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Monday Mini: The Day Before the Book · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steph
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: When never told you production by her.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Radio, and today's the day is the day? Almost you
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: tricked me?
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I did confuse some people on Instagram as
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: well when I posted about this.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: But we are here.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: The day if you're listening to this to day it
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: comes out, it's the day before our book publishes. So
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to do a bit of a check
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: in and see how we're doing. How are you feeling, Samantha.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I keep getting asked this because we did get advanced
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: copies of our book. I haven't posted yet, I need to,
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: but we did get it. Kind of funny, guess I
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: think I got mine a day before yours. But like,
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: it's very exciting, it's really pretty, it's so amazing. This
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: is how I react in most situations, though I think
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: I have a problem in which when it happens, I
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: have the most surreal calm that I can't react to it.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: So it's literally just like uh huh, thank you. Okay.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: So I had friends over this weekend who including Caroline,
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: the previous host, and so we were talking about it
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: and she's like, congratulations, Oh my god, that's amazing, and
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: she's like, how do you feel? And I was like, uh, huh,
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: it's done. Like that's all I could say, because I
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: don't know how to properly celebrate things. Apparently I don't
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: think I properly celebrate anything in general, because I just
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: get this anti colmactic like drop of like endorphins where
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: it's just like, eh, okay, is it done yet type
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: of feeling. Now, you and I have had a lot
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: of ups and downs with this, so that might be
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: part of the reaction to this, where we've hit a
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: lot of walls. We've had to kind of do back
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: and forth. We've been kind of the children in a
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: fight in some things and we're just watching and waiting.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: So there's been a lot behind the scenes. Is obviously
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: always a little bit more dramatic, and so it's kind
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: of one of those moments. And then also, yeah, like
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: it feels too early to celebrate because I'm waiting for backlash.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Maybe I'm such a negative person in general. I can't
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: help this.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: It does feel like something that is difficult to fully
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: celebrate because it is something that I am proud of
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: and that we worked really heard on, and given the
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: conditions that we had and the time frame that we had,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: and I just think that there are all these other
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: things that go into when you are publishing a feminist
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: book where feminism is in the title and it doesn't
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: feel as safe a thing to celebrate, and I hate that.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I hate that it's like that. But a lot of
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: times when people ask me like, oh, hey, I've heard
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: you in a book, and I kind of hesitate because
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't I don't know if you're cool.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you're cool, And having that hesitation
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: it sucks. It's it's like, I want to be loud
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: and proud and you know, stand up for what I
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: believe in and feminism and intersectional feminism, right, but you know,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: you got to pick your battles. And if I encounter
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: a stranger who I don't think will harm me, I
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: don't care that you know what I say and they
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: don't like it, right, But that's what I did. But
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: you have to take into account the book like this. Unfortunately,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: you're the opinions of your family, reactions of your family,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: and choose how to celebrate something when you also don't
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: want to lose these relationships which I know we've talked
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: about several times on this show, right right.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not going to lie. A lot of
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: the excitement has been dampened by the fact that I
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: can't talk to my family and I say I can't
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: without it being a battle. And for people who know,
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: the listeners who know already I have a very strenuous
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: relationship with my family. We love each other, we would
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: support each other. I talk to my family and we
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: stray away from any controversy because we know what it's
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: going to lead to. Again, when I tell you, one
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: of the most traumatic moments I've had with my mom
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: was heard finding out what type of show out was
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: on doing this, crying in a public for the both
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: of us because it was such a heated argument. Being
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: called a tool of the devil by my mother, like
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: was not a good experience. So having a book with
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: my name on it, and honestly, like when we talked
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: about me changing my name, I kind of wish I
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: had made that decision before this book. I'm not gonna lie,
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: but it is what it is. All of these things
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: come into play for my excitement because I got these
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: amazing copies and I'm like, who do I give them?
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: To like, it's not my family.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: I purposely blocked my niece, who I love very much
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: and who out absolutely is on with me. She came
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: to college in Atlanta and did exactly what they were
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: afraid of, which had become educated. I mean, it is
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: what it is, and she now sees a lot of
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: what I went through and having to deal with out herself.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: And I blocked her from this because I was starting
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: the promo work for it. I taken off all of
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: my family, most people from LJ Georgia, because I did
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: not want them to be in this conversation at all,
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: because I can guarantee as proud as that as they
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: would want to be of me because of what's in
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: the book, and I did. I wrote the abortion chapter
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: that in itself is the main issue that my mom
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: and I had a falling out of, outside of all
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: these other things, because all she can hear is killing babies,
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: and we know what that narrative is. And so because
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: God bless her, she's an uneducated woman who listens to
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: these false narrations about and all she sees is pictures
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: of the babies dying essentially like and then also that's
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: also why she adopted me. Partially why she adopted me
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: because that's she was saving a baby. But like in
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: all of those things, I have to try to protect
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: myself and protect our relationship because I think if we
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: had one more falling out like we did, that there
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: would be so much fallout in our family. So with
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: a book like this, I know what it's gonna bring up.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: I know the conversations that it could bring and the
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: costs that it could come with. So I can't celebrate
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: as much as I want to because of that I
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: actually had, you know, I think I had it as
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: an episode why I cried on the hair going. You know,
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: it hurts me. It breaks my heart that they can't
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: share in something that I should be so proud of.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: And I had a moment with you where like at
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: first we were so caught up in the stress, and
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: then as we were reading through it, we're like, oh
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: my god, this is actually pretty good. I really I'm
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: proud of us, you know, And then like doing the
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: audio portion and having people in our ears who we
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: still don't truly belie, which is not which is not
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: good for us when they say they loved our book,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: and really like we loved this. We think this is
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: such good stuff. The few reviews that they've sent to
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: us and we'll say like that have been lovely. But
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: I still found any negative statement before I saw the
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: positive statements, which is again, this is our own thing.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: But yeah, because we're bracing for the type of reaction
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: we know these kind of books get. It's that same
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: reaction I had from the realtor when he was like,
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: oh women's issues, what Oh, it's feminists and his eye
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: just like went big and looked at my partner and
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: he was like, oh, sorry, man, type of conversation. That's
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: what we get instead of the typical like oh cool whatever, whatnot.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: So I think there's so much to this and we're
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: I'm just waiting for that impact. I'm waiting to see
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: if my family finds out and what happens.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Like that.
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  Speaker 3: Fear is always in the back of my head because
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: of that. But then again, I have my partner's family
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: who was so excited, who pre ordered the book, who
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: made sure to tell me how proud they were of me,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: So like I have that, you know, things like that again,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: and the friends who came over Caroline who like pre
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: ordered the books and also was like so proud of you.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: We know what it takes, we know what it took.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Congratulations and trying to live in that, but really feeling
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: like to be able to step into that has been
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: kind of difficult.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: But the book is beautiful.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I'm really proud of it.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the book is beautiful, and I am proud of it.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: It has been a stressful thing, as we've discussed in
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: a lot of ways, and there's an anxiety that I
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: have just being mentioned in the same sentence as feminist
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: writers we spotlight on this show that you know, their
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: whole life and everything that they've worked for. And also
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: we were recently we guested on Feminist Book Club podcast
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: you heard Renee from there on here right, and we
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: had a discussion about you know, sometimes I get a
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: littlennoyed that I feel that a lot of our male
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: colleagues who have written books didn't have to feel these
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: sort of things, these sort of worries, these sort of questions,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Like I literally debated about even tagging you, Samantha when
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I posted on Instagram, because I knew about all this
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: stuff that you were dealing with, and I waited to
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: tag because you know, my mom is very liberal were
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: very like minded. She's on my wavelength, so I don't
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: have that issue, but a lot of people her family aren't.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: And she's you know, going to share it with her family, who,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: by the way, like once ordered subscribe to Atlanta magazine
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: just because I was mentioned in there. So it's sort
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: of I haven't shared it even with her. And I
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: also there's just conversations in there that are very personal,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: and I do think a lot about this. One time
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: when one of our first conferences we went to and
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: one of the attendees asked a question that was, you know.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Where where's the line?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Where do you draw the line between being open and
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: vulnerable and protecting yourself? And that still I still think
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: about that. That's difficult, and this book was a very
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: like I being very open, I'm being very vulnerable. I
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: haven't told those things to my family. I haven't told
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: those things to some of my friends. I haven't shared
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: some of that with anyone. So it's scary because I
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: feel like I don't want them to find out in
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: that way. But also yeah, I just it is a
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: beautiful book and I am happy about it, and so
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: it's sad that it's not the several of you have
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: written in about this actually, like how it's become complicated
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: to celebrate things right, and I feel like this has
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: become I wish I could celebrate it more right, but.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: We will say I will say this like our faithful listeners,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: our longtime listeners. You all know who you are, who
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: have pre ordered what have been ready from the jump
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: cat and I see you because they have been there
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: from the beginning. That also makes it very exciting, like
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: knowing that do you trust us enough to be like, yeah,
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: we'll jump on this, let's go, let's go. That's been
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: amazing as well that you have taken it a home
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: faith that we are sending you something that's worth thirty
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: something dollars, because I don't know if I would do
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: that for anyone else a lot of the time. So
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: that's been amazing too, that to have the core of
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: people who know who we are and excited for us
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: and have been sharing for us. It's such a beautiful thing.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Y'all don't know, like we might not comment, we might
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: not always like see it right away, but when we do,
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: the relief and the pressure that it takes off of
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: us because we do feel like so much when it
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: comes to being vulnerable or sharing these things, being told
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: we have to do it and then want to do
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: our best in it no matter what, and so having
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: that is always like that's another testament to the audience
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: that has been built here for a long time that
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: Kristen and Molly started from Jump and then has become
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: this and now has become a part of our faithful listeners.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: As our personalities and trusting our personalities even though we
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: are completely different from all the previous hosts, and we
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: love that, and yeah, you can definitely see the differences
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: the way we speak and in the book that we
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: try to add our personality, which I think we did
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: pretty well into it, like our own takes and things
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: what's important to us, what we want to talk about,
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: emphasizing that this is a growth, just like the part
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: of the show that our book is about us continuing
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: to learn and to encourage that no matter how many
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: feminist books there are out there, that it keeps growing
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: and that the information keeps coming and there's new information
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: and there's more information, and there's more we should be
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: doing because intersectionality didn't happen until recently, and so that's
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: so important to remember and That's what we wanted to
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: emphasize more than anything else, is that you have a
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: story to tell, you have a conversation to add, and
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: we want that to be a part of that narrative.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: And hopefully we that even though we had a lot
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: of conversations about history, because history is important, and especially
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: when we know that a lot of the history was
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: erased or has been tried to be erased, it is
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: currently trying to be erased. So making sure that we
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: emphasize that was something that so important for us and
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: being able to do that and being able to do
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: that freely has been phenomenal.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like we really.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Did capture our voices and our unique takes. And even
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: if you've read all these books, I hope that it
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: will feel fresh, all these books, being all these books
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: in the feminist realm, and it is true that you,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the listeners, influence these books. Like if I could give
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: you royalty checks, I would, and not that we're going
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: to get any, but if we did, because you have
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: been such a vibrant community that has really shaped my
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: worldview in a lot of ways or pointed out what
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I should work on or look at, or these issues
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: that maybe I needed to look into and that is
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: in the book. Some of the topics we chose, which
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: by the way, was a very difficult thing because there's
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: so much to talk about, was because of all of you.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And we're just so so grateful to have a listenership
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: like all of you that is kind and always wanting
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: to learn and always wanting to grow and is also
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: helping us learn and also helping us grow. So that's
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: you are so appreciated, and the book is what it
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: is in part because of you, and we wouldn't have
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: even had this book without a listenership like you, So.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Just thank you. We really really do.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Appreciate it, and we do appreciate the people who have
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: pre ordered it are ordered it. I know that's not
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: an option for everyone, and it is expensive, but however
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: you have supported us.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: We do appreciate it, so thank you.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Thank you. And for those who get the book or
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: the audiobook both, I hope that you enjoy it. I
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: hope that it shines through how much you have influenced
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: it and how much we just love all of you
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: for it. We could have done done it without you,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: so thank you. So if you would like to contact us,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: you can You can email us at stephandi mom Stuff
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Stephone Ever Told You. You can find us on Tea Public.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: We have merch and yes, you can order the book
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: at stuff you should read books dot com. Let us
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: know how you like it. Thanks as always to your
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: super producer Christina, our executive producer Maya and our contributor
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Joey also couldn't have done it without them. Thank you
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Stephane Never Told You
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: is production of iHeartRadio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: you can check out the heart Radio app, Apple Podcast
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows