Friday. I just don't think I would be my
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: authentic self. I think I would be worried about you know,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: like what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. Am I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: coming up across too strong? Am I misleading anybody? So
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: as much as you want to keep I would like
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: to keep options open. I think that really I would
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: only be able to date one person at a time.
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: I agree with you. But let's say some a friend
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: of yours was going to call you up and they
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: were going to say, mister Wright, we have a couple
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: of girls who want to introduce you to or different
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: people want to introduce you people. So you have a date,
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: you know, a drink on a Monday, a coffee on
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: a Wednesday. Like, you don't know if you're going to
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: like Monday, So why wouldn't you at least try Monday
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: and then try Wednesday and if you like one of them,
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: then you go out a second time. But like the first,
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: the second time like we're just getting to know the person.
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: So and we kind of know if somebody is special
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: and there's a real connection. We've probably been on enough
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: dates each to know. And yes, we all want to
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: find our unicorn Dred.
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: Mister Wright just said something interesting. He said, that's not
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: dating to me. So you mean when you're seeing somebody
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: on a more intimate level is when you consider it dating,
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: mister Wright?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think I think going to a
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: coffee or having a drink with somebody. I don't think
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: that's dating, you know, if it's if it's the first
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: time or even the second time, but if you're making
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: concerted efforts, we're going to be seeing each other. You know,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: we're going to see each other regularly. I couldn't just
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: me personally. I couldn't have multiple people that are regular
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: dates that are.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Going you know that.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I'm meaning, you know, I couldn't go on vacation with
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: somebody then go, you know, have dinner with somebody else.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I think that once you start leaning in, yes, you
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: know I would, I would tip over if.
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: I totally agree. I misunderstood. I thought you meant in
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: the beginning of when you're just first meeting people, But
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: when you start to really like somebody and you've gone
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: out of them two, three, four, five times, then for me,
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: that falls under the category that's kind of authentically morphing
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: into an exclusive situation. So for me, I just kind
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: of get the sense that we're both in it and
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: we want to see where it goes. So therefore it's
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: kind of lights out on, you know, dating other people.
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: I want to go back to something you said, Louise,
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: because you said you don't sleep with somebody until you're exclusive,
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: which everybody has.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: Their own preferences when it comes to that.
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: So you're saying, though roughly it's we're going out four
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: or five times, you know, and you've had the conversation
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: with them ahead of time, saying I'm not seeing anybody else.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: I need to know that you're not seeing anybody else
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: before we move to.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: This next chapter.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: There's never any Let's try it out, let's see where
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: this is going, and then we talk about exclusivity after.
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: I am not sleeping with somebody unless it's exclusive, okay,
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: And I mean to be a total pain in the ass.
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: I make somebody and request somebody to get an STD test,
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: which I'm happy.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: To do, too great.
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: And I haven't ever had one person say no to me,
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: not once, and if they did, that would be a
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: red flag for me.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: No, you could have used that a red flat earlier,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Luise the STD test.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: No.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I think that probably in this modern age that you know,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: we're all adults, and I think that you know, asking
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: something like that. I think you also talk about, you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: for guys like have they had of a sectomy? Like
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: have they you know, like like what's their outlook on
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: children like their children.
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: Depends what age you're dating, mister, right.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: It totally does.
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: I mean some people, it doesn't matter if you have
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: a sect to me, let's let's go.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Into one to that. What what do you mean by that?
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: If they're younger older.
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: If the girl is younger, you know, right, then she
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: can get pregnant, right, But girls that are a bit older,
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: that's just not even a reality, right.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, but that's still I mean, I guess the
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: conversations just become more mature. I suppose in this chapter
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: two where you are asking kind of more serious questions
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: about you know, not.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Just you know, STDs and would you be willing to
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: take a test? And you know.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: But I think really kind of like life planning and
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: kind of all those things I think can come up
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: a lot earlier than they do in your chapter one,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: which I think is just a sign of maturity.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: I think it's a sign.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Of being a little bit older and more kind of
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: set in your life. And I think those are important
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: questions to have before you know, relationships get further along.
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you, does it come up sooner
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: in chapter two? Not necessarily always because of maturity because
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: maybe in their marriage they weren't getting any and they
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: want to get off to the races pretty quickly. In
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: this next thing, they're chomping at the bit to get
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: some action. We've heard that before from other people. They've said,
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: you know, some from a man's perspective, they have said,
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: you know, some men are really all about having sex
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: as soon as they get divorced because they weren't getting
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: any in their marriage. Have either of you either experienced
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: that or heard that from friends in chapter two?
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: I think for me my experiences is the people that
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: I did are typically my age, are a bit older,
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: and they're really looking for a companion. And I think,
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: really what the conversation is not about the sex part.
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: It's more about, you know, are you able to, once
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: you've been set in your ways, merge a life with
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: somebody else, and what does that look like? Does the
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: person live long distance? You know, what's the work schedule
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: for both people, what's the commitment with taking care of
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: elderly parents. So it's really more about a time situation,
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: like I was dating somebody out of state and we
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: had a harder time figuring out the schedule ultimately, And
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: it's not about the sex, because the sex comes if
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: you're attracted to somebody and you know it can happen
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: right away, it can happen a few dates down the line.
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: It's more about can our lives merge? And as we
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: get older, we realize everybody has emotional wounds. And what
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: it comes down to also is does your baggage line
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: up with my baggage? And you see that pretty quickly
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: on as you're getting to know somebody.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to have to disagree a little bit here.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's just you know, from being from the from
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: the guy side, I think there's definitely a stronger attraction
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: and looking for sex and for you know, some kind
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: of passion and all the things that probably weren't there
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: in the relationship previously, especially as it was dying and
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: as it was heading toward divorce. And so I think
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: that there is a big need at least initially for
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: a connection romantically.
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: Well, any of course it does, you have to feel attracted,
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: but I.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Think that guys probably are driven more by that.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Again, I can't say from a woman's perspective, but I
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: would imagine that guys are probably even more driven by
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: that because you know, that's it's just it's it's the
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: guy's unfortunately sort of the guy's nature, and and I
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: think that that there is probably more propensity to be
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: drawn to somebody that is going to be willing to
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: match that same sort of sexual energy.
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: Ah, mister Wright is talking maybe a little bit about
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: why men in chapter two ten to go for younger women.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: Is that why because there's there's less less things on
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: their plate, they you know, have maybe less inhibitions. Is
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: I've also heard that men tend to go for younger
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: women in chapter two because men identify themselves at that
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: at that when they are going through the divorce, as
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: the age that they were when they were entering into
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: the marriage. So that's actually meant to where they still
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: feel that they're at, which is why they tend to
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: go back and revert to a younger age when they're
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: dating in chapter two. And not asking you specifically, mister Wright,
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: if that's your experience, but have you seen or Louise,
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: have you seen men in chapter two kind of do that?
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: So I've seen a lot of my friend's ex husbands
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: date the younger girl like the cliche, and it's fun
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: in the beginning, and they look hot and they're easy
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: and all they want is a bag and you know,
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: a couple nice restaurants, and then all of a sudden
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: they want to have a kid, and then they want
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: to be the missus and they have to reverse the phasectomy.
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: There's all the battle with the family, and inevitably what
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: happens is is they break up, and then the guy
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: just moves on to another young girl, and then they
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: get tired, and then as they get older, they want
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: to have somebody who is their passion partner, their best friend,
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: their park bench, and they want to go through that
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: next chapter together. But I see about eighty percent, eighty
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: five percent of the time, most men do want to
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: have fun and kind of pick up the pieces of
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: what they didn't have for a long time, and they
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: do that young route, and then all of a sudden
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: they just don't have enough shared experiences and the kids
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: don't really want to sit at the table people who
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: are the same age interesting. I'm lucky because my ex
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: husband dates, you know, his longtime relationship is age appropriate,
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: and she's amazing, and we're very close, and you know,
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: we're one big modern family. So I got lucky that
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: that's the route that he went, but that's not the
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: case for most of my friends.
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: My dad in chapter two got with my now stepmom,
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: who is nine and a half years younger than him.
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: That's that's different than twenty years younger.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: It's different than twenty years younger.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: But she was in her twenties when they got together,
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: so there was definitely.
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: Not a shared experience.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: She was a single parent. But I mean there was
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: a deb there. I still to this day feel like
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: there's a definite gap in certain things.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: This is all really fascinating.
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: I love where sit on the young girl situation. If
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: you've seen it with his friends, I'm not asking if
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: he's doing it, more curious his opinion.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that there is probably just sort
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: of a guy's desire to go and reclaim a little
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: bit of what he feels like he's lost. And because
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: because going into divorce is one of the biggest gut
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: punches for a guy, especially if it wasn't the choice
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: of the guy, and it, I mean, it just tears
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: away your confidence.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: It tears away you know, you're sort of at.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Your your virility, your manhood, and so I think there's
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: a little bit of wanting to go and show the world.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: That you still got it.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: You know that you that you can still you know
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: you can you can pull the cute girl or.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: And whether that means you end up with them forever
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: or not, time will tell. But I think that there
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: is a propensity for guys, at least initially to look
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: for younger girls. And I think that there is this
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: sort of disconnect in a certain way where younger girls,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm not talking girls and they're you know, twenty one,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: twenty two. I'm talking about younger than guys, whether it's
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: ten years or fifteen years, that look for something in
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: older guys, whether stability, whether it's financial security, whether it's experience,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: or or something in there. I can't quite figure out
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: what it is maturity that they're not seeing in guys
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: at their own age, and especially if they're frustrated with
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: dating guys in their own sort of their own age bracket.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: And so, but I think ultimately to Luise's point, especially
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: if you have kids as a guy, you want to
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: find somebody that compliments your modern family, whatever that looks like.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: You want to find somebody that will be able to
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: fit in there and not cause an additional rift within
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: the kids within the ex wife, within your world, because
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: we've seen it too often.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: You know, you have the.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Really old guy with a really young girl, and everybody
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: just kind of shakes their head and knows exactly what's
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: going on.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: But I think that.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: There is room in the middle for age difference that
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: makes sense for both the woman and the man.
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: Mister Wright will go for you for this one to
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: start off. When dating, does the person meet the kids
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: and does that change if your kids are out of
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: the house.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you forty seconds for this one.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I do have big opinions on this, and
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I do think that you have to be incredibly sensitive
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to your kids. And so I don't think you can
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: say make a blanket statement about when in the right
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: time it is to meet or not meet, or introduce
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: or whatever. And age has something to do with it,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Maturity has something to do with it. Also, it has
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: to do a little bit with what happened to break
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: up the marriage to begin with. So I think that
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I don't think you should lie to your kids. I
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: don't think you should should mislead them. I have a
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: you know, my personal philosophy is just to be honest.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: If they ask questions, respond honestly. But in terms of
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: introducing them, I don't think you should introduce them to
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: somebody unless you think that they are worthy and they're
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: going to be sticking around because you don't want to
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: have a turner style. That's forty seconds are using the
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: metric system and what really quick and I feel like
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: they went really fast.
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: These are actually, I think important questions and answers.
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: It's good, it's good what you're saying, though I really
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: I want to bounce the question though, to Louise to
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: jump in and give your thoughts and opinions on what
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: mister Wright is saying.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: So I think the most important thing is if you're
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: dating somebody, I think mister Riot is correct. It has
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: to do with the situation of how you met that person.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: For example, if there was overlap and that's the reason
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: for the divorce, which is how I grew up, that
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: is a situation where you have to be very very
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: very very careful and you're probably not going to have
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: joint tables for a long time. If ever, I also
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: think it depends on the age when you got your
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: children divorce and I hate to say it, but also
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: for a mother you know, my kids were very young,
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: they were third and fifth grade, and there was no
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: world where at the time that they were living in
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: my house, there was going to be a guy's sleeping
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: in my bed. Never was going to do it. They've
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: met one person, it was only recently, and to be
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: honest with you, they did not like him. So it's
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: now really kind of you know, changed my thing. But
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: when they went to college, they both sat me down
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: separately and they said, Mom, you were an amazing mom.
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: You put us first. We want you to go live
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: your life now. We will love whoever you love. And
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: we saw that you put us first, but we are
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: ready for you to have your chapter two. And that
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: blessing for me was so important, and that acknowledgment of
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: how I handled it because I have watched friends and
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: it's been a revolving door of guys in their bed,
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: and I think it's screws kids up. I think it's
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: a really bad teaching moment for kids to see that,
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: especially for a mother. So I think, you know, to
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: mister Wright's point, it's situation by situation, but there's a
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: lot of factors.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I feel like that was way more than forty sevens
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: I'm just I just feel like you're taking your playing
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: favorites her other.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, I was throwing it back to you.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: I was going to say, mister Wright, what do you
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: think about when does it change things when the kids
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: are out of the house.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: You know, I think once the kids are out of
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: the house, they're adults, you know, unless they you know, Yeah,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think once the kids are out of
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: the house, all bets are off. And I think that
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: you know, you're you're allowed to to kind of chase
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: your happiness and be less concerned about the kids because
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: they're off living their own.
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: Lives and they want to focus on their own lives.
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: They don't want to worry about us.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Well. Sorry.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: My question though, is is if they're out of the house,
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: do you introduce them sooner than you would if they
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: lived in the house.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: If they're out of the house, I think you just
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think there's sooner or later really matters.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I think if it's if it works out, it's if
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: it's convenient than yes. But I don't think you start
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: bringing them around any sooner than you would otherwise. But
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I think that you know, when the kids are younger,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I think to Luise's point, you know, I don't think
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: you want to have, you know, a new guy or
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: a new girl, you know, walking down the steps, you know,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: to breakfast in the morning wearing you know, wearing a
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: robe and slippers. So I think you canna be really,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: really sick they're.
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: Wearing a robe and slippers.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty small one.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: My mom and my stepdad separated for a period of
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: time before getting back together, and my mom was immediately
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: dating somebody who used to do the knock on the
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: front door with a box of donuts thing and say, oh,
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: I just happened to be in the neighborhood.
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: Kids are smarter than that.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Well, I wasn't a kid when he was doing it,
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: so it was extremely obnoxious.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: I will say that.
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: I would literally be like, dude, dude, I heard you
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: this morning, like sneak out. I know you didn't go
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: anywhere but around the corner to get donuts and come back.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: So yeah, people listening in chapter two, don't do that.
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: It's actually really annoying and not cool.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And I think it's okay to I mean to try
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: and be sensitive to the kids by being I don't
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: saying sneaky, but you can keep it to yourself. But
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: if I'm confronted by one of my kids on something,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I will tell them. I will answer them honestly. I'm
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: not going to overshare, you know, I'm not going to
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: treat them with the luck my friend. I'm not going
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: to gossip with them about my love life. But if
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: they asked me a question, are you you know, are
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: you seeing somebody?
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Are you whatever? Yes, I'm going to answer them honestly.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, I'm going to ask you both an honest question
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: because I can't imagine even dating right now, in this space,
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: at this time in my life. Just with what I
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: hear about the dating landscape, why do people in chapter
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: two even want to date?
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Why? I mean, it just sounds you've been so Heather,
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: but it sounds.
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: Even more complicated if I had kids and I had
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: like an ex that I had to deal with for
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: the rest of my life, Like why does anybody even
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: want to date in chapter two?
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: First of all, I'm so sad to hear you say that,
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: because I know you've been heard. But to be honest
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: with you, there's no greater feeling than loving somebody and
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: being loved and to share a life with somebody, and
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: especially as you've finished the chapter of your kids getting older,
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: I mean, I don't want to be alone. I want
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: to have a partner, Somebody to go get a coffee with,
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: Somebody go on a walk with by the beach, Somebody
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: to sit next to you while I'm reading a book,
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: Somebody to go to a fun night in Vegas and
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: do something crazy. Just it's It's the greatest thing in
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: the world.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: Love.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: And I think that in this chapter two, especially if
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: you find somebody that has a similar experience, whether you
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: both have kids, you both have you know, sort of
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: like breakup situations that were that were somewhat similar. You
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: have this thing in common that is very personal and
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: very real, and and you both can learn from your mistakes.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: And I think that there's an amazing way to build
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: even stronger bond than you had in your chapter one
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: because you've both been hurt or you both have had
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: this similar experience and you're sensitive to it.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Chapter one.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you, you know, I learned so much about
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: myself as a husband, as a father, as a partner,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: all these things, and I think I am a much better
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: version of myself because of the things that I learned
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: along the way even though it hurt, and so hopefully
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: you know in this chapter two. Yeah, it's complicated, don't
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: get me wrong. It's complicated. Meeting people's complicated works, complicated
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: kids are complicated. But when you do find that right
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: puzzle piece, it does I think feel even that much better.
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: I think you're going to you learn a lot also
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: in divorce too, about yourself. I mean, it's an interesting
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: time as you're learning to do things on your own
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: and make decisions and just kind of understand who you
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: are as we get older and what your needs are.
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: And it's been almost more of a growing experience for
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: me in the time that I've been divorced than at
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: the time that I was married in terms of getting
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: to know myself, because I think when you get married
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: in the beginning, you're looking for, you know, a partner
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: and somebody to be a father and build a life
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: together and all of that, and it's just it's an
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: interesting growing time post divorce.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Well, this has been so much fun.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Louise, thank you for showing up, Heather, thank you for
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: keeping us honest and on time, and we look forward
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: to continuing this conversation with more questions from listeners as
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: we go.
• 31:09
  Speaker 5: Forward, and if you're going through a divorce, finding Chapter
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: two hard to navigate and need some advice, we are
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: here to help. Send us an email or leave us
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes, and
• 31:21
  Speaker 5: follow us on socials. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: podcast where falling in love is the main objective.