Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 140: Imposter Syndrome, Burnout & Being a Child of Immigrants

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140: Imposter Syndrome, Burnout & Being a Child of Immigrants · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_04: Work Life Balance, Imposter Syndrome, and Challenges being a child of immigrants.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_04: These are topics I had integral coaching session in a boat.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_04: You will be hearing some Richardton music in the background because that was the music and vibe that I wanted, especially with ocean breeze coming.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_04: And hopefully you will also feel the energy of being in community and that ocean breeze.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_04: I obviously blocked out names and confidential information in this call, but it's a great way for you to experience that you are not alone in the challenges that you are going through in work, business, and life.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_04: And it's a great way to experience being in community and how it may look like to be coached by me.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_04: You'll probably get some action items even for yourself.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_04: Grab your tea, coffee, coba.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_04: And I will say there are some fun alcoholic beverages in this book that is not available to you while listening to this podcast, obviously.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_04: Unless you're at home, then you get it.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_04: And please do not be doing that while driving.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, let's drop the beat.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, this is my little video camera.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_04: Okay?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_04: It's just gonna be me on my face.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so don't worry about it.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_04: And then I have a little mic here too.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, because I'm recording.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_04: So let's do what you do, however you wanna share that.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_04: And then fun fact.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_04: And then the fourth question is what would you like to be coached on today?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_04: So how I'm training this is I just want it more of a discussion.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_04: You don't need me to lecture to you, because you could go on YouTube.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_04: But I could share tips and you'll be, I think, actually surprised because there might be similar questions to one another.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_08: So one thing in terms of coaching, she's been like my therapist for 20 plus years, but um don't age us.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_08: I know.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_08: It's a gift.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_08: We are all just I thought we graduated last month.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: We graduated last month.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_04: No, we're we went to UC Irvine and graduated last month.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_08: Or or like in O's in the double O section.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_08: Work like balance for me, just because you know, demand is high in the tech and AI space and just a lot going on.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_08: And I have two small kids, so they're two and four.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_08: And this morning my two-year-old asked me if I was coming back.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_08: So the days are long, you know, but you know, they like me.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_08: I think they do.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_05: And yeah, that's me.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_05: I'm a therapist, so I have my own private practice out in the world.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_05: Do you want to leave this instead?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_05: Because you're a therapist.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_05: We got a lot of we're all gonna be crying.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_05: I'm just kidding, by the end of the start.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_05: I know, crying and drinking, right?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, yeah.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, so I started out as a solo practitioner, but now I'm in the process of scaling, but I already scaled, but I I want to grow much bigger.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_05: And fun fact, I did stand-up comedy.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_05: What?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_06: I didn't know that.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_05: There's an opportunity for me to do another one soon, but I don't know if I want to do it.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, when's your next show?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_05: No, I mean no, there I think it might be in a few weeks, but I don't know if I'm gonna do it.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, you can.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_05: Something that I would like to learn is how to like operate out of confidence and not feel kind of like anxious, especially at least for me, because I'm operating by myself.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of scary to make decisions.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_05: And then also how to build like healthy culture with your team.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_07: What I would like to learn is again how to build good relationships with them, how to how can I get through to them while also being their leader.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_07: If that makes sense.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: I'm a very poppins back, so when you guys tell me things, I'm I have a whiteboard.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_04: That's a whiteboard.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it is.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_04: That is awesome! Yeah, that's amazing.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_04: I'm needing my Asian stereotype.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so how to network with people.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_07: Uh and it's how to grow.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, cool.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_07: And then fun fact, I do like to travel.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_07: Right now I am planning a trip to China and Japan, so hopefully a little bit more.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_07: I love I've been to Japan already, cannot wait to go back.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_11: Yeah, awesome.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_11: I wanna learn how to feel more comfortable speaking English because my first language is Spanish.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_11: So when I try to speak English, I feel scared to say a lot of mistakes.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_11: But I'm still learning so excited to be around people and speaking English.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_04: You're doing curious, just like just seeing the makeup, like how many are like children of immigrants, immigrants in here?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_09: Oh, you're in the right boat.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: Literal boat.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Fresh off the boat!
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: I'm making fun of myself, okay?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I currently just joined the HR team department, but prior to that I used to be a bookkeeper at a store.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: For 16 years, I worked with employees, but I think I would like to, with this new position, learn how to approach a member to have that conversation HR-related.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_10: I would like to have more confidence when I'm talking in front of an audience and to be more confident of what I said and my posture, you know.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_10: Like I think uh I learned that somehow, somewhere, that yeah, it tells about you when you're like very confident and when you're saying your words.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_10: I want the people, I want to get that the attention from the people when I'm speaking.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_10: But how do you feel now?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_10: Do you feel confident right now?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_10: Um, I wanna get the attention of everybody when I'm speaking.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_10: Like, I want to see them that they're looking at my eyes, you know, and they're like, like I'm feeling very powerful, and the words that I'm saying, they're getting to their heads, and they say, Okay, yeah, it is what it is, and and uh we're gonna go for it.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_10: That's what I'm trying to get to.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: Something that I have been trying to work on that I would like to be coached on is the art of selling yourself because when you like grow up within a company, people knew me, they knew what I was about, they saw my work ethic, and so now going back into the workforce and like selling yourself and being in a different place where you were the last time you were in the job market, and trying to have like the confidence, like you said, and how do you articulate that in a one-hour interview to someone who doesn't really know you?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's an art, and so we got two HR people here.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_04: I'm saying, yes, this is gonna be the power boat.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_04: I can already feel it.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_04: I also want to share, don't think I'm the speaker, we're all experts here.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_04: So I want to make sure I joke around and we we actually met at New Orleans at a conference in June.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_04: I've been telling everyone about you who I was networking with.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Elaine's amazing.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_04: She represents women so well at these conferences and but I mean since we're all children of immigrants here, think about like our aunts and moms, right, in the kitchen, and then all our uncles and dads in the back.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_04: And I always used to think, oh, they're just doing cheese or cheese.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's cheesmos in Tagalog, I know it's cheesemas in Spanish, right?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, but it's kind of like the same.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: Chancla's the same thing.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_04: We also got beaten by the mom.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_04: And then we got the belt.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry, I'm I'm going back to YouTube.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um but saying that, I think because of COVID in 2020, we forgot that we could be in community and talk about this, you know?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_04: And then sometimes it's way too much gossip or we have to leave the kitchen.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_15: So I've been in career now for almost 10 years, and I feel like I've been on this like climb up the ladder, so to speak, trying to, you know, always do what's next.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_15: And I want to come to a point where I can more like be satisfied in what I'm doing and obviously still strive to like improve, but also be content in where I'm at as well, without always having to like see what's next.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_04: So be okay with where you're at, yeah.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_04: As opposed to when you mean what's next, do you mean what's next in the company or what's next in your career or both?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_15: Kind of like both, yeah.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, got it.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm not the only expert, but I'm curious.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: Any parents here?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_04: I'm curious.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_04: Anything?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_04: Do you mind if I ask you?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: I would love for you to give feedback too.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna turn my brain off.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: Why do you think I said leadership coaching?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_08: I was like, I'm not lecturing, I don't wanna, I'm not prep for this, I just wanna talk.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_08: I I mean I think there's a bit of like uh natural sacrifice you do as a group, but it's like forgiveness and also learning to like your job will come and go, but your children are always there.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_08: I did read the study that statistically working moms lead to higher success rates for their children, so they're more successful at the end of the day, so I'm like, I hope that's the case.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_08: But I think it's just reflecting and taking a pause more often than not.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_08: That's been taking a long time.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_08: And I you know, I had a CFO once tell me that you make a deal with your children, you tell them what you what's like the best, what they want you to show up at, and that's what you try to commit to.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_08: So I think it's all in the same way with finding therapies.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_05: Well, because I'm a therapist, I just like to ask a lot of questions.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: You also don't have to buy therapy hat and you can go consult and she is not a clock, she's not a patient.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'll touch you and her, like you are f top.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: You can just say No, no, no.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_05: I I think the question here is like, what is the guilt actually saying?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's giving yourself permission that you put yourself in a transition that you didn't expect for yourself, and this opened up a new hope and dream for you that you didn't think about.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_05: And so, how do you give yourself permission that you can still do what you love?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_05: And the good enough part, it seems like it's more presence, right?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_05: So, can presence and connection look different than PTA, right?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_08: That's what my therapist tells me.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_08: So I'm gonna go.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_08: Oh my god, pay her a lot more than that.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_08: $65 for this vault.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_08: You're welcome.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_08: I gave you a discount.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_05: It's a continuous battle for them.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I think children actually they it's okay that you don't show up perfect.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_05: The most important thing is that you repair that part.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_05: So you can be like, hey, this is I'm I'm not gonna be able to make it, but you find other ways to repair that connection, they're resilient, like kids are resilient, so they will be okay.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_05: They're surrounded by other support systems, right?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_08: So emotionally they'll be okay.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_08: And I think that's it.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_08: It's like the quality of time.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_08: It does, you know, my two-year-old kid are like, if I'm coming back today, I don't think that's a good thing.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_08: But no, that's okay, that's normal.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, okay.
• 11:00
  unknown: I get the message.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_04: But it but also it didn't come from mommy, are you coming back?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know what I mean?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_04: She just wanted to know what to accept.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I'm hearing.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_08: So, like, they have no problem telling me.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_08: Sounds like her mother.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, exactly.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_08: You have to show up with this.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_08: So I was like, okay, I'll show up.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_08: So I'll make the commitment of showing up.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: Another turn for it.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was also here to coach.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_03: She's up.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: Did you do the therapy says it's right here?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: Did you hear the therapy statement?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: I want you to stay here with your emotions.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna work on that.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_11: Yeah, take this, take this.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I would also say, not just for her, but for everyone else.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_04: Something that I have learned if this is helpful, it's like even understanding how to embrace enough rather than more, because we live in a capitalistic society of more and more and more of like what you were saying, look what's next.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_04: But it's actually, you know what?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_04: Exercise sounds like a very hard word.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna use movement, and because I'm on my period today, movement means walking.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_04: I am on my period today, sorry.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_04: That's a team, but like this is all I'm gonna do right now.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_08: That's so true.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_04: So, what's your takeaway from this?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_08: Oh, Jesus.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_08: What's your takeaway in action?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_08: One, being able to talk about this, so that's not natural for me to talk about it.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_08: Two, like a room colour strangers.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_08: Um, second, I think for me it's just the pausing and being present more than anything.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_08: Like being you know, able to show up to their events and stuff like that.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_08: I use a decision framework where I I assess, design, shape, and then deliver.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_08: And with that framework, it always forces me to pause.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_08: So really understanding the trade-offs, really understanding what it's gonna be, the the financial impact, the cultural impact of any decisions we make.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_08: Like AI sounds great and it is great, but we do not want to have our customers talk to an AI chatbot.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: Something that I learned almost in like the aftermath of a decision.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: So if it's the wrong decision, not being afraid to go in front of your workforce and like have an egg on your face.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like you gain so much respect when you're willing to say that you made a mistake, like and and being excuse my language, but like I fucked up, you know, and like this is what we nice in it.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like we we dialed a little too far down in catering, for example, and we were trying to optimize because we're like, we have to cut costs, we have to be aggressive, we're gonna take a lot of product off the aircraft, and we thought that that was gonna be fine, and we had the formula, and it was gonna all make sense, and it like we all fell flat on our face, and catering was f for like a month, and our flight attendants were going insane.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how do you expect us to show up, do our job without giving us the necessary tools to like serve our guests?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you want us to elevate the brand and elevate the experience, but then you're giving us nothing to do that, and so we had to go on the town halls, we had to go on the roadshows to be like, you know what, we made a mistake.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: Now we're gonna we're gonna turn the temperature back up again and we're gonna find the sweet spot.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: But if we tried to like be too egotistical in the aftermath of like we didn't do anything wrong, this is fine, we wouldn't have been able to like find that sweet spot to find like the the humanity in that and to be okay with going in front of thousands of people and saying like we got it wrong, and we don't have an ego and saying that we got it wrong, and we're gonna listen to how we can get it right by our connection with all of you guys.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_04: What are you getting so far?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_04: And then I'll share my piece on it.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: But what are you taking away?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_05: As long as I do my due diligence at the beginning of the stage, and I just I can just follow through, and if it happens, it happens.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_05: If it doesn't, that's okay.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_05: Like just pivot and just keep going, is what I'm getting.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_04: So a couple of things, I mean, you know this as a therapist, you know, zones of regulation, right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_04: Do you guys know what zones of regulation is?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_04: So zones of regulation.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_04: Actually, can you explain zones of regulation because you're a therapist?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_05: Because I learned it from my therapist.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_05: Um it's basically like everybody has this like sm like a window in your nervous system, and if something happens where it's like trauma or a change or positive, any type of changes that you feel in your nervous system, if it's within your zone or your window, you can still operate logically, but if it gets outside of this zone, you start to operate more out of your trauma response, with and that's the escape response, right?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_05: The flight or fight, things like that.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so did you watch Inside Out?
• 15:37
  unknown: Yeah.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so zones of regulation, you know, there's a trauma response, so you get triggered.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_04: And so I study cognitive sciences at UC Irvine, which is the study of the brain.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_04: So the hippocampus, think of it as the lizard brain, right?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: The animal brain.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_04: The hippocampus is the oh, there's a fire, I should run away.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_04: Or this happened with me.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_04: My grandma, when I was three, she said, Don't touch the hot water.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_04: What do you do when you're three?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: Touch the hot water, right?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_04: And she like yelled at me as any immigrant, don't touch the water! I'm like, I didn't care, I touched it, right?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_04: Then there's another part of their brain that's like the librarian reminding you of all the past experiences, right?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_04: It's like someone yells at me, then you make up a story like, Oh, yeah, I'm stupid, I don't know what I'm doing.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_04: But to really get to the logical part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, you need to breathe.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: And there's a science behind it because when you're breathing, you're allowing blood to go into the prefrontal cortex so you think logically.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_04: So in your trauma responses, there's four colors.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: There's the red color, anger, there's a yellow color, which is anxiety, blue color, sad, and green color, which is calm and happiness.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_04: When you respond back, you need to be in the green color.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_04: And to get there, it is the breathing part of it, right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_04: To be calm.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: So when it comes to staying the grounded, I mean I know you know this, but like, how can you be in a calm place?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe it's in the o by the ocean or the sea, so you can think about your vision and your goal.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_12: Yeah, boat before we go by.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_04: But I mean, I mean you know, I mean you know this.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_04: You probably need to get out of your office and house, like, and just go to a coffee shop or somewhere calming to think about the vision and stuff.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, something I have been doing is actually like reducing my like intake of like the news and like other therapists like complaining about other things.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_05: It feels informative because you know you're trying to mitigate risk, but actually that heightens my like arousal more, and then I start to operate out of their experience rather than you know mine.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_04: I think we so we worked together two years ago.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's already August.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_04: I've already surpassed last year's revenue.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: I've increased profit margins in my business, I work less.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_04: But I'm also doing the uncomfortable part of the pause.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, this client said this.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_04: What do I need to work on?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not feeling good about this.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_04: I'm really in it, and then I'm asking myself curious questions.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I need to make a decision.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm feeling so anxious.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, let me sleep on it.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_04: I don't need to say anything.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_04: And also, even journaling the moments of what are my triggers, and then like how am I feeling?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_04: Can I make a decision?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_04: This is how I'm doing what I'm doing, even like having that as evidence.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: Because you know this, everybody knows this here.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_04: Anyone play sports, by the way, or watch sports, World Cup, for example.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_04: But I have a controversial question.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_04: Who is your team?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_04: Argentina, Mexico, okay.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_06: All the way there.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_06: I'll spend all the way with this one.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_04: But I'm gonna say sports as an example, like when you needed to learn a new thing, it takes a while and you need evidence.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and so I'm pretty sure a lot of us relate where we probably have become very successful by being reactive, right?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_04: We've been successful being reactive, putting fires out, but to get to the next level as a leader, it's actually working on our response and not being reactive, and it's pausing more.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_04: So, what are you taking away and what's your action?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_04: I always get stumped in this question.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like my brain is like uh and maybe it's like I need to process this more.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: That could be an action.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_05: No, I think I'm gonna just I'm gonna operate continually from a regulated place.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna create like a routine in the morning.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_05: So like I'm gonna give myself like a window where I can only make decisions at this time.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_05: Where it's like, okay, I know that I just did something to regulate my system.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna operate out of here, and then I just have to commit to it and then you know, ride ride out the waves.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I know sometimes when we want to create a new habit, it's like I have to commit it to it, and then when you don't for a day, then you're I've up, I'm a failure.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_04: I also want to remind you I want you to test it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_04: So if it's not working and you need to adjust or edit, and it doesn't have to be extreme.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_04: You could you could just even tell yourself, I'm gonna try just like once a week.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, this doesn't have to be.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_05: I've been doing it regularly, but it's just like trusting trusting the process.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:50
  unknown: Yeah.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_04: I think you need to show yourself evidence for it, track it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, which takes time.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_06: It's hard.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, even anyone like in a romantic relationship, marriage, boyfriend, girlfriend, it's interesting because I've even worked on my relationship for like pausing, where I'm like, someone's like, what the f he did this, and then like stories up in my head, right?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_04: But then when I notice, like I pause and I lock myself to be calm and regular, because Filipinos, we were so reactive and emotional.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they say what's in their mind, I'm like, that's not healthy.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_06: We are too.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I don't want to assume, but I I like it.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_04: We're really like colonized by Spain.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yay, Spain long the world cop.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_04: But I say that because when I was calm, it's like, oh, he's not he's not unregulated at me, and it's because I was comp.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_04: Oh sh, what magic sorcery has happened.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_04: And if you want to know the science behind it, it's called mirror neurons.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, when you're at a coffee shop and you see this complete stranger, it's like, oh, he's having a f day, I'm gonna keep my distance.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_04: You just know the energy.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, okay.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_08: You know, I think women tend to ruminate and really internalize successes or failures really deeply, but if it makes you feel better, you're not alone.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_07: It's not always there.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_07: That confidence isn't always there.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_07: You just you just gotta fake it sometimes.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_07: That's right.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_04: I definitely have the fake it part.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what have you done?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_04: What have you done to feel confident that's worked for you?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_07: That's worked for me.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_07: I like to celebrate.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_07: So I'll go and celebrate.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_04: Is that why you're in a boat?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_04: Tito Flo is here, so she wants it.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, confidence, because you exude confidence.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm curious what what you've done to work on it.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_07: I don't know if I exude confidence like that.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_07: At least half the time I don't feel it.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_07: I want to walk in, I want to make sure that everyone knows that I can go to this guy for event for anything.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_07: But then my issue is when they do come in, they do come to me like what I'm not always 100% sure how I can help them.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_07: They express themselves, they tell me everything.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_07: Sometimes I I I feel guilty that I don't feel that empathy towards them, and I I really I don't know how to help them.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_07: And it makes me feel that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_07: That brings down the confidence.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_07: Because I don't know how I can reach them, how I can help them, and how how does that make me a leader if I can't help them?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_07: And but this is about you, not about me.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_07: But the confidence thing sometimes you you know, I think it's just kind of showing up and just kind of faking it sometimes.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_07: Cause you can't really like personally, like like I said, like half the time I'm not confident.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_07: I'm just going in, going with the flow, trying to figure out what I can do.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_07: And like you you had asked, how do I feel confident?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_07: Celebrate little things.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_07: You know, little things.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, so we we made sales today.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_07: You know, like let's go ahead and let's have a pizza party.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_07: You know, we can buy some pizza, we can all we can all celebrate.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_07: Um someone's birthday.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_07: Something something as simple as just getting them a little cake, and then just bringing people in uh on a personal note, you know, maybe buy yourself some new shoes.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_07: Buy yourself, you know, some something that you reward yourself, exactly.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_07: Something that you know you were like, okay, I want this, but I'm not gonna buy it right now.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_08: Oh but I think you know, every time you do well, you just buy yourself something.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I love being in a job.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_07: Yes, yeah, you know, I've been wanting been wanting this this watch.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_07: You know, I I it had a really great week uh at work at this time.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_07: Let me go ahead and see myself.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_07: And that helps me.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_07: And not everyone's like that, but you know, that's you just gotta find what what's gonna help you push through that day or push through that week.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_05: When you feel something, then you can identify what is this emotion trying to communicate with you, right?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_05: What is this emotion trying to communicate with you?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_14: I'm gonna write that down for me.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_14: I am learning how to be better at identifying my emotions.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_14: I've gone through periods where I'll sit with like the emotion wheel in front of me, and I'm just like trying to track which one is mine.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_04: I mean they know this well, but so I am, I always say I'm a proud oldest daughter of a Filipino immigrant farmer.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_04: So my dad was a farmer in the graves in Central California.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember I was talking to my therapist vulnerably.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_04: I always feel really tired and I need to do a lot, and just so how long have you been feeling that very therapy question?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_04: And then I was like, since I was born, because I was born into six adults.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_04: I was born in my grandparents' house with my parents on an uncle, very immigrant, and I felt their pressure of the American dream, like you have to make it because we sacrifice so much, you have this privilege.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_04: And and so my therapist said, Do you see how you're tired?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, Yeah, this is what I see it is.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_04: But I think that the theme I'm hearing is the pause part of letting it sink in to feel it.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_04: Because I remember always deflecting comments before, especially like as a woman, it's oh this dress?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_04: It was on sale at midstrum rack.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_04: Instead of saying thank you.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like I always had to discount it to something less, but it's the uncomfortable feeling part.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: But my dad by choice dropped out of high school because he needed to tend to my grandparents' farm for survival, food.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_04: If you're gonna choose Twitter education, it's gonna be food.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_04: And so he would say things kind of like snippety late at night and be like, you know, if only I had an education, or you guys are so much smarter than me.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_04: And so there was like always a sense of guilt I had that I have this privilege of choice.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_04: My mom used to tell the story.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_04: Elaine, I used to see planes, and I heard that people that are in planes have socks.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_04: Like she didn't know what socks was, like, that's like such a hard concept for Philippines because like it's so humid and hot.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_04: And so there's this great Maya Angelo quote.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna butcher it because I don't know what word for word, but like, I stand as one, but I represent 10,000.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_04: So I just think about all the generations and ancestors before me.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna be guilty because it's not just me, it's all of them.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_04: Growth and network.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_04: Do you want to share more?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_07: Yes, how do I, like I said earlier, get that empathy to be able to connect with people.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_07: Because sometimes I feel like, yes, I am listening to you, yes, I understand what you're going through, but then I don't know how to help you.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_07: And then networking as well, just again the same way.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_07: Connecting with someone.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, right now this is a great space.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_07: And it's great.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_07: Thank you, thank you, ladies.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_04: And also let's let's just say the quiet thing out loud.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_04: I think because we also feel safe and comfortable with one another.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_04: So I just want to say that.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_04: So come on.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_07: If I can't don't feel like I connect with someone, how am I gonna network?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_07: How am I gonna put myself out there?
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, you understand me?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_04: What is your goal with that?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_07: Growth.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_07: You know, personal, career, growth.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_04: Anyone want to share?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_15: I mean, I always consider myself a pretty like introverted person, but at the same time, I've always like all through school, all through the multiple companies I've worked at, have tried to put myself in a position of being forced to interact.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_04: So you're doing this by choice.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_04: You're forcing yourself.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_04: I'm forcing myself.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_15: But why?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, why and how?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_15: Yeah, like in school, I was always in all the clubs and like trying to organize things that way.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_15: And then even when you put yourself in a place of like responsibility, then you kind of like make yourself accountable to building those connections and interactions, and so that's actually something like like a large part of the majority of women that are in like the leadership team are in sales, and so I feel like they have all these connections, they know all these people, they know who to reach out to for speakers, they know who to reach out to to get sponsors to have food.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_15: And I'm just more of like a support type person in my regular life, and so putting myself in more of a leadership position allows me to like build those connections, be able to like take on the responsibility and put myself in situations I otherwise would want it.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_15: I say force, so it makes it sound like I don't want to be here, but I make myself accountable by signing up for things that I don't then want to.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you're doing it right now.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_15: I mean, same concept, all related to like I do class class.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_15: Are any of you familiar with class class?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's a membership, so you could check out different gyms, so you don't have to commit to one.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_04: So if it's like there's a lot of broy levels I don't want to be around, then you could check out another one, you know?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_04: Because you don't want to commit in a one year with like householes at the gym.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_04: So best way you're in open relationship with different studios.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_15: But the reason I like it is it holds me accountable to go because you sign up for a class, you can't cancel within 12 hours, or else you get charged.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_15: So it's like if I sign up for this class, I'm financially accountable to going, or else I'm gonna have to pay for it and not get my workout.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_15: So I don't know.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_15: Accountability is kind of how I force myself to do those type of things.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_15: I don't know.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_15: Exposure to be exposure.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_04: If it's clear I'm an extrovert, yeah.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_04: But as I've gotten older, I've been very introverted.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like a lot of you are similar to me.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna just network to network, I need to feel comfortable with someone, you know.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_04: So, like, I would also trust my intuition if it's like even though this person has a really cool title and they probably want know a lot of people, I'm like, I don't need to because you're just bad energy.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_04: So that's one.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_04: And then two, I just come from a place of curiosity.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: If they have good energy, then I will approach them if they feel comfortable.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_04: When it comes to work, that's why I was pulling out the whiteboard.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_06: I love that by the way.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's interesting.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_04: And sorry, it like kind of winded out of okay.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_04: Are you like a numbers person, data person?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_04: You don't need to.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_04: So with people I work with or even clients, you could put names.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_04: So this is a communication dashboard.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_04: I'll email it to you guys after.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_04: But it's names, their goals, like how what their goals are, what's their communication style, who do they work well with, and why?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_04: But come from a place of curiosity, not just like judgment.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, they're so clicky.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_04: Like, why then how can I improve my relationship with them?
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_04: So you could use you could you could use this at work, or do you guys watch baseball, by the way?
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_06: Sometimes.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_04: So no one's Dodger fans, just me.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just looking at someone wearing.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm just looking at someone because someone's an Angels fan.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_04: My husband.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an Angels fan, I'm sorry.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I'll be in I'll be in L.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_04: We force her to watch the So I'm I'm using baseball as an example because if you remember they have a hat when they're in the outfield, there's a batter, and they look at their their little card and like, oh, this one's gonna move more to the left or right and they move.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_07: I don't even know what that is.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: The picture has right here.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you don't know.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a cheat sheet.
• 30:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_04: So I mean, I'm just using I I love using sports as an example because you could do that with colleagues that you work with.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_04: I'm pretty sure like you could you could think of colleagues where it's like, oh, they don't talk about their personal lives, so I'm not even gonna ask.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_04: And then someone else where it's like, oh, I should check in, hey, how is your daughter's soccer practice?
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you probably know intuitively, but this helps.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_04: But then to be real, like when it comes to growth of an organization, maybe you do need to talk to that narcissist that you need to work with.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_04: And if that's the case, then how to work with narcissists?
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_04: I used to work in political campaigns, FYI.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'm glad I don't anymore.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, hey, there's this initiative, and I was just thinking about you.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_04: This would make you look so good because if we did you need to speak their language.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, does that help with the business stuff?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_07: I yeah, it does kind of bite the bullet sometimes.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_07: If even if you don't feel comfortable talking to the phone, so just reach out.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_08: Elaine's been like this since college, so she has she's naturally curious.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_08: No, you I am better.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_08: You like people.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, no, seriously, and it's so funny because I think she would coach like a lot in the group that we put together, and it's like she's naturally been curious of others, and I've always admired her for that.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_08: Sorry to see it.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, that that curiosity, I don't have that sometimes.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, it's not.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_07: And that's what someone when you're when you're comfortable with someone, yes, you're curious, you want to ask.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_07: When you're not, in my role, you still kind of have to ask because you get to know them, but curiosity is not bad.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_04: So, okay, so you could use curiosity when you don't know how to work with a colleague, and you could be like, I'm curious.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_04: What do you need from me right now?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_04: Do you just need me to hold space for you?
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_04: Do you need feedback or a solution?
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_04: And then if you don't have the answer, you could just be vulnerable and say, I don't have the answer.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_04: Let me try to find the answer for you, and I'll get back to you.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_04: So you could also do that.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: Go ahead.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_10: So, how long do you play their role, like their language, like you're saying?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_10: Because we had those companies how long in our schools, like we're gonna have even management teams that they're very rude to you, and you're trying to calm down the situation, or you're trying to be calm and and you know, like think about what you're gonna answer.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_10: Is gonna be how long do we need to play their game?
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_10: If they're always like that.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so get can you give me more context because that's better?
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_04: Like, are they just yelling at you and they shouldn't you got an idea?
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_10: That I got a phone call, and then this person starts yelling at me for um some for a story that they hear, and to begin with, they got you off car, but then you you're gonna tell them, okay, so you don't have the whole story for you to be yelling at me for certain stories that they heard, so but this person is constantly doing that to you, and there's a point like you're so nice and understanding because it's probably a district leader or a VP of the company, and you're trying to understand that they're under stress, but at the same time, how fair is that that they can get away with stuff, or and they can talk to a member or part of the HR team or a store leader that way, and we're trying to calm down the situation, but there's a time like you said, enough is enough.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_10: So, how do you handle that as you know being a person being calm and not to be the secondary person of making the story or the situation worse?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_10: Because you want to be that person who wanna be the calm way, because there's always two persons, right?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_10: Like the inside out, there's always anger and there's always calm.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_10: Yeah, and you wanna be the calm, but there's there's a tip tippy toe point that you says, okay, so enough is enough.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_10: How do you approach to that person and says, Hey, you know, it's not cool what you did, or it's not cool what you're doing.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I do with that often.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_08: It's more often than not like privileged positions, right?
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_08: There's been approaches I've taken where I have had a confrontation in a healthy way with leaders, and they're very senior in the company where I I express sort of their behavior and how it's impacting me.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_08: And so sometimes those that work, that direct approach, and I tend to take a direct approach where we talk through like I recognize their feelings, but I have to inform them what they're be what their behavior is leading me to feel, and sometimes there's avenues for that, and they're receptive and they like appreciate it, and we we are able to move on.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_08: So calling out the behavior has worked in in my environment.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_08: There's times where they're so senior you really can't address the behavior.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_08: So, what I've done, well, first of all, if it's really inappropriate, that's an HR issue, side, side note, but if they're toxic, the way I've managed it is we worked in the back channels, so we start kind of dripping onto the right resources, like the right leadership of like, hey, this behavior is not a it's not what we see, I've been experiencing certain things, and then that started building a trend.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_08: I believe strength and numbers, so you start identifying like is there a group of people like being impacted by this behavior, and then you start having those like more delicate back channel conversations that may be just corporate, you know, passive aggressiveness, but sometimes you have to work behind the scenes to get someone out, and we have been able to do that, but I experience that all the time, like even at my level.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_08: I had someone just last year tell me, like, literally, I'm talking.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_08: He goes, Stop, stop talking, and I know him enough where I pulled him aside after that call.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_08: I was like, that was incredibly rude, and that did not make me feel this way, it made me feel a certain way, especially in front of other senior leaders.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_08: So he call out the behavior.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_08: You work on the back channels, it's usually an old white man, but I know it's always old white man.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_04: So there's a podcast episode.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm writing down resources to email one is Jefferson Fisher, so he he has a good podcast, but I'll tell you what I do.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_04: I know it's probably hard to believe, but I used to be bullied, but it's also American politics that I used to work at.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_04: So you know, like when people yell, so a good psychological thing to say when people are like yelling or they're over talking at you.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_04: The reason why you want to say the first name over and over again is because psychologically we hear our first name, we think our mom or dad is calling us.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_04: Because you know when you're like, uh, I'm about to, and they keep overwriting you and they keep overwriting you, you need to just say their first name and they will stop because you're constantly saying their name.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_04: And then a second thing, I'm curious, you know, using curiosity, your tone is raised.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_04: How is this very productive to try to solve this?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_04: Or reminding them, I just want to let you know this is our goal right now, and so you actually trying to blame me for something I'm not even a part of is not helpful, and I want to honor your time and mine.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_04: So it seems like you don't have enough information.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_04: Why don't you take time to go get information and we could talk about this?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_04: Or it's just like if they just keep yelling because they just love it, because you have to also remember psychologically, they're yelling at you, they want a fing hit.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_04: They want to know that they got to you.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_04: You do not give it to them, and you have to be calm.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, okay, and then sometimes you do have to walk out, like, okay, clearly this is not going anywhere.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_04: Let's connect in five minutes, or let's connect tomorrow.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_04: And you could walk out.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_04: No, come back here.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_04: We need to talk about it.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, I will talk to you when you talk to me in a respectful manner, and this is not appropriate right now, as opposed to and then you seem like a kid, then you just got to them.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_10: When we feel angered, when we are sad, those are the times that we made the worst decisions in our lives.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_10: Yeah.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_10: So I learned that in the hard way, like uh not to make decisions when I'm upset, when I'm sensitive, or I just try to make it pass a few days and then approach that situation to the person because there's certain people that they lead, they are lead by their emotions.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_10: And I don't like that.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_04: And it's also culturally, too, right?
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_04: You could be aware of it, and unfortunately, I wish a lot of people went to therapy, they're not going to do therapy.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_04: So you know this, they don't know this, but you could also like lead from example too.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_04: I know this was yours.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_07: It's all helpful.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot that.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, but no, it's all it's all helpful.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was also gonna say something, but I was like, before my turn, before my turn.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, but this is a conversation.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_04: Did you go ahead?
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what was your takeaway and action from this?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_07: Curiosity.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_07: Hello.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_07: Curiosity.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_07: Ask questions.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_07: Find out what's happening.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_07: That'll that'll open up a lot.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry, giving sports as an example, but like very similar to sports.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_04: So you know when the Dodgers are in the Age old stadium and they're like, you f ⁇ ing took Shoei from us, but you know, like the Dodgers have to be like really fun.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_04: It's like similar.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_04: But like athletes, they don't just practice the plays, athletes also practice when they're getting harassed by fans and being yelled at and booed.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_04: So if athletes are doing that, you also need to do that at work.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_04: Don't give it to them.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_04: Do not give it to them.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_04: Also, I do martial arts and Muay Thai, so my I have like a fight mode face that happens.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_08: I go like I've seen those videos and I'm like, what the hell?
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_04: I also teach like self-defense.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_04: But actually, when I teach self-defense workshops, but I always tell people, both in self-defense and also in the real life, there's more power in de-escalating a situation over escalating a situation.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_04: In your Fashion Island, some someone was like trying to steal someone's watch and he didn't give it to him and then he got shot.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_04: Do you remember this?
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, he got shot, but the reality is like he should have just given the watch.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_04: So, yes, if someone tries to steal your purse, is your life really more important than your purse?
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_06: Then you're gonna die.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_04: You're not the right person to ask.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: She's gonna die.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_11: I feel I feel like a barrier inside of me because I grow up with a single mom with three more kids.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_11: She only focused on giving like a food and house and she never promoted like the the education.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_11: So now when I gonna I wanna grow up in the company, I feel this something behind me stopped me.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_11: I feel I feel comfortable what I get now with the money that I get, but I wanna grow up.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_11: But I I don't feel that power I can do it because so my mom teaches me, oh you're okay.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_11: You had a job, you had a food.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_11: Very immigrant, yeah.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so that's something I feel has stopped me.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for sharing vulnerably.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_04: Oh but we have a lot of people who are bilingual here, so I'm curious.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_10: Anyone want to share?
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_10: Yes, go ahead.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_10: I do know what she gets.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_10: I mean, not only she was my service daily bakerily, but I consider her my friend, and I know how it's to have a mom who's like a little robot that okay, so this is what you have, and this is what we have, and you have to be grateful for what you have, and they don't they don't ask us to do a little bit more, but I know that that she's a great leader because I know that she said her English.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_10: No, that is not the problem.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_10: She's great as a person and she's great as a leader, and I know that she can accomplish more and more and more.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_10: Is I always tell her it's you can do whatever you want in your life, like it doesn't have to stop you just because you think that you don't speak perfectly English, which she does, because we all understand her, right?
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_10: Just like you guys are understanding me.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_10: But I think she's right.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_10: Some of our parents they just grew us up like that.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_10: Okay, so this is what you have.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_10: If we only have hot dogs for lunch, you should be grateful for that, and you should be like, I don't know how to say it.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_10: It's like ask for more.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_10: Yeah, you shouldn't be asking for more.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_04: My dad, my parents were the same because I remember I was like working so hard and they kept putting more work on me, and I was like, I should ask for a raise.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_04: And then I asked my parents, how do you ask for a raise?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_04: Oh no, don't don't just work hard and they're gonna give it to you.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, that's not how this country works, yeah.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_04: And that's when I decided to hire my own coach, but continue talking anyone too.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_10: So um, I'm trying to encourage her a lot because I love her with all my heart.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_10: You know, the same thing.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_10: I I'm pretty sure when she gets married and she has kids, I grew up on my career because of my kids.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_10: I didn't want him to feel like they only have a cashier mom.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_10: You know, I wanted her to I wanted them to say my mom is a manager, my mom is, you know, something else, and I wanted to make more like my parents because my mom was a housekeeping for 40-something years.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_10: She cleaned houses on Palos Verdes, you know, with the rich people.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_10: And uh, I mean, she makes a lot of money, yes, but I mean she worked really, really hard, and I didn't want that for my kids and for myself and my family.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_10: So I know that she's capable to do whatever she wants on life.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_10: She just had to have the confidence in her.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_10: And it's my job as a friend.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_10: I'm gonna cry.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: She just with me, so I'm gonna have my own.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_04: And then the music is like coming up, and then there's like a fucking movie here.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I think it's not so stay in this emotion.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think um with immigrant parents, they expect us to.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Settle just like they did, and sometimes they don't understand why we kind of want to go out of our ways.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes moms are easier to work around with than when dads.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: For us, it was kind of a drive, but um, sometimes dads are like, Why do you have to go an hour and a half?
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: They don't understand that this is part of work, you know.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: And moms sometimes are you know more understanding, and sometimes they have your back more.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: And but sometimes dealing with a Mexican dad, it's really hard because they they expect you to settle just like they did with one job and not try to move up.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_04: There's a quote, not my quote, I have no idea whose quote it is, but there's a quote: our grandparents survive so our parents can provide, our parents provided so we can survive.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_04: So, like each generation is just moving through it, you know.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they're going through a cycle.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_04: And so it makes sense.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I think about my dad, obviously, so much guilt.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_04: My dad would share stories of like we didn't have food one time, you know, and then I grew up Catholic and I gave up rice one time.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's like he cried at me angry.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_04: You gave up rice?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_04: We didn't have rice some nights, and you're giving up rice.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, okay, I'll eat my fing rice.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_04: You know, because I was 16 wanting to be skinny, you know.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_04: And then he was just reminding me of like how poor he was.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_04: But what has helped me, like wanting to grow and seeking it, is the friendships you have, you know, when you see someone like you that is comfortable, and also going to events like this and finding other people that you feel comfortable and safe with and asking questions.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_04: Hey, like, how did you do it?
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_04: This is what I'm being vulnerable enough to share that stuff.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_04: Because when you're asking for advice and you're doing your own interviews, it's kind of like learning how to make the best tamales.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_04: Do that for yourself.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_11: Yeah, it's really helpful.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_11: I'm really grateful to know her because she helped me a lot.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_11: Trust me a lot.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_11: She hired me, was asking, but she gave me my promotion.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_11: So when I started the company, I started like a regular clear, you pushing the splendid in the store, and she gave me the promotion to the bakery.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_11: And then I keep wrapped up in the company, and when she comes back to the store, I was really happy.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_11: Because when you know someone, you feel comfortable to ask questions.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_11: In in this company, in this, like a in the store, it's really helpful.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_11: Know someone who can help you.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_04: And even ask that person, do you know one or two people I could talk to?
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_04: Like you you to continue growing it because then when you start seeing people, it's like nowadays watching TV, I'm like, wow, it's actually diverse.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_04: This is nice to see.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_04: I wish I got to see this.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_11: That's why I'm grateful to be here because you know it's like a yoga that people say, uh, I'm like a dog.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_11: I I understand, but I don't speak.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_11: I understand perfectly, but uh I don't feel comfortable to speaking because I know I'm saying the things wrong, but you practice.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_11: I try sometimes, but uh the 99% is Spanish.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm gonna tell you the opposite.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm like really upset that I don't know my mother tongue, like Tagalog.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_04: And so when I was in the Philippines, I started picking it up, and then I would start speaking to my boyfriend and my family, and they're like, Stop trying to speak Tagalog, my head, I have a headache.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_04: Oh I'm actually jealous you know how to speak Spanish because it's it's part of your culture, you know.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not just trying to make you feel good.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_04: I wish I knew.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_04: Can you share it with a therapist, the mic?
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_05: I think something that like Elaine was mentioning with that quote is just like us highlighting actually like our generational trauma that we carry, right?
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm not your therapist, but if I was your therapist.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_06: She's putting legal language right now.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_05: I know, I know, I know.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I hear kind of like that confidence, maybe the confidence piece, but also like not having space growing up to have somebody kind of encourage you and support you and push you.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_05: And so in the moment when something difficult happens, I'm hearing maybe like, are you hearing like your family's narrative, or are you hearing your own narrative or even your friends' narrative?
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_05: And so a challenge in that moment would be like, okay, like I want to try something.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_05: If I was borrowing like voice, what would she tell me?
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_05: And then just borrow her voice until you feel like your own confidence to start, you know, moving forward with making those decisions.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you have no what my mom and dad would tell me, what would tell me?
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have an app?
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_05: We don't need duolingo, we need yeah.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, you have so many supportive friends, it's like if they were all supporting you, what would they encourage you to?
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_05: What would they be telling you to do?
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_05: And follow that and then see what happens.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_07: If you want to practice, practice with someone who you're comfortable with.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_07: So, like when you hang out with us, go ahead and talk to us because we can help you.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_03: She's already rolling her eyes.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_11: That's like a work as I again.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_11: He always text to me in English.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_11: I always answer in Spanish.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_11: He's like, Why do you answer in Spanish?
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_11: Because I feel comfortable.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_11: That's not the point.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_11: You need to start practice.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_11: I know, I know.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_11: That's our next Disney trip.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_10: I'm gonna be celebrating her birthday.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_10: So all English birthday, all English, okay?
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_07: Just keep that practice.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_07: Someone who you know isn't gonna judge you, isn't it?
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, we feel safe.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_11: And also another question related to work.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_11: Like I should say, I don't know how to put the difference between the friendship and like a boss.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_11: I always make a lot of jokes with my co-organs.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_11: And when I try to be like a boss, it's really difficult.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_11: I feel bad.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_11: Like an punish thing, you know, isn't that if that the company went, they need to do like that.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_11: But I don't feel guilty to say.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_04: So change so you could start the language, hey, like I want the best for you, and I needed to let you know this you didn't do this right, and you need to do this.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_11: But I feel bad when I say things like that.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_04: I know, and I know it's a cultural thing too, to not be direct.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_04: We're very good in being passive, aggressive, and not saying anything.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_04: My family is such an expert at that.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_05: I guess something that can help is just separating like your role.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_05: Like, hey, right like right now, I'm not showing up as your like friendly coworker, but I'm showing up as your boss, and this is what's happening in order for you to stay here, right?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_05: This is what you need to do, I'm looking out for you, and then kind of switching off the hats.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I mean, I I think that's spot on.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_08: I mean, there's some boundaries you have to maintain.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_08: I I see leadership as a responsibility, not a role.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_08: And it's my responsibility to be kind in the way I coach you, but it I have to coach you, and you know, I I work with folks that are usually older than me, nine times out of ten.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_08: So it's hard to coach people that are older than you, but I see it as my job.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_08: Like, that's just the mantle that I carry is to make you the best version of yourself.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_08: Whether you're happy with what I'm sharing with you, but my job is to be kind and my transparency, and that's usually how I see it.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_08: I see it as a responsibility, not a role.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we could all agree being part of the management team at a store converts you to like a different person.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you kind of have to put yourself in a role uh to achieve company goals, numbers, because that's what we're told.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's like in our mind.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: So as a bookkeeper, um, you have to be firm.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's different roles that, you know, tasks that you have to accomplish, and you know, you kind of put yourself in the character mode to get things done.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: If not, employees kind of, you know, do whatever they want.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not the case, you know.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: One person's to be the bookkeeper and one person's to be the person.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: But because we're so focused in our role and our task, sometimes we forget the people person.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's hard to feel empathy with employees because we want to get our point across, you know, you need to do this, you did you did things wrong, we need to, you know, fix your bad habits.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when it comes to being the people person, it's hard because sometimes they see you like you're not approachable.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes they don't want to approach like management because they think they're always gonna be in trouble, and that's not the case.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you reach out to them to, you know, congratulate them on an achievement or things, they sometimes they they look at you like, are you serious?
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: So now in this position, you kind of have to turn the page and I'll be the people person because now you're gonna be helping them, you're gonna be doing the opposite that used to do at store level.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's more of like the confidence of how do you approach people a different way from your other role.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's like learning to leave that behind and move forward.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_00: And going back, you know, I I spent 11 years as a bookkeeper, and I helped out a lot of people throughout the company, just not on my store.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: They would reach out for help and they would always ask, How come you don't move up?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's probably a lot of a lot of the times because of the confidence that you probably don't have in yourself, but other people do.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when this position opened up, my friend over here, she kind of pushed me.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do it, do it.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I I took that step, I move out of my comfort zone, and here I am.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still in training, but now I'm gonna be more of the people side of the person.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_00: And working working at a grocery store, it's like a very fast moving like job that sometimes we don't have time to like stop because we go through a lot, employees, customers.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like sometimes you don't sometimes we don't even take a lunch because it's there's always something going on.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_00: So it's learning also how to like you know manage your time.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um maybe stop, listen to that employee because now as an as an HR, that's you're gonna have to be patient.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: Patient.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_00: Patient patient.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_10: I need to work on that.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_10: That's hard.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_04: So what advice do you need from us?
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_04: It feels like you already got it.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, there's a lot to learn.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot there's a lot a lot to learn.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, just I I think being patient and you know, stop listening to the employee because that's that's a part of our role to help them out, you know.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_04: And going back to what we were talking about, like the curiosity piece, just asking those questions I'm curious, I want to understand.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_04: What do you need from me?
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: So now as a HR specialist, as I'm walking into these stores, I actually do get know a lot of the members, and for them it's it's probably easier to open up because they've knew and the language too.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now probably they can now communicate in Spanish because back then our HR used to be mostly like English, so it was kind of hard for them.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_00: But now they feel like they could probably open up more to us.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_10: It's not that big.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_10: We have I believe six about six district.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_10: But one specialist for the two district.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_10: So she has like uh 30 scores, and I have like 50 fours.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_00: So she's an HR leader and a specialist.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if we were to be working, we wouldn't be working together.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we're separate, and we're separate.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I actually um I'm local to my area, but I also have up north.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: So to me that's gonna be a challenge because I'm not gonna be going out to stores every day.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's mostly gonna be through teams or phone calls.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, I'm eventually gonna go up north, but the connection is gonna be hard.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it's mostly gonna be through phones compared to my area where you already know them and worked with them at one point.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a different skill.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's a different thing.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_04: Also, a good question I like doing when I'm getting to know people, even right now in the summer, it's like any trips you did or have planned?
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and and it doesn't have to be work-related.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_04: I think we think it's work-related, it's you know, I know the holidays are still kind of actually holidays are gonna be coming up very soon.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_04: But it's like, you know, what are you planning to do during the holidays?
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_00: When we go to stores, we don't approach the members.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_00: So what's the problem now?
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: You kind of go to the people person, how's your day going?
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_00: Anything new.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you know them sometimes, you know, they talk about their family, you know, or they know you, they ask you how's everything going.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's like the question asking.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's part of our role today.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_00: So what I take is just being patient and learn the process and ask questions.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't make a mistake.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_04: There's a theme of pause and curiosity, that's what I'm hearing.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_10: Okay.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_10: So, how do I approach because we deal with somebody who's older than us sometimes and they don't want to take it seriously just because you're younger and and you're hungry for and or your passion for your career, and some of the seniors are like, oh well, you don't know anything about it, and I know more than you, and this is how it has to be, and they're trying to step on your toes or or make you feel belittled.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_10: Um, how do we approach those members because or those seniors, or because I don't want to be respectful of because I admire them in a way that the position that they are, but I also want to make them understand that I'm not their enemy, that I'm there to help them to succeed because I love the successful of my team, you know, and I'm very competitive, super competitive, and um I love people, and I love to encourage all my people to do whatever they want to do because it's possible if they want to.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_10: So, um, with my friends, I know that um I encourage them to do a lot with their lives, but I also like to do that with people that I don't know, and sometimes it gets me in trouble because I get too attached to people.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_10: So, how do I approach to those seniors?
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_10: Like, they see me in a not respecting way, they're not respecting my role, but yet, you know, just like in a respectful way, and and you know, try to be the calm and not the anger, and um not to do the bad decisions and and and me being in the same way that they are.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_10: I just want to be different, and I want to make a different.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_04: If you remember back in the Lakers, Shaq and Kobe hated each other.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_04: Do you remember that?
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_04: But who was at the funeral crying and doing a speech?
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_00: Shaq.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was there at that.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_04: They were focused on the Lakers back to back to back champions.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_04: So focus on the problem and the company and the best outcome for it, not the you versus me.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_04: And just remind them hey, I do this with my hands.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_04: Hey, I just want the best for I want the best for the team.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_04: I hear what you're saying about this.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_04: I know we've been doing it a long time, but like this is what happens is these problems and issues end up happening.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_04: Doesn't help?
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_10: And yeah, and I don't want to leave by emotions like when I'm upset.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_10: I would just like let it calm down.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_10: I'm gonna go to sleep, and it's gonna go, I'm gonna think it twice, three times.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_10: Yeah, because ultimate uh what I want is the best for all of us.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_10: Yeah, yeah, I need to be um successful because I'm very competitive, I mean competitive, like I said before.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you very much.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I think as working at a sore level and then as a different position, you I mean with the years in the company, you have you sometimes come across those employees that are trying up hard to deal with.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, you know, you kind of avoid to avoid like issues, but now as product management HR, you you can't avoid those issues.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_04: You have to you reach out, but that's when we have to like like you said, like leave the the issue behind and work on the company goal to achieve it's it's a cultural thing, and it's just unlearning and relearning.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_04: I know how we grew up, it's different, so I have to remember I'll respect my elders and my parents, but that's in my family dynamic.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_04: Here they're hiring me to provide value.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_04: And if you're into books, there's a really good book called Coach the Problem, not the person.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_04: So you focus on the problem of the bull and not the person.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_04: I've worked with a lot of narcissistic people.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_10: I think I'm going through one now, but it's okay.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_10: And I'll be listening.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_04: This is what happens in life, they keep showing up until you learn the lesson.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_04: Your turn.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_02: I guess that's like sell yourself, that was your goal.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like how can you it like almost like emulate everything that you've done, maybe like previous outside of this person to get them to like appreciate you and see your value, and you have such a small window to do that and to like leave that impression.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_02: And like what's been crazy for me too is I get it because I used to only hire from within.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_02: I used to only promote internally, and I had a really big thing about like we have such great people in the company, I want to promote, I want to give opportunity, and so now to break into like as an outsider, I'm like, I get why it's so hard to break into another competitor company, if that makes sense.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_02: So tell me why then.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_04: Why you?
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that we all have our unique like gifts, we all have our superpowers, and I just I know that one of my superpowers is like the way that I can connect with people, you know?
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so um I guess my problem is that I want to be seen more than just the people leader, like, okay, great, I'm a people leader, that's something I'm really strong at, but like, am I the strategist?
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: Am I the you know budget queen?
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like, can I do all these other tasks that they expect from this like higher level beyond just being loved by the people who you serve?
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_02: And how do you get the strategy and the budget ownership and all the decisions that you've made?
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_02: How can you condense all that into like a 30-minute you know, interview, an hour interview?
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_02: We're doing coaching, you could come in.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to join?
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_12: I was amazed with the mic and stuff.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_12: I was amazed, like it was amazing, there was tears.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_03: How'd you get that?
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_12: We were like in the middle of the observant.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_03: So wow, okay.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_03: You can join both.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like we've continued the vote.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, we're still in the middle of it.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're doing sessions still.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so your question was um like how do I how do I sell myself?
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_04: So, yes, the connection.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I know for us women, children of immigrants, it's hard to talk and brag about my yourself.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_04: I want you to pretend you're your own project.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_04: So call yourself something else.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_04: And then I know it's really uncomfortable to do this.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_04: So, what type of music do you like listening to right now?
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_02: I like a lot of different types of music, but I like like really upbeat, energetic, like house CDM.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_04: Listen to house EDM, and then I want you to, you I want you to write in third person.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_04: This is great in everything you just said.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_04: What you did with strategy and budget, I want you to list everything.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_04: It needs to be word vomit, because I think you're thinking of how perfect it is, but you you just need to see all of it first before you condensed it, okay?
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_04: So see all of it first, and then depending on the jobs that you apply to, if they focus on budget or strategy, then you can get it from the toolbox.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_04: So word vomit, try to add metrics and words and how you work with teams, and then organize it.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_04: So, like that messy closet that you have, this is strategy, this is numbers, this is how you work with people.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_04: And then when you look at the job description, it's like a puzzle piece.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_04: How do you match it?
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's a good way to like organize everything.
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but also practice so it's not just out here, but like I know you're seeing me speak, it's hard to believe, but I had to practice.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_04: So if it's a Zoom interview that you're doing, put Zoom on and practice it.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_04: Don't just practice talking, practice it with Zoom.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_04: Also, when you're doing Zoom, look at the look at the camera.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_04: I know how easy it is that we want our word doc right here to take notes.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_04: They will know you're f reading it.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_04: If anything, if there's important points you have, let's say this is the Zoom camera, put post-it notes here of the main points.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_04: What did I do or behind it?
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but you need to practice looking at it, and I know this is gonna feel uncomfortable.
• 1:04:31
  SPEAKER_04: This is extra credit.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_04: Record yourself so you can watch the replay.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's a great idea.
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_04: But I I'm gonna use sports as an example, okay?
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_04: As you know, if you watch any sport like World Cup, they watch the replays of what they're hitting and they watch the replay of what other people are doing because they want to win that championship.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:04:50
  SPEAKER_04: So what are you taking away from this?
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_02: I love the recording, like actually being able to see yourself and think of yourself as your own project, like you said, because then you're like being objective on yourself, which is hard because, like you said, you don't want to seem like braggadocious or something, you know.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_07: When you're looking at the at the recording, don't just look at the negative, because that's gonna go in your head.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the easy thing to do.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_07: You don't want to do that because that's gonna mess with your head.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, what's happening?
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's uh as our role in our company, we do a lot of Teams call.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_00: So do you say focus on the camera or focus on your audience?
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I mean like, so if you're presenting something, I'm gonna look at the camera and present it, okay?
• 1:05:39
  SPEAKER_01: But then you could see everyone else, you can see their face expressions, maybe not paying attention.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_04: And then how I call people in, oh, I'm just curious, do you have any questions?
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_04: And then I sometimes like, oh, you made an expression, what's coming up for you?
• 1:05:55
  SPEAKER_04: Oh like
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I use it as data points.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do you get what I mean what I mean?
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean because that's something that we do probably if not every day, at least once or twice a week.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_00: Either store level or you percenting.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_02: I think the like the practicality of it all, you know, and like actually making yourself uncomfortable with the rehearsing, with looking for the good qualities, because like naturally we're so hard on ourselves.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so to like almost yeah, think outside of yourself and challenge yourself to be more objective with how you like grade your own performance, basically.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_04: The reason why I'm just gonna get TMI here, okay?
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_04: The reason why I'm talking about like playing music to make you feel comfortable because you feel uncomfortable.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_04: You know, when you get intimate with that special someone, I need you to feel intimate about yourself.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_04: And so to do that is to make yourself feel comfortable to do it rather than like oh f I don't want to do it.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_04: So whatever that means to feel comfortable, play music, go like to a coffee shop looking at the ocean.
• 1:07:03
  SPEAKER_04: Like go to a place where you're comfortable at so you could do the uncomfortable thing.
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_04: Phil Jackson, when he was doing his coaching for the Lakers, he did a lot of meditation.
• 1:07:11
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't even just like do 100 shots.
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_01: Just like today, we all shared a story that we probably would have not have never opened up about it.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I also want to say it's because we felt safe and comfortable with it.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_04: And so, like, to what I was even sharing with you when you're asking about like growth and networking, like not everybody deserves to see the real you.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_04: So, like, I do follow that intuition.
• 1:07:33
  SPEAKER_04: It's like I'm not gonna listen to this narcissistic.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_04: You know what's interesting?
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_04: I think because of AI and electronics, we're so distracted, we think we need to do everything, but it just really dialed down to the simple things.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's interesting.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_04: My friends and family always ask me, so like, what do your clients pay you for?
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, to pause.
• 1:07:54
  unknown: What the f to pause?
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, yeah, to pause.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_04: Why?
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, because they're in their hamster room, like constant doing, but they're not, you know, like we watch Hollywood movies and there's a booming voice from God to tell you what to change.
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_04: But the reality is, is it's little whispers that you're not listening to.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_04: And you're using the drug of constant doing, and you're using the drug of your phone to distract yourself to not listen to yourself.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of times is that um we overthink things.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe a bad negative comment that we probably got in the past is still with us, and that keeps us from moving, moving forward on a lot of things.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_00: But we could do the things, it's just like us, like that negative thought that we have.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_04: But I would also add, even though that's a bad negative thought from the past, it's like what evidence can you do since then?
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 1:08:46
  SPEAKER_04: And also, was that person a f asshole?
• 1:08:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_04: Like, do I respect their response?
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_04: Do I respect their individual and what they shared with me?
• 1:08:56
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_04: So there's that too.
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_04: Do you want to be coached?
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_13: Right?
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_13: I I definitely need a coach.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, I mean, like, do you have a question?
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_04: I could coach you on it right now.
• 1:09:04
  SPEAKER_13: I I mean I I checked you in already.
• 1:09:06
  SPEAKER_13: I already knew you were gonna be great.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_13: I was like, oh, I want to be part of her boat, but I was already assigned to another boat.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_13: So No, I got I got the lost spot.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_13: Did you get the lost spot?
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_13: I lost.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_13: Yeah, yeah, I was a driver, so no worries, but I I love your your passion and your sponge.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_13: And my question to you is where does that all stem from?
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_04: I shared this quote with you guys, so I'm gonna there's so I'm the Elisada, a Filipino immigrant farmer.
• 1:09:31
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so my dad immigrated to work in the grapevines.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_04: He's responsible for the red wine that you guys used to drink.
• 1:09:38
  SPEAKER_04: Where does it come from?
• 1:09:40
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm just sharing it long-winded, and then I'll share a quote.
• 1:09:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so I go to therapy as a child of immigrants do, and I was I remember talking to my therapist, like, God, I'm so tired.
• 1:09:52
  SPEAKER_04: I have this need to constantly do.
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_04: And she's like, So, where do you think you first felt that in your childhood?
• 1:09:58
  SPEAKER_04: How old were you?
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, when I was uh in my mom's uterus, like when I was born, and she was like, What do you mean by that?
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_04: And then I was like, Well, I'm the first born in this country.
• 1:10:09
  SPEAKER_04: So I grew up with my parents, my grandma, and my my grandpa, and my uncle and my aunt.
• 1:10:14
  SPEAKER_04: I felt the pressure of all six adults with American dream to me.
• 1:10:19
  SPEAKER_04: And so there's a Maya Angelo quote: I stand as one, but behind 10,000.
• 1:10:24
  SPEAKER_04: So I think of all of the ancestors and generations before me, that's helped me be where I'm at.
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_13: It's amazing.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_13: That's where it comes from.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_13: Yeah.
• 1:10:32
  SPEAKER_13: And I think everyone has their superpower, that's what makes us unique, and the people that we are today and our past experiences make us who we are.
• 1:10:40
  SPEAKER_13: And I was just telling these ladies, they're part of my HR team, by the way.
• 1:10:46
  SPEAKER_13: That's why we invited her to come in.
• 1:10:51
  SPEAKER_03: That's why you told her to be in the other boat.
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_03: I got the recording.
• 1:11:04
  SPEAKER_03: Originally, I want to come to your boat.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 1:11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's okay.
• 1:11:13
  SPEAKER_03: I need to somehow connect with you.
• 1:11:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no! We're coaching, we're still coaching right now.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of traffic to say.
• 1:11:18
  SPEAKER_10: Wait, you guys are San Fernando Valley too?
• 1:11:20
  SPEAKER_10: No, let's have traffic.
• 1:11:22
  SPEAKER_10: I'm the driver.
• 1:11:22
  SPEAKER_10: I'm the mama who's driving them all.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_10: So let me tell you, Elaine.
• 1:11:26
  SPEAKER_10: I was like, um, when uh she asked us to join the next off event, I was like, I was going through the all the speakers, and the one to actually call my name, it was you.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_10: I don't know if it was intuition.
• 1:11:39
  SPEAKER_10: Like that's what you're saying?
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_10: Yes.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_10: But I'm like, um, I just saw your picture and I saw something in you.
• 1:11:45
  SPEAKER_10: So since they followed my lead, you said it's your choice because you have to go.
• 1:11:50
  SPEAKER_10: Which boat do you want to go?
• 1:11:52
  SPEAKER_10: Yes, and I'm like, this is the boat that I want to go in.
• 1:11:55
  SPEAKER_10: I didn't know you.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_10: I didn't uh where have I been?
• 1:11:58
  SPEAKER_10: Oh, where have you been?
• 1:11:59
  SPEAKER_10: That I haven't met you and your neighbor.
• 1:12:02
  SPEAKER_10: Yes, but now on I can't.
• 1:12:04
  SPEAKER_04: I'm in Chatsworth.
• 1:12:05
  SPEAKER_04: I'm in the valley too.
• 1:12:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yay! Very close to the nice chat.
• 1:12:13
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, there's no boat and ocean in the valley.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_03: We have lake bubble.
• 1:12:19
  SPEAKER_07: I told you we're getting too theatre.
• 1:12:24
  SPEAKER_10: So I was very grateful to be in this club and thank you for inviting me.
• 1:12:29
  SPEAKER_10: I mean, like, this is our first my first time.
• 1:12:31
  SPEAKER_10: I'm new on my role, but I mean, like, where have I been all this time?
• 1:12:35
  SPEAKER_10: I mean, like, in my career, I never experienced something like that.
• 1:12:38
  SPEAKER_10: I had never had a therapist.
• 1:12:40
  SPEAKER_10: She was awesome.
• 1:12:40
  SPEAKER_10: She was amazing.
• 1:12:41
  SPEAKER_10: And she was p me because I kept saying, Okay, let me get the therapist in here to talk about in charge of it.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_10: You might get clients here.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_10: It was like, wow.
• 1:12:49
  SPEAKER_10: Now I look up to her, you know, she's my inspiration, and you know, it's like I wanna when I grow up, even though I'm 51, I wanna be like damn.
• 1:12:58
  SPEAKER_10: But I mean, like, thank you so much for that.
• 1:13:00
  SPEAKER_10: And I know that there were tears in our boat, but tears of happiness.
• 1:13:03
  SPEAKER_10: Oh, but how'd you see the be the tears?
• 1:13:05
  SPEAKER_13: I saw it through their faces.
• 1:13:07
  SPEAKER_13: So these girls tell it all on their face.
• 1:13:11
  SPEAKER_13: I'm like, what's wrong?
• 1:13:13
  SPEAKER_12: What's wrong with them?
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_12: They're like never crying.
• 1:13:17
  SPEAKER_00: So that means we don't got Botox in our boat.
• 1:13:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So now that I know that two of the colleagues were your friends, and um, thank you for listening to us opening up.
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I never really thought we were gonna have a session.
• 1:13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I meant it.
• 1:13:32
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't think you didn't believe the boot.
• 1:13:34
  SPEAKER_07: No, you know we're going into it.
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yes, I'm straight up getting coaching because I'm lazy, I didn't want to lecture.
• 1:13:40
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just being clear.
• 1:13:41
  SPEAKER_04: So I think I was like, what can I do?
• 1:13:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think probably for a lot of us it was probably our first session.
• 1:13:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to say those$65 were worth the session.
• 1:13:51
  SPEAKER_04: I always end it because it's very California.
• 1:13:53
  SPEAKER_04: What are you grateful for?
• 1:13:54
  SPEAKER_04: So it's funny you both already started.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_04: What are you grateful for?
• 1:13:57
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna do gratitudes around.
• 1:13:58
  SPEAKER_11: I'm really grateful to be here.
• 1:14:00
  SPEAKER_11: I try to be more confidence around with me when I feel it, how I feel it.
• 1:14:05
  SPEAKER_11: Because I think this is one feeling stop me touching.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_11: I feel always scared.
• 1:14:12
  SPEAKER_11: I feel um sometimes feel excited, but I don't know how to express.
• 1:14:18
  SPEAKER_11: So to be part of this, I don't know.
• 1:14:20
  SPEAKER_11: I feel really grateful.
• 1:14:22
  SPEAKER_11: I don't know, I don't have another word to say.
• 1:14:24
  SPEAKER_11: Because I'm really excited.
• 1:14:27
  SPEAKER_11: You learned.
• 1:14:28
  SPEAKER_11: I almost cry over there because I don't know how to express all that.
• 1:14:30
  SPEAKER_11: Oh no, you I saw it.
• 1:14:32
  SPEAKER_11: I saw it.
• 1:14:32
  SPEAKER_11: I also learned how to turn.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_03: I also saw the eye roll.
• 1:14:38
  SPEAKER_03: You're next to me, I was like, I like I can't piss her off because I don't want to hear it.
• 1:14:46
  SPEAKER_11: So I know you're right.
• 1:14:49
  SPEAKER_00: They said to look up for us for like help.
• 1:14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I should want to.
• 1:14:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:14:56
  SPEAKER_10: She's awesome.
• 1:14:57
  SPEAKER_02: But thank you.
• 1:14:58
  SPEAKER_10: Thank you for everything.
• 1:14:59
  SPEAKER_02: I am grateful that I was on a boat of people willing to be so vulnerable and like share so much and be so authentic.
• 1:15:07
  SPEAKER_02: I think um it's so it's so understated how powerful that is when we can all come together as like basically strangers and share such a beautiful and uplifting and powerful experience.
• 1:15:19
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you and just grateful for that.
• 1:15:21
  SPEAKER_07: I'm grateful for the safe space that we all had, we all created in that one before.
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_07: Um getting all the different perspectives from so many different backgrounds.
• 1:15:31
  SPEAKER_07: You know, it just brings in, let's you get out of your own head and just kind of see the world through someone else's eyes.
• 1:15:37
  SPEAKER_07: So, really, thank you for all that.
• 1:15:39
  SPEAKER_07: Really appreciate it.
• 1:15:40
  SPEAKER_07: Thank you.
• 1:15:41
  SPEAKER_13: Thankful to you because I'm a good job, everyone.
• 1:15:44
  SPEAKER_13: I think we need to be able to do it.
• 1:15:45
  SPEAKER_13: My ride is going to leave me, so I gotta go.
• 1:15:48
  SPEAKER_13: But I'm so proud of you all for leaning in and doing something out of your comfort zone because it's super scary, but the more you do it, the more badass you get.
• 1:15:55
  SPEAKER_13: So continue to do more of that.
• 1:15:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think we need the day off tomorrow too.
• 1:16:07
  SPEAKER_03: We can probably card.
• 1:16:12
  SPEAKER_09: You can text me.
• 1:16:13
  SPEAKER_09: Thank you.
• 1:16:14
  SPEAKER_13: Hi guys.
• 1:16:15
  SPEAKER_09: What are you grateful for?
• 1:16:17
  SPEAKER_09: I am grateful for all the support here.
• 1:16:19
  SPEAKER_09: Like, I feel like we're all more similar than we are different, no matter what our role or where we're from or what language we speak.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_09: We're all we all have the same sort of like things that we're dealing with.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_09: And so thank you for helping us get through that.
• 1:16:35
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 1:16:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, wait, my gratitude.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_04: Do you want to be coached too?
• 1:16:41
  SPEAKER_04: I could coach you too.
• 1:16:43
  SPEAKER_04: Think of a coaching question.
• 1:16:47
  SPEAKER_04: Just a lot of things.
• 1:16:48
  SPEAKER_04: So when I got asked to do this, they're like, oh, what topic do you want to speak at?
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, we don't like, why do you wanna why do you want to hear someone lecture and talk?
• 1:16:57
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just gonna coach.
• 1:16:58
  SPEAKER_04: And they're like, are you sure?
• 1:16:59
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, people have a lot of problems to talk about, so let me just start coaching.
• 1:17:03
  SPEAKER_04: And also, I think we forget the power of connection.
• 1:17:06
  SPEAKER_04: But if you notice it wasn't just me giving advice, it was all of us giving advice, right?
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_04: You were even talking about it's oh, I'm not the only person, it's everyone else, and when we're vulnerable and we feel safe and comfortable.
• 1:17:18
  SPEAKER_04: I just love what I do.
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_04: So thank you, thank you for letting me hold space and for being comfortable enough with one another as well.
• 1:17:26
  SPEAKER_04: Because I also know that was a choice, you didn't have to.
• 1:17:29
  SPEAKER_04: So that's why if you notice each time when you were talking about like networking, like, no, if you have red fogs on someone, listen to that.
• 1:17:36
  SPEAKER_04: You don't have to do that.
• 1:17:37
  SPEAKER_02: You do such a good job of setting the tone to like welcome that.
• 1:17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like I feel like, yes, and I think that's where we're awesome here.
• 1:17:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's what we do here.
• 1:17:54
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, fun fact: if you didn't take away from the recording, we stayed 30 minutes over after the boat, and we just sat on the couches, did some more coaching, connected, and I hope what you got out of this with everyone who shared in the boat is you are not alone.
• 1:18:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I hope I know you were not the boat with us, but I hope you find at least one person that you feel comfortable with talking to.
• 1:18:23
  SPEAKER_04: A friend, a colleague, a family member, a therapist, or coach to just talk to.
• 1:18:27
  SPEAKER_04: And if you loved this replay of me coaching, three things for you to do if you feel called to do them.
• 1:18:34
  SPEAKER_04: One, share this with a friend or two, send them a message on why they should listen to it, mainly because they're not alone in what they're going through.
• 1:18:42
  SPEAKER_04: Two, leave a rating and review on whatever podcast platform you are listening to.
• 1:18:49
  SPEAKER_04: It's because my team and I created this podcast as an accessible resource to others.
• 1:18:54
  SPEAKER_04: And when you leave a rating and review, it lets the podcast algorithm do their thing.
• 1:19:00
  SPEAKER_04: And number three, if you're like, wow, these people that were in the boat got incredible coaching.
• 1:19:06
  SPEAKER_04: I want to be coached by Elaine, then schedule a call with me.
• 1:19:09
  SPEAKER_04: And we can see if it's a good fit to work together.
• 1:19:11
  SPEAKER_04: You can schedule a call with me at ElaineLu.com forward slash call.
• 1:19:15
  SPEAKER_04: And during the call, you'll receive three action items towards your goals.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_04: If it's a good fit to work together, great.
• 1:19:20
  SPEAKER_04: I'll share with you how it looks like to move forward and work together.
• 1:19:23
  SPEAKER_04: And if it's not a great fit, great, I'll refer you to other people and resources.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_04: So either way, it's a win-win situation for you.
• 1:19:28
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, I'll catch you at the next episode.