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How Do narcissists act when they start to miss you · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do narcissists feel when they.
• 0:03
  Start to miss. You.
• 0:05
  When they start to miss somebody from their past, is it even?
• 0:09
  Possible for narcissists to miss people in the 1st place?
• 0:12
  Do narcissists ever miss anybody in the first place?
• 0:16
  That's what we're talking about today.
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  Y'all, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:19
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. Here to give you the perspective
• 0:21
  of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:23
  of The Narcissist Code. Give it to me.
• 0:43
  Give it to me. No, seriously.
• 0:47
  So to answer. Your first question, yes I do
• 0:50
  have a course called Finding your Why that helps people heal
• 0:54
  from narcissistic abuse and understand what they went
• 0:56
  through and yes, you. Can.
• 0:57
  Find that course. In my.
• 0:59
  In my website in mentalillness.net.
• 1:02
  And yes, you do get 50% off if you enter.
• 1:04
  The code mothers. MOTHERS 'cause.
• 1:08
  It's Mother's Day month. For 50% off super cheap y'all.
• 1:11
  For 2 quarts. Anyways, y'all do.
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  Narcissists miss you. Yeah, yeah, yes, narcissistic
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  people. Can absolutely miss you.
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  I don't, I thought I do I I get it.
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  I do understand. Where people get there from.
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  Like narcissists don't miss you, they can't miss you, Lee.
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  Why the hell would a narcissist miss you in the 1st place?
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  Because y'all narcissists are. People too.
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  I know a lot a lot of people out there like to.
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  Dehumanize narcissists because yes, a lot of narcissists make
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  you feel dehumanized. They make you feel like less of
• 1:39
  a person because they treat you horribly.
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  But. At the end of the day.
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  Narcissists are still people. Right, right.
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  But yes, they can miss you. I Yeah.
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  I miss people. I miss, you know, I miss my
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  friends. I miss family members.
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  I miss people. All the damn time I.
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  Really, really do. And it sucks.
• 2:01
  It sucks to miss people. But as a narcissist, how do I
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  feel when I start to miss people?
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  How does your ex? How does your parents?
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  Feel when they. Started to miss people.
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  Yeah, first of all, they're going to like when I started.
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  To miss somebody. I me right now as been in
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  therapy for eight years. Me right?
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  Now I'm like damn I do miss that person.
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  How can I? How can I re establish that?
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  Relationship but me in my. 20s in my.
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  Early 30s hell. No.
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  Me in my 20s and early 30s I even when I start to miss you, I
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  start to think of reasons. They may not be valid, but I
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  still start to think of reasons why you're not in my life.
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  What reasons? Why you don't?
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  Deserve to be in my life. Reasons why you don't deserve to
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  be a part of my life or my upper or my glow up or whatever I have
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  going on. I think of those reasons right
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  now to this day. To this day, to this day I
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  really do, I find a. Way to justify my absence in the
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  relationship. I do.
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  I try to find my. I try to find a way.
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  To justify why I'm not around you.
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  So a lot of narcissists are going to start to try.
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  To justify why you're not around, even if the reason that
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  you're not around is something that they have done to you, even
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  if you've cheated on them. Lied to them.
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  No, no, no. Even if they have cheated on
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  you, lied to you, beat, beat on you, did something horrible to
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  you, they're still going to try to find a way.
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  To put the blame onto you as to why the relationship is the way
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  it is. They're still going to try to
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  find that way because it at the end of the day, the day going
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  end. I said it the other day,
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  somebody left, I left. I put that in the compensation
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  the other day. I said it in the video and
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  somebody was dying laughing. They were like.
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  Lee shut up at the end of the day, the day going to end, and
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  yes. You are, you're absolutely
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  correct, but that's how it goes when you are dealing with
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  manipulative, narcissistic, abusive ass people.
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  They're. Going to I will try to find an
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  excuse as to why you are not around.
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  Like they're going to blame you for your absence or your your
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  lack of being in their lives. It's going to be your fault in
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  some way. Shape or form?
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  So you have to prepare for that. Right.
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  Am I right? You have to, I know you just
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  like when they I mean you don't have.
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  You don't necessarily have to prepare for that because unless
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  they try to start to try to reach out to you and stuff like
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  that, you ain't got to prepare for.
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  It but yeah, they going to they're going to try to blame
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  you for the. Reason you're not around.
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  Again. Then the next thing I.
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  Think a lot of narcissists will do?
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  Is they'll be angry as hell. Y'all know A?
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  Lot of people ask me can narcissists feel emotions in the
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  1st place? Do narcissists ever even feel
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  emotions for real? Yes they do.
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  We do. We absolutely do feel emotions.
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  We absolutely do so in this relationship dynamics.
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  So we're going to be angry as hell.
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  Anger is the easiest. Emotion to express, even though
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  anger is a secondary emotion. It still is.
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  An easy emotion to express. So when we miss you, we're going
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  to get angry, especially if we're if we're.
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  In a new relationship and we start to miss you.
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  We're going to get angry at our new, at our older, at our.
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  Partner. We're going to we're going to
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  get angry at our kids, the kids that me and you have together or
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  the kids that me and my new partner have together.
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  They're going to get the anger the people at my job if I'm a.
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  Boss, if I'm a supervisor, my friends.
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  Everybody's going to get a little bit a.
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  Little splash of this anger you just.
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  Are everybody's going to get a little taste of the anger?
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  Because that's how it goes when you're dealing with narcissistic
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  people. They're going to try to beat.
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  They're going to get mad as hell again.
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  They are, you know, there's no like, is there ever an
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  acceptance stage? Where you when a narcissist miss
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  you, did they? Ever accept.
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  What has happened? Yeah, yeah, sometimes they do.
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  Accept what has happened. Right, it might be under false
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  pretense, like if they if a narcissist ever accepts.
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  What has happened to get to the point?
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  Where they miss you. Or they miss whoever they miss.
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  They're not going to tell themselves the truth about what
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  happened. That's why I said false
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  pretenses they're going to concoct.
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  A story of how. Things have transpired to get to
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  this point, how things have happened to get to this point.
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  And then they're going to go from there with it.
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  They're not going to. They're not going to be kind and
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  gentle and just be like, tell themselves the truth about what?
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  Happened like this person is no longer with me because I cheated
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  on them and they decided to leave.
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  They made the right decision. And they're they are going to
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  live a better. Life for it.
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  No, they're going to say this person withheld, withheld the
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  cheeks from me, so I had to get it from someone else, didn't I?
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  I What do you expect me to do? You expect me to sit around and
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  wait and beg? I'm not going.
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  To beg anybody to be with me. Why would I do that, Lee?
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  You see what I'm saying they'll beg is so when I did go out and
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  cheek and get the cheeks. That they were denying me.
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  They got mad because they. Are toxic.
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  Why would you get mad if you if you had done anything wrong, why
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  would you get mad? You see how idiotic that sounds
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  right there. But that's the justifications
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  that a. Lot of narcissistic people will
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  use that's. Literally what they.
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  Will say they will justify their stuff by doing it right there.
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  They will absolutely justify their stuff by saying that type
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  of stuff to you right there. So if you're dealing with a
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  manipulative, narcissistic person.
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  You have. To understand that y'all.
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  That's what you don't have to. Get prepared for it, but.
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  You have to understand that this.
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  Is the mentality that a lot of them are going to bring to the
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  table. Even if they miss you, they're
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  not like if they miss you, it doesn't necessarily.
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  Mean that they're going to just. Let you know they won't let let
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  you know some of them like. Y'all a narcissist?
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  'S pride and ego or damn. Near undefeated.
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  Damn near undefeated. It's.
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  Hard to reconcile with this right here when I know I say the
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  narcissist ego is undefeated. I mean, they're like that
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  narcissistic person, that toxic person.
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  Their ego might keep them from reaching out to you.
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  Even if they miss you. Even if they.
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  Want to hold themselves accountable, even if they want
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  to admit that they've done wrong.
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  Their ego. And their pride would not let
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  them do it. Their ego and pride are huge.
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  Pride, ego, shame or the greatest, the big the.
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  Greatest 3 provocations in a narcissist life they.
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  Like this is those are the the the pillars that we.
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  Live on pride. Ego and shame you see what I'm
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  saying so they all those three things together are going to can
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  keep that narcissistic person from reaching out to you and
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  just because I said they might miss you I.
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  Should have said this in the beginning 'cause I know how
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  y'all get. Just because I said that they
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  might miss you does not mean that you need.
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  To go back to them. It does not mean that you need
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  to give them another. Chance.
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  Because they might miss you. Well, Lee, you said they missed
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  me so I could give them another chance.
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  No, no, Ask yourself this right here before if a narcissist.
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  Ever reaches out to you regardless of how long the
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  relationship dynamic has been over with, Regardless if it's
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  been a week? Two weeks, 2-3 years, whatever.
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  If they say that they miss you, ask yourself.
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  This right here. And then you have to.
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  You ask. Ask yourself, And then you have
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  to. Give yourself the answer as
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  well. You don't just ask the.
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  Question without giving yourself an answer, but without providing
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  the answer. Ask yourself this.
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  Question right here. What do they miss?
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  About me. What is it about me that they
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  miss? Do they actually miss?
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  Me as a person watching My 600 LB Life or Hoarders at night
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  did. They miss our inside.
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  Jokes about Tropic. Thunder did they?
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  Miss the time when we when we first met, we danced in the club
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  in Raleigh, NC. Did they really miss those
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  moments? Right?
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  There or do they miss? My.
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  They Do they miss me being naive?
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  Do they miss me not knowing who they are?
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  Do they miss the fact that I missed I I I put?
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  Their needs above my own. Do they miss the fact that I
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  care for them more than I care for them myself?
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  Do I? Did I?
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  Do I? Did they miss the fact that I
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  neglected myself to take to give them more than what I had?
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  Do they miss the fact that I had starved myself to make it eat?
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  Do they miss the fact that I gave to them what I didn't have
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  to give? Do they miss that right there?
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  What do they actually miss about you?
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  And get clear, be real with y'all.
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  Prepare yourself for this. I don't give a fuck what they
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  said they missed about you. Tell yourself the truth about
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  what they miss about you. Because though so many people
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  don't know what Lee they said they missed those things.
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  Do they actually miss those things or they're just saying
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  what? Or they're just saying what you
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  want to hear. What?
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  Or they're just saying what they think you want to.
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  Hear because a. Lot of people get caught up in.
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  That right there. That's what a lot of people get
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  caught up in. They get caught up in the
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  narcissist saying what they think that you.
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  Want to hear? They don't say what you actually
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  want to hear. They say what you, they think
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  you. Want to hear?
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  Right, I do miss those times. You miss your memories rolling
• 10:55
  around in the hey it rolling around in the sack and I was
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  clapping it from the back and the £600 life came on and we
• 11:02
  just started watching it together.
• 11:04
  Good times, right, Good times. No, they're missing the.
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  They're missing the. Manipulation y'all?
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  Get clear about what they miss about you because they can help
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  you more than. Anything in the world y'all, I'm
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  just telling you. If that because I know you might
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  miss them, which is understandable.
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  You a human being, Lee. Why I why do I feel so bad about
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  missing this person? Because you're a human being.
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  You have feelings like you are allowed to miss people that hurt
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  you. You cannot, you should not take
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  them. Back into your life though.
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  Especially if they haven't changed any of those.
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  Lying. Cheating ass Manipulative.
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  Ass behaviors, especially if they haven't done any of that,
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  especially if they haven't there's been look, there's been
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  no work that they've done on themselves.
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  There's no look. They ain't they ain't did a
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  liquor work on themselves. They still the exact same person
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  that you left. They still the exact same person
• 11:55
  that you broke up with. They still the exact same.
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  They still talk the same way, walk the same way, dressed the
• 11:59
  same way, same job, same life, five years.
• 12:02
  Later, there's nothing wrong with having the same job y'all.
• 12:05
  You know their job could be inconsistency, right?
• 12:07
  I understand, I get that. This is not me trying to harp on
• 12:09
  anybody with a job. Y'all know I look look the
• 12:11
  warehouse life of my life. Damn about 20 years.
• 12:14
  Damn. No, about not 20. 01312 yeah, at
• 12:20
  least 10, maybe 10 at least decade, third shift. 2nd shift,
• 12:23
  first shift I didn't work all the shifts.
• 12:26
  But anyways, y'all those. Are the stages that a narcissist
• 12:28
  goes through when they miss you the mind of a narcissist?
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  When they miss you 'cause like I'll say, let me finish this
• 12:32
  right here y'all. Sometimes when a narcissist
• 12:35
  misses you, they're concocting this vision of what you're
• 12:37
  doing. Right they're.
• 12:39
  Automatically assuming that you're happy with someone else
• 12:41
  or that you're going to go find someone else, they can't take
• 12:44
  that. They can't deal with that.
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  They can't process that. This is the game that a lot of
• 12:50
  narcissistic people will play. This is the game that a lot of
• 12:53
  narcissists will will act on. This is the game like they're
• 12:57
  and like again, y'all if they think that if they think that
• 13:00
  you're with someone else, it could drive them crazy to the
• 13:02
  point where they start stalking you and harassing you and
• 13:04
  accusing you of being with someone else.
• 13:06
  You don't have to explain yourself to someone you're no
• 13:07
  longer with. It's always remember that y'all.
• 13:09
  You no longer have to explain yourself to someone you're no
• 13:12
  longer with, someone that you have broken up with, somebody
• 13:15
  that you decided that it was not right for you any longer
• 13:18
  anyways. Y'all I know this video has ran.
• 13:19
  On a little longer. Again, y'all finding your why?
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  you see this in June, it's still active.
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• 13:39
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• 13:59
  Peace.