Latest / Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks / Where the Next Step Lands - Hogen Roshi

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Where the Next Step Lands - Hogen Roshi · Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks

• 0:00
  Jomon: Hello and welcome. This is the Zen Community of Oregon, making the teachings of the Buddhadharma accessible to support your practice. New episodes air every week.
• 0:27
  Hogen: What I noticed, I was noticing this morning, is after a long week, a happy time, a troubled time, a time of great effort, success, failure, learning and despairing, the same, the exact same life force is moving through us. The tingling life energy that is always present, dynamic has brought forth a new afternoon, a new day. So no matter what we think happened last night or last week, always a new time appears. Always, never before experienced. Never before experienced.
• 1:37
  Is that true? Check it out. This moment has never before been experienced. It's always fresh. And of course, it's colored by all of our beliefs and thoughts and things, shaped by that.
• 1:53
  But when it's shorn of our mental activity, it is fresh. So in a way that's what we've been practicing all week. It's been practicing all week to be present and to let go of the extra, the extraneous mental activity that obscures the bright presence of this moment. So what would your life, what would this moment be like? What would your future practice be like?
• 2:43
  What would it be like as you go forward from this moment? As the story of your life unfolds, if it were unblocked, if it were clear, what would your life be like if there was clarity and clarity and clarity and clarity and clarity? Now clarity doesn't mean a particular state or condition. Clarity means great attention and presence, whatever is. There's clarity about that.
• 3:26
  What if our lives were unfolding from clear moment to clear moment, even in the dark and difficult times. The next moment always has a flow, has a direction. It's like a dance step. You know, one movement follows a previous movement. Each drop of a river follows the previous drops down the same channel.
• 4:00
  And this feels ordinary. And things appear to flow, we don't even notice the flow, we don't even notice that as long as, as what's unfolding is in accord with our predictions. And it's very surprising when something, when the, the flow brings something new. In a way, what we've been practicing all week is not doing something, but not, doing not doing something. To let go.
• 4:56
  To let go of dragging the past and our opinions about it, whether it's good, bad or indifferent, dragging those along with us. Or obscuring our next step because we're so worried about what the future might or might not bring. We can say that this is karma. Karma is the concatenation of the conglomerate of our thoughts and actions. All the things that we have built with each thought, each movement, each choice, each act of generosity, each act of love, each act of selfishness, compassion, everything we've consumed.
• 5:43
  That all results in this particular collection we have right here. This conglomerate being. And our karma is simply the unfolding of that aggregation. That when we have accumulated a certain texture, a certain way of being, a certain movement, then the next moment we're going to follow that. And as we practice, we begin clearing the way in a way.
• 6:20
  Clearing some of the extra burden. We begin opening up the way so that our particular karmic stream, our particular way of being in the world can move more freely. I think there is inherent satisfaction. An inherent satisfaction when we watch one dance step follow the next. We watch the flow of it goes from this to this to this to this to this.
• 7:10
  And the trajectory of that flow has to do with our vows, our deep aspiration, the heart's aspiration, and then taking the next step, taking the next step, not knowing where it's going to lead. And in this way, our life is carried along by this mysterious flow of life energy, carried along in our particular shape, With our particular mind, particular body, our particular unfolding. And so we've been practicing all week not to have each step be hesitating and full of doubt because it's good, bad, right, wrong, I know where it's going to lead. To not be fixated on what we might experience. But to be willing to be present.
• 8:20
  The future of course is unknown. But often we try to shape it out of fear. We keep hoping that this unfolding of karma, this unfolding of our lives is going to go in the direction to look the way I think it should look. A modern version of a classic tale. A sage living in a community.
• 9:03
  Rural place. And the government brings in electricity. Great. Place is great. Wonderful.
• 9:14
  We can now have lights. Now have power. Sage says, well, maybe so, let's see what happens. And with more power and more light, people started getting more and more things done. Great, great, Let's see what happens.
• 9:33
  And they worked longer and harder and had more stress and they began feeling bad because they were having so much stress because their life was so burdensome. Terrible, terrible. Let's wait, let's wait. Because they were under this stress and they worked hard, they wanted to make, solve some of the problems that the stress had created. And so they then began trying to create more opportunities so they could solve the problems that the stress had created, which was the function of the power that was being generated by the electricity.
• 10:10
  Let's wait. Let's see how it goes. And as they had more opportunities and more education, they actually became more dissatisfied and more unhappy, because they realized what was possible and they realized the inadequacy and the limitations of the situation they were in. And they were saying, oh, this is now terrible. It could be so much better and now it's not.
• 10:38
  It's really, really something's wrong. Was at fault. Let's just wait, just wait. Not so sure, let's wait. And so they build more hospitals and more factories and more, use more resources and build more roads and made more money and everybody's feeling very prosperous.
• 11:00
  Great, great, great, great. We'll see. And along with that came more pollution, more bad traffic. And all the improvements caused more debt. And suddenly they had to raise the taxes in order to pay for the improvements that were all the way on back.
• 11:29
  We'll see. We'll see. And debt, created more entrepreneurs, more banks, more investments, went into more debt and on and on and on and on. There's nothing wrong with this. We just wait, we'll see.
• 11:59
  It will go up, it will go down. As we go forward with our practice, our lives we're inevitably, indubitably and electively will encounter these kind of assassitudes, these kind of waves. Every action has unexpected consequences. Every advantage comes with disadvantages. Every benefit has a downside.
• 12:26
  Every problem has unexpected solutions. That's the way it is. So what if, because of this practice that we've been doing of paying attention and letting go and being present and really being with what is, we were unafraid of the waves of the future? We were unafraid. It'll be difficult, it'll be easy.
• 13:01
  The eight worldly winds will still operate, pressure and pain, loss and gain, on and so forth. So we come, we do this session, we've been practicing here for a few days. A few weeks ago we did a ten day session and in that session this is only, we still have three more days to go. So the very idea, oh, I'm getting tired, the end of the session, is just made up. You you can't tell this day from any previous day, they're all the same day without the mind keeping track.
• 13:39
  This could be the twentieth day of this could be the first day of Cision. Without the mind keeping track of making labels, we don't know. We don't know whether this is the last day of our life or not. We don't know. So what if all this practice that we've done results in simply us being more relaxed and at ease with the waves of challenge?
• 14:09
  What if the purpose of our life and all this practice was not prosperity theology, not even that every lesson we learn is going to move us to perfection and wisdom? What if the purpose of our life was living? What if the purpose of our life was living? The purpose of our breath is breathing. The purpose of eating is eating.
• 14:48
  They have certain effects, you know, perhaps. What if we changed our attitude because of the practice that we've been doing, because of this time together, instead of leading a life that is waiting to be fulfilled and hoping for the next whatever, we were leading a life of satisfaction and activity. We were living a life of aliveness. What if life's purpose and meaning in this very visceral sense was exactly what we are encountering? That it's not about I'll do this and I'll get some future reward, I'll get some future awakening, I'll get some future peace or happiness, but right here, right now.
• 16:03
  What if because of all of our practice that we've been doing, all this hard work that we've put in, that we can let go of the continual yes, but the doubt and vacillation and instead respond to this moment creatively, wholeheartedly, courageously. The purpose of being in the present moment is just to be in the present moment. And the satisfaction that we can find in practice has to be found in the satisfaction of being alive right now. Because everything else will come and go. It will be good and bad.
• 16:52
  It will be up and down. So the richness of this life, whether we're tired, whether we're befuddled, whether we've stayed up, whether we broke a bone, whether our mind is clear or not clear, It's just the way it is. Just the way it is. And what if just the way it is is not just good enough, but what if just the way it is is the apex, apex of our evolution. As I mentioned to several people, this very moment the way it is has resulted in multitudes of human beings.
• 17:33
  Multitudes of human beings providing food for all of our ancestors and our ancestors getting together and all the hard work that they did and everything that was required for us to be who we are right now requires the entire world actually. What if this apex, apex of our life right here, right now, we appreciated it. I'm alive. I may be, you know, grumpy and depressed, but it's okay. Temporary.
• 18:13
  So then when we have that appreciation, and it doesn't mean that we're Pollyanna and bright and beautiful or we're Doctor. Pangalosios, it means that if we appreciate whatever we happen to deal with right now, whatever our particular bundle of karma is and we make the best choice in alignment with our vow, make the best choice, make the best choice now and now and now and now now, we end up with the best future. And by best, I mean, what if our best choice was in alignment with our heart's aspiration, in alignment with our vow? We can't make choices for what's going to happen next week. We can only have a direction.
• 19:07
  What if our heart's aspiration we look closely, was to be a wise, mature person who is generous, kind, open hearted, who is a benefit to our self, our family, community? Perhaps that's the aspiration, like trying to walk to the North Pole or walking to the moon. That's the direction. That's where we're headed. And each step, each step, each step we make the best decision towards that aspiration.
• 19:44
  We don't know what we're going to encounter along the road, it's absolutely unknown. But we're alive right now, we can make a step right now and we have a sense, an inner sense of this is the unfolding of my karma in the direction of my heart's aspiration. And perhaps all week long that's what we've been engaged in. That's the practice that we've been doing. Taking a step towards our heart's aspiration one breath at a time, one breath at a time with clarity or befuddlement, but unfolding of our life's energy.
• 20:30
  And of course, by that criterion, we've all succeeded brilliantly. So congratulations. We've all succeeded brilliantly. We can't go off the path. Now that's has to include something a little broader for that statement.
• 20:54
  But when our mind is clear and we are present in present moment and we have a sense of our heart's aspiration, every step is a step on the way. A little aside on personality, Chosin was saying yesterday that she gave up her personality and I think that it wasn't quite what she meant because everything has a personality. This lecturer has a personality. It's graceful and balanced and a little shy, very taciturn, kind of wallflower. But whether we're attached to those personalities, whether we think that's who I am is a different matter.
• 21:45
  If we think that I'm, you know, a blue person or a green person or a pink person or whatever, we think that's my identity, I'm a cowboy, I'm an ingenue, I'm whatever. Then that identification is where we really get stuck. We keep trying to say, okay, I've got to act the part, I've to act the part, I've to act the role. So I think that ability to see our personality is, you know, one part of our karmic bundle. Hako and Natori Zinji, Hako and Zinji's number one disciple, in the book The Inexhaustible Lamp of the Dharma, The Inexhaustible Dharma Lamp, says that advanced practice is when we begin to realize that our body does not belong to us.
• 22:40
  Our personality does not belong to us. And in the, we often chant at the OMP meetings, the Ordained Apostolate meetings, a Sutta from the Pali Canon called the Tamaka Sutta, which says it is not yours. The Buddha says the eye is not yours, the ear is not yours, the mouth is not yours, the body is not yours. Let go of it. Let go of your identification with these things for your great relief and the happiness of all beings.
• 23:09
  Let go of these false identifications. That's what we've been doing all week. We let go of our idea of who we think we are and come back to the breath. We let go of our idea of our limitations and our shape, our picture. And we come back to the reality of this moment being alive, the tingling aliveness of this moment.
• 23:43
  All week and actually all ongo, actually for years now, we've been chanting affirming faith in mind. Affirming faith in mind. Sometimes it's translated as trust in mind. And I like to say that our practice is not about belief so much as trust, as faith. Belief is somebody tells us something and says, this is the way it is, we say, yes, okay, that's the way it is.
• 24:27
  And I'll try to believe that. But faith is something that we taste directly. And the nice thing about faith is every single person in this room has had moments where they have tasted something unequivocal that is intimately theirs. That they know beyond a shadow of a doubt this is a bedrock experience that nobody else can share. Nobody.
• 24:58
  And that experience, those experiences are the foundation for faith. It's based upon tasting something directly. It's about knowing something, not just having a second hand idea. Second hand ideas crumble under pressure. And we all know lots and lots of beliefs in this society.
• 25:26
  It's just fraught with beliefs that are contradictory and unreasonable. But the faith that we talk about in dharma, the faith of affirming faith in mind, is the faith that all being, that the great way is not difficult. If we're not picking and choosing. We can confirm that. We can see that.
• 25:49
  We can know it directly. And if we have a taste of that, then our faith in that point becomes greater. Tori, Zenji, let me just talk a little more about faith. So part of what's important is as we continue with this particular retreat and move forward in our lives, there is a kind of faith that is essential. Now, if we're looking deeply, we don't know what the future is going to have.
• 26:38
  We don't know the future. It's all prediction. We have no experience of the future. We're just predicting. And that's the way the operating system is made in a way.
• 26:53
  So that means that when we're actually doing kin hen and we're lifting our foot, we don't know for sure if it's going to hit the ground. Check it out. You're doing kinder, you lift your foot and you do not know, close your eyes if you want, do not know if it is going to touch the ground. It hasn't happened yet. It's in the future.
• 27:26
  It's a mystery. And yet, it touches. I hope. That is a kind of faith that we're in the mystery, we don't really know what's going to happen, we don't really know how the arm moves. And yet, we have faith based upon our direct experience that yes, I can take that step.
• 27:55
  I can take a step into the unknown based on faith. In a way, that's why we do Zazen. We do Zazen so that we can taste the vivid aliveness of this moment directly and we can then have faith that, oh yeah, the practice is about tasting the vivid aliveness of my own being. And I can do that. And it may be blurry, it may be inaccessible, and yet once we have done it, we know all this is possible.
• 28:34
  And that is a firm faith that we can take that next step. Faith also involves letting go. If we're walking in Kinhin or you're in a dark retreat or you're in the night and you're lifting your foot and you know your foot is there, you know your foot is elevated, you know you've got the hold of your foot, in order to let it go, to put it down, you have to let go of what you know. In a way that's what practice is, is letting go of what we know and stepping into the mystery. Letting go of what we know and stepping into the mystery.
• 29:13
  Letting go of we know this, I don't know what's going on next but I have to let go of whatever I think is there. Letting go of this moment, it lets go of us whether we do it or not, it lets go of us and we step into the mystery in an unfolding way according to our particular karma. The aliveness is right there. We have faith that not only is there attaining the aliveness of this moment, but that if we keep practicing, it becomes more and more apparent to us. It becomes, we have faith that it will become clearer, that it can be a foundation for our life.
• 30:00
  If we don't have any faith, well, it's okay. Who cares? It's your life. But if you have faith, then you take that step into the unknown. You're letting go and you take that step.
• 30:12
  And as you take those steps into the unknown, your faith deepens. Your trust deepens. And so it's an act of faith to sit down and know the chair will be there. It's an act of faith to open the door and the room is there. It's an act of faith to enter into the mystery.
• 30:41
  And that faith requires presence and courage. If we look carefully at our life, we do not know the future. And to step forward into the future, we don't know what job we will have, we don't know what position we're going to be in, we don't know who we're going to meet, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know. And it takes faith to take that step, to take the step, to take the step, the next step from this one in accordance with our vow. People are always saying what should I do with my life, what should I do with my life, trying to figure out years in advance what their life is going to be like or months or weeks.
• 31:26
  It can't be done. All we can do is have the vow, you know, I want to become really educated, I want to become really adroit at certain kinds of activities, I really want to become a craftsperson, And then we take the step, the step, into the unknown in that direction over and over repeatedly with courage, with faith. We don't know. We don't know. If we look closely at what we actually know, if we look really closely at what we actually know, it shimmers away.
• 32:17
  I know I've got the hand in the air that's on the surface, but what surrounds it? How big is the space that surrounds it? What is the infinite cosmos that surrounds it? The boundless awareness, the boundless mind that surrounds that. Is there an up or down in that boundless mind?
• 32:47
  Is there an is or is not in that boundless mind? And as we look more and more deeply, we realize that what we think we know, all the assumptions that we have, the predictions that we have are really ephemeral, bubbles in a dream. In the Vimalakirti Sutra Vimalakirti asks, or or Manjushri asked Vimalakirti, how should we greet a Bodhisattva who is sick? How should we inquire about a Bodhisattva's health? He said, you should consider a Bodhisattva as someone who is like the previous moment of a bubble of foam.
• 33:41
  Ephemeral. Gone. If we have a glimpse, a glimpse of that not knowing, then with courage, with faith, with mystery, with a deep breath, we take a step. And another one. Now it is helpful as we begin probing some of these depths like this to have a regular practice, to have a community.
• 34:26
  Buddhadharma sangha is all true. We can't do it alone. The ego, the eye that sees can't see itself. I think Chosinte Fuhoe mentioned the fox in the hen house, I was thinking that may not be applicable to anybody in this room. How many people in here have had hens?
• 34:52
  But raccoons, skunks, falcons, cats, dogs, they all like to eat chickens. So if you put them all in the chicken coop, the chickens aren't going to last very long. Same is true with the ego. If the ego is in charge of your spiritual practice and the ego is what's managing everything and the ego is saying, Well, I'll think I'll do it this way, I'll do it that way, I'll do it the other way, everything gets lost in the bewildering array of possibilities. It's one of the virtues of having enough faith and trust in a teacher, a path, a community.
• 35:28
  Because when we're in charge of our own life in this way, when the ego is in charge of trying to see beyond the ego, when the self is in charge of trying to see beyond the self, it just gets all tied up and can't take that leap. Somehow there has to be some trust. Somehow there has to be trust that is more than my opinions and my views. Somehow there has to be trust to step into the unknown. And we can't really trust ourselves in that same way.
• 36:01
  We can't trust our personality. If we do dark retreats, people sometimes will find that out. In the dark, the only way you know the dark is with the dark. The only way you know the mystery is with the mystery, to truly know the mystery. In a way we could say that as we go into the mystery that death itself is stepping into not knowing.
• 36:33
  Not knowing the unknown. And if there's knowing in the middle of the unknown, not not knowing. It's kind of a Bardo state. We can't explore the dark with a flashlight. Only explore the dark with the dark.
• 36:53
  We can't explore not knowing. We can't bring knowing into not knowing. We can only explore not knowing by letting go completely and not knowing and taking a courageous step into the mystery, which is the next moment. With this kind of faith, we have faith that the ups and downs of the waves of our life all have the possibility of awakening. That the ups and downs of our life are not good and bad, they're not but with the mind of investigation, with the mind of presence.
• 37:40
  Difficult things can be turned into wisdom. And we don't have to worry so much about right and wrong and easy and hard. We just have to have the mind of faith, the mind of investigation, the mind of inquiry. And then everything becomes a flavor of the same essence of a tingling aliveness. And we call that, we can call it in some ways the Buddha nature, the true nature, the tingling aliveness that can only be tasted directly.
• 38:16
  Tingling can only know the tingling. Dark can only know the dark. There's not two things. There's not separation. So the great faith is great faith in this life that is being lived through our particular karma, our particular shape.
• 38:54
  It is sacred. It is important. It is vital. And each of us has our particular enthusiasms and challenges. But the practice of being present, not judging, letting go of the inner critic, investigating, taking a breath, stepping into the unknown, knowing our life vow, knowing our direction, is a practice that will serve us well in the beginning and the middle and the end, will serve us for our whole life.
• 39:33
  And because nothing is ever repeated, everything is fresh each moment, there's a constant evolution, a constant inclusive nature. Entropy is real, so things constantly are spreading out in a way, becoming more and more inclusive even as the nature of mind is inclusive. So please have great confidence, have great faith in your own capacity for realization. And that in, when that capacity is tasted and shared, it will be of great benefit. In a way that's what this whole place is about, is about setting up a circumstance that enables people to come here and to learn about their own capacity for realization.
• 40:36
  To help people understand their own wisdom, to help people understand the breadth of their own heart, it's a wonderful, I feel, wonderful offering. So I wish I invite you all to join in that investigation personally with our family, with our community, Clarify the mind and help others clarify their minds. Open the heart, help others open their heart. Everyone will benefit.
• 41:19
  Jomon: Thank you for listening to the Zen Community of Oregon podcast, and thank you for your practice. New episodes air every week. Please consider making a donation at zendust.org. Your support supports us.