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i miss who i was when i was younger · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  I miss who I was when I was younger.
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  Sometimes I look back at old photos and I think I don't even
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  recognize that person. Not just because of the smile or
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  the haircut, but because that version of me hadn't been
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  through all of this heaviness. When we grow up, it's easy to
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  lose that side of us, that limitless wonder, that passion,
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  curiosity, creativity. But it's always right there.
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  You just have to make a conscious effort to reconnect
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  with it. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Do you remember who you were before things got really heavy
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  and difficult? Maybe it was your young
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  childhood. You used to play outside and
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  laugh for hours, get lost in books, wonder, play.
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  Maybe it was your teenage years, when you followed dreams, chased
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  passions, saw friends, took care of yourself.
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  Maybe. Maybe you never had those
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  memories at all. Maybe it was just an idea, or a
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  concept. Either way, that younger version
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  of you, the version full of life and curiosity, was there.
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  Maybe they were more spontaneous, more hopeful, more
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  trusting, less anxious and guarded.
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  I personally remember my childhood self.
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  He was brave and he was so filled to the brim with joy and
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  he would laugh for no reason at all.
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  And he loved it when those around him did the same.
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  He wasn't afraid to try new things.
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  He he never doubted himself. He was secure and blindly
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  confident. Before I started struggling with
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  depression and anxiety, I was all of these things.
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  And then it felt like it got taken away from me.
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  I felt as though I'd been robbed of this version of me.
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  And that sits with me. That grief of losing that
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  version of me sat with me for years without me even realizing
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  what the grief was or where it was coming from.
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  But then I realized we grieve most of the things we lose.
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  So why do we not give ourselves the space and the gentleness to
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  emotionally grieve who we once were?
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  You know, it's easy to look back at a younger version of yourself
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  and wonder what happened. Somewhere along the way the the
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  weight started piling on. But here's the thing, there's
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  usually not one big moment that changes us.
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  Of course there can be, but often there's a slow build
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  collection of small, sharp things.
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  The world doesn't drop all of its heaviness on you at once.
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  It hands it over, little by little, until one day you're
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  carrying more than you ever thought you could.
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  Maybe it was heartbreak, or losing someone too soon, or
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  mental illness creeping in quietly and loudly, or a moment
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  when your trust was broken. You haven't fully repaired it
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  since. Maybe it was just growing up,
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  because let's be real, adulthood has a way of hardening the edges
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  of things. Responsibilities pile up, bills,
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  expectations, deadlines. And the more aware we become of
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  how the world actually works, the injustice that the pressure,
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  the unpredictability, the more the light hearted version of
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  ourselves starts to dim. And then there's the trauma.
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  Got emotional wounds that we didn't ask for.
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  Maybe your childhood wasn't the way it should have been.
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  Maybe someone hurt you or you hurt yourself in ways that you
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  didn't even understand. There's so many things that are
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  trying to take away that wonder and that joy and just that
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  childlike sense of self, that confidence that we used to have.
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  It pokes away at us and slowly, before we know it, we've lost
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  it. I personally feel way more
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  hardened to the world and I have to make a conscious effort to
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  bring back that part of myself. I think part of what makes this
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  so painful is that no one prepares you for it.
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  No one tells you that losing parts of yourself is a part of
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  growing up. That you can be doing everything
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  right. You can be going to therapy,
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  journaling, doing self work, and still wake up one day feeling
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  like a stranger in your own skin and you miss that younger you,
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  the one that wasn't carrying all of this.
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  But let let me say something that I really hope you hear.
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  It's not your fault that the world got heavy.
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  You didn't do something wrong by becoming more aware or by
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  surviving what you've survived. The fact that things feel
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  heavier now doesn't mean that you're broken.
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  It means that you've lived. It means that you know things.
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  It means that you felt deeply, cared deeply, maybe even lost
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  deeply. And all of that weight, It
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  shaped you, but it didn't erase you.
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  You're not broken. You're just layered.
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  You're a whole collection of memories and changes and growth
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  and effort. And yeah, sometimes it does feel
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  like the lightness is gone, but I promise it's not gone.
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  It's just buried a little under everything that you've carried.
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  And it's OK to grieve that. It's OK to say I miss who I was
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  before the world got heavy. That's not weakness.
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  That's honesty. And honestly, that is where
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  healing starts. When I say healing, I don't mean
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  that we can magically go back to who we were.
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  We can't and we shouldn't. Growth happens for a reason.
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  We change for a reason. It's a necessary part of life.
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  But reconnecting with that younger version is not only
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  possible, but empowering, healing, and potentially life
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  changing. We can still reach for who we
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  were before, not to erase who we are now, but to invite that old
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  self to walk with us into who we are becoming.
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  You might have heard of this before.
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  It's reigniting your childlike wonder, healing your childlike
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  self. And I think this is a beautiful
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  and amazing part of our mental health healing journey.
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  So how do we do that? Honestly, as with many things,
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  when healing your mental health, it starts with the small stuff.
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  Think back to what used to light you up.
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  What did you love to do before things got heavy?
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  Maybe it was painting with no purpose and no judgement.
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  Maybe it was singing in the car like no one was watching.
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  Writing poetry that didn't have to rhyme or make sense.
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  I do that one. Staying up too late, talking
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  about nothing. Dancing in your room, dancing in
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  public, Making silly videos, collecting rocks or drawing
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  Dragons or other things. Maybe it was building Legos.
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  Maybe it wasn't even what you were doing, but how you felt
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  doing it. That sense of wonder.
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  Play freedom and safety, then try to bring some of that back
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  into your own world, even if it feels awkward or weird or
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  embarrassing at first. I think the idea of cringe has
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  completely ruined fun and and childlike wonder for us.
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  We feel ashamed to get excited or to love the little things
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  because there's this blanket idea that expressing joy and
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  happiness and passion and excitement is cringe.
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  If being cringe is experiencing joy and being silly and skipping
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  instead of walking and dancing in public and discovering new
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  hobbies and being super super excited about things, then I
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  will happily be cringe any day. This is a powerful part of
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  healing your mental health, Rediscovering that childlike
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  wonder within you, rediscovering who you used to be, and then
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  implementing that same play and wonder and joy and cringe into
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  your life. My life got drastically better
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  when I began to do this, and I know that yours can too.
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  So pick up that old hobby again. Revisit that music that used to
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  play on repeat. Watch the movie that made you
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  feel something back then. Journal as your younger self or
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  to them. Let them talk to you.
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  Let them remind you of the parts of yourself that you've tried to
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  protect by hiding. Let yourself be free.
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  Reconnecting isn't about erasing your growth or pretending that
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  nothing's changed. It's about weaving that earlier
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  version of you into your present, letting their lightness
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  mix with your wisdom, their openness mix with your
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  boundaries, their playfulness mix with your strength.
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  You're not trying to be who you were, You're trying to remember
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  what they knew and what they felt.
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  That joy is possible. That you're allowed to be silly.
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  That you can trust people. Sometimes that hope is worth
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  holding on to, even when it feels fragile.
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  And if you're sitting here thinking, I don't know where to
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  start. I don't know how to uncover that
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  version of me that I've kept hidden and protected for so
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  long. Start small.
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  Do one thing the old you would have loved, even if it feels
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  silly. Especially if it feels silly
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  because the world will always try to weigh you down.
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  That's just what it does. But you, you get to decide how
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  much of that weight that you carry and you get to decide when
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  to set some of it down so you can reach back and hold hands
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  with the person that you used to be.
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  They're still there and they're rooting for you and so am I.
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  That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
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  Thank you so much for being here with me.
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  If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
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  my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell.
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  I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
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  Also, drop me a comment and let me know what you thought about
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  today's episode. Let me know your thoughts and
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  your feelings on discovering that childlike wonder and that
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  that that part of you that you've seemingly lost, or maybe
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  you haven't lost it. Maybe you have a great
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  connection with it. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Thank you for understanding that
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  we should respect and try to reconnect with that younger
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  version of ourself that had so much joy and wonder and passion.
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  And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.